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The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing with Daniel Pink

June 21, 2018 by Lace Gilger in Focus & Productivity, Mind Expansion

In this episode we discuss the secrets of perfect timing. Is there really a science to timing the most important things in life? Is it possible that something as simple as time of day could impact the effectiveness of doctors and other medical experts? Can you align your day to be more effective just by changing the time that you do certain activities? We dig into these questions and much more as we explore the truth about the power of time - with Dan Pink.

Dan Pink is the New York Times bestselling author of multiple award winning books including his most recent work When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing. Dan has been named one of Thinkers 50’s top 15 business thinkers in the world. His TED talk on the science of motivation is one of the 10 most-watched TED talks of all time and his work has been featured across the globe.

  • Is timing an art or a science?

  • The science of timing is multi-disciplinary challenge

  • The power of multi-disciplinary thinking and how thinking between and beyond the boundaries of academic disciplines gives us the more coherent picture of reality

  • We don’t take WHEN as seriously as WHAT

  • Science say about constructing better daily architectures?

  • The three major day parts - Peak / Trough / Recovery

  • How we should think about aligning our day around each of these periods

  • Our “vigilance” peaks in the morning

  • Align Analytic, Administrative, Creative

  • We see the same patterns across different domains of life

  • All times of day are not created equal

  • The performance gap is pretty astounding

  • Why you should never go to the doctors office in the afternoon

  • “The Science of Breaks” is proving to be really powerful

  • The science of “breaks” is where the science of sleep was 15 years ago

  • “Breaks are for wimps, breaks are a sign of weakness” - this is totally wrong

  • Professionals take breaks, amateurs don't

  • The three “chronotypes” - the field of chronobiology

    • Morning people - “larks

    • Evening people - “owls"

    • Intermediate people - “third birds"

  • “The Munich Chronotype Questionnaire"

  • Does fasting raise your energy levels throughout the day?

  • Does caffeine positively or negatively our energy flow throughout the day?

  • Take a cup of coffee and then a short nap - will energize you tremendously

  • Our lives are a series of episodes, not a clear linear progression

  • Life is full of Beginnings, Middles, and Ends - and each affects us differently

  • Middles can bring us up or bring us down

  • Mid points are often invisible to us

  • Homework: Make a “break list"

  • A small break is better than no break at all

  • Moving is better than not moving

  • Social is better than solo

  • Best breaks are FULLY detached

  • Homework: Track your daily behavior

  • Set an alarm every 45min to an hour

  • How do I feel right now 1-10

  • How am I worked right now 1-10?

  • Chart those answers over time for a week or two

  • Homework: Observe your own behavior and conduct small experiments - A/B Test on yourself

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Show Notes, Links, & Research

  • [Personal Site] Daniel H. Pink

  • [Article] Cognitive fatigue influences students’ performance on standardized tests by Hans Henrik Sievertsen, Francesca Gino, and Marco Piovesan

  • [Faculty Profile] Francesca Gino

  • [Article] Oh What a Beautiful Morning! The Time of Day Effect on the Tone and Market Impact of Conference Calls by Jing Chen, Elizabeth Demers, and Baruch Lev

  • [Article] The Long-Term Labor Market Consequences of Graduating from College in a Bad Economy by Lisa B. Kahn

  • [Article] The Fresh Start Effect: Temporal Landmarks Motivate Aspirational Behavior by Hengchen Dai, Katherine L. Milkman, and Jason Riis

  • [SoS Episode] The Secret That Silicon Valley Giants Don’t Want You To Know with Dr. Adam Alter

  • [SoS Episode] Everything You Know About Sleep Is Wrong with Dr. Matthew Walker

Episode Transcript


[00:00:19.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success. Introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:12.0] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success, the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the internet with more than 2 million downloads, listeners in over a hundred countries and part of the Self-Help for Smart People Podcast Network.

In this episode we discussed the secrets of perfect timing. Is there really a science to timing the most important things in life? Is it possible that something as simple as time of day could impact the effectiveness of doctors or other medical experts? Can you align your day to be more effective just by changing the time that you do certain activities? We dig into these questions and much more as we explore the truth about the power of time with Dan Pink. 

In this episode, we discuss why the way we think about grit and willpower is fundamentally wrong. Self-control is one of the most research-validated strategies for long-term success, but the way we think about cultivating, it misses the mark. Emotions don't get in the way of self-control. They’re actually the path forward to sustainable and renewable willpower. How do we develop the emotions that underpin grit, self-control and achievement? We dig into that and much more with our guest, Dr. David DeSteno. 

I’m going to give you three reasons why you should join our email list today by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the homepage. There’s some amazing stuff that’s only available to our email subscribers, so be sure to sign up and join the email list today. First, you're going to get an awesome free guide that we created based on listener demand. This is our most popular guide and it’s called How to Organize and Remember Everything, which you can get completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide. You got to sign up to find out by joining the email list today.

Next, you’re going to get a curated weekly email from us every week called Mindset Monday. Our listeners have been absolutely loving this email. It’s short. It's simple. It’s filled with articles, videos, stories, things we found interesting or fascinating in the last week. 

Lastly, you're going to get exclusive content and a chance to shape the show. You can help us vote on guests. You can help us change our intro music and much more. You can even submit your own questions to upcoming guests. You’ll also have access to exclusive giveaways that only people who are on the email list get access to, and much, much more. Be sure to sign up and join the email list. There’s some incredible stuff, but only subscribers who are on the email list are getting access to this awesome information. 

I want to tell you about one of our earlier episodes this month. In our previous episode with Peter Shallard, we explored the gap that exists between learning and doing. Why it is that so many smart, ambitious people invest hours in their growth and development but failed to see breakaway external results for the time that they've invested? If you sometimes feel overwhelmed by all the things you know you could or should be implementing to level up your life and career, then that episode is going to blow your mind. 

We explore what science is telling us about the actual execution of concrete individual growth and measurable upward mobility across various dimensions of life, which are the most effective tactic for moving yourself from learning to doing, with our special guest Peter Shallard. 

That interview a couple of weeks ago is one of the most impactful and different interviews that we've done on the show. If you want to finally take action on what you been procrastinating on, listen to that episode. It will have a big impact on you. 

Now for interview with Dan. 

[0:03:28.4] MB: Today, we have another legendary guest on the show, Daniel Pink. Dan is the New York Times best-selling author of multiple award-winning books including his most recent work When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing. 

Dan has been named one of Thinker 50s top 15 business thinkers in the world. His TED Talk on the science of motivation is one of the 10 most watched TED Talks of all time and his work has been featured across the globe. 

Dan, welcome to the Science of Success. 

[0:03:56.9] DP: Matt, thanks for having me. It’s good to be here. 

[0:03:58.9] MB: Well, we’re very excited to have you on the show. Austin and I have both been big fans of you and your work for years and years and years. So we’re really excited to finally have you on here. I loved to start out with and kind of dig into some of the core ideas from your recent book When. When you talk about kind of timing, many people sort of bring this idea up. Is timing and art or is it a science?

[0:04:23.7] DP: I used to think that it was an art, but I'm not convinced it’s a science, because to write this book and try to figure out how to make better timely decisions, I realized that there is this incredibly vast body of research on timing. Everything from what’s the effective time of day on what we do and how we do it. How do beginnings affect us? How do midpoints affect us? How do endings affect us?

I think the challenge in this research and the challenge in this body of science is that it's really not a self-contained body. It is spread over many disciplines. So there's a research asking these questions in economics, and in social psychology, and also in anthropology, in cognitive science, in molecular biology. There’s a whole field called chronobiology. It's in anesthesiology, and epidemiology, and endocrinology. So the research is splattered across all these disciplines, and because the people in these individual disciplines often don't talk very much to one another, I don't think they fully realize that they’re asked the same questions. 

[0:05:26.7] MB: I love how multidisciplinary kind of approach is. I men, one of the things that we talk a lot about on the show and one of my kind of intellectual heroes is Charlie Monger, who is a huge champion of kind of multidisciplinary thinking. So I think that’s great approach to pursue this sort of question of timing. 

[0:05:42.7] DP: Yeah. Although I have to say just to be fair. I didn’t set out to take a multidisciplinary approach. I set out to find the evidence, and the evidence turned out to be in multiple disciplines. So, generally, when we have a choice, when we have a volition, yeah, I like to see things from different – From multidisciplinary perspective. But I actually discovered the multidiscipline rather than set out to be explicitly multidisciplinary. 

[0:06:06.9] MB: That's really interesting. I mean, I think it comes back to this kind of fundamental premise that to be true, any discipline of reality, or academia, or whatever has to also reflect what every other discipline reflects, right? So to really figure out what's actually the case, and if we get into kind of the evidence and the science and kind of looking for truth in that sense, I think it all comes back to this idea that every discipline has pieces of the truth, and the only way to really get to the ultimate conclusion in a lot of cases is to kind of merge those types of things. I mean, behavioral and economics is another great example of kind of that cross disciplinary approach. 

[0:06:41.7] DP: Sure, and I think it’s really good point and I actually think that the boundaries between disciplines are not fully arbitrary, but are much more porous than we believe. If you think about economics and social psychology, well, they’re both ultimately about behavior and decision-making and the endless tug between individuals and the context that they’re in. The fact that we label one economics and one social psychology is in some ways arbitrary and if you look at the boundary between social psychology and anthropology. 

Anthropology is less experimental, but the underlying questions are in some ways similar. Again, I don’t want to get a lot of hate mail from social scientists, but they are different disciplines. In some ways that have different methodologies, but I really think the border the far more porous and the more we learn about the brain, the more we learn about even human physiology, the more we realize that the boundary between "behavioral science” and the “life sciences” are probably more porous than we realize too. 

[0:07:49.1] MB: I want to come back to this kind of idea of timing, because I think we could go on about multidisciplinary thinking and how powerful it is, but one of the things that you said in the book that really kind of stuck out to me was this idea that we don't take when nearly as seriously as we take what. 

[0:08:09.2] DP: Sure. I mean, it’s the heart of this book. We tend to be very intentional about certain aspects of our live when we think about our work lives. So what are we going to do? We’re intentional about that. We have a to-do-list. Who are we going to do it with? Companies have HR departments to figure out who gets to participate. But when it comes to when we do things, we think it doesn't matter, and the evidence shows it matters. It matters a heck of a lot. Even on the unit of a day, our cognitive abilities don't stay the same throughout the day. They changed in ways that can be fairly dramatic. When we do something depends on what it is we’re doing, and yet we tend to think of these questions of when as a second order, a third order issue, and it's not. I don't think the question that when are more important than the questions of what or who. But I think they’re as important. I think the evidence, that data, the research says that very clearly and loudly. 

[0:09:03.9] MB: I think it's kind of funny. I mean, the listeners may not hear this in kind of the edited version, but we both actually already had like at least one thing we had to kind of edit out of this and retake and we typically record our interviews earlier in the day and we’ll get into kind of the daily architecture of this stuff kind of flows. I just think it's funny. We’re recording this now, 2 PM in the afternoon, and we are dead in the middle of the trough. So we’re both trying to kind of wake up out of the fog and do this interview. 

But I'd love to get into that a little bit. So tell me about what is the science and the data say about how we should structure our kind of daily architecture and how our mood and our performance changes based on the day part?

[0:09:45.2] DP: So what we see in general is this, that most of us move through the day in three stages. There is a peak, a trough and a recovery. Most of us move through the day in that order, peak earlier in the day, trough middle of the day, recovery later in the day. 

Now, when I say most us, that’s actually very important caveat. Some of this is determined by what’s known as our chronotype, which is basically our propensity to wake up early and go to sleep early or wake up late and go to sleep late. About 15% of us are very strong morning people. About 20% of us are very strong evening people, and most of us are kind of in the middle. So 15% of us are larks. 20% of us are owls. Two-thirds of us are what I call third birds. 

The sequence in which you go through these stages depends on your chronotype, and the simplest way to think about it is owls and not owls, nighttime people and not nighttime people. 80% of us go through the day exactly as I suspect it, peak early, trough middle, recovery later. Owls are much more complicated. they might go through the day recovery, trough, peak, but the main thing is that they hit their peak late in the afternoon and early, sometimes even midevening. So why does this matter? 

Let’s think about these three stages, and this goes to the point I made earlier about when we should do something depends on what it is we’re actually doing. During the peak, which are most of us is early in the. That's when we are most vigilant, and that’s the key word here, vigilant. What does is it mean to be vigilant? Vigilance means that you can bat away distraction. You can guard your cerebral gates. You can fight back against intruders, and that makes it the best time for what social psychologists call analytic work. That work that requires heads down, focus and analysis of writing a report, analyzing data, something like that. 

During the trough, we’re actually not good at very much at all. It’s a very dangerous time of the day. You have a lot of problems at healthcare. You have arrived in auto accidents. Trough is the, as you were saying earlier, Matt, is a less than ideal time of day. So what we should be doing there is work that doesn't require massive amounts of brainpower or creativity or administrative work. Answering routine emails, whatever it is, the kind of garbage that all of us do day-to-day on the job. 

They recovery period is actually really interesting. Again, for most of us, that’s late afternoon and early evening. The recovery period is really interesting. At that time of day, our mood has recovered. Our mood is higher and we’re less vigilant and that combination can be potent. That makes it a good time for things like brainstorming, iterative work where we’re able to exercise a little bit more mental looseness than mental tightness, and that's pretty much it, that what we should be doing is we should be doing our administrative work during the trough. We should be doing our analytic work during the peak and we should be doing our creative insight work during the recovery. The problem is that we don't do that. It goes back to this idea that we don't take the when as seriously as we take the what. 

[0:12:49.7] MB: So I’d love to get into some of the research behind these conclusions about kind of the day parts and how our mood and behavior changes throughout the day. I know the data behind this is really robust in many cases. So I’d love to kind of hear that. 

[0:13:02.7] DP: There’s so much interesting stuff, Matt, and what I think is interesting about this, again, and maybe it's analogous to the multidisciplinary research we’re talking about before, is how much we see the same patterns across different domains of life. Let me tell you what I mean by that. So let’s take education. There’s some brilliant research on student test scores in Denmark. This was done by Francesca Gino at Harvard and two Danish researchers. Something very peculiar, sort of natural experiment occurred in Denmark where students in Denmark take standardized tests as they do here in the United States. But in Denmark students take these tests on computers. That don't take them on pencil and paper. 

However, the typical Danish school has more students and computers, so everybody can take the test at the same time. So they’re randomly assigned to take the test at different times of day, and it turns out that kids who take the test in the afternoon versus the morning score considerably worst. They scored as if they missed two weeks of school. That’s pretty amazing when you think about it, and that if taking a test in the afternoon is the equivalent in your performance of missing two full weeks of school. We see this over and over again in education where all times of day are not created equal when it comes to student performance. 

You see this in big time in healthcare where some very alarming research out of the healthcare sector is showing that, for instance, hand washing in hospitals deteriorates considerably in the afternoon. Anesthesia errors are four times more likely at 3 PM than at 9 AM. Doctors perform colonoscopies find as half as many polyps than afternoon exams as doing morning exams. You see this in corporate performance, where there’s a great piece of research out of NYU, New York University, about the tone of corporate conference calls, earnings calls, and earnings calls in the afternoon are more negative, irritable and combative than earnings calls in the morning even when you control for the fundamentals of what earnings company is reporting. 

So in every domain – I mean, basically in multiple, multiple domains, we see some fundamental tenets here about human performance, and one of them is that our cognitive abilities don't stay the same throughout the day. That's really important. Our brainpower isn't the same throughout the day. It changes. Some of those changes can be fairly dramatic so that the difference between the daily high point and the daily low point is often quite significant. 

As I was saying before, when we do something depends on what it is that we’re doing, and that goes back to what we’re saying before. It's like, so we should be much more intentional about putting the right work at the right time, doing that heads down, lockdown focus work requiring vigilance during our peak period, which for most of us is morning. For Alice, it’s later in the day. Doing that more insight-driven brainstorming ton of research during the recovery period, which for most of us is late afternoon or early evening, and using the period in the middle of the day, which is generally a pretty bad period for stuff that isn’t a heavy lift, answering routine emails, doing that kind of thing. 

[0:16:02.6] MB: I find the performance gap be pretty amazing. I mean, the Danish kind of schools example. 

[0:16:08.4] DP: Yeah. It’s incredible. 

[0:16:09.9] MB: Yeah, it was really, really fascinating. 

[0:16:11.8] DP: It’s really incredible. I think the other thing that’s interesting about that researcher is also – I don't want to sound hopeless here, because there are remedies for this. So, I mean, the meta-remedy is being much more intentional about doing the right work at the right time. But the other more tactical remedy, in Denmark, and you see it with some of these other studies as well, is that one of the things that help give those scores a lift back up was giving the kids a break. Giving the kids a 20 to 30 minute break beforehand to get a snack and run around. When they had that, they afternoon test scores went up. 

There’s another aspect of the science of all of these, which is that the science of breaks is proving to be really powerful. That we should be taking more breaks. We should be taking certain kinds of breaks. We see it in the research on handwashing in hospitals. One of the remedies for getting handwashing in hospitals backup was to give the nurses more breaks in particular, in that case, social breaks, breaks with other people. So if we go into the underlying evidence, we can get some clues about what's going on in our midst and how to do things a little bit better. 

[0:17:16.1] MB: Yeah, I think the kind of theme of recovery and downtime and taking breaks is something we see again and again as kind of one of the most common and recurrent themes on the show. We've interviewed a number of people who are kind of top performance experts in that kind of stuff and they talk again and again about how critical rest and recovery is. So that's fascinating. 

[0:17:35.9] DP: Well, here’s what I think about that. It’s interesting you say that, because my analogy here is that if you look at, again, the science. I think the science of breaks is where the science of sleep was 15 years ago, that I’d really do think that in this country we have a somewhat changed perspective on sleep that I find fewer people saying, “Oh, sleep when I'm dead,” or “Sleep is for wimps.”

I think that in the last 15 years or so, the science of sleep is deep and its hit some critical level of public consciousness. So at least somewhat less, people are not celebrating as much sleep deprivation and pulling all-nighters because we know it hurts performance. It doesn't help performance. That you shouldn’t be bragging about that, you should be ashamed of that. I mean, nobody would brag about saying, “Oh my God! I came into the office yesterday and was totally drunk,” and sleep of sleep has that kind of effect and I think we’re changing on that, on our approach to sleep. I think the same thing is happening with breaks. 

Again, I don't have clean hands here because I'm someone who never took breaks and my attitude toward breaks was that breaks are for wimps, breaks are sign of weakness, breaks are concession, that amateurs take breaks, but professional don’t. As you’ve discovered on your show, it’s the exact opposite. Professionals take breaks. It’s the amateur that don't take breaks. But every once in a while a body of research, a body of science gets deep enough that it has some substance, but whatever collection of forces, it ends up hitting public consciousness and changing the way we approach our life. I think that is happening now asleep and I think that's on the brink of happening with breaks. 

[0:19:11.4] MB: That's a really fascinating insight, and I think it's great way to kind of look at that, because sleep definitely has become more – People have started to realize how critical it is. We had an interview a couple of months ago with Dr. Matthew Walker, who’s one of the top sleep experts. 

[0:19:25.9] DP: I recommend that book all the time. I’m spacing on the name of it, but it's Why We Sleep, something like that. But it's the best book on sleep science around. 

[0:19:33.7] MB: Yeah. Yeah, he's a fascinating dude, and we’ll throw that in the show notes so listeners can did into that. But it's a great way to kind of conceive that, because you're right. I think there is still a huge stigma around taking breaks. You know what I mean? I can’t imagine going into a random fortune 500 company’s office and seeing somebody napping at 3 PM in the afternoon. 

[0:19:52.6] DP: Yeah, and maybe they should be. Maybe they’d be performing better. It is a weirdly American thing, that is that somehow Americans, no matter where they come from, have absorbed some of this puritanical mindset where breaks are sign of not only like physical and intellectual laziness, but they’re a sign of moral weakness, and it’s just the wrong way to think about it. As I said, I'm a sinner in all of these, because that's what I used to think. 

[0:20:23.5] MB: Yeah. I mean, I think I have the same belief, and even years ago, the same kind of conception about sleep and how it wasn’t important and all of this kind of stuff. The more you look at, whether it's the science and the data, people like Dr. Matthew Walker, or even the world's top performance experts, sleep, rest, recovery, it's so vital. 

[0:20:41.4] DP: Absolutely. You have many NBA teams now have sleep consultants where they’re monitoring their players’ sleep where they're actually taking away some of the autonomy players have over the temperature in the rooms when the sleep. So sleep is a part of our performance. Just as breaks are part of our performance. 

Again, I used to think that these things were deviation from performance. They were concessions that you had to make, but I actually think the better way to look at it is that breaks are part of performance itself. 

[0:21:13.6] MB: Yeah, I think that’s a great way to kind of contextualize it. 

[0:21:17.5] DP: So I want to come back and circle back to this idea of chronotypes and the three kind of different ways that people kind of live in the world and how they kind of interact with different day cycles. Could you tell me again and kind of share what were the three different types?

[0:21:32.5] DP: Sure. We have to think about it as a spectrum, but the three broad categories are — you can think of as morning people, evening people and intermediate people, or to put some feathers on it, larks, owls and what I call third birds. As I said, the distribution is about 15% of us are larks, 20% of us are owls and about two-thirds of us are third birds in the middle. 

What that does is all that is it's a way of categorizing your propensity. Are you more likely to – Are you the kind of person who wakes up early and goes to sleep early? Or are you the kind of person that wakes up late to goes to sleep late? Or are you somewhere in the middle? That has an effect on how we navigate the day, that the patterns of the day, the hidden pattern of the day is somewhat different for these. It's different for every individual. There’s individual variation But in this broader group, there is variation in that larks are peak, trough recovery. Most third birds are peak, trough recovery. Owls are much, much, much, much, much more complicated. 

[0:22:34.8] MB: It's really just to see me. I mean, I think you hear and kind of experience colloquially people saying, “Oh! I'm a night owl,” etc., etc. But there's actually a ton of science that kind of supports that conclusion. 

[0:22:46.6] DP: Oh my God! There's a whole field called chronobiology that has devoted a huge amount of resources to this. It's relatively easy to figure out your chronotype. There is a something called a Munich chronotype questionnaire, the MCTQ, which you want to take online. You can also do it in a back of the envelope way by figuring out your midpoint of sleep on days when you don't have to get up to an alarm clock.

[0:23:09.3] MB: That's really interesting. So basically when you say midpoint of sleep, just take the time that you – 

[0:23:13.6] DP: Yeah. Well, let’s do it for you, Matt. So let’s think about — What’s important here to do is think about what chronobiologists call as a free day. A free day is a day you don't have to wake up to an alarm clock and you’re also not massively sleep deprived. So you're sleeping and you can wake up when you want and you’d go to sleep when you want. 

So, for you, when would that be? On a free day, you don't have to wake up to an alarm clock, but you're not massively sleep deprived so you’re not trying to catch up. When would you we typically go to sleep? At what time?

[0:23:37.0] MB: Probably 10 PM. 

[0:23:39.8] DP: And then what time would you typically wake up?

[0:23:41.7] DP: Probably between six and seven. 

[0:23:43.1] DP: Okay, so let's call it – I mean, just call it six, all right? So you wake up at six. What we’re trying to do here is figure out your midpoint of sleep. So your midpoint of sleep if you went to sleep at 10 and woke up at six, your midpoint of sleep would be 2 AM. Okay. So you're a lark definitely. 

[0:24:00.3] MB: Yeah. I mean, I think I definitely am. 

[0:24:01.8] DP: So if your midpoint of sleep is 3:30 AM or earlier, you're probably a lark. If it's 5:30 AM or later, you're probably an owl, and if it between 3:30 and 5:30, you’re a third bird. So that's fairly larky profile right there. So you’re probably in the 15% of people who are larks. So you’re going to go to the day probably peak, trough, recovery and your peak is probably going to begin earlier and end earlier than my peak. I'm not an owl by any means. I’m larky, but not a full-fledged lark like you. 

So for you, someone like you, that start in the morning, relatively early in the morning, is going to be when you're most vigilant. So any work you have that requires vigilance is best done during that stretch of time. 

[0:24:44.5] MB: It's funny I’ve kind of, before even discovering when I think I'd kind of stumbled into this daily architecture of having my first couple of hours of the day be all around kind of that proactive, most important tasks, kind of the important but not urgent kind of activities. 

[0:25:00.2] DP: Absolutely, and that's hard to do. Most of us don't do that. Most of us know – And Eisenhower's famous 2x2 matrix of important and urgent, most of us neglect the important for the urgent and it takes some discipline and good set of choice architecture, a good pattern of choice architecture to get around that. 

[0:25:21.6] MB: So there's a couple kind of variables that I'm curious if you looked at or stumbled upon in your research. One of them is fasting. Have you seen or did you uncover anything about how fasting, either positively or negatively kind of impacts energy levels throughout the day? 

[0:25:37.5] DP: I not look at that. I’ve found a lot of the research on nutrition or whatnot somewhat internally contradictory and I didn't feel comfortable going full throttle. 

[0:25:46.6] MB: Yeah, it’s a minefield. 

[0:25:47.3] DP: Yeah exactly. I didn't feel comfortable. That said, I mean, there is research out there on – Certainly, there's a lot of research showing that calorie restriction, sometimes severe calorie reduction can aid in longevity. There is some research now and some practice out there on intermittent fasting. There is a very interesting line of research. Again, it's not in humans yet, called TRF, time-restricted feeding, which suggests that the key to weight control might not be what you actually eat, but when you eat it, and then if you can restrict your eating to a certain 12-hour period, like you never eat before 7 AM and after 7 PM, that that might be helpful for weight loss.

There are these more popular books with these various kinds. I've no idea how scientifically valid they are where you fast for two days and then eat what you want for five days. This intermittent fasting might have effect of rebooting or streamlining our metabolism. 

[0:26:51.2] MB: Yeah. I mean, trying to step aside from the whole weight loss and that kind of question, because I know that can be a disaster. I was more curious specifically about kind of energy levels, but it sounds like you didn't necessarily go down that rabbit hole. 

[0:27:01.9] DP: No, I didn't. I found that nutrition work a thicket. I really did.

[0:27:06.2] MB: Yeah. It is a thicket. 

[0:27:08.4] DP: And I didn’t know how much guidance I can give readers based on the thicket. Maybe bushwhacking through that thicket, I wasn't sure I was going to get it right and I wasn't sure whether the people who are doing the research actually fully knew, because there are a lot of contradictions from study to study. I also feel like – And this is science, too, that, “Oh! What we thought two years ago about this is not right.” “Oh! What we thought two years before that, that’s not right either.” So whatever it is we’re thinking about today could be superseded by whatever it is that we discover two or three year attempts. 

[0:27:43.1] MB: So this is kind of a related sort of just tidbit of a question, but did you find any research or look at all on the impacts of caffeine and kind of that peak, trough or daily energy levels?

[0:27:53.6] DP: There are some. For instance, I think there’s a pretty strong argument against having a cup of coffee as soon as you wake up, and the research – Coffee has a caffeine delivery mechanism. When we wake up, we start producing cortisol. It’s a stress hormone, and that's one of things that helps us wake up. We produce it naturally. It's part of what is waking up, and it turns out the caffeine can interfere with the production of cortisol. 

So if you inject caffeine, immediately you inject caffeine while you're producing cortisol, it can actually slow the production arrest/stymie the production of cortisol. So what you’re better off doing is waiting an hour or so before introducing caffeine in the morning, because at that point your cortisol levels will have begun declining and you can then use the caffeine to bring up your levels of alertness.

There's also some interesting research on napping and coffee drinking. There’s a very strong argument in the science for taking very short naps. There is an even stronger argument for having a cup of coffee before taking a very short nap, because it takes about 25 minutes for caffeine to get into your bloodstream. 

So if you drink a cup of coffee and then lie down and try to get a 10 or 12 minute nap, when you're waking up and set your alarm for 25 minutes, it takes you 5, 10 minutes just to fall asleep. You can nap for 12 or 13 minutes. When you're waking up, you are able to get the restorative benefits of the nap without the groggy-buggy feeling and the added bonus of a big dose of caffeine kicking in at that exact moment. 

[0:29:30.3] MB: This is obviously kind of a sample of one, but I found that if I forgo caffeine completely, my energy level, let’s say it sorts of stays at like a 6 out of 10 throughout the day, and if I have it in the morning, my energy is like an eight or nine in the morning, but then I think it almost amplifies the kind of trough and the crash in the afternoon. 

[0:29:49.6] DP: Sure. That sounds plausible. I mean, I don’t know the physiology well enough to draw to assert big, big claims about that, but that seems very plausible to me. I remember, human beings got by fine without caffeine for a long time. 

[0:30:04.7] MB: So let's zoom out of this sort of nutritional rabbit hole and even further out of kind of the daily architecture component, and I want to get to the kind of idea of timing in a more macro sense in terms of life events and how those kind of – It impacts our lives in a broader sense. Can you talk a little bit about some of the conclusions that you’ve found and doing the work for the book?

[0:30:27.2] DP: Sure. I mean, what we have here is that our lives are in many ways a series of episodes. They’re not clear linear progression in many cases, and episodes have beginnings, middles, and ends, and beginnings, middles and ends each exert different effects on our behavior. So there’s a whole body of research on how do beginnings affect us. There’s a fascinating body of research on how midpoints affects us. Sometimes midpoints bring us down. Other times it fires us up. There’re some great stuff on endings. How do endings shape our memory? How do endings shape our mood? How do endings change our behavior? This stuff is as important as the day-to-day effects of biology and physiology, physiology and psychology on how we perform. 

[0:31:10.7] MB: Let’s go deeper into that. So let's start with beginnings. Talk about how beginnings, kind of how do they shape us and what are kind of the implications of being in the beginning phase of something. 

[0:31:21.9] DP: Well, it’s going to demand from domain to domain. For instance, you look at some of the research in economics, particularly from Lisa Kahn at Yale showing that the initial labor market of conditions when you graduate, basically – I’m don’t want to fancy it up. There’s a great research for instance from Lisa Kahn at Yale who found that the unemployment rate when you graduate college can predict what your wages are going to be 20 years later. So that somebody who graduate from college in a recession 20 years later is going to probably learn – A similarly situated person will earn less than someone who graduated in a boom time. So what the labor market is like when you first enter it has a big effect on our wages literally two decades later, which is a little bit alarming. 

There’s also some great research from Katie Milkman at Penn, Jason Riis at Penn, Hengchen Dai was at Penn, now is a, I think, UCLA, about the importance of picking the right date to start something. So certain dates operate as what they call triggering a fresh start effect, where we do this weird form of mental accounting on certain days where we banish our bad, old selves to the past and open up a fresh ledger on our new selves. So what they found is people are more likely to start a diet or start a new exercise regimen or those kinds of positive behavioral changes, they’re more likely to start them on a Monday rather than on a Thursday, on the first of the month rather than on the 13th of the month, on the day after their birthday rather than the day before their birthday. 

[0:32:52.6] MB: I can definitely see that. So with the kind of awareness of that knowledge, how do you think we should sort of think about shaping or changing the way we interact with the beginnings in our lives?

[0:33:04.9] DP: Again, I think it’s a question of intentionality, that is – So, for instance, you and I happen to be talking on a Thursday that is the 31st of the month. That's a really bad day to start something in general, because Thursday is not a fresh start date. The 31st is not a fresh start date. What we also know is that the first of the month is actually a pretty good for a start date. So you’re starting on the day before the first of the month. So if I were planning some kind of behavior change of my own, today would not be the ideal day to start it. 

Again, it’s just simply being – Going back to your earlier question, Matt, it's like we don't take the when as seriously as we take the what. So we know what we should, “Hey, I need to stop eating meat,” or, “Hey, I need to exercise more.” But when we start doing that can play a role in how long we sustain the behavior. 

[0:33:56.4] MB: That totally makes sense. I mean, I think the simplest way that I could kind of conceive of that is even just the birthday example. It’s really simple, right? If it's about to be your birthday, you want to go out and have a nice dinner and eat some cake and kind of let loose. You’re definitely not going to be starting a diet or kind of radically changing your life right before that happens. 

[0:34:15.9] DP: No, but the day after your birthday is a very important for a start date for people. 

[0:34:20.0] MB: So what about middles? What did you find about middles and how they kind of function in our lives?

[0:34:25.2] DP: Will, as I said, midpoint, two things. Sometimes they bring us up, sometimes they bring us down. So you look at the research on well-being over the course of a lifetime and it turns out that it's shaped like a U where we’re relatively happy in our 20s and 30s, begin to decline in our 40s, reach of bottom in our 50s and then start to take it back up in our 60s, 70s, and if we make it, 80s and 90s. Then you also see other kinds of patterns of behavior and how will people comply with rules and how diligent they are where at the beginning they’re very diligent, at the end they’re very diligent, but their diligence fades a little bit in the middle. 

On the other hand, there's also research on the other side of that showing that teams, when they do team projects, they really don't begin their work in earnest until the middle of the project. So if a team has 35 days to finish a project, they’ll likely get started in earnest on day 18. The first 17 days, they won't do that much and it's only when they hit that temporal midpoint where they throw off old patterns and reengage and really get going. 

Also, some research from the NBA showing that for NBA teams, basketball teams – Again, basketball is something where there is an explicit midpoint. Most midpoint are invisible to us. Basketball has a very visible midpoint. It’s called halftime. A horn goes off. We announce it. These researchers found that teams ahead at half time are more likely to win the game with one exception. Teams that are trailing by one point are more likely to win than teams that are ahead by one point, that being down by one at halftime is equivalent to being up by two in your win probability. So sometimes midpoint create a slump, sometimes they create a spark, and simply being aware of all that allows you to be volitional enough about it to do something about it. 

[0:36:16.3] MB: In essence, midpoints are kind of these critical inflection points that can have a tremendous shift in one direction or another. 

[0:36:22.9] DP: Absolutely, and they're usually invisible to us. That's a problem. So if we make them visible, we can be – Again, my word of the moment, intentional about what we do about it. 

[0:36:33.5] MB: That's a great point. It's always hardest to kind of figure out when you're in the middle, right? The beginning are usually pretty clear, the ending is pretty clear, but the middle is the challenging part.

[0:36:41.5] DP: Right. I mean, certain project will have a certain duration and they’ll be a deadline or something like that and then you can work backward. But yeah, and that kind of ambiguity makes it tough sledding sometimes. 

[0:36:50.2] MB: And coming to this idea of sort of endings and the importance of endings. I know you share a really funny example of when people typically run a marathon.

[0:36:59.9] DP: Sure. That’s the research from Adam Alter and Hal Hershfield showing that people are disproportionately likely to run their first marathon in years that end in a 9, so 29, 39, 49, 59. 49-year-olds are, for instance, three times more likely to run a first marathon than 50-year-olds, because this is another effective ending. If the end of something becomes salient, we kick a little bit harder. 

[0:37:23.9] MB: That's fascinating. And again, I think it makes sense intuitively, but it's really interesting to see when the data kind of backs that conclusion up. 

[0:37:31.4] DP: Oh, yeah. 

[0:37:32.6] MB: So I think this is really interesting kind of conception that in many cases we don't prioritize or sort of de-prioritize the timing of things in our lives, but in reality that’s just as important as many other factors. 

[0:37:48.7] DP: Yeah, absolutely right. 

[0:37:50.9] MB: So for listeners who want to kind of take this concept of timing and the science of timing and apply it in some way concretely, what would kind of be a piece of homework that you would give to them in terms of kind of an action step they could implement in their lives to start being more intentional, as you said, about the timing of things around us both in our days and in the broader story of our lives?

[0:38:13.5] DP: Well, there are all kind of things. There are all kinds of things you can do. I think one of the simplest one is to make a break list, and I try to do this every day that I'm in my office, which is I will write down a certain time of day, let's say like 1:00 in the afternoon when I will take a break and I'll put it into my list of things to do that day at that particular time. So if I had a meeting or a phone call at a particular time of the day, I would never miss that. So I will go every afternoon, take –, I'm not going crazy here. At least one 10 or 15-minute walk around my neighborhood, and what we know about the design principles of breaks, it breaks our – That something is better than nothing. So even a short break is better than no break at all, that moving is better than stationary. So you're better off being in motion rather than just being plopped on the couch. 

We know that social is better than solo. So breaks with another person are more restorative. We know that the best breaks are fully detached, that as you leave your phone at home, you leave your phone behind and you don't talk about work if you’re going out with somebody else. So scheduling one break every day to do something, like go walk around outside with somebody, like talking about something other than work can be really, really powerful. 

Some of it also – I mean, among the other – There are so many in this book. There are so many huge. It’s just bursting with takeaways, some of which are going to depend on a particular person's experience or their perspective, but one of the things that think is useful for everybody is trying to track your daily behavior. So you can set your phone alarm to ring every 15 – Not every 15, every 45 minutes or an hour and 15 minutes or some like that and prompt two questions for you. How am I feeling right now on a scale of 1 to 10? How am I working right now on a scale of 1 to 10? If you chart that very simple set of self-reports, if you chart that over time, not bad. 

[0:40:05.1] MB: So what would be a good kind of sample size to chart those, a week, two weeks?

[0:40:11.0] DP: I would try it for a week. Yeah, I’d try it for a week. Again, I think part of – There’s also one of the things that we should get better at is observing our own behavior and actually conducting small experiments. I wouldn't know the answers to a lot of stuff. This is one reason why in the digital world they do so much A-B testing. Facebook knows whether I'm more likely to click a royal blue button or an aquamarine colored button. They serve their customers both and see which one is more popular. I think there's a lot of room to do A-B testing in ourselves, A-B testing organizations, and we should go in and treat a lot of our performance out, and this is at the heart of your show, Matt. We should treat a lot of our performance as if we’re scientists. 

Okay. What do scientists do? They have a hypothesis and they test the hypothesis. So I have a hypothesis that I’m going to do better doing my insight work starting at 5 PM, or maybe even later, 6 PM to 7 PM to do my insight work. Okay, that’s my hypothesis. Is it going to work? Let’s test my hypothesis. So go do that for a month or a week or two weeks or a month and then I see how it goes. If the hypothesis is right, great, I’ve learned something. If the hypothesis is wrong, great, I’ve learned something. 

[0:41:20.7] MB: So I think there’s two kind of funny anecdotes about that. One is when you started talking about breaks and kind of making a break list, the first thing you said about it was, “I'm not going crazy here taking all kinds of breaks,” and I think it's just underscores what we talked about at the beginning the conversation, which is this idea that there's kind of this social stigma around taking breaks. It's okay if you want to take a break then. We’re going to allow you to take one. 

I think the second piece, I love this idea of observing your behavior and kind of conducting small experiments. I mean, about a week ago I started – I was asking, I was really curious about this kind of caffeine and how it impacts people's energy levels to see if you'd seen any science behind it, but I started this experiment about a week ago where I’ve just kind of alternating days where I have caffeine and days where I don’t and seeing what my energy levels look like throughout the day and kind of trying to track that, “Okay. Is there sort of a repeatable pattern here, kind of peaks and troughs?” right? 

[0:42:10.9] DP: Yeah. That’s the way to do it. Yeah, absolutely. 

[0:42:14.0] MB: So for listeners who want to dig in more, who want to find you and your work, where's the best place to find that online?

[0:42:19.8] DP: They can go to www.danpink, D-A-N-P-I-N-K.com, www.danpink.com. I got all kinds of groovy stuff there, good videos. I’ve got PDFs of discussion guides for book. I get information on all the books. I’ve got other freebies and things like that. I do an email newsletter that’s free. I do something that I call a pink cast, which of these regular short videos with tools and tips and everything there is free. 

[0:42:45.9] MB: Well, Dan, thank you so much for coming on the show, for sharing all of these insights and practical strategies. As I said, we've been big fans of you and your work for a long time, so it's great to have you on here to kind of share some insights with the listeners. 

[0:42:57.7] DP: It’s been a pleasure, Matt. Thanks for having me. 

[0:42:59.0] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you, our listeners, master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story or just say hi, shoot me an email. My email is matt@successpodcast.com. That's M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I'd love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener email. 

I'm going to give you three reasons why you should sign up for our email list today by going to successpodcast.com signing up right on the homepage. There's some incredible stuff that only available to those on the email list, so be sure to sign up, including an exclusive curated weekly email from us called Mindset Monday, which is short, simple, filled with articles, stories, things that we found interesting and fascinating in the world of evidence-based growth in the last week. 

Next, you're going to get an exclusive chance to shape the show, including voting on guests, submitting your own personal questions that we’ll ask guests on air and much more. Lastly, you’re going to get a free guide we created based on listener demand, our most popular guide, which is called How to Organize and Remember everything. You can get it completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide by signing up and joining the email us today. Again, you can do that at successpodcast.com, sign up right at the homepage, or if you're on the go, just text the word “smarter”, S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44222. 

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Don't forget, if you want to get all the incredible information we talk about in the show, links, transcripts, everything we discussed and much more, be sure to check out our show notes. You can get those at successpodcast.com, just hit the show notes button right at the top. 

Thanks again and we'll see you on the next episode of the Science of Success.


June 21, 2018 /Lace Gilger
Focus & Productivity, Mind Expansion
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What Everyone Gets Wrong About Willpower & Grit - The Science of Long-Term Success with Dr. David DeSteno

June 14, 2018 by Lace Gilger in Emotional Intelligence, Focus & Productivity

In this episode, we discuss why the way we think about grit and willpower is fundamentally wrong. Self-control is one of the most research-validated strategies for long-term success - but the way we think about cultivating is fundamentally wrong. Emotions don’t get in the way of self-control - they are actually the path forward to sustainable and renewable willpower. How do we develop the emotions that underpin grit, self-control, and achievement? We dig into that and much more with our guest Dr. David DeSteno. 

Dr. David DeSteno is an author and professor of psychology at North-Eastern University where he directs the Social Emotions Group. He is a fellow of the Association for Psychological Science and the American Psychological Association. His work has been featured in the New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, and more!

  • What do Marshmallows have to do with success?

  • What do Buddhist monks and hot sauce have to do with the most effective strategies for succeeding over the long term?

  • Lower debt, lower addictive behavior, better SAT scores, and higher overall life success can be predicted by the ability to resist temptation and delay gratification

  • There’s NO DOUBT that delayed gratification/resisting temptation is highly correlated with success 

  • The real question is - what’s the best way to create self-control. Does willpower actually work? Do our emotions get in the way of self-control?

  • Self-control didn’t evolve so that we could save money for retirement or complete Whole 30. It evolved to help us develop strong relationships

  • What are the mechanisms that create fairness and good character? Positive emotions. 

  • Rather than being a roadblock to self-control, emotions may actually be the best way to develop self-control

  • Willpower tends to be pretty fragile, the longer you try to rely on it or use it, it fails

  • 25% of new years resolutions fail in the first 2 weeks - why is that?

  • 1 out of every 5 times the average person tries to resist temptation, they fail

  • Relying too much on willpower can increase your stress levels, cause premature aging, and negative health impacts

  • What research reveals why 90% of people cheat in this crazy experiment 

  • The danger of using reason and rationalizations 

  • Evolutionary basis of these pro-social emotions 

  • Emotional responses to self-control are better and stronger 

  • Self-control is highly correlated with pretty much every positive life outcome - let's dig into the strategies for how we cultivate more of it 

  • Revisiting the marshmallow test for adults - and determining what really works to help adults develop self-control 

  • The three emotions of developing self-control

  • Gratitude

    1. Compassion

    2. Pride

  • People who have more of these pro-social emotions (gratitude, compassion, and pride) persevere 40% longer than someone who doesn't. 

  • Most successful teams at organizations like Google are predicated on empathy and compassion, not technical skill. 

  • These emotions seem to form “pushing vs pulling” - more sustainable and powerful strategy of self-control 

  • The pro-social emotions are “the font of virtue” - you don’t have to struggle and remind yourself, they naturally create more self-control

  • 53% of Americans feel lonely in their work lives. Loneliness is as bad for your health as smoking. 

  • Pro social emotions not only give you “grit” - they give you “grace” - and the ability to invest in others and to help them. 

  • Resume virtues vs eulogy virtues - what are they and how do we balance them?

  • Should you be a jerk or should you be nice in order to succeed?

  • Self-control is double sided - it's about both controlling negative impulses (anger, etc) and making positive long-term choices (eat healthily, save money, etc)

  • Meditation does not tamp down your negative responses, it prevents them from arising in the first place

  • Key strategies for cultivating pro-social emotions

  • Gratitude practices

    1. Meditation

    2. Perspective taking exercises

    3. Self-compassion

  • How do we develop an effective gratitude practice?

  • Noticing gratitude at the moment is even more powerful than gratitude journaling

  • What kind of meditation strategies are the most effective and most scientifically validated?

  • Why Pride? Is that really a positive and pro-social emotion?

  • People will work 40% longer when they feel “proud” of the work they are doing

  • Willpower based cognitive tools are weak and potentially harmful to us both socially and individually

  • Emotionally based strategies for self-control are more robust and sustainable

  • Homework: Choose your emotion and pick a weekly practice to start implementing it

  • Gratitude

    1. Meditation

    2. Compassion

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Thank you so much for listening!

Please SUBSCRIBE and LEAVE US A REVIEW on iTunes! (Click here for instructions on how to do that).

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This weeks episode is brought to you by our partners at Skillshare!

For a limited time, Skillshare is offering our listeners TWO MONTHS OF UNLIMITED CLASSES for only $0.99! That's UNLIMITED classes for two months for only $0.99. Go to www.skillshare.com/success to redeem this incredible offer NOW!

Skillshare is an online learning platform with over 20,000 classes in design, business, technology, and more. Whether you’re trying to deepen your professional skill-set, start a side hustle, or just explore something new, Skillshare will keep you learning and thriving.


Again, Skillshare is offering our listeners the incredible deal of two whole months of UNLIMITED classes for only $0.99 so get out there and start learning at www.skillshare.com/success

SHOW NOTES, LINKS, & RESEARCH

  • [SoS Episode] The Science of Power - How to Acquire It, What Makes You Lose it with Dr. Dacher Keltner

  • [SoS Episode] Blindspots, Bias, Billionaires and Bridgewater with Dr. Adam Grant

  • [SoS Episode] Break Your Phone Addiction (& Your Other Bad Habits) With Charles Duhigg

  • [Book] The Truth About Trust: How It Determines Success in Life, Love, Learning, and More by David DeSteno

  • [Book] Emotional Success: The Power of Gratitude, Compassion, and Pride by David DeSteno

  • [Personal Website] David DeSteno

  • [Wiki Article] Walter Mischel

  • [Article] Self-control forecasts better psychosocial outcomes but faster epigenetic aging in low-SES youth by Gregory E. Miller, Tianyi Yu, Edith Chen, and Gene H. Brody

  • [TEDTalks] David Brooks - “Should you live for your résumé ... or your eulogy?”

  • [Harvard Program] Program for Evolutionary Dynamics

  • [Article] Self-Control and Aggression by Thomas F. Denson, C. Nathan DeWall, and Eli J. Finkel

  • [SoS Episode] Pride: Why The Deadliest Sin Could Hold the Secret to Your Success with Dr. Jessica Tracy

  • [HBR Video] Trustworthy Signals by David DeSteno

Episode Transcript


[00:00:19.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success. Introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:12.0] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success, the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the internet with more than 2 million downloads, listeners in over a hundred countries and part of the Self-Help for Smart People Network.

In this episode, we discuss why the way we think about grit and willpower is fundamentally wrong. Self-control is one of the most research-validated strategies for long-term success, but the way we think about cultivating, it misses the mark. Emotions don't get in the way of self-control. They’re actually the path forward to sustainable and renewable willpower. How do we develop the emotions that underpin grit, self-control and achievement? We dig into that and much more with our guest, Dr. David DeSteno. 

I’m going to give you three reasons why you should join our email list today by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the homepage. There’s some amazing stuff that’s only available to our email subscribers, so be sure to sign up and join the email list today. First, you're going to get an awesome free guide that we created based on listener demand. This is our most popular guide and it’s called How to Organize and Remember Everything, which you can get completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide. You got to sign up to find out by joining the email list today.

Next, you’re going to get a curated weekly email from us every week called Mindset Monday. Our listeners have been absolutely loving this email. It’s short. It's simple. It’s filled with articles, videos, stories, things we found interesting or fascinating in the last week. 

Lastly, you're going to get exclusive content and a chance to shape the show. You can help us vote on guests. You can help us change our intro music and much more. You can even submit your own questions to upcoming guests. You’ll also have access to exclusive giveaways that only people who are on the email list get access to, and much, much more. Be sure to sign up and join the email list. There’s some incredible stuff, but only subscribers who are on the email list are getting access to this awesome information. 

In an earlier episode this month, we looked at the gap that exists between learning and doing. Why it is that so many smart, ambitious people invest hours in their growth and development, but fail to see breakaway external results for the time they've invested. If you sometimes feel overwhelmed by all the things you know you could or should be implementing to level up your life and career, then that episode is going to blow your mind. We explore what science is telling us about the actual execution of concrete individual growth and measurable upward mobility across various dimensions of life. We share the most effective tactic for moving yourself from learning to doing with our special guest, Peter Shallard. 

Our interview with Peter Shallard earlier this month is what you need to finally take action on what you've been procrastinating on. That episode is one of the most unique and impactful episodes we've done on the Science of Success. Be sure to listen to that episode and check it out. It's going to have a big impact on you. It will make you into someone who takes action and creates results in their life. 

Now, for our interview with David. 

[0:03:30.9] MB: Today we have another fascinating guests of the show, Dr. David DeSteno. David is author and professor of psychology at Northeastern University, where he directs the social emotions group. He is a fellow of the Association for Psychological Science, and the American Psychological Association. He’s work has been featured in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, USA Today, and much more. 

David, welcome to the Science of Success. 

[0:03:52.7] DD: Hi, Matt, thanks for having me on. 

[0:03:54.3] MB: We’re really excited to have you on the show today, and to start out I'm curious, kind of a weird opening question, but what do marshmallows have to do with success?

[0:04:05.1] DD: It's a good question. I think this study, which everybody is colloquially calls the marshmallow test, is one of the most famous studies of self-control. Probably one of the most famous studies of 20th century psychology, and the way it works, just to give your audience a sense, is the psychologist who conducted this was Walter Mischel, and he was interested in what led kids to be able to resist temptation, to have willpower. 

So the way this experiment work is he would come in and he would put a marshmallow down in front of a child, and to a child a marshmallow is a pretty good reward. We’re talking like four-year-olds that like to eat them, and he’d say, “You can have this marshmallow now, but I have to go do something. If you wait till I get back and don't eat it you can have two.” Then he’d go out of the room and he’d leave that there. If you see videos of reenactments of this, it's just adorable watching the kids try to resist trying to eat this marshmallow. Some kids lick it. Some kids cover their eyes. You can feel the gears of willpower turning. 

But what he found was the kids that were able to wait, to not gobble that first marshmallow, had lots of improved outcomes over time. So, for example, they had better grades in school and they had better friendships, more loyalty. Their teachers thought their academic performance was superior. So he followed these kids throughout their life and he found they had better career success. Self-control based on this test has been tied to lower deaths, lower addictive behaviors, all of these things that touch on the many different aspects of success. 

So that kind of has – And there's lots of work building off that has shown us that the ability to delay gratification, to resist temptation, is an important marker for how we succeed in life. It’s very related to one of the buzzwords these days called grit, which is the ability to kind of work hard at something that's difficult to do to succeed down the line. 

[0:05:51.8] MB: So does grit work or is grit overrated and kind of overhyped?

[0:05:56.2] DD: Yeah. There's no doubt that the ability to delay gratification, to value the future more than the present leads to success. It's something that economists call inter-temporal choice, which basically means I have a decision that has different consequences as time unfolds. So if you extrapolate the marshmallow test, what we’re facing as adults, my ability to put money into my retirement account rather than spend it on the newest smartphone, or my ability to go to the gym even though I really don't want to in the moment, rather sit home and watch TV, but to make myself do that for future gain. All of those things clearly underlie success. 

My argument though is that how we get there, how we engage self-control, how we give ourselves the ability to persevere and value the future over the present is wrong. So I think the goal is self-control and grit are clearly important, but there's a much better way to build and cultivate those abilities than the way most people are telling us right now. 

[0:06:56.6] MB: So what's wrong with the way that we currently think about or often kind of speakers right and talk about developing grit or self-control?

[0:07:05.9] DD: Yeah. Well, if you go to your local Barnes & Noble you'll see that the shelves are filled with bestsellers that in one way or another give some form of this advice, and that advice is squelch your emotions. Your emotions are getting in your way. Rely on willpower or what psychologists call executive function, and what executive function is, it’s kind of that part of the mind that we can order around to control other aspects. When you use willpower, basically your mind is saying, “Okay. Part of my mind is desiring something that would be fun in the moment, but I'm going to ignore that. I'm going to suppress that desire and make myself do something else.” 

If we rely on willpower or these other related cognitive tricks, that's the way to make us persevere toward the future, and I think it comes out of the logic of when the studies were done. These studies originally were done in the late 60s, early 70s, when the current metaphor of the time was the mind is a computer, and if only we didn't have these problematic things called emotions we would succeed. 

But if you think about where self-control really comes from, self-control didn't evolve so that we could save money for retirement, so that we can study for exams or complete the whole 30. The reason self-control evolved for most of our evolutionary history was to help us have good, strong relationships. For millennia, that's what mattered for success. You had to be trustworthy. You had to be honest. You had to have people want to partner with you, to work with you, and that's what led us for most of our life, most of our evolutionary history to succeed. And what are the mechanisms that make us be fair, that make us have good character? It's moral emotions. It's things like gratitude, and compassion, and pride. These are the emotions that motivate us to sacrifice our own selfish desires to help other people, and what we’re finding now on our own work is they also make us willing to sacrifice our immediate desires to help someone else who’s important to our success, and that is our own future self. 

[0:09:07.6] MB: So in essence, what you're saying is that rather than sort of being a roadblock to self-control, which I think people often conceive of their emotions as being kind of a barrier, emotions could actually be the best strategy for developing self-control. 

[0:09:21.4] DD: Yeah, they in fact are, I think, and I'm sure we'll get into this, a much stronger root. Now, there are certainly emotions that make us impulsive and focused on the moment. If you're feeling a lot of lust or desire, that may make you do things in the moment that aren’t good for you in the long term. If you're feeling anger, it might make you lash out in the moment. If you're feeling sad, it makes people want to do something in the moment to get a treat or award that helps them relieve that sadness. 

But there are other emotions, things that are central to kind of human social exchange, right? Things like gratitude and compassion that make us do just the opposite. So you know if I borrowed $10 from you, Matt, and I don't pay you back. Right in that moment, I’m ahead. But if I don't pay you back, you're not going to want to cooperate with me or work with me anymore in the future. So what I lose are all those long term gains and the aggregate that I'd get from interacting with you. 

So when I feel gratitude, it makes me pay you back, even though in the moment that's costly to me. Maybe you help me move, and this Sunday I really don't want to move your couch, but I feel really grateful for the help you’ve give me in the past and so I agreed to do it. Those sacrifices we make ensure that over the long term we’re going to have strong relationships, which allow us to have much greater gains over time. 

[0:10:36.2] MB: So I want to dig in a little bit on kind of the failures of some of these cognitive strategies for self-control. Why do they often kind of backfire or why are they not as effective as emotional strategies?

[0:10:47.3] DD: Sure. So one thing we know about willpower is it tends to be pretty fragile. The longer you try to rely on it and try to use it in repeated succession the more likely it is to fail. So, I mean, think about this, 8% of New Year's resolutions are kept to till the years end. 25% are gone in the first week or first two weeks and most people are trying to rely on willpower to keep them. Why are we so bad? 

So psychologists have sent people out into their normal lives following them with smartphones and beeping them at random times a day to see what temptations they're facing and what they do, and what we find is that one out about every five times people try to resist a temptation to do something that distracts them or takes them away from their long-term goals they fail, and if they're tired, or stressed, or distracted, their statistics get even worse. 

I think one reason why it's problematic is we’re constantly in a state of stress. If you're having one impulse and you're always trying to shut that impulse down and overrule it be a willpower to make yourself do something else, your body is in a constant state of conflict and stress and over time it's going to cause not only your mind to give in, but it actually takes a toll on your health. 

So there is a famous study done a couple of years ago by a psychologists named Greg Miller at Northwestern and he looked at kids from disadvantaged backgrounds who were trying the kind of use willpower and self-control in the normal way to succeed, and what he found his they were successful. They resisted the temptations they were confronted with, but at a cost. The constant stress they were under resulted in premature aging of their immune system responses, which if you extrapolate out means, yeah, you're kind of going to be successful, but you're not going to be around as long to enjoy it, which is not a good thing. 

The third problem with kind of relying on willpower and reasoning to have us reach our goals is sometimes we can engage in a bit of rationalization. So let me give you an example. One thing in my lab we study is cheating, and we have this task where people come in and we give them a virtual coin to flip. The reason it's virtual is so we can control what it comes up as. They're told, “There're two tasks that need to be done, a short and fun one, or a really long and onerous one. Flip this coin, if you get heads, you can do the short and fun one. If you get tails, you have to do the long and onerous one,” and we then leave them, and they think there alone, but of course we’re watching on hidden video and we know what they're doing. 

In that task, fully 90% of people – We’ve done this a few times. 90% of people cheat, right? They either don't flip the coin, or they flip the coin that comes up with the answer they don't like and they ignore it and they just report that they got heads, and they go on and do the task. If ask them later, “How fairly did you act?” They say, “Yeah, I did okay. I was kind of fair.” But if you have them watch somebody else cheat in exactly the same way, they'll say it's unfair and immoral and they’ll condemn them for it. 

So what you're seeing here is hypocrisy, and that people, what they're doing is they're creating a rationalization. They'll say, “Well, normally I wouldn't cheat, but I just had a medical appointment today later in that day and I just wanted to be sure I wouldn't be late,” or they'll create other stories like that. Most people would say, “Well, what's going on there is just that their willpower wasn't strong enough. Their motions for desires to get done got in the way.” 

But if we do the experiment again, and this time we prevent them from engaging in rationalization, and the way we do that is we give them something psychologists call a cognitive load, which basically means you have to remember a random string of digits while you're making the decision of whether what you did when you cheated was fair or unfair. Well, you find this hypocrisy goes away. People who are prevented from engaging in rationalization say what they did was wrong and is wrong as when anybody else cheated. 

So what this tells us is if we give you time to rationalize, you will and you create a story. Why giving in? Why not having the self-control to do the right thing was okay? What that means in real life is we create rationalizations for why it's okay for us to not study when we should be studying, or why it's okay for us to spend the money on the new smartphone instead of putting it in retirement or why we deserve the Ben & Jerry's at 2 AM tonight instead of not having it? The upshot of that is if you can rationalize yourself out of thinking why you should persevere toward your long-term goal, then you're never going to bother invoking willpower in the first place. 

For these reasons, kind of cultivating these emotional responses to increase self-control is better because they don't rely on rationalization. They don't need effort. They don't weaken over time. They just constantly push you toward valuing the future over the present. 

[0:15:33.4] MB: So I think we've talked about why and kind of how self-control is so highly correlated with pretty much every positive life outcome. Let's dig a little bit now into some of these strategies. How do we develop more self-control and what are these kind of emotions that we can cultivate to have more self-control?

[0:15:54.2] DD: Sure. So the three that I focus on our gratitude, compassion, and pride, but let me give you just a sense of how this works. So, if what I'm saying is right, then when you're feeling, let's say, grateful, you should do better at the marshmallow test, right? You should show more self-control. So we wanted to actually put this idea to the test, but we wanted to do it with adults, not kids and most adults don't like marshmallows, but they do like cash. So we constructed an adult version of the marshmallow test, and the way this works is people come to the lab and we have them reflect on a time they felt grateful, reflect on a time they felt happy, or just tell us the events of their normal day, which is kind of a neutral control. Then we had them answer a series of 27 questions of the form. Would you rather have X-dollars now or Y-dollars in Z-days? Where Y was always bigger than X, and Z varied over weeks to months. So a typical question might be, “Would you rather have $35 now or $70 and in three weeks?” So basically, would you rather have one marshmallow now or two marshmallows later?

We told him to make it real. We're going to honor one of their questions. So if we pick that question, you said you wanted $35 now. We’d hand you $35. If you wanted $75 in three weeks, we’d mail you the check for $75 in three weeks. What we found is most people were pretty impatient. So we can kind of calculate how impatient they weren't. So an example is people who were feeling neutrally saw $100 in a year is worth $17 today, or another way of saying that is if I gave them $17 right now, they’d forgo getting $100 in a year. I don't know about you, but if you don't need those $17 to survive today, passing up an opportunity to quintuple your money in a year is a pretty dumb idea given what the banks are paying. But if we made people feel grateful, they wouldn't take that, right? They became much more patient. 

For them, it took them over $30 before they were willing to forgo the hundred dollars, and what that translates to in marshmallows is they were much more willing to wait. They valued the future reward more than the present, or they at least discounted the value of the future reward less than most people would. If you value a future goal more than you normally would have, you're not in a state of conflict trying to make yourself aimed toward it. If you value it more, it just becomes easier to pursue it. 

So we found that over time, we measure people's daily levels of gratitude. People who experience more gratitude generally in their life are more future-oriented. They have more self-control. We give them these financial tasks. They want to wait for the larger reward, and other people have done the same thing with pride and compassion. 

So what this means is if you begin to cultivate these emotions regularly in your life, they’re kind of like a booster shop for self-control. So we've seen compassion is tied to less procrastination, more perseverance toward your goal, whether we’re talking about academics or athletics. We found that pride actually makes people persevere toward their goals. They’ll spend 40% more time working to hone skills that they believe are important, and it's a way of just changing what the mind values, making it value the future, which just makes it easier to persevere toward those long-term goals. 

[0:19:05.0] MB: So how do you measure kind of the longer term impacts of these pro-social emotions outside of sort of an isolated lab experiment? Let's say the impact of gratitude 3, 6, 9 months down the road. 

[0:19:18.4] DD: Yeah. So what we said is we would follow people in their daily lives and then give them these financial tests, but there's lots of people who actually study this in organizations. So, for example, there is great work out there by Adam Grant and Francesca Gino, which shows that – Talk about an environment where you need some level of grit. They looked at people working in call centers, basically calling people all the time were hanging up on you and your job is to persevere through this. 

What they found is that if the manager of a group expresses gratitude for people's efforts or expresses – They anticipate that they'll feel proud of their efforts because the manager will appreciate them, gratitude and pride, actually significantly predict people's efforts. They’re work longer and they're more successful and they’re less stressed and they're happier at pursuing whatever their job task is. We see the same thing at Google, right? The teams that are actually the most successful, the biggest predictor isn't the technical prowess of the team. The biggest predictor of a team's success at Google is that team does the manager instill a culture of empathy and compassion among the people there where the individuals who they feel that other people to team care about them, trust them, are interested in them as people, they’re willing to work harder and they're happier and less stressed at doing it. So what we do in the lab, we have tight control over these things to manipulate and see what they do, but the evidence from the real world showing that it increases self-control is pretty prevalent. 

[0:20:54.5] MB: So in essence, this kind of emotional strategy is much more sustainable and powerful way of cultivating self-control. It's almost like the kind of idea of pushing versus pulling. You're not constantly struggling to maintain it. It's sort of a foundation or a font within you that's kind of welling up. 

[0:21:12.2] DD: That's exactly right. We talk about these emotions as kind of fonts of virtue. That is, if you cultivate these, they’re like parent virtues. They increase lots of other things that people admire, and you're not constantly having to remind yourself from the top down, “Oh, okay! I know I don't want to work, but I've got a work, or I know I don't want to practice, or I know I don't want to not eat the Ben & Jerry's. 

If you just feel these emotions, you don't have to remind yourself to do the right thing. They simply make you value those future goals more and then it’s just easier to persevere toward them no matter what they might be. But they also solve another problem that we’re facing these days. So people talk about kind of an epidemic of feeling isolated, or loneliness, or lonely. There's a recent statistic that shows 53% of people report feeling lonely in their public lives and at work. 

We know that loneliness is about as bad for your health as is smoking in terms of what it does to human’s longevity because of the constant stress people are under when they feel isolated. When you cultivate these emotions as part of your daily life, I like to say they not only give you grit, they give you grace. That is, they alter your behavior in such a way that makes you not only willing to work harder to achieve your own goals but to invest in others and help them, and what that does is it reinforces that social side, that social network that is so important for our well-being.

David Brooks likes to talk about a distinction between what he calls resume virtues. Those are the virtues that we need to get ahead at work in our careers, like being nose to the grind stone, assertive, hard-charging, and eulogy virtues, those things that we want to be remembered for, things like being generous, being kind, being fair. He laments that these are different aspects of life and how do we balance them. 

My argument is they’re only different aspects of life and seems separate because the way we live our lives now. For most of human history, there wasn't a difference. The way that you succeeded was having good character, was being generous, was being trustworthy, was being kind, because that's how you formed relationships that allowed you to cooperate with others, whether it was in hunting, in agriculture and whatever it might be. It's only now, because of the way we live our lives, you can kind of succeed as an individual and get enough money to pay for your other needs. 

So if we cultivate these emotions, they build both of those virtues simultaneously. They build our self-control, but they build our social networks and our social support. There's lots of evidence showing that people who express gratitude, who express compassion, who express appropriately calibrated pride, and by that I mean pride in skills that they actually haven’t developed, not kind of egoistic, hubristic pride. We find that attractive. We want to be with those people. We want to work with those people. So I think that's why this is a much more resilient route to kind of building success and building perseverance than the kind of nose to the grind stone willpower way. 

[0:24:11.5] MB: So tell me a little bit more about the evolutionary basis of these pro-social emotions. 

[0:24:17.7] DD: Sure. People always ask me, “Dave, I want to be successful. So should I be a jerk or should I be a nice guy?” I say, “Well, what's your time frame?” Because if you are a jerk in the short term, you will rise to the top. So there are these wonderful evolutionary models out there. Some of the best done by a guy named Martin Nowak who’s a professor at Harvard, and what he finds is that over the short-term, if you're kind of selfish and you don't cooperate with others and you don't pay back your debts and you don't help people, you will accrue a lot of resources because you’re exploiting other individuals. 

But over time, people will recognize that you’re kind of like this and no one will want to cooperate with you. So you’ll lose all the gains that we normally get from working with others. So over time, as individuals who are cooperative, who show empathy, who to help others, who are fair, that gain the most resources. 

What we know is that it's emotions like gratitude and compassion that push us to do these things. So, for example, another study in my lab we do is we bring people into the lab and we make them feel grateful or we make them kind of not feel anything in particular, and we give them financial tasks where they can cheat others and make more money for themselves, or they can split profits equally. What we find is when people are feeling grateful they are much more likely to choose a decision where they're going to split money equally with someone else rather than take more for themselves with the other person's expense, even though the other person won’t have any chance to kind of seek vengeance on them for so doing. 

So what these emotions are doing is they’re making us behave fairly and, in essence, that's an issue of self-control. For me to behave fairly, I have to be willing to devote some resources to you in the moment and not hung them all off myself for future payoff. So these emotions do the same thing. Same thing with compassion, I feel compassion for someone. I’m willing to give them time, money, shoulder to cry on, things that all might not be the most fun for me to do in the moment, but I do that because in the future I know I'm going to reap those rewards back when I'm in that position. 

For millennia and even today, it's these emotions that underlie those behaviors, and what we’re finding is, as I said, they not only make us willing to sacrifice to help other people, but also our own future selves. And that's the best way to ensure that we’re going to be successful down the line. 

[0:26:43.5] MB: Another study that you've talked about that I’d love to dig into that kind of underscores the importance of these emotions is the hot sauce study. Would you share that? 

[0:26:51.1] DD: Sure, the hot sauce study on compassion an anger. Is that the one you’re thinking of? 

[0:26:54.4] MB: Yes, exactly. Yeah. 

[0:26:55.3] DD: Yeah, right. So when we began studying self-control, we thought, “Well, who better to talk to than people who are kind of has spent thousands of years thinking about how to resist temptation?” So we started talking to Buddhist monks, and what they told us is when monks first take vows to not drink and to not cheat and to be celibate, they failed a lot just like the rest of us, because they relying on willpower. 

But over time, what meditation does and practicing mindfulness does is it begins to unleash the sense of compassion, and we have some few other studies I can talk about later if you like where we show that as little as three weeks of practicing meditation makes people more compassion in their daily lives. But the study you’re talking about is how does it engage our self-control in how we treat other people, because part of self-control isn’t just about saving money or studying. Part of it is about controlling your impulses. 

So the way the study is designed is to look at thus feeling compassion based on meditation lead people to actually be able to control their impulses to kind of strike out at others? So we brought people into the lab and we trained them for three weeks. We trained them how to use a smartphone mobile-based meditation program, or one where they would just get logic problems. We told them, “This is cognitive training,” and half of them got meditation training. Half of them got just experience doing logic problems. 

After three weeks we brought them back to the lab, what they thought was going to be just a memory test and a writing test. We said, “Okay. We want you to write a speech about your long-term goals. Write a three minute speech about this,” and this is a paradigm that was developed by a guy named Tom Denson who studies aggression. So they would dutifully write out their speech, and then they had to present their speech to someone else, in this someone else was a person who was an actor who works for us who they belief was just another student who was also writing a speech. So they would give their three-minute speech on their life goals and this other person would say to them, “Really? That’s it? I can't believe those are your goals? That doesn't make any sense. How are you going to achieve any of these?” Basically kind of insult them rather harshly, which has been shown repeatedly to make people angry and not only self-report anger but show physiological and the seeds of anger as well, and of course our subjects were kind of angry at this. 

Then we moved them into a next study where they had a prepared taste samples for each other. So imagine this, we’re giving you one of those little kind of condiment cups you get where you might put ketchup or mustard in at a salad bar. We’d say, “Okay. You need to prepare a sample for the other guy who you were just talking to. Whatever you put in this cup will be placed in his mouth in its entirety as a taste sample, and you’ve been randomly assigned to prepare the spicy category.” So we give them a bottle of this hot sauce, and the hot sauce is like labeled, “Beware. Very hot. Exceedingly painful.” We simply measure how much hot sauce they put. This is a commonly used measure of aggression, because the more hot sauce you put in, the more pain intentionally you are desiring to cause someone else. Simply measure how much they put in. 

What you find is the people who weren't meditating put in on average about 7 grams a hot sauce. Now, I don't know if your audience can visualize that, but 7 grams a hot sauce is a hell of a lot a hot sauce. In most conditions, people put in about a gram when they're not angry at someone, because they know they have to make a sample. Of course, we never make the guy drink it, but they think he is. Now, the people who engaged in meditation and who have the compassion, daily compassion based on experiencing that, they didn't do that, right? They poured about 2 grams on average, and they said, “Yeah, I'm angry at this person.” They would report being angry at them, but they said, “I just don't feel a need to act on that impulse.” 

So, again, what we’re seeing here is just simple daily practices that increase compassion in your life, make people much more willing to engage in self-control, because, yeah, it might feel really good in that moment to make that guy feel pain, but we know one of the biggest threats of violence in the world is escalation, and what it does is if he engages in tit-for-tat escalation, things get rapidly out of control. So self-control here is also important to not engage in a situation that might escalate. Again, it's not just self-control and saving money. It’s self-control and controlling your impulses that might be problematic. 

[0:31:19.0] MB: It’s such a hilarious study. I mean, even the methodology alone I find really fascinating. But I think kind of at the beginning of that, you made a really important point that we haven't touched on net, which is this idea that self-control is kind of double-sided. It's not only about kind of saving for retirement and eating healthy and making these really positive long-term choices, which is highly correlated with ultimate success in life, but it's also about kind of impulse control and not getting angry or losing your cool in a given moment. 

[0:31:48.0] DD: Exactly. Exactly. The interesting thing in that study, which I forgot to mention, is we actually measured people’s executive control. That is their ability to kind of engage in impulse control using a few other cognitive tests, and what we’ve found is those three weeks of meditation didn't increase their ability, their executive control, their ability to tap down problematic responses. What it really did was basically short-circuit those responses from coming up in the first place. As you can imagine, that's a much more robust way of dealing with problems. Instead of trying to correct them, prevent them from happening in the first place and that's exactly the argument we’re making. When you cultivate these emotions, they make you value the long-term and behave in ways that lead to your success, whether talking about social success, or career success, or financial success, by preventing the problematic impulses from happening in the first place, and that's just a more robust way of getting there. 

[0:32:43.2] MB: I think that underscores kind of one of the fundamental things we've been talking about, which is that this idea that it's really hard to exercise willpower and these sort of pro-social emotions help us prevent that need to exercise it from ever arising. One of the other things I know you've talked about, and I'd love to hear a little bit about, is how the environment itself and kind of you can shape your environment to essentially do the same thing to kind of prevent these temptations from arising in the first place. 

[0:33:08.5] DD: Yeah. There's a lot of work these days, a lot of people talk about developing habits. Charles Duhigg had a great book called The Power of Habit or something like that and how that can lead to people’s success, and that's true. You construct your environment so that a certain time I'm going to come home and study this way or do that, but the problem with habits is if I develop a habit to study, it's not going to help me save money. If I develop a habit to save money, it's not going to help me go to the gym. But if you develop a habit to cultivate these emotions regularly, they influence every decision that self-control happens and they make us value long-term goals in every domain in which we face them. So they kind of are much more a pervasive influence on our lives. 

So what we recommend to people is develop habits of these emotions. Regularly, once every day or two, stop and reflect on things that you're grateful for. Now, the trick here is we all have the three or four things in our life that we’re incredibly grateful for, but if you always focus on those three or four things, they’re going to lose their power because we’re going to habituate to them. We find the same results of people reflect on just simple things, like, today when I was lost, someone stopped to give me directions, or someone let me in on the freeway when I was stuck and was waiting there forever. Just small daily things that you can focus on for gratitude are useful. Also, make it a case once a day to kind of reach out and do something to help someone else, because what they're going to do is they’re not only going to express gratitude to you, but they’re clearly in the future when you need it going to help you back, which is kind of placing a marker down for a future booster shot of gratitude to yourself. 

For compassion, there are a couple of ways. Practicing meditation even as little as 10 minutes a day and mindfulness increases peoples compassion, so does engaging in perspective taking a few times a week. So what that means is make it a habit every couple of days to stop and try to envision the world through somebody else's eyes. That simple engagement and that practice builds a sense of empathy and build a sense of compassion and makes that a habit. 

Pride, it's important to celebrate your successes. That is, don't only let yourself feel proud when you reach the ultimate goal. Make yourself , allow yourself to feel proud of steps along the way because that's what’s going to keep you going, celebrate those little steps. Also have self-compassion for yourself. Don't engage in self-flagellation when you fail. As long as you gave it a good try, have compassion for yourself, which will increase the odds that you're going to give it a good try again the next day rather than just kind of get caught in this kind of guilty shame, feeling of shame. 

[0:35:52.0] MB: So let's dig – I want to talk about pride, but before we do, I want to kind of drill down a little bit on this gratitude strategy exercise, because I think you made another really good point. It’s easy to – When you think about pursuing kind of a strategy or a gratitude exercise as gratitude practices you get kind of hung up on the same four or five key things over and over again. 

Tell me a little bit more about how we can develop a gratitude practice that really effectively builds gratitude. 

[0:36:18.8] DD: Yeah. So the easiest way, the way to start to make yourself begin to do this regularly, is every day or two at either in the morning or at the end of your day, sit back and think about what happened that day that should did or should evoke a feeling of gratefulness in you. Lots of times people will tell me, “I don’t have anything to feel grateful for,” but I have them think about their day and, “Well, yeah. My employee or my child or somebody, one of my friends, actually did something for me today, and I actually didn't stop to think about that,” and how that was a cost on their part to do it 

So if you daily reflect on these things, they will every day invoke some sense of gratitude in you and to the extent that you make that a habit after you do it intentionally for a few weeks at a time. It changes the way you view the world. It makes you more likely to actually look for, see and appreciate the favors and the help that other people give you that you might just test, buy or not think about your daily life. 

Again, to the extent that you can do that, you’ll have more self-control, that we followed people for three weeks. In that study, we didn't make some do this. We just followed what people normally do, and those who had habits where they experienced gratitude more regularly through those three weeks also showed more self-control and more value for the future. So that's an important way of doing it. 

[0:37:47.0] MB: Another strategy that I found that's really effective for cultivating gratitude, and I'm curious what your thoughts are on this, is to – And then I think meditation sort of underpins us to some degree because it gives you the presence of mind to be able to do this, but is to notice the little moments in your life when you kind of naturally feel happiness or gratitude. Even, as you said, kind of a small example of somebody doing you a small favor or something like that and notice those little moments and just spend kind of a moment while that happens, or right after that happens, and just nurture and cultivate that actual feeling, because that helps cultivate kind of the felt experience of gratitude. 

[0:38:21.6] DD: That's right, and I think some of it is us being able to reflect on it, but to reflect on it, we actually have to notice it. I think your idea there of actually noticing it in the moment is even more powerful than trying to reflect and force ourselves to re-create it. Again, if you do that regularly, when you feel that you're willing to stop and to nurture that feeling and to let it become kind of bigger inside of you for the moment, that will certainly be a very effective strategy. 

[0:38:48.7] MB: And I know you kind of mentioned meditation. I mean, it's obviously one of the most recurrent themes on our podcast. There's so much science kind of validating what an effective strategy it is. What kind of meditation tactics or strategies would you typically do in the studies you were conducting or have you seen the kind of the most research validate it? 

[0:39:07.1] DD: Sure. Here is idea – I mean, the important part about what you're saying. Most of the stuff you see on meditation out there shows that, “Oh, it will lower your blood pressure. It will make you more creative. It will help your standardized test scores.” But if you think about where meditation came from and why it was created, the Buddha or other meditation teachers didn't really care about your retirement account or your blood pressure. What they cared about was developing a practice that increased ethical behavior and compassion. So meditation was really created for this social side. 

As I’ve said, we've done other studies where we have people meditate either at the foot of a Buddhist llama or actually we've done it now and using smartphone tech, because not everybody has the time or access or even money to go sit at the feet of a Buddhist llama and train. We found similar results. The trick is to actually use one of the apps that's designed by someone who has monastic training. The one we used was Headspace, because Andy Puddicombe, the guy who designed it actually had many years of monastic training, so he knows what he's doing. 

In terms of what type of meditation, there're many types out there. We've looked at both loving-kindness meditation and straight up mindfulness meditation, which involves body scanning and noticing the breath and paying attention to feelings, etc., and we found no differences. When we first started doing this work I thought, “Well, maybe we'll find that only with loving-kindness meditation, which focuses on meditations about wanting to care about other people, and that worried me because I worried that if we only found with loving-kindness meditation, how did we actually know it was a practice of meditation itself that was producing these changes rather than hearing someone always say, “It's important to care about other people.” So when we found it for mindfulness as well, it made me truly believe in it because there was no talk in that training of how this should affect your interactions with others. 

So my advice to your listeners is whatever type of meditation appears to work for you, it will probably work. I would endorse mindfulness practice or loving-kindness practice and doing it at home with a really good smartphone app or mobile tech is almost as good as going into a center where your training with a person. The upshot of that is it's open to a lot more people if you can do it at a time and place of your own choosing. 

So, yes, it's going to lower your blood pressure. Yes, it's going to help you feel more relaxed and all these things, but what it’s really going to also do is just increase your perseverance and your career and your social success simultaneously. 

[0:41:40.8] MB: Coming back to pride, when people hear pride, I feel like there can often be kind of a connotation or an idea of arrogance or something like that. How do you distinguish that or how do you think about that?

[0:41:51.8] DD: Yeah. I know that's right. In fact, pride always seems like the odd one out of the three. I think we realize that where we think about it that way because we kind of have a name for this bad type of pride. It’s called arrogance or hubris. But if you think about it, any emotion that’s experienced in the wrong intensity or the wrong context is a problem, or even happiness. Happiness experienced to too great a degree and when you shouldn't feel it is called mania. It's a disorder. 

So with pride, the trick is like any other emotion, it has to be calibrated correctly. So if you have pride for inability that you have or that you’re cultivating and you show that, people actually admire that. So to give you an example, in our studies we bring people in and we have them work on some spatial tasks that they don't really care about, anything about like mental rotation and stuff, and some we give feedback to that induces pride. Basically, the experimenter will say, “Oh! You're doing really well at this. This is a really important skill. That's impressive,” and people report feeling proud of this, even though they didn't care about it before, but that's a clue to how pride works, right? The reason we’re proud of things initially is because others around them admire us for it. You’re looking at kids. Kids will do something and they’ll look up at mom and dad and see if they get praise for it. If they do, that's marked as hey, “This is important to those people around you. If you're good at this skill, will want to interact with you, will value you.” Again, throughout evolutionary history, that's what made you a success. 

We’ve found that when we make people feel proud of an ability and then we then give them the opportunity to spend time developing this ability on pretty difficult tasks, they'll work 40% longer if they’re feeling proud than if they're not on these tasks, because they believe there's some upshot to developing the skill. 

But interestingly, if we then put people in a group. So imagine this, we have a group of three people. One of them enters the group feeling proud about, an ability that's relevant to the group task, the other two don't and we just watch what happens. The person who is feeling proud suddenly starts to become more dominant in the group, starts to work harder and to direct the other people. But the interesting thing about it is these other people, they don't view him or her as kind of a jerk or being overly aggressive. They actually admire this person and they’ll report liking this person more and they’ll report admiring him or her more and wanting to work with him or her more, because those signals of pride are very attractive to us. 

Now, if they’re single, then it actually comes to path that we see that the person doesn't have this ability or is expressing pride when he or she shouldn't. Then the whole thing flips and then it's viewed as arrogance and is almost as like, “You’re trying to deceive me or you're claiming something you don't have.” 

But pride in and of itself is a very powerful emotion. We feel it because it motivates us to develop a skill that makes us valuable to those around us, and if we’re proud of ourselves, that pushes us to develop a skill that we ourselves value for our own long-term goals. 

[0:44:54.7] MB: So to sum this up and kind of make sure that I understand the core thesis of what we’ve been talking about, the fundamental idea here is that self-control is one of the most highly correlated traits with long-term success in the research, but the way we often think about kind of cultivating grit and self-control is fundamentally wrong. 

[0:45:14.4] DD: I don't want to say those strategies don't work. Sure, willpower can work, and I'm not saying please don't ever use willpower. In the battle to achieve our goals and to not be shortsighted, we need every weapon in their arsenal. But what I am saying, and I think this is where you're going with it, is the those willpower-based cognitive tools are not only weak, but they’re potentially harmful to us socially and harmful to our health. So this emotional route provides a much more robust and resilient way to get there. 

[0:45:44.4] MB: So what would be kind of one piece of homework or sort of an action item that you would give to the listeners to concretely start kind of implementing the strategies we’ve talked about today?

[0:45:55.5] DD: Sure. Two things; choose your emotion, and then over the next few weeks, develop a habit to do it. If you want to do and try gratitude, the next two weeks engage in daily or every other day kind of gratitude journaling, or as Matt said, when you feel an instant of gratitude, try and stop yourself – not from feeling it - stop yourself from being distracted and focus on that feeling, and do that for two weeks and see if you're experiencing a change. 

Another way to do it is when you, in the moment, when you’re next healing the temptation that's going to distract you from some long-term goal that you value, stop. Don't try and use willpower Stop. Go and count your blessings on something. Take 10 seconds. Reflect on something for which you’re grateful and I bet you in that moment, 10 seconds later it's going to feel a lot easier to resist that temptation, or download a meditation smartphone app on your phone and start practicing for two or three weeks and see if things don't become a bit easier to focus on what you value in the long term. 

[0:46:54.2] MB: And for listeners who want to learn more, where can people find you, your work, your writing, etc., online?

[0:47:01.0] DD: Yeah. The easiest place is my website, which is www.davedesteno, D-A-V-E-D-E-S-T-E-N-O.com, you will find my Twitter link there as well for those of you who would like to follow on Twitter. 

[0:47:13.8] MB: Well, David, thank you so much for coming on the show and sharing all these wisdom. Some great examples from the research, and I think your work is really, really fascinating. So thank you so much for sharing all these knowledge with our listeners. 

[0:47:26.1] DD: Thank you for having me on. I really enjoyed our conversation. 

[0:47:28.7] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you, our listeners, master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story or just say hi, shoot me an email. My email is matt@successpodcast.com. That's M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I'd love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener email. 

I'm going to give you three reasons why you should sign up for our email list today by going to successpodcast.com signing up right on the homepage. There's some incredible stuff that only available to those on the email list, so be sure to sign up, including an exclusive curated weekly email from us called Mindset Monday, which is short, simple, filled with articles, stories, things that we found interesting and fascinating in the world of evidence-based growth in the last week. 

Next, you're going to get an exclusive chance to shape the show, including voting on guests, submitting your own personal questions that we’ll ask guests on air and much more. Lastly, you’re going to get a free guide we created based on listener demand, our most popular guide, which is called How to Organize and Remember everything. You can get it completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide by signing up and joining the email us today. Again, you can do that at successpodcast.com, sign up right at the homepage, or if you're on the go, just text the word “smarter”, S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44222. 

Remember, the greatest compliment you can give us as a referral to a friend either live or online. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us an awesome review and subscribe on iTunes because that helps boost the algorithm, that helps us move up the iTunes rankings and helps more people discover the Science of Success. 

Don't forget, if you want to get all the incredible information we talk about in the show, links, transcripts, everything we discussed and much more, be sure to check out our show notes. You can get those at successpodcast.com, just hit the show notes button right at the top. 

Thanks again and we'll see you on the next episode of the Science of Success.


June 14, 2018 /Lace Gilger
Emotional Intelligence, Focus & Productivity
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This Is How You Create Life Changing Moments Starting Right Now with Dan Heath

June 07, 2018 by Lace Gilger in Mind Expansion

In this episode we explore the power of moments in our lives. Moments are the way we remember our lives, they define us, and yet we don’t have a coherent way of thinking about and understanding them. Can you engineer the defining moments of your life? Can you create more moments that are powerful and impactful? We discuss that and much more with our guest Dan Heath. 

Dan Heath is a Senior Fellow at Duke University’s CASE Center where he founded the Change Academy. He received his MBA from Harvard Business School and is the co-author of several New York Times best sellers. Their book Switch was named one of the best nonfiction books of the year and spent almost an entire year on the bestseller list.

  • The power of moments - why did Chip and Dan decide to study the defining moments in our lives?

  • Digging into the academic research of what makes moments special

  • Why do certain moments in our life have such disproportionate impact and meaning?

  • How do we become more in control of them and intentional about creating them?

  • Are there patterns that link the defining moments of our lives?

  • The four elements of defining moments?

  • Elevation - the high points

    1. Insight - in an instant your view of the world shifts

    2. Pride - times when are at our best, when we’re recognized for what we’re capable of

    3. Connection - when we deepen our ties to other people - either individual or groups

  • Struggle, especially with a group, can create deep connections

  • If you look at powerful moments, they tend to be composed of these four elements

  • You can flip that around and make it practical - if you want to create better experiences in your own life - these are the ingredients of HOW to do that

  • We don’t remember our own experiences 

  • What’s so special about the The Magic Castle Hotel in LA?

  • What’s the secret behind the second highest rated hotel in Los Angeles?

  • Ahead of the Ritz Carlton

    1. Ahead of the Four Seasons

  • Moments have power. Great experiences hinge on peak moments 

  • The academic research on memory and how that shapes the power of moments

  • “Duration neglect” 

  • There are two kinds of moments that we disproportionately recall - the Peak and the End

  • We are in the business of creating great experiences for people. If you get the Peaks right - you can create a great experience.

  • The power of things that are obvious in retrospect

  • “Moments are the medium of memories” - and yet we don’t live in a way that’s intentional around creating more moments

  • Inconveniencing yourself to create a powerful moment is worth it - you will remember the powerful moment but not the inconvenience 

  • “We feel most comfortable when things are certain, but we feel most alive when they’re not"

  • “The reminiscence bump” phenomenon in psychology

  • Novelty is what we remember, period. 

  • What can we do to create more dramatic and memorable moments in our life?

  • We can get alot of bang for our buck with moments. We have to learn to break the script more often and disrupt our routines more often. 

  • “The Saturday surprise” - how you can break your script and create novelty in your life. 

  • Sometimes you need to resist your routines

  • When you start thinking in moments you start spotting all kinds of strange phenomenon in your life

  • Fixing problems doesn’t make people happy

  • How do set about creating peak moments for ourselves (and others)?

  • Peaks, ends, and transition points are disproportionately memorable for people

  • We can be the authors of amazing moments in our lives

  • Powerful insights come with speed and force - in the flash of moment

  • What does it mean to “trip over the truth?"

  • Reconstruct the insight that you’ve had - and allow someone else to discover it themselves. Let the epiphany happen in their brains. How can you engineering someone else discovering the truth that you’ve already discovered?

  • How change happens:

  • People see something

    1. That makes them feel something

    2. That makes them CHANGE sometime

  • How can creating new rituals help us manufacture transition points in our lives that become powerful moments?

  • “The Fresh Start Effect”

  • The power of forgiving yourself for falling short and cleaning the ledger, starting fresh. 

  • Homework - stretch goal - the “week of memories” exercise

  • Homework - create a moment of elevation tonight - break the script in some way. 

  • Homework - find someone at work or in your personal life and give them some recognition, say thank you to them, tell them why its so important and meaningful and give them a little bit of praise - face to face. 

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Please SUBSCRIBE and LEAVE US A REVIEW on iTunes! (Click here for instructions on how to do that).

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This weeks episode is brought to you by our partners at Skillshare!

For a limited time, Skillshare is offering our listeners TWO MONTHS OF UNLIMITED CLASSES for only $0.99! That's UNLIMITED classes for two months for only $0.99. Go to www.skillshare.com/success to redeem this incredible offer NOW!

Skillshare is an online learning platform with over 20,000 classes in design, business, technology, and more. Whether you’re trying to deepen your professional skill-set, start a side hustle, or just explore something new, Skillshare will keep you learning and thriving.


Again, Skillshare is offering our listeners the incredible deal of two whole months of UNLIMITED classes for only $0.99 so get out there and start learning at www.skillshare.com/success

SHOW NOTES, LINKS, & RESEARCH

  • [Book] The Power of Moments: Why Certain Experiences Have Extraordinary Impact by Chip Heath and Dan Heath

  • [Book] Decisive: How to Make Better Choices in Life and Work by Chip Heath and Dan Heath

  • [Book] Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die by Chip Heath and Dan Heath

  • [Book] Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard by Chip Heath and Dan Heath

  • [Podcast Ep] Choiceology: How Tomorrow Feels Today

  • [Article] John Kotter's 8­-Step Change Model

  • [Article] The Fresh Start Effect: Temporal Landmarks Motivate Aspirational Behavior by Hengchen Dai, Katherine L. Milkman, and Jason Riis

  • [Website] Heath Brothers - Resource Directory

Episode Transcript


[00:00:19.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success. Introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:11.8] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success; the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the internet with more than two million downloads, listeners in over a hundred countries and part of the self-help for smart people podcast network.

In this episode, we explore the power of moments in our lives. Moments are the way that we remember our lives. They define us, and yet, we don’t have a coherent way of thinking about and understanding them. Can you engineer the defining moments of your life? Can you create more moments that are powerful and impactful? We discussed this and much more with our guest, Dan Heath.

I'm going to give you three reasons why you should join our e-mail list today, by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the home page there's some amazing stuff that's only available to our e-mail subscribers, so be sure to sign up and join the e-mail list today.

First, you're going to get an awesome free guide that we created based on listener demand. This is our most popular guide and it's called how to organize and remember everything, which you can get completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide. You got to sign up to find out by joining the e-mail list today. Next, you're going to get a curated weekly e-mail from us every week called Mindset Monday. Our listeners have been absolutely loving this e-mail. It's short, it's simple, it's filled with articles, videos, stories, things we found interesting or fascinating in the last week.

Lastly, you're going to get exclusive content and a chance to shape the show. You can help us vote on guests, you can help us change our intro music and much more, you can even submit your own questions to upcoming guests, you also have access to exclusive giveaways that only people who are on the e-mail list get access to and much, much more. Be sure to sign up and join the e-mail list. There's some incredible stuff, but only subscribers who are on the e-mail list are getting access to this awesome information.

In our previous episode, we looked at the gap that exists between learning and doing. Why it is that so many smart ambitious people invest hours in their growth and development, but fail to see breakaway external results for the time that they've invested? If you sometimes feel overwhelmed by all the things you know you could, or should be doing to level up your life or career, then our previous episode will blow your mind.

We explore what science is telling us about the actual execution of concrete individual growth and measurable upward mobility across various dimensions of life. We share the most effective tactic for moving yourself from learning to doing with our very special guest, Peter Shallard. Our interview last week is what you need to finally take action on what you've been procrastinating on.

That episode is one of the most unique and powerful episodes we've done on the Science of Success. I highly recommend checking our previous episode out, our interview with Peter Shallard. It will make a tremendous impact on you.

Now, for our conversation with Dan.

[0:03:25.4] MB: Today, we have another awesome guest on the show, Dan Heath. Dan is a senior fellow at Duke University's Case Center, where he founded the Change Academy. He received his MBA from Harvard Business School and is the co-author of several New York Times bestsellers. His recent book Switch was named one of the best non-fiction books of the year and spent almost an entire year on the bestseller list. Dan, welcome to the Science of Success.

[0:03:51.5] DH: Thanks for having me on Matt. It's a pleasure.

[0:03:53.3] MB: Well, we're really excited to have you on the show today. Your books are obviously really well-known and me and Austin are both big fans of you and your work and your brother's work.

[0:04:01.5] DH: Thank you.

[0:04:02.0] MB: To get started, I'd love to dig into your most recent book and talk about the power of moments. What led you to think about moments? Why was that the catalyst of the new thing that you wanted to dig into and study next?

[0:04:17.2] DH: Well, appropriately enough the power of moments actually emerge from a very specific moment when Chip and I were together. Chip and I live on opposite coasts. He's on the West Coast and I'm East Coast, and so we only actually see each other maybe once or twice a year. One of those is at Christmas. A couple years back, we were at our father's house in Durham, North Carolina where I also live and we had squirreled ourselves away into an office to do some work. We’re actually working on a different book, and it was a book that had just become a bit of a slog. We had put in probably six or nine months’ worth of work,

We were getting into that sunk cost stage of, we were reluctant to give it up because we put in so much work, but we weren't super jazzed about keeping going. At some point in this conversation, this phrase popped out of conversation defining moments. I think mainly as a way to procrastinate our real work, we started just riffing on defining moments and talking about defining moments and politics, like some of your older listeners will remember when George Bush Senior was running for president against Clinton, he had that moment where he professed amazement at a UPC scanner in the grocery store. That was supposed to illustrate that he was old and not a touch. That was a defining moment in politics.

You think about defining moments in sports, and as an example that beautiful medal ceremony that happens at the Olympics and just all the pageantry and the pride that goes with that. The amazing realization that there was a human being that just thought that up. I like to picture them in a conference room with a whiteboard and they're like, “What if the athletes were standing here and here and the flags go up and the anthem?” In other words, the moment was designed. We started getting into the academic research that that plays into what makes moments special.

Anyway, we riff and riff on this and it's just this uncontrollable brainstorming session and we probably filled up 10 or 12 pages in a Word document just with associations and mysteries, and we come out an hour later into the living room where everybody's gathered and we tell them, “We've got a new book idea.” There was this visible sense of relief on all their faces, because apparently, they had all despised the other topic we were working on, but hadn't had the heart to tell us.

That was the birth of this book. The gist is true to that original moment, to be honest. It's a book about why it is that certain brief moments in our lives have such disproportionate memorability and meaning, that if you think across your life there are probably 10 or 15 or 20 moments that are worth in the sense of their relative importance in your life 10 years. The question is why? What makes these moments? Can we learn to be more in control of them, to be more intentional about creating more defining moments in our life and work?

[0:07:22.3] MB: Why is that the case?

[0:07:25.3] DH: Well, there are some patterns that we found as we looked at very different kinds of moments. When I talk about moments, of course there's a strong personal element here. You think about the moments when you found your calling, or you found your partner, or even just moments that were special to you, moments with your kids around vacations. We're also talking about moments at different scales, so we're also pointing out that really for any given span of experience, whether it's a lifetime or the span of a hotel stay, or the span of a college semester, for any given span of experience there are certain moments that are disproportionately memorable and meaningful.

The question is, are there patterns that link these ideas that happen on very different scales? The answer we came up with was yes. That in fact, they share four patterns, or four elements, if you will, that they seem to be made of similar ingredients. The first of those ingredients is elevation; that these moments seem to lift us above the everyday. You think about some birthday party and there's games and decorations and cake. It's engineered to create positive emotions.

The second is insight. These are moments when in an instant, we realize something about ourselves, or our world and sometimes those insights are amazing and pleasant. You look across the dinner table and you realize the person you're dining with is going to be your spouse, your soulmate. Sometimes they can be sobering. You realize you can't take another day of this job that you're in. The point is that in an instant, your view of the world can shift.

The third of these elements is pride. What's interesting about pride is, my guess is everybody listening right now has a stash of personal mementos that you keep somewhere in your house, and maybe in a box, in the attic, or buried in the back of a drawer. It’s like if there was a museum of your life, these would be some of the exhibits; just things that you can't bear to throw away. They have special significance to you and would probably be valueless to anyone else, but to us they're priceless.

My guess is that a lot of those mementos are actually relics of moments of pride in your life, or potentially your kids’ lives, their awards, or certificates, or thank-you notes from people who are important to you, or trophies that you couldn't bear to throw away, or diplomas. Moments of pride are times when we're at our best and times when we’re recognized for what we're capable of. 

Then the final element, so we've talked about elevation, insight, pride, the final element is connection. It's so often these meaningful memorable moments are moments when we deepen our ties to other people. That could be in a personal relationship. It can sometimes be among groups too. What's interesting about groups is groups often bond together in times of struggle. What brings groups together is not just happy, happy, happy time. You think about boot camp, what creates lifelong attachments among people who've been through boot camp together is that they had to struggle.

You think about volunteering for Habitat for Humanity and spending a weekend putting up a house, like that's connection born of struggle. The point is two things. Number one, if you look at powerful moments, they tend to be composed of these four elements we talked about. The more important point is that you can flip that around and make it practical. That is to say if you want to create better experiences in your own life, or for the customers you serve, or for the patients you serve, for the students you serve, these are the ingredients, these are the colors in your palette in order to create greater experiences.

[0:11:27.4] MB: That's fascinating. I want to dig into how we can be more intentional about creating these moments. Before we get into that, I want to dig deeper into the importance of moments and why they're so critical. When we look back across our lives and the way we think about our memories and our experiences, do we weigh and treat each memory and each experience equally?

[0:11:53.3] DH: Certainly not. Yeah, and in fact, that's one of the most important realizations that came to us through this book and that we're trying to communicate to our readers. Let me back up and I'll tell a quick story and then I'll overlay the academic research on that, so we understand these peculiar properties of memory.

There's a hotel in Los Angeles called The Magic Castle Hotel. My guess is most of the people listening haven't stayed there. Just conjure up in your mind, The Magic Castle Hotel. Let me first tell you, it looks nothing like your mental image that you're conjuring up. It is an utterly ordinary looking motel, really more so than a hotel. It's actually a two-story apartment building that was built in the 50s that was later converted over to this hotel use; painted bright yellow. The rooms are totally average. I stayed there myself. It would be doing well to compete with the Holiday Inn Express. The lobby is completely underwhelming. It looks vaguely like the waiting area of a place you might get your oil changed.

The question is why am I talking about this totally normal unassuming place? The reason is because if you go to TripAdvisor right now and you search for LA hotels, the Magic Castle Hotel is rated number two in all of Los Angeles ahead of the Ritz-Carlton, ahead of the Four Seasons. How in the world could that be true? Well, what The Magic Castle has figured out is that  moments have power. One of my favorite examples is by the pool in a courtyard of this facility, there's a cherry red phone mounted on the wall. Just above the phone there's a sign that says, “Popsicle hotline.” If you pick up the phone somebody says, “Popsicle hotline will be right out.”

Within minutes, somebody comes out wearing a suit, holding a silver tray that's loaded up with grape and orange and cherry popsicles. They bring the tray over to you at poolside and they're carrying the tray wearing white gloves like an English butler. They do all of this for free. They have a snack list menu where you can order cracker jacks and sour patch kids and root beer at the front desk, all that stuff is for free just for asking. You can check out board games to play with your families, or movies to watch, they have magicians doing tricks in the lobby several times a week. They'll do your laundry if you drop it off in the morning, return it washed and folded by the end of the day.

When I describe that side of The Magic Castle, you can start to put it together how – if your family's taking a vacation in Southern California, you might actually choose the Magic Castle straight up over the Ritz-Carlton. Why? Because they're delivering a better experience. This is where the research on memory comes into play, because what we know about our memories of experiences are two things.

Number one, there's a phenomenon called duration neglect which says that we tend to forget the length of experiences. What we're left with when we remember things are certain moments, certain scenes, certain fragments. This is very easy to test for yourself. Just remember some semester in college, or a work project from a year or two ago, or the last vacation you took and you'll notice our memories aren't like videos that we can watch beginning to end. They degrade. What we're left with are a certain set of seemingly random snippets, except that of course they're not random.

In fact, psychologists have discovered that there are two kinds of moments that we disproportionately recall. We recall the peak, or the peaks of the experience, which are the most positive moments and a positive experience, and we remember the transition points, the beginnings and the endings. If you think about the Magic Castle story through this lens, what you see immediately is that the Magic Castle Hotel is really good at creating peak moments.

What's fascinating about that is it's almost they've exploited in a good way this property of memory. They know that a year down the road, you're going to forget that your room was average, you're going to forget that the amenities in the bathroom weren't fancy, you're going to forget that the lobby wasn't that cool or well-designed. What you're going to remember is there was this phone by the pool that if you picked it up, it was a popsicle hotline. That's the significance of this is that that all of us to some extent are in the business of creating experience for other people.

Again, it might be our kids, or our customers, or our patients. What we need to realize is to create a great experience for people, that doesn't mean nonstop perfection. There's a lot that's imperfect about the Magic Castle Hotel. If we get the peaks right and if we get the transitions right, we can create a great experience that doesn't bankrupt us, or doesn't mean we have to have every detail impeccable, and that's what moments can do.

[0:17:09.2] MB: That's fascinating and such a great story, especially I've looked at some of the photos of the Magic Castle and I know you have a YouTube video where you share some of those images, and it really is – it's almost shockingly unremarkable. I mean, it literally looks like a Holiday Inn or something. It's totally plain and yet, it's amazing that they're literally more highly rated than the Ritz-Carlton or Four Seasons.

[0:17:33.4] DH: Yeah. I love the fact that that number three, and the last time I checked on the list was the Four Seasons Beverly Hills. I mean, if that doesn't tell you something about the power of these ideas, the fact that that somewhere that is one-twentieth as nice and as luxurious as the Four Season Beverly Hills can actually win the competition and the customers minds, I mean, that's extraordinary.

[0:17:57.2] MB: I think it underscores this broader point that you're talking about really, really beautifully that we don't – we think in moments, and we remember our lives not as a clean narrative of this and this and this and this, but really as a series of experiences and moments that happened.

[0:18:14.9] DH: Yeah. I think that's well-said. I think the aha for Chip and me was this is one of those things that Chip and I both love things that are obvious in retrospect. Like obvious when you say them, and yet, no one is living that way. What I mean is, I think all of us, we realize when we look back on our experiences, hey we don't retain the whole thing, hey there are moments that we recall, and moments are really the medium of memories. Yet, we don't live in a way that is intentional about creating more moments. I'll give you an example of how this changed my life in a small way. You remember the solar eclipse from gosh, was it last year or the year prior?

[0:18:58.5] MB: Oh, yeah.

[0:18:58.9] DH: I live in North Carolina and we were not in the – what do they call it? The path of totality. We were not in the path, but we were close. I had to drive from Durham where I live to Asheville. My wife and I were talking about this and it meant we would have to take a day off at work and we'd have to deal with childcare.

It was like a three and a half hour drive each way. We knew, there were going to be a ton of other crazies on the road too, so it may be a five-hour drive by the time you add in the traffic. Anyway, we were weighing this in a cost and benefits way. The evidence was pretty conclusive that we should have just stayed at home and watched this on YouTube, right? I mean, there's just so much inconvenience and nuisance tied up with this. When you start thinking about this through the lens of moments, what you realize is two years from now we're not going to remember that it took an hour to line up childcare, we're not going to remember there was a nuisance to be stuck in traffic, or that we had to take a day off of work.

What we're going to remember is being there at this very special time. We did it. You know what? It was exactly as we expected it to be. Most of that day was a nuisance. We listen to some good music and good podcasts on the road, but nobody wants to spend five or six hours that day on the road, no matter how good the podcast is. When we got there, would you believe it was so overcast, we couldn't even see the eclipse. Of course, what we did see was that in a matter of seconds, the world goes completely dark. The insects start to chirp, because they think it's nighttime, and then a minute or two later when the sun starts to dawn again, the birds start chirping like it's the beginning of the morning, and it was extraordinary.

I can already feel the fading happening with all of the stuff surrounding the eclipse. I really cherished that moment that we had there. That's an example of how this property of memory that seems obvious when we think about it can actually become if you flip it around, a filter for how to think about living a more meaningful memorable life.

[0:21:09.3] MB: That's fascinating and it's really interesting, because there's this counterintuitive element where you're actively inconvenience – you're inconveniencing yourself and making yourself less happy in the present, but creating a memory that actually makes you think that you're happier, feel happier in the future.

[0:21:29.9] DH: Exactly. Right. I mean, I think that's one of the real tensions that we came across in researching this book is that a lot of our lives are engineered to make things smoother. To a first approximation, well what we try to do in our lives is what we did yesterday, but a little faster, a little more efficient, fewer kinks, fewer problems. It's like we're in a smoothing operation.

There was a great quote from the authors of a book called Surprise, that they said, “We feel most comfortable when things are certain, but we feel most alive when they're not.” I think that captures the heart of this tension that the normal routines of everyday life are designed to iron out wrinkles and problems and bumps and novelty. Yet, it's precisely novelty that is memorable. There's a phenomenon called the reminiscence bump in psychology, where if you ask people just unprompted to talk about their memories from life, they tend to disproportionately recall memories from the period roughly from age call it 16 to 30, which if you're talking to a 75-year-old is what? A fifth of their life and yet, the dominant portion of their most memorable moments comes from that era. The question is why?

The answer is this is a period of extraordinary novelty in our lives. It's our first kiss, it's our first girlfriend or boyfriend, it's our first time away from our parents, it's our first job, it's our first falling in love, it's our first time moving cities, it's our first time managing our own finances and on and on and on and on. It's this extraordinary time of upheaval both good and bad. Then as you go through life in your 30s and 40s and 50s, there's nothing that dramatic that really happens, right?

You find the person that you want to spend your life with, you find the job that you really appreciate, you find the community where you want to put down roots. Those are incredibly positive things. I'm not arguing that we should rip up our lives for the sake of ginning up memories. One side effect of that is that we are not laying down as many dramatic and memorable moments as we were in our youth. The question is what do we do about that?

I think that the answer is really as simple as that old saw variety is the spice of life. Notice it doesn't say variety is the entree of life, right? It's variety is a spice. Meaning that we can get a lot of bang for our buck with moments. What it means is as we say in the book, we've got to learn to break the script more often, to disrupt those routines. When we were writing the book, we would periodically test out ideas with our readers.

We were both surprised, Chip and I, that one of their favorite exercises was something that we thought was just so simple and almost corny. We called it the Saturday Surprise. The assignment was all the things that you usually do on your Saturday, whatever that means for your family, maybe it's the same breakfast and cartoons and a visit to Home Depot, or whatever the norm is for you, your job is to disrupt those norms.

People would do these crazy things. They would treat their own city as if they were a tourist and go to the top couple rated sites, many of which of course they hadn't seen, because they were locals. Or one family put their daughter in charge of the day and let her run all of the activities. Another group decided to drive three hours away and spend the day with family they didn't get to see very much. They just felt extraordinarily positive about these experiences. It was like, they got this rush of joy and memorability. It was nothing fancier than just saying, “Hey, part of what we've got to learn to do is resist our routines sometimes, to just disrupt them.” That's the source of novelty and novelty is the source of a memory.

[0:25:37.7] MB: Really, really interesting. I mean, I think as especially someone I spend a lot of time thinking about memory, it's fascinating to play with the idea of how do I engineer life and engineer experiences that are going to be more rich and more fulfilling?

[0:25:55.5] DH: Yeah. Well, I'm curious about your experience. Have you played around with things that seem to be working? How has that philosophy changed what you seek out?

[0:26:04.4] MB: Well, I think this – I mean, your book and this conversation especially, I actually, I wrote the words ‘create more moments’ in gigantic letters, taking up basically an entire page of a word document and I'm going to print that out and put it up right behind my computer just as a reminder for myself to create more moments, because I think it's something that with a little bit of whether it's either for side or spontaneity, or whatever, you can really create so much more richness in your life and something that I find inspiring and personally for me, something that I want to move towards.

[0:26:39.9] DH: I should also say – I mean, we're talking a lot about the importance of these ideas for our personal lives, and I think that's key to the book. There's this whole other layer of thinking outward, of thinking about the people that we serve. I'll give you an example, when you start thinking in moments you start spotting these things that are just absurd if not infuriating.

I was working with a retail bank in Australia and we were talking about this special relationship that banks have what their customers is very unusual; a relationship that lasts decades. Banks are actually privy to a lot of the most important things that happen in your life. Banks will tend to know when you get married, because there's another name on your account, and they'll know when you start and stop jobs because your direct deposit changes, and they'll know how things are going for your retirement, because you're saving or not saving and on and on and on.

We were talking about what kinds of moments could a bank create, or its customers to deepen that relationship? One of the things we landed on was imagine when you finally pay off your mortgage. Potentially, the fruits of 30 years of diligent payments and how good that should feel, and then we were saying, that should be a capital M moment, where the manager from your local branch comes to your door and knocks on the door and brings you flowers and shakes your hand and says, “Congratulations, you finally got there.” By the way, and they pull out your deed that's now yours. They've been holding it to secure your loan, but now it's yours free and clear.

They framed the deed, they hand it to you. They say, “Congratulations. This place is a 100% yours.” This great moment of elevation and pride and connection. We were brainstorming about this and somebody in the back of the room raises their hand and says, “I work in the mortgage department here and not only do we not do that, we actually charge people a deed transfer fee when they complete their mortgage, and we charge them $75 or whatever it was to flip the deed over into their name.”

The whole crowd just groans, because you start to realize that when you tune in to the fact that moments have this disproportion and importance and you tune in to the fact that we can to a certain extent predict which moments should be more important than others, like this this cresting the mountain moment of paying off your mortgage, you realize just what an asinine idea it is to charge someone of be at that moment. I think instantly they all realized it and unfortunately, to their credit I came back about 18 months later they said they had actually started piloting this this home visit idea, which I thought was just genius.

[0:29:31.0] MB: That's fascinating. I think this is a good opportunity to broaden the focus and segue more into how we can think about not only engineering these moments for ourselves, but also how we can engineer them for other people. Before we dig into that, one other thing that I wanted is just circle back to that, I thought was really fascinating in the context of coming back to this idea of the magic castle and the story behind that.

One of the things that, I forget if you said it in a speech, or you wrote it, but it was this idea and juxtaposing the furnishings and how simple they were, versus how amazing the experiences were there, was this idea that fixing problems is not what makes people happy. Could you extrapolate on that, especially now that we're moving into the transition of talking more about creating moments outside of ourselves?

[0:30:21.4] DH: Yeah. For anybody who cares about the customer experience, I think this is a really important point. The idea is the way that we've been trained in the business world to create a better customer experiences is what do you do? Number one, you gather feedback from your customers, you take surveys or interview them or whatever. Then you fix the things they're complaining about. That makes sense, right? Of course, you want to fix things that your customers find dissatisfying. The issue is that fixing problems doesn't make people happy. Fixing problems whelms people.

What it means by whelmed is it doesn't overwhelm them, it doesn't underwhelm them, it just whelms them. Things are working as they expected them to work. If your cable TV functions exactly as it's supposed to for a full month, that's not something that makes you giddy with excitement. You're not going to look back on that period nostalgically a couple of years down the road. It's whelming; things are working as they're supposed to.

Whelming is good, because lord knows there are a lot of products and services in the world that are underwhelming and it caused us frustration and disappointment. We have tech support calls. Whelming means we've basically delivered the goods as expected. That's a very different thing than delight, or joy, or having such a delightful experience that you determined to share it with all the people in your network. The way I would explain that is to say imagine two versions of the Magic Castle Hotel.

We've described this place. There's this very mediocre looking place. Imagine 20 years ago, or whenever the Magic Castle converted over from an apartment, imagine two doppelgänger versions of the Magic Castle. They're starting with the same physical facility, but they run it in different ways. In doppelgänger one, they run the game plan that I talked about earlier, with the focus on moments and experiences and the popsicle hotline and the board game menu and so forth.

In doppelgänger two, imagine that they just relentlessly take survey data and fix all the things that people are complaining about. When people complain their pillows are too soft, they firm up the pillows, and when people complain the rooms are too dim, they add lighting and when people complain it took too long to check in, they add staffers to fix that. My question to you is where do we think that those two doppelgängers would end up on something like the TripAdvisor rating system? My contention is that the problem fixing doppelgänger of the Magic Castle would end up at about rank 1,100, while the moment creating version is where it is which is number two.

I think there's this divide that is a little bit counterintuitive that if what we want is to create a memorable experience for people, great experiences hinge on peak moments, but peak moments don't create themselves and furthermore, fixing problems won't create peak moments.

[0:33:29.0] MB: If peak moments don't create themselves, how do we set about creating them? Let's start for ourselves and then ultimately for others as well.

[0:33:40.3] DH: Well, I think that's the very topic of the book is once you clue into this idea that great experiences hinge on peak, moments how do you create them and that's where the four-part framework elevation insight pride and connection comes in. As you think to yourself, what great experiences are made over these four elements? How can we boost these elements? I'll give you an example of something that was done for employees. There's a woman who worked at John Deere named Lonnie Lawrence Fry, and one thing she had observed was that they were not really investing in the first day of work for a new employee, which is the reason we can know in advance that's an important moment is because it's a transition point.

Remember we talked earlier about peaks and transitions are disproportionately memorable. If you're clued into that, you have some natural intuition like, “Hey, we better get this right, because this is a big transition for new employees. They're coming to a new place, working with new people on new work, it's a physical environmental and social transition, we better get this right.” Yet, the vast majority of companies half-assed that day. You show up and the receptionist didn't think you were starting until the next week and you get to your computer and it's there, but it's not set up and you have to wait for IT to set up your internet account.

Some Good Samaritan whisks you around to meet 22 people in eight minutes and you forget all their names immediately, and that's the first day. This woman Lonnie Lawrence Fry said it can be something more. They created this extraordinary experience, I'll walk you through this from the perspective of a new hire. You sign your offer letter and before you even start, you start getting e-mails from a buddy on your team and they send you a photo and they introduce themselves and they tell you about where people eat lunch and where to park on your first day, what to wear to the office.

You show up on your first day at 9:00 a.m. and there's your buddy at the front door. They're holding a cup of coffee for you, they're there to greet you, shake your hand and of course, you recognize them from the photo they sent. They bring you into the lobby and the first thing you notice is your name is in bright lights, like on the on the monitors in the lobby it says, “Welcome Dan.” You’re like, “Wow, that's cool. That was thoughtful.”

They bring you up to your desk and you've already got your first e-mail and it turns out is from the CEO of John Deere, Sam Allen and he sent a little video in which he talks about his career at John Deere, he wishes you luck. He talks about the mission of John Deere, the place that you're joining and he says, “Our mission is to try to provide the food and the shelter and the infrastructure that are going to be needed by a growing global population.” Then your colleagues take you offsite to have a nice lunch and they pepper you with questions about your background and tell you some of what's going on and over the course of the afternoon, your boss and your boss's boss both stop by to make appointments to take you out for coffee in the next week.

I've just hit a fraction of what actually goes on, but the point is by the end of the day you walk out thinking, “Man, we're really doing work that matters here. I seem to matter to the people around me. They seem to want me here.” That's a powerful feeling. Back to that framework we've been talking about, I mean, this is all four elements. The elevation of seeing your name in bright lights in the lobby and the insight that comes from learning what your colleagues are up to and how it fits into the big picture and the pride that comes from working for a place that fights for food and shelter on a global basis, and of course, the connection of getting to know someone even before you walked in the front door the first day.

That is an engineered moment that someone just created from scratch, that has a big impact on employees. If the book could be reduced to one sentence, it's we can be the authors of peak moments, in the same way that Lonnie Lawrence Fry was.

[0:37:48.2] MB: It's really interesting, because it's another great example. When you think about your first day at work in many, many of these transition points in life, there's so many missed opportunities to create these unique memorable moments for people. One of the other things that you wrote about and talked about in the book is this idea of using moments as a communication tool. I'm a very analytical person, and so when I typically try to convince someone to something, I'll explain everything and walk them through here's reason one and two and all this stuff. In the chapter where you talk about tripping over the truth, you had some really good stories about how powerful moments can be as an explanatory tool, or as a communication device as well.

[0:38:38.4] DH: Yeah, let me tell you a story that's actually not in the book, but I think illustrates this concept we're talking about. I met a small business owner who owned a manufacturing company in the Midwest. He fancied himself an enlightened owner. He'd done a lot of things to try to make his employees lives better, including starting a 401k plan, and he had a pretty generous match, it was 6% or 8% as I recall. He got a little frustrated that nobody seemed to be signing up for this.

He was expecting they had all make rampant use of it. He tried pestering them and reminding them of the enrollment and sending around the forms that you needed to sign up and so forth and nothing really seemed to move the needle. This one day, he brings everybody together into the conference room and he's the last one to enter. He comes in without saying a word and he's holding this medical bag, this doctor's bag that looks heavy, and comes over to the table in the center and unzips it, turns it upside down and out pours this huge pile of cash which gets everybody's attention in the room.

Then he explains. He says, “You see this pile here, this is the amount of money that all of you just voluntarily gave up by not maxing out your 401K contribution.” He said, “At the end of this meeting, I'm going to take all this cash and I'm going to scoop it back in this bag. I'm going to zip it back up, I'm going to take it back to the bank and I'm going to put it in my account.” He said, “My question to you is we're going to do this again at the same day next year and do you want this cash in your pocket next year, or in mine?” He said there was a rush to sign up for the 401K plan that day.

That's an example of something as you said that we call tripping over the truth. It's a moment of insight. What's interesting about it is that it comes with speed, it comes with force. There's this aha that happens in your brain when you imagine being in that room and seeing that cash and feeling this twinge of, “Oh, gosh. I can't believe I gave up that opportunity to have that be my money.” That's a very different strategy than we’re used to when we try to persuade people, or gain people's support for our ideas.

A lot of times, we just try explaining things to people. It's like we just want to dump information on them, or we want to share our conclusions and share our bar graphs and our Excel spreadsheets. What's far more powerful for that is to figure out a way that we can reconstruct the insight that we had and allow them to discover it. That's what tripping over the truth is about is can we put people in a situation where the discovery is theirs, where the insight, the epiphany happens in their brains and it's not just an information distribution effort, which is the way that I think most people and organizations function. Our call to people is if you need other people's support, can you think about a way as in this example of the table full of cash, to have them trip over the truth?

[0:41:53.9] MB: Yeah, I absolutely love the story of the 401K. I think it's such a powerful illustration. What would be a tactic or a strategy that you would recommend for somebody like me who typically thinks and tries to explain everything so analytically to people. How can I step back and how can listeners like me step back and think about what's a way to turn this into a moment that can create a burst of insight for somebody?

[0:42:23.9] DH: John Kotter, who's the organizational change guru from Harvard Business School, he's got a great model that I think is relevant for this. He says that the way change happens in organizations is we think it's all very analytical and people think their way through and they make plans. He says that what he's seen is that there's a three-step process that happens. The people see something that makes them feel something that leads them to change; see, feel, change.

That's a very useful mental model of how change actually happens at the human level; see, feel change. I was working with a group from DuPont at one point and they told me about some efforts they had underway to reduce waste in factories. They said it like the 401K story. They said they had struggled and they'd communicated a lot about why this was important and why it was strategic and here's the money that's at stake and so forth. Yet, just wasn't catching on.

One of the factory foreman just one day took a bunch of his employees in a van over to the landfill where DuPont factories deposited the stuff that they were throwing out. There was a whole section of this landfill that was basically devoted to DuPont's trash. He took them out there and they piled out and they just took in this awesome, in a negative way landscape of trash and realized like this is ours, this is our waste. There was something about that that just seemed wrong, seemed emotional in a way that none of the information and the strategy and the financial logic weren't.

That, the foreman told me was the real start of the initiative, the real moment when people claimed is theirs. Then that's a classic example of what Kotter is talking about, that the people saw something that made them feel something, that gave them the desire to change. I think thinking in these emotional moments, I think would be my advice to people who are trying to change things.

[0:44:29.9] MB: What role do rituals play in crafting these moments?

[0:44:36.6] DH: Rituals in what sense?

[0:44:38.3] MB: I mean, I guess thinking about when we look at – the example I was specifically thinking of was the story of the woman who couldn't get over her husband.

[0:44:49.1] DH: Yeah. Well, what's interesting is a lot of the capital letter moments that cultures have created, we think of wedding days and birthday parties and Bar Mitzvahs and Quinceañeras and graduations, there are moments that mark transitions in life. A wedding is an obvious transition, really important transition in the life of a person. The same with a graduation ceremony and the same with the Bar Mitzvah.

What's also interesting is there are other transitions in life that seem to lack these moments associated with them. It can become a challenge for the rest of us to spot these missing moments and try to create something to demarcate them. Let me give you a concrete example of what I'm talking about. There was a woman whose husband had passed away. They had been loyal faithful Catholics and that had always been the heart of their relationship. It had been gosh, what? Six or seven years, I think since the husband had passed away. He'd had Lou Gehrig's disease and had a slow painful decline.

Six or seven years later, this widow comes to a counselor named Kenneth Dhoka and says, “I feel like I'm ready to start dating again, to maybe have a relationship, but I just can't take my wedding ring off. It feels disloyal. I believe that marriages are for life.” On the other hand, she knew that it was for life and she had honored her commitment to her husband, and so she felt stuck.

This counselor Kenneth Dhoka has written a lot about the power of rituals to help people who are grieving. He came up with this idea. He worked with her Catholic priest to create a ceremony one Sunday afternoon after mass, and he brought together most of her close friends and family members, many of whom had been in her wedding. The priest called them up around the altar and he started to ask her some questions. “Were you faithful in good times and bad?” “Yes, I was.” “In sickness and health?” “Yes.”

The priest basically led her through her wedding vows, but in the past tense. It gave her the chance to affirm to the people that were gathered together that she had been faithful, she had been loyal, she'd honored her commitments. Then the priest said, “May I have the ring, please?” She takes it off her finger and hands it to the priest and she said later that she felt at that moment the ring just came up as if by magic. The priest took the ring and he arranged for her ring and her husband's ring to be interlocked together and then affixed to their wedding photo.

This ceremony, basically what it's doing is it's allowing her to signal publicly that her identity is about to change. It was it was a moment that allowed her a fresh start. I think this is a really interesting story, because it clues you in on the fact of how pivotal moments are in our lives. The fact that we look to a moment to capture and demarcate a couple getting married, and we look to a moment in the form of a funeral to provide closure for someone who we cared about, and we look for a graduation to signal the transition from student to employee.

It makes you think, we've got to be careful in life when there are really important transitions like this one from being a widow to being someone who's ready for another relationship, that if those transitions are missing moments, it often creates this unease. This widow is struggling with, “Is it okay for me to do this and how are people going to look at me if I do this? Do I feel okay about this?” The ceremony that priest and Kenneth Dhoka created allowed all of that to be condensed into a day. It's like before that day, she was not ready, after that day. That's I think that the power of ritual and what a moment can do.

[0:49:04.5] MB: I think that's a great example too of a nebulous process, finding and creating a moment that anchors that transition point and ties all those things together really neatly.

[0:49:19.0] DH: There's some research by the way on a less emotional scale on what's called the fresh start effect. A professor named Katherine Milkman was it was the lead on this body of research. Her insight was we do this thing, New Year's resolutions every year. Basically to a first approximation, everybody's resolutions are the same. It's like, we all want to lose weight and exercise more and save more. What's really interesting about resolutions as a phenomenon is that there's truly no difference in your goals, or aspirations between December 31st and January 1st right? There's no difference.

What we're doing is we're allowing ourselves to clear the slate. This is her observation that really a New Year's resolution is a mental trick we're playing with ourselves, where we say even though we may have binged on junk food every day in the previous calendar year, this resolution says the only thing that matters is what I do going forward. She said, “Aha. Well, if this slate cleaning effect is something that people are craving, if that's why we created these resolutions, shouldn't there also be more opportunities to do the same thing?”

She started studying for instance, attendance at gyms. Of course, it spikes at the beginning of every new year, but it also spikes interestingly at the beginning of every month, even at the beginning of every week. It's like, we're all doing this thing where we need an excuse to clean our ledger, to forgive ourselves a falling short in the time periods before, and on the first day of a new year, on the first day of a new month, on the first day of a new week, on the first day of a new semester, we can start with a clean slate and it gives us hope and optimism for change.

[0:51:18.5] MB: For somebody who's listening that wants to concretely implement the things we've talked about today and start using the power of moments, start creating powerful moments for themselves, what would be one piece of homework that you would give to them as an action item, or a starting place as a first step towards doing that?

[0:51:39.9] DH: Let me give you two easy ones and one stretch goal. The stretch goal first. On our, website heathbrothers.com, we've got a whole slew of resources from all of our books actually that are available for free. You just log in and get access. One of those documents is called a week of memories. It's our attempt to help people in one week create the most meaningful, memorable week of their year. Every day has this recipe and there's challenges.

I'm not going to I'm not going to underplay this. It's difficult to make this work, but we know it's possible because we've had many people write us and tell us about it. It takes effort. I think the payoff is enormous. If you're up for a challenge, check out that week of memories document and follow the plan. For something you can do in the next 24 hours, I think there's some really easy ones. Just to create a moment of elevation, tonight do something that breaks the script. Whatever it is you would ordinarily do on a weeknight, tear it up and do something else. Grab, takeout sushi to surprise your partner and bring home a movie. Or if you watch a lot of movies, get out an old board game, or get one of those cheesy conversation starter decks. Just try to find multiple ways to disrupt your routines and I think you'll see what I mean about novelty having surprising power.

The other thing that's more outward looking is and this is a theme in the book that we didn't have enough time to talk about, but recognition. That is to say find someone at work, or maybe someone in your personal life, a mentor, or our boss, or someone who's done something that that you found really precious and just say thank you to them. Tell them why, what they did was so important and so meaningful, and just give them a little bit of praise. I don't mean text, or e-mail, I mean, face-to-face, because I think that's important for these moments.

You'll be surprised. Number one, it's weird that you get butterflies when you're about to say something really nice to someone. I don't completely understand that phenomenon, but there's this kind of, you'll have to work through the nerves to go up and just say something great. I'm going to tell you, you are going to feel like you're on a high for a couple of hours afterwards. I mean, it's like emotional magic. Meanwhile, not only did you feel good, you created a peak moment for them as well and that that's something they'll remember for many, many months afterwards. Those are a couple of easy things and one hard thing to try.

[0:54:17.5] MB: You touched on this a little bit, but for listeners who want to learn more, want to find you and your work online, what's the best place for them to do that?

[0:54:25.6] DH: I would go to the heathbrothers.com site first. That's where you can find all those goodies I was talking about, their podcast and workbooks and whatnot. If you're interested in, Chip and I wrote a previous book called Decisive About Decision-Making in Behavioral Economics. If that's the stuff you enjoy, you might check out a podcast that I'm involved with called Choiceology. It's a seven-episode season, you can binge the whole thing in a few hours, and it's been really, really fun to work on.

It’s a lot of the principles of behavioral economics, but manifest in stories that are just super dramatic. People dying on mountaintops and being attacked by sharks and high-stakes negotiations by sports agents. It's fun to see these classic biases that are studied by decision-making people, but in the form of these really epic stories.

[0:55:18.3] MB: Well Dan, thank you so much for coming on the show, sharing all this wisdom. Obviously, tremendously insightful and it's been an honor to have you here.

[0:55:27.3] DH: Thanks so much for having me on. It's been a fun conversation.

[0:55:29.9] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you our listeners master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story, or just say hi, shoot me an e-mail. My e-mail is matt@successpodcast.com. That’s M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener e-mail.

I'm going to give you three reasons why you should sign up for our e-mail list today by going to successpodcast.com, signing up right on the homepage. There are some incredible stuff that’s only available to those on the e-mail list, so be sure to sign up, including an exclusive curated weekly e-mail from us called Mindset Monday, which is short, simple, filled with articles, stories, things that we found interesting and fascinating in the world of evidence-based growth in the last week. 

Next, you're going to get an exclusive chance to shape the show, including voting on guests, submitting your own personal questions that we’ll ask guests on air and much more. Lastly, you’re going to get a free guide we created based on listener demand, our most popular guide, which is called how to organize and remember everything. You can get it completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide by signing up and joining the e-mail list today. Again, you can do that at successpodcast.com, sign up right at the homepage, or if you're on the go, just text the word “smarter”, S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44222. 

Remember, the greatest compliment you can give us is a referral to a friend either live or online. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us an awesome review and subscribe on iTunes, because that helps boost the algorithm, that helps us move up the iTunes rankings and helps more people discover the Science of Success. 

Don't forget, if you want to get all the incredible information we talk about in the show, links transcripts, everything we discussed and much more, be sure to check out our show notes. You can get those at successpodcast.com, just hit the show notes button right at the top. 

Thanks again, and we'll see you on the next episode of the Science of Success.


June 07, 2018 /Lace Gilger
Mind Expansion
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This Is What Will Make You Finally Take Action - How To Bridge The Learning Doing Gap with Peter Shallard

May 31, 2018 by Lace Gilger in Focus & Productivity, High Performance

In this episode, we take a look at the biggest failure of The Science of Success and what we can do about it. We examine the three types of people in the world and how they go about approaching their own development and achieving their goals. Peter and Matt dig into accountability, the impact it’s personally had on Matt and his businesses, and how you can build accountability in your own life with Matt himself. Finally, we examine the gap between learning and doing that prevents most people from ever actually applying what they’ve learned. 

Known as “The Shrink for Entrepreneurs” - Peter is a renowned business psychology expert and therapist gone renegade, he works with entrepreneurs from around the globe to help them master the psychology of reaching their goals of success faster, better, and with a bigger impact.

  • Matt has failed, failed you, failed his listeners. 

  • Matt shares his personal struggle with moving from learning to doing and actually applying everything he learns.  

  • The three types of people and how they go through life…which are you?

  • Close eyed and on autopilot - These people typically have a closed mindset and are not ambitious about achieving their goals. 

    1. Learners - These people are curious and passionate about the world and their goals. Typically these types have a growth mindset.

    2. High Leverage Action Takers - There are not many. They concretely apply these learnings in their lives and execute every day. 

  • What it means to be a high leverage action taker. 

  • How can you become a high leverage action taker?

  • Are some people just born in group 3? Born High Leverage?

  • If you want to become high leverage and level 3 then you cannot do it alone. It’s not possible.

  • The importance of having Accountability

  • The Science Behind Accountability and what makes it so powerful. 

  • How Peter and Matt formed strategies for accountability and executing on Matt’s most important projects. 

  • It’s up to you to take the action, but group accountability will get you there. 

  • We take a deep dive into Matt’s past both accomplishments and failures. 

  • Learn the history behind the beginnings of The Science of Success. 

  • Matt’s first experience learning outside of a classroom and actually applying that knowledge for results in the real world. 

  • Matt’s list of his personal favorite influencers and thought leaders. 

  • The best way to actually begin to apply what you learn. 

  • The PERIL of the learning-doing gap. What is it? Are you in it? And how can we get our of this spiral?

  • Are you stuck in the “bat-cave of learning?"

    1. Do you have a huge sense of what you’re capable and know you have potential… but never actually realize it?

    2. What evidence do you have for your own growth?

  • How to move from intellectual learning mode to high energy doing mode.

  • Matt’s unknown “selfish" reasons for starting The Science of Success. 

  • What you need to do after every episode of The Science of Success from this day forward. 

  • There is an aspect of development that simply cannot be taught, it must be experienced. 

  • "What you are learning is only as valuable as your ability to implement it in your own life."

  • What actions and tactics separate those who accomplish all their goals and those who just learn, become frustrated, and fall behind. 

  • How can you maximize the time you spend in your flow states?

  • The studies and research showing that conscientiousness is a learnable skill and can be a predictor of success. 

  • This IS NOT about doing more stuff. It’s about doing the right things that require courage and discipline. 

  • How isolation affects your productivity due to your mammalian brain. 

  • Accountability is the biggest driver of human behavioral flourishing.

  • Technology is robbing us of that “paleo” accountability that would normally flourish. 

  • Do you have accountability - These questions will tell you!

  • Is it even possible to hold oneself accountable?

  • Are you spending time with people who don’t want you to succeed?

  • Some of the most common accountability traps individuals and companies fall into. 

  • What happens if you don’t have social accountability?

  • Unveiling of The Science Of Action!

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This week's episode is brought to you by The Science of Action.

If you're looking to create big changes in your life and execute on your most important and ambitious goals, The Science of Action is for you. The Science of Action is based on years of research and working with thousands of individuals to level up their productivity. We guarantee the same results for you. 

As a member of The Science of Action, you'll receive...

  • Exclusive access to Matt. We'll be hosting monthly webinars and going deep on some of the most important tools and tactics Matt uses to build his businesses, organize information, negotiate, and execute.

  • A one-on-one call each week with your personal effectiveness aid who is trained in the research and psychology of accountability and The Science of Success podcast. Connect via text, email, and phone anytime and all our aids are based in the U.S.

  • Access to our SoA web app - think of this as a dashboard for your personal growth. You can track and measure your performance and stay focused on your goals. Available any time from any device.

  • A MASSIVE ROI in your personal and professional lives achieved through bridging the learning-doing gap.

All of this exclusively for Science of Success listeners for only $199/mo. Get started today and never fail to execute your goals again. 

Episode Transcript


[0:00:00.4] MB: So let's pull back from the darkness a little and dig into how we can solve this accountability problem permanently. 

[0:00:08.5] PS: What you're learning is only as good as your ability to actually build a practice of implementation and execution in your life. It's not about just doing more stuff. It's about doing the right kinds of things, which are typically the hardest things to do, the things that require the most courage and discipline. Human beings outsource their sanity. 

[00:00:19.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success. Introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:27.8] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success; the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the internet with more than two million downloads, listeners in over a hundred countries and part of the self-help for smart people podcast network.

In this episode, we look at the gap that exists between learning and doing. Why is it that so many smart ambitious people invest hours in their growth and development, but fail to see breakaway external results for the time they’ve invested? If you sometimes feel overwhelmed by all the things you know you could, or should be implementing to level up your life or career, then this episode is going to blow your mind.

We explore what science is telling us about the actual execution of concrete individual growth and measurable upward mobility across various dimensions of life. We share the most effective tactic for moving yourself from learning to doing, with our special guest, Peter Shallard.

I’m going to quickly tell you why you should sign-up for our e-mail list if you haven’t already. There’s some amazing stuff that’s only available e-mail subscribers including three awesome guides, curated weekly e-mail every single week that our listeners absolutely love, exclusive preview and early content and much more. If you haven’t, be sure to go to successpodcast.com and sign-up for our e-mail list right on the homepage.

Because I’m so excited for this episode, let’s go ahead and dig in. Here is the show.


[0:01:59.0] MB: Before we start the conversation with Peter, I wanted to share something with you. This episode is particularly personal for me, because this is a concept that I’ve spent a tremendous amount of time thinking about, and in many ways it’s been one of the most important epiphanies in my own life.

I recently realized that I failed. I failed myself, but more importantly I failed you, the Science of Success community. Let me explain what I mean. I’ve been committed to deep learning and passionate about evidence-based growth for much of my life. Through that journey, I’ve identified essentially three buckets of people.

The first bucket are people who haven’t woken up yet; people whose eyes are still closed. They’re in some ways asleep at the wheel. They go through life without really questioning why things are the way they are, they’re not ambitious, they’re not driven to take themselves to the next level, and many instances they have a closed mindset. I think you probably know somebody like that in your own life.

The next bucket of people are people that are lifelong learnings, people that are curious, that are passionate, that are driven to improve themselves. They’re fascinated by learning and growing. They often have a growth mindset and they want to figure out how they cannot only improve themselves, but ultimately improve the world. I think many of you, many of my listeners fall into this bucket.

There’s a third subset of people; these are people that are executing every single day. They’re high-leverage action takers. They’re a small subset of these lifelong learners. They take what they learned and they concretely apply it in their lives, so that they can create impact and that they can create results. It cascades through everything that they do, to their home life, their friends, their family. For them, self-improvement is not just an intellectual exercise, but it’s a lived day-to-day reality.

One of the biggest challenges in my own life has been moving myself from that second group to this third group, taking myself from who’s been a lifelong learner since I was young, something that’s come naturally to me and been part of my life, taking that and transforming that into something that I actually take action on.

I went on this journey from learning to doing and I made the shift from indulging intellectual curiosity to proactively applying driving change in my life. I’ve reaped tremendous awards as a result of becoming somebody who takes action and actually takes his ideas and puts them into practice. I started this many years ago, taking my learning, everything from mental models, evidence-based growth and much more and concretely executing on the principles that I learn and applying them in everything that I do in my day-to-day life.

This became one of the most important things in my professional life and one of the most rewarding parts of my personal life. Through doing this, I’ve realized how challenging it is, and I think doing it by yourself, I think you’re crazy to try and battle that battle alone.

To that end, for the last four years I’ve worked with Peter to create accountability in my own life. We have hundreds of hours under belts working together and dealing with the challenge of the learning-doing gap.

This interview and this conversation is going to be a lot different than a normal interview. It’s not just going to be me asking Peter questions. It’s going to be a dialogue and an exploration of my journey of becoming an action-taker. Peter in some cases is going to flip the script and ask me questions that I’m going to answer, but we’re going to have a really rich and informative dialogue that I hope shares with you some of the biggest lessons and strategies that we’ve come up with and we’ve put together for helping you become an action-taker and helping to close and bridge the learning-doing gap.

For those of you who don’t know, he’s a very early guest on the show, but Peter Shallard is known as The Shrink for Entrepreneurs. He’s an X-psychotherapist who works privately with the founders of some of the world’s top startups. His client roster has collectively over a billion dollars in market capitalization value.

He’s also a passionate advocate of evidence-based psychology and has founded a startup of his own that works with academic researchers to bring empirical performance optimization to small business owners.

Peter, welcome to the Science of Success.

[0:06:18.1] PS: Thanks for having me. I’m excited.

[0:06:20.2] MB: Well, we’re super excited to have you on the show today. I can’t wait to really dig into this conversation. I think it’s going to be a unique and refreshing experience for the listeners, and I think it’s going to be something that’s a little bit different from a traditional Science of Success interview.

[0:06:34.1] PS: Yeah. That was one hell of an intro. I’m super, super honored to be back first of all, second time. Yeah, and just to be able to rev and go deep on this topic, which I know for you is everything in a way. It’s like really where it’s the meeting of our minds, right? This is something that’s super important to me too.

[0:06:52.3] MB: Yeah. We’ve been working on this for a long time obviously. I definitely give you a lot of credit for helping me bridge this gap. In many ways, it comes down to when the rubber meets the road, being the person who actually has to be in the trenches and execute. I mean, that’s a battle that not only I’ve had to face by myself, but I think everybody listening who’s tried to take action in their lives has faced the same challenge.

[0:07:15.7] PS: Yeah. I think, I mean obviously you can’t credit our work together for changing everything, because we’re literally talking about the gap that even exist in our work when you and I rev were stepping outside of we’re taking like a break in an hour a week outside of the day-to-day of living life and implementing things and building businesses and doing what you do, and talking about it and learning about. Closing the learning-doing gap really moving and taking what you’re learning and taking action on it is always something that you do alone, but in a weird paradoxical way, it’s been a focus of – I think it’s the meta focus of every conversation we’ve had for, well how many years has it been now?

[0:07:53.6] MB: I think it’s been at least four years, maybe four or five years. I was trying to remember if it was 2013 maybe when we met, 2014?

[0:08:00.4] PS: Yeah. Wow, okay. Cool. Yeah. This learning-doing gap, I mean it’s the meta dialogue of everything that we talk about, but I know that when I met you, you’re already a really successful guy that this is something that you have – we’ve been working to optimize together and make you more of an execution powerhouse. Yeah, I mean where do you see, you really started waking up to this idea that everything hinges on jumping from intellectually understanding things into actually taking concrete action on them.
[0:08:34.8] MB: Yeah. I mean, I think in the early stages of my life I was inconsistent, but I still took action. I started to accumulate results and achievements, everything from winning the national debate championship when I was in high school, to becoming one of the only people, or actually the only person in either my high school or college graduating class to get a job at Goldman Sachs. I was a political science major, but I read over 20 books in finance and completely taught myself about the financial markets, and then applied that knowledge to getting a job on Wall Street.

Once I started really creating a system and a process, I was able to create much more concrete and impactful and consistent results throughout my life. Everything from in my day job as an investor in the last five years, I’ve probably sourced and closed more than 20 million dollars’ worth of deals and transactions.

Another thing getting on the Forbes 30 under list in 2017, I wouldn’t have been able to do that if I hadn’t applied that lessons and the knowledge from the things I’ve learned, not only from the show, but books I’ve read about how to build relationships and how to influence people. Even in the trenches of some of the work we’ve done with companies we’ve invested in.

I spent years turning around failing technology company and our portfolio and recently got that company into the Inc. 5000 fastest growing companies in America. Without being a consistent – somebody who consistently executes and takes these ideas and these principles that I learned through things like the podcast, through things like being a voracious reader, I wouldn’t have been able to create those results in my life. Today, I have the flexibility to control my own destiny, control when I work, spend time traveling the world and learning and having fun and having a completely flexible schedule where I control what I do and when I work. I think a big piece of that has been the execution that has resulted from a consistent process of applying the things that I’ve learned.

[0:10:35.5] PS: I think that’s such an important distinction for people who are – for your listeners here, people who are tuning in and wondering like, “What is this learning-doing gap?” That we’re not talking about the value. It’s not my job to be on top of you every week cracking a weapon and making you work hundreds of hours to execute all of the stuff. In fact, it’s almost the opposite. What we’re talking about is that gap that exist between the most aspirational learning, the development of mental models, the reading of books.
I think that one of your – you’ve given us a laundry list of pretty badass accomplishments here, but I think one of the best ones for you is the Science of Success. I remember when you started this project that it was basically a project to satisfy your intellectual curiosity, because you wanted to have an excuse to have conversations with these people whose thinking that you admired, who are influencing the way you do business as an investor. It was really an exercise and satisfying that curiosity.

Then one of the things I’ve seen is that your access to people has turned into those incredible workflow of taking new ideas and then putting them to work in your life. I’m so stoked that we can have this conversation today, because I think that for a lot of Science of Success listeners, I’m guessing as they know you the guy who asks the smart questions and they’re taking notes thinking, “Here’s what I want to do with what I’m learning.” What isn’t always obvious from the outside is that you’re probably one of the biggest beneficiaries of the show itself in the sense that you’re building plans into your life and taking action based on the stuff.

[0:12:13.8] MB: Yeah, I think that’s totally right. It’s funny, I mean, I selfishly ask many of the questions in the interviews, because I’m implementing many of ideas in my life. Even the question we ask at the end of every interview, which is what’s the one piece of homework that they would give to our listeners to implement? I’m asking that for myself in many cases.

[0:12:30.7] PS: That’s for you too, yeah.

[0:12:32.5] MB: Yeah, absolutely.

[0:12:33.5] PS: I think that this is – it’s such an interesting thing in life, because that distinction that you made, I love this idea of three different types of people in the world, because I think it’s usually – it’s always a dichotomy. It’s like these two types of people in the world. It’s so true that these people who aren’t curious, these people are and who do a lot of learning. Then there’s this tiny, tiny fraction of those people who go on to actually take the things that they learn and do something with them. I think that there’s just a huge number of people who have a bunch of ideas of what they would do if they had the time or the energy, or maybe just the motivation or whatever it is to be this version of themselves that they have in their mind and taking that step, crossing that learning-doing gap is a real challenge.

It’s from my work, like with you as a client, the other people I work with, I see it as the juice of life itself, that that’s where the really big transformational shifts and leaps ahead and business and personal life come from. I think that a relentless, like increasing the rate at which somebody, which you, I’ve seen you do this, ask yourself what am I going to do with this idea? How am I going to apply this? Then having that go from being intellectual to being a practical conversation. That whole challenge is really everything that we’re talking about here is the daily practice of moving oneself out of cerebral intellectual mud and into execution tactics implementation.

[0:14:00.9] MB: I just think you bring a really unique perspective to this, because I’m one man. I’m an island and see, only within my own personal struggle with bridging the learning-doing gap. There are so many other people out there that suffer and struggle with the same challenge.

[0:14:14.7] PS: Well, this is the thing is that it’s actually totally possible to live your entire life in what I think of as like a bat cave of learning, right? Completely cutoff from the world, reimburse consuming all kinds of content, like podcast have made this stuff super accessible to people. Building up a sense of what you’re capable of without ever actually realizing it in the concrete sense.

It’s this lifestyle of holding a mental image of yourself that is bigger, better, smarter and more successful than objective reality. The scary thing about it is that it’s really comfortable for a lot of people to live that way, to have this idea but to never actually cross that leap, to feel great about what they’re learning, but to never cross the chasm and jump into the doing part.

[0:14:59.9] MB: I think that’s something that I struggle with myself is constantly building up the sense of like, “I’m collecting all these ideas and one day I’m going to implement them.” It’s really hard to break out of that shell and actually become someone who does. When we talk about evidence-based growth on the show and what we’re really digging into is we want to figure out what are the empirically valid science-based methodologies of improvement.

What we’re trying to figure is what evidence do we actually have for our own growth. I think when we get caught up in these as you call them bat caves of learning where we don’t see ourselves growing and approving and actually implanting what we’ve learned, I think it’s really easy to deceive ourselves about how much growth we’re actually achieving.
[0:15:43.4] PS: Totally. Yeah. I think that’s why when you hit me up about having this conversation and recording this for the podcast, I thought it’s a bold move, because Science of Success, like all podcast, like every book, that every author in the space, these and people, lectures, TED talks, all that stuff, everything that’s published really feeds those hungry for knowledge people, that second group that you articulated.

In a lot of ways, the self-development industry and even the more academic side of it, we could point and say that they’re a little bit of a failure, because it only does that. It encourages that second group of people, those curious people to just listen more, pop your head funds in, stop doing what you are doing and start listening, start listening to this podcast and that one. I know it’s like not something you’re supposed to say on a podcast interview as a guest, but I think that there is a reality that all of that learning stuff is great to a point, right?

[0:16:41.7] MB: Yeah. I mean, you and I started kicking this idea around. I think we both realize that was a really important conversation, because you’re right, it’s almost a taboo subject in the personal development, or self-help space to say, “All these ideas are great,” but does it really matter if you don’t actually implement any of them, right? I think being somebody who’s a high-leverage action-taker, somebody’s who is in that third bucket is a constant process. It’s a practice.

It’s a posture that requires energy to maintain. It’s not something you can learn to do. It’s something you have to practice doing and master through practice, right? The idea that you can learn it is almost that kind of coming back and falling back into that second bucket of thinking again. Only through practice and execution can you actually begin to become somebody who is truly an action-taker.

[0:17:35.1] PS: A lot of the founders that I work with will talk about, like entrepreneurs will sort of allude to this. I think it’s one of the biggest things that people who haven’t had that experience of building companies and doing all that stuff, that people just don’t get. These entrepreneurs talk about street smarts, school of hard knocks, getting hard one industry experience.

They’re all pointing, I think. Trying to verbalize this thing that can’t be verbalized, because it is something that can’t be learned. There’s an aspect of experiential development I think is what a psychologist would call it, that just intellectually is out of reach. It can’t be taught at college, or parents can’t teach it to you. It’s the thing that my clients get when they get out there into the world and they start taking action.

I think for people who are passionately curious about self-growth, there is that aspect too that what you’re learning is only as good as your ability to actually build a practice of implementation and execution in your life.

[0:18:32.3] MB: I mean, you and I have obviously had a number of conversations. If tens, if not hundreds of hours where we’ve kicked around to some degree or another this fundamental idea of how can we move ourselves down this path from learning to doing. The cool is that we’ve decided to collaborate on a new project, to help move Science of Success of listeners from learning to doing.

[0:18:57.5] PS: Like I said, my background comes from studying entrepreneurial success. The secret to my career is that I’ve done the world’s greatest MBA program over the last decade that I got paid to do, because I got to learn from all of my clients, and actually you’re one of them. I get to work with these incredible people. I’ve done a bunch of work advising venture capitalists who are investing in these entrepreneurs. I’ve worked directly as a service shrink with the entrepreneurs.

A big part of what I have to figure out is patent recognition. That’s figuring out what do we know about success? What do we know about the people and the businesses when they go in to work so that we can effectively predict the future, which is super important in the VC world? Then I launched a company called Commit Action. It’s a software and a human-powered coaching hybrid, which gave me access to over 10,000 conversations with business owners of all sizes. Not just the startup, the technology space, but also lots of different small business and FMEs across the world in over 20 countries.

We have also got to talk to a bunch of academic researchers as advices for those business and even test out a lot of what we’re doing with totally non-business people as well. We’ve stumbled across artists and also to creative professionals. Basically, what we have discovered is that these three types of people thing, what I’ve spent the last decade doing is working with people who are really strong in that level two space, who have deep intentions of being level three.

What we learned and especially in some of the research, we did at Commit Action is that success for these entrepreneurs isn’t really a spectrum. That is actually a really major goal. Like when I started out I thought, “Okay, there’s these people out there who want to build things and make their lives better as a consequence. There’s a whole rainbow spectrum of people who are just starting out, who are struggling, and then people who are widely successful and every type of person in between.

What we actually discovered is that there is a huge number of people who are really struggling. Then there’s a tiny fraction of people who have it all, who are hitting homerun after homerun in this area. Again, 90% of the folks that we talk to were totally dissatisfied with their progress of putting ideas into action, or just doing the things that they know they should do professionally, or even personally. What we found is that there weren’t differences in location, or knowledge, or education that separate these people.

[0:21:32.5] MB: I love that idea that success is not a spectrum, that it’s not evenly distributed. I think that’s really, really important and a fascinating conclusion from some of the work that you’ve done.

[0:21:44.2] PS: Yeah. We started asking, okay if it’s not a spectrum, if there is this quite binary like have, have not difference, what is it that could be contributing to it? That’s where we basically went down this rabbit hole of empirical psychology bunch in neuroscience and basically realize that what you’re talking about in this epic intro where you articulated this learning-doing gap is basically a crisis of conscientiousness, like what behavioral psychologists call conscientiousness, and what other psychologists call self-regulation.

These are understood by the people who study them, who go deep in these areas to both be the major social pathologies of our time. What I’m trying to explain here is summing up a whole bunch of different academic approaches to understanding the same thing, which I think that you have so succinctly articulated as the learning-doing gap.

What our research pointed us to was that the biggest course of this problem, the biggest reason that there’s some people who really, really struggle with this who never quite seem to take as much action as they want to who don’t get into the flow states as much as they want to, however you want to put is basically isolation. That social isolation is really at the root of the cause of these major social pathologies of the modern world.

[0:23:09.8] MB: I think accountability is so critical. The science obviously supports that conclusion. We talked about a number of components of that. In many ways, our relationship over the last four or five years has been a form of objectively created accountability via our professional relationship. That’s enabled me to become an action taker.

[0:23:36.1] PS: Totally. I mean, that’s exactly what works about literally any therapeutic or coaching relationship, whether it’s a good one or a bad one. I want to give myself credit, we’ve had a lot of great strategy conversations you and I. We’ve talked about some of the mental models, the things that you’ve learned and how you’re applying them to investing decisions and that kind of stuff. At the core of any professional relationship like that, where it’s my job to show up and basically hold on to a biggest set of expectations for you on a weekly basis, then you might even through yourself to hold that space. That is the heart of what I think really, really works about therapy, about coaching, about having mentors or advisers or any of that stuff.

I think so many people hung up on the content in thinking, “Well, what are we talking about?” They missed that it’s actually the container that creates a tremendous amount of that value. Those are the thing is that the specialization of our work in the modern world, like the technology, the fact that most people these days work behind a computer doesn’t even really matter where they are, if they’re blue collar, if they’re participants in the knowledge economy. Certainly, if they’re business owners or entrepreneurs.

All of the social changes that are very, very recent, that have only come about in the last 50 years, if I’m being generous, have robbed us of the natural accountability that would have existed even for our grandparents and certainly every generation beyond that with social ties that close would be right there and that would really help us flourish. I think that that’s why we’re seeing so many people who are stuck in the modern, why so many people are unhappy, not doing as well as they wish they could be. It’s why people have to proactively seek out accountability.

[0:25:22.0] MB: Let’s dig into that a little bit. Tell me a little bit more accountability and for somebody who’s listening, how can they figure out if they have accountability in their life or if it’s missing and maybe that’s something that could be holding them back?

[0:25:33.6] PS: Yeah. I mean, this is the thing. This is the sad state of affairs and the reason why I think that this is the root cause of the major social pathology about time is that most people, many, many people have absolutely zero accountability in their lives; for the personal growth, like the biggest opportunity that they have, like the thing that they’re working on. For people who are passionately listening to a podcast like Science of Success, or who reading books, who are really developing some aspect of themselves, or trying to, that’s an incredibly private process for most people.

Most of the folks we’ve talked to will tell us that the spouse doesn’t get it, their family doesn’t get what they’re up to, most of their friends don’t even get it, that they really are in that intellectual bat cave. As a consequence of that, while they are doing the learning, they are totally excited about what they’re doing, but as soon as they start moving from learning to doing, just putting their toe in this sort of proverbial doing swimming pool, they immediately become plagued by isolation, doubts and sort of loneliness, because they just don't have people who are in it together who are with them.

Then what we've seen is that some people play games to attempt to hold themselves accountable. That looks like weird mind games that people set up for themselves, where they're doing mental bargaining, they're installing reward systems in their life where they're trying to manage their schedules and various kind of things that they're implementing, or rituals, aspects of self-improvement, whatever it might be in the business world and their personal lives. That kind of feel like the way someone would manage an unruly toddler, right? It's like putting a little chart on the fridge and saying, “Now if you take this off, if you get this done then you get the cookie.”

It’s a very unhealthy mental dynamic. The other thing we see is people who try to get it from like a close friend, they find a buddy who's going through a journey with them, but then the challenge with that is that it's very – it sometimes works, right? Like jogging buddies work and that's a form that's really basic form of accountability, that's like a perfect metaphor for this. They fail when the first day that somebody's hungover, right? They tend to fall apart. They don't stress test well. Those relationships fall apart when you need it the most.
Or sometimes it's worse than that, that the form of accountability that's available to you socially keeps you stuck where you are, where as a consequence of your accountability partner or friend not being entirely on the same page with the vision you have for yourself, not quite wanting the same things as you. There are some people who actually don't want to the people around them succeed, because it makes them feel worse about where they're at. It's very difficult to spot.

[0:28:19.8] MB: I think a lot of these traditional strategies, I know definitely been challenging for me and I've seen other people I know struggle with the same things.

[0:28:28.4] PS: I mean, it is a major, major problem. We found this out when we started asking people at my company. We started doing this research, thousands of people we asked this one simple question which was, does anyone on earth really know if you spent the last week in the zone absolutely crushing it, or if you were just clocking in and out without accomplishing anything?

What was shocking about that question is that people with committed, like fantastic, like self-described fantastic marriages answered it no. That something about the way that modern human beings work has made people with close families, people with friends who live very near them all answer no this question, that our work has become increasingly digital, it's private, it's on screens other people can't see, no one knows whether or not you crushed it last week, or whether or not you just clocked in and out and wasted time. The human brain did not evolve to optimally perform in that vacuum of social accountability.

[0:29:28.6] MB: I want to dig into, and we're going deeper and deeper in this rabbit hole, but we'll come out of it. I want to into the implications of not having accountability. What are some of the problems that that creates in people's lives?

[0:29:40.6] PS: I think that the problem with a long-term, and it really is for some people, they begin these chapters of their lives that can last decades without really any social accountability. The first thing is that human beings are beginning to lose the mental mirror that develops self-awareness. There's this brilliant saying, I forget where I picked it up, that human beings outsource their sanity. That it takes a village to grow a human mind.

I think that that is everything that we're talking about. That when you're in the accountability vacuum, there's nothing making you honest with yourself. You might know that you're capable of more, right? I think we all believe deep down that we're capable of doing more, of being more, but you're not clear on the specifics of where you're letting yourself down. There's this feeling of uneasy loneliness as a consequence of long-term accountability vacuum.

We also saw people describe seeing others around them, particularly folks who live and like – live and work in really high-performance cultures where there's a lot of successful people and who are around that. That they sort of felt as though everything was on slow-mo for them compared to other people. That they would see other people move much faster and feel like taking action on whatever it was, took them two to five times longer, whatever that means.

We see people kind of – before I talked about the sort of mind games, the mental bargaining people play, I think that long-term, that tends to result in a sort of a schism of the psyche, where people describe this experience of feeling as though there's like an internal mental in a critic, or like a personal trainer whose job it is is to beat you up and tell you what you're supposed to be doing. What typically happens is that internal voice like lets you off your morning workout says, “You didn’t sleep so good last night. Take it easy. Or just chill on Facebook for a little bit this morning at work. Don't worry about it.” Then that afternoon turns around and screams and yells at you for not doing enough. There's this insane rollercoaster of inner critic dynamics that really upset people.

[0:31:50.5] MB: That's one that personally for me has been a major challenge. I mean, I think I'm naturally just very tough on myself. That split personality of letting myself off easy sometimes and then flipping it around and being really hard on myself as a result of that is something that I've personally dealt with and struggled with for sure.

[0:32:10.0] PS: Yeah. Well, yeah. Thanks for sharing. It's tough. I mean, we've heard some shocking things from people. We've heard folks who have described having epiphany after epiphany, breaking promise after promise to themselves, going a bit angry at themselves every single night swearing tomorrow that they're going to wake up and make everything different and turn over a new leaf, only to wake up and repeat the same mistakes and feel as though nothing ever changes. Like we've really interviewed folks on this and had this whole litany of what it looks like to be deep in the accountability vacuum with no way out.

[0:32:45.7] MB: Let's pull back from the darkness for a second and tell me what do people do once they've woken up to this lack of accountability in their lives?

[0:32:54.5] PS: Good question. In my experience talking about this stuff, I've done it from the stage, I've presented online and a whole bunch of different venues and variety of places. There's three kind of knee-jerk reactions that different groups of people have depending on where they're at in their journey of understanding the stuff and really internally clicking with this truth about the significance of accountability is something that drives positive human behavior change.

It's ironic. I mean, the first thing that the vast majority of people do the largest group is just do nothing. They hear about this stuff. They not along – they even have that internal experience of believing this is really going to change things, this is a refreshing wake up mind blowing new idea. Then they walk away from that intervention, that moment of realization with nothing, with no action whatsoever.

Then the second group of people ironically try to solve this by fixing it on their own. They think that this is something that they understand, it makes a lot of sense, they're super fired up to take action and they take everything that they've learned and there's perspective that accountability helps. Mentally imbue themselves with more willpower, and that creates that classic week-long follow-up, being fired up, that then fizzles out, because of the ironic lack of accountability that this is not a problem that you can solve on your own.

The group that I'm always excited about talking to, it's the people that I've built my career working with is the third kind of tiny fraction of a minority. That are the people who realize that the real message here is that they need external support and really learning about the psychological, like social implications of accountability is that final thing that kicks them off and has them solve the isolation problem in their lives.

[0:34:43.1] MB: This is the exact strategy that I've used and that's worked for me working with you using this external support. That's why I'm so excited to finally be able to discover a scalable way that we can share the same strategy with a group of listeners who are ready to take action and bridge the learning-doing gap.

This is something that I really believe in. I've worked with Peter for a number of years on personally solving this and creating a framework of external support. We've found a way now to take the exact strategies that have worked with my relationship with Peter and deliver them to a larger group of audience members who are ready to take that action and bridge that gap. Peter and I have teamed up actually to create an amazing solution to this accountability problem, and it's something that we call the science of action.

We've been working explicitly for months on this idea, but really implicitly for years. The conversations that we've had dating back several years and this whole idea of the learning-doing gap and how do we bridge it. We've created something based on our relationship and the strategies that have worked to help me become a high-leverage action taker, and we call it a total accountability package. It's designed to help you create accountability in your life, bridged learning doing gap and take action on the things that will matter and create an impact for you.

It's a one-on-one service and we're going to get into the details in a second, but we're only able to offer it to the first 50 people that sign up, because it's so personalized and it really helps you dig in and solve this problem.

[0:36:20.9] PS: I think that at this point before we break down the details of it, it's really important to talk about, because this is obviously a very, very specific high-touch white glove service that we've put together this total accountability package, to talk really about who it is for and who it isn't for in a really specific way. We've got a strong set of intentions about what it is that we want to use this accountability to accomplish. I think that there's a real clear person who could be listening to this for whom this is an absolute no-brainer and a fantastic fit for.

[0:36:54.4] MB: I think to start out, you have to have something, some kind of concrete thing that you can make an impact on something, that you can take a leap from learning to doing on, not just thinking about that's going to have an impact on your life. You need to have some sort of real opportunity in front of you, a path to creating improvements and outcomes in your life by taking more action, and asking yourself whether this change is going to truly matter and create an impact in your life.

You also need to be somebody who's ready, truly committed to taking that leap from learning to doing. Not just thinking about it, not just listening to it on a podcast, but really stepping into that practice of being an action taker. Lastly, you need to be able to commit at least five hours a month to invest wholeheartedly in moving from learning to doing and spending time implementing the super high-leverage tactics and strategies that are going to boost your professional and personal outcomes.

What we've created is a total accountability package. That has three components, all of them are designed not only based on the relationship that Peter and I have and how that has helped me be such an effective high-leverage action taker for the last five years, but also in the science and the principles of human motivation and accountability. The first thing is that you're going to get a personal executive effectiveness aide, who's going to have a weekly one-on-one phone call with you that's going to help you organize and prioritize your goals and hold you accountable to executing them.

They're going to check in with you throughout the week with SMS and e-mail to make sure you're on track and that you're actually executing. They're going to help you figure out what are the most important and high-leverage things that you can be doing, so you can execute on them. The next component is a focused monthly webinar with me and all of the members of science of action, where we're going to go through one particular lesson, or strategy from the Science of Success and talk about how to implement that concretely in your life.

I'm going to tell you how I've implemented it and share with you specific worksheets, strategies and tactics that you can use to execute and implement those ideas in your life every single day. Lastly, it comes with a customized software application that's both mobile online anywhere you want to use it that you use to work with your executive effectiveness aide, keep track and manage all of your tasks and activities, and has a full history of all the prior webinars that I've done with science of action members.

I want to get into the specifics of each of these three components of the total accountability package, because they all support and reinforce each other. All of them are based on the science of accountability and all of them are based on the relationship that Peter and I have had in creating a more scalable way to share that. Peter, do you want to start out and tell them a little bit about these executive effectiveness aides and how they work?

[0:39:48.6] PS: For sure. Yeah, I'm really excited about this. In addition to this entire science of action concept, instead of services being based on the work that Matt and I have been doing together, we're bringing in heavy hitters from my company Commit Action to serve the role as these executive effectiveness aides. Now, you need to understand that a couple of things about these people that make them so incredible is that their job is to almost act as a part of your support team.

We frame the executive aides as the most important hire somebody can ever make being the person whose job it is to keep you in the high-leverage zone, to make sure that you continually take action on all the things that you know you should. Their job is to act as a white glove concierge for your goal setting. Rather than you screwing around with systems and lists trying to figure out how to keep track of tasks and organize all of your projects and plans for these kind of high leverage growth opportunities in your life, you are now going to have somebody who takes care of that for you.

Their role is also to operate as a personal trainer, but for your focus and productivity. They're highly trained in brain science and psychology to help keep you focused on the things that you need to be. Of course, the thing that really is incredible about this service is that we're giving one-to-one professional objective accountability that helps you stay on track, stay focused and keep crossing that gap from learning into doing.

Every single one of these aides has hundreds and hundreds of hours of experience working with business owners and entrepreneurs with my business Commit Action. They've gone through a comprehensive training program. These are full-time 100% in-house staff that I've built up as a team and trained over many years. They're based in the US. We hire less than 1% of the people who apply for this position, because we take the psychological variable testing finding the right personality fit for people to be absolute experts at professional accountability. What you need to understand is that this is the absolute pinnacle of pro objective accountability, and it's going to be in your corner. You're going to be supported by the service.

[0:42:02.5] MB: Working with these aides is phenomenal. It effectively lets you outsource your battle for focus and productivity. There's a whole another component of the science of action as well, and that's the webinars that we're going to be hosting every single month. I'm going to be doing a webinar with all of the science of action members and we're going to concretely go through some of the most important ideas, lessons and strategies from the Science of Success. I'm going to walk you through specifically how to execute and implement those ideas in your life.

I'm going to share with you how I've done it, give you templates, tools worksheets and strategies so that you can do it yourself, and we're going to have a Q&A where we can walk through and ask questions, talk about struggles, setbacks, places where you're not clear about how to do it, or roadblocks that you might hit. I'm going to be a resource there for you to talk through and figure out how to overcome those challenges.

I'm going to give you a little sneak peek of the topics we're going to cover in the first three months of these science of action webinars. The first month, we're going to talk about how to get more done by focusing on less by using the power of contemplative routines. We're going to go deep into the 80/20 principle, which is one of the most important principles from my life. I'm going to show you how to conduct an 80/20 analysis on your own life and how you spend your time.

I'm going to give you a template and a worksheet that you can use anytime you want to create and conduct an 80/20 analysis to see what's working for you and what's not. I'm going to walk you through how I've conducted an 80/20 analysis on myself, share with you the raw notes from prior 80/20 analysis that I've conducted. Then we're going to walk through a Q&A for the questions or things you might not really understand, or feel uncertain about.

The second month, we're going to dig into how to solve any problem and generate breakthroughs in your life and work by digging into the science and strategies of how to create a creativity ritual in your life that's going to create breakthrough insights into the problems and challenges that you have. This is something I do every single morning and it's a strategy that I can't wait to share with you.

In the third month, we're going to get into how to get anyone to do what you want by applying the science of influence. These webinars are going to be phenomenal. They're going to be information-packed and it's all about how to take action.

[0:44:21.1] PS: The other component of the science of action, the other part of this total accountability package is the proprietary software that we've built and put together exclusively for science of action members. Now again, this draws from years of insights, data and research and testing that we've done over at Commit Action and really brings everything together. We started out by asking what is it that a professional executive aide for accountability needs to support their client, to support you to really be the highest leverage version of themselves?

We realized that building out a task list and a sort of a project manager tool where the project is you and your life is just the first step. We went beyond that to actually create a live interactive system built with some of the most cutting-edge software technology that enables you and your executive effectiveness aide to effectively collaborate in real-time when you're on your weekly check-in calls, to create order out of chaos, to sort through your task list, to specify different things that you're working on, to go through the methodology that your coach is trained in, to really dig deep into figuring out how you can measure what it is that you're working on, how you can be more specific about it finding the right level of implementation granularity.

We have a proprietary tool that I'm really excited for you to get access to that facilitates all of this and makes it easy for you to just focus on the doing on the action taking, and have your aide effectively just focus on keeping everything organized around you, so that you can be that high-leverage version of yourself.

The other thing I think it's really important to mention about the software is that the brings another tremendous psychological force. We haven't had too much time to talk about today beyond accountability. It's the force that's driving the multi-billion dollar quantified self-industry. The reason that that industry is blowing up with Fitbits and Apple watches and all that kind of stuff is because quantification works, measurement works.

The thing that our software does is it actually creates a track record of your shift from learning into doing. It builds up over time as you're using the science of action service on a monthly basis, you're going to start building an action record. Your executive aide takes responsibility for keeping track of the amount of hours, the time that you're putting in working on the highest leverage opportunities in your life. This isn't just a task management system that you're putting in notes, like don't forget to pick up milk after work, or pick up the dry cleaning. It's none of that.

Instead, it is a top-shelf solution for only the highest leverage, most important, least urgent opportunities that is creating meta measurement and psychological momentum around the streaks of consistently showing up on a daily, weekly and then monthly basis, to move forward on these huge courageous kind of bold projects in your life that create real concrete change. I'm really excited for science of action members to dig in and start to experience all of the measurement components of the software that we've built.

[0:47:24.0] MB: I want to pull it back now and re-summarize what we're offering here with the science of action. There's three big components that form a total accountability package. The first is that you're going to get an effectiveness aide that works with you one-on-one. You have a phone call every week and they're going to have weekly check-ins with you be on the phone call, where they're checking up and making sure that you're actually executing. This is one of the most effective strategies for accountability.

Next, you're going to get a monthly webinar with me, where we're going to go through how to actually implement the ideas from the Science of Success. Walking you through the tactics and strategies and giving you the tools to be able to do it. Lastly, this is all going to be housed on a proprietary software platform that's state-of-the-art and enables you to collaborate in real-time with your aide and get access to all of the content we've created with science of action now and in the future.

Peter’s work is really the foundation for what we're bringing and offering to the Science of Success community here. I wanted to share a couple quick stories. With the magic of editing, we can sort of insert them here from people who've worked with these executive aides in the past, and they can share with you just what it's like.

[0:48:33.7] CM: Hey, my name is Carl Mattiola and I'm the Founder of Clinic Metrics.

[0:48:37.7] KA: Hi, my name is Kathryn Atkins and I'm the owner of Writing World, LLC, a freelance business writing company.

[0:48:44.4] S: Hi, it’s Sen here in Scotland, and I just wanted to say a quick word of thanks to Commit Action and a bit about my experience with Commit Action over the last year.

[0:48:53.4] CM: I started with Commit Action about a year and a half ago. When I did, I was still working a day job –

[0:48:59.3] KA: Since last year, the first nine months of last year versus this year, I am up 50% in sales.

[0:49:06.2] S: It immediately started to inject some action-oriented structure to my weekly routines. I was always structured and driven, but became much more focused on the things I could control to move my business forward. Commit Action is now a permanent fixture in my life and it has been for the past year.

[0:49:21.5] CM: It always helps me stay focused and just really driven. It's just really good to have that extra person on the other side. It feels good to have that, know that they care and it makes me want to do more knowing that there's somebody else outside of my everyday life looking at what I'm doing, so it's worked really great for me.

[0:49:41.2] KA: It's been a great thing. Their simple formula is surprisingly powerful.

[0:49:46.2] S: I'm eternally grateful for the huge leaps that I made mentally.

[0:49:49.7] CM: Today and looking forward a lot has changed. I mean I've left my job since then. I'm working full-time on my businesses. At the time, I was only one employee just working for myself and now I have nine people working with me on these businesses.

[0:50:03.5] KA: I built the confidence and the momentum and the determination that I needed to go forward even more.

[0:50:11.8] CM: I highly recommend the service if you're somebody who really needs some help with productivity or being more productive, or if you're somebody like me who's already somewhat productive, but just wants to improve themselves. Yeah, highly recommend it.

[0:50:27.2] KA: It's like I've tapped into a force in a Star Wars kind of way.

[0:50:32.9] S: Now my future definitely looks bigger and bolder than I would have previously thought, because I’m mentally equipped with powerful tools that can guide and support me.

[0:50:42.8] MB: We're combining these executive effectiveness aides with these webinars with a software platform creating an end-to-end accountability service that's going to help you be more accountable. I'm sure probably asking yourself at this point how exactly is this going to work? What exactly is this going to cost? I wanted to put that in context for you.

As I said, this comes out of my work with Peter and how he's helped me personally become a high-leverage action taker and we found a way now to share that with a broader Science of Success community of people who want to become action takers. Working with Peter, he's incredibly busy. He can only take on maybe five, 10 clients at a time and he charges several thousand dollars a month for his service. He's done some homework and looked into what would be a more effective pricing strategy for the science of action.

[0:51:34.7] PS: Yeah. We actually kind of focused group this and talked to a few different people who are in the target psychographically of who it is that we want to be working with. The prices that we heard thrown out there for this level of weekly accountability varied from, you know, honestly up there with what I charge at the thousands of dollars a month point, down to I think about a $1,000 maybe $500 a month, which I think is great. It certainly is exciting that people are pumped about the value of this and see it as an investment in their life.

We think that we can do a hell of a lot better than that. This is a service that we're excited to bring to a decent sized group of people. We're starting off with 50 spaces and a hard limit on that availability, and we are pricing this at $199 per month.

[0:52:20.7] MB: I think it's really important to talk about why this is only available to the first 50 people who sign up. We have hundreds of thousands of downloads every month and we can only offer this to the first 50 listeners, because these are badass, highly-trained, high-touch executive effectiveness aides. They're going to be working with you one-on-one in a white glove concierge experience. This isn't something that we can offer completely in mass, but I am really excited that we can offer it to a larger chunk of the community, and so it's really specifically for the people who are right there ready to crush it, ready to take action, they know there's an opportunity in front of them that they need to be executing on and this is going to be the thing that helps push you over the edge, so that you can execute on it.

Specifically, take a look at your career, your life, your health, your relationships and see what you can do to improve it. If there's something right there in front of you that you know you could create a big impact on. Is it making a major shift in one of your relationships? Is it changing dramatically something about your lifestyles, so that you can be healthier or more mindful? Is it a career opportunity, whether it's getting recognition, taking charge, seizing that promotion, driving a particular outcome in your business. These are the kinds of things that you can use the science of action to create a breakthrough in your life immediately. With the help of these executive effectiveness aides, you're going to be able to create the accountability that's going to make those outcomes become a reality.

[0:53:48.6] PS: The way that I think about this is, you know my backgrounds both as shrink for entrepreneurs and my other company is always working with business owners, with entrepreneurs. For those people applying this kind of objective accountability is a no-brainer, because they're people who are living right up against that opportunity, where every single day their actions make a difference in terms of their bottom-line results. I think that for Science of Success listeners, if you take a really good hard look at yourself, you may feel that you're actually in a similar position.

The way that we've set this up the 50 space is the $199 a month price, is really something that you can think about being comparable to perhaps a high-end gym membership, or even working having like a session or two with a high-end personal trainer who's about to get you in the best shape of your life. These are the types of investments people make, because they know that that kind of accountability and sort of effectiveness really creates results. The only difference is this is in your wider life.

If you're an executive who's got something that you can really take initiative around, take outside responsibility for and create dramatic change in your life that's going to yield a result. In other words, if there's going to be a return on investment, not just for investing in the actual price of science of action, but for the time and energy that you'll need to put in in order to make that leap from learning to doing.
We are looking ultimately to work with people who are outcome-oriented, who are ready to make that type of commitment and investment in their life, because they know what it is that they want and they have a clear path in front of them to accomplishing it.

[0:55:21.8] MB: The way that you can sign up for science of action is by going to scienceofaction.net. You can sign up right there on the homepage, scienceofaction.net. Remember, we can only take the first 50 people who sign up, so be sure to go there as soon as possible. We exclusively release this early just to our e-mail list, so you're getting an early access to this.

We can only take the first 50 people who sign up at scienceofaction.net, and that's how you can join the service, get your own executive effectiveness aide, join our monthly webinars and become somebody who is an action taker.

[0:55:57.2] PS: Just to give you a perspective on what happens as soon as you hit that sign-up page and fill out your information, the very next thing that you're going to do is go to a webpage inside of our web app there that's going to give you a selection of different appointment times. We have tons available appointment times to suit all different time zones around the world out and serve clients in over 20 countries, so that's not a problem.

You're going to select the appointment time that suits you best, then you're going to be on-boarded and start filling out a questionnaire. The point of this questionnaire is to equip your executive effectiveness aide with everything they need to know about you and what you're working on, what you've got going on in your life, so that they can help you become the highest leverage version of yourself possible and really even make that first check-in call that they do with you really count.
The last step once you've done that questionnaire is you're going to get access to our proprietary web app. We set it up for new members coming in to be in what we call bucket mode. That's where you're going to be able to input tasks and ideas, hopes and dreams, anything that you've got on that kind of mental to-do list, or maybe it's a physical to-do list you have somewhere with a 101 kind of ideas and thoughts and hopes and dreams projects and things that you want to be doing.

What I want to encourage you to do is to put all of that stuff into the science of action app. Get it all listed out down there, so that your executive aide can start sifting through it helping you create priority, helping you tease out, using our proprietary, methodology, using the psychology that they are trained in, what the lowest-hanging fruit is, what the high-leverage opportunities are. They're going to create order out of that chaos, get you on track with specific measurable outcomes that you're going to stop pursuing on a weekly basis, and then updating them on and kind of beginning this entire process.

Treat this as an opportunity right after you sign up, fill out that questionnaire to then brain dump everything that you need, and that's how we're really going to start changing your life and moving you from learning to doing with this science of action service.

[0:57:57.7] MB: Once again, you can go to scienceofaction.net and sign up. Only the first 50 people who sign up are going to be able to get in the program right now, so be sure to be one of those people if you're primed and ready to take action in your life. Again, just to give you a sense, I know sometimes it's hard on a podcast if you're driving around, if you're at the gym, etc. I want to give you a quick summary and tell you again what science of action is.

It's a big shift for the Science of Success, but it's something I'm really passionate about and this process and these strategies have transformed my life and created a tremendous impact for me personally. I've been wracking my brain about how I can solve this learning-doing gap for you, the listeners of the show and this is the first step towards solving it and helping more people in the science obsessed community become high-leverage action takers.

The three pieces of this puzzle, this accountability package that we can now give to you and help you take the steps and become somebody who actually creates results and executes in their life. The first thing you're going to get is an executive effectiveness aide that's going to be your white glove concierge to help you stay accountable, manage your goals and figure out what your priorities are.

Next, you're going to get a monthly webinar with me and the other science of action members, where we're going to go through the specific steps and strategies for executing the most important ideas from the Science of Success. I'm going to walk you through how I've done it and share with you exactly what you need to do it as well. This is all going to be housed in a great custom proprietary software application that you can get online. You can get it on your phone, you can get it wherever you want. We can offer all this for just $199 a month, which is the fraction of a price of what something like this is truly worth.

You can go to scienceofaction.net and sign up right now. We can only accept the first 50 people who sign up, so be sure to go there and check it out. If you have more questions or you're curious, Peter and I are also going to be hopping on a live Q&A just for people who are on our e-mail list, and that Q&A is going to be Tuesday, May 29th at 6:30 p.m. Eastern Time. We're going to be doing a live Q&A, so we can talk to you more about science of action and share a few more insights about how to create accountability in your life.

I know this is a new step for me and it won't be for everybody. It won't be for all of my listeners, but regardless of that, I really wanted to create something like this. Again, this has been tremendously impactful for me personally. I truly believe in what we're doing with the science of action, and I wouldn't be creating this kind of special episode about the show. I wouldn't be sharing all these insights with you if it wasn't something that had personally worked for me and I know can work for you too to create results in your life.

Thank you for listening to us and for sharing this journey with us. I'm excited to be able to provide you with the real tools and strategies you can use in your life to become a high-leverage action taker and to become somebody who's accountable and creates results for what they want.

I think for everybody who's listening to this episode, the biggest meta takeaway of our whole conversation is that whatever you do, you need to find a way to supplement what you're learning with accountability so that you can become someone who creates action, who takes action and makes it happen in their lives.

Peter, thank you so much for coming on the show. Thank you for collaborating with me to create the science of action. I'm so happy and excited to be able to offer this to everybody and I can't wait to see what kind of results the listeners go out and create using this amazing service.

[1:01:31.3] PS: Yeah, thanks so much for having me. I really appreciate it. It’s been cool to riff on this. It's been a pleasure working with you to collaborate and build this over the last few months. I think that that meta takeaway is spot-on, by the way. I tell everybody that I meet this, to everyone I touch and interact with in all my capacities across different businesses, I think it's the same story for science of action, for Science of Success listeners, no matter who you are, no matter whether or not you feel like you're one of these people who's on that precipice who's ready to make the leap from learning to doing and joining us with this, or if it's not for you, either way solve this accountability problem in your life, get a mastermind together with friends, get accountability buddies, do all of that, because accountability works best when you stack it.

I'm going to encourage everyone who joins science of action to stack as much accountability as possible. What we've built, what we've put together with our executive aide service and all the bits and pieces that makes this a total accountability solution. That I think is the cream, the ultimate cherry on top for an accountability cake. I'm sort of taking this metaphor too far here, but it is a cake, a layer cake that you should be building in your life.

We're put together a white glove option for really busy ambitious people who want the absolute best accountability, the kind that's objective, that's utterly professional and is rock solid and dependable as a result of all of that. I totally agree. I want every listener today to walk away from today with a new sense of appreciation for the power of intentional social bonds and the accountability that springs forth for them. Thanks for having me.

[1:03:05.4] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you our listeners master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story, or just say hi, shoot me an e-mail. My e-mail is matt@successpodcast.com. That’s M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener e-mail.

I'm going to give you three reasons why you should sign up for our email list today by going to successpodcast.com, signing up right on the homepage. There are some incredible stuff that’s only available to those on the email list, so be sure to sign up, including an exclusive curated weekly email from us called Mindset Monday, which is short, simple, filled with articles, stories, things that we found interesting and fascinating in the world of evidence-based growth in the last week. 
Next, you're going to get an exclusive chance to shape the show, including voting on guests, submitting your own personal questions that we’ll ask guests on air and much more. Lastly, you’re going to get a free guide we created based on listener demand, our most popular guide, which is called how to organize and remember everything. You can get it completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide by signing up and joining the email list today. Again, you can do that at successpodcast.com, sign up right at the homepage, or if you're on the go, just text the word “smarter”, S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44222. 

Remember, the greatest compliment you can give us is a referral to a friend either live or online. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us an awesome review and subscribe on iTunes because that helps boost the algorithm, that helps us move up the iTunes rankings and helps more people discover the Science of Success. 

Don't forget, if you want to get all the incredible information we talked about in the show, links transcripts, everything we discussed and much more, be sure to check out our show notes. You can get those at successpodcast.com, just hit the show notes button right at the top. 

Thanks again, and we'll see you on the next episode of the Science of Success.



May 31, 2018 /Lace Gilger
Focus & Productivity, High Performance
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Essentialism - Get the Mental Clarity to Pursue What Actually Matters with Greg McKeown

May 24, 2018 by Lace Gilger in Focus & Productivity

In this episode we look at the real strategy for producing breakthrough results, high contribution and personally satisfying work .The last time someone asked you how you were doing - did you answer “Busy?” Then this episode is for you. We explore why smart, capable people end up plateauing and failing. We examine the culture of busyness that has overtaken us and examine how to avoid the traps of getting overwhelmed and focusing on the wrong things. We share strategies for determining what’s important, eliminating the non-essential, and making execution effortless with our guest Greg McKeown. 

Greg McKeown is an international keynote speaker and the bestselling author of Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less. Greg has spoek at events around the world including SXSW and interviewing Al Gore at the World Economic Forum, where he serves as a Young Global Leader. Greg has worked with some of the largest and well known companies in the world and his work has been featured on Fox, NPR, NBC, and praised by many more.

  • How do smart, capable people end up plateauing and failing?

  • Success breeds options and opportunities, which can eventually undermine success

  • Success can actually be a catalyst for failure via "the undisciplined pursuit of more"

  • You have to become “successful at success,” success itself must be managed if we are to get to the next level

  • Essentialism is a continually process and a disciplined pursuit of less

  • The three key strategies of essentialism are:

  • Explore what’s essential

    1. Eliminate the non-essential

    2. Make Execution as effortless as possible

  • The forces of success are such that they tend to naturally push us away from that process of focusing on the essential

  • Our old responses are necessary but not sufficient to the challenge of focusing on the essential

  • Do you ever feel busy but not productive?

  • Do you ever feel like your life is being hijacked by other people’s agendas?

  • You have to act upon your life in a deliberate way —> schedule it, put time on the calendar for that

  • It’s not just about eliminating the time wasters, but also eliminating the good opportunities too

  • How do we combat the social pressure to say yes that constantly makes us over-commit ourselves

  • The expansion of choices has not been incremental - its not a 10% increase, its not a 100% increase, its a 1000x increase or more in the last 100 years - the human condition has fundamentally changed - and we have to adjust our strategy

  • We have to shift more deliberately than we have, more deliberately than we think we need to. 

  • We must become FAR more selective in what we go after

  • You cannot possibly execute on everything - even the good opportunities - you must focus only on the most important opportunities

  • Is this the VERY BEST use of me? Is this HIGHLY IMPORTANT? Is this the MOST IMPORTANT thing that I can be doing right now?

  • “Non-essentialism” is the default setting in our lives right now

  • The problem is that our default setting / default decision is to take on more and more until we’ve diluted our efforts and shifted our focus away from what’s truly important 

  • Because everyone is running around in a reactive mode, in a busyness bubble, it seems and feels normal to be like that 

  • Non-essentialism is a “fact free” position that has no support in the research

  • Is “non-essentialism” producing breakthrough results, high contribution, and personally satisfying, and highly meaningful for you?

  • Does this sound familiar: How are you? “Busy"

  • Busyness has become a value. 

  • What does the science say about being productive?

  • The second most highly correlated item that distinguishes TOP PERFORMERS from good performers - is the number of hours of sleep

  • It’s not about doing more thing's its doing more of the RIGHT THINGS

  • The first thing to do is build your essentialist muscle around things that you CAN control

  • Reaching for your phone first thing in the morning is giving up a lot of power in your life and other people end up setting your priorities and dictating how you spend your time and energy

  • “First less, then obsess"

  • The essentialist mindset can help both your personal and your professional life

  • If you want to go from being an overwhelmed order-taker to a trusted advisor- you have to pause and understand your priorities - and bring the reality of trade-offs to your boss/supervisor

  • The idea is not called “no-ism”  - the key is to figure out what IS essential - what’s the most important thing we could be doing - and then DO THAT

  • The most graceful no is actually saying YES to something that’s more important. Yes to a bigger and more important opportunity.  

  • How do you say no gracefully? How do you overcome the discomfort of telling people (especially your boss) NO?

  • It’s important to understand that the goal is NOT to be selfish - but to make the biggest possible commitment - and in order to do that - you must focus on the essential.

  • Highly mature relationships can sustain a no

  • Are you falling prey to "Bertolt-Becht Thinking”? (and why that might be dangerous)

  • What will matter when I’m no longer in the picture?

  • This is what we need to do in order to not waste our lives 

  • Self actualization is not the same as self transcendence - and why that distinction is essential (no pun intended) to understand 

  • "Reducing oneself to zero"

  • The lesson from Ghandhi showcase the true power of essentialism

  • "Humility and simple truth is more powerful than empire"

  • How to cultivate a self-transcendent perspective

  • The most important thing to do is to figure out the most important thing to do is and to do it

  • Small wins are the only way to truly get started

  • The 21 Day Essentialism Challenge

  • Homework - begin a daily reflection a journal - even just one sentence a day

  • Reflection (via journal) will “open up a whole world of value” and is Greg’s “favorite tool and technology"

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For a limited time, Skillshare is offering our listeners TWO MONTHS OF UNLIMITED CLASSES for only $0.99! That's UNLIMITED classes for two months for only $0.99. Go to www.skillshare.com/success to redeem this incredible offer NOW!

Skillshare is an online learning platform with over 20,000 classes in design, business, technology, and more. Whether you’re trying to deepen your professional skill-set, start a side hustle, or just explore something new, Skillshare will keep you learning and thriving.


Again, Skillshare is offering our listeners the incredible deal of two whole months of UNLIMITED classes for only $0.99 so get out there and start learning at www.skillshare.com/success

SHOW NOTES, LINKS, & RESEARCH

  • [SoS Episode] Everything You Know About Sleep Is Wrong with Dr. Matthew Walker

  • [Article] The Role of Deliberate Practice in the Acquisition of Expert Performance by K. Anders Ericsson, Ralf Th. Krampe, and Clemens Tesch-Romer

  • [SoS Episode] Blindspots, Bias, Billionaires and Bridgewater with Dr. Adam Grant

  • [Book] Great at Work: How Top Performers Do Less, Work Better, and Achieve More by Morten Hansen

  • [WikiQuote] Bertolt Brecht

  • [Challenge] Essentialism 21-Day Challenge

  • [Book] Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown

  • [Personal Site] Greg McKeown

Episode Transcript


[00:00:06.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:11.8] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success; the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the internet with more than two million downloads, listeners in over a hundred countries and part of the self-help for smart people podcast network.

In this episode, we look at the real strategy for producing breakthrough results, high-contribution and personally satisfying work. The last time somebody asked you how you were doing, did you answer with the word busy? Then this episode is for you.

We explore why smart capable people end up plateauing and failing. We examine the culture of busyness that has overtaken us, and examine how to avoid the traps of getting overwhelmed and focusing on the wrong things. We share strategies for determining what's important, eliminating the non-essential and making execution effortless with our guest, Greg McKeown.

I believe that stepping from learning into doing is the major problem facing ambitious smart people today. I'm on a mission to close the learning doing gap. My solution to this problem, something I've been cooking up for years is the biggest announcement in the history of the Science of Success. All I can say right now is that something is coming and it drops on our next episode on May 31st. If you've experienced the learning doing gap, you want to pencil in some free time on the 31st. More details are coming soon, so stay tuned on our e-mail list.

If you don't know about our e-mail list, I'm going to tell you how to join it and why you should join it now. I'm going to give you three reasons why you should join our e-mail list today, by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the homepage. There's some amazing stuff that's only available to our e-mail subscribers, so be sure to sign up and join the e-mail list today.

First, you're going to get an awesome free guide that we created based on listener demand. This is our most popular guide and it's called how to organize and remember everything, which you can get completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide. You got to sign-up to find out by, joining the e-mail list today. Next you're going to get a curated weekly e-mail from us every week called Mindset Monday. Our listeners have been absolutely loving this e-mail; it's short, it's simple, it's filled with articles, videos, stories, things we found interesting or fascinating in the last week.

Lastly, you're going to get exclusive content and a chance to shape the show. You can help us vote on guests, you can help us change our intro music and much more. You can even submit your own questions to upcoming guests. You'll also have access to exclusive giveaways that only people who are on the e-mail list get access to and much, much more. Be sure to sign up and join the e-mail list, there's some incredible stuff, but only subscribers who on the e-mail list are getting access to this awesome information.

In our previous episode, we discussed how to build self-control and self-esteem. We looked at what happens when you lose control, and how to develop the strategies so that you can feel calm and collected in tough situations. We discussed the importance of having an allegiance to reality, shared concrete strategies for building self-esteem, discuss the relationship between pain and fulfillment and shared a strategy for never getting angry again, with our guest Dr. David Lieberman. If you want to learn how to build real self-esteem, listen to that episode.

Now for the show.

[0:03:49.9] MB: Today, we have another awesome guest on the show, Greg McKeown. Greg is an international keynote speaker and the best-selling author of Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less. He's spoken at events around the world, including South by Southwest, interviewing Al Gore at the World Economic Forum, where he served as a young global leader. Greg has worked with some of the largest and most well-known companies in the world and his work has been featured on Fox, NPR, NBC and much more.

Greg, welcome to the Science of Success.

[0:04:18.1] GM: It's terrific to be with you, Matt. Thanks for having me.

[0:04:20.4] MB: Well, we're super excited to have you on the show. As I talked about the pre-show, I'm a tremendous fan of Essentialism, and I think it's such an important philosophy, so I can't wait to dig into it. I'd love to start out with how do smart capable people end up plateauing, or failing, or becoming stuck in their careers and lives?

[0:04:41.7] GM: Well, there's a simple patent that I’ve observed, first in organizations, but then also within the individuals inside of those organizations. It's this that in the early days, they have a series of circumstances that lead them to a point of clarity, where they're doing the right things for the right reasons, for the right at the right time and some of that select. Some of that is deliberate and intentional, but nevertheless they find a point of clarity.

That clarity is so compelling that leads to success. Success breeds options and opportunities, which in turn paradoxically undermines the things that led to success, because it can lead to what Jim Collins has called the undisciplined pursuit of more. In this way, you can actually have a situation where success becomes a catalyst for failure. This is the problem, and the antidote to it is the discipline pursuit of less, or to give another term for this, essentialism.

That's really what I took the time to study and write and bring together in a way I hope is useful, because what we have to do is become successful at success. It's not enough to simply become successful in the first place. Success itself must be managed if people wish to break through to the next level in their lives, or of course, in organizations too.

[0:06:04.5] MB: I think it's such a powerful insight, and one that I've definitely seen in my own life as you become more and more successful, you continue to see opportunities popping up and all of these different things. How do we start to move down that path of the disciplined pursuit of less?

[0:06:19.3] GM: I think that there are really three things that must be done in a continual way, a disciplined pursuit in fact. We have to create space to explore what is essential. We need to develop the skills to gracefully, courageously and compassionately eliminate the non-essentials. Then we need to thirdly, build the routines and the systems to make execution as effortless as possible. That's a continual process; explore, eliminate and execute. Again, explore, eliminate and execute.

It's not one more thing and it's not something you check off and say, “Okay, I'm done with that, move on to the next subject.” To my reading anyway, it's the very work of life, certainly the very work of success, quite literally. The challenge is that the forces of success are such that they tend to leave us off that cycle. We tend to lead us to having too little time to consider what is essential.

We become reactive to all the many good things that are happening, but they're still just the good things. We can become full and cluttered in such a way that there's no longer room for us to evaluate what things we're doing. Where this gets especially complicated now is that it's not just individuals that are going through this paradox of success, it's not just individual organizations you happen to be working in a startup, that's starting to experience a lot of growth and connection in the marketplace. No, it's society and culture at large.

I still maintain a good problem to have, but it is in fact a problem. A society at large is now in a position where it has so many vast options opportunities. It is a literally an exponential increase of options and opportunities for everybody, almost everybody, and even in developing countries. We're all now culturally in a position where our old responses are necessary, but insufficient to this challenge.

People listening to this can test it quickly. They can simply ask themselves whether they ever find themselves being stretched too thin at work, or at home, or beyond. Do they ever feel busy, but not productive? Do they ever feel that sensation of their life being hijacked by other people's agenda, or other disruptions through social media, through news updates and so on? If they say yes to any of those, then they are experiencing exactly the phenomenon that we're talking about.

Now given that environment, this cultural environment could be doubled down upon if you happen to be working in a successful enterprise, could be doubled down upon further, if you yourself been breaking through to the next level at various points in your life up to this point. If that's the circumstance, then you have to act upon your life, you have to act upon what is going on in these deliberate ways. Now I'm going back to the beginning of this answer, which is you have to act on your life to explore what is essential. You must schedule back, put time on the calendar for that.

Just eliminate non-essentials. Meaning, not just eliminating the time wasters, it's not a bad place to begin, but also some of the really good things in your life, some of the good opportunities, because you can't actually do everything. You might be able to do anything, but not everything. You have to act upon your life by creating routines and systems that support what you've identified is being highly important. That's the work. That's the work of again, thinking of a phrase, to become an essentialist. That's what I think is necessary now because of the level of challenge that we've entered.

[0:10:10.8] MB: I want to dig into, I think that's a great point and I want to explore this idea of pursuing, or eliminating opportunities that are good, or exciting, but maybe not just right, or amazing. Before we dig into that, I want to come back to this idea of the current cultural climate around pursuing opportunities and success. I feel like there's so much social pressure right now to constantly be saying yes, to constantly be pleasing people. How do we combat that?

[0:10:41.5] GM: Well, I think first thing to do is to appreciate the size of the change, which I still maintain for all that we have lived through it, we have underestimated the fundamental change to use Peter Drucker's term in the human condition. That the expansion of choices has not been incremental, it hasn't been a 10% increase in options and opportunities. It's not even a 100%. Think how dramatic that would be.

Think if you went back into let’s say 1800, United States 1800s and you were to take somebody almost certainly working in agriculture. Completely consumed with the natural processes and there’s a lot of work to be done, don't get me wrong in such an environment. If you could just take that day, we think about the absence of disruption that a person would have experienced. Now they've got lots going on, but I mean, the work to be done is largely known at the beginning of the day.

Something is unexpected, things are going to come up. If somebody wants to disrupt you, they must come and find you in person. They can send a letter, okay this is it now. Tey can send you a letter or they can physically be there. This is the only disruption that's coming to you. The flow of information would be compared to now so slow.

Now imagine if you were to instantly in a second, nano second, snap your fingers and produce for them the number of opportunities and information updates and platform of communication that we're experiencing now, and you did it instantly. Well, what would happen to that person, to that family? I mean, what level of shock are you going to produce for them? Try to explain to them the number of options they have. They want to buy new seed for their agriculture and you go, “Okay, well there's literally a million different things that you can do from a million different places. There’s just so many options.”

The shock would be in my view, tremendous. The implication of going through that story for a moment is that we have got to shift more deliberately than we're thinking we need to. We must become far, far more selective in what we go after. You can think about this on a continuum. You can say, “Okay, 1 to a 100, things that are 1 out of a 100 important are not important.” These are complete trivia.

It may be worse than trivia. I mean, these things are taken away from things that are even basically important. They're doing you damage, there they're destroying your discernment, their addictive behaviors in one form or another. They're highly unimportant, non-essential. The other extreme, you've got a 100%. I mean, these things are vital. These things would matter. If you didn't do them, they would they would affect everything for the rest of your lives. They might affect intergenerationally what happens in your relationships, in your into general relation with family. Well, these things will matter for a hundred years.

Okay, now you've got this continuum now. The challenge is that, this follows a bell curve pattern, where the majority of the ideas, options, opportunities, activities that we could explore are in the center. This is 50%, 60%, 70% out of a 100%. These are good things. You can make a case for them, every item you think well, that's a good thing that's useful. You might even call it a worthy cause, a worthy pursuit.

The nature of the challenge is that you cannot possibly do them all. You can't even possibly do a fraction, not even 5% of the things that [inaudible 0:14:21.5]. Not even 1%. You have to make choices, and here's where it gets difficult is if that doesn't sound difficult enough, is that my experience with this is that there is enough work to be done, 90% to a 100% on the scale. There is enough work there to fill the rest of our lifetime.

The implication of that is that any time that I am and almost every day I am participating in activities that are less than 90% out of a 100%, then I am taking something away from my essentialist life. I'm trading off something more important for something less important. It creates this tension, which I think is a healthy tension that we can't just pick up an opportunity, an idea and say, let's look at this of ours. Is it a valuable thing? Is it a good thing? Is it an interesting thing? Those are good questions, but they're insufficient.

We have to ask instead, is this the very best use of me? Is this highly important? Is this the most important thing that I can be doing right? To train ourselves, to think like this, so that at least we pause to figure out whether in fact this is what we should be doing, at least we pause again, to explore is this viable? We might still say, well for other reasons, I'm just going to do it. We might say, well it's important to this other person and they're quite important to me. It’s still too expensive in unintended consequences for me to suddenly not do this, but nevertheless we're pausing and thinking about. Otherwise, our lives can be consumed with a trivial many, instead of consumed with the vital few. 

[0:16:05.0] MB: For somebody who's listening, who thinks to themselves, “I can have it all. I can do all this stuff. I can execute on all these different projects and priorities and multitask and achieve all these things,” either a listener who thinks that, or even someone who's listening who has something like that in their lives, how do you, or how would you break through to them, or communicate that message to them that that's just not possible?

[0:16:28.0] GM: Well, I think that one answer is that this is really what I was gathering and trying to articulate in my book Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less was deliberately to try and gather evidence of the problem and also the antidote, so that people could start to see what is hidden in plain sight. This is one of the main reasons that I wrote it was to shine a light on this, to amplify this voice in our lives, because non-essentialism is a pre-existing voice. This is the default setting for our lives right now.

Most people that are choosing the non-essentialist lifestyle and strategy have never done that deliberately. They haven't said, “What I want to do is double down on doing everything that's good, and max that out, so that I can't even see or discern the vital few.” I don't think people are choosing like that. It's a default choice, a default setting. They just were born in this environment. We weren't born in pre-industrial age era. We were born in this environment. This is so normal and as mnemonic animals, as copiers, humans, copiers, we just watch what other people do and we just got on with it. We just did what they did.

Maybe it happened different. Maybe we moved into an organization, which is going well, what people doing. Yeah, we didn't for very long saying what really matters. What's the most important work I could be doing right now? No, we just said, “Well, what is everyone else doing? Everyone else is busy, everyone else is running around, everybody else is just responding to an e-mail, everyone's reacting.”

I think there's a default assumption that they must be doing that very deliberately. That is a strategic choice they've made. Of course, if I want to move up in the organization, if I were to get ahead in my career, I ought to do whatever else is doing. This is a do what other people are doing strategy. This is the norm and we're unaware of the full price of doing that, because everybody's doing it, and because we're in what I would describe a busyness bubble.

In all busyness bubbles, for a time, it looks the strategy that people are pursuing is working in the short-term, results take time to show. Just like in the real estate bubble, for a time it looks well the people who are buying five houses with no money down, those are the ones getting the advantage. How about I do the same thing? We double down on a strategy, that's actually fundamentally bad, fundamentally false, non-essentialism, which is the undisciplined pursuit of more.

This idea that if I can shove it all into my schedule, fit it all and I can have it all. Has only one inconvenient element to it and that is based on a lie, it's based on false assumptions. It's just, actually the research doesn't support it at all. This is non-scientific position. This is non-credible, this is a fact free position, but it has been sold to us and it’s been sold to incessantly and has become a factor of our culture, to the extent that people are living this way as I've said in a default way.

I think the first thing to do is to in a sense, it's the name non-essentialism and to shine a light on it. To ask ourselves, is it producing the reward it promises? Is it producing, is non-essentialism, this pursuit of trying to do everything for everybody without really thinking about it, is that strategy producing breakthrough results, high contribution, personally satisfying and great contribution to others and really highly meaningful relationship with the people that matter most? Is it producing that?

If it's producing that, if non-essentialism is producing that for you, for the person listening, then I said continuing it. Forget everything I'm saying. If it produces what it's promising, then keep going. In fact, I might even say a little tongue-in-cheek here, to double down on it. Sleep less, don't sleep at all in fact. Do everything that everyone's doing, do everything that you see people are doing on social media, do it all, double down on the strategy, see if it continues to produce what is promised.

What I think people will find, I think there's a few in fact, very few people that will argue this point. There's not much organ rejection of this, that non-essentialism does not give what it says it will give. Yes, because it's been sold, doesn't mean it's real. Just because it's continually sold, doesn't make it more real.

I was just talking to somebody just the other day, how are you – See, when I first came to America by the way, if you ask people how they're doing, what they said is good, or great, fine. It took longer certainly in the last 10 years when you ask people how they're doing, now they say busy. Hate it, busy. There's all in fact, this all flavors of busy, “Oh, I'm busy, busy. Great, but busy. I'm super, super, super busy, but I’m super great.” There’s all flavors of this.

This woman I was speaking to, she said, “Greg, I'm so busy I’ve slept an average four hours a night for the last two weeks. That’s how busy I am.” She's smiling. Why is she's smiling? I think that she was boasting, that's what I think. She didn't say it, but I think she was saying, “Greg, I hate to break it to you. I'm just a little more important than you are. I slept on average only four hours, because I'm under such great command.” Is it?

That's culture speaking. That her believing risk is an evidence itself of success, you both because busyness is a value, in the busyness bubble, busyness is a value. It’s become a value. It doesn't mean it's real, but that's what people are buying into. It's an overvalued assets, just like the real estate was in the real estate bubble.

Let's look at the science behind it. Is it true? I mean, is it true that if you sleep less that you increase your productivity? Does one hour less sleep as she seems to be in part, equal one hour more productivity? I know of no great in scientific life in that, cultural life in that. I mean, if you sleep, we'd never say we would. We would never say this employer over here, absolutely marvelous. The way they are the way they make decisions drunk all the time. They’re drunk, it's marvelous. The quality of a decision-making, marvelous and inebriated like that.

We never say that thing. Yet, the science shows that we are physiologically and psychologically the same as when we're drunk when we're sleeping four hours a night, notwithstanding this total hero fallacy that if you're sleeping four hours a night, that's what it means. That's the Uber woman, that's the Superman. That is not to say that’s totally utterly non-scientific position. Eric Anderson, who of course was studied top performance. This is the same study that Malcolm Gladwell popularized in outliers calling it the 10,000 hour rule. The 10,000 hour rule was basically look, within this service simplification of the underlying research, but basically says that if you want to master something, you spend more hours doing it.

Approximately 10,000 hours to become a exceptional PNS, violinist, exceptional in a variety of areas. Now if you look back at the research as I have, say not Malcolm Gladwell's work on it, but the actual underlying research. What you find is that the second most highly correlated item to distinguish top performers from good performance, that is to say what is the second most difficult thing is the biggest single difference between good performance and highest performance is the number of hours of sleep they got.

Who would guess this? Who would select this? An environment where sleep is easy? Get up.  You got to be productive. It's about how much you do, it’s how much you step in, it’s how much how busy you are. How many hours of sleep was the second highest correlated item? The highest performers were getting eight and a half hours sleep on average in every 24-hour period. That means they were sleeping more at night and more naps than their average performing counterparts, even the good performers.

As an exception, performance is correlated with sleep. That's just one illustration. Essentialism isn't about sleep. It's about discerning what matters. It means eliminating what doesn't, it means building a system to support those things. It's an illustration, because sleep is critical, vital for discernment. If you want to discern between the vital many and the trivial – the vital few and the trivial many, you go to sleep. It's not the only thing, it's not sufficient, but you've got to sleep, because then you start to be able to discern it. If you aren't sleeping, then they're not going to be sustainably top performers. They're just burning out their ability to prioritize in order for a short-term win in some instant increase in productivity for just a moment on some project and so on.

That's fine. Maybe you can do it for a couple of days like this, but it very quickly discernment goes down to the point that you'll be working on the wrong things. You make your list of all the things to do, you'll start working on them, but you're working on the wrong things. That's where essentialism really comes in, because it's not about doing more things. It's not about doing more things. It's doing more of the right things. That to me is what essentialism is and that's key to thriving a breaking through to the highest point of contribution in today's environment. It's all about your ability to discern what should be done at all, not just busily jumping into the work of doing.

[0:25:03.6] MB: Let's dig in. I think that was a great example. Sleep is obviously so important, we know for listeners who want to get into that more, we have an incredible interview with Dr. Matthew Walker is one of the world's top sleep experts, where we go super deep into sleep and strategies for in all kinds of stuff.

Before we dig into some of the strategies for determining what's essential and figuring that out, I really want to dig into how do we break out of this culture that says, “Oh, it's more important to be busy. Oh, I constantly want to be putting that front on,” and maybe a specific contextualization of this, is let's say we have a boss who constantly comes up with non-essential projects and distractions and wants you to constantly be focused on those and working on them?

[0:25:50.8] GM: Well, I think the first thing to do is to build your essentialist muscles in the things that you can control. Even though you gave me a perfectly reasonable situation, I still want to remind people to start where they – build a routine around the first power of your morning. That right now if you're reaching to your phone first, you're giving up a lot of power, not only to this hypothetical boss, but to many other things and influences in your life.

In this way, you can drip by drip give up power to other people, to the point that they really are dictating the prioritization of your whole life, not just of this particular interaction, or a series of requests that a boss might make projects that you think maybe aren't the most useful valuable way to spend your time and resources.

I think it's a non-trivial point to raise is that first, build habits and routines around the things you ought to be able to control. If you don't do that in an environment that we have right now, this spot scenario can be in charge of your whole life. I don't mean that – that's not even hypothetically. I was at a event a while ago and the executive in question was talking, taking questions, globally recognized CEO. They're talking about work-life balance.

They just said, “Oh, yeah. I just – I have not.” They said I spend – I just gave that up 20 years. I just decided I wouldn't see my family for 20 years. I mean, they are saying this. I thought it was a sense refreshing, because at least they're being real. Some of these, “Well, what about the people you work with?” They said “Oh, yeah. Everybody bleeds blue just like me.” They said, if I call my – if I take e-mail, not call. If I e-mail my assistant at 3 in the morning, they respond to me by 3:03.

Then said that, “Isn't that right?” They point to the back of the room, there’s about 50 person in the room and all heads turned. Who are they talking to? There are assistants right there. What is the assistant going to say? “Yes, that's what I. Yup, that's what –” We're all going, my goodness. Is this really happening? Is this being established as the norm in the organization that this person has so little control of their time and space that any time belongs to the institution?

This is why I'm saying, I think that the place to begin is where is reasonable and sensible and perfectly right for a person to have control, and start there, so that you build buffer into your life and protection. For an excellent analysis of exactly what I'm describing, here you can look at a book that I really like. It's come out recently, called Great Work, which is a study of 5,000 workers and trying to identify that the tactics and strategies that distinguish the top performers from the good performers. It’s good to great for individual employees.

He finds that the top performers, this is the principle, it’s very essential this principle and says that, first less than obsessed. They identify what fewer things to pursue and go big on, and then obsess over them, so they get them done well and superbly well. Then he also found that we didn't originally go out to study this, he also found that that strategy at work also bled over and resulted in better work-life balance.

This mindset, now these are my words now, the essentialist mindset, if you adopt it, if you implement it personally and professionally, both areas can win. This is the value proposition of essentialism, in fact. You can end up doing more important work at work and also have better boundaries and better work to be able to do work in your personal life, and to be more focused there as well. That's what this new research supports, that's what it shows.

Now all of that is context for the question you actually asked, and I don't want to miss the answer of it. The answer is in that scenario to begin a process in that there, in that moment, maybe all you can do in that moment is produce a tiny pores, depends how bad the situation is, depends how non-essential is the boss is, that non-essential the culture is that your team and your work and so on. At first, you might just be able to create a pause and just go, “Hey, listen. Of course, I'm happy to do whatever you'd like to ask, but can we just talk about this for just a second? Is this the most important project that we have, or can we just look at all the different projects you've asked me to do and let's just look at them and just prioritize them. Actually, I've already done that. Here's what I think it you would say with some various important things. Can we talk about this? Let’s validate this.”

Just a little more just to say is that the project that you just talked about is that more important than this item that's number one, number two that's on this list? Because I think I could do a superb job on number one and number two, but I don't think I can do a superb job of all these five, six, seven, whatever number projects. I just want to talk about that and let's understand what the best use of time and resources is.

I think that's in the short-term something that can be done. I've done that personally, specifically had that conversation. In my case, it went well. My file leader said, “Okay, the most important job is this. That's definitely the one I want you to focus on. Let me come back to you in a bit and we’ll organize this to make sure you have sufficient time for that.” I ended up having a full year focused on that single initiative, and it was very successful and it was simply wouldn't have been if I'd had to spare all my resources around across five different projects as it would have happened if I just reactively said yes.

I'm not advocating did you reactively say no to people, that you just without thinking about it start saying no to your boss, your boss's boss. No, this could be very career limiting move. I do think if you want to go from being an order taker, an overwhelmed order taker I might say, to a trusted advisor, then you have to pause, you have to pause in the conversation, and you need to be able to bring the reality of trade-offs and the reality of essentialism into the conversation. If you want to pause a little longer than that, if you're able to depending on the relationship, you might actually say, “Look, I've been reading this book. This Essentialism. Let's have the team read it,” because what will happen if you do that –

Well, this is based on the practical practitioner work of implementing these ideas in organizations is that the more people that are reading this together, it means that people start to, it’s almost wake up from this odd non-essential extreme, in which they believed, or at least pretended to believe that they could actually do everything.

Once you wake up from that, you go, “Oh, my goodness. Well, we're not having the right conversation, or we're not working on the right things. Let's work out together, put the right things on.” Suddenly, you can actually have a whole culture shift. It can be incredibly profitable for an institution, incredibly good for people's work-life balance as they actually create an essentialist culture, because they're able to have an essentialist conversation.

[0:32:33.7] MB: A corollary of that that I want to dig into, and I know something you've written and talked a lot about, it's a whole chapter in the book. This is something personally I struggle with, which is why I'm curious, how do we say no to people in a graceful way? Especially for somebody like me, I’m a people pleaser and I always want to say yes and go with the easy, short-term feeling of making somebody happy, or saying yes to their commitment. How do we build that muscle and that ability to say no, or how do we say no in the right way?

[0:33:05.7] GM: Well, the first thing I want to say, even though I definitely write about in the book graceful no’s and so on, is that I didn't write a book called noism. I've learned I have to emphasize that, because otherwise, it's just so emotionally charged for people the idea of saying no. It's almost the only thing they hear. “Oh, my goodness. I got to start donating everything. That's going to be so damaging. I'm so scared of doing that.” They either don't do it, or they do do it and then that causes a slight – can cause problems.

The key is to have conversations with people about what is essential. The key is to get the conversation being about that, what's the most important thing that we could be doing, so that that is what gives drive, gives courage and it also helps us to balance the compassion necessary to be able to say as often as possible together, well of course, if we do these things and that and can't be done. It's just there's not room for it, not resources for it. We want to do what we're doing and do it well.

As far as you can, the most graceful no is in fact saying yes to something more important. If you can do that together with somebody, then then in fact, the no doesn't feel like the emotion charge no that we often associate with a three-year-old saying no that their parent, the 13-year-old saying no as a teenager to their parent. These are quite unattractive social interactions, and that's our experience with no.

I think the best no is actually this yes that I'm describing yes to a bigger yes, yes do it more essential yes. I think the second thing to realize is that where we can help people cause? We do have an obligation to help people. We want to make a contribution. This isn't selfishism. This is contribution that we're trying to make a higher contribution. I do find in my own like to user from Adam Grant’s research. Adam is a friend of mine and his book Give and Take, I got my favorite ideas there and something that I share a commitment to is the idea of five-minute favors.

If you can do something within five minutes for somebody, it's good to do it, especially if it's something that you uniquely can do for somebody, that it's a particular help for them. What I would call maybe discipline giving, and essentialism is about a disciplined pursuit of what's essential. There's a place for disciplined generosity and discipline giving, but where his research and mine overlaps and supports each other is that if you have undisciplined giving, even undisciplined service, even for how tremendously positive I feel about service, I think that's our life should be serviced.

If it becomes undisciplined, reactive, if it becomes that then it can actually – it can in some cases do damage. If we're doing for people things that they really can do for themselves, it can, it can create scenarios, where we're actually breeding a problem, not solving it. I'm not helping people to become self-reliant as we ought to.

I think that the answer as I say is to find, to discuss together, to counsel together, in order to figure out what the essence should be and therefore, what the trade-off should be. I think that go beyond that, to say, “Okay, how can I give these five-minute favors? How can I help in a disciplined way?” Then of course, there are circumstances finally now where the answers needs to be no and should be no and can be no. I would love to do that. Thanks for thinking of me for various reasons, I won't be able to. Maybe next time.

You can say, especially where you have a lot of influence, a lot of control in the situation, “Oh, let me take a rain check about. I love to be about you, but not possible.” A friend of mine wondered, texted me and wondered whether I'd like to train together for a marathon. Thought about it and I responded, nope. Then it made him laugh and that was the end of that.

You don't have to do it, that's because it's a good thing. No way that my life – I would have been trading a lot more important things to just start training for that, given the other things I was already committed to. There are circumstance where simply a no is fine, especially if you've built the relationship over time, so it can sustain it. You want to be in relationships and to be in habits with people that are sustainable. Otherwise, you're already out. It's already over, just not yet.

In an unsustainable relationships of personally, or professionally are already over, in anything like the long run, by definition unsustainable. They cannot be perpetuated. You need to get to the place where they are healthy, that you can give and take, that you can say no, but they can say no. Otherwise, the relationship is already fraught with a fundamental weakness and the fault and the relationship will eventually undermine everything else in the relationships. I think this is why highly mature relationships, parents place courage and compassion in being able to negotiate the no, in a way that potentially can even build the relationship over time.

[0:37:37.0] MB: I think you raised a really, really critical point too, which is to me one of the cornerstones of understanding essentialism, is that it's not about being selfish. It's about commitment and it's about creating the biggest possible impact on creating results. The reality is and the research shows that the best possible way to create the biggest impact, create the most results is to focus on less and do a really good job of it.

[0:38:04.5] GM: Yeah, that's absolutely right. There's two ways of thinking about essentialism. One, too Maslow's hierarchy of needs; you can think about it as he originally might have suggested we do. The highest level of the pyramid, we’re all familiar with it, I'm sure the highest point was self-actualization. In certain times when people read essentialism, they read it from that lens. Okay this is about self-actualization. This is just about what is going to maximize my benefit in life, my pursuit in life, maybe even my first degree happiness in life.

Towards the end of Maslow’s life, he changed it, but not in time for the books that he’d already published the pyramid as he had written about it earlier on in his life. In the end he changed it, and it changed it to self-transcendence. That he believe there was a higher need than self-actualization. That's just exactly how I feel about essentialism, but if you read it from a self-actualization perspective, that I think it can deteriorate into a sense of well, this mess to me, it doesn't do too bad. I'm doing it and whatever the consequences are, let them be.

I think that it's a much wiser perspective to take. In fact, the one that I intended in writing it, that this is about your highest contribution. It's inherently self-transcendent. It's about saying what's more important than your own ego, own pride, own short-termism. That's the breeding ground for much of the non-essential activity of our lives, in fact. That we’re just trying to compete with our neighbors with our keeping up appearances, that this ego-driven activity is in fact totally non-essential, won't pass the test a 100 years from now, would be worth nothing at all, just total distraction from what actually mattered.

Might not be a 100 years, might be two weeks from now we'll notice that this wasn't important work. The whole lens of essentialism, I believe is self-transcending. A lot of that is in the, is in the eye of the beholder. The reader must decide how they're viewing what's on the page and if they're caught up in the idea of self-actualization, as I think a lot of people can and intentionally be in the peak performance culture. Then they'll read it in a certain way and apply it in a certain way.

I always want to emphasize this now that it's about difference-making. It's about how do you have the maximum impact for good. Now that's meaningful. One of the tests I just demonstrated a moment ago, but it's one I didn't write with Essentials, but I really believe I think there's a lot more work that could be done, what I think I will do it is around this hundred-year-frame that says, that breaks the paradigm that I think has many of us controlled.

The paradigm that has many of us controlled is what I now call birth until death thinking, sort of be that you’re thinking right, which is that we're saying even these questions we're talking about, even the idea of making a contribution if you think about it from birth until death, you're going, “Okay. What's the best use of me in my life?” Then it grows into what we think of as the most enlightened view, which is what's the legacy that I'm going to leave?

I think all of that is slaved to the same basic paradigm, even legacy thinking, I think still it's like stretches, but doesn't break the bounds of the birth until death thinking. Here's where birth until death thinking is such an inhibitor, it stops us from seeing our lives in anything like the right perspective.

It clouds and twists all other evaluations of our lives. As if we are the great story of humanity. It's me, it’s Greg McKeown. I'm at the center of the story. Like I'm at the center of the story, it's absurd. It's absurdism to believe that. I mean, a hundred years ago no one is thinking about me, hundred years from now no one will remember my name, my great-grandchildren won't remember my name.

I mean, if history is to be believed, because most people listening to this will not be able to even name the first and last names of all eight of their great-grandparents, won't even name them. If you can't remember the names, you don't know much about them. That's what it's going to be true for us, but that's not a depressing thought to me, because that's only depressing if you believe in birth until thinking, if you think that's the right claim.

I think if you want through, discerning really what's essential in this higher 90th percentile area. If you're trying to discern between things that are really good and things that are actually essential, then you say what will matter when I'm no longer in the picture? That's why a hundred years is such an important know that we won't be here, but our impact will still flow from us. The impact of doing, or not doing any number of things will be immense to us a hundred years from now.

The people come after it would still be impacted by this impact, will outlast memory. This is just a thought experiment, I suppose at this point, but it's an important one as people try to work out what really is essential, what's just good, what's non-essential? I recommend if you ask that question, that tests, a hundred-year question, what will really matter hundred years from now? If you do every 90 days you ask that question, in a personal quarterly off-site. You’re doing tremendous good in being able to actually transcend this self-actualization model.

You start to go, “Okay, it’s not about me. Therefore, what matters? Not what matters in my little world, not what matters in my part of the story. I'm just a little verse in the great narrative, intergenerational narrative I'm a part of.” It's a much humbler and more empowering perspective than to be subconsciously, but constantly consumed with the idea of how I fit in to the big story and it would be about me.

That's a very relieving place to get to. I think that this was a perspective as I say, goes beyond what I wrote in the book, helps to elevate the subject and helps to say, or maybe somebody listening is going, “Okay, yeah. This is a bit heavy. It’s a bit big for me. I just got to pay the bills and going to figure out the next thing.” It's not just a first-world problem to think like this. This is what we need to do to be able to not waste our lives.

Paradoxically, if you don't want to waste your life, you have to think about the world without your life being there. As you forget, as you turn down the volume of me in my story and I start to be able to discover actually a higher truer contribution, and I can start to eliminate more and more if I really am not and more and more what just doesn't even matter, and so that more and more of the real self can actually come forward. It's a paradox, because as you said, get rid of, you lose these scales of non-essential self.

You actually become your truest self. You’re no longer in the game of competition, in comparison, it just consumes us and uses up so much of our time and energy and resources. Just get to be in the business of contribution, making a difference. I think this is what Gandhi did in India. I think that he became an essentialist, because he became consumed with thinking about the other, what would happen in his country after him? He became the father of India without ever holding any political position, it’s extraordinary. How did he do it?

I was in South Africa where he lived for 23 years, where he was first beginning his civil rights work and he took on the South African government. It was successful. It took him a long time, but I was there speaking at an event and I went to the Phoenix settlement, where he lived for those 23 years. I was given a poem. I recall it was the only poem that he ever told, it's the only poem he ever wrote. Then account these words, think of these words, reducing oneself to zero. 

Now that's what he did. That's what it was all about and he reduced himself to zero. What took his place? It wasn't a nihilistic point of view, it wasn't like nothing matters. It was that, is that a very few things matter. In his case, a singular purpose, singular purpose bring independence to the largest democracy in the world. That was what it was about.

Not about him. In fact, he was able to rid everything from his life. He eliminated all the stuff, all the clutter, physical clutter from his life, died with only 10 items to his name, and that's a really deliberate choice. He could have made a very different choice. He wanted to be so singularly focused on purpose, what it would really – was he built – what did he have to contribute, and he wasn't then have to be so consumed in himself anymore, his own story anymore. He's liberated from all that nonessential junk, reduced himself to zero, that he became consumed with purpose.

That takes so much humility, but what a gift humility can be. I mean, pride and ego says it’s not a friend. It just clouds a judgment, cloud that activity so deeply. When Gandhi died, the US Secretary of State, the same General Marshall, he said here's a man who said that – shown humility and simple truth is more powerful than empires. What a thing to say, quite a thing to say that that much power, that much contribution, that much impact comes from that source, humility and simple truth.

Think of it, compare that to the nonsense of self-actualization that says, it's all about the stuff, it's all about what you succeed and what you've gained, what you've won and what you've got, how you can demonstrate that. It's a totally different game. It's a completely different game and he was playing by those rules by the time that he died.

Einstein said of Gandhi, he said the generations to come will scarce, believe that such a one as this ever in flesh and blood walk the promised earth. It’s just essentialism, just applied essentially until it consumed him. The endless disciplined pursuit, he called it my experiments with truth, but he might have called it my experiments with essentialism; the endless pursuit, the elimination of all the things that weren't actually adding to the purpose of his life.

It’s a story almost nobody knows about. I interviewed his grandson and told me about Aaron Gandhi, he said – Aaron was living in South Africa when Gandhi was his grandfather's back in India doing all this experimentation, taking on the British government in the way that he did, and was beaten up as teenager for being too black, because it was still in the middle of apartheid there. Then later by a different group, being too white.

You can really imagine how angry that would leave a youth and it left him really angry. His grandfather said to come and live with me. In the midst of all of this noise and you can see that this comes out of the perspective, it's not about me perspective, self-transcendence perspective, that he said come live with me. I'll make time for this. I got heads of state wanting a piece of me, but I can discern by this point, my life something meant for a long time, something's don't, and this is something that matters.

He went and lived with his grandfather. Aaron told me, he listened to me for an hour a day for a year and a half, is really – that is essentialism in practice right there. Be able to discern that, be able to sense this will matter 100 years from now, this will really matter. Well it's not been quite a hundred years yet, but tremendous part of Gandhi's legacy is it's being impacted by his grandson, who started the nonviolent Institute for – of Mahatma Gandhi. He's gone on to continue that legacy, the highest form of it. It may be more important than any of that, he just said, he said this whole life was transformed, changed by being listened to and affirmed in that way.

This is all just to say that we're not supposed to be Gandhi. That's not the point of bags. The story, that example, but what it looks like, what it can look like if we allow this to not be one more thing, not one more podcast we're listening to right now, not just one more, oh and I should remember that too, but we say this could become the trust of my life. I could actually change it a core to believe that the most important thing to do is to figure out what the most important thing is to do, and to do it.

That can become the core of our life to pursue what's essential and eliminate what's not. That's the idea. We could start in small ways, of course this is the only way to start any kind of change, small ways, but the mindset shift can happen, the heart set chip can change, so that we actually spend the totality of our life pursuing and executing on what matters most to us. Instead of thhe majority of our life reacting with a non-essential stuff, and only occasionally remembering that the most important stuff is not getting done.

That shift can happen, that shift can happen. I've seen it happen for people. I've seen it continually changing me. I'm off track still many, many, many times, every day, but I've seen the shift happened to me, and I've seen it happen for other people. The data is there and people have a choice to make. I don't think they’ll ever regret choosing to become an essentialist.

[0:49:47.0] MB: What a powerful example and in really showcases the – what can happen when you when you push this idea and take it to the extreme, the incredible impact that it can have. I'm curious and you touched on this a little bit, talking about the power of small wins and how that's really the only way to get started. For listeners who want to implement essentialism into their lives, what's a concrete way to get started, or to determine what is essential, their routines or strategies that they can implement to begin down this journey?

[0:50:18.0] GM: I developed a 21-day essentialism challenge that you can make available to. There's a download as part of this podcast, if you'd like. That really gives a series of very small change that people can start to make towards this end. I think among them is there’s beginning a very tiny, but daily reflection in a general – I have two grandfather's as all of us do, and one of them and he died, I was struck by how nothing, a very little at least seemed to leave behind of who he was. That I was surprised by how little I knew about him, even though I talked to him many times and taken the time I thought to know him. So much of it, once he died, I thought, my goodness I’m not even really sure I can tell you like his best friend were.

So much of that was just in his own mind, and I just took for granted. As soon as he's gone, he takes a limit. My other grandfather right before he passed away, I was thinking, reflecting on the same thing, but he gave me a copy of a journal that he'd been writing. He'd written this one or two sentences every two or three days for 50 years, one journal, one book. How much more I knew, how much more I could connect the dots, because of that.

That's something I would recommend people do to start to implement these different things we're saying, every day one sentence. Don't write five pages. In fact, for at least 90 days, you're not allowed to write more than one sentence, but you write every single day, no matter how late it is, no matter how early you get up the next morning, you write one sentence. At first, I don't even care what it is that you write. Over time, this will evolve, over time you might write what's the most important thing that I learned today. What's the most important memory, I think I'd like to have. Maybe you would write some days what's the most important decision I've made today. 

Certainly you can use that tiny increment to add something more and more valuable, but at first just a habit over time. I mean, I decided to do this and I've been journaling for 20 years, now more. Over seven years ago, I decided I just no longer want to miss a single day. I haven’t since then. As far as I can recall, I haven't missed one day since then. Now I write a lot more and I've developed a whole process for whatever nice and whatever flag to use for planning as well, most days.

I have a whole process for what to do. The magic of pen and paper and having a reflection is my favorite tool, is my favorite technology. I think about the habit will open up a whole world of value to people, because of precisely what the journal can't do, as well as what it can do. This can’t distract you in the way that technology does and can. That's huge bonus in this environment. That's one thing I would really encourage people to do.

[0:52:54.7] MB: Where can listeners find you and your work online?

[0:52:59.9]  GM: They can go to gregmckeown.com and they can find me on social media and so on, and just keep continuing this journey together.

[0:53:08.6] MB: Well, Greg. Thank you so much for coming on the show for sharing a powerful story about Gandhi, but also all of the lessons of essentialism. As I said, I really think it's a fundamentally important strategy and tool and something that I think about a lot and structure my days around. I'm so glad that we were able to have you on the show to share all this knowledge and wisdom.

[0:53:30.9] GM: Matt, it's been a pleasure. Thank you.

[0:53:32.5] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you our listeners master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story, or just say hi, shoot me an e-mail. My e-mail is matt@successpodcast.com. That’s M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener e-mail.

I'm going to give you three reasons why you should sign up for our e-mail list today by going to successpodcast.com, signing up right? on the homepage. There are some incredible stuff that’s only available to those on the e-mail list, so be sure to sign up, including an exclusive curated weekly e-mail from us called Mindset Monday, which is short, simple, filled with articles, stories, things that we found interesting and fascinating in the world of evidence-based growth in the last week. 

Next, you're going to get an exclusive chance to shape the show, including voting on guests, submitting your own personal questions that we’ll ask guests on air and much more. Lastly, you’re going to get a free guide we created based on listener demand, our most popular guide, which is called how to organize and remember everything. You can get it completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide by signing up and joining the e-mail list today. Again, you can do that at successpodcast.com, sign up right? at the homepage, or if you're on the go, just text the word “smarter”, S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44222. 

Remember, the greatest compliment you can give us is a referral to a friend either live or online. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us an awesome review and subscribe on iTunes because that helps boost the algorithm, that helps us move up the iTunes rankings and helps more people discover the Science of Success. 

Don't forget, if you want to get all the incredible information we talked about in the show, links transcripts, everything we discussed and much more, be sure to check out our show notes. You can get those at successpodcast.com, just hit the show notes button right at the top. 

Thanks again, and we'll see you on the next episode of the Science of Success.

May 24, 2018 /Lace Gilger
Focus & Productivity
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Five Things You Never Knew About Building Real Self Esteem with Dr. David Lieberman

May 17, 2018 by Lace Gilger in Emotional Intelligence

In this episode we discuss how to build self control and self esteem. We look at what happens when you lose control - and how to develop the strategies so that you can feel calm and collected in tough situations. We discuss the importance of having an “allegiance to reality,” share concrete strategies for building self esteem, discuss the relationship between pain and fulfillment - and discuss how you can never get angry again with our guest Dr. David Lieberman.

Dr. David Lieberman is a New York Times bestselling author and expert in the fields of human behavior and interpersonal relationships. His most recent work Never Get Angry Again dives into the science behind our emotions and how we can stay calm in any situation. His work has been featured on ABC, The Today Show, NPR, Entrepreneur and more.

  • Why do people get angry? What’s at the root of anger?

  • At the core of anger is a feeling of vulnerability

  • Anger is a sensation that we aren’t good enough, that we’re being rejected, that we’re powerless 

  • When we become angry the brain releases a number of neurotransmitters and hormones - and it gives us the illusion of feeling in control

  • The psychology at the foundation of anger

  • As our self esteem erodes, we like ourselves less, we get angrier

  • The degree that we don’t like ourselves, the more we need other people to validate us, engaging the ego

  • When someone is angry - it's about them, its not about you

  • The core of anger is fear and a fear of losing control

  •  Anger creates the illusion of control

  • People with low self esteem are often the most controlling people - because they need to be able to influence things around them, because they feel like they don’t have control of themselves

  • How do you gain self esteem? How do you gain a sense of worthiness?

  • Self control is at the CORE of self esteem. If you can control your own behavior, you begin to build self esteem.

  • How do you build self esteem?

  • Recognize that you’re in pain. Acknowledge and accept that. 

    1. Allegiance to reality at all costs. Don’t pretend that it doesn’t exist. 

    2. Self compassion, not self pity. Don’t beat yourself up more. 

    3. With self love, you begin to grow out of pain. 

    4. Reconnect with who you are. What are you living for?

  • Living being driven by the ego - causes pain and suffering

  • Slow simple progress, moving step by step out of darkness will begin to fuel self esteem 

  • The entire trajectory of our lives can be shaped by our ego

  • Focusing on achieving to win the praise and approval of other people

  • Questions to break through the ego and understand what really matters to you:

  • What would I do if I had all the money I needed?

    1. What would I do if I felt that I couldn't fail?

    2. What would I do if I was unconditionally loved?

  • Neurotics build castles in the sky, psychotics live in them, and psychiatrists charge rent

  • The more engaged in life you are, the more you’re living life, the happier you are. 

  • When you try to avoid stress, you become more and more neurotic. 

  • The beginning of mental health is when you face yourself. 

  • Ask yourself: Where have I been trying to ignore a reality?

  • By ignoring a problem, you end up compounding it and feeling worse and worse about yourself. 

  • The ability to face your pain, to face your obligations and responsibilities, will bring you the greatest degree of happiness. 

  • Seeking comfort and escaping pain increases suffering and moves you further from happiness and healthy relationship with reality and other people 

  • Where have I been inauthentic, where have I been hiding? What story have I been telling myself to keep me from acknowledging my responsibilities and obligations?

  • Transforming from anxious to depressed is accepting responsibility for what we can control. 

  • "Blame mode" conflicts with "solution mode". 

  • Ask: How can I have a greater degree of respect for myself? How can I invest in myself?

  • We live in culture that fosters the idea of not accepting responsibility and blaming other people

  • The way to gain self esteem is to ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY 

  • “The lottery curse” - what is it?

  • Money, intelligence, life experience have no bearing on happiness - just the QUALITY OF OUR CHOICES

  • The power of decision is the power to change your life.

  • Painful experiences ultimately help create meaning in our lives

  • Availability heuristics and self concept. Your self concept is based on how easily you can recall certain memories of you behaving in certain ways. 

  • A simple tool you can use to change your behavior and engineer your personality into certain traits

  • The opposite of pleasure is not pain, it’s comfort

  • Comfort is an escape from life. The more meaning something has, the more pleasure you can extract from it. 

  • There is nothing you can achieve that’s worthwhile, that doesn’t take hard work and pain. 

  • Engage life, live life. As you begin to move forward, you will be invigorated.

  • If you want to feel good, do good. Don’t set out to feel good. 

  • Is there a positive use for anger? Can it be a helpful tool or fuel?

  • You’re much better off being driven and pulled by the pleasure/joy/meaning of what you’re doing, rather than using ego driven anger is the fuel for what you’re doing

  • Anger clouds our ability to think clearly and exercise good judgment

  • How do we deal with anger in the moment?

  • Breathing is “indisputably effective” at dealing with anger in the moment

  • Tilting your neck sends a message to your brain that you are safe

  • Jill Bolte Taylor "90 Second Rule"

  • You can rewire your brain using the science of neuroplasticity

  • Homework: ask yourself - what is the underlying fear? how do I really feel? Why? Have an honest conversation with yourself

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For a limited time, Skillshare is offering our listeners TWO MONTHS OF UNLIMITED CLASSES for only $0.99! That's UNLIMITED classes for two months for only $0.99. Go to www.skillshare.com/success to redeem this incredible offer NOW!

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Again, Skillshare is offering our listeners the incredible deal of two whole months of UNLIMITED classes for only $0.99 so get out there and start learning at www.skillshare.com/success

SHOW NOTES, LINKS, & RESEARCH

  • [Book] Never Get Angry Again: The Foolproof Way to Stay Calm and in Control in Any Conversation or Situation by Dr. David J. Lieberman Ph.D.

  • [Book] Healing Back Pain: The Mind-Body Connection by John E. Sarno

  • [Wiki Article] M. Scott Peck

  • [Wiki Article] Positive psychology

  • [Wiki Article] Martin Seligman

  • [Article] The Biggest Threat Humans Face in 2018 by Matt Bodnar

  • [Book] Moonwalking with Einstein: The Art and Science of Remembering Everything by Joshua Foer

  • [SoS Episode] Research Reveals How You Can Create The Mindset of a Champion with Dr. Carol Dweck

  • [SoS Episode] Profound Insights In Brain Science Revealed During A Stroke? with Dr. Jill Taylor

  • [Instagram] Dr. David Lieberman

  • [Personal Site] Dr. David Lieberman

  • [SoS Episode] Effortlessly Remember Anything – Lessons From A Grandmaster of Memory with Kevin Horsley

  • [SoS Episode] Brain Scans Reveal The Powerful Memory Techniques of Memory Champions, Greek Philosophers, and SuperLearners with Jonathan Levi

Episode Transcript


[0:00:11.8] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success; the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the internet with more than a million downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries and part of the self-help for smart people podcast network.

In this episode, we discussed how to build self-control and self-esteem. We look at what happens when you lose control and how to develop the strategies so that you can feel calm and collected in tough situations. We discussed the importance of having an allegiance to reality, share concrete strategies for building self-esteem, discuss the relationship between pain and fulfillment and share a strategy that will help you never get angry again, with our guest Dr. David Lieberman.

I'm going to give you three reasons why you should join our e-mail list today, by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the homepage. There's some amazing stuff that's only available to our e-mail subscribers, so be sure to sign up and join the e-mail list today.

First, you're going to get an awesome free guide that we created based on listener demand. This is our most popular guide and it's called how to organize and remember everything, which you can get completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide. You got to sign up to find out by joining the e-mail list today.

Next, you're going to get a curated weekly e-mail from us every week called Mindset Monday. Our listeners have been absolutely loving this e-mail. It's short, it's simple, it's filled with articles, videos, stories, things we found interesting, or fascinating in the last week. Lastly, you're going to get exclusive content and a chance to shape the show. You can help us vote on guests, you can help us change our intro music and much more, you can even submit your own questions to upcoming guests, you'll also have access to exclusive giveaways that only people who are on the e-mail list get access to and much, much more. Be sure to sign up and join the e-mail list, there's some incredible stuff, but only subscribers who are on the e-mail list are getting access to this awesome information.

In our previous episode, we discussed what happens when you mistake being busy for creating results. We took a hard look at time management, examined concrete strategies for carving out more time. We looked at the dangers power of defaults in shaping our behavior and how we can use them to our advantage. We examined how to have a healthy relationship with your inbox and much more with our guest, Jake Knapp. If you want to learn how to get more done in less time, listen to that episode.

Now for the show.

[0:02:54.0] MB: Today, we have another exciting guest on the show, Dr. David Lieberman. David is a New York Times bestselling author and expert in the fields of human behavior and interpersonal relationships. His most recent work, never get angry again dives into the science behind our emotions and how he can stay calm in any situation. His work has been featured on ABC, The Today Show, NPR and much more. David, welcome to the Science of Success.

[0:03:18.6] DL: Thanks, Matt. My pleasure.

[0:03:19.6] MB: Well, we're very excited to have you on the show today. I'd love to start out with talking about what are some of the psychological underpinnings of anger. Why people get angry?

[0:03:31.9] DL: Excellent question. One of the reasons why the book has gotten so much attention is because, while you can look at a lot of different branches for anger, whether a person feels threatened, or attacked or frustrated, at the core of it is a feeling of vulnerability, which is why for example, in interpersonal relationships, a person is mocked, or scorned, ridiculed, embarrassed, feels ashamed, these types of things all have their core, their root, at feeling vulnerable.

Ultimately, it's that sensation that we are rejected, that we're not good enough, that were powerless over a situation, or over ability to connect to other people is what causes us to become angry. Now not everyone unleashes anger in the same way. I'm sure we know from our own relationships, some people are over with the anger, they express it very aggressively. Other people, more passive aggressively. They'll get back at you in little ways, other people will suppress it, others shut down; the different masks, or channels for anger. Make no mistake, when we feel powerless, unless we're able to acknowledge those feelings, they're going to manifest in an unhealthy way.

[0:04:40.0] MB: I think that's really interesting, because when you look at anger and you think of someone who's angry with an angry outburst, or whatever, the initial thought, or the way that I would think about it is that somebody who's angry doesn't seem like they're actually hurting, or feeling vulnerable. They seem almost the opposite. They seem very imposing and threatening.

[0:04:59.1] DL: That's right. That's right. See, when we become angry physiologically speaking, the brain releases a number of neurotransmitters and hormones, you've got adrenaline, something called cortisol, which is the stress hormone, also responsible for weight gain. There’s interesting connection there. It is the illusion of feeling in control. Rather than feel fear, the fight, or flight, or freeze response takes over and we become angry as a way to compensate for those feelings of vulnerability.

[0:05:29.0] MB: Tell me a little bit more about that. How does something like, so let's say self-esteem, or self-image play into someone's anger?

[0:05:37.6] DL: Excellent. In a nutshell, here's the psychology that is at the foundation of anger. That's like this. The degree to which a person generally loves themselves, real self-esteem, all right, it’s not to be confused with confidence, with the ego which is a false self. The degree to which a person really truly honestly love themselves recognizes that they are worthy of good things in life, treats other people with respect, themselves with respect on so on, that is the degree to which their ego is not engaged.

As our self-esteem erodes, as we like ourselves less, then the ego engages to compensate for those feelings of guilt, inferiority, shame, insecurity on so on. It's the ego that is a projection of what – how we want the world to see us, and its job is to protect us. The degree to which we don't like ourselves, is the degree to which we need other people to like ourselves, the degree to which we don't respect ourselves, is the degree to which we crave other people to respect us. That's a function of the self-esteem and ego. They're on a seesaw; one goes up, the other goes down.

The less I like me, the less I love me, that means my ego is engage. If my ego is engage, then I'm going to be more prone to being scared, because I'm vulnerable, I'm basing my self-worth on how I'm viewed by you. If you are mean to me, or you scorn me, or you ridicule me, you make fun of me on and so on, my ego is engaged and boom, the anger trigger is activated.

[0:07:09.9] MB: I think it's really interesting. I mean, just again, this idea that when people are angry, it's often coming from a place where they're scared, or hurt. They may not even recognize that at a conscious level, but they're not – in many ways it's not about you, it's often about them and their own personal issues.

[0:07:28.9] DL: That's right. That's right. Are you familiar with the book by John Sarno, Healing Back Pain?

[0:07:33.6] MB: No, I'm not.

[0:07:34.5] DL: Okay, so basically John Sarno wrote a book and he has a whole methodology about how to overcome different physiological symptoms and ailments, including back pain and he extended it to number of their areas. It talks about how anger is at the root. Even by doing nothing else, if you are able to look at the pain and recognize that it comes from suppressed anger, he's shown, it’s study, after study, after study how you were able to allow that pain, that physical pain to dissipate. In much the same way, if you go now to the root of anger and see that it's grounded in fear and if you see ultimately, “I'm getting upset at my spouse. I'm getting upset at my child, because I feel like I'm not in control. I feel vulnerable. I feel like they don't respect me.” You understand that the core of the anger is really fear, just by looking at it, it helps to dissolve.

[0:08:24.9] MB: How does the need for control play into when people get angry?

[0:08:30.7] DL: Excellent. The degree to which we have self-esteem, we spoke about that before is that the more I love me right, the more I respect me, the more I'm able to respect and love other people and the more I'm able to receive and accept their love. Just parenthetically, which is why people who have low self-esteem have very difficult relationships, because on one hand they desperately want you to be close to them.

However, they recognize at a very deep level that they don't feel lovable. Why would you love someone that's so unlovable? They push you away at the same time, they have a hard time giving love and respect, because you can only give what you've got. They feel very isolated.

To go to the core of your question, is that we all need to feel some sense of control, some degree of ability to maintain, some confidence in our future that we are safe, that we are secure. That's ultimately why we want control is to feel safe and secure. If I don't love me, it's very hard for me to feel loved by other people, loved by God, loved by my children, loved by anyone. I don't feel secure, but I desperately want to feel like I'm in charge, like I've got traction. Therefore, I'm going to seek to control, which is why people with low self-esteem are the most controlling people.

Again, not always overtly, you're not always going to see it coming, but they will control, control, control, because they need to be able to try to influence your behavior, to influence the circumstances, because they don't feel in control of themselves.

[0:10:08.6] MB: For somebody who feels like they don't have control of themselves, or feels they're losing control, how can they start to combat that, or take steps to alleviate that?

[0:10:21.1] DL: Good. In order to understand that, we take a step back and look at the deeper psychology. As we said, self-esteem means that I've got a sense of self-love, self-worth, and my ego is not engaged. The million-dollar question, which is your question is how do I gain self-esteem, right? How do I begin to feel that sense of worthiness?

Even though I may have been beaten up in childhood, either literally, or metaphorically, I might have had a rough run in life, a lot of challenges, the self-esteem begins when we begin to make better choices and exercise self-control. See, self-control is at the core of self-esteem. If I can't control my behavior and make good choices, I'm certainly not going to do things that are responsible. I'm going to either live for an image. I'm going to overindulge. I'm going to eat in excess, excess entertainment, extra sleep. Whatever it is, I'm going to over indulge in unhealthy ways rather than invest in myself.

By exercising self-control, I increase my ability to make better choices, which de-facto gives me self-esteem. As my self-esteem goes up, my ability to exert control over other people may need to do that, decreases.

[0:11:33.1] MB: How do we cultivate, or exercise self-control effectively?

[0:11:38.9] DL: Number one is this, no one wants to invest in anyone or anything that you don't care about. You've got the chicken and the egg. I don't love myself. You know what? I was told I was nothing growing up. I've got a lousy this, lousy this. You've got a person who's coming from a very broken place and it makes sense. Why would you put an energy, effort, attention into anyone, or anything that you don't love or respect?

The beginning, the beginning of this coming out from under the rock is simply to recognize that you're in pain. Mental health requires an allegiance to reality at all costs. There were people that will say, you know what? Just forget about it, just trudge forward, don't focus, etcetera. If a person feels broken, if they're suffering with low self-esteem, they feel angry, they don't feel in control, the number one thing to do is to acknowledge to respect the fact that they're in a place of pain. That is with self-compassion, not self-pity.

Meaning, you know what? It's rough for me right now. I'm not going to hide from it, or for myself, I'm not going to say it's not real, because that's not being genuine. Right now is a place of pain. I'm going to honor it, I'm going to respect it, and I'm going to have compassion for myself. That's number one, do not beat yourself up more. The rest of the world has already done it enough. Do not pretend it doesn't exist, because then you're moving from a place to illusion, which will make you less healthy.

Stay in reality. Say, “Okay, this is difficult, this is painful, but it's going to come from a place of self-compassion.” Then from that place where you acknowledge you’re in pain, with self-love, you begin to grow out of it. That happens as follows; number one is you want to put a plan into action. What makes it very difficult for us to connect with our sense of self is that we live in for so long driven by the ego. Meaning, I'm going to do this, because it won't press somebody else. I'm going to do this, because it'll gain me praise, your honor. We’ve cut off from our soul, from our real purpose, from our spiritual DNA, which our passion, which drives us.

We want to reconnect, so rather than push ourselves forward, we're almost pulled toward our destiny by our unique purpose. Number one is simply to acknowledge where you are with self-compassion. Number two is try to reconnect with who you are, what you're living for, why you want what you want. Ask yourself, “If I didn't have the problems I have, what kind of person would I be? What would I do? If I had a different childhood growing up, if I felt unconditionally loved?” Begin to expand the possibilities of who and what you can become, and just allow yourself to explore potentials that you may have shut the door on.

Once you do that and you begin to crystallize something that stirs your soul, then you begin to put a plan into action and say, “Okay, if I want to go from point A to point B, my first step is I'm going to knowledge I'm at point A, we already said that, right?” You go into ways, you can say, “I want to go to Omaha,” without the satellite finding out that you’re in New York. You have to see where you're at and then ask yourself, “What can I do to move myself in this direction?” Then you put goals into place, you put a plan of action to place and you begin to move slowly.

Simply the progress, the steps that you take of moving out of the darkness toward a passion, towards a goal, towards something that stirs your soul is invigorating in and of itself and it'll begin to fuel each step and each step and each step and you'll go further and further towards your objective.

[0:15:12.3] MB: There's a tremendous amount of stuff that I want to unpack from that. I mean, there's so many different things I want to get into. I definitely want to get into this idea of having an allegiance to reality, accepting reality, but before we get into that, you touched on this idea of expanding the possibilities of who and what you can become. You threw out a few questions to ask around doing that. Could you talk a little bit more about that and maybe share some of those questions in more detail in why they're so effective?

[0:15:39.0] DL: Sure, Matt. For so long, we have confined ourselves and defined ourselves by other people, and very often by the ego. Meaning, that if we make a choice because it merely looks good, we're selling ourselves out, we're selling ourselves short, we're doing something to win the praise of others, were twisting, contorting moving away from what we know is right and responsible, from what's good for us, in order to accommodate somebody else's, to win them over.

When you sell yourselves out, it chips away your self-esteem. We make a lot of these choices, whether it's the clothes we wear, or the car we buy, the person we date, the job we take, we don't realize the entire trajectory of our lives may very well be shaped by the ego. It's important to take a step back and just get off the crazy train and that, as I work with a lot of executives with the midlife crisis, which seems to be getting earlier and earlier for people today. I used to be in the 40s, then 30s and now sometimes it's in the 20s, because people can earn a lot of money and reach what they would consider the pinnacle of success at a very early age.

They realize they haven't found happiness when they've achieved all these objectives, because they weren't based on what they truly wanted, they were based on what they thought would win, the praise or approval of other people. The questions you want to begin to ask yourself is what would I do if I had all the money I needed? What would I do if I didn't have the problems that I have? What would I do if I felt unconditionally loved? What would I do if I felt that I couldn't fail?

Now, all of these questions are not suitable, or necessary for everyone, but you see what they do is they begin to chip away at the ego, chip away at the façade the things that the ego wants; it wants money, power, fame, control, right? It's all inauthentic. It's all an illusion, because real control is being able to rise above your nature and act responsibly and make good choices, gain self-esteem, and then you're able to pursue things that are drawing you based on your soul.

If you can’t exercise self-control, you don't invest in yourself, now you’re completely ego-driven and you could be driving very fast and furious, but in the wrong direction. You're waking up in the morning, putting in a 20-hour a day, 80-hour workweeks and then find yourself simply burnt out. Other people can put in 80 hours a week and they find themselves invigorated. The difference between those two is one, is living for the ego, the other for their soul. When you’re living for your soul, you're going to be reinvigorated. The more you do, the more energy and passion you have. When you're living simply for an image, you will eventually become drained and that's when you look around and you say, “You know what? I've got everything, but my life still stinks.”

[0:18:20.6] MB: So many different pieces to unpack from that and places to go. I want to before we forget about it, the conversation moved beyond it, I want to circle back to this idea of having as you put an allegiance to reality at all costs. Can you tell me more about that and explain why it's so important?

[0:18:37.2] DL: Sure. There's an old saying that neurotics build castles in the sky, psychotics live in them and psychiatrists charge rent. We all have our neuroses, we all have our little stuff, but we know from our own experience that the more you engage in life, the more you're living life, the healthier and happier you are. The people that try to get out of stress, they don't want to deal with any issues, they become more and more neurotic, because in order to be grounded, you have to live in reality.

The beginning of mental health is when we face ourselves. We look in the mirror and ask ourselves if I want to be more authentic, where have I been inauthentic? Where I've been lying to myself? Where have I been trying to ignore a reality? Once again, that you know from your own life, if there's something difficult you have to do, you've been procrastinating about, whatever it is, by tackling it, by doing it, you feel great. By ignoring it, it doesn't go away, you end up compounding the problem and you feel less good about yourself.

Anytime, where whether it's a dental appointment you’ve been putting off, whether it's dealing with a certain responsibility, or obligation or facing a certain truth about ourselves, our past, our lives, or relationships, whenever you acknowledge it, accept it, if you can change it, or work on improving it, or changing it, then you begin to feel so empowered. That is when we become healthy.

The less healthy a person is, the less they want to do with reality. The less they want to do with reality, the less healthy they become. Ultimately, we've got with this call, I know you’re familiar with the pleasure of pain mechanism. We move towards pleasure and away from pain. The ability to face the pain, to face our legitimate responsibilities and obligations is ultimately what's going to bring us the greatest degree of pleasure.

If you ignore responsibilities and obligations, because they're painful and seek mere comfort, or you escape, or you want to be out of pain, you end up with suffering, and you move further and further away from mental health, further and further away from reality, further and further away from goals and healthy relationships.

[0:20:47.3] MB: What does the work look like for somebody who wants to do that heavy lifting of facing themselves and starting to acknowledge and accept the things that are really going on, concretely what does that actually look in terms of what you would be doing to do that?

[0:21:03.3] DL: Excellent. Number one, the foundation is always the same. That is to acknowledge that you know what? This stinks, this is painful, this is tough. Right now, I'm going to do something that's difficult. I also know that it's an investment in myself. Be honest with yourself. It's a hard conversation, it's a difficult conversation, but one that is so empowering, because you're facing reality, you're living in the swift current of life, you're not ignoring it. In reality, we find pleasure.

It's acknowledging that this is challenging, this is difficult, and then asking yourself where have I been inauthentic? Where have I been hiding in my relationships? Have I been blaming my spouse, because I haven't measured up? Have I been blaming my parents and selling myself on a narrative for 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 years for something that happened in the past? What story do I begin – have I've been telling myself time and again to keep me from acknowledging my responsibilities and accepting my obligations? That is the beginning of growth.

When we begin to ask ourselves, “Okay, fine. I'm going to stop blaming the rest of the world.” Yes, there may have been a number of factors that conspired and contributed to put me here right now, but what can I do to move forward? The research is clear. The beginning of mental health, a transformation in going from anxious and depressed, to feeling alive and invigorated, with more self-esteem and confidence is when we accept responsibility for what we can control.

There are plenty of things we can control. As long as you're in blame mode, you're not going to be in solution mode. Ask yourself, “What can I do to move my life in a more positive direction?” Have an honest question with yourself. What can I do in my relationships to be more authentic? How can I act with a greater degree of integrity? Do I respect me? What can I do to have a greater degree of respect for myself? Whether it's plucking in my shirt, whether it's losing weight, whether it's exercising, I want to begin to invest in me for tomorrow, and not simply look to escape for today.

As we begin to invest in ourselves and begin to improve and work on our relationships, on who we are emotionally, spiritually, financially, we begin to feel great, because we're taking control of our lives, and nothing is more empowering or invigorating than accepting responsibility for who we are and what we can become.

[0:23:28.5] MB: I love the idea of an increased acceptance of responsibility and exploring this relationship between blame and excuses and how that often feels more comfortable, feels easier and protects your ego, your identity, but actually ultimately makes you less successful and less happy.
[0:23:48.7] DL: Actually, you just summarized it better than I did in five minutes, you did in 60 seconds. Yeah, that's exactly right. We live in a culture that continues to foster the idea about victimhood and not accepting responsibility, because it's a group, a herd mentality that if I can blame the rest of the world, then I don't have to feel guilty, or feel ashamed for anything that I do.

Recuses me a responsibility, advocates me from any obligation, and I get to blame the rest of the world and opt out. The problem is you end up with suffering. There is no escape. The way to gain self-esteem is not by taking away responsibility, it's by accepting responsibility and by moving forward. While you're once again stuck in the victim mode, stuck in blame mode, you will never ever, ever move forward.

This doesn't mean that other people didn't make it tough for you, but the question you always want to ask yourself is, “Okay, fine. What now? Should I continue to blame my parents? Should I continue to blame my upbringing? Should I continue to blame everyone under the sun? Or will I take responsibility right now, make a decision and move myself forward?” Fewer things are more empowering than the power of a decision to say, “I am going to make a different choice.” You will make a different choice, you’ll have a different quality of life.

[0:25:16.4] MB: In many ways, I think it ties back to a lot of the work of Carol Dweck and the psychologists, the talk about the growth mindset and these kinds of things. If you live in a place where you're constantly blaming other people, you're constantly making excuses and you're constantly at odds with reality and with accepting the way things truly are, you're essentially trapping yourself in a cycle that repeats and creates more and more suffering.

[0:25:41.4] DL: That's right. That's right. Just to appreciate the psychological backdrop here, is that look, if you're in an argument with somebody, you're upset with somebody and maybe you are to blame, but you don't want to acknowledge it, or accept it, or you've got a responsibility you don't want to face, what the ego will do is it will minimize, justifies, rationalize, it has a whole a number of tools in its arsenal in order to keep us from feeling guilty, to keep us from feeling bad, because we didn't step up. There's only so much you can call the reality and distort it, until you begin to have a very poor relationship with reality and it no longer resembles the truth. That is mental illness.

When my impression of reality, my view of reality, my perspective doesn't reconcile, doesn't jive with the actual truth. That means then that I'm going to be living in la-la land. That is quite frankly drifting from neurosis to psychosis, when I'm not willing to accept the pain of my reality, so I’ll substitute my own reality. Once again, there's only so long you can pretend to live in a made-up world, before it comes crashing down on you.

[0:26:54.0] MB: I think it's also important and just reiterating this, that this isn't necessarily just you saying toughen up and deal with it. This is a conclusion that's supported by a huge body of scientific research.

[0:27:06.3] DL: Of course. This is much deeper than that. For sure, the research in positive psychology, the research with a number of great psychologists, whether it's Martin Seligman, whether it's Scott Peck, at the end of the day, they all boil down to the same thing. There is no pill you can take that will make you happy permanently. There is nothing you can do that will allow for you to fundamentally change the quality of your life, except if you make different choices. You ever hear, you know what’s fascinating? You ever hear the idea of something called a lottery curse?

[0:27:44.1] MB: I have heard of that. Yeah.

[0:27:45.3] DL: Right. Here's what research shows, that a person that wins a million dollars or more, after one year has a higher statistical rate of suicide, drunken-driving, divorce and even bankruptcy, because all the money did was give them more opportunities to make lousier choices, faster and easier than they could before.

The researchers replete with examples, that money, intelligence, even life experience don't have any bearing on a life satisfaction. Only the quality of our choices within the situation changes our happiness, which is why we know people that have handed everything under the sun, they have every single advantage going for them and they're miserable human beings.

We look at other people that have been through hell and back and they moved through life with a sense of confidence and invincibility and trust and courage, because they make different choices within that situation. Look, circumstances will come and go. Win a million dollars, you’d be in a good mood. Lose a million dollars, less good mood. Fundamentally, the studies are clear if you want to change the quality of your life, you have to change the quality of your choices. That is inescapable. There's no way to get around that.

[0:28:58.9] MB: That's a great way to frame it. I mean, that's in many ways the core thesis of our show is this, how do we help people improve their ability to make better decisions?

[0:29:08.8] DL: That's right. Look, motivational quotes, positive affirmations, these are all things that are helpful. End of the day, is the power of decision is the power to change your life. It is a decision, it is a decision that you make, whoever is listening, watching, understanding, getting this, you have to appreciate if you want to change your life you have to change your choices. Make a decision to change something and you will begin to move your life in a more positive direction.

Now change is scary. It's uncomfortable. It's uneasy, at times painful, which is why people don't do it. Knowing that that change is going to bring you more pleasure, if you're just able to hold on, just hang on, don't quit too soon, sometimes we are just one step away from the magic, but we quit too soon and we don't want to continue moving forward, because it's difficult. Take that extra step and you will find that the world, the universe will just open doors for you. It really is necessary to have a degree of persistence. If you look at the people who are successful, they're the ones that are able to just fall down, get back up, fall down and get back, up fall down and get back up, moving forward, moving forward, moving forward, and then at some point, something magical happens and that is you realize you're living a different quality of life, you're living the life that you're actually happy with.

[0:30:40.1] MB: Yeah. I mean, I think that's such a good example and really describes how important it is to focus on make high-quality decisions, be persistent, don't give up in the face of adversity and really to embrace discomfort and embrace painful experiences, because they're a core part of improving growing and ultimately creating meaning in your life.

[0:31:06.2] DL: That's right. That's right. I'd like to share one really great technique that I put in the book, because it helps us to overcome anger. It's very, very useful in allowing ourselves to be able to make a change much more quickly. It has to do with something called availability heuristics. Availability heuristics basically says, is that how we see ourselves, which means our self-concept is based not necessarily on the choices that we've made in the past, but rather how easily we can recall those choices, how available they are to memory.

Meaning that, if you want to let's say act more assertive, let's say you're somebody that has been very meek, very unable to assert yourself, and you swallow your anger, or swallow your feelings and so on. You'd say, “Okay, fine. I hear what Lieberman is saying. Make better choices, assert myself.” It's not me. I'm not that guy. I've been living my life for 20, 25, 30 years this way. I'm just not that personality.

Here is an amazing way to help overcome that very, very quickly and it works like this. All you have to do is mentally rehearse, visualize times that you've acted in a certain way, in our example, let's say assertive. It could be when you were seven, when you were nine, when you were 10, go ahead and string them together, instead of a 60-second movie trailer, where you go over each time, one after the other, after the other. Throughout the day, go ahead and play this trailer for yourself, 60 seconds in your mind, visualize it when you acted this way.

Then when you need to become more assertive, for example, instantly you're going to be able to engage what we call once again availability heuristics. You'll see yourself, your self-concept is going to come right to the surface and it makes it infinitely more easy to act in the way that you've just been rehearsing, seeing yourself as acting in.

[0:33:06.6] MB: Yeah, I think that's a great strategy. I mean, we love getting into heuristics and biases on the show, and using them to your advantage I think is always a great strategy. In many ways, that strategy also touches on another topic that we get into a lot, which is the power of visual memory, and how important it is to use these vivid visual memories, because they really can impact your perception of reality. They're much more memorable and they also as you're describing with the strategy, can shape your self-concept.

We essentially cherry-pick our own experiences and memories to shape whatever our beliefs of ourselves are, but you're saying essentially that you can proactively cherry-pick certain memories from your past to shape your behavior, to be what you want it to be.

[0:33:52.8] DL: That's right. Here's what the research finds is we know people that are really great wonderful individuals, and they have such a warped perception of themselves. You say, why do you think you're a loser, or why do you think you're not good at this? They'll go ahead and call from all their successes, the one or two or three times that they weren't successful. They have that perfect recall when it comes to things that they've messed up on, but they are completely not able to connect with the times that they've been successful.

Simply by bringing them to the surface and visualizing them, and there are a myriad of studies that I bring out and that are certainly out there on the power visualization, and the ability, because just parenthetically, the visual cortex is much larger than many other parts of the brain responsible for thoughts.

When you are visualizing something, you're engaging much more of the brain and it's easier to recall it, in much the same way that there's a great book called Moonwalking With Einstein, that talked about memory. It used and explain how visualization is so important. When a person begins to misuse their imagination by visualizing the worst-case scenarios, or the time things didn't work out, they're really stacking the odds against all of the logic, all the statistics, all the probability that could be successful, because they're visualizing the worst case, the times that they failed.

Really, by going back and rehearsing those times when you've been successful, it is so magnificent in just allowing you to act in accordance with how you see yourself. That's what the self-concept is. Self-concept pictures a rubber band. You're only going to stretch it so far without snapping back to its original position. With this technique, you literally move the rubber band. You don't have to stretch it, you move it. You now see yourself as a different person, and because we act in accordance with how we see ourselves, when you visualize, and by way, the studies also find it doesn't have to be actual events. It could be visualizing how you're going to act in that situation, it also allows you to engage a little bit of heuristics, see yourself as that person and then it makes it infinitely more easy to act in that way.

[0:36:07.1] MB: I want to circle back and dig in a little bit more. I think it’s been a really fruitful discussion. I think we've gotten a ton of strategies and really got into the meat of how we can take responsibility and accept reality as it is, and how that can help shift and – shift our self-concept, build self-esteem.

One of the building blocks and now that we touched on that I want to explore a little bit more is something you touched on, which is this idea of the relationship between comfort and meaning, and how they're opposed to one another.

[0:36:39.0] DL: That's right. If you ask most people, there’s a great rabbi, the name of rabbi Noah Weinberg, and he used to ask his class what is the opposite of pleasure? Then most people would say pain. He would explain the opposite of pleasure, it's not pain, it's comfort. Real pleasure is found in living life, engaging in life. It takes work, it takes effort to get through to it. Comfort is an escape from life.

We go for this low-hanging fruit of comfort, but here's the thing. What do we have that allows for us to move in the right direction? You've got pleasure in one hand and comfort in the other. Why would we want to choose pleasure over comfort? The answer is this, is because the more meaning something has, the more pleasure you can extract from it. Therefore, sitting on the couch and watching television, eating cheese doodles is very comfortable, but it has no meaning, so it has no real genuine pleasure. There's only so much, so long you can do that without going crazy.

It's a very low-level of existence. When you do something that's more meaningful, you're going to naturally extract more pleasure from it, because meaning is connected to pleasure. It's going to take work, it's going to take effort, it's going to take a lot of discomfort, but there is nothing you can achieve that's worthwhile. Ask any Olympic athlete, ask any successful businessperson, ask anyone in a successful marriage relationship, does it take work? Does it take effort? Yes. Is it worth it? Yes, because you get to the real pleasure.

People that settle for comfort, people that will trade this low-level of existence because they're unwilling to invest effort and to work in order to get to the pleasure, are going to find themselves not just miserable, but they're going to find themselves less happy and with more pain. In other words, there is no escape from life. Anyone that thinks I'm going to avoid the pain of putting in the effort to get to the pleasure, I'll just go ahead and escape. They end up with more pain, because they move into suffering. Suffering is a consequence of not accepting responsibility.

Is it easier to watch television than it is to go ahead and tell, do your taxes? Sure. Is it easier to go ahead and to drink and to do drugs, or to do whatever as an escape from life, rather than to go ahead and to get a job and to move forward? Yeah, but ultimately, the escapism comes crashing down. There is no permanent place you can escape to that life reality won't find you.

When you really understand that there is no escape, and the best way, the only way, the surest way, not just to be happy, but to enjoy an amazing degree of mental health and quality relationships, requires you to engage life, to live life. When you see that wave coming in the ocean, don't run the other way, dive through it. Have some trust that things are going to be good, and as you begin to move forward, you will find that your soul just reawakens and you are just invigorated with a great degree of passion and excitement for life.

[0:39:41.2] MB: I think that's a great explanation of that. In many ways, if you look at something that – I think, the idea of sitting on the couch and eating cheese puffs is a good middle ground, but those are the logical extreme of this pursue pleasure, or pursue comfort at any cost as the idea of somebody who's doing heroin, right? At the moment, while you're doing that, it feels incredible. Obviously the life of a heroin addict is one that is not very enviable.

[0:40:06.6] DL: That's right. That's right. There's an old slogan back in the 80s, if it feels good, do it. Nothing more insane than that. If you want to feel good, you do good. If you set out merely to feel good, you'll end up feeling lousy. Yes, there are things that are enjoyable, things that are pleasure, things that are fun and detaining, excursions, all these things in proper measure are great. Everyone needs to sharpen the saw as it were and to relax, to recharge. There's a big difference between giving yourself time off to re-energize and escaping from life, because you don't want to face the pain and responsibility.

[0:40:41.6] MB: We spent a lot of time digging into self-concept and self-esteem and how these all fit into a lot of the underpinnings of pain, suffering and manifest in many ways as anger. I want to circle back and touch back on anger a little bit. What would you say to somebody, or how do you think about the idea that anger can sometimes be a useful tool, or can sometimes be fuel to motivate you, or push you to achieve certain things, or to get through boundaries, or challenges?

[0:41:12.5] DL: Yes. Right. I've had more than a couple conversations about this with colleagues. When you say conversations, meaning debates, heated arguments. There are those that will definitely contend that there is a positive use for anger. Certainly, that's true. We see people who are sort of, “I'm going to show them. I'm not going to be pushed around. I'm going to go ahead and prove to the world that I can do this and so on.” Great. Fine.

However, you're much better off driving yourself being pulled by the pleasure and what you're doing and connecting to the joy and the innate meaning of what you're doing, rather than basing it on anger, which is ego-driven. Meaning, it's going to put you in a very precarious situation, because let's say those people that were not supportive and you were driving to prove them wrong, ended up saying, “You know what? Okay, you're a great guy. I can see that you could do it. Where does your drive go? It goes out the window.”

Moreover, the problem with using anger, or believing that you should keep in your tool belt is when you're in the heat of an argument with somebody and you haven't taken anger off the table, you're going to assume, because your perspective is narrowed and your ego is engaged. that now is a proper time to be angry/

While anger may be channeled in a healthy direction, 1% of the time, I'd much rather take it off the table and be right 99% the time, because no one ever walked away from a conversation and argument and said, “You know what? I wish I would have gotten angrier/ I would have been able to handle myself so much better.” No one ever walked away from a situation and said, “You know what? If I were angrier, I would have been able to whatever.” It clouds our ability to think clearly, to exercise good judgment. By the way, something we mentioned the beginning of the show is that when we become angry, one of the hormones that get released is something called cortisol, which is also called a stress hormone. Interesting, it interferes with the ability for the brain, the prefrontal cortex to process information. It literally makes us dumb.

When we become angry, we're literally blinded by your ability to see clearly and to act effectively. The answer to a very good question is can anger have productive uses? Sure. I would much rather take it off the table as an option and be right 99% of the time, then keep it on the table as an option, and use it as a fuel, or use it in a way that ends up causing me much more damage.

[0:43:42.3] MB: I think we explored in pretty good detail the longer term strategies for thinking about and dealing with anger. How would you think about, maybe some more short-term strategies in the interim? How do we deal with anger in the moment?

[0:43:57.6] DL: Excellent. First is this, when you become angry, just do what you can. In writing the book, I tried to stay away from things that – my style it’s I try to go outside the box and see what hasn't been covered. I wanted to stay away from the things that have been done so many times, but there's one thing I could not escape from that I put into the book, because it is indisputably effective. That is to breathe. When we become angry, breathing becomes shallow and our ability to think becomes clouded.

Taking deep breaths physiologically allows for us to feel more calm, the central nervous system is relaxed. It is a very effective thing to do. Having said that, the first thing to do is to say, “Okay, fine. I am angry right now. I am in pain.” Then try to find the connection with the fear. If once, I'm telling you I've worked with convicts with this. I've worked with hardcore people that have anger issues from the beginning they were born, and they have become transformed not because of anything magical I did, but because once you're able to really see the connection and that I'm angry at you, not because of what you did to me, but because I'm connecting it to a feeling of fear that I feel vulnerable, I feel unsafe.

Then when I go to the court and say, “Why do I feel unsafe?” You're able to walk yourself through these conversations, you become almost impervious to insult, or to offense. It's not because you don't care what other people think, but you realize that you're not in pain. It's not real pain. You feel like it's the fight-or-flight response, you feel it's actual danger. In much the same way, you see a bear in the woods and a fight-or-flight response is engaged. Once you realize that it's just a kid in a costume, it dissipates.

In much the same way, if you think it's a real danger, you feel vulnerable, you feel unsafe, you feel that you are emotionally threatened, that you're not loved or lovable, you're going to become angry. Once you realize that that's not the case, the fear dissipates. Having an honest conversation with yourself is invaluable. Certainly, visualization is fantastic.

One of the other things that we do is there's a great methodology where you bring your physiology into it. What you do is you take a deep breath, at the same time you relax your shoulders and you tilt your neck. There's a lot of psychology and physiology and research that goes into it. Tilting your neck is, what it does is it sends a subconscious message to your brain that you're safe, because when we feel threatened, we go into a aggressive posture. By moving into a open posture, physiologically speaking, taking a deep breath, it allows for you to trigger those times when you felt calm, you felt relaxed, felt you are not being threatened, and you're able to just instantly go into that state.

We find is that physiologically speaking, actually the author is Jill Bolte, who has done amazing research in this area and she explains that the feeling of anger, any type of negative emotion and about 90 seconds, physiologically speaking it moves through you. After that 90 seconds, you can either own it, or dismiss it. Even though your body may be reacting to a genuine threat, by walking through this protocol in about 90 seconds, you flush that physiology out of your system, and you can regain control over your emotional equilibrium right then in the moment. 

Then soon you're going to find that the little things simply don't bother you, and less and less and less things bother you, there’s a saying in biology that neurons that fire together, wire together. Every time there's a stimulus and response, you strengthen those connections. We find as it takes no more than about three to four weeks to begin to reconfigure that connection. In the field of neuroplasticity, it shows just how quickly you can rewire your brain and set up an entire new neural network, that rather that's anger driven is able to remain calm.

The best part about this, Matt, it's not a calm that you force on yourself. You're not fighting an uphill battle. Your sense of, “Okay, fine but I'm doing these techniques. I’m calming myself down,” it's not even registering on the radar. It instantly is coming in as a non-threat, so you don't have to work, you don't need willpower, you don't the exercise self-control in order to calm yourself down. If your ego is not engaged, it's not going to grow.

You would simply remain unbothered. Just an amazing way to feel so much more empowered over your life, because you know that no matter what you face, you're not going to lose control of yourself. You're going to be able to maintain a sense of emotional equilibrium in that situation and then deal with it as healthy as you possibly can.

[0:48:46.6] MB: Very practical examples. Funnily enough, for listeners who want to dig in, we actually interviewed Jill Bolte Taylor, a couple weeks ago. She goes even more in-depth into the 90-second rule and how works.

David, I'm curious for listeners who want to concretely implement something we've talked about today, whether it's with anger management, or changing their self-concept and self-esteem, what would be one piece of homework that you would give listeners to take a first step to concretely implement the things we've talked about today?

[0:49:16.6] DL: Excellent. The best thing you can do is to sit down in a quiet space and look at the connection between your anger and fear. We find that there are pivotal points in our childhood that we felt insecure, we felt helpless, we felt vulnerable, and we responded in a certain way. If you're able to go back and say, “You know what? When I was in third grade, or I was in fifth grade, or so on, I felt very helpless, I felt alone, I felt so on, and then this is how I dealt with it.”

Then you see how that plays out in relationships today. I've worked with so many people who have, again hardened folks that have spent a life with in violence and have very, very difficult upbringings in childhood. When they're able to see that their response today is based on a corrupted conclusion of something that they're transposing and picking up and using the template from when they were a child and they felt helpless, and that's how they dealt with it then, when they see that connection, it almost magically dissolves.

Really just spending time on it and seeing that a response today doesn't have to be based on the response that we had when we were young. In the situation, when you're able to just slow it down and say, “I'm angry.” What is the fear? What is the underlying fear? Do I feel helpless? Do I feel unloved? Do I feel not respected? Do I feel rejected? Then ask yourself, “Why? Am I really in pain? How much power am I giving this person over my emotional health?” You begin to have an honest conversation with yourself, you begin to unwind from that automatic angry reaction and you regain control over yourself.

[0:50:55.0] MB: Where can listeners find you and your various books and works online?

[0:51:00.1] DL: Never Get Angry Again is at fine and probably not fine bookstores, they never looked in those, but that's on Amazon and everywhere. I'm on Instagram. I just started that actually, it’s dr_lieberman. Website, I think, I'm not really a technically savvy guy, but it's – I think it's drlieberman.com. I've got plenty of lectures online. If you just Google me, you'll see a number of talks on self-esteem, happiness relationships, overcoming conflict, obstacles, challenges, those types of things.

[0:51:29.7] MB: Well, David thank you so much for coming on the show sharing all these wisdom. We got really deep into some of the strategies in the science and I really appreciate you taking the time to explain all of these concepts and ideas to our listeners.

[0:51:41.6] DL: Matt, you are a super guy, an amazing talent. You've got a terrific show and I so appreciate the opportunity. Thanks so much.

[0:51:47.5] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you our listeners master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story, or just say hi, shoot me an e-mail. My e-mail is matt@successpodcast.com. That’s M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener e-mail.

I'm going to give you three reasons why you should sign up for our e-mail list today, by going to successpodcast.com, signing up right on the homepage. There’s some incredible stuff that’s only available to those on the e-mail list, so be sure to sign up, including an exclusive curated weekly e-mail from us called Mindset Monday, which is short, simple, filled with articles, stories, things that we found interesting and fascinating in the world of evidence-based growth in the last week. 

Next, you're going to get an exclusive chance to shape the show, including voting on guests, submitting your own personal questions that we’ll ask guests on air and much more. Lastly, you’re going to get a free guide we created based on listener demand, our most popular guide, which is called how to organize and remember everything. You can get it completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide by signing up and joining the e-mail list today. Again, you can do that at successpodcast.com, sign up right at the homepage, or if you're on the go, just text the word “smarter”, S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44-222. 

Remember, the greatest compliment you can give us is a referral to a friend either live or online. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us an awesome review and subscribe on iTunes because that helps boost the algorithm, that helps us move up the iTunes rankings and helps more people discover the Science of Success. 

Don't forget, if you want to get all the incredible information we talked about in the show, links transcripts, everything we discussed and much more, be sure to check out our show notes. You can get those at successpodcast.com, just hit the show notes button right at the top. 

Thanks again, and we'll see you on the next episode of the Science of Success.


May 17, 2018 /Lace Gilger
Emotional Intelligence
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Being Busy vs. Creating Results - What Are You Doing? with Jake Knapp

May 10, 2018 by Lace Gilger in Focus & Productivity

In this episode we discuss what happens when you mistake being busy with creating results, we take a hard look at time management and examine concrete strategies for carving out more time, we look at the dangerous power of “defaults” in shaping our behavior and how we can use them to our advantage, and examine how to have a healthy relationship with our inbox with our guest Jake Knapp. 

Jake is the New York Times bestselling author of Sprint. He spent ten years at Google and Google Ventures, where he created the Design Sprint process and ran it over 150 times with companies like Nest, Slack, 23andMe, and Flatiron Health. Previously, Jake helped build products like Gmail, Google Hangouts, and Microsoft Encarta, and his work has been featured in Tech Crunch, Fast Company, The Wall Street Journal, NPR, and more.

  • Jake’s own battle and journey with time, time management, and figuring out how to make the most of his time, effort, and energy to create more results 

  • Lessons from a “time dork” who has spent time in the trenches thinking about how to best spend your time

  • We spend a lot of our time in the world of “defaults” - with our technology platforms

  • The “busy bandwagon” - the cultural norm of wanting to be and appear that you’re busy

  • Deleting instagram, facebook, twitter and more from his phone helped Jake be more present 

  • What happens when you mistake being busy with creating results

  • If you're caught up in the minutiae of life - what can you do to step back and get clarity on priorities and what’s really important in your life?

  • There’s no secret solution for everyone - it’s about trying strategies to see what works for you - and constantly engaging in contemplative analysis of what’s important 

  • A “burner list” strategy you can use to organize your todo list 

  • We’re not super human and we don’t want to be - many of us wouldn’t be happy with the life of Elon Musk

  • Every time the todo-list gets, full, stale, etc - reconsider what’s number one - and just focus on that 

  • Think about the space between a TASK and a GOAL - clear 60-90 minutes to really dive in and create results on your most important item on your ToDo list

  • You don’t need to be busier to create the results you want - its about taking control of what you’re doing

  • “Someday” goals can become realities if you prioritize correctly and break them into executable chunks 

  • If you’re not taking steps toward your goals, they effectively don’t exist

  • The importance of creating a meaningful connection to your goals - to create motivation in the near term

  • You have the ability to “recover time” in your day by spending less time in a reactive state

  • As one of the early pioneers of email, spending his time help building gmail app and much more - Jake has some strong insights into how we can have a healthy relationship with our inboxes 

  • Defaults are tremendously powerful in shaping our behavior - think about what defaults you have in your technology life - and how you may be able to tweak them to be create more of the results that you want 

  • The difficulty of saying no - and how we can do a better job of it

  • How to say no like a sour-patch kid

  • Get out saying yes/no to commitments in person, defer and come back later when you’ve had time to think about it

  • Saying yes to something is a great way to kill your own priorities. They are like barnacles on the hull of your ship

  • Trying to construct situations where a team can make really good decisions using the Design Sprint process 

  • Lessons from constructing environments to help people make better decisions

  • The design sprint process and how it helps teams work together and make great decisions

  • Making sure that you’re considering opinionated / conflicting solutions to, and creating an environment where it’s healthy to have disagreement 

    1. Anonymous disagreement on paper

  • Homework - Lightning Decision Jam 

  • Homework - What is your distraction kryptonite?

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Please SUBSCRIBE and LEAVE US A REVIEW on iTunes! (Click here for instructions on how to do that).

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This weeks episode is brought to you by our partners at Skillshare!

For a limited time, Skillshare is offering our listeners TWO MONTHS OF UNLIMITED CLASSES for only $0.99! That's UNLIMITED classes for two months for only $0.99. Go to www.skillshare.com/success to redeem this incredible offer NOW!

Skillshare is an online learning platform with over 18,000 classes in design, business, technology, and more. Whether you’re trying to deepen your professional skill-set, start a side hustle, or just explore something new, Skillshare will keep you learning in 2018 and beyond.

Again, Skillshare is offering our listeners the incredible deal of two whole months of UNLIMITED classes for only $0.99 so get out there and start learning at www.skillshare.com/success

SHOW NOTES, LINKS, & RESEARCH

  • [Website] Time Dorks

  • [Article] The “Burner List”—My simple, paper-based system for focused to-dos by Jake Knapp

  • [App] Freedom

  • [Chrome Extension] Inbox When Ready

  • [SoS Episode] The Secret That Silicon Valley Giants Don’t Want You To Know with Dr. Adam Alter

  • [Article] Lightning Decision Jam — Solve Problems Without Discussion by Jonathan Courtney

  • [Twitter] Jake Knapp

  • [Book] Decisive: How to Make Better Choices in Life and Work by Chip Heath and Dan Heath

  • [Book] Sprint: How to Solve Big Problems and Test New Ideas in Just Five Days by Jake Knapp, John Zeratsky, and Braden Kowitz

  • [Book] Make Time: How to Focus on What Matters Every Day by Jake Knapp and John Zeratsky

Episode Transcript


[00:00:06.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:11.8] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success; the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the internet with more than a million downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries and part of the self-help for smart people podcast network.

In this episode, we discuss what it means when you mistake being busy with creating results. We take a hard look at time management and examine concrete strategies for carving out more time. We look at the dangerous power of defaults in shaping our behavior and how we can use them to our advantage. We examine how to have a healthy relationship with your e-mail inbox with our guest, Jake Knapp.

I'm going to give you three reasons why you should join our e-mail list today, by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the home page. There's some amazing stuff that's only available to our e-mail subscribers, so be sure to sign up and join the e-mail list today. First, you're going to get an awesome free guide that we created based on listener demand. This is our most popular guide and it's called how to organize and remember everything, which you can get completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide. You got to sign up to find out, by joining the e-mail list today.

Next, you're going to get a curated weekly e-mail from us every week called Mindset Monday. Our listeners have been absolutely loving this e-mail. It's short, it's simple, it's filled with articles, videos, stories, things we found interesting or fascinating in the last week. Lastly, you're going to get exclusive content and a chance to shape the show. You can help us vote on guests, you can help us change our intro music and much more, you can even submit your own questions to upcoming guests, you'll also have access to exclusive giveaways that only people who are on the e-mail list get access to and much, much more.

Be sure to sign up and join the e-mail list. There's some incredible stuff, but only subscribers who on the e-mail list are getting access to this awesome information.

In our previous episode, we explored the brain. Are the two halves of the brain really that different? What is this idea of whole brain thinking? How do you get your brain to do what you want it to do? Can we become more right-brained or left-brained if we want to? We also dug into the personal story of our guest, a neuro anatomist who suffered from a devastating stroke and how that experience transformed her worldview, with our guest Dr. Jill Taylor. If you want to understand how to get your brain to do what you want it to do, listen to that episode.

Now for the show.

[0:02:57.6] MB: Today, we have another exciting guest on the show, Jake Knapp. Jake is the New York Times bestselling author of Sprint. He spent 10 years at Google and Google ventures, where he created the design sprint process and ran it over a 150 times with companies like Nest, Slack 23andMe, Flatiron Health and more.

Previously, Jake helped build products like Gmail, Google Hangouts, Microsoft Encarta and his work has been featured in TechCrunch, Fast Company, The Wall Street Journal, NPR and more. Jake, welcome to the Science of Success.

[0:03:29.2] JK: Hey, thanks for having me on, Matt. Appreciate it.

[0:03:31.4] MB: Well, we're very excited to have you on here today. I'd love to talk about and I think we're definitely going to dig into the sprint methodology that you've popularized and really executed for a number of years at Google. Before we dig into that, I'd love to start out and look at, I know you have a new project in the works right now. It's not coming out for a number of months, but you have a book about, the name is Make Time, and it's about how to prioritize and how to create the time and the focus for the things we really want to get done.

I'd love to hear what inspired you to create that book and what are some of the core themes that you want to explore with it?

[0:04:05.8] JK: Well, this topic of time is something that I've been thinking about for many years. It all goes back for me to when my oldest son was born. He's 14 now, but when he was born I was working at Microsoft at that time and I realized, “My God. I have got to spend my time better. I got to get better at doing this.” That led me on a long path of experimenting with personal productivity, experimenting with the ways that I did my work and ultimately, with doing the kinds of team practices that led to the design sprint.

Along the way to developing the design sprint, which is very much a tool for teams and businesses, I ended up thinking a lot about how I could manage my own efforts and energies in the day to have more satisfaction and to feel I was doing the things that mattered. My colleague at Google Ventures, who I worked with on developing the design sprint process, this guy John Zeratsky, he's a time dork just like me. In fact, we have a blog called Time Dorks, and we've been experimenting with some weird ideas of ways to really get control of the distractions and the busyness that plagued the modern world.

I mean, there are these amazing technological gifts that we all have access to, or many of us have access to and I've done my share of working on building those tools, but there's a lot to be done to actually make them – really put them in their place, so that we can put what we want to do first. That's what the book is about. To a certain extent, that's what the design sprint process is about too, so they go together.

[0:05:41.1] MB: Yeah, I'd love to hear even some of the lessons from Time Dork. What have you found obviously today's world are so many distractions and so much noise, pulling us away from what's really important. How have you personally dealt with a lot of the distractions that enabled yourself to be focused and productive?

[0:05:59.8] JK: Well, one of the big things is that we follow defaults in life. We have to, because it's how you get things done. When I say default, I mean, if you get a new phone, you get a new computer it's got default software on it, it's got a default wallpaper image on it, the phone's got a default ringtone, all those things when you get the phone, usually most of us the first thing we'll do is configure the phone to look the way we want, download the apps we want and maybe move the ones that we don't want, and put a photo of our kid, or something on the background.

That's the first step, but in life, a lot of the defaults that exist, we might not see them. A lot of them just stick around and they become part of our lives. For example, you start a new job. I think if you're lucky, you start a new job, you're excited about what you’re going to be working on, you come in the first day, you’re like, or else do this, you got your new e-mail address, you look in your inbox and there's no e-mails in there, because it's a new job, you look at your calendar and there's nothing on your calendar, because you're new. You're like, “Awesome. I'm here to do this.” There's something you're excited about some project. Let's do it.

You get into it and you start talking to people, meeting them, you start getting some one-on-one meetings on your calendar, you start getting some project updates, some stand-ups, some all-hands meetings. Pretty soon, the calendar is full of stuff and you can't make room to actually do your work. The inbox is full of stuff, and whether it's your inbox, or Slack, or whatever you're reacting all the time.

In modern life, we call this in the book the busy bandwagon. There's this expectation that's built-in by default, by the tools that we use and the structures that we use in our office culture. It's also a cultural norm. When you ask somebody how they're doing, they say usually, “I'm busy.” In the United States they’ll say, “I’m busy.”

That's good. People think like, “Oh, it's good to be busy,” and it is. I mean, it means you have a job. It implies that you're stressed out, and a lot of us are stressed out a lot of the time. Many of the changes that we talk about in the book and many of the things I've tried to do and it's hard, but it's questioning those defaults, and then trying to say – and I'm a designer. I've been a designer for 20 years. I try to think, “What's a way to redesign this, so that it works well for me? Works better for me?”

To give you an example on the iPhone, you don't have an iPhone. The default is you can have e-mail on the phone, you're going to have a web browser on the phone, you'll have Facebook and Instagram and Twitter. I realized several years ago, it's actually about six years ago, I was playing with my kids and I had this moment when I realized that I just was not – I was not present in that moment, because I kept looking at my phone. I was checking to see if I had a new e-mail, or I don't even really know what I was doing, but I had this moment when I was like, “Oh, my God.”

My older son was I think eight, my younger son was just a baby and I was like – I've seen the older son be a baby and go past that. I know that time passes by in a blink. I'm sitting here and I'm like, this this moment's going to be gone. Why is the phone so important to me? I'm not really consciously choosing to do this, it's just controlling me. In that moment I said, “I can take control of this. I can redesign this.”

I deleted Instagram, Facebook, Twitter off the phone. I figured out how to disable Safari off the phone. I deleted the e-mail account, which is really hard for me, because I used to work at Gmail. I mean, I've worked on that product. I really love that product actually. I realized, I don't need to have access to those things all the time everywhere I am. One of the new defaults in the world is that we have access to everything all the time, and that's part of what we have to get control of.

[0:09:42.1] MB: I love that idea of the busy bandwagon. It's so true. It's almost like a badge of honor in today's society to be busy, busy, busy, going from here to there, and all this stuff going on. I feel like most of the people want to appear busy, but they're mistaking busyness with actually creating results.

[0:10:01.2] JK: Absolutely. One of the things that's really key and in the book in Make Time and also in the design sprint process is focus, and it's being proactive and intentional about what the most important thing is, prioritizing ruthlessly on that one thing. In Make Time, we say every day you should pick a highlight at the beginning of the day. When I say highlight I mean, if I look back at this day when it's over, what would be the highlight of the day?

It could be something that's actually about work. Maybe you have some job that you just – you've got to get it done, but getting it done will be satisfying, because that it's important, it's urgent and I've just got to do it. It'll feel good to know that I got that chunk of that thing done. Or maybe it's something that actually bring you joy. It could just be that at the end of the day, I want to know that when I was with my family this evening having dinner, or when I took my kids to the playground, whatever it was, I was present during that moment. I was at full strength too. I had my best energy during that moment.

We think that starting off with that a little bit of intention and saying this is this one most important thing, if you just have one, then you can design your day around it. You can make sure that your energy level is high, you can make sure that your phone is away, that you're not being distracted during that moment.

Similarly in design sprint, we would craft each day around one big activity. I should say briefly what a design sprint is; it's a five-day process. It's highly structured to get rid of a lot of those bad office defaults and replace them with some really intentional steps that take advantage of things that we learned through the evidence of running the design sprint process over and over again, and also things that we learned from reading about psychology and reading about studies people had done, and really tried to apply. If you do these steps in this order, you'll basically get good results, you'll eliminate a lot of biases and you'll basically learn whether your project is on the right track.

In the sprint, on Monday you make them the whole team work together to make a map of the problem, on Tuesday of the team, each person sketches a competing solution, on Wednesday the team uses a structured process to make a decision, although it's not a democratic decision. On Thursday you build a prototype, on Friday you test it.

Anyway, it's one thing per day. Part of that idea of focusing on one thing per day I've seen work over and over again for all different kinds of teams. I've seen it work also for individuals and we found that when we applied that every day for ourselves, it just led to greater satisfaction and also greater accomplishments. I mean, you can do the kinds of things that you want to do only if you eliminate 90% of the stuff that we're reacting to that causes that appearance of busyness.

[0:12:39.0] MB: I love that, the idea of ruthless prioritization, and really being very, very cognizant of what our priorities are. Tell me a little bit more, for somebody who feels like they've got so many things going on and they have to do this and that and family life and all these other things, how can they step back and get clarity about what priorities are truly important?

[0:13:02.3] JK: Well, in the book we have over 80 different tactics that you can try, and we do not expect anyone to use all 80 tactics, because neither John nor I uses all 80. In fact, some of them are contradictory. There's some things that I have a certain approach to solving a problem that we have in the modern world. John is a different one and they actually compete with each other.

John does all these things to get up really early in the morning and do his highlight first thing before anyone's, any sane person who's woken up. I can't do that. I have kids. There's no way I'm getting up early and actually doing something productive. I got to do that in a different time. We talk about there's no secret solution for everyone, but there are a lot of different things you can try.

One thing that I love that's made a huge difference for me is starting off and stack ranking the big things in my life and doing this activity periodically, re-ranking the stack. For me, it's about saying, “Okay, what are the big projects?” I actually list – I mean, and this is going to sound really oversimplified, or maybe even callous, but I'll say family; that's a project, or writing a book, that might be a project.

I might have a project at work. Maybe I’ll just say work as a category as a project, or maybe I’ll be a little bit more granular, but I won't go down to the task level. It's at a pretty high level if I'm a runner, so where's running fall on there? I'll list out these four or five things that are the biggest things that are going on for me. Then I put them in order. After listing them out, I look at that then I say what's the most important thing right now? Then what's the second and what's the third and what's the fourth what's the fifth? I keep this list on my phone and I'll refer to it periodically and it's a tiebreaker for me.

One of the things that's really important is making that decision and saying like, “Look, for right now, things are going well with my family. Maybe I'm going to put my family second actually,” which sounds really awful, but there are times when your family comes first and there are times and realistically you've got a big thing going on, something you're trying to do and you need to put most of your effort most of the time into some other project, that's okay.

Sometimes the family does go out up there and obviously, they're always near the top of my list, if they're not on the top. It's about where, honestly where does the most of my energy need to go to right now? Then every day when I'm making a list, I use something that I call a burner list, and actually if your listeners can search for this post, I wrote a post about this called The Burner list. It’s my form of to-do list.

My to-do list only has two columns. The left column is my top priority project at that time, so whatever is the number one thing on that stack rank. The right-hand column has – half of it is the number two project and the other half, or the bottom of that second column is just miscellaneous stuff. That's it. If there's any other things that come up, any other tasks I just have to tell the person, “I'm sorry. I can't do it.” I have to say no.

I use that sheet of paper, that physical sheet of paper to limit what I can do. It's a combination of those two things making that list so that I know what the priorities are. Then just saying if it doesn't fit on the paper, it doesn't fit in my life. I found that that's actually a good representation of what I can pay attention to and do.

I think it's about finding those kinds of things starting to figure out where your – where is the edges of your capacity. You can use the tricks that I use, or some of the other tricks in our book if you like, but it's about that knowledge about yourself and figuring out what works, what doesn't work for you, but really where is the boundary of your time. When you know what's important and you know where the boundary is, then you can do the most important thing and say no.

[0:16:32.4] MB: I want to get into how to say no, because I think that's such an important skill and one that I feel in many ways it's almost lacking in modern-day society, but before we dive into that I just want to say that I really like the idea of just carving out even a little bit of time to get clarity on what you want to focus on. Even 30 minutes a week of just a – to borrow the term from Charles DeWitt like a contemplative routine of just saying, “Okay, what am I working on? What's going on in my life? Where should I be spending my time? What's working? What's not working?” Just even that tiny activity can sometimes create a lot of clarity.

[0:17:08.3] JK: Yeah, and I have found it's things like that, usually they sound good, but they're hard to put into practice. It sounds like, “Yeah, I should take some time to contemplate. It’s like, I should take some time to meditate. I should take some time to exercise, or do these things,” but it's really hard to do. A lot of what we try to do and Make Time was to take things that are hard to do really for real humans, because part of the challenge in life is that we hear so much about people like Elon Musk, who's the CEO of two companies and going to Mars.

Yeah, like Tim Ferriss. Tim Ferriss is a dude doing all these things, hyper optimizing his body and everything. We hear these things about these people and it’s great, they're impressive and we can learn from those people. It can't help, at least for me, but sometimes you just feel like, “God, I suck.” I look at what I'm doing and I'm like, “Man, I haven't launched zero rockets. I haven’t optimized my muscle tissue at all today.

That super humanity that we’re exposed to a lot makes it hard sometimes to even begin with the things that we need to do. The truth is I think that most of us, we’re not superhuman and we probably don't want to be. I'm not sure that most of us would be happy with those lifestyles. I think that this practice of reflecting and deciding what's important can become a part of your routine. For me, it's the routine is built into, again to my to-do list. Because I make my to-do list on paper and I think a lot of people do, chances are most of your listeners are not going to adopt my form of to-do list. You’re welcome to try it, but you probably keep doing some variation of your own thing.

When you rewrite your to-do list, if you do it on paper, that's a powerful moment, that's a moment when you can say, Okay, I'm going to put a little bit of structure on this. What's the most important project?” If you just write the name of the most important project on your paper and you give that a lot of the space on the paper and then you write the next most important project below it with a lot of room already eaten up, then you've already done half the job. You've already told yourself what was most important.

Now by default, you'll fill those things in, giving most of your attention, most of your priority to that number one thing. For me, that's the routine. It's just like every time the to-do list gets full, it gets a little bit stale. I've crossed a lot of things off and I'm redrawing it, I reconsider what's number one. In that way, it doesn't feel this hard-to-do artificial activity, it's quite natural.

[0:19:27.3] MB: I think in many ways that strategy is echoed by in a number of different realms, or fields. Even people like Tim Ferriss who talk about your most important tasks for the day, etc. Even if you can just accomplish the most important thing on your list, oftentimes just doing that is enough to create meaningful results, as long as you've selected the right thing to prioritize.

[0:19:47.7] JK: Absolutely. I think that while in the beginning, for me it was challenging to figure out each day what was the number one thing. A part of it is we like to think about the space that's between a task and a goal. There's not really a word for it. Task is very granular and it is easy in life to get caught up in reactive tasks, because they're so small.

Somebody e-mailed me and asked me to update the spreadsheet. I'm going to do that. Or somebody, I've got to run this this errand. It's easy to lose track of the goals, but the goals are so far off that they're hard to act on. You think what's the connection between this task and the goal.

In the book, we talked a lot about the space in between. That's what we call a highlight. We think that what you should try to go for each day is something more than one task. It's something that's a meaningful chunk. You should think in terms of clearing 60 to 90 minutes. We think if you can clear 60 to 90 minutes, if you can make that time and that's where the title of the book comes from, if you can make that time available to yourself, then you can do really remarkable things, and you can feel like you're doing the – you're living the life that – not the life that you always talk about putting off, “Someday we'll do that. Someday I'll get to that.” You can do that stuff now. It can happen now.

It's really that idea of making time that comes from you're either going to recover that time by literally moving your calendar around, and if you know that 60 to 90 minutes is what you want to get every day, then you start to block it off on your calendar in advance, you're proactive about it. Or you look ahead and you start to squeeze meetings and push them out of the way. You can bulldoze your calendar.

Or a lot of times we can recover time in our day by being more mindful of our energy, or by actually eliminating distraction. So much of our time is often destroyed by reacting to e-mail, reacting to social media, reacting to the news and controlling those things a little bit can also give you time back. We think it's actually you don't necessarily have to be more busy to get more done. It's about taking more control.

[0:21:54.5] MB: I really like the idea, or the insight of the space between the task and the goal. Tell me a little bit more about that.

[0:22:02.4] JK: This comes from a experience that my co-author John had. He talks about living in Chicago and the winter in Chicago and feeling the winter was just this blur of sleet and snow and freezing commutes. That he felt time was blurring by, and he and he realized at some point, he's like, it's not such as the weather. Actually, I'm just constantly reacting to what's going on in my e-mail inbox. I have these long-term goals.

The first thing he tried to do to get out of that rut of what felt like this work blur, and I’ve certainly, I've experienced it's like a lot of the years of my life, my working life, I couldn't tell you what really happened during those months, because it's just this work blur of meetings and e-mail. I think it's quite natural to have that go by. We can't remember every single moment of our lives, but you also don't have to totally accept that, right?

He started feeling the way out of this is long-term goals. I'm going to figure out what my long-term goals are and make sure I'm not just reacting to this forever. He started thinking about that, those goals. He felt there was this gap between those goals, which were really exciting and they were out there in the distance and what was happening for him every day. To turn this into a personal story, for me, for years I wanted to write. I want to write books.

It was something that was this long-term goal and I figured – I never even really defined when some day was. It was in the back of my head. It was like this thing I want to do someday. I took a creative writing class in college, didn't like my writing very much. I didn't like my own writing and thought, “I don't know if I'm really good at this. I'm going to keep doing what I know how to do, which is computer stuff.” I put it off. 

Having that thing as a long-term goal, it's good to know that you have a long-term goal to do something. If you're not actually working on it, if you're not taking steps on it, then it effectively doesn't exist. For John, the switch became figuring out that if he taped one thing to focus on each day, he could build enough meaningful traction on that thing to get something done, to actually start to make meaningful progress on his goals.

One of his big goals has been sailing. For him, he was just trying to figure out like, “Okay, what do I need to do to start to get better at sailing, so that I'm a more confident sailor?” For me it was about, with writing, it was finally 12 years after I dropped that class in college when I was in my early 30s working at Google I realized, “If I don't start writing that book now, I may never do it. I need to start clearing the time. I need to start making the time to do it every day, and I'm going to start doing it in the evening.”

Then once I that I'm doing that thing I'm so excited about and I'm clearing a meaningful chunk for it, then I was motivated to try to figure out how to make that work, how to create that time. I think the same was true for John. Once you started to have that goal, not be a someday far-off thing and you started to say, “I want to do it now,” you want to do more than just a little task. You want to do more than just a little piece of it. You want to do something meaningful. That motivation is part of what makes this whole idea work.

It's the same thing with our design sprints. We felt like, if a team was trying to make some subtle change in the way they worked, it's a lot harder. When you have one really important thing that you're excited about and you can channel that excitement and then you can – it's actually easier to make a bigger change, because you're excited. You're not doing it, because you feel you have to. When we talk about exercise and we talk about exercise a bit in the book, but it's not exercising because you have to do it, or because it's going to make you healthy, it's because it gives you energy to do the thing you want to do today. That's a reason to do it.

If you want to eat well, it's because eating well will give you energy to do the thing you want to do today. I believe that's actually much more powerful for behavior change than talking about there's a study and people performed this way, or that way. If you can actually make a real meaningful connection, and I've seen that happen again and again and again for all kinds of different teams in our sprints, that they're able to really muster their best efforts, their best energy and transform the way they work when that is associated with a near-term meaningful chunk of work, that's it's more than a task and it gets them on the road to that goal that they're excited about.

[0:26:11.3] MB: I think that's a great idea. I love the idea of tying goals to creating meaningful connections to your goals that helps create motivation. I'm curious, I want to circle back to a comment you made earlier, which I think is really, really important as well, which is the fact that there's this opportunity to recover time within our days by spending less time in a reactive state.

[0:26:34.0] JK: Yeah, so one of the things that I've noticed that happens for me is I wake up in the morning and I want to check my e-mails so bad. I love e-mail. I have loved e-mail since I was a kid. When the first time I saw e-mail, and I think it's about the first and almost anybody saw e-mail, maybe except for Al Gore and Vint Cerf, or something. 

In the early 90s, I had a friend who's way into computers. He's like, “Check out this thing. It's called e-mail.” I was amazed. At first, the only person I could e-mail was my friend, Ian. Even  only being able to e-mail one person who lived a couple miles away from me, I was just like, “This is fantastic. This is the best thing ever.”

I've tried to convince girls to talk to me on e-mail and this is in high school and which was not effective, even though I told them. It’s like, “This is so cool. It's the future.” Yes, but they were not into it. I think had more to do with me than with e-mail. Eventually, e-mail obviously caught on and I have loved e-mail for my whole life. I spent years working on the Gmail team building features for Gmail.
I don't know. I love it. I don't know why. It's really amazing to me. I think for a lot of people, we are either tied to it, or addicted to it for different reasons. I actually love it. I think it's a miraculous communication medium. When I wake up in the morning, I want to check so bad to see what's new. I know that there's going to be new stuff. Somebody probably and maybe another time zone might have wrote me an e-mail.

If there's not a new e-mail, there's certainly something new on the news, or on Twitter. I love Twitter. I know that one of those things is going to have something new for me and it's going to take very little effort for me to get interested in something and feel caught up. That feeling of caught up is what I want. I want that feeling of newness and caught upness. That's what I'm going for in the morning. If I do that, I've also recognized and I'm sure many folks can relate, if I do that in the morning, then all of a sudden I have broken.

I didn't recognize I had, which was silence. When I woke up in the morning, in my brain there was silence. It’s sprung up like a reset. There's quiet, I have this chance to set my intention for the day and start doing what I want to do without reacting to what the world wants me to do. As soon as I open that e-mail inbox, as soon as I even look at the news headlines, or skim through Twitter to see what people are talking about, I'm starting to react. My attention has become plugged with Swiss cheese holes. The foundation that I might have for my day is now a weak one. It's Swiss cheese, it's not concrete, it's not that solid stable calm base that I woke up with.

It took me a long time to even recognize that that was happening. Even though I know that that will happen, I still struggle every day to not do it. It's a challenge. That’s a very strong temptation. In fact, I uses a software called Freedom. Freedom is a software that lets you – you can actually schedule turning off your internet access. I used to use a vacation timer. I would plug my internet router into the vacation timer and just set it, so the default again, as a designer I want to control the default and I want to make the default – it's off. I don't want that to be the first thing I do. I don't even want it to be a temptation.

I want to keep my quiet bubble until 10:00 AM, maybe noon when I've had the chance to do some work. That's just all about my intention in the morning. That's some concrete example of how I approach that every day.

[0:30:05.0] MB: I think that's great. I mean, as somebody who's obviously been intimately involved in building the Gmail app, I think it's a great insight in how to have a healthy relationship with our inbox. There's a great tool that I use as well called Inbox When Ready, which I think is probably very similar, but it's really, really simple. It's a little button at the top of your Gmail that you can click it at any time and just show your inbox. The default is just to hide your inbox.

Now instead of sitting down on a computer and see my inbox and suddenly get sucked into 45 minutes of e-mail, it's hidden and I'm saying “Oh, what was that project I was going to spend 45 minutes on? Okay, perfect. Now I can come back to my inbox when I'm ready to get roped into that reactive state.”

[0:30:45.6] JK: Yeah, those defaults are so powerful. The thing is that there's a lot of talk about this and there's a lot of people smarter than us. I don't mean smarter than you and I, but smarter than me and John and talking about – they’re not smarter than you Matt, but smarter than me and John talking about what should the social media companies be doing and which of these big tech companies be doing on and so on.

It's an important conversation to have. Our take on this is that – I mean, having worked inside a lot of these companies and having friends inside the ones that I haven't, if I haven't actually worked inside them, I probably know folks who have. They're good people. The people who work at tech companies like me with e-mail, they're passionate about technology and they want to bring the future to life, and they want to bring the future to their customers.

I think 99.999 times out of a 100, you've got folks who want to do well. They're building products that actually do for the most part, improve our lives. I mean, the things that you can do with a smartphone are amazing, and I'm so happy to go on a run and listen to a podcast. I'm so happy to be in a foreign city and be able to navigate it with maps. There's all these things that are really futuristic and amazing with our phones. The problem is we have to take all of it all of the time. We can complain about the tech companies and say they need to be more mindful of our attention, they need to give us better defaults. We should do that, we should demand better defaults. That's good.

I believe that the tech companies will get better at this over time. It's hard to know though what's the right thing for every person. It's hard to know exactly how much you should give the customer control versus how much you should mandate control. Our approach is to say, as a consumer of these things, as an individual, you need to decide what's right for you, and then you need to create your own default. Don't wait for somebody else to do it for you. Don't wait for everybody to make your life perfect for you with tools. Do it now and figure out what you want now and today and start today.

In some cases, it is a matter of applying tools to the phone, or the computer, or whatever to take control over it and mandate those defaults for yourself. In some cases, it's about using paper instead of a screen when you can. In some cases, it's about just having that daily intention. All of those things start to set your own intention and your own defaults ahead of what the world has organically grown to demand a view, which is your attention on this, your attention on that. 
You have to make your own choices and put those first.

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[0:34:29.2] MB: I think that comes back to something we touched on a moment ago, which is when the world is putting all these demands on us, especially in a professional context, what are some of the strategies we can use to say no?

[0:34:42.3] JK: Yeah, saying no is super hard. I think there's good advice for saying no out there, but a lot of it – the advice that I've read comes from people who are either so successful that it makes sense that they're saying no. I've heard a lot of examples of like, here’s how this billionaire entrepreneur says no. I'm like, “Well, I can't say no like that. People know why that person is saying no, but I can't say no to my friends, or somebody who wants to have a meeting with me, or something. I can't say no in that same way, because I don't have that same – it's not obvious that I'm busy. I'm not Steven Spielberg. I'm not that busy.”

Then there's another kind of saying no that's just really blunt, like being really blunt. That's good. It's good to be honest, but that's also hard for me. I’m a little bit of a softie, like if somebody asked me to do something, I want to say yes. I want to be helpful. We talked about this a little bit in Make Time, and the approach that we try to use is to have a prepared statement, a prepared line that you're going to use ahead of time.

You can you can figure out what you're going to say and be prepared for how you're going to say no. For us, this is something that we learned from a friend of ours, a colleague of ours at Google. Her name is Kristen and she's really good at saying no, but she also does it in a way that is socially, I think really smooth. It doesn't feel bad when Kristen says that she can't come to a certain meeting, or take on a project. She does it in a way that everyone respects.

She calls it a sour patch kid. She says the idea is that you're going to be when you eat a sour patch kid, if anybody seen that the commercials for sour patch kids, so the first taste is sour and then it's sweet on the inside. It’s sour in the beginning and sweet ending. For Kristen, you just say like, “I can't do that. I have too many commitments right now to do that project. What I can do is offer you this other suggestion. I might know another person for whom this might be a good opportunity, or at the very least I can say this sounds like a really exciting project and I wish you the best with it.” Or if it's true that you want to work with the person again sometime in the future you say, “Look forward to having another chance to work with you in the future.”

What's key about it is that the sweet part at the end is sincere. If you offer something, if you offer another connection, it has to be useful and you have to really believe that that person will be a helpful resource to the person you're saying no to. If you say that you'd like to work together again in the future, don't say it unless you mean it. A sincere sour patch kid, we think is a really good way to say no.

You start off by saying like, “I can't do this. I don't have time to do it,” but you offer something else. For me, using that technique has allowed me to feel a lot better about saying no. I've also found that I will – when I find myself in situations where I'm in person, sometimes it's a lot harder for me in person to say no to people, because all of my instincts to want to say yes are just it's just harder for me in person.

I mean, it's tough. It's tough to say no to somebody's face. I'll hedge and I'll say, I have promised to myself that I won't commit to things in person until I’ve had a chance to think about it. Then I'll get back to the person over e-mail. Sometimes I'll still say yes, if it's something that I really wanted to do. Sometimes just creating a bit of separation is helpful. You know who you are. If you're like me and you are likely to want to please other people and say yes to them, then you want to have those strategies ready in advance, so that you don't get caught off guard. Because saying yes to something is a really effective way to not do your own priorities.

It's a really effective way to have those someday projects remain someday projects. You’re saying yes to somebody else's project can create – John, my co-author calls them barnacles. They're like barnacles on the hole of your of your ship. They don't go away. Barnacles really just don't go away.

[0:38:42.1] MB: I'm a people pleaser as well. I always have a hard time saying no to people. I love the idea of deferring in person asks to a later time, because that gives you the space to really come back and say no at a later date when you're not face to face with them and feel this pressure obligation to say yes.

[0:39:01.3] JK: Yeah, there's also – this is one of the things we do in the design sprint process is try to construct a situation, where a team can make a really good decision. I'll take a little random tangent for a second into the design sprint process, because I think it's an important one to consider when people are asking you to do things. Whether it's at work, or in your personal life when people ask you to do things, really the reality is that you have many options with how you can spend your time. Even if you work in a very constrained environment, most of us still have some choice about how we spend our effort in the office, at home, wherever it might be.

You've got to, in order to make the best choices about your time, look at all of those options at once. There's many of those options as you can at once. To use the example from the design sprint, what we found was that and I experienced this over and over working on projects at Microsoft and Google, and I learned that this happens inside. I mean, the best startups in the world this happens – this is just human nature.  You consider solutions to problems, usually one at a time.

Somebody comes up with an idea, you start talking about that idea and you say, “Okay, is that viable? Is that idea good enough? A lot of whether we consider the idea is good enough might have to do with when the idea is introduced. Are we ready to act on it now? Who introduced the idea? Do we have any biases about this person? Were they able to effectively give a verbal sales pitch for it, or they've able to effectively put together some kind of a presentation, or a prototype of it that shows the idea?

People have different abilities to do those things. They have different levels of credibility. A lot of times those biases and the timing and all those things will wrongly influence us towards making poor decision. If you can lay all of the possible paths out at once, you make a much better decision. There's been, I think a lot of the studies and a lot of just smart people talking about this, a book I love on this topic is Decisive by Chip and Dan Heath. It's just about making good decisions in work and in life.

One of the key things is you got to consider multiple options at once to make the best choice. If somebody's asking you to do something, if they want you to – maybe you're being asked to take on a project at work, somebody wants you to give a presentation, or they want you to – even somebody wants you to mentor them at work, or somebody wants you to join a team, little things can quickly become these long-term ongoing commitments.

If you can take a step back and get out of that situation and then on your own quiet time have a moment to consider what are all the things, what are the things this competes with? Once I put this on my calendar and I see it on my calendar week after week after week, what does that actually feel like? Then you're in a much better situation to make a wise choice about what's best for you. As it turns out, it is also a lot easier to say no over e-mail.

[0:41:49.8] MB: Let's dig into that a little bit more. I love the idea of creating situations where people can make really good decisions. Tell me more about how to structure those environments and what some of the key factors are.

[0:42:02.6] JK: Yeah, sure. To do that, I'll dive in a little to the design sprint, because ultimately that's what the design sprint became. I mean, it started out for me as a way to – I was working at Google. I had been working on this project that ultimately became Google Hangouts. In the beginnings of that project, we went for so long just going nowhere. We were talking about these ideas. There’s this notion at Google on a 20% project, or at least there used to be. It’s been a long time, but I think it still exists.

You do something in your 20% time. 20% of your time, you could work on any project you wanted and a lot of times cool stuff would come from that. I think that that is originally how Gmail was started, with somebody's 20% project. Google Hangouts was also a 20% project in the early, early days. We could we could not get the project going. We were just working on it an hour here, an hour there. We talk about it, or make some mock-ups on the computer, or do some – little bit of hacking here and there.

It stretched out over a couple of years. Then there was this week where I was together with two other folks who were working on the project, and we were in the Google office in Stockholm and it was in January. If you've ever been to Stockholm in January, you would know that you have no reason to want to go outside. This is really dark and cold and miserable. At any rate, we just stayed inside for a week in this and we basically cleared our schedules for a week, the three of us and we made a prototype of the product and started being able to use it inside Google to do video meetings, and it stuck.

That was this catalyst, like this moment for that project, because it went from being this thing that was just an idea, an interesting idea to being something that people were could tangibly say, “Okay, that's what it would look like,” and it was in customers hands. Our customers in that case were fellow Googlers, but it was so different than what had happened the previous two years.

I thought about all the projects that I had worked on building software up until that point, and how there were these times when almost nothing happened, when you're just in a normal work routine. You’re chipping away and chipping away and chipping away, and sometimes there's churn, you get going one direction, you got to change direction later. What happened in that week was we were focused, we were all just doing the same thing. We weren't bouncing from project A, to project B, to project C. We weren't switching context. We had a deadline, because we knew we were only going to be physically in the same place for a limited amount of time, so we got an amazing amount done.

In the beginning with the design sprint, I just thought if I could recreate those situations where you've got some pressure to get something done, you've got everybody focused on one thing, not dividing their attention, and you have to for some reason create a prototype, make a decision, make forward progress and put this thing in the hands of your customers all in one week, it's actually possible to move that fast if you focus, and if maybe if I come up with the right recipe we could do this again and again.

That's where the design sprint originally came from was that idea, in trying to change the way Google started projects. It ended up being useful outside, to teams outside of Google as well. The thing that happened over time was that process evolved into really trying to figure out how can you help a team work together in the best way, and ultimately how can you help them make the best decision.

I think there's two big parts to making that decision well, and one of them is what I talked about a little bit, which is making sure that you're really considering opinionated, competing, conflicting solutions. You create an environment where it's healthy to have a disagreement. It's usually uncomfortable to disagree with people. If I disagree with someone in person, I find it uncomfortable to have that conversation. If you disagree on paper and you make it anonymous and actually in the sprints, we have every person – we don't do a group brainstorm where people shout out loud, because I found those yield very shallow results. Actually, a number of studies have found this as well if you do a group brainstorm and you compare that to individuals working on their own, the individuals will create better solutions.

That's what happens in the sprint. Every person comes up with their own solution. They write it down in great detail on paper, so everyone is on paper, it's a level playing field and they're anonymous, so I can't tell whose is whose when they go up on the wall. Then you evaluate those solutions on the wall. A big part of it is figuring out which of those solutions do we think is the strongest. Now we've stripped away a lot of biases, we've run a process in the sprint to evaluate them really quickly so that to the degree we can, we mute the recency bias that would happen with talking about the one that we looked at most recently.

Then we have everybody vote for the one they think is the strongest and give their argument for which one, which solution they believe is the strongest. Then the decision-maker, there's one decision-maker who actually chooses. What we've done there is we've allowed the decision-maker to hear an argument from the different experts on her team. The engineering expert makes a pitch for one solution, maybe there's a product expert, or marketing expert who makes a pitch for a different solution, or maybe the same ones. Ultimately, the decision-maker has complete control over which solutions are chosen.

That decision-maker gets to choose two or even three different solutions. You prototype all three of them and then on Friday, you test them with customers. What you've done then is to make the decision even better by saying you don't have to narrow down to just one, you can choose two or three, and we're going to give you data right away. We're going to give you some really quick and dirty data about how people react to using this product.

The sprint effectively is this supercharged decision-making tool. It's very artificial and very different than the way humans normally make decisions in offices, or in teams, which is quite – it's often just by our gut, or by our emotion, or by our hunches. It's a way to really try to perfect those hunches. By really in a calculated, very specific way strip away biases and foster a constructive disagreement.

[0:48:01.1] MB: I love the idea of fostering conflicting opinions in a way that is healthy and it's easy to have those disagreements without the biases and the inherent challenges, that when somebody's pitching an idea verbally.

[0:48:14.5] JK: Yeah, it's an interesting thing that we want to agree with each other in person, a lot of us. Sometimes the people who do really well, they're really effective in leadership positions, it's because they're jerks. They're willing to disagree and they're willing to fight a little bit. I'm sure we've all had people like that in our lives in one way, or another. It can be really effective to disagree, but for many of us it's difficult. For most of us also, those kinds of situations where we're talking to somebody one-on-one, or we’re in a meeting and we have a disagreement are not comfortable.

Also, we're not all equally good at having those kinds of arguments. If you're introverted and you're in a meeting where an extrovert is making a sales pitch for their idea. Arguing down the criticisms about that idea, it can be hard to be effective in that situation. Or just the environment of the office, it favors people who are willing to argue for their opinion and who are also extroverted and are also – have for whatever reason, got this sort of people on the team have an opinion about them that they're – that they know what they're talking about, and they've built respect on the team, one way or another.

That respect is often, it's for a good reason, but sometimes it's not. What I've found is that by really deconstructing what do you want to have happen, well what you want to have happen is you want to allow people to consider multiple approaches. An example of this is we've ran a sprint with Slack. I talk about the story in the book and Slack was considering – they're going to be running a big ad campaign and this was early on in the history of the company, they knew that this ad campaign was a really big deal for them. They didn't know if they were going to have another chance to run a big ad campaign, to have as many new people coming in to Slack as they would at that moment.

For them it was a big moment, because they had had a lot of really fast growth right after the first year that Slack was launched, but it was almost all in tech companies. Tech companies were familiar with different kinds of messaging tools, tech companies had a lot of conversations among – people would talk friends to friends and other companies and say, “Hey, we're using this tool. It's really cool.” The word-of-mouth is really strong for them. They wanted to move beyond – they didn't want to be just a tool for tech companies. they want to move beyond that. In order to do that, they were going to have to reach new customers, this ad campaign was going to be super expensive, but it gave them a chance to have new folks coming in to slack.com saying, “What's this thing all about? I’ve seen a billboard. I've seen a magazine ad, or TV ad. What's this all about?”

They knew it's going to be tough to explain Slack to those folks, because slack is a thing, if you're listening, if you've used Slack at your office, it doesn't really work unless you're using it with your whole team. If your whole team is already using it, then it makes sense what the advantages might be over e-mail. If you're not, if you're just reading about it, it's a little hard to get.

What they decided to do in their sprint, ultimately they chose two competing solutions. You can imagine, first there's a team of six people, or seven people in the room and they each come up with their own solution for how this should be solved. One of those solutions is the CEOs favorite solution, and the CEO is a super smart guy, this guy Stewart Butterfield. He founded Flickr, so you guys might know Flickr, the photo sharing app. Then he also founded Slack and he's got great product sense.

He had this idea that was super clever. Actually his idea was what we're going to do to simulate having the experience of using Slack, is we're going to take a bunch of bots, we're going to program bots to act like they're a team, and you'll get dropped into Slack with these bots and they're going to share files with you and talk about that meeting that we just had and invite you to lunch, just as if this was a real team operating inside Slack. Super smart idea, super ambitious.

That was one of the solutions. Then there's these other competing solutions of the way other people's imagined solving this problem of explaining Slack to these people who have come in after seeing like a magazine ad for it. Their sprint, what they're able to do is not just have a conversation about what's the smartest idea, what's our best hunch, not just have the conversations based on, “Well, Stewart says we should do this, so we should probably do this.” Or try to have a faction of people.

I mean, and I'm just talking about what's happened in my experience. A lot of times, if I disagreed with a leader, I might try to get other people on my side, or try to as a designer make a really nice-looking, high-fidelity design of my solution and propose that as this high-stakes Hail Mary to change course. There's all these weird political things that might happen. Or we might just do what the CEO suggested. I mean, many of those things are possible.

In the sprint, what we try to do is say, “Okay, really quickly we're going to put some detail behind a bunch of competing solutions one from each person, and then we're going to evaluate those without knowing whose is whose, although we can probably guess.” We know the CEO’s favorite idea, like we've talked about that before, so we'll recognize it on the wall.

Then the CEO decides. In this case, what happened is they decided to choose that idea of the team of bots, that really clever idea of having the bots talk to you and simulate what it's like to use Slack. Then somebody had done this really detailed straightforward little speech bubbles that came up and just told you what the key features of Slack were.

You would go into Slack and it would just be these little like, “Here's the channels and you can search through all this history across all of everybody in the company,” things like that. They prototype those two things and they built realistic prototypes of those two. For the prototype of the bot team, they had people in the sprint actually pretending to be bots typing not too intelligent messages to each to test customer who came in. Then they mocked up what the other one would look in a very realistic way, and then showed it to customers as if there were two finished products.

This is all a space of a week, so they've gone from zero to on Friday testing this with customers. It turned out actually that the CEO’s idea was super confusing to people. People who were in that simulation were like, “What is going on? Why is that person I don't really know, or is it a robot or is the computer talking to me? I don't want to go to lunch with a bot.” It just didn't make sense. It was an idea that sounded brilliant on the whiteboard and just did not translate to real life, even though it was a really faithful, realistic simulation of what that solution would look like.

It turned out that the very straightforward, well-written, very detailed idea for those speech bubbles worked great. The messages that person had chosen worked great. Now that's the solution that didn't sound very good and the abstract didn't sound very creative, it didn't sound very unique, wasn't flashy, but it worked really well. It was only through having the chance to put detail behind that disagreement, and not just have a verbal disagreement. It was only through anonymizing the solution, so we didn't know who's this was. Also through having the chance to not commit immediately to one solution, but keep multiple solutions alive that they were able to make what turned out to be the best choice.

That's what in great detail, what that really structured, active and constructive disagreement can look like. It doesn't look like disagreement. I mean, that actually feels a process it feels like a process of elimination. It's a really healthy process. Effectively, it's an argument. It's a really good, really detailed argument and an argument with a great result.

[0:55:51.8] MB: That's a great example, and really showcases why it's so important to create the environments that allow that conversation to happen. I'm curious, for somebody who's listening and wants to concretely implement some of the themes and ideas we've talked about today, what would be a starting point or an action item that you would give them to begin implementing some of the things we've talked about?

[0:56:13.3] JK: Well, the obvious one and this is very self-serving, but both of the books, the new one and sprint. Sprint and Make Time, and you can find both of them on Amazon, or wherever you shop for books, although you have to pre-order Make Time. They're both designed to be very actually actionable, so one thing that I've struggled with in reading books that had interesting ideas over the years is how I put them into practice. Both of those books are almost cookbooks. They're really meant to be DIY guides for doing the things that we think will help.

If you wanted to just take one step towards changing what you were doing in your daily life, or at work, the first step I would recommend people take towards doing a sprint is to do something called a lightning decision jam. This actually didn't come up with this. There's a consulting agency in Berlin called AJ&Smart who have converted their whole business actually to running, they just run design sprints now, and they have an amazing list of clients they work with; Lufthansa and Dita's and Lego, just amazing companies.

One of the things that they developed is this 30-minute, 60-minute process for making a decision. It is a microcosm of the things you would do in a design sprint. If you search for lightning decision jam either on YouTube or on Google, you're going to come up with a post, or this video about how to do it. It's quite easy to do. It's so much better than the way most meetings are typically run. It's just a very simple recipe for a meeting. That's a great way to start with your way towards running a design sprint at the office, just introduces those ideas.

Then the thing I would suggest for people who are interested in the Make Time idea and maybe you're waiting. The book comes out September 25th, so if you're listening before then, then book is not out yet. How it recommends trying a couple things. First one is to think about what is your distraction kryptonite, what's the one thing for you that just gets you? For me, it's e-mail, for some people it's Facebook, for some people it might be Instagram, could be Twitter, it could be all kinds of different things, maybe Snapchat, maybe it's the news. What's just the one thing? You don't have to change your life. What's the one thing that you feel like when you look at it, you feel regret, when you look at it on your phone maybe, you feel regret, you feel like you didn't spend that time well, and delete it and go without it for 24 hours, or go without it for a week.

Make a decision about how long you're going to go without it and delete the app, log off, maybe even if you're feeling really bad about it, delete your account, but you can make a choice to go away from it for a day, or a week and see what happens to your head. I think that's a powerful thing. That's been really powerful for me.

The other thing I'd suggest is just today, think about what's the one most important thing I'm going to do today, write it down on a piece of paper, put it on your desk, or if it's on a sticky note, stick it to your phone, or something and try to do that one thing by the end of the day and see how that feels. If that feels good, do it again tomorrow. I think those simple little kinds of changes like that can have a profound difference. 

One of the philosophies that runs through all of the work I've done and the experiments I've run on myself and on these unwitting companies that had to come in and do design sprints on with me, is that we're actually often quite close to things working beautifully. We're often quite close to a situation where we can do the projects we want to do, be present with people who we want to be present with, make time for the things that matter the most to us. It's often a small shift that will get you there. It may not have to transform your life. It might be a really small thing that gets you on that path. Yeah, give that a shot.

[0:59:54.1] MB: Where can listeners find you and your work online?

[0:59:57.6] JK: You can find me at jakeknapp.com and despite all my talk about distraction, I am on Twitter @JK. The Make Time book is available at maketimebook.com and you can find more about sprint on the sprintbook.com.

[1:00:14.6] MB: Well, Jake. Thank you so much for coming on the show sharing all this knowledge. Obviously you have a tremendous amount of experience creating and cultivating these environments where people can be more productive and effective. Thank you so much for sharing all that wisdom with us.

[1:00:28.4] JK: My pleasure. Thanks for having me on and for listening to me ramble. I appreciate it. It's a lot of fun.

[1:00:33.9] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you our listeners master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story, or just say hi, shoot me an e-mail. My e-mail is matt@successpodcast.com. That’s M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener e-mail.

I'm going to give you three reasons why you should sign up for our e-mail list today by going to successpodcast.com, signing up right on the homepage. There are some incredible stuff that’s only available to those on the e-mail list, so be sure to sign up, including an exclusive curated weekly e-mail from us called Mindset Monday, which is short, simple, filled with articles, stories, things that we found interesting and fascinating in the world of evidence-based growth in the last week. 

Next, you're going to get an exclusive chance to shape the show, including voting on guests, submitting your own personal questions that we’ll ask guests on air and much more. Lastly, you’re going to get a free guide we created based on listener demand, our most popular guide, which is called how to organize and remember everything. You can get it completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide by signing up and joining the e-mail list today. Again, you can do that at successpodcast.com, sign up right at the homepage, or if you're on the go, just text the word “smarter”, S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44222. 

Remember, the greatest compliment you can give us is a referral to a friend either live or online. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us an awesome review and subscribe on iTunes because that helps boost the algorithm, that helps us move up the iTunes rankings and helps more people discover the Science of Success. 

Don't forget, if you want to get all the incredible information we talked about in the show, links transcripts, everything we discussed and much more, be sure to check out our show notes. You can get those at successpodcast.com, just hit the show notes button right at the top. 

Thanks again, and we'll see you on the next episode of the Science of Success.


May 10, 2018 /Lace Gilger
Focus & Productivity
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Profound Insights In Brain Science Revealed During A Stroke? with Dr. Jill Taylor

May 03, 2018 by Lace Gilger in Emotional Intelligence, Mind Expansion

In this episode, we explore the brain. Are the two halves of the brain really that different? What is the idea of whole brain thinking? How do you get your brain to do what you want it to do? Can we become more “right brained” or “left brained” if we want to? And we also dig into the personal story of our guest - a neuroanatomist who suffered from a devastating stroke - and how the experience transformed her worldview - with our guest Dr. Jill Taylor. 

Dr. Jill Taylor is a Harvard-trained and published neuroanatomist. She is the bestselling author of her memoir My Stroke Of Insight which recounts her experience and recovery after a severe stroke, which left her unable to walk, read, write, or recall any of her life. Here iconic TED talk has been viewed over 22 million times and her work has been featured all over the globe from Oprah to the New York Times and more.

  • Are the two halves of the brain really completely disconnected?

  • The right hemisphere and the left hemisphere process the world completely differently 

  • Whole brain thinking - how to think about yourself and the world in a holistic way by integrating both hemispheres into your thinking process 

  • The different hemispheres have different value structures and ways of perceiving the world 

  • Every ability we have is a result of brain cells that perform that function - if those cells go away, we lose that function

  • The more you practice/use a group of cells in the brain, the more automatically those cellular networks run - that’s true for an athlete training, and it's also true for how we think and act in the world 

  • Whatever cells we exercise become dominant, and those begin to shape our thinking and action

  • Is it true that people can be more left brained or right brained?

  • How you can engage processing in the hemisphere that you are less dominant in

  • How do you get your brain to do you want it to do?

  • Self-awareness is a KEY component and the first step 

    1. Get an understanding of how much time you’re spending with each brain hemisphere being dominant

    2. Do your brain hemisphere’s get along?

  • Each of your own cognitive minds (left and right hemisphere) have their own emotional limbic systems

  • What should someone do if they don’t feel like they have the power or don’t understand how to CHOOSE which hemisphere to engage?

  • Look at your own patterning and begin understanding how you react to given situations

  • How do shape your reactions to negative emotional experiences

  • The importance of observing your emotions instead of engaging in them - the simple fact that you’re alive and capable of having an experience of the negative experience is a powerful thing 

  • Why is not the question its the WOW

  • We all get caught up in the oh my gosh, I'm so important - when really we are just stardust

  • The incredible story of how Dr. Taylor’s own stroke was a profound experience

  • The experience of being one with everything that came from Dr. Taylor’s stroke

  • Mindfulness research shows that certain thought patterns can transform and change our brain circuitry 

  • Is the idea that we are separate from everything else a controlled illusion maintained by the brain?

  • The profound lessons that come from having your entire left hemisphere shut down

  • What is neuroplasticity? Is it possible to change our brain?

  • Neuroplasticity is a fundamental property of the neurological system

  • Homework “pay attention to what’s inside of your head"

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SHOW NOTES, LINKS, & RESEARCH

[Personal Site] Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor
[TEDTalk] My stroke of insight | Jill Bolte Taylor
[TEDTalk] The Neuroanatomical Transformation of the Teenage Brain: Jill Bolte Taylor at TEDxYouth@Indianapolis

Episode Transcript


[00:00:06.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:11.8] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success; the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the internet with more than a million downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries and part of the self-help for smart people podcast network.

In this episode, we explore the brain; are the two halves of the brain really that different? What is the idea of whole brain thinking? How do you get your brain to do what you want it to do? Can we become more right-brained, or left-brained if we want to? We also dig into the personal story of our guest, a neuroanatomist who suffered from a devastating stroke and how that experience transformed her worldview with our guest, Dr. Jill Taylor.

I'm going to give you three reasons why you should join our e-mail list today, by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the home page. There's some amazing stuff that's only available to our e-mail subscribers, so be sure to sign up and join the e-mail list today. First, you're going to get an awesome free guide that we created based on listener demand. This is our most popular guide and it's called how to organize and remember everything, which you can get completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide. You got to sign up to find out by joining the e-mail list today.

Next, you're going to get a curated weekly e-mail from us every week called a Mindset Monday. Our listeners have been absolutely loving this e-mail; it's short, it's simple, it's filled with articles, videos, stories, things we found interesting or fascinating in the last week. Lastly, you're going to get exclusive content and a chance to shape the show. You can help us vote on guests, you can help us change our intro music and much more, you can even submit your own questions to upcoming guests, you also have access to exclusive giveaways that only people who are on the e-mail list get access to and much, much more. Be sure to sign up and join the e-mail list. There's some incredible stuff, but only subscribers who are on the e-mail list are getting access to this awesome information.

In our previous episode, we took a deep scientific look at consciousness. We asked how do our brains experience reality? What is consciousness? Is our perception of reality nothing more than a controlled hallucination? What is the hard problem of consciousness and what are the major aspects of consciousness? How can we use the neuroscience of consciousness to better understand ourselves and improve our lives? We dug into that and much more with our guest, Anil Seth. If you want to learn how to understand your own reality at a much deeper level, listen to that episode.

Now for the show.

[0:03:05.8] MB: Today, we have another awesome guest on the show, Dr. Jill Taylor. Dr. Jill is a Harvard-trained and published neuroanatomist. She's the best-selling author of her memoir My Stroke of Insight, which recounts her experience in recovery after a severe stroke which left her unable to walk, read, write or recall any of her life.

Her iconic TED Talk has been viewed over 22 million times and her work has been featured all over the globe from Oprah, to The New York Times and much more. Dr. Jill, welcome to the Science of Success.

[0:03:35.7] JT: Thanks, Matt. It’s great to be here.

[0:03:37.5] MB: Well, we're really excited to have you on the show today. I mean, your stories are obviously fascinating and I was just recently re-watching your TED talk and almost teared up. It’s just so gripping and interesting. I'd love to start out with getting – beginning with the science and then getting into some of your personal experiences around that.

Tell me about the brain. Is it really true that we have two halves of the brain that are essentially largely disconnected and operate independently of each other?

[0:04:04.4] JT: The two hemispheres are connected to one another through some 300 million axonal fibers; the portion of the brain that communicates with itself. One area in my right hemisphere is communicating with fibers, with the comparables place in the left hemisphere. Whenever any thought or idea is flashing through our brains, both hemispheres are on full force.

However, there's generally an inhibition from one side to the other so that one side becomes more dominant in that particular portion of the brain. Both sides are constantly working, but they're working as a single thing. They're making decisions about who's going to dominate the conversation, or who's going to dominate the experience that you're having, and it turns out that yes, the two hemispheres are processing information very differently. Whereby, the right hemisphere starts with a small group of cells that communicates with more cells, with more cells, with more cells, so it filters the world and attends to the world from the bigger picture perspective.

Whereby, the left hemisphere is just the opposite where it starts with a bigger group of cells focusing in, focusing in, focusing in, narrowing its level of attention, so that it's really good with details. We end up with these two very different ways of perceiving, which is very useful blended together in our constant seamless perception of reality. Yeah, they're very different.

[0:05:32.8] MB: The right hemisphere is focused on more of a bigger picture view of things, and the left hemisphere is very detail-oriented?

[0:05:40.3] JT: Yes. Yeah, I think about it like the left brain is, let's say we're standing out in the field and we're looking horizontally across the field, and in that horizontal viewpoint we can see different blades of grass, we can see little critters, we can see all kinds of details. Then the right hemisphere puts us on a vertical access, picks us up above the field and then we get the bigger picture of what is in that big field and what is beyond that field as a potential predator.

[0:06:13.9] MB: What are some of the implications for the way we think and live our lives in terms of the fact that the brain hemispheres process and interact with the world so differently?

[0:06:24.1] JT: Well, I think it's a good thing. I mean, if all we're doing is focusing on the details, then we're not going to be very humorous, we need humor – humor requires a bigger picture, we won't be witty, we won't be open to new possibilities, we'll get rooted in thinking pattern that just – it becomes rigid and no creativity, because we're rooting into what we've already known.

With the right hemisphere, if all we have is a right hemisphere then we're big-picture, we're out in la-la land, we're not focusing on details, we're not very functional in the world. It's really this magical combination of a balance between the two, and that's what I'm all about; it's about whole brain thinking. How do we find this balance between the bigger picture of who we are and the bigger picture of humanity and our relationship with the world, and then at the same time, how do I get my details done? How do I choose my projects wisely? Because that's where my energy is going to go and that I don't get burned out. It's this whole brain living concept of how do I approach the time that I have on this planet with using really utilizing the skill sets of both hemispheres.

[0:07:34.7] MB: Tell me a little bit more about this idea of whole brain thinking, or whole brain living.

[0:07:38.7] JT: Well, if you look at the two brain structures and you look at the kind of information they care about, they're going to have actually different value structures. If I'm looking at myself as a human being in relationship to my community and I value my community and I want my tax dollars to go to my community in order to lift those up who are the downtrodden who need assistance and I focus my energy on how do I help other people, kind of we all rise together. That's a value structure.

Then if I'm in my left brain and I'm more about the detail of who I am, Jill Bolte Taylor, who's my family, who are my relations, what is my advantage, how do I climb the hierarchical ladder of society, either socially or financially and it's about me, and the focus is me, then that's a very different way, a very different value structure.

Finding balance in what is meaningful, which is for me the value structure of the right brain as opposed to my own self-value in a society that is made up of billions of people and how do I make my own self relevant with my own details, it's this blending together. In that blending together, comes a level of satisfaction.

If I come to life through that value structure of the bigger picture, how do I use me, Joe Bolte Taylor in the world, in order to make the world a better place? I use my left brain in order to manage the details and manage the schedule and manage what I'm doing and manage – management of who I am and what I do.

If I come into the world through the filter of, it's all about me and what I'm managing, and the world revolves around me, then my family and how I use my time, and it's just a completely different way of being in the world. The ultimate goal for me is if we do both and we come to it through the context of the bigger picture, then I use myself in the detail in a really positive way in the world. There's meaning there for me then.

[0:09:59.4] MB: I want to circle back to that concept, but I want to ask this question to better understand it. Is it true that people can be, or people are more left-brained or more right-brained? Because you can hear that thrown around sometimes. Is that an actual phenomenon?

[0:10:14.2] JT: Well, I think that when you think about the brain, every ability that we have, we have because we have brain cells that are performing that function. My ability to speak language is a group of cells. If those go offline, then I'm not going to be able to speak language. Your ability to understand when I speak, that's groups of cells; if those go offline, then you don't have that ability. My ability to wiggle my finger is the motor circuitry, and if that goes offline, then I experience paralysis.

All of these abilities that we have are cellular-based. Then there are certain things about cells that become predictable. If I'm using a group of cells, or let's say, well let's use the motor cortex, because if I'm an athlete and I'm exercising and re-running and re-running and rerunning circuitry in order to be able to perform a certain function, then I get really good at it. Well, that's how cells in the brain are; the more you practice them, the more routinize they become in their ability to function, to the point where they start running on automatic without us even having to think about it. That's a lovely thing.

That's true for how we think, or how we interact in the world. Whatever we exercise, whatever circuits get more exercised, then they become more strong and more dominant. By dominant, what that means is that a group of cells then is may reach over into that opposite hemisphere and inhibit those. If I become very verbal and I become very – my value structure becomes one of my left hemisphere, then those are the cells that I'm exercising and exercising and yeah, those are going to become my dominant hemisphere.

It is true that when we look at the cells and the circuitry that people tend to become often and often not, depends on what their value structure is, either more right-brained; they enjoy their creativity, they enjoy their innovation, they enjoy an open schedule, they encourage that circuitry inside of their brain, and they're not very happy to go to the office, or pay their taxes, or not pay their taxes, but do their taxes actually.

Or there are people who are just really good at numbers and really good at detail and really good at mechanics and really good at organizing things. That's what they tend to do. This balance between the two is what seems to bring a real ability to function in an accelerated level in our society.

[0:12:48.2] MB: How can we, for example, for someone who's dominant in one hemisphere than the other, how can they start to engage the processing in the less dominant hemisphere?

[0:13:01.5] JT: I think the first thing to do is to recognize and think about who and what you are and how you spend your thinking time. Thinking about thinking is I think a fascinating thing, and yet, many of my college students absolutely hate it when I ask them to do that. I think being aware of what's going on inside of your own head –

I give a talk called How to Get Your Brain to Do What You Want it to Do. One of the best ways to do that is to first, you have to pay attention to what is your brain already doing. What does it do really well? Then what are some of the things that you notice other people are doing that perhaps you would like more of that. If you're really good at engineering and you're really good at detail and you're really good at mechanical linear processing, where A plus B equals C and  that you're good at that, then what more holistic bigger picture things might you enjoy engaging in, and then choosing to either hang out with other people who do those things and allow yourself to go out on the limb where the fruit is.

Or just figure out how do you want to grow. A lot of it's about personal growth. Do you want to just grow, or do you want to grow with some purpose in mind for developing yourself more wholly, more fully? Then if you do, then, my mother when I was going to college, she said the only thing I'm going to require that you take at school every semester is an athletics course. Whether it was fencing, or swimming, or hockey, she didn't care what it was, but she wanted me to go out there and get my head out of the details and get back into my body and stay physically active, because she wanted me to be both.

The first thing is recognizing on a scale of 1 to 50 where would you put yourself as how much time are you spending more on your right brain, or more in your left brain dominance, and are you happy with that? Then I think another really big question is do those two characters inside of yourself, the part of you that allows you to be open and more free and more connecting and more nurturing, does that character like your detailed person, and does your detailed person inside of yourself like the part of you that is more open?

I believe that the most important relationship that we have is the relationship between those two characters inside of our minds. If they like one another, how do they work with one another to support one another, so that we can all really thrive as an entity? Or if they don't like one another, then that's a whole another story.

[0:15:48.5] MB: I want to go deeper down this this rabbit hole. I mean, I completely understand and agree with the premise that awareness and self-awareness is really the fundamental first step in getting your brain to do what you want it to do. If anything, that self-awareness is probably the single most recurrent theme of every guest that we've interviewed on the show. I'm curious, I want to get into what are – once we've done the homework on that self-awareness component, what are the next concrete steps in getting our brains to do what we want them to do?

[0:16:21.4] JT: Well, I think then once we become aware of how we're spending our time, then I think it's a matter of recognizing who's who inside of myself. When you think about the self and lots of different ways about thinking about the self, and I go to a cellular level. I say, “Okay, I have these two higher cognitive minds, and my right cognitive mind is this character who is very open and very expansive and very accepting and very nurturing and very supportive and generally in a pretty good spirit and very present right here right now,” and I give her a name personally. I name her. Her name is Jill.

Then I have this other character in my left brain who goes to the office and she organizes my engagement, she takes care of my world, she tends to my dogs, she deals with all these things, and I give her a name, and her name is Helen, short for Hell on Wheels, because she is, but she's not my preferential way of being. I have her and I value her, and I value the character that she is within me.

Then I recognize that each of these two cognitive minds, each have their own emotional limbic system atomically. I try to pay attention to okay, what are my patterns, and how do I relate to myself at a cellular patterned level based on these characters? I'm a firm believer that we have the power to choose moment by moment who and how we want to be in the world.

To me what that matters is I have the power to choose moment by moment, do I step into this moment as my right cognitive mind, or as my left cognitive mind, or even as my right emotional brain, which is going to be right here right now, or my left emotional brain, which is caught up in my past and in my future and in those kinds of possibility?

I look at the brain at a cellular level, and I structure it based on what my personal experience has taught me about what's it mean, what's it like to actually lose half of my brain, and who's left? What am I left with and how do I perceive the world using that filter as I look out into the world?

[0:18:40.7] MB: For someone who's listening that doesn't feel they have the power to, or doesn't really understand how to choose which hemisphere to engage, or bring to a given moment or experience, how can they go about doing that, or what would you say to them?

[0:18:57.5] JT: I would encourage them to pay attention to what they're already doing. For example, if I'm at work and I'm busy and I'm caught up in my details and I'm busy, and then the telephone rings, and let's say that I'm expecting a phone call. I'm expecting a phone call about a position that I really want. If it were not that circumstance, if the telephone rings, I might find it to be an irritation.

Because I'm really expecting something, exciting then I'm not finding that interruption as an irritation, but I have the power to choose when that telephone rings whether I'm going to perceive it as something exciting and interest or as an irritation. We're doing this thing all the time. It's a matter then of looking at our own patterning. Your boss is walking down the hall, you hear the steps are coming. You're really excited to show your boss something, because you finished something and you're ready to present it and you've been waiting on them to come in, or the same clonk, clonk, clonk and you're dreading the conversation because you're not ready and you haven't been able to wrap your mind around anything brilliant, and you're not looking forward to the disappointment.

You have the power to choose in that moment how are you going to respond to the clonk, clonk, clonk coming down the hall. I think as we pay attention to what we are already doing and pay attention to what our own personal patterning is, we do have the power to choose and recognizing when I have chosen.

Let's say, I come home and I've got something on my mind and my little child ,my little toddler is running up to me, “Mommy, mommy. You're home, you're home.” In that moment, I have the power to choose whether or not I'm going to put down the groceries and pick up that little lump of love and just love that child, or whether or not I'm going to get on the phone real quick and do this, or do that, or do the other. We're making choices all the time. When as soon as you're making a choice or a decision, you're choosing one way of being over another way of being. Thinking about it that way allows us to differentiate the fact that we are making these choices all the time.

[0:21:13.7] MB: I understand the example of for example someone coming home and deciding how they want to spend time or react to seeing their child, but for someone who is having maybe a negative experience that they don't want to be having, or they feel is out of their control, or they feel it's an experience that they wish they weren't experiencing, how can they make that choice in that moment when they – it almost seems that they would rather have – they’re trying to make a choice, but they feel they can't?

[0:21:44.4] JT: Generally, when that happens, they're caught up in the emotional circuit of their left brain. The left brain is saying this is different than what I want it to be. The left brain is rather the perfectionist and in the perfect world, you're not having this conversation with me and breaking up with me, okay. We’ll just use that as a little example.

At the same time, so that left emotional system when it decides that reality is different from what is actually happening in what, or what I want to happen, at that level there's certain circuitry that is going to respond to that in a negative way, or in a I'm feeling unhappy, I'm feeling shamed, I'm feeling vulnerable, I'm feeling, I'm feeling, I'm feeling, and I'm not feeling what I want to be feeling, which is what you're saying. What happens when you're in that scenario?

Then I think that the question is well, that's correct. You're there and you're running that circuit. There's nothing more delicious than feeling miserable, miserable other than perhaps grief, grievance, grieving, personal grieving is also an absolutely delicious emotion. I have the choice of just getting caught up in the fact that I'm madder than hell, or I'm brokenhearted, or I'm grieving, because someone has died, or is dying who I absolutely adore. That's real circuitry, and it's beautiful circuitry.

I have the choice to say this is horrible, or I have the choice to say this is a circumstance I would not prefer. However, it is delicious that I am alive and capable of having this experience. I call this observing, instead of simply engaging. I'm a firm believer that anything that happens in our lives simply because we are alive and we are capable of having that conversation, or perspective, it's delicious. When we run real emotional circuitry, it's amazing. Or if we're running a cognitive ability simply to be able to observe the fact that I am alive and capable of having this experience is amazing.

Here I am, this amazing being, this form of some 50 trillion molecular cells with DNA making them molecular geniuses, spinning on a rock out in the middle of the universe. When I'm willing to allow myself to celebrate the fact that I am even capable of being miserable, I always tell my friends, “I don't mind if you're miserable. I just want you to enjoy it. Enjoy the fact that you're capable of experiencing the misery.” Run the circuit, let it go, step back and say , “Wow, oh my gosh.” As soon as you do that, as soon as you're willing to observe what is happening inside of you, instead of simply engaging with it, then you're a step away in the experience of awe that I exist at all and that I'm capable.

Then your right brain, which essentially what you just did was you stepped out of your left brain into your right brain, your right brain is observing saying, “Wow.” The right brain is the part of us that says, regardless of whether or not this is going to happen, of course this isn't what I predicted for me, or I expected for me, or I wanted for me, and now I have to deal with shame, or grief, or whatever, once we allow ourselves to step away from that and observe the bigger picture of – the big picture, I'm actually going to be okay, with or without that relationship, with or without that job, with or without that experience, because I am going to be okay.

When you bring yourself back to the present moment and you say “Why? Why?” Why is to me not the question. The question is wow. That's I guess, not even a question. I don't know if I answered your question or not.

[0:25:33.9] MB: No, I think that's really insightful. It's the idea that just the simple fact, and I think it's come from the presence and the mindfulness and the observation of your own thinking experience, with this idea that just being alive and being able to experience negative emotions in the grand scheme of things is actually a tremendously unique and crazy thing, just the fact that we exist and the fact that we're here. You're saying celebrate that negative emotion, let it process and then move on from it.

[0:26:00.7] JT: Exactly. Recognize that it's circuitry. We all get so caught up in, “Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. I'm so important and I’m the center of the universe.” At the same time, I'm just dust particles here that I'm going to be gone in an instant. For me, I always go back to the cells, and which cells am I running that are permitting me, or offering me the certain experience that I'm experiencing.

If somebody happens and my negative emotions get triggered, it’s still just cells. I'm capable of raging like a wild banshee, because I have cells that perform that function and they engage my entire body circuitry, in order for me to be able to rant and rave like that. Then I step back and I go, “Wow, that was something.” Its cells.  At the same time, I'm capable of experiencing extreme joy, extreme love, extreme celebration, extreme openness and expansiveness and connection. Again, wow I have cells that are performing that function.

To me, people say, “Jill, you're reducing love and all these wonderful things to cells and it's not –” It’s like, “Oh, my gosh. No I'm not reducing anything. I'm celebrating the cells that permit me the ability, because if I'm dead I don't have the circuitry that permits me the ability to have that experience.” Any of the motions that I get to experience that are rich and delicious, of course I want to be able to experience that. At the same time know that from the moment you trigger an emotional circuit, to the time you think those thoughts, you experience the emotions, the physiology gets dumped inside your bloodstream, it flushes through you, it flushes out of you, takes less than 90 seconds if you don't keep rethinking the thought that re-stimulates the circuits. Observing and engaging and being aware of and celebrating, I mean, those are choices.

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[0:29:08.9] MB: There's a couple different ways that I want to expand on this. Before we get too much deeper into the neuro circuitry of the brain, which I want to talk about and I want to talk about the emotional limbic systems of both of the hemispheres, I think this might be a really good opportunity to share your story and your experience with your stroke. Would you tell that story and what the felt emotional experience of having that stroke was like?

[0:29:35.7] JT: Sure, I grew up to study the brain in the first place, because one of my brothers was only 18 months older than I was, and he was my constant companion as children, and I recognized very early, I'm going to say by year four or five, that – we would have the exact same experience, but we would walk away with very different perceptions about what happened.

I tuned in very early to what are we as living beings, and how is it that he can think that and I can think this? Ultimately then, I grew up to get my PhD, and I was studying neuroanatomy at Harvard. I woke up one morning and I had a major hemorrhage in the left half of my own brain. 

Here I am, a brain scientist, teaching and performing research at Harvard, so I think neuro-anatomically. All of a sudden, I started experiencing what I call neurological weirdness, which most of us can relate to. Analyzing inside of my own brain, what's going on? What is happening to me? I was not a clinician, I was not a neurologist, so I didn't recognize symptoms early until paralysis happened in my right arm, and then I realized, “Oh my gosh. I'm having a stroke.”
I had a blood vessel burst in the left half of my brain, and over the course of four hours, I could not walk, talk, read, write, or recall any of my life. I became what I described as an infant in a woman's body. By that afternoon, the entire left hemisphere was swimming in a pool of blood and all I had left was my right hemisphere.

I was still conscious and I was still aware, but I thought differently in the absence of having a left hemisphere. In that absence, I lost the boundaries of where I began and where I ended, so that I perceived myself as a big ball of energy blending with the energy of everything around me. I had the sense that I became literally as big as the universe, and yet, I was consciously aware of that bigger picture, but I had lost all the details; I had lost my language, my ability to speak, I lost my ability to say I am Jill Bolte Taylor, in the absence of being able to say that, and that portion of my brain that define who is Jill Bolte Taylor? What does she know? What has she studied? What are her likes? Who are her friends and her family, her relationships? I lost the definition of Jill Bolte Taylor. 

In the absence of her, I became this this energy ball big as the universe, with a completely different perception, because it was no longer inhibited by my left brain ability focus on the details in the external world. I lived in a completely silent mind, absolutely no language whatsoever for five weeks. At the two-and-a-half week mark in the middle of that, I had to have brain surgery to remove a blood clot that was the size of a golf ball.

Once that happened, then they put me back together again and they said, “Good luck. We'll see what you get back.” They gave me two years before we really know anything. Language started to come back online about two and a half to three weeks later, and I had to learn how to speak again, I had to learn vocabulary, I had to go back to essentially school. My right brain could have sculpted for you an abdomen, or drawn for you circuitry in the brain, but my left hemisphere didn't have the language and the terminology for how to name the three different portions of a stomach.

I went I went back and I relearned all my material. Then the circuitry of my left emotional brain wanted to come back online. I didn't like the way that it felt. It was my anger and my pain, my emotional pain from the past. I learned that I had some say in whether or not that circuitry was going to run, or not.

It was a fascinating growth full experience through the process of recovery as a neuroscientist. Not just relearning my anatomy and my physiology and my neuroanatomy and everything that I teach at the medical school, but I also relearning who is – who am I and how do these two hemispheres work with one another in order to create a whole bean inside of me and what choices that I have, and which circuits ran and which circuits did not run.

It's been a long journey. I spent eight years actually negotiating with myself and my cells in order to figure out who did I want to be round two, because that Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, she died that day. My goal was never to become her again. Yet, who would I become?

[0:34:21.5] MB: Such a fascinating story. Tell me a little bit more about that profound experience of having your left brain essentially turned off, and the – for lack of a better term, almost the oneness you felt with everything around you.

[0:34:40.1] JT: It's an exquisite experience. I'm going to go right back to again, I am a bunch of neurons and the neurons that are running are demanding my attention, or offering my ability to experience the world in certain ways.

When all the detail circuitry went offline with language – and language is enormous. When you consider how complicated language is, and we also have language in the right hemisphere, so I could still – I still have the cells. I didn't have the cells that could create sound. Dog, dog is a sound. Then another portion of the brain, different cells in the left hemisphere create meaning and attach meaning to the sound dog, so that when I speak, you understand what I say, etc.

The right hemisphere listens to the song of how I speak and intonation of my voice, as well as adds on the emotional content of what I'm experiencing. If I say something like, “I love you. I love you,” and your brain is saying, well your left hemisphere is hearing, “I love you.” You know what I love you means, because those cells are tuned and trained for that. Yet, your right hemisphere is picking up the fact that, well that sounds like anger. Anger and hostility don't generally jive well with the words I love you.

You're looking at me and questioning the reality of what I'm actually trying to communicate with you. Every ability that we have is divided between these two beautiful hemispheres. When one hemisphere went offline, it was that attending to all those details, and instead, I shift it into the perception of myself without the boundaries of where I began, where does my skin end and the air begins, because I am an energy ball. I perceive myself because of the cells in my left hemisphere in my left orientation center of my left parietal region, I I lost the perception of those boundaries defining me as me and you as you and we’re separate from one another and we’re solids.

In the absence of that, I felt that I was a fluid. I am a fluid. Our bodies are over 90% liquid and I'm slowing and the atoms and molecules around us are flowing and this planet is flowing and it's orbit around the universe. I mean, everything is this big fluid system. I shifted into that consciousness, and I wasn't distracted by detail. Instead, I was experiencing the wholeness of the energy being that we would call Jill, but I didn't have that definition, because my left hemisphere wasn't defining it as anything. I just experienced everything around me as connected.

I stepped into I call it, I very affectionately refer to it as lala land, because it was magnificent and it was beautiful and I felt a sense of incredible euphoria. Then my left brain would be challenged, or want to come back online and hook back into detail. For me in the beginning, that was an excruciatingly difficult process, because those cells were swimming in a pool of blood and were non-functional. To try to pay attention to detail was just really not an option.

I was very content, and without the language defining things for me, I got to experience things without definition and without any boundary or barrier. For me, that was a real – I'm guessing what Nirvana is, or the experience of anyone who tries to meditate and preoccupy their left brain structure system and silence it or ignore it, to be able to have that experience of feeling that one with all that is. It was beautiful there.

[0:38:36.4] MB: Fascinating and really, really thought-provoking. I mean, even just as you talked about the idea of feeling your energy that's connected to everything, I mean, from a purely scientific standpoint E = mc2, all matter is nothing but energy. It's really, really profound and I find amazingly interesting that you had experience.

[0:38:59.2] JT: Well, I think that when you consider that the difference between us being alive and us not being alive is the fact that we have at least two neurons that are communicating with one another. Those two neurons are going to be stimulated by, stimulate and be stimulated by not just one another, but with the external world. As soon as you have two neurons negotiating dominance, or whatever single cells are capable of, you're going to have an interesting relationship. That's the beginning of a relationship, and I guess actually the microbe is the beginning of the relationship, because it's a semipermeable sac filled with liquid and all kinds of dynamic yummy things that make a world within a cell, then receptors on the membrane for certain things in the external world.

Some things will attract us toward let's say hydrogen. If I'm a cell, then hydrogen is a good thing, or a light photon is a good thing; it stimulates me to really percolate inside of what's going on inside of my cell. Then I might be attracted toward it, or I might be repelled by that, because to me, that's toxicity and I will go away.

I look at us as human beings in exactly the same way. Except, we’re these magnificent multicellular creatures capable of perceiving all kinds of information based on the filtering systems of our sensory systems. We are attracted toward, or we are repelled from things in our environment.

I think when you really wrap your mind around that fact of what you are as a living being and you start saying, “Wow, that's cool. That's a different way of looking at stuff,” it allows you to step away from the ego that says, “I am the center of the universe and everything is about me and everything revolves around me and every circuit that I run, I am controlled by essentially and I have no say about what's going on inside of my head.” That's simply clearly not the truth anymore, and you mentioned mindfulness.

The mindfulness research shows that we can consciously choose to think certain thought patterns, and by simply choosing to run certain thought patterns, just by choice, we can create a habit, and the habit is actually structural growth inside of the brain of different circuits, so that I can then become more of one way, or more of another way, or by becoming more of this, I can actually become less of that.

Or if I become more of that, then I can influence myself consciously by choosing to be more like this more of the time, even if it doesn't have it naturally, but I can choose to develop that circuit inside of my brain. I think we're completely neuroplastic, completely malleable, maybe not completely, but certainly we have a whole lot of say about what's going on inside of our head that we've never been taught.

[0:42:05.6] MB: I want to dig into neuroplasticity. Before we do, I'm curious, tell me about – I don't know if I'm phrasing this correctly or not, but would you say that the idea that we are separate from everything else is almost a controlled illusion that is maintained by the brain?

[0:42:25.8] JT: Now you're getting into the good stuff. I know you've had conversations with other people who talk about self. You look at the body and nine out of ten of the microbes related to us are not even our own. I see us as this collection of cells, and the cells are these little living things and they have relationships with one another. By doing so and by attracting themselves physically to one another, I become this dense energy ball. We define this dense energy ball as me.

Okay, so that's come certainly a different way than we typically look at ourselves, but okay, that's what we are. If that's what we are, then how I, or whatever my consciousness is that says I'm capable of choosing how to use this mass is totally open to possibility. I become this dense energy ball, and because I have a three-dimension of cells inside of this brain that processes billions, literally billions and trillions of bits of data, moment by moment, instant by instant, in order for me to perceive myself as a real entity, I'm processing probably like 0.001 percent of all the stuff going on around me, only because my eyes will experience certain frequencies, my ears will experience certain frequencies, my skin will perceive certain densities, whatever it is, I am this amazing biological creature capable of perceiving the world in the way that I do as a normal human.

There are other creatures that pick up other kinds of information processing, that we don't even know about. I do have the ability to perceive myself as a living person, as an entity based on the collection of cells and how my cells are organized in order to process stimulation in certain ways inside of this three-dimensional brain, giving me a three-dimensional perception of myself in a three-dimensional space.

I think it's really cool. I don't take myself that seriously. I don't take any of this really seriously. Yet, at the same time, I take it all extremely seriously, because I'm here, I'm alive, I value life, I would to see us as humanity in a relationship to the planet, take better care of her and of the – just the way we are, because life to me is a precious and amazing thing. The evolution of humanity and what's going on and how our human brains are developing and how far we've come as a living being, I would like to see us be able to evolve to the next level. I think it's all very interesting and exciting in its own interesting way.

[0:45:37.3] MB: It's so fascinating to me. I mean, obviously truly unique experience to have such a trained neuroanatomist, experienced a stroke from the inside out and the experiences you had and how that must have shaped your life and your perceptions of the world. It's truly, truly interesting and inspiring to me personally.

[0:45:57.2] JT: How old are you Matt?

[0:45:58.1] MB: 31.

[0:45:59.7] JT: 31 and I look at your life, I look at and I have this tiny little filter of who you are and how you're using yourself. In your 31 years, you've managed to figure out that for you, the process of discovery and searching and growing and not just as an individual, but helping other people in the world, just simply by doing these kinds of interviews and sharing those with your fellow population.

I look at you and just in what I can see on the internet, because that's how we all are filtering and making judgment these days, and I see you as using both of your hemispheres. You would not be doing what you're doing, as a human being, and having the kinds of conversations you're having at your age, if you weren't really bringing forth the gift skillsets of both hemispheres.

To me, to be able to have a conversation with someone who is your age, who communicates with people in your population, because I'm a woman in my 50s, and your population is young men, probably 25 to 35; this is a population I don't get to speak to often, but you do. I think it's remarkable that you are coming into the world here with all of your skills, saying how do I do this in a way that I can actually influence my fellow man in a really positive way at a critical time in their life, where they're making enormous choices in who and how they want to be for the rest of their lives?

I think you're an excellent example of how can some use their skillsets in a positive way, in both of their hemispheres in order to make your personal impact, in a satisfying and meaningful way. First, I just want to say thank you.

[0:47:52.1] MB: Wow, that was really, really kind. I really appreciate that. Thank you so much. It really means a lot to me. Wow, I can't – I'm blushing. Thank you for sharing those kind words. I do have one more topic I want to touch on, but before we wrap-up. I'd love to dig into a little bit neuroplasticity. We talked about it. We mentioned it, but I think it's really important to underscore and share this idea that our brains are not fixed and that they can be changed and improved.

[0:48:21.3] JT: If you go back to the concept of where our brain is just a group of cells communicating with one another. Let's say, I mean learning. All learning is different cells who are putting together different skill sets in a fluid path, so that we have the ability to have a new ability. That is neuroplasticity. Learning is neuroplasticity.

The only reason why a neuro plasticity is such a catchphrase now is because we were taught back in the 80s and 90s and I don't know how far back, but forever, that the first three years of life are the critical developmental period. After that, we don't really do much development. The fact of the matter is yes, those first three years are an extremely important developmental period, because that's when the cells, which when you think about the cortex, the cerebral cortex of those two hemispheres is the undulated convoluted portion that you think of when you think of a brain.

The cells, they’re six layers thick. When we're born, most all of those cells in the cortex have assumed a position inside of those six layers. They haven't really interconnected with one another. During the first three years of experience, those cells start creating pattern responses and inter-relate to one another.

It's a critical time. Absolutely, we need to have an enriched environment for our babies. The more exposure they get, the more neurons connect to one another in different patterning and we want to set our babies up with all this magnificent neural patterning, so that as they get older they have all that to call on. Yes, development is incredibly important.

Then for pretty much the next maybe eight to ten years, that circuitry gets established and we teach our kids in elementary school and we teach them how to be social with adults and kids their own age and their siblings, and we teach them how to speak and we teach them how to crawl and then walk, and there's all this really important stuff going on, but it's really all about me.

Then the teenage years begin to hit and pre-puberty hits about two years before the full-blown puberty response. There's just sprouting of dendritic connections between the neurons that's the receiving part of the neurons. Then these cells are receiving, receiving, receiving. If you know children a couple of years before puberty, they're like little sponges. They want to they want to know everything, and at the same time, they were distracted by everything, because everything's so exciting and stimulating.

Then the puberty years come on. As the puberty years come on, we go through this big physiological physical spurt, and all of a sudden our bodies are becoming very interesting, very unusual, very unfamiliar, but very interesting and hormones start to flow and all of this stuff is going on inside of our bodies. There's actually another major neurological transformation that is happening at the level of the teenage years.

All of this is to say that neuroplasticity is a fundamental way that the nervous system is, but we didn't know that. Because we didn't know that in science, I was taught back in the 80s and the 90s that the brain cells you're born with are the brain cells you're going to die with. You have to protect them. Yes, that is true, except for that we do have the capacity to grow some new neurons, especially in response to trauma. That's neurogenesis, so we're capable of growing some new neurons.

Then neuroplasticity is the ability of ourselves to rearrange who they're communicating with, like the social network of neurons. That is also very natural and very – it underlies the function and how the cells function. We just didn't know that before. Now we act neuroplasticity is this really big thing, and it is this really big thing, but it makes sense, because it's how we learn. In order for me to learn that A plus B equals C, I have to learn what an A is, I have to learn what a B is, and then I have to be able to put them together in a way that my mind has never put them together before in order to come up with C. Yeah, neuroplasticity is a magnificent thing. 

Certainly, I would not be here speaking to you if my left brain had not been capable of neuro plasticity rearranging its connections and communications after that trauma, in order for – because actual cells died inside of my brain and somehow or another, other cells had to be formed through neurogenesis in order to replace that function, or the cells that were in there had to rearrange how they were communicating with one another, so that I would actually regain that ability of those cells that had died.

[0:53:16.9] MB: What would one piece of homework be that you would give to someone listening to this episode to maybe implement some of the ideas, or things we've talked about today?
[0:53:26.7] JT: I would say pay attention on what's going on inside of your head. Pay attention to what are you thinking now and how does it feel. Would you say that it was more of a cognitive thinking thing, or are you experiencing an emotion? I would encourage people to actually maybe jot down in the course of an hour what kinds of things are they thinking; are they thinking details, big picture, or are they having a really creative innovative moment? Are they feeling loving? Are they feeling – what emotion are they feeling? How would they label that?

Just look at what is your standard. What's your base level today. Then ask yourself, okay I respond in X way to my wife. I'm responding Y way to my sibling. How do I respond and react what's actually going on? What circuitry am I running and? I think once you start paying attention to that, a big light bulb is going to go off and then you're going to ask yourself, “Whoa, how much of this stuff do I want and how much of that stuff do I want more of? Then how do I get further in actually doing, creating that circuitry inside of my own brain?”

[0:54:43.5] MB: Where can listeners find you and your work online?

[0:54:47.4] JT: Well, if you plug in Jill Bolte Taylor, I think I'm going to pop up all over the place. There's interviews on YouTube, there are a bunch of interviews on podcasts. I mean, I'm just kind of – it surprises me at how I have managed to – I'm like a neuron, because everybody's got a brain. If you have a brain, then you're probably interested in your brain. If you're interested in your brain, then you're going to find me of interest. If you find me of interest, then depending on which portion of what I have to say you're interested in.

Say for example, you're about science. You're interested in the neurons and what that experience is, but you're also in the whole brain avenue, so you actually do care about what's going on in both of those hemispheres and how they relate to one another. Some people are more attracted towards the more left brain conversation, some people are more interested in the more right brain conversation, some people are more interested in the whole brain conversation, but I can guarantee it, if you go looking, you'll find. Otherwise, drjilltaylor.com, is I think where I hang out.

[0:55:49.7] MB: Well Dr. Jill, thank you so much for coming on the show for sharing all this wisdom, your amazing personal story, and all of the knowledge with our listeners. We really, really appreciate it.
[0:56:00.1] JT: Well, I appreciate you reaching out Matt. Again, I value who you are and how you are using yourself in the world. Anyway that I can help, I'm happy to contribute. Thank you.

[0:56:11.5] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you our listeners master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story, or just say hi, shoot me an e-mail. My e-mail is matt@successpodcast.com. That’s M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener e-mail.

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May 03, 2018 /Lace Gilger
Emotional Intelligence, Mind Expansion
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The Mysteries of Consciousness Explained & Explored with Neuroscientist Dr. Anil Seth

April 26, 2018 by Lace Gilger in Mind Expansion

In this episode, we go deep into a scientific look at consciousness. We ask, how do our brains experience reality? What is consciousness? Is our perception of reality nothing more than a “controlled hallucination?” What is the “hard problem of consciousness” and what are the major aspects of consciousness? How can we use the neuroscience of consciousness to better ourselves and improve our lives? And much more with our guest Anil Seth. 

Anil Seth is the professor of Cognitive and Computational Neuroscience at the University of Sussex. He is the co-director of the Sackler Centre for Consciousness Science, the editor in chief of Neuroscience of Consciousness, and was the President of the British Science Association for psychology in 2017. His TED talk has been viewed over 2.5 million times and his work featured in The Guardian, the BBC, New Scientist, and more!

  • How does our brain experience reality?

  • Consciousness is a funny thing - we don’t have a good definition of it, but everyone knows what consciousness is 

  • There is a subjective experience of consciousness for being human 

  • For much of the 20th century, much of psychology and neuroscience ignored the phenomenon of consciousness

  • Consciousness is dependent on the brain

  • The questions of consciousness are some of the most important and urgent questions we can ask

  • What is the “hard problem of consciousness?” and why is it so important?

  • What are the problems of consciousness?

  • The easy problem is figuring out how brains do what they do, how they implement functions, guide behavior, allow the world to be sensed, how the brain works as a mechanism - this will keep neuroscientists and biologists busy for a long time

    1. The hard problem is explaining how and why any of this should have anything to do with conscious experience and why conscious experiences happen

  • However detailed your understanding of the brain is - it will leave untouched the question of how/why consciousness exists in the first place 

  • We don’t need to solve the hard problem to pursue a very productive study of consciousness

  • How our biological understanding of life parallels our understanding of consciousness 

  • The three major aspects of consciousness (they inter-related and not necessarily independent)

  • Conscious level - a scale from being completely lacking in consciousness (a coma, dead) all the way to being fully awake and fully conscious

    1. Conscious content - when you’re conscious you’re conscious OF something

    2. The experience of being a particular person

  • We don’t passively perceive the world, we actively generate it 

  • When we perceive things, our brain is taking energy waves and electrical signals and interpreting them into prior predictions and expectations

  • We aren’t conscious of our passive predictions, we’re only conscious of the results of them

  • It seems to us that the world is out there, as we perceive it

  • You will only see things that you believe 

  • Optical illusions really demonstrate how adapted our visual system is

  • Perception is a controlled hallucination

  • How the perceptual limitations of the brain are mirrored in the social media echo chamber where your prior beliefs are confirmed

  • Informed skepticism is an incredibly valuable thinking framework - the scientific method and a healthy dose of humility help us move towards truth

  • The way the brain perceives the world can be looked at as a form of hypothesis testing

  • The same perceptual illusions and idea of controlled hallucination doesn't just apply to the external world - but applies to OURSELVES as well 

  • The Rubber Hand Illusion - and how our perceptions of our bodies are not what we think they are

  • Even something as basic as what is and what is not our body is at best a guess, a hypothesis generated by the brain 

  • The origin and the structure of your world and yourself

  • What happens when you have an out of body experience?

  • How understanding the science of the self can impact the way you experience life and your own emotional states

  • The way you feel at times is the brains best guess, it's not necessarily the way things are and the way they have to be

  • How Anil’s own battle with negative emotions and negative emotional states has been shaped by the work he does in neuroscience

  • What interventions have helped Anil battle his own depression?

  • Going for a long walk in the country

    1. Exercise

    2. Fresh Air

    3. Nature

    4. When you’re in the thick of it - you forget these interventions work, but they DO work

    5. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helps Anil as well

  • You aren’t defined by your own suffering - does having the Flu define you as a person? Why should a psychological issue?

  • Homework - reflect on your experience and try to understand that its a construction of your brain

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SHOW NOTES, LINKS, & RESEARCH

  • [Personal Site] Anil Seth

  • [Radio Show] Anil Seth on consciousness

  • [Wiki Article] Alan Watts

  • [Wiki Article] Checker shadow illusion

  • [TEDTalk] Your brain hallucinates your conscious reality | Anil Seth

Episode Transcript


[00:00:06.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:11.9] MB: Welcome to The Science of Success, the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the internet with more than a billion downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries and part of the Self-Help For Smart People Podcast Network. 

In this episode, we go deep into a scientific look at consciousness. We ask how do our brains experience reality? What is consciousness? Is our perception a reality nothing more than a controlled hallucination? What is the hard problem of consciousness and what are the major aspects of consciousness? How can we use the neuroscience of consciousness to better ourselves and improve our lives? We dig into that and much more with our guest, Anil Seth. 

I’m going to give you three reasons why you should join our email list today by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the homepage. There are some amazing stuff that’s only available to our email subscribers, so be sure to sign up and join the email list today. 

First, you’re going to get an awesome free guide that we created based on listener demand. This is our most popular guide and it’s called How to Organize and Remember Everything, which you can get completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide. You got to sign up to find out by joining the email list today. Next, you’re going to get a curated weekly email from us every week called Mindset Monday. Our listeners have been absolutely loving this email. It’s short. It’s simple. It’s filled with articles, videos, stories, things we found interesting or fascinating in the last week. 

Lastly, you’re going to get exclusive content and a chance to shape the show. You can help us vote on guests. You can help us change our intro music and much more. You can even submit your own questions to upcoming guests. You’ll also have access to exclusive giveaways that only people who are on the email list get access to and much, much more. Be sure to sign up and join the email list. There are some incredible stuff, but only subscribers who are on the email list are getting access to this awesome information. 

In our previous episode, we looked at how to use insights from behavioral science to improve your life. We looked at what it means to have a good day and figured out how to reserve engineer more good days in your life by examining decision making, the power of rest and recovery, intention setting, boundaries and much more with our guest, Caroline Webb. If you want to learn how to use scientific research to create more good days in your life, listen to that episode.  

Now for the show. 

[0:02:52.9] MB: Today we have another exciting guest on the show, Anil Seth. Anil is the professor of cognitive and computational neuroscience at the University of Sussex. He’s the co-director of the Sackler Centre for Consciousness Science, the editor-in-chief of the Neuroscience of Consciousness and was president of the British Science Association for Psychology in 2017. His TED Talk has been viewed over 2.5 million times and his work has been features in The Guardian, BBC, New Scientist and more. 

Anil, welcome to the Science of Success. 

[0:03:23.0] AS: It’s a pleasure to be here. Thanks for inviting me on.


[0:03:25.6] MB: Well, we’re very excited to have you on here today. I know you do some really fascinating, some work in research and I’m excited to kind of dig into many of these topics today. So to start out, I’d love to begin with kind of the idea of consciousness and kind of the question of how does our brain experience reality. 

[0:03:44.4] AS: That’s the big question, I think, that certainly I’m trying to answer and certainly that’s motivated me in my career. Studying consciousness is a funny thing. Let’s be clear. We don’t have a very, very good scientific definition of it. Everybody knows what consciousness is. It’s what goes away when you fall into a dreamless sleep or go into general anesthesia and it’s what returns when you come around again. It’s any kind of subjective experience. 

There something it is like to be me and there’s — I’m sure there is something it is like to be you and for everybody listening. There is also something it is like to be them. There’s a subjective experiences happening to those organisms, and there isn’t the thing — We assume that’s not the case for something like a table or a chair. It may be the case for something like a work or a fish, but we don’t really know yet. 

The question is, for some things in the universe, there are consciousness experiences and for other things, there probably aren’t, and this is one of the biggest mysteries in science and philosophy. People have been thinking about it forever. One of the things that’s always surprised me is, for a lot of the 20th century at least, explicitly studying consciousness was not really considered to be a legitimate part of psychology and neuroscience, which is — I think it’s kind of hilarious, because it’s the most obvious phenomena. It’s where everything starts. Nothing else really matters. If there’s one central feature of psychology, of neuroscience, it’s the fact that we have conscious experiences. 

So how that happens is really, I think, the most interesting and most basic question in much of science, and it’s also attractable. If there’s one thing that we know about consciousness, at least in humans, it’s that it is intimately dependent on the brain, and the brain stops, consciousness stops. Change brain in various ways, your conscious experience of the world and the self will also change. 

So there are perfectly valid and productive scientific methods that we can apply to the study of consciousness and begin to figure out what it is about the brain and not just the brain in a kind of jam jar on a [inaudible 0:05:59.2], but the brain in the body, in the world. What it is about this whole interconnected system that gives rise to having conscious experiences in the first place and then shapes the kinds of experiences that we have, whether that experience is of perceptions of the world around us or of the experience of being an individual, being a person, being a conscious self with all the emotion and sense of embodiment, all these other things that go along with that. 

There is a very, very urgent — It’s both important, interesting and urgent scientific question to ask. I say it’s urgent because it’s probably only through a scientific understanding of consciousness that we will come to have a proper mechanistic understanding of what happens in cases of psychiatric humans, for instance, and I’m sure we’ll probably come on to this later on. But if you want to develop a proper understanding of distressing steps of conscious experiences that characterize psychiatric problems, we need to understand what the mechanisms are. That’s just stating a problem, and then I guess we can go in in various ways to try to find answers. 


[0:07:11.5] MB: Is that kind of — When you do some sort of cursory research or reading around consciousness, you’ll come across the phrase, “The hard problem of consciousness.” Is that what you’re describing or is that something distinct?

[0:07:23.2] AS: That’s right. The hard problem is a phrase that’s due to the philosopher, David Chalmers. He’s been a terrific inference in consciousness science and philosophy more than “a century” now. There really isn’t one single problem of consciousness. I think that’s another important thing to establish at the get go. It’s a bit like biology. There’s no single problem of life either. There’re a lot of problems that cluster under the same basic description. 

What are the problems of consciousness? The hard problem, the Chalmers, is a contrast between two kinds of things. It’s a contrast between the hard problem and the easy problem. I’ll put it like this; the easy problem, the Chalmers, is the problem of figuring out how brains do what they do. How they implement various functions. How they guide behavior. How they allow the world to be sensed so that behavior can happen appropriately. How the thing works is a mechanism. This is of course not an easy problem. It’s going to keep neuroscientists and biologists busy for centuries.

The point about the easy problem is it doesn’t necessarily make any reference to consciousness at all. It’s just about how the complex networks of neurons together support the kinds of things that organisms do. The hard problem is explaining how and why any of these should have anything to do with consciousness expert. How could any explanation that is made in terms of mechanisms or functions; this neuron is connected to this neuron, it connects to that neuron. How could any explanation of that kind tell you why a conscious experience happens? The intuition I’m making this distinction is that it just doesn’t. That however sophisticated, detailed your understanding of the brain as a mechanism is, it will leave entirely untouched this basic mystery of how and why conscious experiences happen to be part of the universe in the first place. That’s why Chalmers calls it a hard problem, because it’s almost as if it’s beyond the remix of any kind of science or neuroscience. 

Now, I have struggled with this. I think it’s very interesting point of view, and it goes right back in philosophy, of course, to Descartes and [inaudible 0:09:45.0] where he cleaved the universe into two different kinds of things, stuff is made out of and the stuff of thought and of conscious experience. Once you cut the universe in two this way, it’s very difficult to put it together again. 

Now, figuring out a solution to the hard problem is — Well, we just don’t know what that would look like, although people have come up with some kinds of speculative ideas. I guess my point is we don’t need to solve the hard problem in order to pursue a very productive and illuminating science of consciousness. 

We know that consciousness exists. We have conscious experiences and they can be described in various ways. I can describe how my experience or vision is different from my experience of an emotion, which is different from my experience of illusion, of intending to do something. Given that these conscious experience exists and they also go away on the general anesthesia or sleep, things like that. Then we can start to just explore how mechanisms within the brain explain aspects of these conscious experiences, explain the difference between, let’s say, vision, and hearing, and smell and self, and that way we’re saying testable and predictable things about the relationships between the brain and consciousness. We can just — It may seem a bit unsatisfying, but we can just leave aside the question of how and why consciousness comes to be a part of the universe in the first place. 

This isn’t really a cop out. I don’t think it’s a cop out at all, because the history of science has pursued this strategy very successful in many times before, and even in physics. Physicists cannot tell you why there is a universe in the first place. Nonetheless, we understand a great deal about it now, thanks to the methods of theoretical and experimental physics. Another analogy that’s not exactly a true analogy but is interesting if life. So it wasn’t that long ago, biologists thought that there could be no mechanistic explanation of the difference between the living and the nonliving, so they would propose something like an [inaudible 0:11:55.2] or a spark of life to some sort of special sauce that would explain that difference. Of course, now, while we don’t understand everything about life, this basic sense of mystery about what life is has faded away as biologists got on with the job of accounting for the properties of living systems.

I think we can do the same with consciousness. We can just start to explain its properties. We can do the normal business of science, which is develop theories that help explain, help control, help predict and see how we go. This is in fact what’s going on in my lab and in many other labs in the world, and I think a lot of really interesting progress is being made. It’s interesting to think why people find it’s unsatisfying. I think there’s a sense in which people ask more of a science of consciousness than they ask of other kinds of science, and I think this is partly because it’s so central to our own existence. We’re being faced with a challenge of coming up for a scientific explanation of what it is to be me or to be you, and so there’s something I think intuitive that we want — Firstly, there’s resistance to something like that being explained. Yeah, we want to cling on to ourselves as somehow especial, and then we will say ask more of a kind of scientific explanation of consciousness that it should be really intuitively satisfying somehow, and we don’t apply these criteria and other various of science at all. I don’t think we should do so in consciousness. We can just look at the brain, look at conscious experiences and get on with the job. 


[0:13:33.3] MB: So let’s dig in a little bit around the properties of consciousness. Tell me more about that. 

[0:13:39.5] AS: There’s a long list of ways to divide up what we mean by consciousness. I like to think of it quite simply in terms of three different aspects of consciousness, and I don’t think these three aspects are entirely independent. I think there’re complicated relations between them, but I don’t think it’s a useful starting point. 

The first property of consciousness is conscious level, and this I would describe as sort of scale from being completely lacking in any kind of consciousness at all, such as when you run the general anesthesia or in a coma or dead, let’s say, all the way to being vividly alert, awake, aware and conscious, fully conscious. 

An important thing here is that conscious level is not the same thing as just being physiologically awake. You can have conscious experiences when you’re asleep. This is what happens when you dream, and there’s also cases on the other side if you like where if you’ve had severe brain damage, been very unlucky to have some severe brain damage, you might end up in what was once called a vegetative state, now called the unaware wakeful state, which is a state where you go through sleep and wake cycles, eyes will open. Physiologically you will wake up, but there doesn’t seem to be any conscious experience going on at all. 

So the mechanisms that responsible for being conscious, it can overlap with, but they’re not going to be the same as the mechanisms that just modulate whether you’re physiologically awake or asleep. That’s conscious level. 

The second aspect is what I would like to call conscious content, which is when you’re conscious, you’re conscious of something. This is probably what most intuitively think of. You look around,  there’s a subjective scene. It has — You open your eyes, and you’re not blind. You open your eyes, there’s colors, shapes, objects of various kinds populating things visual scene, clouds on the horizon and whatever you happen to be looking at, but there’s also whatever you might be smelling at the time, hearing at the time. Then there are the sense, tactile senses of your body sitting on a chair. It’s the full content of your perceptual scene at any one time. That's conscious content. 

Again, we know there’s not any differences between different perceptual modalities, like vision and hearing and smell, but the brain can do a lot of this sensing of the world without consciousness being involved at all. We’re not necessarily conscious of everything that our eyes and ears detects. 

The third and final aspects of consciousness is actually a subset of conscious content, but it's a particularly important subset, and that’s the experience of being a particular person, of being me or being you. The experience of being the subject of that experience, and that is this experience of being somebody that is probably the aspect of consciousness that we feel most attached to and we’re most resistant to it being explained. It’s also that aspects of consciousness that can go wrong if you like in a lot of psychiatric conditions. 

[0:17:01.3] CS: I want to segue and get into a little bit, the way that we perceive reality and the way that we perceive the world, and you’ve talked about in the past, the idea of perceptual predictions and then how we’re not necessarily sort of passively perceiving what's happening around us, but in many instances kind of actively creating it. Could you elaborate on that? 

[0:17:22.4] AS: Yeah. This is an old idea, but I think it’s getting a new relevance now. I think this is a relevance that actually makes a difference to me in my everyday life. Now, there is a kind of intuitive way to think about sensation and perception as part of our conscious lives, which is that there’s a world out there and our eyes and our ears and our other sensory organs detect features of this world. Light waves, energy, hits our retina and so on, gets converted into signals, go deeper and deeper into the brain, and that sensation-perception is this process of interpretation, just the building up with sensory signals that originate from some sort of fixed external world that’s out there. 

Now, there’s another view and, again, this goes back in philosophy to Kans, if not before, and in psychology to a guy called Herman von Helmholtz in the late 19th century. He argued that perception was not so much just about this passive registration of sensory data that just impacts our sensory organs. It’s an act of construction that the sensory signals that we encounter — I mean, they don’t come labeled with; this is vision; this comes from a table; this is sound; this comes from my friend. It’s all just energy and it’s all kind of noisy and ambiguous and only indirectly related to what’s out there in the world. 

But our perception, or at least our conscious perception seems to be populated by determined objects. I’m not looking at the computer in front of me and the mug of tea in front of me and they seem to be there. How does this happen? Well, the idea is that the brain meets this noisy and ambiguous stream of sensory information with what we call prior predictions or expectations about what caused that sensory information. 

So what we see is not the sensory data itself or any kind of filtering of it. What we see is the interpretation of the brain's best guess about what caused that sensory data, and depending on what that best guess is, your perception will be different. Think of if you go outside on a day where it’s kind of cloudy. There are these nice little white fluffy clouds. It can be very easy to look at guys clouds and see the faces in them or see animals in them, see something strange in them. What’s happening there is that the brain is imposing an expectation of seeing your face on to some quiet ambiguous sensory data, and so that's what you actually see. I think we’ve all had the experience as well walking out maybe on a foggy day and you think you see your friend because you're expecting to meet them and it turns out to be a stranger. 

Our perception are always shaped by the interpretations our brain brings to bear, and we’re not conscious so much. We’re just conscious of the result. We’re conscious of how these predictions become combined with the sensory data. That shapes our perception. I think this is quite transformational for the way we think of the way we perceive the world around us. I mean, we have this sort of naïve realism that we think or it just seems to us that the world is out there as we perceive it. We have that phrase, I believe it when I it. You might as well say the other way around, that you only see things that you believe, and these beliefs can be unconscious. 

What this means is we probably all see, perceive the world in slightly different ways. Sometimes maybe in different ways depending on the expectations that our brain bring to bear on the sensory data. We all inhabit kind of different in the universe as this way. 

[0:21:13.9] MB: In your TED Talk, you have some really great examples of this, may be hard to kind of demonstrate in the podcast format, but I really found the example of kind of the checkerboard shadow to be really, really fascinating and also the kind of the auditory illusion that you’ve created during the show, which we’ll throw these in the show notes for listeners, but I thought those were great examples. 

[0:21:34.2] AS: Yeah. There’s a lot of examples that we come to every day. Optical illusions are a great source of you like kind of improvised or discovered experiments in psychology and neuroscience. Optical illusions work, because we’re just made to realize this discrepancy between the way things are and how we perceive them. You might have two lines. One looks longer than the other and then you measure them, they’re both the same length, but they still look different lengths. 

The checkerboard example that you mentioned, I think this is a beautiful example. That’s based on, is our brain — Or the visual system in our brain just knows that objects get darker when they’re in shadow. That’s a kind of rule that the visual cortex in our brain has. I was born with or it’s genetically wired in now or we learn it in the first years of life. That means that the brain is expecting the patterns of shadow to change sensory data in particular ways, and this illusion is called Adelson’s Checkerboard. Just means that we see few patches of gray. They’re going to look very, very different, but if you go and actually cut the patches out and put them next to each other, you’ll see they’re exactly the same color. What's happening here is our perception isn't just a direct reflection of what color a patch is. It’s really what color the patch should be given the pattern of light and shade that is happening. 

I always use that example as well just to — Some people think, “Oh! That means my vision isn't working very well. Why is biology screwed up and given me this visual system that can’t actually figure out what color something is.” That’s not what the visual system is supposed to do. It’s not supposed to figure out how much light is hitting the eye. It’s supposed to figure out what’s the most likely state of affairs out there in the environment and it does it beautifully. 

All these optical illusions and visual tricks that we have thought of right way. What they really demonstrate is how beautifully sophisticated and well adapted our visual system is. You’re dealing with the noisy visual information that we get by using these regularities about light and shade and concavity and convexity and any number of other things. Actually, generate for the organism a reliable picture of what's going on in the world around it. 

[0:24:03.0] MB: I think this larger point, kind of zooming back out a little bit, is really, really important, which is this idea that we think of the world outside of ourselves as this sort of fixed entity that’s precisely defined and we’re sort of passively perceiving it, but in many ways our own perceptions of what's happening around us are, in many cases, as you call them sort of a controlled hallucination. 

[0:24:27.5] AS: Yeah. I think it’s a nice phrase. I wish I could take credit for it. I first heard that phrase from Chris [inaudible 0:24:35.1], who’s a psychologist, one of my inspirations in London and actually nobody knows he first said it, but the idea of the controlled hallucination is that when we think of the word hallucination, you think of people perceiving things that aren’t there. I think we can almost think of it as just a slight imbalance in how normal perception works. Even normal perception, as we’ve been discussing, normal perception involves this continuing balancing act between sensory data and the brain’s interpretations of that sensory data. Now when you look at the white fluffy clouds and see if a face in them, that's a kind of hallucination going on there. So you can think of these sorts of hallucinations that people describe in schizophrenia or perhaps on psychoactive drugs of various kinds. That’s just tipping the balance even more. So the brain's prior expectations kind of overweight the sensory data and overcome, overwhelm the sensory data even more strongly so that what we perceive becomes less the dependent on signals from the world. 

Normal perception is a controlled hallucination, precisely this sense that the brain is always anticipating, always predicting what’s out there, but these predictions are controlled because they’re always constrained and reigned in and guided by the sensory data that we encounter, and it's when that process goes wrong, becomes imbalanced, either one way or the other way, that we start to see deviations from normal perception that people then start to worry about, because then they start disagreeing with people around them about what's actually going on. 

But there’s another thing — We’re beginning to be familiar with this idea in another context already. So a lot of people talk about echo chambers and filter bubbles and social media. We seek evidence that fits with our beliefs, and if we only expose to particular kinds of opinions because of the way social media works, the echo chamber phenomenon, then that’s the way we will believe the world to be one way and other people inhabiting the same world will hold a very different set of beliefs because their echo chamber is different because this sensory information they encounter and the prior beliefs they bring to bear are also different. 

I think the work that we're doing, me and many colleges, is showing the same thing applies to more basic levels to this. It's not just your abstract beliefs about what kind of politics is good. It also drills right down to how we perceive colors and shapes and things and objects in the world around us, and maybe not to such a degree, because probably a lot of the visual system is quite hardwired and quite inflexible, but it’s there to some degree, or at least the potential for it is there to some degree, and I think that's — It is a very important things to realize just this fact that we will have different or potentially different experiences of the world around us at this concrete perceptual level and not just more abstract level  beliefs and desires. 

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[0:28:59.4] MB: And I think the fact that it's sort of such a concrete physical manifestation of this phenomenon really underscores the fundamental conclusion that what we perceive and believe to be true may not be the case, whether it's physical, whether it's kind of an ideological construct, and I think the example of the social media echo chamber is a perfect example of this. We shouldn't always be so confident that our perceptions are correct, and I think if you look at some of the greatest thinkers and scientists, they come from a very humble perspective of constantly kind of questioning their own perceptions and ideas, and I think it's really interesting to see that mirrored not only from kind of intellectual sense if you look at something like a social media echo chamber, but really at a very basic physical sense all the way down to the way that our consciousness is created. 

[0:29:49.8] AS: That’s right. I mean, I think there’s the value of skepticism, of an informed skepticism, it’s always there in whatever context you want to discuss. Another method for people who’ve often used to the way we've been discussing perception is a process of hypothesis testing. The brain might have a hypothesis, a better guess about the way the world is, and then it will test that hypothesis with sensory data. In fact, it will try to seek out sensory data that will either confirm or disconfirm its hypothesis, in much the same way that a scientist would have a hypothesis and do an experiment that might confirm or disconfirm their scientific hypothesis. 

Of course, if you take that all the way, then I also have to remain very skeptical about everything that I've been saying about consciousness. I could be entirely wrong about it too. It's just another hypothesis, but of course that’s the beauty of the scientific approach of these things, is that we will continue to do the experiments and if all these ideas about perception being prediction turn out to be off the mark, we’ll find out, and it will come up with a better theory. Yeah, skepticism is great all the way, but it's even better when you contested against the court of reality. 

[0:31:09.2] MB: I want to segue now and talk a little bit about — We’ve talked about the external world, but the same phenomenon applies to our perceptions of the self and of ourselves. Can you tell me a little bit about that? 

[0:31:23.2] AS: This is where things get really interesting to me, and where it gets intuitively challenging from — And first-person perspective on these issues as well, because it’s — Yeah, I think it’s one thing to think about how our perception of the external world as a construction. I’m okay if somebody tells me that there’s no such thing as the color red out there. That’s something that the brain has sort of invented as a convenient representation of a certain kind of invariants in the way light reflects from surfaces. That's fine. Redness is something that my brain is generating to make the world more understandable, and optical illusion is fine. Yeah, okay. Those two lines, they are actually the same length even though they look different. I’ll accept that and move on with my life. 

Now it becomes more challenging when you type exactly the same principles, exactly the same mechanisms and exactly the same lessons and apply them to our perception itself, because the experience of being a self, of being a subject of experience, really, it’s just another kind of perception. It’s not something that it sits behind all other experiences receiving them somehow, like an immaterial soul or something like that. No. It's something else that’s very, very tightly dependent on particular brain mechanisms, and the experience of being a self is also compose of many potentially separable elements. 

One of the most obvious of these is the experience of embodiment. William James was one of the founders of psychology. Used to talked about it in the following way, and he would say that the experience of being a body is somehow always there. It’s always in the background. Our experience of the world around us is changing as we move around it. But there’s always the experiences of the same old body going along for the ride. 

And because it's always there and it changes, but pretty slowly over the course of a lifetime, unless you have an injury or something, or an illness, it's tempting to just push it also into the background and think we don’t really have to explain it. But the experience of what isn’t and what is not the body is another kind of controlled hallucination, and we can demonstrate this very easily. There are plenty of experiments and one of the things I show in the TED Talk is this thing called rub a hand illusion, which is a very simple demonstration where you have a fake rubber hand, looks like a real hand, and you put it in front of someone. They hide their real hand, then the experimenter takes a paint brush, two paint brushes and strokes the rubber hand in time with striking the person's real hand, even though they can't see this happening to their real hand. 

From the subject’s point of view, what they see is a fake hand. It looks like a hand and is roughly where a hand should be. They see it being stroke and they feel the stroking, because the real hand is being stroked as well. For the brain, this becomes enough sensory evidence that it updates its best guess about what is going so that the person actually starts to experience the rubber hand as being part of their body. It’s a really uncanny experience. At one level you know is not part of your body, but another level, you feel it is part of your body, and this shows that even something as basic as what is and what is not our body, even something as basic as that is activity on-the-fly always a best guess, a hypothesis to the best explanation generated by the brain. 

Then that applies, I think anyway, to pretty much all other aspects of self that we have, whether it's the experience of making a volitional movement, when I intend to do something and I feel I’ve caused that movement. That’s just the brain’s best guess of a movement that had a relatively internal versus external cause. it's not evidence for any kind of free will or anything like that. All these elements of selfhood can all be explained by mechanisms. 

Of course, it doesn't seem like that to me yet, even doing these experiments and thinking about these things for many years now, it still doesn't seem like that to me. I seem to be this unified self somehow sitting somewhere behind my eyes, looking out on an external world. I mean, that still seems to be the way things are even though we can do all these experiments to show that was actually happening under the hood is something quite different. 

[0:36:02.0] MB: Yeah, I've heard of the rubber hand illusion, or the rubber head experiment. It’s so fascinating. I mean, I think the whole kind of conversation of what is the self, what is the body, what is our experience of it, and the fact that if you really kind of keep digging and asking these questions, it's not that clear or that obvious or even that sort of scientifically coherent as in terms of what we think it is. In many ways, it kind of opens a door philosophically. It makes me think of people like Alan Watts and others and it’s a really, really fascinating kind of journey in sort of a rabbit hole that you can go down.

[0:36:38.5] AS: That's right. I mean, I think there’re many other paths that people can take when they really are interested in understanding the origin and the structure of their experiences of the world and self. Some of them, what I do in the lab here is a more scientific one, where we’ll try to manipulate these experiences in systematic ways, figure out what's going on. But, of course, there are traditions of mindfulness and meditation which can lead to similar insights in a different — Meditation is not going to deliver by itself, and neuro-scientific explanation of what's going on, but it also post a challenge, similar challenges to our assumptions of the unity or the self and this naïve realism by which we experience the contents of our perception as reflecting and being identical with some external existence, an external reality. Certainly, we can take various kinds of substances and also alter our perception in different ways too. Religious ceremonies also can do this. 

I think there’s a common theme to a lot of these things though, which is that — I’m thinking here of something like an out of body experience. This is happen. People have out of body experiences. They feel that they’ve left their body. They’re seeing their body from a different perspective. They may be floating above it or leaving it behind in some way, and people have reported these kinds of experiences throughout history in various sorts of contexts, and they’ve usually accompanied these reports with some sort of explanation of what's going on and it's often something like, “Well, I have an out of body experience, so therefore my soul has left my body and had started flying around.” 

This is where I think we get into a little bit of trouble, because we should take very seriously that people have these experiences, but the kind of intuitive explanation for them might not be right, and in this case almost certainly isn't right. So the explanation for an out of body experience is going to be something like the brain has the — Whatever reasons, maybe suddenly cut off from input coming from inside its own body. That is it’s perspective. The origin of its first-person perspective is now somewhere else. But that experience is still generated by the stuff inside that person's skull, and that — I think thinking things this way is very helpful, because it preserves the importance of these kinds of unusual experiences that people have about, the dissolution of their ego or an out of body experience or whatever it may be, but it provides a more satisfying mechanistic explanation for what's going on. That way, I think, leads to a fuller understanding of how our experience of the self is actually constructed and how it can fall apart in the ways that it can fall apart and sometimes does. 

[0:39:47.4] MB: How has this understanding of the self and the way that it's constructed impacted the way that you kind of think about life and think about your own self? 

[0:39:59.6] AS: That’s a great question, and I often wonder what a similar version of me would be like that had done something completely different had not been entrusted or been researching in consciousness neuroscience at all. They’d not be properly able to answer your question. As it is, there’s only been one of me, so it’s hard to compare with the counts of actual. 

But what I can say is that sometimes it just fades into the background. I mean, sometimes it’s just what you do in the lab and you’re getting your papers out and you’re trying to get your grants and you’re having some detailed discussion about the statistics on this or that experiment and you get equally frustrated by things in your life and in the world that then you would do otherwise. 

But there are times, and for me it’s often when I’m maybe having some sort of thinking time or going for a walk or just sitting back the chair for a moment and realize that my experiences then is this construction is no external reality. And I think, for me, this is quite an enlightening and wonderful experience, this realization that what I’m experiencing is this construction, is on-the-fly construction of the brain that is not necessarily the way things are, that it’s not necessary the way things seem to other people. So it can change the way you interact with other people. If you can hold this in the mind at the right time, that they may be believing, seeing things that are actually slightly different from you. 

I also think that it has the potential to change one's relationship with one's own emotional state, and I think this is probably one of the more important implications both scientifically and in terms of personal development. The story here would get something like this, that just as my experience of something out there in the world is an interpretation of that, say, visual signals or light bouncing off objects. My experience of having a particular emotion is also another aspect of self. It’s also another interpretation of sensory data, but in this case it's a sensory data that largely comes from inside the body and how the heart is beating, how tight my stomach is and what the level of various chemicals in my bloodstream are. 

This is, again, an old idea that emotions are really perceptions of changes in the physiological state of body. Again, it carries this implication that the way you feel at any time is the brain's best guess about what's happening to its body. It's not necessarily the way things are or the way things have to be. If you can sort of appreciate that in the moment, I think it can help with emotional regulation, with emotional control, with being aware of what's happening to you and sometimes breaking vicious circles of negative emotions. 

Now, in my own life, this is still very much a work in progress. I often enter states where I just feel the way I feel, and if it’s a negative set of feelings, those persistent amplify each other and I find it very difficult to apply what I know about the mechanisms of emotions to changing my lived experience of them. But I do think the potential is there for applying these insights in my own life. I think the potential is also that, scientifically, once we understand the mechanisms of what underlies the generation of particular emotion and mood states, then we’ll have also a much better handle on developing treatments for conditions like depression or negative emotions and anxiety and so on and so forth. But it’s certainly not a shortcut. It’s not that you study neuroscience and then you become enlightened and everything suddenly is revealed to be a different way. I think it does impacts, but you have to continuously pay attention. You have to continuously bring to mind the relevance of what you’re doing for your everyday life. But it’s definitely there. 

[0:44:20.0] MB: Would you be willing to share a little bit of your own journey or your own kind of battle with negative emotional states and kind of how you’ve dealt with those? 

[0:44:29.0] AS: Yes, I would. For many years now, and not that frequently, but from time to time, and unlike many other people, I’ve had episodes of uni-polar depression. So the kind of depression where you just sink into a very, very negative emotional states without the corresponding kind of manic and high state that some people get on the other side. These states of depression only have my own benchmarks to go by, but they are completely debilitating and I wouldn't wish them on anybody else at all. 

Now, this has been going on for me on and off for much longer than I've been studying consciousness and neuroscience, but it has been a motivation at the same time because I've always been interested in what's actually happening to me here, what’s happening to my brain and my body that brings about these conditions. 

One of the things about the phenomenology of depression, it's not just persistent sadness. It’s something very, very different from that. In fact, in my own experience, I feel state of depression kind of often most prominently in my body. You’ll feel very, very negative symptoms coming from the way you experience your limb, that they really shouldn't be there in some way. There’s clearly something going on with how the brain is interpreting signals from its body. Then, of course, you end up cycling into lots of remuneration and negative thinking and self-blame and all the other self-reinforcing things that go on that sustain and deepen these depressive episodes. 

Now, I have not got a solution. I certainly think there are many approaches which seem to be partially successful and work differently for different people. So I’m not going to say anything particularly conclusive, for instance, about medications. So we have things like SSRI medications, serotonin reuptake inhibitors, like citalopram or Prozac. These work for some people. They work better for some people than for other people, but they are pretty blunt pharmacological tool. You’re not going in and delicately adjusting the mechanisms of the brain to fix a particular problem. You’re kind of washing, treating the brain like a kind of bag of chemicals and just spraying a bit more into it. There was an analogy, I think, I heard, taking an SSRI is something like if you got a car engine that’s not working properly, you just open the hood and pour a bunch of oil all over the engine and hope some of it gets to the right place. It’s a bit like that. It’s pretty nonspecific, but it can work a little. Of course, cognitive behavioral therapy also has a very important place in helping us resist the kind of vicious circularity of the negative thinking that can happen. 

I, in the research that I’m doing and other groups doing this too, trying to understand the mechanisms of depression in more precise way about how the brain predicts and control the internal state of the body, and I think this is an extraordinary important line of work, because it’s not just from my own person experience. It’s the statistics out there for anybody to read the impact, the social and economic impact of the depression is huge, not to mention, the cost and personal suffering that depression causes and it doesn't seem to be going away anytime soon. 

So, coming up with a better mechanistic understanding of what is going on I think is one of the more important things that anybody doing neuroscience could be doing. It doesn't necessarily help in the day-to-day. So the struggles that I personally have with it, on just tries to occasionally hold in one's mind the idea that these negative feelings, these emotional feelings aren’t necessarily reflecting the way things are or the way things have to be, that they will pass, that it will be possible to feel different again. 

I think the way I can use the neuro-scientific knowledge here is just to give myself a reason to expect things to pass, to expect things to — that however low you get, they will get a bit better. It may not seem like that at the time, but it does seem to be like that in the end. 

[0:49:09.8] MB: What interventions have you found to be the most effective for yourself and kind of mitigating some of those symptoms or experiences?

[0:49:19.0] AS: Personally, I found these sorts of things that you often hear work for people. I mean, it becomes really not that much based on my scientific knowledge of these matters anymore. There’s the importance of reconnecting with the world around me. So what always works for me when nothing else really works is to go for a long walk in the country, partly that there’s a rhythmicity to that, I think, that sets the body doing something. There’s the sort of right kind of sensory stimulation that prevents you from — The world is still there. The world doesn't really care about whatever the proximate cause of your depression might be at a particular time. Exercise, fresh air nature. I mean, I’m saying anything that is remotely new here at all. The key is — And this has been for me, is that you forget that these things work. You forget and you think, “That’s not going to work. There’s no point.” But if I do to get myself out into the world a little bit, it does make a big difference. But there is no one thing. There is not one thing that I’ve found that I can say, “Okay. It’s time for that now.” Sometimes it’s a case of waiting it out a little bit as well and gradually things get a little bit more into perspective, and cognitive behavioral therapy has also helped. We’re all, I think, praying to — Our own internal echo chamber this way. We think thoughts that reinforce the thoughts that we've already been thinking, all the beliefs that we already have about ourselves and our place in the world. To break that vicious circle through embedding, we’re trying to make automatic certain responses to negative thinking is also extremely, extremely helpful. That’s also worked for me too at times. 

[0:51:16.7] MB: Thank you for kind of going into that and sharing your own personal experience. I think it’s courageous and also really valuable for listeners to kind of hear that and hear someone who's obviously a very accomplished scientist still struggles with some of these issues and also what you've done to kind of help mitigate that. 

[0:51:36.6] AS: Yeah, I think it’s — I mean, we all know there’s a still a stigma out there about mental illness, and I think it should be — I think, whatever any of us can do to challenge that is a good thing, and whether if this helps in some small way, then I hope that’s also a good thing too. I don't want to give the kind of the other completely wrong impression. Also, these things, these episodes can also be pretty transient. One of the things that I would caution against is — And, again, this is part of the stigma aspect of it, I think too. People aren’t defined by their suffering from this or that psychiatric issue or mental health problem or psychological problem, however you want to describe it, in the same way that you wouldn't define somebody by their suffering from a more obviously physiological disease, for having a cold or having a flu or something like that. It can affect you and it certainly changed my personality in some ways, but hopefully in a way that some sense made me more aware of my own inner emotional state and what affects them. 

Yes, that’s just other — The flip side of the coin as well, is that we — Those of us that have experienced things like that would not want to be defined that way either. I think the same will probably go for pretty much anybody in that condition. 

[0:52:59.3] MB: Thank you again for sharing that personal experience, and I think it's really valuable and helpful. To kind of segue back to the broader conversation we’ve had, what would be, for listeners who kind of listen to this episode and are curious about consciousness or learning more or even maybe who are struggling with something like depression, what would be kind of one action step or kind of piece of homework you would give them to implement some of the ideas we’ve talked about today?

[0:53:25.3] AS: That's a good question. I think go and do that course in neuroscience. That’s one action step. I’m kind of half serious about that. I think there’s a lot of good, popular, accessible literature out there now about the brain, about emotion, about neuroscience and perception that even a non-technical understanding of this can help develop this realization that the way we experience things, the world around us and ourselves isn't necessary where things are. Of course, delayed in writing in my own book about this, but hopefully I’ll be able to talk more about that next year. 

The other actions step is, yeah, I think — Again, this may not work for everyone. Just when you’re walking around in your daily life, try to make it a routine. Just experiment with this for a little bit, and I’m just thinking about this now. Maybe this works, but if you just walk around, and now and again just reflects on your own perception. Just reflect on what you are experiencing at that moment and try to experience it as a construction. If you see patterns of light and shade and objects, try to understand that your experience of the things in the world at that moment, how they might be generated by this interaction between the brain guessing about what’s out there and the light coming into your eyes. 

Try just a little bit to get under the hood of your experiences now and again, and I think if you can do that, that would be another avenue towards understanding this relationship between the naïve realism that are experiences have where we just — As we’ve discussed, a lot of reign, is this hour that we just experience things as real and this appreciation of how, in fact, dependent our experiences are on how the brain is bringing its side of the story to what's going on. 

[0:55:29.6] MB: Where can listeners find you and your work online? 

[0:55:34.1] AS: The best place to look, try to collect everything in the moment on my personal website, which is anilsith.com. There’s a number of other podcasts, interviews and pieces of writing, and also a whole load of research papers from myself and my lab there as well. So anilseth.com would be the place to look. 

[0:55:56.4] MB: Well, Anil, thank you so much for coming on the show, sharing all of your wisdom and experiences, fascinating conversation, and I really appreciate your time and contribution. 

[0:56:05.0] AS: Thanks again for the opportunities. It’s been a pleasure to talk to you. 

[0:56:08.0] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you, our listeners, master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story or just say hi, shoot me an email. My email is matt@successpodcast.com. That's matt@successpodcast.com. I'd love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener email. 

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April 26, 2018 /Lace Gilger
Mind Expansion
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Using Science to Create the Perfect Day with Caroline Webb

April 19, 2018 by Lace Gilger in Focus & Productivity

In this episode, we look at how to use insights from behavioral science to improve your life. We look at what it means to have a “good day” and figure out how to reverse engineer more good days, by examining decision making, the power of rest and recovery, intention setting, setting boundaries, and much more with our guest Caroline Webb. 

Caroline Webb is CEO of Sevenshift, a firm that uses insights from behavioral science to improve their client’s working lives. She was previously a partner at McKinsey consulting and is the best selling author of How To Have A Good Day, which has been published in 16 languages in more than 60 countries. Her work has been featured in Inc., Forbes, Fortune, and much more.

  • What does it mean to have a good day? What does that have to do with the science of improving your life?

  • What is a bad day? what is a good day?

  • 3 Core things about having a good day

  • Working on your priorities

    1. Feeling that you’re producing great work

    2. Can it be repeated?

  • What is the science behind what actually allows people and organizations to change?

  • The two system brain - there are two systems that interact in the brain, as Kahneman called them System 1 and System 2. 

  • “System 2” - the slow system, our conscious experience, deliberate thinking mind, but it moves slowly and can only process information slowly and clunkily 

    1. “System 1” - the automatic system - our subconscious mind, immense processing power, but it often takes shortcuts 

  • How do we create the conditions for our deliberate system to be as successful as possible?

  • Breaks are not for wimps, breaks are crucial opportunities to reboot your deliberate system and improve your thinking and decision-making

  • Frequent, short breaks enormously enhance your mental ability 

  • Short cardio activity will boost your focus and mood materially

  • When we are resting, we encode and consolidate information - and often create new insight

  • When you “single task” you work about 30% faster than someone who is multi-tasking - every time your attention switches, there is a cost in time and processing power

  • Why saying "ABCDEFG 1234567” is so much easier than saying "A1, B2, C3, D4, E5, F6, G7”

  • What’s the most important thing you’re doing today and how can you get yourself to single task on that?

  • Willpower is not the way to create big changes in your life, it's about changing your environment

  • Switching your phone to monochrome to help make it less attractive 

  • Nudges vs Sludges - how to shift your environment to create behavioral change

  • The currency of our lives is attention

  • Your brain is constantly filtering out a huge amount of information - and whatever is top of mind for you filter your reality

  • The hard science of setting your intentions - set what attitude you want to have, what your aim is, what your assumptions are, etc - setting intentions can have a material impact on your behavior

  • Defensive mode vs discovery mode - and what happens when we get put into a “fight or flight” response

  • The best strategies for rapidly getting out of the defensive mode.

  • Distancing - put yourself at some distance from the situation. Tells the brain that the threat is further away.

  • “What will I think about this when I look back in a year’s time?”

    1. “What would I tell a friend if they were in this situation?”

    2. ‘What would my wisest friend/mentor say in this situation?”

  • Labeling - label how you are feeling. By labeling the emotion you are experiencing you tell the brain that “the threat has been acknowledged”

  • Re-appraisal - a powerful technique that has longer lasting effects - trains you to think flexibly about alternative explanations. 

  • What are the facts of what’s happened?

    1. What am I assuming?

    2. What would be an alternative explanation?

  • This isn’t “The Secret” - there is a lot of science around how you can be more productive and effective

  • The importance of being proactive vs being reactive 

  • How do you set boundaries without ruining your relationships? How do you say no in an elegant and graceful way?

  • “The Positive No” - the scientific way to say no, politely

  • Don’t start with “sorry”

    1. Start with something that keeps the other person out of discovery mode - appreciate them in some way “I really appreciate you inviting me”, etc 

    2. Then go into what you’re saying YES to “I’ve got an exciting project on my plate that I need to complete by the end of XYZ that will have a huge impact”

    3. As a result, I’m having to make some tough choices about how I spend my time, and I can’t come to the meeting, I’m sorry

    4. End with warmth and wish them well

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Thank you so much for listening!

Please SUBSCRIBE and LEAVE US A REVIEW on iTunes! (Click here for instructions on how to do that).

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This weeks episode is brought to you by our partners at Skillshare!

For a limited time, Skillshare is offering our listeners TWO MONTHS OF UNLIMITED CLASSES for only $0.99! That's UNLIMITED classes for two months for only $0.99. Go to www.skillshare.com/success to redeem this incredible offer NOW!

Skillshare is an online learning platform with over 18,000 classes in design, business, technology, and more. Whether you’re trying to deepen your professional skill-set, start a side hustle, or just explore something new, Skillshare will keep you learning in 2018 and beyond.

Again, Skillshare is offering our listeners the incredible deal of two whole months of UNLIMITED classes for only $0.99 so get out there and start learning at www.skillshare.com/success

SHOW NOTES, LINKS, & RESEARCH

  • [Book] Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman

  • [SoS Episode] How You Can Hack Your Creativity, Productivity, and Mood Using Your Environment with Benjamin Hardy

  • [Website] Inbox When Ready

  • [Book] How to Have a Good Day: Harness the Power of Behavioral Science to Transform Your Working Life by Caroline Webb

  • [Book] Nudge: Improving Decisions About Health, Wealth, and Happiness by Richard H. Thaler and Cass R. Sunstein

  • [App] Moment

  • [SoS Episode] The Secret That Silicon Valley Giants Don’t Want You To Know with Dr. Adam Alter

  • [SoS Episode] The Reality of Perception

  • [Website] The Invisible Gorilla

  • [SoS Episode] Four Questions That Will Change Your World - An Exploration of “The Work” with Byron Katie

  • [Personal Site] Caroline Webb

Episode Transcript


[00:00:06.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:11.8] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success; the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the internet with more than a million downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries.

In this episode, we look at how to use insights from behavioral science to improve your life. We examine what it means to have a good day and figure out how to reverse engineer more good days by examining decision-making, the power of rest, recovery and breaks, intention setting, boundaries and much more with our guest, Caroline Webb.

I'm going to give you three reasons why you should join our e-mail list today by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the home page. There's some amazing stuff that's only available to our e-mail subscribers, so be sure to sign up and join the e-mail list today.

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[0:02:49.7] MB: Today, we have another exciting guest on the show, Caroline Webb. Caroline is the CEO of Sevenshift, a firm that uses insights from behavioral science to improve their clients’ working lives. She's previously a partner at McKinsey Consulting and is the best-selling author of how to have a good day, which has been published in 16 languages in more than 60 countries. Her work has been featured in Inc., Forbes, Fortune and much more.

Caroline, welcome to the Science of Success.

[0:03:15.1] CW: Hi Matt. I'm delighted to be here.

[0:03:16.6] MB: We're super excited to have you on the show today. I'd love to start out with at a high level. Tell me a little bit about what does it mean to have a good day?

[0:03:25.6] CW: Yeah. It's an audacious title for a book, isn't it? Because it does suggest that I have a strong perspective on what a good day is. The truth is of course everyone's a little bit different. For many years at McKinsey, their consulting firm, I was doing organizational change work and at the beginning of every single project, and that meant working across an enormous number of organizations, I would always ask people in interviews what is a good day for you and what is a bad day and what would it take to get more good days?

Over the years, the number of data points that just started to come together really struck me that there were three big themes. There was something around feeling that your time was spent on the right things and that was something about priorities, it was something about productivity and going after those priorities.

There was something about feeling great about knocking the ball out of the park on whatever it was that you were doing, and of course sometimes that's about having brilliant conversations and really having perfect interactions with everybody you meet. Sometimes it's about just being brilliant in the way that you express yourself and the influence that you have and sometimes it's about being brilliant in the quality of the thinking that you do.

Then there's always something about the extent to which it feels like it's something that people can repeat at the end of the day. You get to the end the day, are you exhausted, or do you feel you've got some energy, do you feel you've been able to be resilient to the ups and downs, has there been some enjoyments and pleasure, even some laughter?

I think those were the pillars that just came up again and again with people at beginning of their career, late in their career and all sorts of different cultures. That's what I wanted to write a book about; what's the science that tells us how to do all of those things?

[0:05:03.2] MB: I think that's a great point, because you talked – when you hear have a good day, it sounds a bit fluffy. Obviously, the book and your work is a lot more rooted in science and data than that. Tell me a little bit more about the scientific research behind a lot of the work that you talk about in the book?

[0:05:20.9] CW: Well, I had a first career as an economist, which was a very technical role. I took that interest in an evidence-based approach to as it was then – I was making public policy. I was a public policy economist. I took that interest in always being grounded in what the evidence says, really through every part of my career.

After about a decade working as an economist, I went into consulting, because I was interested in getting a little bit closer to the human side of what economics, it always been appealing to me about, and interested in the sense of what is it that really enables people to change and  what is it that allows an organization to move its culture in a more positive direction and so on?

I did some additional training in psychology and neuroscience as it became obvious to me that economics really wasn't the whole story when it comes to behavioral science. What I noticed was that when I was working with people on changing their team's behavior, their company’s culture, there was a lot of skepticism about well people coming in and waving their arms around the saying you should behave differently, as you can imagine.

What I noticed was that people were way more willing to explore new ways of behaving if they understood what the science was behind it. I started to understand that really quite a small amount of understanding of how our brains work, why we think and feel and behave the way we do actually made a dramatic difference to people's willingness and ability to make changes in their lives.

That just became really central to my style over 12 years as a management consultant, that I would always start with the science of what we were trying to do. Of course, then very quickly moved to the practical implications of that. I always found that smart people need a clear sense of the why, as well as the how in deciding what they're going to shift in the way they operate. That blend of science and practice has been so central to my practice now for a really long time.

[0:07:18.9] MB: Let's dig into some of the scientific components of having a good day and living a productive life. One of the core ideas that you talk about is this notion of the two system brain can you tell me a little bit more about that.

[0:07:30.8] CW: Well, that's something that exists in just about every strain of behavioral science. You probably, if you've read down in comments, thinking fast and slow you'll notice the slow and the fastest system two and system one in that order. We have this understanding now over many decades of research, that there are two systems that interact in our brains. One is that it – one is the one that takes care of everything we do consciously.

It's responsible for reasoning, for self-control, for planning. It's the thing that we think of as ourselves, because it's what we're conscious of. That is known as system two and that is the slow system and it has its limitations; it's what makes us feel as if we're intelligent human sentient human beings.

It's also got limitations in the amount of information it can process and the extent to which it can process multiple activities at once. We're very lucky to have this other system, which is the automatic system, which takes care of everything on autopilot and filters out a ton of information that the deliberate system would find overwhelming to process.

It's the interaction of these two systems that really makes us the amazing human beings that we are. A lot of the time when we're working from day-to-day when we're going through our lives, we're not really all that conscious of the fact that our automatic system is taking shortcuts all the time. Sometimes doing some dumb stuff, it's what makes us when we are feeling stressed, it's what makes us blurt out silly things, it's what makes us perhaps fall prey to fallacies and scams.

It's always taking the easy answer rather than the right answer. Thank goodness, because we don't want to overthink absolutely everything but it does trip us up. It really helps to understand how we create the conditions for our deliberate system to be at its best from day-to-day, not to get too tired, not to get too overloaded, and recognize the limitations of the automatic system so that we can make good choices and not do dumb things.

[0:09:37.0] MB: I think that's so important and in many ways comes back to the the evolution of the brain and the physical limitations of our mental hardware. The subconscious mind has so much processing power, but yet, it falls prey to all these shortcuts, which really manifest themselves in cognitive biases and misperceptions and improper reactions.

[0:10:00.5] CW: Yeah, exactly. I think one of the simplest things that we can do to get the best out of ourselves from day-to-day is to recognize that if we tire out our deliberate system, then our automatic system will kick in and it just doesn't make the choices that are always right. If you are making a big decision about where to invest, I don't know, where to open your next branch, or where to make a big new investment, you want to think about all the different options, you want to weigh out your pros and cons and you want to be thoughtful about making sure that you're not just jumping to conclusions.

The thing is that if you saw an Italian colleague this morning, it might just plant subconsciously the idea that investing in Italy is a fantastic idea, which it might be, but that's an example of the  shortcut that your brain might take that isn't necessarily something you're conscious of, but that might lead you in a direction that isn't quite right.

On the other hand, if you see an Italian colleague and you are organizing over where to take your client to lunch; fine, it's great if it then leads you to decide to go for an Italian restaurant. I mean, that's not a big deal. It's quite useful to have our automatic system taking shortcuts for the small everyday stuff. We just need to be aware that when we are making bigger and more important decisions, we should slow down and make sure that we're considering multiple options.

[0:11:20.0]  MB: How do we take that, sort of the distinction between system one and system two and what are the practical implications for that from the way we should be shaping our behavior?

[0:11:30.7] CW: Yeah. Well, I think being super kind to your deliberate system by thinking about the fact that the longer we go without taking a break, more exhausted it is and the worse our decisions are, there’s fascinating range of studies from buying a suit, question of whether you wash your hands if you're a hospital worker. People make poor choices, poor decisions the longer it is since they've taken a break, because their deliberate system is tired.

I think one of the biggest shifts that I've seen my life and I've seen in colleagues lives is to understand that breaks are not for wimps. Breaks are actually crucial reboot opportunities for your deliberate system. If you don't take that time, you are going to find that your thinking is less sharp. You won't be aware of it necessarily, but you will be making poor choices. It doesn't have to be a long break. The evidence is pretty clear, that actually pretty short breaks and pretty frequent short breaks will give you an enormously enhanced ability to make good choices throughout the day.

You think about the length of the average meeting and how long we go before really taking a break, we might go from one thing to the next, to the next, to the next, and we often don't give ourselves the chance to step back and reflect. If there were one thing, I would say is helpful in giving our deliberate system the situation it needs to be at its best, I would say to take more breaks.

The other is of course, as you will probably know is to do more single tasking, and not to overload our brain with requests, because we know that the deliberate system can actually only do one thing at a time, much as we think that we can do multiple things in parallel.

[0:13:08.5] MB: I want to get into multitasking, but before we dive down that rabbit hole, tell me a little bit more about what are these breaks, or what should these breaks look like, how long should they be and what should we do during the breaks?

[0:13:20.6] CW: Well, everyone's a little bit different. Research suggests that if you are in a situation where you can't actually get up physically and go for a walk, there is a huge benefit to some physical activity in terms of boosting your focus and your mood very quickly if you have an ability to get a moderate amount of cardiovascular activity. That means just going for a brisk walk for 10 minutes.

If you can't do that, in fact if you're rooted say at your desk and you can't actually physically get up, what's been interesting in the research is that it helps to shift task to something different, and that when you return to the original task, then there's just enough refreshment in your brain that you're able to come to what you were looking at before with some fresh insight.

Some of that is about resting the brain, but some of it is also about what goes on in the so-called resting brain, which is that we continue to encode and consolidate information that we've previously been exposed to, when we are supposedly stepping away and not doing anything with it.

That's why  when you do step away and come back, there's not just perhaps a little bit of extra energy and more cognitive ability, more focus, but often new insight, because your brain has been processing the information in the background and doing interesting things with it. I would encourage people to think about how to, you know if they're in the middle of a writing task, maybe think about doing something visual, or vice versa, or if they're sinking into the depths of Excel to maybe  take out a piece of paper and do a little bit of freehand writing about their next big project. This refreshment has been shown to be pretty helpful when we're trying to have a breakthrough into what we’re doing.

[0:15:04.6] MB: That's such an important concept. I think there's a some neuroscience literature around the phrase creative incubation, which we described as similar or the same phenomenon, which is that idea that if you're struggling with something and you step away for 10 minutes, or an hour, or even longer and then you come back, you almost immediately often figure out what was causing you to struggle with it.

[0:15:25.2] CW: Yeah, and we know that overnight when you – the idea of sleeping is also something, and then you suddenly see the way forward the next day. Studies have shown that even a two or three-minute incubation period can be enough to come back with fresh insight. Again, as I say, it's the fact that you were obviously soaking in a bunch of information, you step away from it and your brain doesn't stop thinking about it. It's subconsciously and the automatic system is doing some interesting processing. If you think about what insight is, it's connecting existing information in new ways. It's allowing you to see a new way forward, because you're connecting the dots in a different way.

That background processing is exactly what you need quite often to solve things where there isn't an obvious linear way forward. Yeah, just taking – if you do nothing else, getting up and stretching for two minutes and then coming back, I mean, frankly just going to the restroom can be enough to come back and then suddenly see a new way forward.

Yeah. I know lots and lots of people who don't really give themselves those breaks during the day, and it would be one very simple thing that people could do to boost their productivity and their insight.

[0:16:32.1] MB: What about longer planned periods of downtime and recovery? The notion of  working an 80-hour a week, versus working a 50 or 60-hour week and what's the productivity difference between those two strategies?

[0:16:48.3] CW: That’s a good question. I'm speaking as someone who worked in consulting, which is famous for long hours, but had entirely average normal person stamina. I can tell you that it turned out to be pretty possible to do 80 hours work, what was supposed to be 80 hours work in 50 hours work if you were very, very clear about your boundaries. I had to actually  work shorter hours than the people around me.

I just didn't have the physical stamina to run short of sleep. That speaks to me quite personally that question. There's certainly obviously industries where there is an expectation that you're always on, because perhaps you're in client service and it's always the client first, whenever the client wants something you have to jump.

The evidence is clear that once you get beyond – Well, there are lots of different studies that paint different points. There's definitely evidence to suggest that after you've worked eight hours that your productivity starts to decline in a day. Everyone is again and as I said before a little bit different, but I think recognizing that if you are really strict about the boundaries that you set during the day, the chances are you can probably reduce the amount of time that you're spending in a day. I mean, just the fact that single tasking means that you are working on average about 30%  faster than multitasking is going to give you back a bunch of time in the day, for example.

[0:18:15.9] MB: Let's dig into that a little bit. Tell me more about single-tasking and whether or not it's possible to multitask?

[0:18:24.7] CW: Yeah. The brain has a single attentional bottleneck, which means that when we're doing things that require conscious attention and we're doing them in parallel, we think that we're actually processing in parallel, but actually we're asking our brain to switch attention from one thing to the other and then back again and then back again and back again.

In each of these tiny switches, which are so small we don't really notice them, but if each of these switches we are losing a little bit of time and mental energy. I sometimes demonstrate this by getting people to say 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and then to say ABCDEFG as fast as they can. Then to mix them up, so you say A1, B2, C3 and so on.

If you're trying this at home, what you'll notice is first of all, it suddenly becomes very hard to get through the combination. It should take about the same amount of time put together as when you do less as a number separately, but the cost of switching from one to the other is so great that what you experience directly by trying that is more or less what's been found in the laboratory, which is that  when we try to do two things at once and that's not counting trying to do three things at once or four things at once, if you've got Slack open while you're on a conference call, then you're e-mailing at the same time.

You've got you've got a hit, which is really dramatic; you make between two and four times as many errors and you slow yourself down by about 30%. That's on simple tasks. There's also interesting studies that look at the quality of decisions, that you can make when you are constantly being interrupted. Yes by and large we make poorer decisions when we're interrupted, and we get more stressed when we are trying to multitask. It's much harder to be creative and so on.

Studies just pile up on this, and it is all because your poor deliberate system can only actually do one thing at a time. I think sometimes we think we can, because the automatic system can do multiple things at once. Something really doesn't require any conscious attention, then you can do it in parallel, which is why you can maybe check your e-mail while you're brushing your teeth. I mean, obviously not that anyone does that, right?

[0:20:39.4] MB: That's a great example. I just tried to do the ABC exercise in my head. After about C3, I basically started –

[0:20:47.6] CW: Yeah, you lose the will.

[0:20:48.6] MB: Yeah, melting down. That’s a really concise way of looking at the fact that doing the single task is much more effective.

[0:20:57.8] CW: Yeah. The thing is it's hard, because we like to have little signs that we wanted and needed by the rest of the world. Actually a little ping, a little buzz here and there is quite exciting and people who are listening to this probably have seen lots of evidence on the fact that one of the reasons that we find our smart phones so addictive is because you don't know when the next exciting thing is going to come. That novelty and uncertainty is actually a very powerful seductive combination.

What can we do? We can be way more deliberate about figuring out what's the most important thing that I'm doing today and how do I get myself to single-task on that, knowing that I'll be faster and smarter when I'm doing that?

I think, a lot of people think that they just should leave that to willpower. I think the evidence on personal change is really leaning against willpower, being the right way to do to make big things happen in your life, I think it's about changing the environment around you to make it easier, to make the choices you say you want to make. That means turning off notifications, that means figuring out how to block out ambient noise, if you are in an open plan office, which most of us are.

I'm also very much trying to use tech to try and fight tech as it were. I use stay focused, which is a an extension that blocks my access to well, whatever site I decide. It manages my time on social media. I use my phone settings to make sure that I can switch my phone to monochrome very easily, which makes it so much less exciting to pick up the phone. I use something called Inbox When Ready, which means that I don't get to see my inbox unless I really, really choose to. Tiny little things like this start to make it a lot easier to actually create the focus, the single-tasking time when you need it.

[0:22:52.9] MB: That's really, really interesting. What's the app that you use to switch your phone to monochrome?

[0:22:57.5] CW: It's buried. Whether you've got an Android or an iPhone, it's actually – it exists, the accessibility shortcut’s buried in your phone's DNA. It's obviously deep in the settings. You want to look for accessibility shortcuts. On the iPhone, there is something that you can set your phone to do when you press the home button three times, and you have various different options that you can choose.

One of them is to change the color. One of the color options is to make it monochrome. Why not, right? I mean, that's not to say that you wouldn't want it to be in full color for  a lot of stuff you're doing, but if you just want to stop that grazing behavior and make it just a little bit less delightful to pick up the phone, then it's a little thing, little nudge that pushes you in the right direction.

[0:23:52.2]  MB: We touched on this briefly in the pre-show discussion, but tell me about, you know I think many listeners might be familiar with the idea of nudges, but tell me about a sludge as you described it.

[0:24:03.6] CW: Yeah. Well, nudge is a term that was popularized by the marvelous Cass Sunstein and Richard Thaler in their book Nudge, which laid out the concept of understanding the biases that we have, recognizing that our automatic system always wants to do what's easiest, and recognizing that it's a certain behavior that we want to create in ourselves or in others that making it easy for someone to do that thing is always going to make it more likely that we do it.

If you want to drink more water, pour water within reach and move the soda a little further away and so on. These are nudges, because they don't make you do something. They just make it easier for you to do the right thing.

Quite recently, I mean, I would say in the last few months, I've seen this term sludge be used, which makes me smile. Where it's being used is to describe things that make it harder for you to do the wrong thing. If nudges make it easier for you to do the right thing, then sludges make it harder for you to do the wrong thing.

Sludge of course, can be used in very negative and naughty ways, like if you're trying to unsubscribe from a website, you might be put through multiple steps to make it harder for you to see it through. I mean, that is a nefarious use of sludge. We can use sludges in our own working lives as well. That Inbox When Ready example is a really good example of it. The very fact of just simply having to click an extra button to see my inbox so that I’m not mindlessly grazing my e-mail, it's barely there as an intervention. It's just a tiny thing that makes it a bit harder to look at my inbox when I'm actually trying to batch my e-mail processing.

I love these things, because then it stopped you from checking your e-mail if you really need to, but it just makes it that tiny bit harder to do the thing that you said you don't want to do, and that's sludge.

[0:25:58.5] MB: That's fascinating. I think we had a previous interview a couple weeks ago with Adam Alter, where we went really deep in the phone addiction and how dangerous it is. After that interview, I installed the moment app on my phone, which and it doesn't really do anything other than just track how much screen time you spend every day. Even after conscious awareness has helped me reduce the amount of time I spend on my phone.

[0:26:20.1] CW: That's fantastic. Adam is such a great thinker in this field. I think we're all experimenting with this wildly. We need to right now, because we are in an environment where we're bombarding ourselves with more information than we've ever dealt with before. You've probably heard the term that Clay Shirky popularized a while back, which was filter failure.

His argument was that there are advances information technology throughout human history, and what happens is that after a certain point we see more information, so when books were invented and then when the printing press was invented and so on, each of these advances in technology resulted in a massive increase in the amount of information available to the average person.

Initially, people just felt completely overwhelmed. Then it turns out that it's possible to think about, well how do you filter out the information that you don't need? There's definitely a sense that I'm feeling that finally people are starting to think about the fact that they shouldn't be trying to consume all the information. It just makes us feel miserable and stressed and makes us less able to think clearly. Now to think more intelligently about when is it that I engage with the information stream and how do I make sure that I really do focus my intense engagement at those times, and how do I filter out what I really don't need to see in here?

I think we're all figuring this out, some of us faster than others. It's definitely one of those areas where if I'm talking to clients, or giving a talk about this topic, I am not holier than now. This is something I'm working on myself every single day.

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[0:29:06.4] MB: When we were talking about priorities, or when we were talking about single tasking you  touched on the idea that single tasking on your key priorities is really essential. I want to back up the conversation and come back to that idea, because I think that's really important and I know you've written and talked a lot about how and why we should set priorities.

[0:29:26.1] CW: Well, the currency of our lives, if you like, is attention. It's where do we put our attention? Where do we choose to direct our focus? I mean, what else do we have? You can say it's time. I mean, certainly. There's a question of time, but we all know that we can spend time just gazing into space. The question is where you where do you want to put your attention?

I think that most of us are a little bit mindless about that. We might be in jobs where we are  working very hard and we've got a bunch of stuff that's incoming all the time and a long to-do list. A lot of the time, we're not that proactive in thinking ahead about, okay, well what really matters most here and where do I really want to put my attention?

Actually, the most basic level, there is a question about what you want to notice, because the deliberate system of the brain can only take in a certain amount of information at once, and there are trillions of pieces of data around us any given time. We can't perceive it all. We simply can't, and we don't know what we don't know, but what's happening is that our brain is constantly making choices about what deserves our conscious attention.

The automatic system is filtering out a ton of stuff. That's one of its roles is to lighten the load on the deliberate system of the brain, so that we can get things done and we don't have our brains crash like overloaded computers. The thing is that there's a bit of a rule on how brain decides what's important enough for us to see consciously, and what's not important that should be just filtered out as spam that we're not noticing. It basically goes like this, whatever you have top of mind, will tell your brain that you should see or hear things that are relevant to that, and then everything else is filtered.

We know that in a way, if you buy a new car, you see all the cars on the road that are the same model. I bought some Nike sneakers for the first time a couple of years ago, and I don't know why I never bought a Nike sneakers before, but I hadn't. I was in the Flatiron store in New York despite my accent, that's where I live.

I came out of the store and I was super excited about my new Nike sneakers. They were so comfortable. Then I suddenly noticed that half of New York was wearing Nike sneakers, which I've never seen before and it was probably unlikely that they just bought the sneakers. It was just that I hadn't noticed before, because Nike sneakers weren't top of mind for me.

That's what's going on all the time. If we go into a conversation then and we have something top of mind, we're going to see things that confirm and/or match our state of mind. There was a study that was done where people signed up for a psychology experiment and they were all given a test to take. Half of the people were put in a slightly bad mood by being told randomly that they had they'd failed the test. It wasn't a big deal, but it was enough to take you off just very slightly.

Then everybody was given a neutral description of an individual, and they had to tell the researchers how likeable this person was. Because there were some people who were totally fine, they went and looked at this description of the individual. They thought this person was perfectly likeable.

Then the others who were in a slightly bad mood, because they were in a bad mood perceived this person as less likeable and that's how subtle this effect is, that what is top of mind for us as we go into a situation will determine what we see. If we go into a conversation expecting someone to be a jerk, we will notice everything that confirms we're right. That's what confirmation bias is.

At the very basic level, being more deliberate about what really matters to us as we go into a conversation actually dramatically shapes the way we experience reality. I'm not saying that the person you're going to talk to isn't a bit of a jerk to be clear, but if you go into the conversation and you're focused on your negative expectations, you are likely to see what confirms that. If you go into a conversation and you said, “Okay, this person's a bit of a jerk, but I'm really looking for signs of possible collaboration here.” Magically, you are more likely to see that, because you've told your brain that that's one of the things that's relevant enough for you to see rather than to filter out.

You are entirely capable of missing things that and filtering out things that don't seem relevant or on point. This really matters and it can really shape the way you experience every conversation and every day.

[0:33:51.1] MB: I think it's such a great point and I mean, it’s something that's experimentally been shown many, many different times. I'm sure  people had experiences in their own life, where their perceptions or their filters have shaped what they perceive to be true.

[0:34:06.9] CW: Yeah. Do you know, everybody knows the classic study that kicked off this whole field of research in selective attention, the one that Chris Shibori and Dan Simon's did with the gorilla, where you have eight students playing basketball and the audience is told to watch the passes made between the four players wearing white t-shirts. Then halfway through the game, a woman in a gorilla suit comes on and starts beating her chest and she stands in the middle of the frame and then walks off.

Then when you ask people, did you see anything strange after you’d had some – how many passes were there between the people in white t-shirts? Only half the people will see the gorilla, because that wasn't what was top of mind for them. You see this playing out in so many different studies since then, which often use gorillas as an homage to the original gorilla, to show what it is that we're capable of filtering out.

There's one thing that I do every day, it’s decide what my intentions are at the beginning of the day. What do I really want to focus on? If there's one thing I do before I'm going onstage, or before I'm running a workshop, or before I'm coaching a client. It's to say, “Okay, what do I really want to pay attention to here, knowing that if I don't and if I'm not deliberate about that I might miss stuff that really matters, just because it's not top of mind for me.”

[0:35:25.7] MB: The practical application of this idea is that we should try and use this natural feature of the brain’s hardware to our advantage by priming and thinking about the right things.

[0:35:38.6] CW: Yeah, absolutely. That we've all heard this new-agey term of being intentional. Well, there is actually this hard science that sits behind it, which is to say if you are deliberate about setting your intentions before you go into a conversation, you decide what you want to have top of mind. What's your aim, what attitude do you want to have as you go into this? If you've got negative assumptions, can you check them? There might be a reason why they're not true just today.

You are going to shape where your attention goes and some of you might have notice there's a bit of alliteration there, aim, attitude, assumptions, attention, and that's because it helps me remember before I'm going into something important, that actually I want to check my aim, my attitude, my assumptions, knowing it's going to direct my attention.

If I do nothing else, then I say, “Okay, what do I most want to notice?” I just ask myself the attention question. That really helps if you're going to a meeting, say that you're not really looking forward to, if you're in a bad mood, you're going to see everything that confirms that you're right to think it's a bad meeting. If you check yourself before and say, “Okay, my aim here really is to help this be a good meeting,” then you're going to see opportunities to actually improve the quality of the conversation that you might have missed otherwise.

[0:36:49.4] MB: I want to zoom out a little bit and talk about a related concept that you've shared. Tell me how this weaves in with the idea of being in a defensive mode, versus being in the discovery mode.

[0:37:01.5] CW: Yeah, we talked about the two systems of the brain; deliberate system, automatic system. This is a double-click on the automatic system. We've talked about the fact that the automatic system does a lot of really helpful things for us. One is obviously filtering out things that are irrelevant and helping us make quick decisions when a quick decision is a good thing.

Another thing that the automatic system does is keeps us safe. If it perceives a threat in the environment, it launches a defensive response. Obviously, historically there is threats of often mean physical threats to our safety. The classic example is the saber-toothed tiger bouncing towards you on the savanna.

Brain is constantly scanning automatically for not just physical threats, but also threats to our sense of self-worth and our sense of social standing. It doesn't have to be a physical threat. It can be a threat to our sense of competence, our sense of autonomy, our sense of purpose, our sense of fairness, inclusion, respect, all these more existential things.

If any of those are under threat, the brain does perceive it as a threat and launches a defensive response. That is sometimes known as the fight-or-flight response. In fact, research shows there's also a third response which is to freeze. In doing that, it takes a certain amount of mental energy to launch this defensive response. What you see is that when someone is under pressure in a negative way, if you put them in a brain scanner and you show them even mildly upsetting images, enough to make them feel that there's potentially a bit of a threat to the subconscious level, then what you see is there's less activity in their prefrontal cortex, because the brain is directing mental energy to more basic functions.

The prefrontal cortex as you will probably know is where reasoning, self-control and planning and so forth sit. In other words, what happens is there's less activity in the part of the brain that's sophisticated and thoughtful, which means in even plainer language that when you feel at all threatened or undermined, you become dumber, which is a real shame, because it's often at the moment that you need to step up, and that's why  we might do stupid things when we are under pressure, or feeling that our competence we're out of our depth, or that we are feeling that our toes are being trodden on.

Understanding that that's what happens to us when we're in defensive mode and understanding that actually that's mostly what's causing most bad behavior that you might encounter in anyone else, it's super helpful. I mean, first of all it makes you feel it restores a tiny bit of faith in human nature to know that most bad behavior is because of someone's brain being somewhat on the defensive.

Also, the more that you can tune in to what defensive mode looks in yourself then the more likely you are to be able to get yourself out of defensive mode and to get yourself thinking clearly in difficult situations. I spend a lot of time with people helping them tune into what does this look in me when I'm on the defensive and what does it take – there is a ton of interesting techniques you can use to reduce the defensiveness and then allow you to essentially bring your prefrontal cortex back online, though I don't think a neuroscientist would like that language, I think that's perhaps a nice analogy for us to think about.

[0:40:12.9] MB: Tell me about some of those strategies and tactics for  producing that defensive reaction.

[0:40:18.5] MB: There's some stuff that works super quickly. The research is fascinating on these techniques, because there you can really easily build them into routines. One is distancing. When we put ourselves at some distance from the situation, we essentially tell our brain that the threat is further away. It can come off a lot. You can do that in a simple way of saying, “What will I think about this when I look back in a year's time?”

Or you can get distance not in terms of time, but in putting yourself in someone else's shoes. You can say what would my wisest friend advise me about this, or what would I advise a friend if they were in this situation? What happens, you know how brilliant and amazing and insightful you can be when you're giving other people advice on their problems. that it might be harder for you to take in your own life?

One of the reasons that you are so intelligent and wise when you're giving other people advice, is because you're not threatened at all by their problems, so you can think really clearly. You're borrowing about that wisdom of distance, by simply asking yourself, getting yourself a go-to question to ask in the heat of the moment. For me I do say, “What will I think about this in a year's time?”

The other thing that's really immediate is actually just to label how you're feeling. Decades of therapists have understood the power of this. I think research has caught up with it in a way. We now know that by labeling the emotion that you are experiencing it, doing it crisply, not wallowing, but just saying, “I'm feeling frustrated, because I've sent three e-mails to this person and they haven't replied.”

Just the very fact of labeling and acknowledging seems to, well and now I'm going to use some narrative to describe what we think is happening. Seems to tell our brains that the threat has been acknowledged, we've got a message. Then it dampens the immediate response system, which allows us then to think more clearly.

I think we're still working out exactly what's going on and why this is so effective, but there's no doubt that this has been used in practice for many, many years really, really effectively. Just at the end of the day, if there's something really riled you up, taking a piece of paper – you don't have to take a piece of paper. You take a piece of paper if you want and just writing, “I feel really annoyed, because.” Then, I mean for added dramatic effect, you can screw up the piece of paper and throw it in the trash, if you like. These things really – they have a very quick effect and that's very useful when you're in the heat of the moment.

[0:42:53.0] MB: Any other strategies that are worth digging into that listeners might be able to quickly implement?

[0:42:58.9] CW: Yes. There are lots. What else do I like? I like something called reappraisal, that actually is a little slightly deeper technique, which I will say has long-term effects. It's been shown to have particularly long-lasting effects, I think because it starts to train yourself to think flexibly about alternative explanations of what's going on. That's really what reappraisal is. It says, first of all, what are the facts of what's happened?

Often when we think about something that's really annoyed us or stressing us out, we generalize and I mean, maybe not catastrophize, but we do say they never treat me with respect when actually what's happened is perhaps something very specific. It might be a repeated behavior, but if you can say instead of, “They never treat me with respect,” and say, “I've sent three e-mails and I have not received a reply to any of them.”

That's the thing that you know. You start with the facts, the actual facts that you can say for sure. Even if you start to say they ignored my e-mail and that is actually an interpretation, because that suggests they're conscious of it and they've ignored it. Now, you start with the facts and then you say what would be an alternate – what am I assuming? I'm assuming that they've seen the e-mails and they're willfully ignoring them. What would be an alternative explanation? That’s it. That’s the reappraisal is to say, “What would be the alternative explanation?”

Frankly, the alternative explanation doesn't have to be true. It's just the contemplation of the fact that the person who is annoying you is not necessarily evil. Of course, the moment you start thinking about anything, well maybe there's something about my e-mail addresses that’s being tagged as spam, maybe they're entirely overwhelmed and they're ignoring everybody at the moment, maybe there's something terrible going on in their lives, maybe their mother is really sick, maybe something.

I discovered recently, there was someone who had ignored an e-mail of mine, and something awful had happened with his child. It really helped me in the moment to just consider the possibility that something else had happened. I was very glad when I realized that I hadn't jumped to conclusions about what was going on.

The story isn't always as dramatic as that, but just the fact of entertaining an alternative explanation is helpful, because only 1% of the population is a psychopath. Actually, just thinking about what could be a different explanation tends to reduce our sense of being wronged and therefore, reduces our state of alert, which reduces our defensiveness and then allows us to think more clearly about what the right next step is.

[0:45:40.5] MB: That reminds me a lot of, I don't know if you're familiar with Byron Katie and her  method called The Work, but it's a very similar series of questions that pour it down, negative thoughts and is I guess using the reappraisal strategy.

[0:45:54.8] CW: Yeah and to be clear, I'm not saying that the bad thing isn't the true story. The point is that if you want to take yourself off the defensive considering what other alternatives might be in the mix is a good way of helping you think more clearly. There's a bit of a backlash at the moment about positive thinking and how negative emotions are important.

The truth is yes, of course. The idea is not to just think positively about everything, but it's to understand the way that your brain works, so that you can – you said earlier on, that you can  hack the way that your brain works, so that you can use this knowledge to think more clearly, to have more energy, to feel more motivated. In this particular case, just the flexibility of considering alternative explanations has been shown to dramatically increase our resilience, our emotional resilience to things that are annoying us, and to help us find ways to move on. That is a skill that all of us really benefit from learning.

[0:46:56.3] MB: Another topic that I know you you've talked about, that I want to touch on is being in – I think it underscores a lot of the things we've talked about today about tying them together in some ways is being in a proactive positive place, versus being in a reactive place.

[0:47:12.1] CW: Well, I think that's in a way the meta theme of everything that I do, which is to say you've got more control than you think. I mean, this isn't the secret. We're not saying you can stand in front of a mirror and say everything is awesome and then it will be. We do have more control over what the things that seem to be done to us, or that seem to be random, the most of us realize and we talked quite extensively about selective attention and the fact that the intention is you have top of mind will shape the perception of what seems to happen to you. That's probably the most profound.

The same thing might be said about more practical stuff we've talked about with multitasking and single-tasking. We feel overwhelmed, we've got so much to do, our days are so long. Well, if you could make yourself 30% faster and getting stuff done by single-tasking, I mean that feels like a bit of a superpower, doesn't it?

I think, just understanding that we do have these small tweaks we can make to our everyday lives that can have disproportionate effects and the way that every day feels.  I'm not saying that if something terrible is going on in your life, maybe there's a bereavement, maybe you're in the middle of a war zone, I'm not saying you can wish these things away, but there are tiny things that we can do that can make every day feel better, whether it's using reappraisal to think more clearly in a difficult situation, whether it's single-tasking, whether it's, well, there are any number of other things as you know. There are about a hundred things in my book. The point is we do have these. There’s a little bit more wiggle room than we tend to exploit from day-to-day. Yeah, I'm a big fan of being proactive.

[0:48:46.3] MB: One of the things that I think can often  contribute to overload, or being put in a reactive place, and I know this is true for myself especially is not being able to, or not wanting to say no to people. How can how can we deal with other people's demands on our time?

[0:49:03.1] CW: Yeah, it's a good question. I mean, none of us is in a vacuum. Here we are talking about, yes the importance of setting boundaries and try to work 50 hours, not 80 hours a week. A lot of people were saying, “Well, that would be nice, but that's not the reality that I'm in. How do I set boundaries, and how do I do it without ruining my relationships?”

There are lots of fantastic techniques out there for saying no elegantly, gracefully. There's one that I particularly like, which I call the positive no, which I borrowed from William Ury. The way it works is because of the neuroscience around defensive mode. Normally when we think about saying no to something, we start with sorry. It seems like a reasonable thing to do if you're not a terrible person to – if we say, “I'm sorry, I can't attend the meeting,” or, “I'm sorry, I have to cancel my participation in this out of the other.”

The interesting thing is that when we're tied up with our stress at saying no to something, we often forget first of all to say something appreciative that keeps the other person in what I call the opposite of defensive mode, I call discovery mode. If you start with something first of all that talks about appreciating what it is that they're asking; maybe it's a meeting that you definitely now can't go to and you know that you're supposed to go to, but you just can't make the time because you're really trying to single-task around something enormously important project, for example and you need to get a nice big unbroken chunk of time in order to do that.

You say, “It's great to see where the project has reached and I know this meeting is really critical juncture and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.” You say something appreciative about the requests, the fact that I'm really grateful that you thought to include me. Then you start with what you're saying yes to, not what you're saying no to.

You say, “I've got an exciting project is on my plate that I need to complete by the end of this week. If we get it right, then it's going to be transformational for the way that the company moves forward.” As a result, and here's your no, but only after your yes, then you say, “As a result, I'm having to make some tough choices about where I'm putting my time and that means I'm having to clear some space in my calendar and I'm not going to be able to come to the meeting. I'm so sorry.”

Then you get to say sorry. It’s not that – you're not a nasty person. You get to say sorry, but you start with warmth, then what it is you're saying yes to, and then you say you'll know. Of course, you're going to end with warmth and wish them well. That's also something we tend to forget when we're stressed about saying no. The interesting thing about this is that it reduces the defensiveness in the other person's mind, because you are first of all being respectful in talking about what they're asking and you're just giving them a little bit of surprise and delight and interest in what it is that you're doing instead.

Of course, you're still being apologetic, but what it means is that you're not immediately putting them on the defensive by saying, by starting with the “I'm sorry,” at which point they know that  there's no good news here. Sometimes people say yeah, but don't they know that that's really where this is going?

I say yes, but it's still somehow lands differently because their brain isn't so much on the defensive. You’re not just saying something negative. You know what? I've taught this to people and then I've had – there was one client who did it back to me, and I didn't realize until the end of the e-mail that that’s what he had done.

I spent the whole e-mail thinking, “Oh, it’s great that he's going to go do this thing with his son. Then then he can't come to do this meeting with me.” I was so thrilled about reading about what he was going to do with his son, that I got to the end of the e-mail before I realized, “He's just done the positive no on me.” I felt more expansive and more generous towards him if you'd simply said, “I'm sorry, I can't come to the meeting.”

[0:53:03.4] MB: That's great. I love that. I’ll definitely be implementing that into my life. Just one aside, I know we're hitting the hour, do you have maybe like two or three minutes for a couple quick wrap-up questions?

[0:53:14.7] CW: Yeah, very happy to. Yeah, absolutely.

[0:53:16.5] MB: Perfect. What would one piece of homework be that you would give to our listeners to start implementing some of the ideas that we've talked about today?

[0:53:27.1] CW: Well, I think recognizing that your brain’s liberate system has limitations and a certain amount of attention and it's not infinite amount of attention. Meaning that you can be more deliberate about what you notice and then what you remember. Starting the day by saying, “What are my intentions for today? What really matters today? What do I want to have top of mind?” Perhaps as I go into the most important interaction of the day, what my aim? What is my attitude? What assumptions do I have? Where do I want to put my attention?

Then at the end of the day, to look back and say, “Okay, maybe it was a good day, maybe it was a bad day,” but what are three good things that happened today knowing that the way that our memory works, we tend to remember only a small number of the things that actually happen to us? Directing your attention to the things that you really want to make sure you remember, perhaps even the especially important on a bad day, you often forget a few good things that might have happened.

Yeah, maybe you remembered your umbrella. Okay, maybe that was a tiny thing, but the fact that you maybe were planful enough that you remembered your umbrella. That is not nothing. To remember at the end of the day what went well also hacks something that economists call the peak end effect, which is to say that when you remember the quality of an experience, we tend to average two points; the most intense moment, the peak and the end.

If you end the day by looking back at what went well, you're in effect hacking that mental trick of saying actually what you're going to remember of the day is going to be disproportionately influenced by the way that it ends. You might as well end it by reviewing what was good, and recognizing that where we put our attention becomes how we feel about our lives. I think that that start and end is really a very good place to start if you're keen to think about what does behavioral science tell me about how to improve the way I feel about my life.

[0:55:23.9] MB: Where can listeners find you and your book and your work online?

[0:55:28.8] CW: I am at carolinewebb.co. That is not .com, because it turns out there are a billion Caroline Webbs in the world. I did not get carolinewebb.com. I got carolinewebb.co and you can find a ton of articles there, you can sign up for very occasional newsletter. There are videos, there are wonderful podcast like this one.
You can also take a quiz, which is linked to all the themes in the book and you can download a free chapter of the book. That's probably a place I’d go. I'm also on Twitter and Facebook and all the usual places, and I'm posting little nuggets of science-based advice there each day, so hopefully that gives people a sense where to find me.

[0:56:07.9] MB: Well Caroline, thank you so much for coming on the show and sharing all these wisdom; lots of really practical and actionable insights that are rooted in science. I really appreciate you coming on the show and sharing all this knowledge.

[0:56:19.8] CW: Fantastic. It's been great talking to you, Matt. Thank you.

[0:56:22.4] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you our listeners master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story, or just say hi, shoot me an e-mail. My e-mail is matt@successpodcast.com. That’s M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener e-mail.

I'm going to give you three reasons why you should sign up for our e-mail list today by going to successpodcast.com, signing up right on the homepage. There are some incredible stuff that’s only available to those on the e-mail list, so be sure to sign up, including an exclusive curated weekly e-mail from us called Mindset Monday, which is short, simple, filled with articles, stories, things that we found interesting and fascinating in the world of evidence-based growth in the last week. 

Next, you're going to get an exclusive chance to shape the show, including voting on guests, submitting your own personal questions that we’ll ask guests on air and much more. Lastly, you’re going to get a free guide we created based on listener demand, our most popular guide, which is called how to organize and remember everything. You can get it completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide by signing up and joining the e-mail list today. Again, you can do that at successpodcast.com, sign up right at the homepage, or if you're on the go, just text the word “smarter", S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44-222. 

Remember, the greatest compliment you can give us is a referral to a friend either live or online. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us an awesome review and subscribe on iTunes because that helps boost the algorithm, that helps us move up the iTunes rankings and helps more people discover the Science of Success. 

Don't forget, if you want to get all the incredible information we talked about in the show, links transcripts, everything we discussed and much more, be sure to check out our show notes. You can get those at successpodcast.com. Just hit the show notes button right at the top. 

Thanks again, and we'll see you on the next episode of the Science of Success.


April 19, 2018 /Lace Gilger
Focus & Productivity
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Effortlessly Remember Anything – Lessons From A Grandmaster of Memory with Kevin Horsley

April 12, 2018 by Lace Gilger in Creativity & Memory

In this episode we learn the memory tactics and strategies of an International Grandmaster of Memory, we look at why there is no such thing as a bad memory or a good memory - only bad memory strategies and good memory strategies, in real time we build a memory palace that you can use to memorize and effortlessly recall the ten emotions of power, go deep into the system for organizing and remembering huge chunks of information and much more with our guest Kevin Horsley. 

Kevin Horsley is an International Grandmaster of Memory, and was one of the first five people in the world to obtain this title. Kevin is also the World Record Holder for the matrix memorization of 10,000 digits of Pi. He is also the bestselling author of several books on memory and his work has been featured in Oprah Magazine, Times, Forbes, Inc. and many more.

  • How Kevin went from severe dyslexia, almost being diagnosed with brain damage, to becoming a world record holder in memory

  • Lessons from studying people with superhuman abilities / superhuman memories

  • You can never be more than your definition of yourself, you have to question your labels as they aren’t often the absolute truth

  • There is no such thing as a good memory or a bad memory - there are only good memory strategies or bad memory strategies

  • Auditory memory is always sequential - improving your spacial/visual memory allows you to move seamlessly through information

  • The best way to get your brain engaged is to imagine content and connect it to something you know

  • There are 3 keys to developing a super memory

  • A place

    1. A unique image

    2. Glue them together

    3. “PUG”

    4. Place (long-term memory)

      1. Unique Image

      2. Glue

  • We build a memory palace on your body to memorize the 10 emotions of power from Tony Robbins

  • Illogical images stick in your mind

  • Long-term memory + short-term memory = medium-term memory

  • Journeys are an incredible tool for building memories - routes, journeys, travel

  • Using google maps and tourist attractions to remember anything by exploring and planting memories anywhere on earth

  • There’s no real limit to what you can do with your mind - the only real limit is time

  • “The more you know, the easier it is to know more”

  • We have a phenomenal brain and aren’t using all of its potential

  • Do you need to know something for Just in Time or Just In Case?

  • The power and importance of periodic review to encode information for the long-term

  • Just in case information - using a system of Evernote + Todoist to store and review information

  • Book strategy:

  • Get the book - first do an overview of the book, look at the table of contents, make predictions what is the book about, what do you know about (active knowledge networks), once he’s overviewed the book, he does a preview of the book - what specifically do you want to know from this book?

  • Lay the book contents out on a memory journey with the key principles ideas - what is the key content - put it on a journey

  • Put a little note - you put a specific information

  • These memory methods are really simple but they're not easy

  • You need to work on these ideas and get the key fundamentals - it’s like driving. You have to train yourself and improve and grow.

  • Slow is smooth, smooth is fast.

  • Kevin spends 1 hour a day on new content, 1 hour a day on review. Discipline is a key to this

  • Memory is not just about learning content and stuffing it into your brain - you have to know the content and be able to control it, shape it, and creatively wield it to create the results you want.

  • How do you avoid overcrowded memory places?

  • Just in case information are placed into KEY SPECIFIC PHYSICAL LOCATIONS —> that’s the only place that content will ever reside

    1. Just in time - do specific shorter journeys that can reset and be cleaned more often, allocate to specific days of the week, then they have aw eek to clear out - do places that you go more frequently and visit often because they naturally et cleaned

  • The key to accelerated learning is getting SUPER organized. You have to have places for specific content, you have to store content and take the time to organize and map out your journeys.

  • You cant change your destination overnight, but you can always change your direction.

  • It gets easier and easier.

  • Success is neither magical nor mysterious, a natural consequence of consistently applying basic fundamentals.

  • Glue - make it over the top, energize it, exaggerate it, use your senses, make it as memorable as possible

  • When you forget an image it will encode even better

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Thank you so much for listening!

Please SUBSCRIBE and LEAVE US A REVIEW on iTunes! (Click here for instructions on how to do that).

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This weeks episode is brought to you by our partners at Skillshare!

For a limited time, Skillshare is offering our listeners TWO MONTHS OF UNLIMITED CLASSES for only $0.99! That's UNLIMITED classes for two months for only $0.99. Go to www.skillshare.com/success to redeem this incredible offer NOW!

Skillshare is an online learning platform with over 18,000 classes in design, business, technology, and more. Whether you’re trying to deepen your professional skill-set, start a side hustle, or just explore something new, Skillshare will keep you learning in 2018 and beyond.

Again, Skillshare is offering our listeners the incredible deal of two whole months of UNLIMITED classes for only $0.99 so get out there and start learning at www.skillshare.com/success

SHOW NOTES, LINKS, & RESEARCH

  • [TEDTalk] Instantly recalling understanding: Kevin Horsley at TEDxPretoria

  • [Book] Unlimited Memory: How to Use Advanced Learning Strategies to Learn Faster, Remember More and be More Productive by Kevin Horsley

  • [Article] 10 Emotions to Master for Power, Passion, and Strength by JD Meier

  • [Book] Bold: How to Go Big, Create Wealth and Impact the World by Peter H. Diamandis and Steven Kotler

Episode Transcript


[00:00:06.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:11.9] MB: Welcome to The Science of Success, the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the internet with more than a billion downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries. 

In this episode we learn the memory tactics and strategies of an international grandmaster of memory. We look at why there’s no such thing as a bad memory or a good memory, only bad memory strategies and good memory strategies. In real-time, we build a memory palace that you can use to memorize and effortlessly recall the 10 emotions of power. We go deep into the system for organizing and remembering huge chunks of information and much more with our guest, Kevin Horsley. 

I’m going to give you three reasons why you should join our email list today by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the homepage. There are some amazing stuff that’s only available to our email subscribers, so be sure to sign up and join the email list today. First, you’re going to get an awesome free guide that we created based on listener demand. This is our most popular guide and it’s called How to Organize and Remember Everything, which you can get completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide. You got to sign up to find out by joining the email list today. 

Next, you’re going to get a curated weekly email from us every week called Mindset Monday. Our listeners have been absolutely loving this email. It’s short. It’s simple. It’s filled with articles, videos, stories, things we found interesting or fascinating in the last week. 

Lastly, you’re going to get exclusive content and a chance to shape the show. You can help us vote on guests, you can help us change our intro music and much more. You can even submit your own questions to upcoming guests. You also have access to exclusive giveaways that only people who are on the email list get access to and much, much more. Be sure to sign up and join the email list. There are some incredible stuff, but only subscribers who are on the email list are getting access to this awesome information. 

In our previous episode, we went deep into the high performance habits of the world’s top performers. Looked at the only place confidence truly comes from. Dug into why we struggle to perform under pressure. Examine the habits, routines and strategies of the world’s absolute best and what they use to perform at their peak and much more with our guest returning to the show for a second interview, Dr. Michael Gervais. If you want to master the habits of the world’s top performers, listen to that episode.  

Now for the show. 

[0:02:55.7] MB: Today, we have another exciting guest on the show, Kevin Horsley. Kevin is an international grandmaster of memory and is one of the first five people in the world to obtain that title. He’s also the world record holder for the matrix memorization of 10,000 digits of pi. He’s also the bestselling author or several books on memory and his work has been featured in Oprah Magazine, Time, Forbes, Inc. and much more. 

Kevin, welcome to The Science of Success. 

[0:03:22.6] KH: Hi. Great to be here. Thank you for having me on the show. 

[0:03:24.7] MB: We’re really excited to have you on the show today. To start out, I’d love to hear a little bit about your personal journey and how you kind of got interested in memory. 

[0:03:35.0] KH: When I was 8 years old, the school psychologist said that I may have a form of brain damage and he wanted to send me to a special class because I had dyslexia. So I wasn’t born with a good memory. When I was at school, I had a memory like a sieve and I couldn’t concentrate. I used to get my mother to read the information to me and friends to help with my homework. What I didn’t get, which is most of it, I just didn’t get. In 12 years of school, I never read a book from cover to cover alone. I always needed someone to help me to get through the information, and when I was in matric, I was reading at a top speed of 50 words a minute. That’s a speed, I’m embarrassed to say, of a 5-year-old. 

My final year of school I still couldn’t read much better than when I started school, but to kind of long story short, in 1989 I managed to get through school and one night I was walking around the local bookstore and I found three books, one was a learning to learn, the other on memory and the other on speed reading and at that time I thought I was going to read the speed reading and read the other two quickly, but it didn’t kind of work out that way. I end up battling my way through the memory book. 

For the first time in my life I discovered that I have a brain and I realized that if I kept on doing what I was doing, I wouldn’t be able to change my results. So I started studying psychology, the mind, memory, the brain, accelerated learning and started applying this information to my life and I was studying law at the time and applied it to that. I took myself to a point where I was reading and taking in 4 to 5 books a week. I overcame all my dyslexic issues and I could learn more in an hour than it would take the average person a month to learn. 

In 1995 I decided to, again, take part in the World Memory Championships. Now, that’s where all the best memories in the world get together, and we fight it out in 10 different events and that year I managed to come second in the written word event, which is a proof that I overcame my dyslexic issues, and I came 5th overall and that same year Prince Philip [of Liechtenstein] and the World Brain Trust awarded me of the title International Grandmaster of Memory. 

Ever since then I’ve broken a few world records. I’ve been studying memory and finding people super human abilities and finding out what are they doing differently and copying that and taking that into my life. I’ve also, as you mentioned, written a bestselling book called Unlimited Memory and I’m continually helping people to improve their memory and their life with the memory methods that I’ve been studying over the years. That’s a short story of how I got into it and what I’ve achieved since the school days. 

[0:06:00.0] MB: It’s fascinating to me, we’ve interviewed a number of people who are kind of memory and learning experts and I think almost universally they share kind of a commonality of having some kind of learning disability or learning issue and then completely sort of radically transforming their brains. Why do you think that is? 

[0:06:17.4] KH: I think it’s really just the learning difference and we have a deep desire to really improve. If you think about all personal development, it all begins with a desire. If you can’t do something, you need to fulfill that. Most of us are just studying strategies and ways to overcome problems we’ve had in our childhood and I think that’s really the biggest reason that you have, this deep desire and deep motivation to improve an area of your life that is not working so well. 

[0:06:43.2] MB: I think it’s fascinating and a really important lesson for the people that are listening to this conversation that your current challenges or limitations aren’t necessarily condemning you to a life of a poor memory or dyslexia or whatever. You’re sort of a living proof that you can retrain your brain using things like neuroplasticity and truly transform into somebody who accomplishes superhuman feats and quite literally a world recorder holder.

[0:07:10.8] KH: You can never be more than your definition of yourself. If you consistently hold on to a label, you’re going to have to live according to that label, and we have to question these labels, because a lot of them aren’t always the absolutely truth. The more we question them and find strategies, then we can end up changing our results. 

[0:07:28.8] MB: So I know you’ve talked in the past about the idea that there’s no such thing as sort of having a good memory or a bad memory. Could you tell me what that means and why you said that?

[0:07:40.0] KH: If you think about it through the thousands of hours of schooling and university, not one hour spent on how to improve your memory or your concentration, and everywhere that I’ve been around the world, that doesn’t happen. No one really teaches you anything about your amazing brain. So no one is telling you a strategy. It’s like we just see while you can think, you can remember. So that must be it. That’s your default system. You cannot improve it. 

There are many different strategies that you can use to improve it. So I don’t really like to call them memory techniques or pneumonics. I prefer to just think about it as a memory strategy and you either have a good memory strategy or you have a bad memory strategy. For example, people that are good at remembering names, they do something different to people that are bad at remembering names. So it’s really — Looking at what are the strategies or grand memory masters, copying them and taking them into your life and you can get the same results, and that’s what I mean by that.  

[0:08:33.0] MB: Tell me a little bit about when you say a good memory strategy. What do those look like and how do they differ from the strategies or maybe lack of strategies of people who think that they have a bad memory? 

[0:08:44.6] KH: If you think about it through school, we’ve just really been taught right memorization, using your auditory memory to repeat information over and over. Now if you’re using your auditory memory, you are often about 7 bits of information you’re going to start getting confused. With auditory memory, it’s always sequential. So if you have to memorize something, it’s like a song, like A, B, C, D, E, F, G that you keep on going and you can’t just jump in and out of information. 

The key strategy of developing and improving your memory is to improve your visual memory, to use your imagination to hold on to content, because our eyes and ears don’t do the remembering. Your subconscious mind doesn’t pick everything up. Only when your mind gets engaged, and the best way to do that is by using your imagination. When you can imagine content and see it clearly in your mind and connect it something that you already know, then you will be able to remember it more clearly and you’d be able to use and recall that information effectively. 

[0:09:47.6] MB: I think there’s two kind of fundamental components to that and you touched on both of them, which is the whole piece of the pie of kind of imagining content creating sort of visual markers or whatever term you used to describe them, and then the other pieces, how do you plug that information into existing kind of thought networks and the existing structure of your memories. I’d love to dig in to both of those. 

To start with, maybe tell me a little bit more, for someone who’s not as familiar with memory techniques, when you say imagining content, what exactly does that mean?

[0:10:20.7] KH: Well let me just give you a strategy. There’s only really three keys to developing a super memory. You need a place. You need a unique image and you need to glue those two together. So you can remember the word pug, a little dog pug. You got place, unique image and glue. 

Let me give an example. Let’s learn Tony Robbins’s 10 emotions of power. SO what we’re going to do, the first emotion is love. If you think about love, what do you think of? 

[0:10:47.1] MB: I think about my wife. 

[0:10:48.9] KH: You think about your wife. You could imagine your wife maybe standing on your feet or stomping on your feet or you could imagine a big red heart on your feet, so that could represent love. The next emotion is gratitude. So for gratitude it sounds a little bit like graters. I can imagine a cheese grater busy grating your knees. You have a place, you’re putting it in your knees. You have a unique image and you’re gluing them together with a bit of action. 

The third one is curiosity. On your thighs, you could imagine a cat on your thighs because curiosity killed the cat. You could imagine a cat digging into your thighs and you can really see it, feel it and use all of your senses to connect to that specific place. On your belt, the next emotion is excitement. You can make your own image there. You can get your belt getting all excited. 

What was on the feet? What was the first one?  

[0:11:38.3] MB: My wife. 

[0:11:39.9] KH: Which would represent?

[0:11:41.3] MB: Love.

[0:11:42.8] KH: Okay. Then on the knees?

[0:11:43.8] MB: The cheese grater? 

[0:11:45.4] KH: Cheese greater, which represents?

[0:11:46.8] MB: Gratitude. 

[0:11:48.4] KH: Okay. Then on the thighs. 

[0:11:50.2] MB: A cat. 

[0:11:51.7] KH: Which is? 

[0:11:52.7] MB: Curiosity. 

[0:11:54.4] KH: Okay. Then on the belt? 

[0:11:56.4] MB: I forget what the image was, but excitement. 

[0:11:58.8] KH: Excitement, because the belt was getting excited, so you got it there. Then on the stomach you could imagine maybe the terminator trying to get through your stomach, and I can go quite quickly now because now you have a terminator getting through your stomach because that’s determination. You could imagine that you’re trying to get a six pack with determination. 

In your left hand you could imagine someone doing the slips, because that’s the emotion for flexibility. To see that image, see a unique image, make it whacky, make it outrageous because illogical images are going to stick in your mind. Then in your other hand you could imagine a super confident person for confidence. 

So let me just go through we had at the bottom. So we had love, we had gratitude, curiosity, excitement, determination, flexibility and confidence. On your math you could imagine you’ve got a big smile and that is for cheerfulness. Cheerfulness, a big smile. On your eyes and on your forehead you could imagine putting vitamins in there, because that’s for vitality and energy. On the top of the head, you could imagine that you’re giving away a present or giving away money, because that’s contribution. You can use whatever image is in your mind for contribution. Put it on the top of your head. 

So I’ll go through it one more time. So you got love, gratitude, curiosity, excitement, determination, flexibility, confidence, cheerfulness, vitality and contribution. Do you want to try and go for it? See if you got them in memory? 

[0:13:22.9] MB: Yeah, I think I have them all memorized. 

[0:13:24.5] KH: Okay. Let’s go for it. Let see how it goes. 

[0:13:27.4] MB: All right. You want me to go — Now, this is the cool thing about these memory techniques. I could go backwards or forwards or I could go in the middle. 

[0:13:33.2] KH: Excellent. Let’s go backwards. 

[0:13:35.4] MB: Okay. Top of my head, I envision like a present or something, like a gift. That’s contribution. Then I have like vitamins sort of put into my forehead. That’s vitality or energy. Then big smile in my mouth, that’s cheerfulness. Then in my right hand, I envision like — This is kind of a weird image, but like a conman basically. It’s confidence. Then in my left hand I’ve got a woman, like a ballerina doing the splits, and that’s flexibility. Then I see the terminator like busting out of my stomach, and that’s determination. Then I see my belt as like an excited snake maybe, and so that’s excitement. Then a cat on my thighs, and so that’s curiosity. Then a cheese grater my knee, like grating my knee and painful, but that’s gratitude. Then on my feet is my wife. That’s all 10 of them, which is love. 

[0:14:24.8] KH: Excellent. You have them all, because why did it work so well? You had a place. So you used your body. You had a unique image and you used your own unique experience for the images for each of them, because the more you can make it personal, the more it’s going to stick and you glue them together. By giving it action, feeling maybe the pain in your knees when the grater is busy grating your knees, but some people say, “Oh! But this is silly.” 

In the beginning you make it illogical with a bit of review and thinking about the content, then it becomes logical, and then you can just hold on to it and you could use it in your day-to-day life and now every single morning you could wake up and say, “What I love in my life? What am I grateful for?” Now you can use it, because in your memory. You have an internal experience of the information and you’re not just observing the information.

[0:15:09.1] MB: Yeah, that’s great. I think that’s really practical, because anybody listening can go through that same experience and simultaneously not only learn those kind of 10 emotions of power, but also see how useful and interesting some of these memory techniques are. It’s something I’ve been sort of personally working on a lot, so I’ve been trying to kind of boost my creativity and my ability to do that. 

I also want to get into, and this is more of a technical sort of specific question, but what happens when your sort of memory palaces get crowded and things like that? But before we get into that, I want to talk about the second point you made, which I think is really important, which is the idea or the necessary kind of component of connecting it to something that you already know.  

[0:15:47.5] KH: Yeah. The formula that I use is long term memory plus short term memory equals medium term memory. You can use anything that’s already in your long term memory. For example, we just used the body because you know it really well. You’re in it every day. You can use anything. You could use your car and you can use that as a framework, or like you could imagine it as being the paper in your mind. Like the body was the paper. The imagery was like the pen and you’re just writing the imagery on that paper in your mind. 

You could use anything that’s really in your long term memory, but all the memory masters are using more than anything else is journeys, because we have a great memory for journeys. You remember what your house looks like, and if you don’t, then I can’t help you with that memory problem. We remember journeys. We remember how we got to work. We remember the routes that we take. 

While you’re listening to this podcast, if you’re in your car and you really listen to it later, you are going to remember where you traveled while you’re listening. It’s a natural thing that happens. Using journeys to be able to help you remember, and we have so many journeys in our mind that we could use to be able to connect information to it. That’s what I mean. You’re taking something, a place that’s in your long term memory, unique image to hold on to that short term memory. By reviewing, gluing it together becomes a medium term memory, and then by reviewing it, you got to be able to keep it for a longer time. 

[0:17:07.6] MB: It’s a such a good example. It’s really funny, because as someone who obviously host a podcast, and I listen to a lot of podcast and audiobooks, I’ll sometimes be like driving by somewhere or think or a specific time and be like, “Oh! That reminds me of this passage in this audiobook that I was listening to at the time. 

So I think anybody who’s listening to the show probably has had similar experience. It just shows you from an evolutionary standpoint, the brain was really designed for visual and spatial memory primarily to be the most important from a survival standpoint. So when you key your memory strategies around visual and spatial memory, you’re suddenly accessing a much richer and deeper toolkit than kind of just auditory memories. 

[0:17:48.8] KH: Absolutely, and you need a place to be able to go and find that information again and we’ve all had this experience. You go to specific places, that memory just floods back. So what you’re doing is that you’re consciously using your memory in that way to remember key information that you need for your business and for your life. 

[0:18:04.7] MB: So I’ve heard you in the past and I love the example of using journeys. I’ve heard you in the past talk about Google Maps and how you kind of integrate that into being a tool for storing and encoding memories. Can you tell me a little bit more about that? 

[0:18:18.9] KH: The strategy I get a place, unique image and glue it. You can go to Google Maps. So what I do, I enjoy running. I look at my running routes on Google Maps and I can get all the details with specific stations. What I mean by station is like what we did in the body, the feet would be a station, the knees would be a station and the thighs would be a station. Now you can go into Google Maps and have a look at places that you can put information. Then you have say 100 bits of information, you can turn into a unique image and put it on the Google Map, because you will be able to remember it. 

Now you don’t always even have to be at that place or know that place well. You can just go to familiar tourists sites. You can go to the Statue of Liberty, Buckingham Palace or wherever you have maybe wanted to go, and you can walk through it using street view on Google Maps to be able to connect that information. It creates a wonderful place, because it’s really unlimited. You can go and use your entire town or entire city. You can go and use all the different tourist attractions around the world to remember key content. As long as you connect the unique image and glue them together, you can remember massive amounts of information with it. 

[0:19:30.4] MB: Is it possible that our brains can get full or sort of jumbled and there’s so much information in there that it’s hard to remember or recall or anything? 

[0:19:39.1] KH: I don’t think it could get full, but it can get overwhelmed if you’re using the strategy. If you are using an auditory strategy to try to hold on to content, you only got to be able to hold on to about 7 bits of information. When you are using a method like this, using the journeys or using your house or your body in there, all you’re actually doing is remembering one thing at a time. It’s a place, it’s the image, glue them together, move on. 

I don’t believe you can fill up. So there’s no real limit to what you can do with your mind. The only limit is really time. Do you have time to learn all the content that we have out there? But I don’t think there’s any limits. 

[0:20:18.2] MB: I’ve heard you say before, the more you know, the easier it is to know more. Can you tell me what that means? 

[0:20:26.3] KH: For example, if you have experience in a certain field and you and I both go to a seminar. Let’s say you are an engineer and we go to an engineering seminar and I’m not an engineer. I could use all my memory methods, my memory power, but you’re probably going to come away with more from that seminar because you have experience that you can connect information to, and that’s what I mean by the more you know, the easier to get to know more. 

Let’s say for example, even if you just know all 45 presidents of the United States of America, if you have that content when you read more about them, that information will just naturally slide into that framework. Does that make sense? 

[0:21:02.3] MB: Yeah, that absolutely makes sense. I think it’s a really important point, which is that the way the brain sort of works from a physical standpoint, is you have all these networks and nodes connected to each other and the more networks that you have and can kind of activate, the more knowledge and experience you have, you can kind of naturally hang these ideas on that lattice work of existing knowledge and plug them in really easily. 

[0:21:25.4] KH: Yup, and some researchers say 86 billion brain cells and each brain cell is capable of making 30,000 to 40,000 different connections. So what that really means is that if you read and memorized a book a day and live to be 10 million years old, you’ll probably still never be able to fill your brain up. I mean we have a phenomenal brain. We know a lot about it, but we don’t really understand what’s really happening yet, but hopefully we’ll get there soon. 

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[0:23:00.0] MB: I want to come back to something you talked about a moment ago, which is review and the importance of review as kind of a tool of encoding memories for the longer term. Tell me about that. 

[0:23:10.1] KH: The first thing is you got to — When you’re learning something is first ask yourself, “Is this something that I need to learn for just in time or for just in case? If it’s for just in time, like for example if I have a presentation tomorrow and is content that I don’t need to keep on reusing, then I’ll just use a memory journey and I’ll hold on to it for a day. But if it’s stuff that I need to know for just in case, for example, I do a lot of business consulting stuff, business frameworks, thinking tools and different business models, now I’m going to have that information on a place, on a journey like what we did with the 10 emotions of power and then I’m going to review it over longer and longer periods of time. The minimum effect it does would be really that you need to review after one hour of learning new information, because your brain will start to let go of information that you don’t really need. 

Then say you need to review it after a day or after — So it’s one hour one day, then after about a week, but for some people they need to go and review it after three days. It just depends on how memorable and how unique that content is. Then if you’ve done about the end of the week, then you can spread it out of a longer and longer periods of time, then one month, then two months. Then it will slowly begin to move into your long term memory. 

The way that I do it to keep on reviewing is that I put the key information that I need for just in case. I put it into Evernote and I add reminders through the app called to-do-list and I get reminded. So every few days just to go and review this content to keep it alive, because with the methods, you store an information in an illogical way, so you need to get to a place where it’s logical, where it just becomes second nature. So you need to keep on reviewing to renew the information. 

[0:24:54.2] MB: I really want to dig into the concrete specifics of this, because I’m a huge Evernote user as well and use it to organize pretty much my entire life and my thoughts and ideas, books summaries,  etc. Tell me about — I have a number of questions about this, but tell me a little bit more about sort of how you use Evernote to, let’s say, remember something from a book. I love to even start with sort of the whole lifecycle. Let’s say you read a book, then what do you do in terms of creating a summary. How do you sort of create it in Evernote and then what is the process and how frequently do you review it? 

[0:25:27.6] KH: Okay. What I like to do is read over Kindle. I’m using Kindle on my iPhone, and I’d take all of the underlines that I’ve used and I’ll put that into Evernote. Let’s just say, for example, we could use the example, you have these 10 emotions or power or you’ve got any key information. You would put that into Evernote as well. You’ll tag it. So tag it with 10 emotions of power, Tony Robbins. You’ll have tags that will help you to remember exactly what that content is. You can find everything within a few seconds just on Evernote. Then putting it in a specific folder for books that you’re reading as well. 

You’d put all that content that you want to remember that you’ve put on journeys, because what I do when I’m reading is — So I’ll get a new book. I’d always have a journey in my mind first so that I can hold on to the key content and then I’d go and put that key content into Evernote. Does that make sense?  

[0:26:20.3] MB: It does, and I want to get even more specific on this. Mostly, or just my own use, I’m kind of in the process of revamping a little bit the way that I review and store information and part of that is because I’ve been embarking on kind of a personal journey of using visual markers and memory palaces and stuff more frequently. But let’s even start before you — Let’s say you have a new book. What is your process for before you even read that book? How are you thinking about creating a memory journey or a memory palace? Before you do it, how many ideas are you going to place into that memory palace? What are you going to do kind of as you’re reading it and how frequently are you going to be filling that up, etc.? I’m really, really curious about the very specific details of this process. 

[0:27:00.8] KH: Okay. It also depends on book to book, but the overall strategy would be this; I’d get the book. I would first do an overview and I’ll just overview the book, see what it looks like, have a look at the table of content. I’ll continually make predictions. What I think this all about? What I really know about it, because the more you know, the easier to get to know more. Once I’ve overviewed the book, then I do a preview of the book. I got to find out and see what is it that I would like to specifically know from this book. 

If you’d think about — Remember when people used to read newspapers? You’d first overview the newspaper and then you’re going to preview what are those specific articles that you need to read, that are important to your life, that are relevant to your life that you really need to improve your business or any area. Then you would take that content and you decide, “Okay. Those are the ones that I’m going to read. These are the ones that I need to remember.” Then you do an in-view. This is where you’d go and get that content, put it on specific journeys that you’ve allocated for that book. You can either go and even remember the table of content if that’s going to help you to develop the framework. 

Normally it’s just the whole lot of lists, 7 habits of highly effective people. You’ve got the 13 keys or the 13 keys of trust or the 17 keys of customer service or whatever you need, and then you put that on to a journey and you go and review by putting it into Evernote and then creating a review system for the information to continue to come back to you. 

Every book is different and every book has a specific purpose, but the overall strategy would be overview, preview, in-view, what is the key content that I need, and then I’ll go and review by putting it on to journeys so that I can remember that content and then I’m putting it into Evernote. 

[0:28:42.6] MB: So when you create the note in Evernote, is that just sort of a list of, let’s say, the 10 emotions of power, or is that like a more of a description of what your memory journey looks like? 

[0:28:53.4] KH: It will just be the content, because if I’m reviewing one hour or one day, one week, I will know where I’ve put that content. Sometimes I can also just put a little note and say, “I’ll use this running route or I’ll use this specific place on Google Maps just an extra reminder.” Normally, the content will just remind me to go to this specific place that I need.

[0:29:17.3] MB: If you’d be willing to kind of go into details, I think the example of the 10 emotions of power was a really concrete way for people to think about how to encode information using visual markers or these kind of unique images on their body as a specific place, but I’d love to hear maybe a specific memory palace or memory journey of yours so that listeners can have a really sort of explicit understanding of how you think about those memories. Let’s say you start on a journey, where is that journey and how are you kind of encountering the markers throughout that? 

[0:29:47.9] KH: Okay. Let’s say specifically I’m reading the book Bald, and in Bald they talk about 6 key things that are going to really — Six key trends for the next century. The first trend is networks and sensors. I would create a journey, let’s just use my house and we’d say the kitchen would be networks and sensors. In my mind, I would put networks and sensors in the front of the kitchen. The second area, I’m going to go through all six, just to give an example. Then we’d go into my lounge, and in the lounge we have — Is infinite computing. The front door of my lounge, I would have lots and lots of computers maybe jumping into the room or something, making it unique, making it illogical. Then say the third place would maybe be my office, and in the office we would have artificial intelligence and there I can imagine this big plastic brain to remind me of artificial intelligence. 

Now I have three rooms for each of these keys. So anything that I read about networks and sensors, I’m going to store that all in the kitchen. If there’s four, five keys that I need to know there, then I’ll put that content in the kitchen. Then if I have anything with infinite computing, there might be four, five key things that I want to use to be able to instantly recall my understanding of the content. I can place a content there and the same with the office with the artificial intelligence. Is that clear enough?  

[0:31:13.1] MB: Yeah, I think that’s great. Again, I mean I think you and I are both — I mean, you are obviously much more fluid than I am, but I understand these principles, but I want to make sure that like somebody listening can digest this. To a listeners that’s sort of thinking what is he talking about putting infinite computing into his lounge? What does that mean? 

I think it sounds kind of goofy or ridiculous, but the example earlier with the 10 emotions of power I think is really pertinent in the sense that from sort of a neurological standpoint, when you create these vivid and unique images, your mind, your hippocampus specifically which is sort of a piece of your brain that helps encode memories and trigger things that are worth remembering or not, specifically says, “Oh! This is something really vivid, interesting and unique,” and so it remembers it. 

When you create these ridiculous images, like a cheese grater on your knee. I know that stands for gratitude, and it’s much easier to use the natural language of your brain, which is visual and spatial thinking to encode these memories. However kind of goofy or ridiculous the visual markers, a.k.a. unique images that you create are, that is what makes it so that your brain kind of says, “Ooh! This is important information and it makes it sticky. It makes it easier to remember.” 

I just want to reiterate that, because I think it’s really important for somebody listening that maybe isn’t as familiar with some of these memory strategies to realize that it sounds kinds of goofy and weird, but if you actually try it out, and I think if you just actually did the exercise we did with the 10 emotions of power, you’d be surprised in a week from now, you could probably remember all 10 of the just like that. 

I was doing an exercise the other day where I was memorizing 20 random words and I could still remember probably 80% of them just because I can remember the sort of unique and ridiculous visual images that I created to remember them.

[0:32:54.8] KH: These methods are really simple, but they’re not easy. The method is really simple, a place, unique image, glue, but you have to practice it. You have to work with it. The first day you jumped into your car, you didn’t start driving. You needed to work with it. You needed to get those key fundamentals. Learn to become more creative, play with it. Don’t be one of those people that say, “This doesn’t work for me.” I don’t think this way. I don’t think this way naturally either. I’ve trained my mind to think this way, because it works and you can store an unlimited amount of information with this method. In the beginning it may be wacky, it maybe illogical, but with a bit of review, it will become logical and you’ll be able to instantly recall your understanding too. 

[0:33:39.2] MB: You’re a testament to this. Literally, someone with severe dyslexia to a world champion memory expert, kind of living proof that it’s not the kind of thing that if you try these tactics once and you say, “Oh! It didn’t really work for me.” It’s something you have to train and improve. 

[0:33:54.9] KH: Yeah. You have to keep on training, keep on working with it. Some of medical specialist students now can learn a whole book in three days just by — Because they’ve trained themselves. They had put the work in. If you don’t put the work in, it’s going to be slow at first. So you have to slow to smooth, smooth to fast, slow to smooth, smooth to fast. 

It’s going to be a process. It is a skill. It’s something that you have to learn. But you can’t just do it once and then all of a sudden think, “Oh! This didn’t work for me.” Keep on working with it. Let’s say if you have some students and they have an exam, don’t go and try and remember all your content today with it. Maybe just try it with 10% and then the next week you’d try and add a little bit more and you just keep on building up until you get to a point where you become a master with this content. 

[0:34:38.8] MB: How much time — This is another thing that I’m really curious about personally. How much time do you spend either daily or weekly on the consumption of new information versus the review of existing information? Because I feel like especially as someone who is consuming such vast amounts of information as you are, how do you have the time to go back and review all of it? 

[0:34:59.3] KH: I make the time. I do an hour every single day where I am just training my memory and I’m also doing things like remembering cards and numbers. It’s like being exercise bike. There’s no real — It doesn’t really get you anywhere, but it helps to train your memory. It helps you to become more creative with content. I also spend an hour a day reading a new book. I try to get through as much book, as many books as I can and sometimes I can do up to three, four hours I try to get through a book a day or to hold the key content from the book every single day. I’m scheduling time in my diary. I think that’s the problem, is that most people try to manage time and not control time. When you control time, that you make a discipline. Every day I go to the gym I spend an hour, every day I would run, every day I would do my memory training. Discipline is also a key with all of these. That’s a whole other topic on its own. 

[0:35:52.5] MB: I’m also curious, as I mentioned earlier, I’m a huge Evernote user myself and I know you’re a very avid user of Evernote as well. How do you think about the balance between a tool like Evernote that kind of externalizes your memory and your information versus storing it in your own memory? 

[0:36:11.0] KH: One of the things that I do is that I outsource all those things that are not a priority, that I have reminders for things like take out the trash, or reminders for all these things that are not key to my life. Evernote and to do list and Dropbox and all of that, that’s great for that. I use my memory methods to remember key information that I absolutely need to have an internal experience with like a specific business framework or something that I’m using for coaching, for writing or speaking and I use my memory for that specific content. Evernote, I outsource all of the things that I don’t really need to hold in my mind. I keep all my review lists in there as well so that I can constantly keep that information alive overtime. 

[0:36:57.8] MB: For somebody who is listening who thinks between something like I can basically Google anything and I can store the rest of the information I need in Evernote or bookmarks or wherever, why do I need my memory at all? What would you say to them?

[0:37:11.7] KH: Imagine I took your memory out of your brain, who would you be? You’d be nothing. In fact, everything you are today is because of your amazing memory. The more memories that you have properly stored in your brain, the more unique combination and connections you can make. But if you don’t have anything in your brain, you can’t make those unique combinations and connections. Yes, we can look up content, but you’re not bossing your general knowledge. Now if you’re thinking about reading, if you’re reading something like the cat sat on the mat, but you don’t know what a cat and you don’t know what a mat is, you are not going to be really reading that information. You’re not going to be really taking that information. So that is the danger about observing information compared to having this internal experience that you can only do with your memory, because memory is not about just learning content or remembering content. It’s about boosting your creativity with content that’s already in your mind. 

[0:38:05.0] MB: I think that’s such a key thing to remember or understand, is that it’s not just about sort of filling your mind with facts and figures and random information, but once you have that information in your working memory, these subconscious can start to recombine and process and you can have these novel and creative insights. Without having all that information downloaded into your brain, you’re robbing yourself of the ability to see connections where they may not be and create kind of novel and new insights. 

[0:38:33.9] KH: If you don’t know content, you’ve got no control over that content and if you have no control over that content, you get bad results. If you get bad results, you’re not going to like what you do. If you don’t like what you do, you’re not going to really get to know more and you don’t want to keep on going. That’s why it’s so important to know content, because when you have it, it’s absolute control. 

I mean would you hire someone for the ability to Google information? You wouldn’t. You want people with experience. You wouldn’t allow someone to operate on you if they had to continually look at a video to see how it’s all done. You want people with information on their fingertips and that they have absolute control of that content. 

[0:39:11.7] MB: So do you find that — And I know we’ve touched on this already, but it’s something that I still kind of at least sort of a limiting belief or fear that I have about these memory strategies. Do you find that your memory palaces get too cluttered or crowded or sort of stuff full of ideas, and how do you deal with that? 

[0:39:31.5] KH: I have two keys. I have information I need to learn for just in time and I have information I need to learn for just in case. My just in case journeys would be a specific location. For example, if I’m learning the 17 key customer service principles from the book The Kindness Revolution, then I would go and store that at a specific business and I’ll leave that content there and that is the only that that content will be. I won’t override that or put any other content there. So I can always have that as the location for that specific content. 

For information that I want to remember for in just time, so like just for a presentation I maybe need to tomorrow and then I need to do a different one a few days later, then I put the content on a journey and 72 hours later I can reuse that journey again. You just let that information go. The journey will naturally clear out and then you can keep on reviewing that content. 

The secret would be to go and find journeys that you need for just in time and then have specific journeys for just in case. If it’s key content that you need for your business, for your life or for your studies, go and put it at a specific shopping mall and leave it there, keep on reviewing it and that will only be the place where you can find that content. 

[0:40:46.4] MB: How would you distinguish, and maybe you wouldn’t distinguish, but I’m curious between a memory a palace and a memory journey. 

[0:40:52.5] KH: I think it’s really just words. They’re really same thing. The memory palace, I think it became popular from the TV show Mentalist, the guy kept on saying about memory palaces. Memory palace would be any house, journey, any place that’s in your long term memory that you could use to store content. Some people [inaudible 0:41:12.2] specific palaces, but you don’t need to do that. It’s just using journeys, using house. If you think about how much place and how many places you have in your mind right now, you’ve got your house, you’ve got friend’s houses, you have shopping malls, you have university schools, holiday resorts. I mean there’s just so much place in your mind that you can use to store content. 

[0:41:33.2] MB: Even sort of virtual locations, and I know, obviously we talked about earlier about how you use Google Maps as one of these kind of tactics, but as somebody who plays video games, and I’m sure many of our listeners play video games as well. These virtual maps and worlds from video games, I could still vividly remember the tiniest details of a lot of these places. Even if you ever were to run out of physical spaces, which is almost impossible, you can start to kind of get into these virtual spaces as well. 

[0:41:58.9] KH: You can use anything that’s in your long term memory. You could anything that is a place for you and you could store the content there. I personally don’t like to use the virtual video games and that because it’s not as real as using a Google Map or actually being on that physical locations. 

First price is always to have the physical location. Next, you could use a Google Map. If you play a lot of video games, you can also maybe use that if it works for you. The secret is if it works, keep it, if it doesn’t work, then just let it go and try something else. 

[0:42:33.3] MB: That’s sort of 72 hour memory journey that you use or the one that resets in 72 hours, for the kind of just in time information. I guess, how is that distinguished from a place? Like let’s say we stored a bunch of memories in a shopping mall that we wanted to always have be in that specific location, or we stored them at the Taj Mahal or whatever, what are these sort of shorter just in time memory journeys? Are they in your house? Are they walking down the street? How do they differ from these really permanent places? 

[0:43:01.5] KH: It depends. For example, with my presentations, I always open up my presentation remembering a 60 digit number in 20 seconds. I need a journey for that and tomorrow I’m going to need a journey again. I have set out that Monday would be this specific journey and I actually give it a week for the journey to clear out. But these are journeys are different places. It would be best friend’s houses. It would be specific malls that I like a lot, and then each day I would have a different journey, a different place of a different palace that I can use. 

[0:43:34.1] MB: Basically, places that you go more frequently where the memories are kind of being washed over regularly. These are the ones you use for sort of shorter memory palaces. 

[0:43:42.0] KH: That I use for shorter ones, then I decide and allocated them specific days. Monday would always be this friend of mine’s house, then Tuesday would be that place, that shopping mall, Wednesday would be that. So that I could just keep on going through and it will just naturally clear out. 

The key to accelerate learning is getting super organized. It’s getting organized with your journeys, creating places. It’s bit of hard work in the beginning, but you’re creating a super system that you can hold on to an unlimited amount of content. 

[0:44:08.6] MB: Tell me a little bit more about the importance of organization to becoming sort of a super learner. 

[0:44:14.2] KH: Getting journeys in your mind, getting houses in your mind. Making lists, making maps, maybe putting them into Evernote or into a storage system that you prefer. Going like let’s say around my office. So the first place maybe the cupboard, then the printer, then the stapler, then the watch, then the computer. I’d write that in and get to know those journeys really well so that I don’t have to ever think about the journey, because it has to become like paper, that when you’re busy writing on paper, you don’t think about the paper. You’re thinking about the content that you want to put on that paper. 

You would go and organize journeys, put them into Evernote and have places for specific content that you would want to learn. If you’re reading a book, you find a book and if a specific book happens to be Awaken the Giant Within You, think, “What place does Awaken the Giant Within remind me of?” Then I’d think about a theme park where I saw this giant and now I’ve got a journey that I could use with that. In that, you’re organizing content but you’re also giving yourself flexibility to be able to learn any information that you want to learn. 

[0:45:18.1] MB: That makes a lot of sense, and it’s really helpful. I know we’ve been kind of getting into a lot of the specifics and kind of really concrete questions about this stuff, but I think it’s really important as somebody who’s trying to implement a lot of these  strategies in my whole life, these are the questions I have. I think for listeners who are interested in developing a super memory or leveraging some of the tactics of the world’s memory champions, this has been a great exploration of a lot of those kind of key learnings and challenges. 

[0:45:44.0] KH: It does take a bit of work. As I said, it’s simple, but it’s not easy, but just break it down slowly. Make small changes overtime and you will be able to get it. You can’t change your destination overnight, but you can always change your direction. Just decide I’m just going to go and learn the news tonight and watch the news and get keywords and have that in your memory. Go and learn the street names. Go and learn a shopping list. Have a bit of fun with the information. Play with it until you get to a place where you can learn any information. You really can. In the beginning it’s hard, but as you work with it, it’s going to get easier and easier every single day. 

[0:46:21.7] MB: I think that’s another great point. I’ve heard you say this before as well, but there’s no such thing as kind of a quick fix or a magic strategy. It’s really just putting in the hard work. The tactics are simple, but they’re not easy. 

[0:46:34.7] KH: As Jim Rohn said, “Success is neither magical nor mysterious. It’s the natural consequence of consistently applying basic fundamentals.” The fundamentals are really easy. All the memory masters are going to tell you the same. Place, unique image, glue, or long term memory plus short term memory equals medium long memory. You keep on working with that, you are going to get results and take your memory to a new level.

[0:46:58.1] MB: I love that quote. It really succinctly kind of captures — One of my core beliefs and ethos is about just life and success in general. For somebody who’s been listening to this conversation and wants to kind of take the first step and implement some of these memory strategies into their lives, what would be kind of an action item or a piece of homework that you would give them to get started? 

[0:47:19.4] KH: Really start small. Go and find specific books on memory. I have a book on memory as well. You can go and learn more about it, but a smaller action will be just create a journey, think about maybe your house or think about a running route or maybe a shopping mall, and just let someone to write down 10 words and let them call them out and try to use a unique image. You might get all 10, you might get 5 out of 10, but more that you practice with it, the easy and easy it’s going to get. 

So just every single day, just try and crate journeys, try and play with this body list, maybe putting information in your car and keep on looking for a place, unique image and glue and just play with it first and then you can start to get a bit more advanced, get bigger journeys, start to learn more content using it for learning, for studies, for personal development or any area of your life that you want to improve. 

[0:48:11.8] MB: I actually had one other point that I’d love to just clarify and get a little bit better understanding of, is I think I have a really good understanding of place and unique image. When you say glue, is that just making it sort of so vivid or ridiculous or kind of over the top that the brain remembers it or is there something else there that I haven’t sort of fully described? 

[0:48:31.9] KH: The glue would be making of the top. So using your sensors, using your sight, your sound, touch, feel, everything, exaggerating the information and adjusting the information and giving it action. You can see that greater. You can feel that greater. You can see the cat. You can touch the cat. It’s maybe a big hair, furry cat and you can see that. The more that you do that, the more it’s going to glue the content to the place. 

[0:48:57.3] MB: Perfect. Kevin, for listeners who want to find out more about you and your work, where can they find you? Where they can find your books, etc. online? 

[0:49:06.5] KH: The book is available on Amazon.com. So it’s Unlimited Memory and my website is supermemory.co.za, or in the U.S. that’s co.za. Supermemory.co.za.

[0:49:21.5] MB: Kevin, thank you so much for coming on the show, sharing all these wisdom. I love how kind of practical and tactical we got. I think for listeners who actually went through the exercise of placing those 10 markers on their bodies, I think you’d be surprised how effectively you’ll be able to remember that marker days or weeks later without any sort of work. If you actually review it, you can really, really encode it into your memory and have a great grasp of the 10 emotions of power. 

Kevin, thank you so much for coming on the show and sharing all these wisdom.

[0:49:48.0] KH: Thank you very much for having me on this show. Thank you. 

[0:49:51.1] MB: Thank you so much for listening to The Science of Success. We created this show to help you, our listeners, master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story or just say hi, shoot me an email. My email is matt@successpodcast.com. That’s matt@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every   single listeners email. 

I’m going to give you three reasons why you should sign up for our email list today by going to successpodcast.com, signing up right on the homepage. There’s some incredible stuff that’s only available to those on the email list, so be sure to sign up, including an exclusive curated weekly email from us called Mindset Monday, which is short, simple, filled with articles, stories, things that we found interesting and fascinating in the world of evidence-based growth in the last week. 

Next, you’re going to get an exclusive chance to shape the show, including voting on guests, submitting your own personal questions that we’ll ask guests on air and much more. Lastly, you’re going to get a free guide we created based on listener demand, our most popular guide which is called how to organize and remember everything. You can get it completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide by signing up and joining the email list today. Again, you can do that at successpodcast.com, sign up right at the homepage, or if you’re on the go, just text the word “smarter” to the number 44222. 

Remember, the greatest compliment you can give us is a referral to a friend, either live or online. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us an awesome review and subscribe on iTunes because that helps boost the algorithm, that helps us move up the iTunes rankings. It helps move people discover The Science of Success. 

Don’t forget, if you want to get all the incredible information we talked about in the show; links, transcripts, everything we discussed and much more, be sure to check out our show notes. You can get those at successpodcast.com, just hit the show notes button right at the top. 

Thanks again and we’ll see you on the next episode of The Science of Success. 

Oh! You’re still here? You’re still listening to the show? That’s exciting, because there’s something special I want to share with you. Today, you’re going to get a little behind the scenes peek at what are conversations look like after we wrap an interview. This one was particularly fascinating and demonstrates the power of the memory techniques that Kevin shared in the episode, but you’ll also get to see our producer, Austin, will be joining us and it will be a nice little conversation. We decided to throw this in as something for listeners who stay and listen to the end of the episode. 

So without further ado, here is our secret end conversation with Kevin Horsley.

[0:52:36.3] MB: All right, cool. That’s a wrap.

[0:52:38.3] KH: Awesome. Thank you. 

[0:52:40.3] AF: Well done guys. That was great. I hear I missed some incredible content. I’ll have to go back and listen to that here in a second. 

[0:52:45.8] MB: Yeah, Austin, you missed like the key piece of the whole conversation, which is Kevin taught me the 10 emotions of power using visual markers. So now I have them all memorized. 

[0:52:58.3] AF: Oh man! Can you read them off right now?

[0:53:00.9] MB: Yeah, so I’ll tell you the markers too, but you kind of had to go through the exercise to get the full thing. We won’t waste Kevin’s time, but I’ll tell them to you. 

[0:53:08.6] KH: It’s fine. I’m want to test you as well. 

[0:53:10.8] MB: Okay perfect. 

[0:53:12.0] AF: Let’s do it. 

[0:53:12.9] MB: Giant present on top of my head, and that’s contribution, and then there’s vitamins being like dumped into my forehead, that’s vitality or energy. I’ve got a big smile on my face, like an oversized smile, almost like a fake plastic smile, and that is — Oh my gosh! What is that one? I can see the image, but I lost — 

[0:53:33.8] KH: Cheerfulness. 

[0:53:34.6] MB: Cheerfulness! That’s right. Cheerfulness. Yeah, that happens to me sometimes. I remember the image, but I can’t remember what I encoded to it. 

[0:53:40.1] KH: I just want to stop you with that. When that happens, you’ll only really make the mistake once. When you do that, it will encode — It will become even stronger, probably stronger than all the rest, because you made a mistake. You fixed it and it will be there forever. 

[0:53:54.4] AF: That’s awesome. Yeah, that’s cool. All right.

[0:53:56.2] MB: All right. So anyway, on my right hand I have like a little miniature con artist, and that’s confidence, and on my left hand I have a tiny ballerina doing the splits, and that’s flexibility. Then I see the terminator like busting out of my stomach, and that’s determination. Then there’s like an excited snake, belt, that’s excitement. On my thigh is like a cat, it stands for curiosity. Then there’s a cheese grater like grating my knee, and that stands for gratitude, and then there is like my wife, like a miniature version of my wife standing on my feet, and that’s stands for love. That was backwards [inaudible 0:54:29.2].

[0:54:30.9] AF: Well done man. 

[0:54:32.4] MB: That’s backwards. I could do it the other way too. 

[0:54:35.0] AF: That’s incredible. Yeah, I love — Kevin, doing the research on you, I love the 20 numbers — Or not 20. How many numbers was it in 20 seconds? 

[0:54:44.3] KH: There were two, but the one that I did on that one TV show is 27 digits in 4 seconds, and then the other one — 

[0:54:50.7] AF: I saw the one on TED. 

[0:54:52.3] KH: On TED. That was 60 digits in — 54 digits in 20 seconds forwards and backwards. 

[0:54:59.8] AF: Incredible. When I was watching that the whole time, I was like fingers crossed. I was like, “Come on, man! Come on!” No. This is great. Matt, well done. That was backwards even? So obviously, learned that there. 


April 12, 2018 /Lace Gilger
Creativity & Memory
Michael Gervais(2)-01 (1).png

Your Ultimate Guide to Performing Under Pressure and Unleashing Confidence - Dr. Michael Gervais is BACK

April 05, 2018 by Lace Gilger in Best Of, High Performance, Emotional Intelligence

In this episode we go deep into the high performance habits of the worlds top performers, look at the only place confidence truly comes from, dig into why we struggle to perform when the pressure is on, examine the habits, routines, and strategies the world’s absolute best use to perform at their peak, and much more with our guest Dr. Michael Gervais. 

Dr. Michael Gervais is a high performance psychologist who has worked with some of the world’s top performers including the Seattle Seahawks, Felix Baumgartner (The Red Bull Athlete Who Completed the Stratosphere Jump) Olympians, musicians, and champions! His work has been featured on ESPN, CNN, The New York Times, and much more!

  • We love to put some of the world’s top performers on a pedestal - but there are extraordinary things that take place every day that aren’t capture on the cameras

  • Are extraordinary performers born that way? No.

  • Why do we struggle to perform “when the lights are on”/ “when there is pressure”

  • Top performers have fundamentally organized their lives around growth and improvement

  • What does it mean to have your life organized around performance and growth?

  • There are only 3 things we can train

  • We can train our body

    1. We can train our craft

    2. We can train our minds

  • The origins of sport are built on the ancient traditions of war

  • When we look at the best in the world across domains - they are more similar to each other than dissimilar

  • Relentless dedication to building and refining their craft

    1. Relentless dedication to building the right body / carriage

    2. Ability to adapt and be strong from a mental perspective

  • Provide opportunities to stress the system (mind & body) and to recover the system

  • Feedback loops are both internal and external

  • The importance of having consequences - both natural/physical consequences and man made consequences

  • Lessons from working with coach Pete Carroll from the Seattle Seahawks

  • Ask yourself: Who in your life helps you be better and what are the characteristics of those people?

  • The most significant accelerant to someone’s success is knowing that you have their back

  • Internal feedback loops

  • How am I doing? How does it feel? Am I executing at the right level?

    1. What is going on in my body?

    2. Being aware of the energy, tension in your body, your thoughts, etc

  • Once you become aware of maladaptive mental strategies - then you develop the tools to adjust

  • First awareness,

    1. Then skill

  • External feedback loops - having people in your life who can help you get better

  • At any given time we can have our attention focused internally or externally - but we can’t spend too much time focused on the internal

  • In training - the external feedback loops and human feedback becomes tricky - and that’s why Dr. Gervais has a deep commitment to maintaining and building healthy relationships

  • To do extraordinary things in life - NOBODY does it alone. We need other people. You have to invest in the true connection with other people.

  • The greatest wayfinders, when they set sail, they don’t pray for calm waters, they pray for rugged seas, moving through the rugged seas is what forges strength - that is where you get made, that is where you find your true nature

  • The brain’s job is to scan the world and see what’s dangerous - but you can’t let the brain have too much control

  • Your brain is underserved, underutilized, under-programmed

  • If you don’t train the software of your brain - the brain’s natural reaction will win.

  • You have to condition your mind so that your brain doesn’t win. So that your natural fight or flight reaction doesn’t take over.

  • YOLO.. FOMO… now FOPO - Fear of Other People’s Opinion - one of the most silent traps that robs us and keeps us stuck

  • What should we do if we get caught up in the internal dialogue too often? What should we do if we get stuck in our head too often?

  • Start training your mind, just like you would train your body. Start training in simple, calm environments, and then push yourself into more and more stressful environments

  • Optimism is at the core of mental toughness. Optimism is a skill, you’re not born with it, you have to TRAIN it.

  • Just like everything - genetics are involved, environment is involved, training is involved.

  • This is about conditioning your mind to be extraordinary on the razors edge

  • 5 Functions Under Stress

  • Fight

    1. Flight

    2. Freeze

    3. Submission

    4. Flow

  • In western culture, our self worth is tied to our achievements and results. The idea that we need to do more to be more is broken. It’s wrong.

  • The notion that you need to do more to be more is exhausting - it’s time to flip the model.

  • We need to BE MORE to DO MORE, let our DOING flow form our BEING

  • Present

    1. Rounded

    2. Authentic

  • Our value in inherent and not contingent on what we do. The intellectual idea is not enough, we have to ACT ON IT.

  • The acquisition of knowledge is not enough, you have to APPLY to knowledge.

  • When you have a deep trust that you can do difficult things, and you don’t need the doing to define you, you have incredible freedom.

  • The most powerful people in the world are those that have nothing to lose.

  • Those that have NOTHING TO PROVE are incredibly powerful.

  • I know how to be me, express me in any environment, and I'm not intimidated by what you think.

  • Love deeply and know yourself and love others.

  • When you don’t need to defend and protect yourself, when you can BE yourself, there is an incredible freedom in that.

  • There are no tricks, there no tips - just the hard work.

  • Can you be yourself in highly stressful, rugged, hostile, razor’s edge environments.

  • When you get exposed for what you’re not good at, that’s when the GOOD FEEDBACK LOOPS OPEN UP - and you need to get into those environments more often.

  • What are the environments and conditions where you struggle?

  • Training confidence is extremely mechanical. Confidence only comes from one place - it’s not past success, its not preparation - confidence ONLY COMES FROM what you SAY TO YOURSELF.

  • Write down what your internal dialogue sounds like - write those thoughts down, self doubt, self criticism, excessive worry - those thoughts don’t open up space, they constrict you.

  • Write down what it sounds like to be in your head when you’re on point - when it’s good to be you, what do you say to yourself?

  • Externalizing your thoughts is a key step in building confidence.

  • Practice good thoughts, and put yourself in environments to test them.

  • “If you’re gonna throw darts, know where the bullseye is” - the bullseye in this case is what thoughts work for you

  • Thoughts lead to thought patterns, thought patterns lead to habits of mind. We want to build positive habits of mind.

  • Feelings only happen if you reverse engineering them through thinking and thinking patterns.

  • Insights from Felix Baumgartern’s Stratosphere Jump

  • Thoughts lead to emotions, and emotions + thoughts impact performance

  • It’s sloppy to show up and just think you will be OK, show up in presence

  • Training the mind is not EXTRA - it’s something we need to invest in on a regular basis. If you train your craft to a ridiculous level, but you don’t train your mind, as soon as pressure enters the environment, you will will be exposed

  • To have a strong mind, you have to TRAIN YOUR MIND FOR STRENGTH

  • Mindfulness is intimately linked to confidence

  • Mindfulness is a focus training to focus on the awareness - that awareness training is the beginning step of being aware of our thoughts and thought patterns. If we can become aware and more sensitive to our thoughts and thought patterns, we can course correct and built a more optimal internal state.

  • “Choking” - where does that term come form? What does it mean to choke?

  • Performing under pressure is good, but it’s not dissolving pressure - that’s a different thing.

  • If you think there’s pressure you’re right.

  • Is it possible to change your relationship with yourself and your environment in such a way that pressure is dissolved. You have to do the hard work to figure out your unique psychological framework from your parents, peers, pop culture, and more.

  • Do you think buddha had pressure? No he dissolved it. What about Jesus? The purpose was so much larger, and their internal framework was so sturdy that they dissolved pressure. Flow state / the zone is essentially the dissolving of pressure. Using the challenge of the environment to create a deep focus.

  • Focus on the task at hand, not focus on the clunkiness

  • We dig into the daily architecture of a world class performer and what that looks like

  • “You would be surprised by how much we focus on recovery” within the framework of a world class performer’s daily architecture

  • Day in and day out is an internal competition with yourself

  • Mindfulness/meditation is a “massive accelerate” to mastering your internal domain

  • Homework - take a good hard look at your sleep patterns

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SHOW NOTES, LINKS, & RESEARCH

  • [SoS Episode] The Psychology Secrets of Extreme Athletes, NFL Teams & The World’s Top Performers with Dr. Michael Gervais

  • [SoS Episode] Everything You Know About Sleep Is Wrong with Dr. Matthew Walker

  • [Article] Good genes are nice, but joy is better by Liz Mineo

  • [Wiki Article] Martin Seligman

  • [TEDTalk] The new era of positive psychology by Martin Seligman

  • [SoS Episode] Embracing Discomfort

  • [SoS Episode] How To Demolish What’s Holding You Back & Leave Your Comfort Zone with Andy Molinsky

  • [Book] Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry into Values by Robert M Pirsig

  • [Website] Finding Mastery

  • [Website] Compete to Create

  • [Twitter] Michael Gervais

Episode Transcript


[00:00:06.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:11.8] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success, the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the internet with more than a billion downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries. 

In this episode, we go deep into the high performance habits of the world’s top performers, look at the only place confidence truly comes from, dig into why we struggle to perform when the pressure is on, examine closely the habits, routines and strategies of the world’s absolute best, and what they use to perform at their peak and much more with our guest, Dr. Michael Gervais, who’s making a comeback appearance on the show. This is his second time around. We love the first interview so much that we’re having him back. 

I’m going to give you three quick reasons why you should sign up and join our email list today by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the homepage. There are some amazing stuff that’s only available to our email subscribers, so be sure, check that out, sign up and join the email list if you have not done it. 

First, you’re going to get an awesome free guide that we created based on listeners demand. This is our most popular guide, it’s called How to Organize and Remember Everything. You can get it absolutely for free along with another surprise bonus guide when you sign up and join the email list today. You’re also going to get a curated weekly email from us every Monday called Mindset Monday, which listeners have been loving. It’s short, simple, articles, stories and videos that we found fascinating or interesting in the last week. 

Lastly, you're going to get an exclusive chance to shape the show. You can help us vote on guests. You can submit your own questions to our guests, help us change the intro music, become part of exclusive things that we only offered our community, including giveaways and much more, but you won't know about any of that stuff unless you're on the email list. So be sure to sign up, join email us today. Again, you can do that at successpodcast.com and sign up right there on the homepage, or if you’re driving around, if you're on your phone, if you're on the go right now, just text the words “smarter”. That's “smarter" to the number 44222. That's “smarter" to 44222. 

In our previous episode we discussed the relationship between bad ideas and creative genius; the three biggest lessons from setting the most successful hedge fund on earth; why a complete stranger may often be a better judge of your abilities than you are; the key things that stand in the way of developing more self-awareness and how you can fix them; why it's so important to invest in the ability to make better decisions and much more with our guest, Dr. Adam Grant. If you want to become a better version of yourself, be more creative, have more ideas and be more innovative, be sure to listen to that episode.

Now for the show. 

[0:03:05.5] MB: Today, we have another exciting guest coming back to the show, Dr. Michael Gervais. Michael is a high-performance psychologist who has worked with some of the world’s top performers, and including the Seattle Seahawks, Felix Baumgartner, the Red Bull athlete who completed the stratosphere jump, Olympians, musicians and champions. His work is been featured on ESPN, CNN, The New York Times, and much more. Michael, welcome back to the Science of Success. 

[0:03:31.6] MG: All right. Thanks for having me back. This was a great conversation the first time around. So, thank you. 

[0:03:37.7] MB: We really enjoyed the conversation last time and there's so many more nuggets of insight that we want to dig into. I mean, you obviously have spent a tremendous amount of time working with some of the world’s top performers, athletes, musicians, etc., and really kind of seen what it takes to perform at the highest levels. I'd love to, in this episode, kind of unpack and get into some of the concrete elements of kind of how do you work on those mindset trainings for somebody who's at the top of their game? What does that look like? How do they structure their day and how does that process kind of function? 

[0:04:11.8] MG: I love it. So one of the, I think, fundamental — I don't want to call it a mistake, but there's a nuance here that I want to talk about, which is we love to put the great doers of the world on a pedestal, and some of the most extraordinary people are people in sport, in science and people that have done amazing things. It's not that they — What they've done is not amazing, but there's media around it. So we pay attention to it. 

There are extraordinary things that take place all the time, but there're no cameras. We don’t know how to value that creativity, that dedicated disciplined mind, because we don't see it. So what I want to pull a thread back on is there are extraordinary people right now listening in your community that do extraordinary things and they know it and they’re nodding their head, like, “Yeah, right on.” They just don’t have a camera pointed at them.

That begs the question is; are the extraordinary doers that have cameras on them, are they born that way? No. We know. What is it about? Okay, yes. They are able to perform when the lights are on, and many of us struggle with that. Okay. So that is one piece of it, is that sometimes the non-conditioned mind finds it very difficult to be fluid and to be eloquent when there's “pressure”, and we have to define pressure for ourselves so we can get into that conversation. 

So it's not that these extraordinary doers that have media coverage are fundamentally different than the rest of us, but they have done something that is fundamentally different. They’ve organized their life, fundamentally organized their life to grow, to get better, to be progressive, to push to the boundaries, to have incredible feedback loops that are highly accurate and very sensitive and finely tuned, and those feedback loops are part of the accelerated arc or accelerated growth that they're looking for. 

So while it's easy to put extraordinary doers on a pedestal, and I don’t want to take anything away from what they've done, because you see some of the best in the world, the tip of the arrow in any domain and it’s like, “Wow! That is beautiful,” like look how easy they make the complicated seen, and it is beautiful, whether it's words, or whether it’s painting in canvas, or whether it's movement motion. It is beautiful when you see the best in the best. But when we pull back the curtain and really look what’s extraordinary, is the way that they fundamentally organize their life to get better and to help those around them get better. 

[0:06:49.8] MB: There're several different things I want to unpack from that. So just to make sure we don't forget these, I definitely want to dig into pressure and how to perform under pressure. I really want to talk about how we can build feedback loops into our lives. But before we do either of those, tell me more about this idea of having their day or their lives sort of fundamentally organized around performance and growth. 

[0:07:11.4] MG: Okay. Well, if we take a look first at what is very primary, like the basic, basic, basics of people getting better, there're only three things that we can train as we’ve talked about before. We can train our body, we can train our craft and we can train our mind. For a long time, people have invested incredible resources, good science as well as old school traditions on how to develop a craft, whether that craft be ballet or whether that craft be something about leadership. There’s a good science and some practices. On the leadership stuff, it goes all the way back Sun Tzu, The Art of War. I don’t know how many translations there’s been, but those principles seem to be interesting to lots of leaders and all of modern day research that comes up about leadership. 

The same with sport, like the origin of sport are built on ancient traditions of war. So those traditions have been passed down and past passed down and passed down and mutated and adapted for modern sport. So they're great traditions and there's good science. The emerging field of sport science is we’re starting to get our arms around what are the right questions and what is the right — Or what are the right data to be able to have better insights that are actionable for athletes to be even more finely tuned to both their intuition, their sense of how their body is doing based without data as well as how their body is doing with data. 

Okay. So then the third pillar though, the mind, and how to condition and train the mind. It’s a big deal, and I haven't met an athlete or a coach yet you on the world stage that doesn't say, “Oh, yeah. The mental part of the game, that’s a game. That is a big deal.” It begs the question; what are the ancient traditions and what is the science teaching us about how to condition our mind? 

So when we look at the best in the world and when we look at them across domains, the tip of the arrow across domains are more similar to each other than dissimilar. That being said, there is no just one path and not everybody does it a certain way. There are as many different routes to becoming one's best or the best that you can imagine. So there is a common thread though that people are uncommonly relentlessly dedicated in almost a nauseatingly focused way to build and refine their craft, to build and have the right body for the right carriage, if you will, to be strong and flexible to do things that they need to do. Then, also, saying ability to adapt and be strong from a mental standpoint. 

So those are the three lenses, and what they do is they organize their life to be able to provide opportunities to stress the system and recover the system. When I say system, I’m talking about the human mind and body, and it’s not that mechanical. It's not that simple, but every day we need to push on the limits of our craft, push on the limits of our body and push on the limits of our mind, and then appropriately recover. How do we know if we are pushing to the limits? We need those feedback loops, and those feedback loops are both internal and external. 

So what an external feedback loop is like information from the environment, which in, let’s say, actions sports or X-Games types of stuff or things that are happening outdoors. Less the stick and ball sports for just a moment, but more of the action-adventure sports. 

When people make mistakes there, there are consequences. I don’t want to be dramatic. There can be radical consequences, but they don’t have to be. But those consequences are often physical and they’re real and that sort of toll on the body can be very dangerous. So those feedback loops are wonderful. When you get real-time natural feedbacks, when there are consequences on the line, that feedback is awesome, because you have to be on. You have to have your antenna perked in just the right attunement. If not, those consequences can — They can get you. 

Then there's also more man-made or artificial consequences. Those man-made artificial consequences oftentimes show up in business, they show up on tradition stick and ball sport, where it's a little bit of like you look back to other humans to see how you're doing. That can be an accelerant, that could be a good thing and that could can be troublesome if that is — If looking for others for feedback becomes part of a loop that is not — What’s the right word here? Is not primary and pure, meaning that it can get cloudy and noisy when we’re looking to other people to see how you we’re doing. Unless we know those people in our lives, have our best interest at heart. 

We asked the last two years, we’ve spent — Coach Carroll is the head coach of the Seattle Seahawks. He and I built a joint venture together and we took our insights on how to switch on a culture and how to train the minds of people that want to be great. The work, essentially, we’ve been doing it up at the Seattle Seahawks together and we’ve built this business. Over the last 24 months we’ve trained 30,000 people, on average, eight hours a person. That's 240,000 human hours of mindset training across our efforts here, and we’re just getting started, but it’s a really good dent. I shouldn’t say it’s a dent. It’s a really good momentum is more of what it feels like. 

The point that I want to share about that is that when we ask folks about who in your life helps you be better and what are those characteristics of those people? It's basically an exercise to help people say, “What are those characteristics, and am I living that way? Am I helping people based on the characteristics [inaudible 0:12:59.3] be better?” 

Across the board, it’s like unanimously it’s outrageous. People say, “You know what? The most significant accelerants for me being better, those people in my life, are those that I just know that they have my back, that they have my best interest, not their best interest.” 

When we stitch that back to the feedback loop, the feedback loop from humans is really important when we know first and foremost that it is really about them providing us the right information in the right way at the right time to help us grow, to help the person grow. It doesn’t mean that they’re interested in the benefits, the ancillary benefits if you do extraordinarily well, and that’s kind of the coaching role in many ways, is you want to help athletes or executives be great. When I say coaching, I’m not talking about life coaching. I’m talking about performance coaching. When you want to help them be great, that there is a glow that you get and that helps your career as well. 

It is sticky in some circumstances because we are relying on each other to do great, but we have to first and foremost have the relationships where it’s pure, and the information I’m going to give you is for you to be your best. Anyways, I could talk more deeply if you’d like about feedback loops, but those are some of the large 60,000-foot frames that I think that are important to get right. 

[0:14:27.5] MB: I want drill down into feedback loops, but I don’t want to lose sight on the larger conversation, so I do want to come back to that. But talking specifically about kind of developing feedback loops in our lives, I think when I look at something like sport, or even something like poker, or chess where there's really clear sort of results and measurement and the ability to go back and analyze performance really succinctly, it's obvious kind of how to get feedback. But when I look at something like business or investing or even some creative endeavors, how do you think about developing feedback loops and those more kind of murky, nebulous fields? 

[0:15:04.2] MG: Okay. The main levers of feedback are internal, so that's like, “How am I doing?” What does it feel like? Am I aligned with my thoughts, my words and my actions? Is my body executing at the level or in the right way? 

When we’re talking about poker and those types of things, it is an alignment that you can sense. Is there clarity in my thought? Does my body have too much tension? Not enough tension? Am I under-aroused, over-aroused? There is an internal feedback loop, and that is a skill to become aware of that. 

The second part of that skill is to be able to once you’re aware that maybe — Let's say that you're a bit too much, or you’ve got too much energy in your body, or you're thinking about what happens if you blow it, or what the consequences will be if you’ll lose this hand or lose this round. That once you're aware of maladaptive physical or mental strategies, then the second part, the second skill is to have the tools, the mental skills and tools to be able to adjust. So it's a two-part system of being great as an internal feedback loop. First, awareness, then skill. 

Now, external is when you've got people in your life that are helping you get better. That's part of external, and the other part of external is being able to recognize the impact that you're having on the environment and/or that the environment is having on you. At any given point in time that we can have attention focused internally or externally, and if we spend too much time on the internal awareness, we lose the ability to focus on the external, which is really where sport and performance take place. It happens outside. All of the thinking and the regulation that happens inside is to ready us to be able to have output, and that output, what we’re looking for is high performing, eloquently adjusting, real-time, sensitive, extraordinary impact on our environment. That’s what the output is. Whether it's a paintbrush, whether it’s the analysis of a poker table, or whether it's snapping a free-throw, game seven of the finals in the NBA, whatever it might be. 

So there is an internal game that happens first, and then there's an external game. What we want to be able to do is have this rapid cycle between internal and external, and that is essentially the feedback loops that we’re talking about. 

Now, when we’re in training, those external feedback loops, the human part is the part that gets tricky, because human relationships are tricky. They’re not simple, and that's why we start — When I saw we, I’m talking about Coach Carroll and I, more particularly, maybe at the Seattle Seahawks, there's a deep commitment to want to be a relationship-based culture where we start with the relationships, because it's with the relationships with other people that makes us. Now we have to have a relationship with ourselves first to be a great partner for other people. So it's relationship with self first, then relationship with others, getting those things calibrated properly, getting the mission set up so that we can nod our head and point our noses in the right direction, in the same direction, and then work ridiculously hard running to the edge of our capacity on craft, body and mind every day. When guys are tripping and falling down or not doing exactly right or literally dropping a ball sometimes, it's okay. I got their back, because I know that I’m going to trust that they’re going to have my back as well. 

So to do extraordinary things in life, whether that's being an extraordinary lover or being an extraordinary entrepreneur, nobody does it alone. We need other people. So what that means is we’ve got to invests in the true connection to lock our arms, because to do extraordinary things, we need other people. That means we got to stay locked as best as we can when it gets hard, and the greatest way finders — I'm not sure if you're familiar with way finder. The people that travel the world without modern technology and travel the oceans without modern technology. When they set sail — And they might not come back, because the ocean is dangerous. When they set sail, they don't pray for calm waters, they pray for rugged sees, because it's the rugged see, it’s moving through the rugged see that becomes the separator. Most people can’t manage the tension. They can't manage the hostility or ruggedness, because they have not conditioned their mind to find that that is where we get exposed, that is where we get made. That is where we find out our true nature, in those rugged and hostile environments. 

For most people, if they haven’t conditioned their mind, their brain wins. So the brain's job is to scan the world and find what’s dangerous. I don’t want to oversimplify this really beautiful piece of electricity, chemistry tissue that we have really no idea what this three pounds of tissue is doing in our skull, and it's beautiful. It’s amazing and it’s underserved, underutilized, under-programed and that hardware, our brain tissue is programmed by our mind. The mind is the software, the hardware if you will, and those that haven’t been training the software, the mind, and brain will win, because its whole job is to keep you alive. The mind’s job is to override to know how to override our DNA when we find ourselves purely responding in survival mode as opposed to optimized mode. Our survival tactics that are natural to our brain will help us stay alive, and they are optimized for survival. 

When you're giving a speech in front of — I don’t know. Fill in the blank. Two people to 20,000 people, it’s not survival mode at that time. It’s meant to be a moment to express authentically, and if we don't condition our mind — This is not me on a pedestal. If we don’t condition our mind, our brain will win. I know you felt that, Matt. I know that your community folks feel it, that we have those moments and we’ve studied our ass off, we prepared for it and all of a sudden we tighten up and we've got cortisol running through our system. We’ve got too much adrenaline. We've got that stuff inside of us. We start to sweat in weird places. We start to think differently. We start to have this rapid eye movement. We’re scanning the world and seeing if we’re doing okay. Bullshit on that. That’s where we get into trouble, is when we look into the world and to the eyes of other people to see their body language to see if we’re okay, that's wrong. That's not having an accurate internal filter. That's having an external focus filter to see if you're okay based on what other people think of you. 

I know you've heard of YOLO, you only live once. That’s great. You’ve heard of FOMO, fear of missing out. That's cool. But I think there’s a new thing that — I don’t know. I haven’t heard it before. Maybe this is like where it happens, FOPO, fear of other people’s opinion. It’s one of, I think, the most silent traps that robs us, that t keeps us stuff from expressing and exploring our own potential, fear of other people’s opinions. 

Especially in our modern times, we’ve got this ancient brain that’s trying to keep us alive. In modern times, we just haven't quite figured out how to say, “I’m okay. I'm likely not be hunted today and there's not a predator that’s 15-feet tall that's trying to — Whatever, and there’s not a warring country that's coming into my tribe today.” This is a speech. This is a bet I’m laying on the poker table. This is a free-throw shot. This is — Well, fill in the blanks. 

I got to get off my pedestal for a minute. I got to tell you, Matt. I love these conversations, so when you asked me to come back I was like, “Yeah! I love it.” 

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[0:24:00.6] MB: No. That’s great. I mean, there're so many things I want to dig into from what you said. I mean, let's start with when — By the way, I think it's such a really important point that the brain, the hardware of the brain was not designed to exist in modern society. It was designed to exist tens of thousands of years ago. The reactions we have to an email from your boss might be the same reaction we had to a dangerous threat out in the bush, and it's not the appropriate reaction in many cases. 

Funnily enough, the very first episode we ever did on the show was called the Biological Limits of the Human Mind, and that's what we talked about. So I love that principal. But I want to ground that back into what should we do when we get caught up in that internal dialogue, in that internal game when we’re too much in our heads. How does that look like to kind of both prepare for that and also in that moment kind of pull out of that? 

[0:24:56.7] MG: Okay. It’s just like everything else. It's just like physical training, and it's just like technical training, is that you want to start in a thoughtful progressive way. So early days, you start training your mind in calm environments and then you say, “Well, what does that mean? What are we training?” 

You can train confidence. You can train calm. You can train focus. You can train optimism, which is I think at the center of mental toughness. You can train passion, believe it or not, by understanding what gets in the way of passion. You can train passion as well by having a clear mission that really get your heart the thump. You train lots of mental skills, including imagery and resiliency skills. You can train all those in quiet, calm environments, and that sometimes is involved in knowledge acquisition, like what are the mechanics of competence? What is a definition of optimism? Why is it important? What’s the science around it? There’s knowledge acquisition first with just about anything. Then there’s the practicing of it. You practice those in progressively aggressive environments. So you start again with a calm environment, practicing optimism in a calm environment, and then practicing it in a more stressful environment until maybe you’re practicing it in hostile and rugged environments where consequences are real. 

I mean, we could get into the weeds of optimism if you want. Many people hear that word and they’re like, “Oh, okay! It just got soft.” “Oh! We’re going to talk about everything’s good and positive.” No, that’s not what it is. It’s not what it is at all. Optimism and pessimism are essentially the way that you think about the future and it's a skill. You’re not born with it. You don't come out of the womb optimistic or pessimistic. 

There is some evidence that there is some genetic dispositions where people come out of the womb with a little bit more of an anxious, pessimistic state, and some come out with a bit more optimistic, calm state. That being said, it’s a skill. Okay? It's just like everything. Genetics are involved, environments are involved and so is training. 

I don’t know. I just flat out don't know somebody who is world-class, world leading that doesn't believe that what's coming up is going to be extraordinary. That’s a skill. It’s totally a skill. As soon as I talk about optimism and pessimism in small rooms of 200 or 2,000 people, I could feel it. I could just feel that people are like, “Oh, okay. Here we go. I knew it. This is going to turn soft all of a sudden.” It’s like, again, bullshit on that. This is about conditioning your mind to be extraordinary on the razor’s edge, and if you don't believe it's going to get good, it happens, we’d give in to the attention of our brain and we eject out. If we eject out too early or pull out too early or escape, if you will — Remember, our brain is this five functions under stress; fight, flight, frees, submission and flow. If we pull out too early, we don’t get to the good stuff. 

If I could pull on this thread just a little bit more. Right now, we live in a culture, Western culture for certain, where productivity, where our identities are increasingly tied to how much we’re doing. We are running and gunning. We’re hustling and where our self-worth driven by all the non-conscious belief. If we do more, that we’ll be more. We’ll be more relevant, be more valuable. We’ll be more needed, maybe more worthy, and it's a function of what and how much we do. That’s wrong. The idea that we need to do more to be more is broken, and it was passed down for good reason from our great-great- grandparents coming through the Industrial Revolution when they saw machines coming in and they said, “Oh! You know what? No machine is taking my job. I’m going to outwork that thing. You can't replace a human.” So they went home and passed on that thinking that we need to work to save our jobs, and that's where like the real hard work value systems were reinforced in modern times, but now it's gone crazy. It’s literally — I bet you feel it. I bet your community feels it, where this idea that I need to do more to be more is so tiring and so exhausting that people find a real deep fatigue worrying about all the things that they need to do to be okay. It's time to flip the model. I think you would feel and I think most people do feel it. It’s time to flip the model, that we need to be more to do more and let our doing flow from our being. When we’re talking about being; being more present being more grounded,  being more authentic. It feels like to me it's time to recognize that our value is inherent and not contingent upon what we do. 

You can nod your head right now say, “Yeah. Mumbo-jumbo. Yeah, I hear you. Of course, that’s not new.” No, it’s not, but the intellectual idea and concept is not enough. We have to act on it. So the acquisition of knowledge is not enough, and so many of us are smart enough that learning comes easy, that we want to learn, learn, learn, learn, read this book, that book. I get asked all the time, “What are the three books that you enjoy?” Who cares? It's how do you apply. Why do you care what book I’m reading? I don’t get that. It’s a book that I’m interested in. That doesn’t mean you should be interested in it. It’s the application of knowledge that really is, I think, the most important accelerant to our growth. Knowledge is important. It’s a base, but it's how you condition and train and apply it in calm environments, progressively working up to rugged environments that allows you to say something to yourself, which is something along the lines, “I can do difficult things.” When you can say I can do difficult things and you can have a deep trust that you can be authentically yourself and grounded and present in any environment and you don't need the doing to define you, there is incredible freedom right on the side. That's a human that becomes really powerful. 

In graduate school, one of my professors was just bang-on right about this and you just hit it home. He says the most powerful people in the world are those that have nothing to lose. Then you just stopped talking. I could tell, he knew exactly what he meant, but he wasn't giving us the answer. Come to find out, it's like those that have too much money, they can just out-money in anything. They are dangerous, because they don't care about it. They have too much. I’m thinking about the billionaires that — Some sort of lawsuit or whatever. That’s a dangerous human. 

You know who the other dangerous ones are? Those who have nothing. They have nothing. Maybe they have no home. They become dangerous, because they have nothing. So there's nothing to lose. Then there's a third person, those that have nothing to prove. Because they don’t have to do the thing to prove to you that they are okay. 

So we can talk about all the mental skills and tactics and tools, and they’re all great. They’re very important to get you to one, which is I know how to be me and express me in any environment, and I'm not intimidated by what you think. I love you. I love people, and I no longer care what they think of me. If you can get to that place, there is an freedom on the other side to figure it out. I think that is part of all of our journeys, to figure out how to love deeply, to know yourself so well that you can love others. You’re not trying to protect and save your own ass and defend yourself when someone in your home says, “Why did you do that?”  Listen, I wish I was free from that. I’m not. I’m not trying to say that I’m this [inaudible 0:32:29.8]. That's wrong. I’m just like everyone else in your community trying to figure it out. 

When we don't need to defend and protect ourselves, that we can be ourselves and be eloquent and adjust, there's an incredible freedom on that. Whether you’re an entrepreneur, a manager, a leader in an organization, a poker player or an aspiring or world-class athlete, to be able to be grounded and be present in stress, what once was a stressful environment — Woo! That’s the good stuff.

[0:33:01.2] MB: Wow! That was amazing. Literally, when you said that those who have nothing to prove are incredibly powerful, I got chills. I mean, a fascinating idea and concept and I think so, so important. I love also the notion that we need to let our doing flow from our being. Both of those ideas are really, really interesting to me. 

[0:33:23.7] MG: Yeah, there we go. There we go. It's good stuff. The tools and tricks and tactics — There's no tricks, by the way. There’s no tips. It's like you got to just do the hard yard of training your mind and get to the place that you can be you. What does that mean? Can you be yourself in a highly stressful, rugged, hostile, razor’s edge environments? Because if you can't and you know you can't, or know that most of the time you can’t, you’re just fooling yourself. You’re trying to prove that you're okay. That's a slippery little internal game that our minds can play on us. 

I know this from me, trying to work me out better so I can be a better partner to other people, is that it's hard to do the hard things. It's really hard. When it gets hard — There’s a sign in the Seattle Seahawks in one of the doors for one of the team rooms and it says, “Everyone wants to be great, and so they realize what is required of greatness,” and doing the hard things means that you're not great at it. It’s hard. It's sticky. It's like you're not eloquent, but that's where we get, again, exposed for what we’re not good at. Not exposed as a human, but exposed as a doer. Not a beer, but we get exposed what we’re not good at, and that's where the good feedback loops take place. It’s like, “Oh, look. I can't think clearly as soon as —” fill in the blank, or I can't move eloquently as soon as —” fill in the blank. I need to be in those environments more effort. 

For your community members that are listening, I think it's really important for them to write that stuff down. Write it down. Just put it on a whiteboard. Put it in your phone, whatever. What are the environments and conditions when you struggle? Them from there you can back in a very clear mental skills training and say, “Okay. Well, I’m going to train confidence. I’m going to train calm. I’m going to train mindfulness,” and that’s where it gets really, I think, bespoked and customized. 

[0:35:19.9] MB: There's so many different ways I want to dig into this. I do want to want to talk a little bit about some of those kind of tactics for training calm and confidence. I know in our previous conversation we went really deep into optimism and kindness of the strategies for training that. Tell me a little bit about how you work on training calm and confidence. 

[0:35:40.5] MG: Confidence is really mechanical. It’s super simple. It's super simple to understand. It doesn’t mean it’s super simple to do, but confidence only comes from one place. Most people when asked that question — I don’t want to put you on the spot, Matt, but like your community members that are listening, where does confidence come from? If you just take a moment to try to sort that out, where is that coming from? That if it only comes from one place, it's not success. It's not great performance. It's not path to success. It’s not preparation even. 

I can't tell you how many best in the world — Like in the UFC, I was fortunate enough to spend some time working with some amazing combative athletes in that domain, and some that didn't understand how to actually, the value of training their mind, but that they were doing some work, because I was obviously working with them. I would see them change from the concrete floor walking into the UFC cage, I’d see them change on the five steps that they walk up to walking through the threshold of the cage door. The cage door closes behind them and they’re looking across to another skilled human, equally as skilled, may be better, maybe a little bit worst, but equally as skilled. 

To have 18,000 fans in the environment, millions of people watching to want to see blood, potentially yours, and you're looking across to another man that is equally as skilled as you. All you have is your feet, your elbows, your hands, some knees and your mind. That’s it. Your hands and your feet and your mind in the most ancient tests, and I see people change because the environment dictated their mind, rather than their mind dictate the environment. It begins with conference. It really does. Confidence only comes from one place, which is not past success. It’s not preparation. Those are necessary, but not sufficient. It only comes from what you say to yourself, and I've seen people that are pretty confident on the concrete floor, but then as soon as they walk up the steps, they start to say something to themselves, that inner dialogue, that self-talk that’s like, “Oh, man! I don’t know. Maybe. God! I hope I’m going to be okay. Gees! I wish I would have slept a little bit better. Damn!” fill in the blanks, and that’s where we start to really unravel. 

So confidence doesn't come from preparation. You got to have it. It’s a necessary ingredient, but not enough. It only really comes from what you say to yourself. So, write it down. Write down what it sounds like when you’re a shithead to yourself, like when you're screwed up, write those thoughts down and then be done with them. Those thoughts, those self-critical, self-doubt, excessive worry, all of those thoughts don't build space. They build constriction, they build tension, they build tightness. While it might seem right or might seem — I don’t know, candid-flavored if you will. What’s the big deal? If I say to myself, “I suck.” That one statement is not enough to do any real damage, but it's a little paper cut, and over time, a bunch of paper cuts in the same area becomes a real irritant. 

Then on the other side, write down the thoughts. Literally, the statements, the way it sounds to be in your head when you're on point. When it's good to be you, what are you saying to yourself? That would be like 101, like the 101 course on confidence is what are the negative thoughts and what are the positive thoughts. Write them down. Get them out of your head. Externalize your hard drive. Get it out and then you could just make a decision about, “You know what? I want to have more of those good thoughts.” “Okay, for me to have those good, I want to practice them and then I want to put myself in environments that test them to see if they hold up, and that’s it.” 

Again, it's a mechanical process, but it doesn't mean it is mechanical and you do it. You don’t walk into an environment and say, “Oh, God! What are my good thoughts? What are my epic thoughts? That’s right, I am strong.” No, it's not like that. It’s like you’ve conditioned yourself to know that you are strong and to know that those types of thoughts build you. In the ready room, go back to the UFC. In the ready room when you’re breaking a sweat, that’s where you say to yourself, “I put in the fucking work. Let’s go! My shit is strong and on point. I’m going to snap my jab. I’m going to pivot my hips and I’m going to lock and load. Let’s go!” whatever it is. If you don't appreciate the combative sports, then you would use it something in a more artistic canvas and/or business way. So it’s doing the work ahead of time. Where does confidence come from? Now you know. It comes from what you say to yourself. Who’s responsible for that? You are that will do the work. 

[0:40:29.9] MB: So I want to get really specific on this. Once we — Let’s say somebody who’s listening and maybe has a lot of problems with negative thoughts or negative self-talk, write down the negative thoughts, write down kind of positive self-talk and what that looks like. How do we then start to — What are the mechanics of kind of conditioning ourselves to use an experience more positive self-talk? 

[0:40:53.9] MG: Again, the first is having — If you’re going to throw darts, know where the bull's-eye is. The bull's-eye in this case are thoughts that works for you, and it's not that if you wrote down five thoughts, those are the only five thoughts to have, but they just capture the spirit of that type of thinking. 

Remember, thoughts lead to thought patterns, and thoughts patterns lead to habits of mind. So we want to create habits of mind that you what? Build confidence. So what are the thoughts are just the beginning part of the bull's-eye to have thought patterns. How do you do it? Well, you could go way back to kind of early days in sport psychology and practice those thoughts. I don't think that's not — That’s too silly for me, but at least knowing them, writing them down is good, but it's really about the feeling, those thoughts and thought patterns and habits lead to emotions and feelings. So we want to get to those feelings, but feelings only happen if you reverse engineer them through thinking and thinking patterns. 

Then what do we do? We get clear that there is a type of thought structure that promotes us to feel big and strong and flexible and dynamic. So then the next thing that we do is we go challenge ourselves. Every day we’d make a commitment to challenge ourselves to see if we give in to the challenge and start to critique and doubt and worry, or do we stay the course and fight through it and say, basically, the thoughts on the other side. It’s not more complicated than that. 

Now if you don't want to do that because you can't quite figure out how to get to the edge of your comfort zone today or tomorrow, and there's lots of ways to do that. You can do that through emotional vulnerability and you can do the old school ways, do it through getting your heart rate up where it feels like it's going to — You’re at your max thresholds. So you can do it through fitness, but it’s limiting, but that's the way that a lot of people do it. Through emotional vulnerability is another way, by being uncomfortable emotionally. 

Now, you can also do it — If you don’t want to do it, again, physically, you can do it in imagination. So you can close your eyes and use this amazing imagery making machine that from good science we know does impact our performance, it impacts our neurochemistry, it impacts our neurobiology and it also impacts our psychology when we see ourselves performing and being in certain environments in particular ways. So if we can slow down and actually create a lifelike image of a particular scenario, that we can practice ways of thinking and ways of feeling and ways of moving. If you go back to something like one of the projects, the Red Bull Stratos Project that I was fortunate to be part of with Felix Baumgartner, he only got one shot in real life to jump from a 130,000 feet and he was going to be the first human to travel through the speed — To travel and break the speed of sound without a capsule around him. The brightest minds in aerospace were not sure if when he traveled through the sonic boom and part of his body was subsonic and part of his body was transonic, like there was these different tensions on every part of his body, they weren’t quite sure what was going to happen. Whether his arms and legs are going to rip off when he traveled through the sonic boom, if he could travel at the speed of sound, Mach 1. 

If you only get one shot at doing it, and we know that a particular way of thinking and feeling precedes behaviors, so thoughts lead to emotions, and emotions and thoughts together impact performance. Well, let’s get our thoughts and emotions right. So we put ourselves, especially in hostile environments, in the right condition to capture the right way of performing. How many times do you think — I’m not going to give you the number, because that part of the conversation is for him to share. What I just shared is all public. But you can imagine how many times that we used imagery to get the right state of mind and the right state of body prior to the jump so that he could perform and adjust eloquently. It is sloppy just to show up and think that you’re going to be okay. You show up in purposeful ways, in low stress environment all the way to the most rugged environment you can create. 

[0:45:06.0] MB: That's really fascinating. I’d love to hear a few more insights from your work with Felix. I mean, I remember watching that live and especially to the point where he kind of passed out for a second or they lost communication or whatever, was really, really tense, but it was an amazing jump. 

But before kind of digging into that a little bit more, I think underscoring this whole kind of delve into strategy and self-talk and how to think about your thought is something you said earlier, which is really important, which is that there are no shortcuts, right? There is no kind of tricks or tips, really, the piqued performance and all these things, the strategies are complex or hidden. They’re really simple. It's just about doing the hard work and actually putting the work in. 

[0:45:52.1] MG: Yeah, and that's why I think it's really important to just honor those — If you want to be the best version of yourself — Again, for what aim? So that you can be deeply connected to other people, and because it's the connection together that takes us to the extraordinary. Again, that's everywhere from business to love and sometimes those two are co-mingled. But the idea, meaning that we can love deeply what we do and the people that we’re with and do extraordinary things. The idea that there's only three things that we can train; craft, body and mind, training the mind is not extra. It's not something that we live to the end of the day or later. IT’s something that we need to invest in on a regular basis, because if you train your craft to a ridiculous aim and you are a technician, I mean, at the highest proficiency in the gym, so to speak, or in the office cubicle, but you don't train your mind, and then as soon as there is these forms of pressure in the environment, once you leave the workout gym and go into the arena or you leave the cubicle and go on stage, or go into the boardroom and your mind is not strong. Honestly, you're exposed. That's not good. That's optimal. We have to do all three. 

Again, I want to come back to — Let me see if I could stitch together confidence and mindfulness. Those two are intimately linked. So mindfulness by definition is a training modality to help increase awareness of thoughts. It is a focused training. It’s not a relaxation training. It’s a focused training to focus on the present moment without judgment of our awareness of our thoughts, our emotions, our body sensations and the unfolding environment around us. That awareness training becomes the beginning grounds of being aware of our thought patterns, being aware of our actual thoughts. If we can become aware of our thoughts and thought patterns and become more sensitive and finely tuned them, we can course correct and choose the thoughts that help build a state, an internal state promotes us to be more optimal as opposed to being unaware of our internal thinking patterns, and if those thinking patterns are not promoting, actually create so much tension and toxicity internally that we shut down or close off or tighten up. That's what the term choking comes from. There’s choking, there’s micro-choking, there's performing, there's performing under pressure and then there's dissolving pressure. But most people don't choke and most people don't dissolve pressure. They place somewhere safer in the middle. Micro-choking is more choking off access. Our mind is choking off access to our craft, and performing and thriving under pressure is cool, but it's not dissolving pressure. 

So our work is to become aware of our thoughts that lead the thinking patterns and course correct them as quickly as we possibly can to promote an internal state that allows us to be present, authentic and grounded so that we can adjust eloquently to the external demands, sometimes internal demands, of performance. Again, there’s no shortcut. You just got to do the hard work. At this point, I'm sure much of your community is familiar with mindfulness. If they’re not, it is a definite beginning place to start. 

[0:49:20.4] MB: Just in a side really quickly, I know we kind of came up on the hour. Do you have maybe like five more minutes or maybe a few more minutes just to kind of wrap up one or two questions and then get to kind of the end where we’ll ask where listeners can find you and that kind of thing? 

[0:49:31.4] MG: Sure. Of course. Yeah, thank you. 

[0:49:33.1] MB: Okay. Perfect. Those little housekeeping issue. So tell me more about — I love this distinction between the idea of performing under pressure versus dissolving pressure. 

[0:49:43.4] MG: Performing under pressure is that you interpret — If you think there's pressure, you're right, and that also holds true for being able to dissolve pressure. It is possible to change your relationship with yourself and the environment in such a way that pressure is dissolved. How does that happen? Well, there is no — I can't tell you how to do that. You have to figure it out. You have to do the hard work to figure out your unique psychological framework that your parents gave you, that your peers influenced, that pop culture’s influence and that you've learned and patchwork together based on your mentors and deep thinking that you’ve had. Each person has its unique psychological framework. If that psychological framework interprets something to be a pressure that could break or shift that framework, a framework like a building that can't withstand the tornadoes or winds or whatever, the rain even, then you're going to feel pressure. 

So you can dissolve it too. You can have such a sturdy framework. Think about the most influential people in the world, those that from thousands and thousands of years have changed the way we understand what's possible. Those tend to be political leaders and spiritual leaders. I mean, if you are a spiritual person, do you think that Buddha had pressure? No, he dissolved it. He did public speaking and his heart then would come up, like he was speaking from a grounded authentic place. How about Jesus? He was passionate and purposeful and he had to train his mind, I think, as the story goes, so did Buddha, so did Confucius, so did Muhammad, they trained their minds. They talk about that, but they dissolved pressure because the purpose was so much larger and their internal framework was so sturdy that they dissolved it often. 

You see when great performers in modern times talk about their “best”, they talk about being in flow state, and flow state or the zone, if you will, is essentially dissolving a pressure. It’s using the challenge in the environment to have a deep focus. Also, I guess, stitch back to mindfulness. Mindfulness is a deep focus training. So deep focus promotes is one of the promoters of flow state. So they use their environment to help deep focus. Focus on what? Focus on the most essential task at hand and not have to focus on the chunkiness of worry and doubt and frustration of our mind, because we really worked on having great thoughts. I hope I answered that question for you. 

[0:52:12.6] MB: I think that was great, and it’s a really important distinction and something that I think really gives me some good perspective on thinking about and kind of dealing with pressure. I'd love to circle back and kind of tie this in concretely in some way. We started out the conversation sort of talking about the daily architecture of world-class performers and sort of what that looks like. I’d love it, if you're comfortable sharing, maybe an example of what does the day in a life of a world-class performer look like from sort of the way that they structure and organize their day?

[0:52:49.1] MG: I think you’d be surprised by how much we talk about recovery, the science and the art of recovery. A normal structure looks something like wake up in the morning, maybe do some bodywork, because there are some recovery patterns that need to take place, and then there's obviously food throughout the day, is staple for most and high quality food. I’ll just talk about a more optimized program, but it's a pretty early wake-up. I get some food in, get some movement, rehab, tissue work on. There are some meetings take place, and those meetings are either with the entire team or sub-parts of a team and there’s individual meetings. There is anywhere between 15 to 20 minutes, to 60, 70 minutes of physical training in the gym. There's more study time, more meetings. There is at least one, sometimes two, training sessions where you're actually working out your mind, body and craft. So that's what a practice really is designed to do. 

There’s some down time, but it’s not as much as you think. There’s maybe 20 minutes here and there for some down time. There’s obviously, like I said, there’s lunch and everything embedded through, and then there's more film. So there's meetings, film. There’s individual meetings. There’s physical movement. There is technical movement, and then they’re either threaded throughout or separate time set up for mental training. The threading throughout is what the highest organizations in the world are doing. They are starting their meetings with X-number minutes of mindfulness training, not waiting for the athlete to do it later. They’re starting their meetings that way. That also happens in business as well. Some businesses are doing that or adopting that practice. 

So that's what it looks like, and there's often homework and the days are long and there’s usually at the upper limits about four hours of nauseatingly deep focused physical work, and then there is about four hours of cognitive and/or mental emotional work, and rinse and repeat until you get the chance to compete against other people. 

So day in and day out is an internal competition with your teammates as well, not trying to step on their throats and choke them out, but working with them to help sharpen their sword and sharpen your sword and return. Then you get a chance to do it with other teams as well. So that's kind of what it looks like, but we talk about the art and science of recovery far more than you might imagine, and we do not approach recovery as something that comes at the end of the process, but it's an integral part of the process itself. Taking time to do this often — To do this is challenging and it's often neglected. It is an essential component of higher performance. 

[0:55:37.2] MB: I know we dug pretty deep into recovery in our first conversation. So we’ll make sure to include that in the show notes for listeners who want to kind of dig in to some of the other topics that have been circling around what we've gotten into today. But for listeners who want to kind of concretely implement a lot of the ideas we've discussed, what would you give to them as kind of one piece of homework or an action item to start implementing some of the ideas we’ve talked about today?

[0:56:04.1] MG: I think that our last conversation, we talked about a philosophy. So if we — Having our own philosophy, and if that hasn't gotten done yet, it’d say go back and do that and get that done. If folks miss that, maybe having a link into our earlier conversation will help. I would start there. If that’s already done or you don’t want to do that for whatever reason, I would start with mindfulness and really paying attention to practicing being aware of the thoughts, of the emotions, of the body sensations and environment, and/or environment. Mindfulness can be substituted with the word meditation. We’ll just start there. 

I mean, that's a massive accelerant to maybe even mastering the internal domain. I can’t imagine a process without mindfulness or paying attention to the internal state and master being in the same conversation. So I would start there. I’d also like take a deep hard look at your sleep patterns. If you are under recovery, you’re eventually going to break down and/or just your brain does — Our brains does something pretty phenomenal, is that they adapt to suboptimal, because they say, “Okay. I see the game you're playing. You’re not going to allow me to recover properly. Well, I'm just going to not have as amazing of an output. So suboptimal becomes the new normal, which is a bomber, because it's like cooking a frog. You don’t quite realize that it’s the boiling water — The fog doesn’t ever quite realize that it's not in a god environment. 

So I would start with mindfulness, sleep, philosophy, kind of the big stuff. Last thing as we close this out, is that Harvard did an amazing study where they followed for 75 years, they followed people on the path of fulfillment, deep meaning in life stuff. What they found is one of the pillars of people that had fulfillment in life is that they asked and wrestled with the deep questions in life. They didn’t avoid them. They weren’t distracted by them. They actually [inaudible 0:58:03.9] with it. Who am I? What is my purpose? When am I doing with my efforts? What does this mean to be human? The deep questions in life. What is the purpose for spirituality? For mindset training? for doing this amazing amount of work? What am I doing here? [inaudible 0:58:24.6] with those big questions. Philosophy is who I am? To do that deep work is just another important, I guess I would say reminder for all that that that stuff you have to do alone. You can have those inspired conversation with people, but ultimately you have to make up your mind about who you are. 

[0:58:42.7] MB: For listeners who want more of you and your work, where can they find you online? 

[0:58:47.0] MG: So there’s a couple of places. Thank you for asking. The — What is it? 140 characters? Whatever. Is that what it is? Is Twitter 140 or is it 144? 

[0:58:56.2] MB: Didn’t they up it to 280 characters? 

[0:58:58.4] MG: We got 280. Okay. Something, 280 characters. You can find me on social media and Twitter, which is @MichaelGervais, and that’s Gervais, and LinkedIn, same thing, Michael Gervais. Instagram is @findingmastery. So we’ve got a podcast we fired up called Finding Mastery, and that websites is pretty clean. It’s fundingmastey.net, and world-class performers, deconstructing and better understanding their path of mastery. Then coach Carroll and I are just about done with writing a book. That would be coming soon. Those are the best places. Then my business with Coach Carroll is called Compete to Create, and that websites is competetocreate.net. 

[0:59:45.8] MB: Well, Michael, once again, an incredible conversation. So many great insights and ideas. Always a pleasure to have you on the show to share all of this wisdom. Thank you so much for coming back and returning to the Science of Success. 

[0:59:58.8] MG: Thanks for having me. I really appreciate it. Thank, Matt. 

[1:00:01.0] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created the show to help you, our listeners, master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story or just say hi, shoot me an email. My email is matt@successpodcast.com. That's matt@successpodcast.com. I'd love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener email. 

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Thanks again and we'll see you on the next episode of the Science of Success.


April 05, 2018 /Lace Gilger
Best Of, High Performance, Emotional Intelligence
DrAdamGrant-01 (1).png

Blindspots, Bias, Billionaires and Bridgewater with Dr. Adam Grant

March 29, 2018 by Lace Gilger in Best Of, Decision Making

In this episode we discuss the relationship between bad ideas and creative genius, the three biggest lessons from studying the most successful hedge fund on earth, why a complete stranger may often be a better judge of your abilities than you are, the key things that stand in the way of developing more self awareness and how you can fix them, why it’s so important to invest in the ability to make better decisions, and much more with our guest Dr. Adam Grant. 

Dr. Adam Grant has been Wharton’s top-rated professor for six straight years and has been named a Fortune’s 40 under 40, as well as one of the world’s 10 most influential management speakers. He is the multi bestselling author of Give and Take, Originals and Option B which have been translated into over 35 languages. His work has been featured on Oprah, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal and he is the host of the new TED Podcast, WorkLife...

  • You don’t know yourself as well as you think you do

  • There are two things that stand in the way of self awareness

  • We have blindspots that other can see, that we can’t

    1. Biases - the things we don’t want to see

  • We are better judges of our internal state, but much worse at judging our external behaviors than our friends and colleagues

  • We are motivated to have a positive image of ourself

  • A complete stranger is a better judge of your assertiveness, creativity, and intelligence after 8 minutes than you are of yourself (after your entire life!)

  • We all want to think of ourselves as being smart and creative

  • “Male pattern blindness”

  • Any time a trait is easy for others to see and hard for us to see - we are bad at judging it

  • Human blindspots are predictable and most people have the same kinds of blindspots

  • At Bridgewater they tape video + audio of every single meeting

  • Bridgewater was a fascinating place to study deep self awareness

  • No one has the right to hold a critical view without speaking up about it

  • Peer support in the workplace is vital

  • When we get criticized, we make the mistake of going to people to support and cheer us up - we need a “challenge network” to challenge our assumptions, push us, and see through our BS

  • When things are going poorly, people usually ignore the naysayers and dissenters, but the more you do that the worse things typically get - you should be doing the opposite

  • How do we avoid shooting the messenger when we receive negative feedback?

  • Any time you are about to receive negative feedback, get some praise / positive feedback in a positive domain to buffer your negative emotional response first

  • Why “feedback sandwiches” (praise, criticism, praise) doesn’t work as well as people think they do

  • If you’re praising, praise in a separate realm

  • “Democracy is a dumb idea for running a company” - some people’s decisions are objectively better than other people’s

  • The power of domain specific believability scores and how that’s shaped Bridgewater’s results in a positive way

  • Not all feedback is equal

  • Go around and look at your feedback sources and ask yourself two questions

  • What’s their track record in the skill you’re asking for feedback on?

    1. How well do they know YOU?

  • The three biggest lessons Adam learned from studying Bridgewater

  • Turn the idea of Devil’s advocate upside down

    1. Someone arguing for a minority view often turns the group against that view

      1. Don’t assign a devil’s advocate, unearth a genuine devil’s advocate - it helps groups make better decisions

      2. Authentic devil’s advocates create authentic divergent thinking

    2. You must speak up when you have a dissenting opinion and encourage people to speak up when they have a dissenting opinion

    3. Say to people “one of things I really value is when people disagree with me or when someone respectfully and thoughtfully challenges my beliefs"

    4. Ask people to “opt-in” to wanting feedback - you have to be willing to ask for it and opt-in to it

  • Why would a billionaire spend hours arguing about the placement of a white board?

  • Personality is really bad at predicting one specific behavior, but it’s great a predicting aggregate behavior

  • The marshmallow test, personality, and delayed gratification

  • Situations repeat themselves over and over again - tiny decisions about things like a whiteboard cascade through all decision-making processes

  • We look at each moment of our life as if thru a microscope, what we should do is look at them through a telescope and see how everything is a microcosm of something larger, similar to personality

  • By investing in improving your decisionmaking skills you accrue more and more interest on that over time

  • The mental model of positive EV thinking - looking at aggregate outcomes and not specific instances

  • The best model for psychology is meteorology and how that ties into Charlie Munger - power of thinking across academic discipline and building mental models from a wide array of academic disciplines

  • Lessons form Shakespeare, Edison, and Picasso to understand what makes them different from their contemporaries

  • The more BAD IDEAS you have, the more creative you are

  • We are too close to our own ideas to judge them accurately

  • One of the biggest predictors of creative results is raw output and being prolific

  • Your first idea is rarely your best idea

  • Research shows these conclusions across a huge array of domains - business, music, art, innovation tournaments, and more - the more ideas you create, the more valuable ideas you create

  • You don't max out on quality and originality until you have about 200 ideas on the table

  • How can we improve our creative forecasting skills?

  • Managers often have skewed incentives to reject new and creative ideas

  • What has worked in the past is at best irrelevant, or worst may be negatively correlated with success

  • If you can’t trust yourself and you can’t trust your boss who can you go to? Creative peers are the answer.

  • Fun fact - clowns are universally hated.

  • You can open your bosses mind by having them spend 5 minutes brainstorming for themselves, that will prime them to be more creative and less evaluative/judging

  • Your most promising idea is often the one you typically rank second, not first

  • Start with evaluating your challenge network - think about the people who’ve given you the best critical feedback in your life, who are those people, and how can you benefit from their criticism?

  • Example - send an article to your challenge network before publishing it

    1. Create a system to repeatedly engage them

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SHOW NOTES, LINKS, & RESEARCH

  • [Personal Site] Adam Grant

  • [Article] “People Don't Actually Know Themselves Very Well” by Adam Grant

  • [TED Podcast] WorkLife with Adam Grant: A TED original podcast

  • [Article] Balancing on the Creative Highwire: Forecasting the Success of Novel Ideas in Organizations By Justin M. Berg

  • [Article] Creative productivity: A predictive and explanatory model of career trajectories and landmarks Summary by David Zach Hambrick

  • [TEDTalk] Who are you, really? The puzzle of personality by Brian Little

  • [Research Profile] Walter Mischel

  • [Research Article] Devil's advocate versus authentic dissent: stimulating quantity and quality by Charlan Nemeth, Keith Brown, and John Rogers

  • [Wiki Article] Dunning–Kruger effect

  • [Article] Research: We Drop People Who Give Us Critical Feedback by Francesca Gino

  • [Article] The Psychology of Change: Self-Affirmation and Social Psychological Intervention by Geoffrey L. Cohen and David K. Sherman

Episode Transcript


[00:00:06.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:11.8] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success, the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the internet with more than a billion downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries. In this episode we discuss the relationship between bad ideas and creative genius. We look at the three biggest lessons from studying the most successful hedge fund on earth. We talk about why a complete stranger may often be up better judge of your abilities than you are. We examine the key things that stand in the way of developing more self-awareness and how you can fix them. Look at why it's so important to invest in the ability to make better decisions and much more with our guest, Dr. Adam Grant. 

I'm going to give you three reasons why you should join our email list today by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the homepage. There's some amazing stuff that's only available to our email subscribers, so be sure to sign up, check out the email list as soon as possible. 

First; you’re going to get an awesome free guide that we created based on listener demand. This is our most popular guide. It's called How to Organize and Remember Everything. You can get it completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide when you sign up and join the email list today. Next, you’re going to get a curated weekly email from us every single Monday called Mindset Monday. Listeners have been loving this email. It’s short, simple, filled with interesting articles and insights, things we found fascinating within the last week. Lastly, you're going to get an exclusive chance to shape the show. You can vote on guests help us change our intro music, parts of the show, even submit your own personal questions to our guests, and much more. You can sign up by going to success podcast.com, signing up right on the homepage, or if you're out and about, if you're on the go, if you're driving around right now, just text the word “smarter”. That's “smarter” to the number 44222. That's “smarter” to 44222. 

In our previous episode we approach the concept of the self from a concrete and scientific perspective, not in an abstract or philosophical way. What are the hard sciences, like biology and physics, say about the existence of the self? Does the self exist from a psychological perspective? What is the science say and what does it mean for ourselves, our future and how we think about change and self-improvement? We explore the scientific search for the self with our guest, Dr. Robert Levine. If you want to discover who you truly are, listen to that episode. 

Now for the show today. 

[0:02:54.3] MB: Today, we have another amazing guest on the show, Dr. Adam Grant. Adam has been Wharton's top rated professor for six straight years and has been named to Fortune's 40 under 40, as well as one of the world's 10 most influential management speakers. He's the multi best-selling author of Give & Take, Originals and Option B which have been translated in over 35 languages. His work has been featured on Oprah, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and he’s the host of the new TED podcast called Worklife. 

Adam, welcome to the Science of Success. 

[0:03:24.2] AG: Thanks, Matt. Delighted to be here. 

[0:03:25.8] MB: Well, we’re very excited to have you on the show today. Huge fans of your work and your ideas, me and Austin. So we’re really thrilled to have you on here. I’d love to start out with a topic we talk a lot about on the show and something you wrote recently about the in the Atlantic, which is self-awareness and how people often don't really understand self-awareness or think that they’re a lot more self-aware than they are. Could you kind of share the thesis of that article and what it was about?

[0:03:53.9] AG: I love getting to talk to an audience that’s as fascinated by psychology and the evidence behind it as I am. This is a real treat. I think that what’s striking to me is that pretty much as long as I've been a psychologist, I've gotten the reaction from people, “Well, wait a minute, what could you possibly know about me that I don’t? I own my own mind.” 

I started thinking about that and kind of pushing back and saying, “Well, you know? You own a car, and you might even be the only one who drive it, but that doesn’t mean when the engine stops working, that you know what to do going under the hood to fix it.” 

I think that there are two things that stand in the way of self-awareness as I’ve read more and more the research on it. One is just basic blind spots. We have blind spots because there are things that other people can see that we can't, because we’re stuck inside our own head. So we have all these backstage access to what's going on internally, but we can't see independently from an outside view what our behavior looks like. What that means is that psychologically we’re better judges than our friends, and then definitely than strangers of our internal state. How anxious am I, for example. We’re much worse that judging our external behaviors, the parts of our personality that other people can see clearly, like how assertive am I?, for example. 

Then the other sort of big self-awareness challenge is not just blind spots, which are the things we can't see, but also biases, the things that we don't want to see. So we’re motivated to have a positive image of ourselves. There’s this really cool research by [inaudible 0:05:32.9], a psychologist who was trying to break down when are we better judges of our own personality versus when are other people more accurate than we are? 

So what she did was she had people rate themselves on a whole bunch of personality descriptions and then also some traits, like intelligence and creativity, and then she had their friends rate them. She got four of their friends to do it, and she also had some complete strangers interacted with him for about 8 minutes over a pizza, and then they made judgments too. 

Then she went and actually tested them in all these straight. So she measured their assertiveness, for example, by putting them in a leaderless group discussion and then coding the videotape to see who dominated the conversation and who was a little bit more hesitant. She gave them an IQ test to gauge their intelligence. She gave them a creativity challenge where you can actually measure how many ideas people generate and how novel they are within the group. 

So she does all of these, and then what she’s able to show is that the blind spots are pretty clearly in these external domains. So people were worse than their friends at judging their own assertiveness, but in the internal domains, they were better. When they rated their own anxiety versus their friends rated it, they did a better job than their friend did at predicting how nervous they would be giving a public speech when there was an evaluator watching and not smiling and they were being recorded. 

But then there is another dimension beyond just the internal sort of external blind spot issue, and that’s the bias issue. So people turned out to be terrible at judging their own intelligence and their own creativity, because we all want to think of ourselves as smart and creative, and so people tended to be overconfident. That was especially true among men in the study. I guess you could call it male pattern blindness or something like that. 

I think the big lesson here is that any time a trait is hard to be for us and easy to see for others — Sorry, I’ll say that again. I think the big lesson here is that any time a trait is easy for other people to see or hard for us to admit, we can't trust our own judgment of it. 

[0:07:39.6] MB: You had a great phrase in that article that I think kind of underscored this point, which is you said that human blind spots are predictable. Can you elaborate on that and kind of explain how that ties into this?

[0:07:51.5] AG: I guess, I looked a lot of my life thinking that I had different blind spots from everyone else I knew, and that how clearly you could see yourself depended on whether you were surrounded by people who were willing to tell you the truth, basically. 

I think what psychologists had discovered, which I find so interesting, is that, actually, most people have the same kinds of blind spot. It tends to be those things that you can’t see because you're stuck inside your own head, and I guess I first figured this out when I was teaching negotiations. I would have some MBA students and executives who negotiated like sharks and they lost trust, and then others who are just major people pleasers and they were too accommodating and they failed to stand up for themselves. I would have them negotiate and then I’d give them feedback. I’d have their counterparts give them feedback and they'd always under correct. 

Finally, I just decided, “You know what? I’m going to videotape them.” I’d sit down and watch the tapes with them and they were just horrified. They’d say, “Is that what people have been seeing for years? Is that really how I come across?” It’s kind of like hearing your own voice on tape for the first time. I really didn't even need to say anything after that, because once they could observe the behavior from an outside view, they were often much more — They were much more prepared to correct it and they were motivated to correct it, because they got it. 

I think that's something we should all be in the habit of doing, is If you're an athlete, you'd review the game tape after every single competition. I know, I used to a springboard diver, and in my diving days in high school and college I would watch videos of every practice in slow motion, because there’s one thing to have my coach tell me what he was seeing. There’s a whole another thing for me to see it myself. Then very frequently, I wouldn't argue back as much. I just go and do it. 

I think that's one way that we can spot the pattern blind spots, or I should say that differently. So if you want to recognize your blind spot, the patterns are there are things that you can't see from inside, and you often a videotape or a audiotape helps make those visible. 

[0:10:02.0] MB: I love that idea, and I think feedback is — If you look at something like deliberate practice or just improving and growing in general, feedback is such a vital component of that. How do we — I think it's really clear in a field like sports or may be a competitive activity, like chess or gambling or something like, or poker specifically, but in a field like business that there's a much kind of murkier connection between action and output, how do we tighten those feedback loops or kind of get the “game tape” so that we can get that feedback and help spot our blind spots?

[0:10:36.3] AG: That was one of the things that I wanted to understand when I lunched this podcast with TED. So the vision behind the Work Life was I would invite myself in to organizations, they’d go to the extreme and something that we all either struggle with or curious to — Excuse me. Something that we all struggle with are curious to learn more about and try to master.

For feedback, I went to Bridgewater, the hedge fund that’s been named the most successful in the world, where they do videotape and audiotape every meeting and in conversations with a few exceptions. First I thought it was going to Big Brother, and very quickly I walked in and I’m being videotaped and audiotaped and after a few minutes I forgot it. Sort of the real me came out. 

Ray Dalio, the founder, pointed out that he thinks it's a lot like what it must feel like to be on reality TV, where anytime you're sitting at home watching you’re like, “How do these people not realize that their behavior is being broadcast? They would never act that way.” The answer is you can't be on self-monitoring or evaluating all the time. 

So Bridgewater was a really cool place to understand these dynamic, because they believe so much in radical transparency. One of their principles is, is that no one has the right hold a critical opinion without speaking up about it. 

So the insight I walked away with is I was thinking about networks wrong, or at least I had my view of — My view of networks was incomplete. I've read a ton of research on the value of support networks. We know that if you have mentors and sponsors, your career is more likely to advance. We also know that pure your support in the workplace is about as important as support from above, and yet when we get criticized, we make the mistake of going to our cheerleaders and we lean on the people who encourage us, which is great for motivation, but we need another group of people, and that's what Bridgewater is so good at trying to build. I’ve come to call that a challenge network. The support network is the people who build you up when you're down. The challenge network is the group of people who tell you you're not there yet, right? Who push you because they really care about helping you get better. 

As I watch this happen in Bridgewater, I was thinking about some research that Jim Westphalen is calling [inaudible 0:12:51.5] on what happens to CEOs when their firms underperform? So they surveyed hundreds of CEO and they want to know basically when your company’s performance is objectively bad, what do you do? Td they found that on average what most CEOs do is they then lean on their support network, which are their friends who are in very similar jobs, in very similar industries, in very similar companies and they ignore their naysayers and their dissenters who usually have a fresher point of view, who might be in a not sort of drink in the same Kool-Aid or stuck inside the same bubble as them. The more that they do that, the worse their company's performance gets. 

So they end up sort of thinking inside the inner circle when they need to be going outside that circle. Of course, that's more pronounced that their subsequent research showing that if you’re a narcissist, you’re at greater risk for doing that. So narcissist are especially likely to ignore objectives, sort of failure signals from the market. They’re more drawn to social praise and they’re re more likely to fall victim to flattery from the yes-men or the brown-nosers who surround them. I think we've all been in that situation. 

Francesca Gino did some studies on this where she asked people to just identity the colleagues that they went to for feedback, and then rate how much are they encouraging and praising you versus criticizing and challenging you. Then she followed up a few minutes later to find out what — Excuse me. She followed up a few months later to find out what would happen to these relationships, and she found that just like those underperforming CEOs, that what most people would do is they went out of their way to avoid their critics. 

So if in the last six months somebody has given you really harsh feedback, you've done everything in your power to drop them from your life. In the short run, that might feel good, it might help with your motivation, but it destroys your opportunity to learn. I think we all need to embrace that challenge network if we want to reach our potential. 

[0:14:51.9] MB: How do we open ourselves up to that challenging feedback and kind of fight back against the natural tendency to shoot the messenger, for lack of better term? 

[0:15:02.7] AG: My favorite research on this, hands down, comes from I guess the literature on self-affirmation. So Claude Steele at Stanford kicked it off several decades ago. Sherman & Cohen have done a nice review in the last decade or so, and the idea is that it’s way easier to take criticism in one domain when we’ve praised in another. As long as we have this tendency to sort of gravitate toward the people who give us positive reinforcement, we might as well use that to our advantage and say, “Okay. Anytime I’m going to seek out criticisms or somebody reaches out to let me know that they're about to give me some negative feedback, what I can do is I can buffer myself against the blow of that by looking for some positive feedback in a completely separate domain.”

So if I'm about to get feedback on a creative project I have just worked on. What I want to do is I want to first go and figure out, “Okay. What are completely unrelated things that I've done well lately?” So I might review a good decision I made in the past few week. I might go and check my calendar and see that I've actually been extra productive and I’ve cleared some things off my to-do list. Once I've affirmed a skill or a value or an achievement in a different domain, now when I come into this creative project I’m much less likely to see that as the heart of my identity. So it’s less crushing then when somebody tells me that my creativity was really, really, really poor in this particular project and it seemed totally unoriginal. 

I think that obviously we can do this as feedback givers, not just receivers. So many people love to dish out a feedback sandwich and say, “Let me praise you, and then I’ll criticize you and then I’ll praise you again. So we get to start and end on a high note,” which the feedback sandwich does not tastes as good as it looks, if you look at the research. Because, one, you people don't trust the praise when it comes first. They’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, and they think you're just trying to butter them up. 

Then two, even if they do, primacy and recency effects are much stronger than whatever we might process in between. So you're more likely to remember the first and last things that happened than the middle, and that means the praise on both ends might drain out criticism. What I always recommend to people instead is to say either just put the criticism on the table, and then you can end with some praise or at least some encouragement about your confidence in the person, or flip it and say, “All right. I’m going to praise first, but I’ve got to make sure that’s a separate realm. Then when I give the criticism, my hope is that you've heard it a little bit more, because you had something else, some other talent to fall back on to stake your ego or your self-esteem on.” That tends to work much better than the alternative. 

[0:17:46.6] MB: Kind of a corollary of that and something that I think you touched on in the interview with Ray Dalio was this kind of idea of believability weighted feedback, and that feedback varies based on how credible the person giving it to you is and sort of the idea that not all feedback is equal. How can we implement that when we’re about feedback from colleagues, friends, etc., and looking at ways to improve ourselves?

[0:18:11.5] AG: It’s such an interesting question. One of the things that I love at Bridgewater is that they think that democracy is a dumb idea for running a company, because the whole idea of democracy is that every person's opinion or vote has equal weight, and their point is that in the workplace, it doesn't and it shouldn't. 

There's a reason that we promote people, because we trust their decision-making skills or they've demonstrated a particular level of expertise in a certain domain. But Bridgewater also doesn't allow the people who have risen the power to drive every decision and every piece of feedback. What they want to do is they want to know — And they 77 different domains where they have people rate each other regularly and they want to know, “Okay. How credible are you in this domain?” Because you might be really great at, let's say, analyzing markets, but really terrible at analyzing human relationships, or vice versa. So instead of having an overall believability score, you get a domain-specific believability score, which is your track record of performance in that domain, which is probably at some level relevant to whether your — Let me say that different. Sorry. 

You get a domain specific believability score, which is more or less a probability of being right in this domain based on your track record in the past. So I think if we wanted to — Anybody who wanted to try to simulate that in your own life. I think what you do is you go around and you look your feedback sources and you ask yourself a few questions. The first one is what is their track record in that domain? If they demonstrated real expertise or confidence in the very skill you're asking for feedback on, the more they have, the more credible they tend to be. The ones who don’t I think are at serious risk for the Dunning Kruger effect, the unskilled and unaware of it, where people who are novices often are the most overconfident and the most likely to overestimate their skillset. So those are the people whose opinions usually want to discount. 

Then the other question is; how well do they know you? I will never forget when I was in grad school, my first semester, I was encouraged to seek out one professor who was supposed to really good at big picture career advice. So I emailed him — I cold email him and he wrote back and he said, “I’m happy to meet for coffee. Send me your resume and we’ll talk it over.”

I sat down with him and he said, “You are insane. You're doing four times more projects than you should be, and you get a cut 90% of this stuff or else you’re never even going to graduate, let alone get a job.” At first I was a little devastated, because I thought, “All right. This is a guy who has really excelled in this field, and so he has a lot of expertise.” But the more I thought about it, the more I realized, he didn’t know a thing about me. It was the first time we'd met. He'd never seen any of my work. He didn't have a sense of my motivation or my abilities. So how credible could he really be? I decided that I was going to make sort of my motivation in grad school day by day to prove Jim wrong. 

I actually would wake up about once a week and think, “Okay. How do I prove to Jim that in fact I could do all these projects?” That became a little bit of extra source of fuel when I got papers rejected or when I got negative feedback in the classroom to say, “All right. Yeah. This is not fun, but I still have to show Jim that I wasn't crazy.” I think that that how well do they know you, how credible are they not just on the field, but also on your work to me as it is a critical set of questions.

[0:21:53.6] MB: In your time with Ray and the work you did with Bridgewater, I'm curious, they’ve obviously build a kind of a radically different organization, which in many ways is created radically different results for what they've done and led them be so successful. What were kind of some of the simplest or most practical takeaways that you found that are kind of the, say, sort of from an 80/20 perspective, the easiest things to implement without completely upending the culture of an organization or the structure of your relationships?

[0:22:26.4] AG: Yeah. I'll give you — There were three things that I've actually taken away and applied in another organization that anybody could adopt pretty easily. The first one is that they really turn the idea of devil’s — Excuse me. They really turn the idea of devil’s advocates upside down. So the research on this by [inaudible 0:22:43.6] has been fascinating to me for a long time. What [inaudible 0:22:47.4] has shown is that what most people do when they're trying to get a different opinion is they assign somebody in the room to play the role of devil’s advocate, and when she gets grouped together to make decisions and she randomly assigns one person to advocate for a minority view, not only does it not help. On average, it makes the group more convinced of the majority opinion that they already liked. So it backfires. 

When you break down why, there’s sort of two mechanisms at play. One is that the person is just playing a role. So they don't take it seriously enough and they don’t argue forcefully enough. Two; everybody else knows they're playing a role. The rest of people and in that room sit there and say, “All right! Now we’ve heard the person playing devil’s advocate. Check! We can go right back to what we already believed,” and they just all shoot down the argument pretty quickly. 

Of course, you do need dissenting opinions, and what [inaudible 0:23:41.1] shows is that instead of assigning a devil’s advocate, you want to unearth a devil’s advocate. Find the genuine dissenter who authentically disagrees and invite that person to the conversation. If you do that, the group’s probability of making a good decision goes up. The person argues more passionately. The group gives more weight to it, because they know it's a real viewpoint. 

What I work with leaders on, what I often hear for pushback is what, “I get it. I want to hear that person's voice. But what if they’re wrong? What if I invite them into the conversation and they steer us in an unproductive direction?” I say good, because it gives me more research to do. No. I say good, because I am just so struck by the evidence that minority opinions improve decision-making creativity even when they’re incorrect. When you hear an authentic dissenter speak up, even if it's not the right view, it stimulates divergent thinking instead of convergent thinking, and that means that the group is more likely to reevaluate the decision process, go back and gather new information, update their sense of what the criteria are, and that’s good for decision quality and for original thinking even if it's not the right opinion to begin with. 

So going back to Bridgewater, one of the things they do is when they have a big decision to make, they actually will run a poll. It's an anonymous poll at first and they’ll ask, “Okay. How many people think we should do A, and how many people think we should do reverse A?” Then they get a sense of the distribution in the room and then they will invite three of the authentic dissenters to argue against three of the people who are supporting the decision. I think that’s such an effective way to surface the real dissent in the room and make sure it's valued and heard and considered seriously.” So that would be one. Do you want me to go through two others or you want to move forward?

[0:25:33.3] MB: I’d love to hear the other two strategies, yeah. 

[0:25:35.7] AG: Sure. I’ll try to talk shorter. I think I've been overly empowered by your statement that I should feel free to go very deep. 

[0:25:42.4] MB: No. Go deep. We want you to go deep. That’s why you’re here.

[0:25:46.5] AG: I feel like I’m rambling for a long time, but I’ll try to be a little more succinct here. So a second thing that I think is exciting at Bridgewater is — I mentioned they have this principle that no one has the right to hold a critical opinion without speaking about it. That's the opposite of what I've seen in most workplaces, where if you have a critical opinion, you have no right to speak up about it. But the challenge is to make that real, and the way that Bridgewater has done is they've actually extended their performance evaluations to include — You get rated on whether you are challenging your boss and sort of asserting your viewpoint, raising critical perspective even if they might — They have a term for this actually, which is it’s something like rubbing salt on the wound. I think that — Actually, I can say that more clearly. I will say they basically evaluate you on whether you're fighting for right, even when other people disagree. Are you willing to poke the bear a little bit if there’s a good reason to do it?

I think we could all do that, right? When we give people feedback, why not sit down with them and say, “You know what? I'm going to give you this feedback. I just wanted to let you know, one things I really value is people being willing to disagree with me.” Or when we start working with new colleagues to say right off the bat, “Hey, you know what? One of my favorite features of a collaboration is when somebody challenges my assumptions and my beliefs respectfully and thoughtfully,” and let's actually make that part of the way we evaluate the quality of our relationship, is are we having good healthy debate. 

Then the last thing that I think is pretty actionable for anybody from Bridgewater is they ask you to opt in you want a feedback. They say, “Look. We don’t want to work with somebody who says, “This process is not for me,” and we think you’re going to take it a lot better if you decided you want it.” 

I think so often we have feedback conversations, we don't do that. We’re so nervous about the discussion or we’re feeling guilty about hurting somebody's feelings, that we just whip off the Band-Aid and get it over with, as supposed to sort of opening the conversation by saying, “I noticed a few things and I was wondering if you wanted a few thoughts, or I'm trying to give more feedback to the people whose work I really value. I’ve been told I don't give enough critical feedback. I’ve been trying hard to come up with some. If you're interested, I’m happy to have that discussion and I’d love to hear your feedback too.” I think just initiating that opt-in process is something we can do every time we give feedback, and for that matter every time we receive it too. 

[0:28:34.6] MB: You’re probably listening to the show because you want to master new skills and abilities so that you can live a rich and rewarding life. That's why I'm excited to tell you once again about our loyal and amazing sponsor, Skillshare. Skillshare is an online learning community with over 16,000 classes in design, business and more. You can learn everything from logo design, to social media marketing, to street photography and you get unlimited access to all of these classes for a single low monthly price so you never have to pay per class again. 

They have some awesome courses on there that I personally love, everything from mastering Evernote, to mind mapping, to learning how to draw, or if you want to get a leg up on graphic design, social media, even your culinary knife skills, be sure to check out Skillshare

Skillshare is offering something incredible to our listeners; two months for just $0.99. You can get that by going to skillshare.com/success. That skillshare.com/success for two months of courses for just $0.99. Be sure to check that out. 

[0:29:41.5] MB: How to someplace like Bridgewater avoid almost a sort of paralysis by spending so much time arguing and debating and figuring out who's right, who's wrong, all these kind of pieces of the puzzle?

[0:29:55.2] AG: Well, I think that they believe that — It's funny. Bridgewater is a place where I think a lot of people arrive there and they're really frustrated by what they perceive is inefficiency. I remember watching one meeting where Ray did about — I don’t know. It must've been over an hour of a diagnosis of why a whiteboard was a few inches higher than that it was supposed to be. It had been in the wrong spot. He had requested it be moved, and then it wasn't in the right spot. They spent a huge amount of time diagnosing why that decision went wrong. I’ve looked at that thinking, “Are you people insane? Why would you spend all that time in that when you're managing $160 billion?” It’s not like the placement of a whiteboard has any real consequences for your work.” 

I have to say as I was debating this back-and-forth with Ray, he did change my mind on it, and he changed my mind in part, because one of the arguments he made reminded me of one of my favorite ideas in psychology. The idea — This is Walter Mischel. Mischel back in the 60s, this sort of devastating attack of personality psychology where he said, “Look. Personality traits don't predict behavior. We have the whole science trying to assess how extroverted you are and how anxious or emotionally stable or neurotic you are.” When you actually measure these traits, they do a terrible job predicting really anything that matters in your life choices or your success at work. 

Why do we have these? We have a rich social psychology that says, “The situation influences a lot of behavior and we’re all kind of — We manage to be different people in different situations, and personalities are not as important as we thought they were.” 

I have ever mentor, Brian Little, who’s referred to the aftermath as Mischel shock, because so many personality, psychologists all of a sudden felt like their life's work was under threat. There were all sorts of updates to that. First, we found out that personality is really bad at predicting one specific moment of behavior, but it’s actually pretty good at predicting aggregated behaviors. 

If I wanted to know, Matt, how you’re organized you’re going to be at 3 PM today, your personality is probably not going to tell me much about that. But if I wanted to know on average how organize you’re going to be for the next month every day at 3 PM, well, personality lot more useful then, right? Because we have a global trait, and that’s going to predict a pattern of behavior and not a specific instance of behavior, which is more like a blip. 

We got a bunch of updates to the idea that, actually, how much people fluctuate their behavior, that's a personality trait too. Mark Snyder called it self-monitoring. High self-monitors are the people who are constantly adapting to meet the expectations of the environment. Low self-monitors say, “This is who I am and I’m going to try to be the same person regardless of the circumstances,” and they’re driven more by their sort of internal compass than external accused. So you start to break that down and personality does a better job predicting the behaviors of low self- monitors than high self-monitors. 

What’s funny is after decades of this debate, Walter Mischel back around and said, “Actually, I got this wrong.” It’s not surprising that he came back with that, because he's a psychologist who did pioneering experiments on the marshmallow test where he found that the kids who were able to delay the gratification of eating one marshmallow at toddlers, in order to get two marshmallows about 15 minutes later did better in school and had more stable relationships as much as a dozen or so years later. 

He was a believer in individual differences, right? That ability to delay gratification and the exercise of control. That is a personality trait. So he comes back around and he says, “Actually, we’ve been thinking about personality all wrong. We should really think about personality as a set of if/then statement where we all have a bunch of them, which are our tendencies to be organized and disciplined, to be friendly, to be outgoing, to be open-minded, and so on. But those don't come out equally in every moment. They're different if that activate different thens, and we all have signatures. He said, if we really want to predict your behavior and understand what you're going to do in a given situation, we have to know what part of your personality that situation activates. 

So long detour away from Bridgewater, but this is where I landed with Ray. He said, “Look. The reason that I'm going to go and analyze a whiteboard placement is because situations repeat over and over again.” This tiny little decision of adjusting the height of a whiteboard is actually a microcosm of our decision-making process, and there's something about that if that activated the wrong then in the group of people who are supposed to fix it. 

So if I can get to the bottom of it and analyze it for a trivial decision, then maybe we can prevent that if then pattern from repeating. We can either activate a different if or we can find the people who have the right set of then to handle that issue that required a lot of attention to detail. I thought that was so interesting and it really got me thinking about how in fact all of our work and all of our lives are just the same kinds of situations repeating over and over again. We don’t see that because we tend to look at those situations through a microscope when we’re in them. We see all the idiosyncrasies of them. 

What we really should be doing is zooming out and looking at them through a telescope, which is when we’re able to see how this one argument that I'm having with a coworker is actually sort of triggered by the same fundamental disagreement that the last four were too. So I think that it seems like time wasted, but ultimately it's time well spent if you can help you change a whole pattern of behavior. Longest answer ever. 

[0:35:49.7] MB: No. That was great. You brought it all the way back around, which is awesome. It's funny, one of the things that we talk a lot about on the show and I’m a huge believer in people like you and Ray Dalio obviously, kind of help shape that thinking as well. But is this idea that we — I call it kind of the art of decision-making, but basically if you really hone your ability to make better decisions, it cascades through everything in your life, whether you're buying a car, a new house, business decisions, making an investment, etc. I almost look at it as if you're harnessing the power of compounding by getting better at making decisions. It's sort of cascades through everything that you do from that point forward. 

[0:36:27.3] AG: I love the idea of talking about that in terms of compounding. It never occurred to me to use that language for it, and I think that's exactly what you're doing. By investing and improving your decision-making skills, you're accumulating more and more interest on that investment over time. If you don't do it, if you just treat each situation as completely different from all the others, then you really fail to learn anything from the last [inaudible 0:36:53.0] that might apply to tomorrow’s. 

[0:36:54.9] MB: Yeah. I think that's a really, really good insight. The other thing that I think is great, and your analogy with personality was really relevant, but this whole notion, there's a lot of different systems where you might have a really kind of a large amount of randomness in the short term, but the kind of outcome is really predictable and aggregate. If you look at everything from kind of poker, right? If you're making positive decisions, positive expected value decisions, in the short term, you might end up losing a bunch of hands are going broke, but over a long time horizon, that variance kind of evens out. 

If you look at something like whether, it was kind of the distinction between weather versus climate. It’s really hard to predict sort of short-term variations in the weather, but over time, over a longer time horizon, the climate is actually extremely predictable. So I think that's a great analogy and almost, really, a really relevant mental model to think about as well. 

[0:37:42.1] AG: Yeah. I think it's a mental model that we should all use more often to say, “Look. Any time you have a model, you should be trying to predict the outcome — You should be trying to predict an aggregate of the outcome. You want to predict a pattern of behavior. You want to predict what the climate is going to do over multiple years, as opposed to multiple hours.” 

Brian Little, the personality psychologists, mentioned earlier, he said that he thinks that often one of the things that actually both frustrated me and hooked me on psychology was when Brian said, “Look. I think we have the wrong model often when we’re trying their think about what psychology is supposed to do. We’re not doing physics. We’re not doing sort of hard science. We’re doing social science,” and people are much, much more complicated in the sense that we don't operate by stable laws. There’s no law of gravity governing my decision-making process. 

So he said he actually felt the best model for our field would be meteorology, that predicting human behavior is at least as hard as predicting the weather if you look at all the complex factors interacting to affect it. I hated that it first, but the more I thought about it, the more interesting it became as a puzzle. If we could get a little bit better at predicting human behavior, then we could probably make fewer awful choices and we can try to use our knowledge of psychology to help people live better lives. 

[0:39:11.6] MB: I mean, that makes me think of Charlie Monger, who’s one of my all-time favorite thinkers. It's funny, because you talk about and he writes a lot about kind of building this toolkit of mental models across a huge array of academic disciplines, and that sounds very kind of amorphous and ethereal, but that's a perfect example of really concretely bringing that to bear in the sense that if you study meteorology, there's actually some really practical applications for how to think about psychology and how to think about applying psychology to making better decisions and living your life. 

[0:39:42.3] AG: Yeah. It just can't tell me whether I should wear a raincoat today. 

[0:39:45.7] MB: That's right. This is going to be kind of a hard segue, but I want to get into some other kind of really important concepts and talk about them briefly. One of the things that you wrote about in Originals that I think is, to me, kind of one of the really important kind of fundamental conclusions was this notion of output and how that kind of impacts originality and creativity. Could you talk a little bit about how the power of having bad ideas and creating kind of prolific output is really important in being an original?

[0:40:16.3] AG: Yeah. There’s a psychologist, Dean Simonton, who put this idea on the map. He studied what he calls is creative productivity, which is basically both the quantity and the quality of creative output. But he doesn’t just study it among ordinary people. He does this historiographic analyses of eminent creative people throughout their lives and across centuries. 

He studied Shakespeare, and Edison and Picasso and compared them to their peers to try to figure out what makes them different. He had this finding that sort of knocked me out of my chair when I first read it. I was reading his research and he said, in a nutshell, that the more bad ideas you have, the more creative you are. I read that and I thought, “What? How could this be true?” 

I thought I always had this vision of creative people as dreaming up there masterpiece and then going and executing on it. Not really tinkering with a bunch of other possibilities, right? It’s hard to imagine that Shakespeare didn't immediately know Romeo and Juliet or Hamlet as he envisioned it, or the moment it struck him, that he didn’t know that’s the one. 

What Simonton shows very clearly in his data and now we have experiments also showing that it’s s true for ordinary people, not just sort of outlier original thinkers, is a huge part of creativity is the volume of ideas that you generate. Part of that is because we’re too close to our own ideas to judge them accurately. 

One of the studies that Simonton sort of launched and [inaudible 0:41:52.8] and others had followed up on is Beethoven is a self-critic. You have roughly 70 of Beethoven's compositions where he actually wrote letters to people who knew him well, like his friends and contemporaries, evaluating his own work. So he got a sense of what kind of self-critic he was. He committed lots of false positives where he thought a composition was brilliant and the expert really didn't think it was particularly great. Then also committed plenty of false negatives, where he said, “Yeah, I'm really not happy with this work,” and it became a classic. 

You see form that work and lots of subsequent research that we are often too close to our own ideas to judge them just like we’re too close to our own minds sometimes to see them clearly. You need lots of ideas just because you can't trust your own judgment. You also need lots of ideas because your first idea is rarely your best idea. The first idea that you have is usually the easiest one to think of. It’s either sort of a rare Eureka moment or something that's relatively simple and obvious. 

You want those second, third and fourth thoughts. Simonton was able to show this between creatives. So if you look at Beethoven, Bach and Mozart, one of the things that differentiates them from their peers as they produced not just a few more, but hundreds more compositions, into the 600 and 700. At least in Bach’s case, I think about a thousand, when most of their peers we’re in the sort of below a hundred range. And there's a really nice linear relationship — number of compositions that you do in a lifetime and your eventual greatness. 

I think that's because the more of those variations you run, the more experiments you try, the more likely you are to stumble on to something that's truly original. We see this in all kinds of domains. So a couple colleagues, Christian [inaudible 0:43:48.1] and Carl Ulrich, who studied people trying to create new products. They look at these innovation tournaments where you just have people submit ideas and then peers and subject matter experts vote on them and the question is; which of them are most promising? And then you advance in then the next round and eventually bet on some ideas. They found that a typical brainstorming session might produce 10 to 20 ideas, but you don’t max out on quality and in originality until you have about 200 ideas on the table, which is why you see that when Pixar makes a movie like Cars, they will consider about 500 scripts. It’s why you'll see when Fisher-Price makes a toy, they’ll consider about 4,000 concepts before honing in on a final 12. You need a very, very, very big haystack to have a better shot at finding a needle. 

[0:44:36.9] MB: I love the kind of example from Beethoven, and I think Simonton wrote about this, this similar corollary, that idea, which is basically that even the most creative and successful people, these kind of creative geniuses, etc., had essentially zero predictive ability to determine whether their next kind of project would succeed or not, which I just found fascinating. 

[0:44:59.2] AG: Yeah. That turns out to be an individual difference too, right? Some people turn out to be more accurate self-critics than others, but no one is anywhere near perfect. I have a former student, Justin Berg, who wanted to follow up on that and figure out how we can all improve our creative forecasting skills. 

He studied circus artists, I think Cirque du Soleil. He got over 100 of them to submit videos of brand-new acts that had never been seen before, and then he had different groups rate them, actually have them rank them. So groups got to watch a bunch of different videos, ranked them from best to worst, and then he sent them out to over 13,000 audience members. Not only had the audiences evaluate them, he also had the audiences donate their own money if they wanted to the performers as an indication of would you pay to see this person in action? 

He found that the worst judges of the performances were the circus artists themselves judging their own act. They would they would say things like, “This my act. How could it not be amazing?” It was just too easy for them to fall in love with their work. But then he went to managers. They are the gatekeepers. It's their job to pick ideas. He found that they were almost as bad as the circus performers themselves, and they’re bad for the opposite reason. Instead of being too positive, they tended to be too negative. Especially on the truly original ideas, they were disproportionately likely to reject the most promising, most novel ideas. 

I think that seems to happen for two reasons. One is cute incentives. If you bet on a bad idea, everyone it will know and it could embarrass your career. Whereas if you reject a good idea, no one will ever find out. At some level you say, “All right. Am I going to stick my neck out for an unproven idea, or am I going to play it safe and just pass up this this weird idea?”

The other thing that happened to managers was they tend to build a prototype through years of experience. So they would say, “All right. When I see a new idea, I’m going to compare it to all the ideas that have worked before,” and the more different it was, the more likely they were to reject. But that doesn’t make any sense. If you're trying to be original, what's been successful in the past is as best, be relevant and it might even be negatively correlated with what’s going to work tomorrow, which is why you see examples like Seinfeld and Harry Potter getting rejected by industry executives, because you can't make a sitcom about nothing where no one likes any of the characters. You can't write a children's book that that’s long, and it turns out that the people deepest in the industry are the most blind to ways that you can deviate from the prototypes. 

And so [inaudible 0:47:31.2], well who can you trust? If you can trust yourself and you can't trust your boss, who do you go to? He found a third group that was excellent at creative forecasting, which was creative peers, circus artists judging each other's ideas. They had this great sort of distance so they could tell you, “That act where you dress up like a clown, don't do that. No one likes clowns.” Which is actually a data point in the study; Clowns Are Universally Hated. But there's also the flip of that, which is unlike the managers, these creative peers are really invested in seeing new ideas takeoff. So instead of looking at an idea and saying, “Eew! That's weird.” They would look at it and say, “Huh! That’s weird,” and they're much more likely to give it a chance. 

Actually two quick things that Justin discovered which I think are really powerful is, one, you can get other people if your boss is not open to ideas, you can open your boss's mind. Before your boss judges other people's ideas, just have your boss spend five minutes brainstorming him or herself. That five minutes of brainstorming is enough to take your boss out of sort of an evaluative mindset where they're looking for reasons to say no and into a more open, creative mindset where they're looking for reasons to say, “Maybe.” 

Then the other thing is Justin wanted to improve people's judgment of their own ideas. So one of his experiments, he had people — They generated 10 to 15 ideas and then they had to rank them from favorite to least favorite, and he found that your most promising idea is not on average the one you rank first. It's the one you rank second. That first idea is the one that you are still passionate about that you just can't see it clearly. 

Whereas idea number two, you have a little bit more distance, a little more objectivity and you're more likely to recognize the flaws, but also have enough enthusiasm about the idea to try to fix the flaws. So I realized that some people are probably going to try to game the system and say, “Wait. I’m just going to take my favorite idea and call it my second favorite and then I'll be good,” and that doesn't work. But I think there's something to be said for your next favorite idea as one that has a lot of potential. 

[0:49:38.3] MB: What would be one piece of homework that you would give as kind of a concrete action steps for listeners to implement some of the things we’ve talked about today?

[0:49:46.9] AG: Oh! I think if I were going to give one piece of homework, I would say start by evaluating your challenge network. So think about the people who’ve given you the best critical feedback throughout your career or throughout your life and ask yourself, “Okay. First, who are those people? Secondly, how do I build in a regular system of engaging them to benefit from their criticism knowing that I trust the quality of their feedback and that I believe they care about helping me improve?” I guess my version of this is whenever I write an article, I have my challenge network that I send it to for feedback. There are four or five people there are sort of go-to sources, and then I know they will tell me what arguments don't make sense, what ideas are not interesting. I also know that they care about helping me write better articles. So they’ll also say, “You know, in that last paragraph, there’s actually a gem here that you should written the whole article about it.” Then I have my work cut out for me. I think if you identify your challenge network and then you create a system or a process for engaging them regularly for feedback, you will become less defensive and more open and you’ll also get better information. 

[0:51:00.4] MB: Where can listeners find you and your work online?

[0:51:03.8] AG: It's kind of you to ask. For anyone who’s motivated to do that, at adamgrant.net I have everything I’ve have ever published up there. You can download lot of articles and TED Talks. I do a free monthly newsletter called Granted on work in psychology where I answer and read questions and then I also share some of my favorite articles of the month. Then I guess for anybody who’s into podcast, which I suspect is everyone here. For people who are excited to add more podcasts to their listening schedule, Work Life is now available everywhere you get a podcast. It's just like all the good ones, free. 

[0:51:42.2] MB: Well, Adam, thank you so much for coming on the show. Incredible insights, wisdom, so many things that I would've loved to go deeper on, but so much valuable information and really, really appreciate your time and your insights. 

[0:51:53.6] AG: It was a pleasure to be here. Thank you for asking such interesting and thought-provoking questions. I really will work hard to cut my answers in half next time.

[0:52:01.3] MB: All right. Cool. 

[0:52:02.5] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you, our listeners, master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story or just say hi, shoot me an email. My email is matt@successpodcast.com. That's matt@successpodcast.com. I'd love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener email. 

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March 29, 2018 /Lace Gilger
Best Of, Decision Making
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The Scientific Search for The Self - Discovering Who You Truly Are with Dr. Robert Levine

March 22, 2018 by Lace Gilger in Mind Expansion

In this episode we approach the concept of the self from a concrete perspective, not in an abstract philosophical way. What do the hard sciences like biology and physics say about the existence of the self? Does the “self” exist from a psychological perspective? What does the science say and what does that mean for ourselves, our future, and how we think about change and self improvement? We explore the scientific search for the self with Dr. Robert Levine. 

Dr. Robert Levine is a professor of psychology and former dean of the College of Science and Mathematics at California State University. Robert is the bestselling author of Geography of Time, Stranger in the Mirror, and The Power of Persuasion, which has been translated into eight languages. His work has been featured in The New York Times, NPR, CNN, and more!

  • Is our current conception of “the self” accurate?

  • The hard sciences demonstrate that there is not one, single, conception of the self

  • The boundaries that we imagine divide us from the rest of the world are vague, porous, and sometimes non existent

  • The self is a changeable object and we have control over changing it

  • When does the self become the non-self?

  • A huge portion of our body is bacteria - does that constitute part of the self?

  • From a psychological perspective, we do not have a single personality or self

  • Who are you?

  • Approaching the concept of the self in a real way, not in an abstract philosophical way

  • What do virtual body parts have to do with the perception of the self?

  • What are the consequences of the lack of a concrete, definitive, self?

  • Your mind can be tricked, despite knowing that it’s being tricked

  • Context and situation often determine your behavior moreso than your personality / self

  • The interconnectedness of everything / are we actually separated from the universe / what is the “boundary” of the self?

  • Where do our thoughts, decisions, and ideas come from?

  • The notion from early psycho-neurology that your brain decides before we are aware that we have decided

  • The self versus the non-self

  • Where do our thoughts, desires, and impulses come from?

  • The boundary between ourselves and others is vague & malleable

  • How do we use the fluidity of the self to reshape and edit ourselves?

  • We are multiple personalities and selves - and this allows for and creates real possibilities for change

  • What are the implications of this fluidity of the self?

  • We can actualize the possibilities within our multiple and complex understanding of self-hood to create positive change in our lives

  • We are the “editors” of our own lives and “selves”

  • Creating positive change in your life requires thinking for self, introspection, and self honesty

  • The lowest hanging fruit for keeping track of your “self” and editing to become the person you want to be

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SHOW NOTES, LINKS, & RESEARCH

  • [Personal Site] Robert Levine

  • [Book] Stranger in the Mirror: The Scientific Search for the Self (Revised) by Robert V. Levine

Episode Transcript


[00:00:06.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:12.1]  MB: Welcome to the Science of Success, the number one evidence based growth podcast on the internet with more than a million downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries. 

In this episode, we approach the concept of the self, from a concrete perspective, not in an abstract or philosophical way. What are the hard sciences like biology and physics say about the existence of the self?

Does the self, exist from a psychological perspective? What does the science say and what does it mean for ourselves, our future and how we think about change and self-improvement? We explore the scientific search for the self with Dr. Robert Levine.

I’m going to give you three quick reasons why you should join our email list today by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the home page. There’s some amazing stuff that’s only available to our email subscribers, so be sure you signup, join the email list today by going to successpodcast.com, signing up right on the home page. One, you’re going to get an awesome free guide that we created based on listener demand called how to organize and remember everything.

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In our previous episode, we discussed how your environment plays a tremendous role in shaping who you are, we looked at how personality develops and what underscores it. We talked about how you can engineer your own environment to make yourself more productive and effective. 

Examine how to battle self-sabotage and much more with our guest Benjamin Hardy. If you want to understand how a few simple changes can make a huge impact on your life, listen to that episode. Now for the show.

[0:02:53.4] MB: Today, we have another exciting guest on the show, Dr. Robert Levine. Bob is a professor of psychology and former Dean of the College of Science and Mathematics at California state university. He’s the bestselling author of The Geography of Time, Stranger in the Mirror and The Power of Persuasion which has been translated in over eight languages, his work has been featured in the New York Times, NPR, CNN and more. Bob, welcome to the Science of Success.

[0:03:19.0] RL: Good morning to you Matt.

[0:03:19.8] MB: Well, we’re very excited to have you on the show today. I’d love to start out, Stranger in the Mirror is a fascinating book and I’d like to begin with the concept of the self, you know, we talk a lot, even on the show about self-knowledge, self-control, et cetera.

But you have a really interesting perspective on sort of what the self is and isn’t. Would you tell us a little bit about kind of how you got into questions of the self and sort of what some of the current conceptions of self are and how they may be thought?

[0:03:50.5] RL: I’m a social psychologist and for those of you who are not familiar with that discipline, we look at the ways the person and situations and how the grand mantra is that often, the time and place you find yourself in, dictate the way you’re going to act and feel more than the type of person that you are.

As such, I’ve always seen the self as a malleable thing. We know which study of your study where we see people otherwise good people in bad, in difficult situations can sometimes act badly and vice versa. That’ show it started for me, you know, the whole notion that we have a lot of different selves inside of ourselves and these different salves can come out in different ways but what happened with, this is just the most interesting project, I’m not going to say it’s the most interesting book that people to decide, it’s the most interesting project I’ve been involved in. Every place that I turn was looking for these notions of the self in other areas. I was just stunned by what I found. You know, for example, I started to look in biology and I found that the biologists also have this, their general finding is that were all multiple sales, we’re literally made up of different types of DNA.

You find that when you’re looking culture, you find out you’re looking different cultures where people tend to define what a self is differently. We see it historically. The grand lesson that I started, I began to see everywhere is that the boundaries that we imagine and ourselves, no pun intended that the divide us what’s us and what’s none us are really vague and it can be some really odd ways that we draw these lines and we need to draw these lines in order to get us through the night and the fact that the self is a most changeable object and that we have some control over this to a large extent, we can control – we can at least encourage the parts of our – the type of self or the type of self that we want to come out in different situations and to discourage  the ones that we don’t want to come out. 

I know that’s a long rambling answer but you know, when you ask a question about what’s my idea of the self, you’re inviting long rambling answers.

[0:06:19.4] MB: That’s what we like on the show, that’s great. I want to kind of unpack a couple of these different notions of the self from everything from sort of the self, of kind of a biological, physical sense, this self, it’s like a logical perspective and even the self from a cultural or social perspective. 

Let’s start with kind of biology and the hard sciences, you know, from a physical sense. Does the self, exist as a separate sort of system from everything else?

[0:06:47.9] RL: Sort of, you can do - one certainly knows that there’s something about their physical corpus that’s different from the physical courses of the person standing next to them but when you start to look at the boundaries, it can be quite challenging.

For example, you know, let’s imagine a slightly disgusting thought experiment but you know, think of the saliva that’s in your mouth right now. I would ask and I ask you is that saliva part of you, is that part of your self and you know, you show up and I don’t usually answer would be ‘yes’.

Now let’s imagine that I give you a sterile cup and I ask you to spit in that cup and that saliva is now outside of you, right? It’s not you. Now, let’s say, how about – would you like to take your self back? Would you like to drink that stuff back in?

I suspect that doesn’t look too tempting to you. You know, when did that self, become non self? At what point did it become non self? We could see it just that way in that kind of in time way, where your skin is part of yourself and it starts to die, at what point does it become non self?

Then we see it in more fundamental ways. If we look, biologists look inside of yourself and we find that a large part of our body weight and our body volume consist of bacteria and other entities that stay with us that are necessarily part of us that keep us alive and they have their own DNA. We literally are made up of different DNA.

They have their own reproductive system. We’re literally part, when we draw that line between self and non self, certainly, to a biologist, our self is our DNA, the purpose of life is to perpetuate our DNA. Then we actually find that we have some DNA traces of other people, we are mothers, there are parts of our mother’s DNA that are moved into the child after the child is born.

That’s just the beginning of it. Then I mean, there are people who are literally chimeras, who are human chimeras, who have patch works of different DNAs in their body. You know, if you take a sample in their elbow, it might be one be, one set of chromosomes and you go to your shoulder, it might be a different step and then go to their face and it’s back to the first set.

People who are literally biologically two people. That scratching the surface of the ambiguities of what’s self, what’s not self, who are we on that very basic, as you put it, hard science level. This is before we get to the vagaries of social psychologist.

[0:09:57.2] MB: I think another sort of aspect of the kind of hard physical sciences. You know, when you dig down and look at things like the structure of cells or even molecules. There’s such a diverse sort of confluence, adaptive, nature of all these different things going on that in many ways, you know, kind of exist almost separate from what we would consider ourselves.

[0:10:21.0] RL: You’re absolutely right, I mean, if we really start to dig into the biology of it, we see these levels and depths of different cells within cells within cells or the entire, these entire ecosystems, you know, you have parasite that are a wonderful example. You know, we’re – something, this thing enters your body and it sometimes develop a bubble, an encompassing bubble around itself and it could remain inside you. Inside you for years sometimes, the clever ones know how to, they’ll setup camp inside yourself. They live inside yourself. Are they you? Are they something else? You live within that world that they’ve created, you’ll be parasites within parasites. This is the reality of being a human being.

Obviously, it’s not too functional to think about these kinds of things all the time. I think there’s a good Darwinian reason that we developed these narratives that tell us that we are a certain person, we have a self. This self is distinct form other self that there are some consistency in the self, it’s some continuity in the self. If we can’t connect those thoughts, I think that it would be very difficult for us to move on.

[0:11:44.3] MB: Let’s look at it now from kind of a psychological perspective, do we have a single self, you know, from sort of a psychological stand point?

[0:11:54.4] RL: Are we all whacko multiple personalities? That I think, that’s the rest of your question. We don’t have a single self. I think anybody who has a single self who has always been the same and remains the same with different people in different situations is somebody who has some other serious problems. You know, just think of yourself, think about if I ask you the question, “Who am I?” In fact, there’s a psychological test where you can do that, all right, write the questions, “Who am I?”  Question on top of the page, put down numbers one through 20 and scribble down the first 20 answers. 

Now let’s try it a little different way, let’s ask “Who am I?” you know, who are you and how would your best friend answer that and then let’s have another list where one of your parents, how would they answer it? How would your lover answer this?

Now let’s compare the list and where do we – where do you similarities in the list? Where do you see differences in the list? Well, where we see these differences is it just because the other person wants to see it through their own filters, you know, for example, might it be that you described yourself as an independent person, your best friend described you as an individual person but your mother describes you as somebody who is a very needy, dependent person?

Is that because your mother is just never going to see you as an independent person? Or, is it that you act somewhat differently when you’re around your mother? Once you start to collect these things, you think, who is the person that you are when you’re with your mother? 

Who is the person you are when you’re with your lover? Who is the person that you are when you’re ordering food in a restaurant? I think that if you’re a, quote, normal person, they’re going to be very different people. I would suggest if you’re on this kind of track, something that I always find interesting to do and I like to do. I like to ask my students to do now is okay, collect these people, collect that person who is a student in the class, their mother or whatever. Invite them all over for dinner, have them sit around the table and what do you think, how much would they have in common?

What would they say to each other? Would they get along? Would they like each other? The answers to these questions, I believe, can be informative to the person who is asking them.

In addition, when we think about the different people that we are, if one thinks about it, think about as historically, think of yourself as a five year old. Think of yourself as a 10 year old, 15 year old and on. I think – and if I ask you, well, is that you? You know, that’s somebody asked me, is that Bob Levine? Yes, of course that’s Bob Levine.

But, how much do I have in common with that person? I think in most cases, we have much less in common with the person that we were when we’re a young child than we do with any random person our own age. How is it that we make that connection and how about the person that we imagine ourselves becoming?

Our future self? How do we put those things together, how do we waive that kind of narrative together and we do. It’s a way of creating, of keeping our sanity but I think it also, when we just – you start to think that way. It opens up possibilities for allowing ourselves to create the person or the people that we want to be.

Again, apologies for a long rambling answer but it’s a big topic.

[0:15:53.7] MB: I want to look at a couple experiments that you’ve talked about that kind of demonstrates from sort of a physical but also psychological perspective, how the concept itself can be a very malleable, let’s start with the rubber hand experiment?

[0:16:08.5] RL: Yeah, the rubber hand. You know what? I’m going to – a slightly, a different variation on the rubber hand experiment. If it’s okay, in fact, if you want to ask me about the experiment that I experienced with a virtual body parts in Sweden or I could just stay – 

[0:16:26.1] MB: Yeah, that’s perfect, I was going to ask you about that one as well. Tell us about that?

[0:16:31.1] RL: Okay, because the other one, the rubber hand one, it gets really confusing to try to do it verbally, I’ve been through that before. 

Yeah, this was, as I was doing research for this book, I was trying to talk to, I wanted to meet with as many people who were approaching the topic of the self in a real way, not in an abstract, philosophical way but in ways that I could take home for myself in different sciences and I visited with a research team at the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm, the Karolinska Institute which gives out the Nobel prize of these were a couple of neuroscientists who, doing these studies on virtual body parts which I know sounds kind of kinky but it was anything but. They allowed me to be a subject in the experiment. The main experiment which I’ll try to describe, consisted of myself and a – I’m an older white male, she was the experimenter was an attractive, early, 30 something European woman, a Swedish woman. We looked completely different. 

The way she set it up was we both got our bodies into, we held them in the same position and most importantly, my right arm was in the same visual position to me as her right arm was to her.

When she looked down at her right arm, she would see an arm in the same position as what happened to me when I looked down on my right arm. Then she fitted us both with these video helmets and goggles and her helmet was a video recorder. My helmet was a video receiver.

What would happen is, I would see exactly what she was seeing. She looked down, she would look down at her arm and she saw her arm and she then had me look down at my arm but what I would see was, I would also be seeing her arm. I would be seeing her arm in the same position where my arm should have been.

It was just the oddest feeling to look down at my arm, this old white guy’s arm and to see this young woman’s arm. But here’s the odd thing about it. The oddest thing about it was that, I immediately took mental ownership of that arm. That appeared to be my arm.

Then, what she did was had us, we stood up, still looking at our arm and we shook hands. Now, you know, if you shake somebody’s hand, you look into two hands but you feel as if – the sensation in your hand. Now, I’m looking down there and I’m shaking her hand and I’m looking down at her hand where my hand should be and we’re wondering where am I going to feel as the sensation?

Well, I felt it quite clearly in the hand that I was looking at. What made it even odder was that that hand was shaking, appeared to be shaking my hand. It talked about, as virtual body parts, it’s switching virtual body parts. And what happens is, I turn out to be a very typical case she said, she said, guys who do this, almost always, they’re accepting of this new arm.

Almost everybody I believe, I forgot the percentages in the high 90 percentages, people take mental ownership of the arm that they appear to be seeing. This is just how malleable we are. You know, we think of ourselves as having, this is my body, this is your body. But we could play each of those games with ourselves that - where you wanted very quickly will take mental ownership of a different body. 

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[0:23:39.7] RL: Tell me a little bit more about that, what exactly does mental ownership mean and how did you perceive that?

[0:23:45.7] MB: Well, it might be we have a lot of toggling, field ground toggling. That’s what happened. I imagine what would happen is that here, I’ve got two sets of some patients coming together. I have the physical sensation which is connected to my arm.

You know, I know what my arm feels like, at any one moment, when I felt it, I know what my arm feels like and then I have the visual sensation which is looking down at that arm and I’m seeing somebody else’s arm. I had predicted, I thought that I was going to toggle back and forth and I was going to talk and feel, this is my arm, this is her arm. It was immediate and total that I felt that this was the arm what I was looking at, Martina’s arm was my arm. 

It was just an odd feeling. I knew it wasn’t right but that’s what it felt like. That has taken that next step when I’m shaking hands with my own hand and it was comical but I felt this sensation in her hand, in the hand that I was looking at.

It’s hard for me to explain it too much more but I think that you can draft some consequences of this and perhaps have these sorts of things are useful and when we talk about empathy with a person. Well, this is creating empathy with another person’s arm.

You know, what happens, at the time, we did these experiments by the way, this was a few years ago, we had these big helmets on, now you don’t need these big helmets. In fact, they’re now, with first, Google Glass and now I believe Microsoft has their own product or Apple has their own glass that’s coming out now. And people are developing little contact lenses that you could put on that are actually video receivers so you don’t even feel like you have any equipment on but you’re seeing what somebody else is seeing.

You know, imagine if I wanted to generate empathy with another person. Say I’m a couple’s counselor. And couples counselors are a long time has used a role modeling and taking and trying to un-match that the person that you are talking to is you and vice-versa, trying to take the role of the other person. What would it be like now to come in with your significant other who you’re trying to work, you try to learn to communicate with better, you put on the contact lenses and you look in front of you and you see yourself and you feel that you are the other person, wouldn’t this be a powerful way of empathizing? 

Being able to understand the way this person is seeing you, how bad if you want to be able to get over your prejudices, your racism? What would it be like if one looks out and sees yourself and look down at yourself, at your own arm and see an arm of a different color or an arm of somebody who has maybe a physical disability? How far can we push it? To what extent are we going to be if we play these games with ourselves? Are we able to just encompass another person? 

[0:27:15.7] MB: It’s interesting, I think one of the most fascinating points about that research is that the felt sensation of sort of having a different person’s arm happens regardless of or despite the fact that you know that it’s happening, right? Your mind is being tricked despite the fact that it knows it’s being tricked. 

[0:27:33.8] RL: Yep, absolutely. I mean I found myself laughing at myself. In fact at one point, I was in shape up to get really inappropriate. Her name was Martina and I said, “Martina, I just want you to know that I love being inside your arm.” Fortunately I stopped myself or it would have created an uncomfortable situation but yeah, it was the machine, these mindsets that we have, these little mechanisms. This is the way they work and if you understand the way they work it gives you some power over them. 

You know, I started talking about the notion of the power of the situation that there are certain times, certain places, you arrange the situation it will bring out something in you. This is a very specific example that if I play around and if I can create a certain visual field for you and if I give you certain other cues, I can get you to feel a certain way. Well why not do that for ourselves? Once we understand these mechanisms and sometimes they are very personal. Sometimes studies can show generally how things happen but also they are very personal. We could study ourselves and find out in what situation, with what people, doing what activities, how does it make us feel? 

And once we understand these connections then we have some control over these situations we’d like to put ourselves in. The kind of people we’d like to be with and often, I would suggest to you that when – I would suggest to our listeners that when you start to make these lists that sometimes the answers you get are counter intuitive. 

You might think, “Oh this is somebody I really want to get to know,” this is everybody wants to get close to this person or everybody wants this woman or everybody wants this man. But you find that every time you leave that person, you feel just disenergized and maybe there’s somebody else there that you just don’t haven’t thought about as being the kind of person that people want to know, but you find, “You know, every time I walk away from a conversation with that person I feel good about it.” 

If you can take note about these kinds of things then you’d do some control over, how can we put it? Putting out - creating this sort of self that we like to live with. 

[0:30:18.1] MB: I want to explore that question more deeply and the implications of this fluidity of the concept of the self and what that means for changing ourselves but before we do, one of the other components that I am curious from your perspective on is the idea of the interconnectedness of everything, right? This I think stems originally from the hard sciences and expands more broadly but I think it ties really neatly into the work you’ve done around the self. 

And essentially the way I think about this is that if you look at any given – you know let’s start with the person as a physical being, you couldn’t exists if it weren’t for the laws of physics, the environment that you are currently in, the earth itself, all the processes that had to go into the creation of that planet, the hundreds of thousands of years of evolution of every single person and organism in the chain of biology that ended up in your creation. And then the other perspective of the personality, quote unquote, wouldn’t really exists without the personalities of every person you’ve ever interacted with in every situation you have ever encountered and so at a very real sort of physical and scientific sense, the self in a unique individual personality that we have control over, I feel like almost melts away. 

[0:31:35.4] RL: I’m laughing because I think one has to be a little careful when we start to talk about these things. It’s a little bit like that old Woody Allen line where you could take a philosophy class and by the end of the semester, the professor has convinced everybody that they didn’t exist and you know - but if we think about our thoughts, I mean what are the ideas that run through our brains when you get up in the morning and we do something. 

We take action, anybody who meditates knows about this is quite aware of this narrative that this narrative flow that is going through our brain. We make decisions as we go along, where do our ideas come from? We know we move into another science some early psycho-neurology work where people would hook subjects up to now would be an FMRI and ask them to, at their leisure, to decide when to touch their finger to a certain point in the wall. 

And they developed methods where they could monitor exactly the moment that the person touched the wall and that the individual could monitor the moment that they made the decision and naturally, there is a bit of a time lapse between when one makes a decision and when the finger moves to the wall. But what was more interesting is that there’s a spike in neural activity up to a rate of under the spike in neural activity before the person is aware of making the decision. So it’s as if it’s not a dip, our brains decide before we are aware that we decided. 

Now is this to say that we’re not the ones who are actually deciding and - or how do we make sense of the brains of ours? And how are they related to us? And this I believe is where you’re comments are most helpful that everything we’ve experienced, everything we’ve experienced overtime, everything we’ve experienced in the broadest sense, the people we’ve met, the genes we’ve inherited. The culture we’ve inherited. That these all somehow – these had been passed down and they’re all behind that curtain. Where the ideas are generated. 

Which is not to say that the self of awareness has no control. You know we’re not just the engines that are driven but we need to accept the fact that the work is going on behind the curtain. The work is going on under the surface. And once we do that, I think that self in awareness, the one that we usually identify with as our real self, we could serve that that serves. We can make some decisions and we can decide what situations we’re going to put ourselves in or we can try to direct ourselves as best we can to you know, “I would prefer not to think about these kinds of things. I don’t like what I did yesterday. I really hope that I could have a better attitude towards this person tomorrow,” and to some extent, I think we can achieve some successes that way but this is that curiosity of just again brings us back to the self versus the non-self. 

Because if we think about where these things thoughts come from, these thoughts in our brain, where were they created? How would these neural connections established? And in large parts, they are going to be the people that we’ve met. The people that we raised with and the important people in our lives. So in that way, others are literary part of us. There is that the boundary between our self and others is vague. It’s vague, it’s malleable and although we find it, it’s so important for us to draw that line. 

To see ourselves as the unique self, to see ourselves as a discrete entity. It’s just the story we tell ourselves.

[0:36:25.2] MB: Some fascinating thoughts and I want to go down the rabbit hole of consciousness and how it plays into this but I want to first look at, and come back to this idea of editing ourselves and reshaping ourselves and the notion that because the self is so, sort of, malleable and fluid that we’re not necessarily fixed or locked into our existing patterns of thought and behavior.

[0:36:52.5] RL: Yeah and once you recognize the fact that you are different people in different situations that you can often behave in ways that you’ve never imagined you are going to act. It can be a little threatening at first to think that we are multiple personalities and not only that but there’s these personalities under the surface that are waiting to come out, put yourself in the person and ends up in a new role, they end up in a new relationship and you turn into a different person. 

And how many of these personalities are underneath the surface and it can make one feel like maybe it’s time for us all to just pack up and go to the beach. But I would suggest that it is something very different that really if you take control of it then it allows you whole possibilities and to some extent, we can actualize the possibilities. We can think about the kind of person that we want to be, well that’s a person we want to be called and the person we want to be in this situation. 

You know, “I am going to be going for a job interview, this is how I want to be. I am going to be meeting up with this other person later in the day.” This is how I want to be and it can be – we have a tendency I think in our or whatever it means to say we’re in an American culture, we have a tendency to think well that kind of reeks the phoniness but that’s what it is to be a human being and I think that it gives us some control and I like that term ‘editor’. 

It works for me, you know you’re not going to be the one who generates the information, but it can encourage the right kind of information and you know, if you are a good reader you can – it just needs a little bit of work and gee, let’s see if we can bring out something slightly different and I find it to be a very exciting idea. You know what? It’s just full of possibilities.

[0:38:50.8] MB: I think the word editor is a great way to conceptualize this notion that there is so many possibilities and complex differences and personalities and selves, et cetera but we can pick and choose and we may not be able to control where our thoughts arise from or how they got there but we can edit and select the ones that will ultimately lead us to creating positive change in our lives.

[0:39:17.5] RL: Yeah and that requires thinking for yourself. I think it requires introspection and honesty, self-honesty and then it requires some luck. We all carry baggage and the hope that that baggage is going to work in our favor more than it’s not going to work in our favor and I think also it’s important to recognize that there is going to be no simple answers to these things. You know if anybody tells you that this is the way to do it then - I would think of anybody used the way that do it. That we would all be quite aware that it’s the way for everybody to do it. One needs to see what works, what works best for them, what kind of approach works best for them. 

[0:40:05.7] MB: I think the theme that you just touched on you know, introspection and self-honesty and thinking for yourself, these are things that we hear again and again and again from people from a huge, diverse range of backgrounds on the show and I think it just underscores that to create the life you want to create, the positive results that you want in life that you really have to have those skills.

[0:40:28.6] RL: Yeah, you have to have those skills and it can be – you – yeah, you need to have the skills and you need to develop the skills and sometimes, you need to take leaps but you need to do them with I think is I think you need to think ahead. 

[0:40:47.3] MB: So what would one sort of piece of homework or something that you could – what would one thing be that you could give to the listeners that they could start to do to concretely implement some of the concepts and ideas that we’ve talked about today?

[0:41:02.6] RL: Well a piece of low hanging fruit here. Whatever kind of journal keeping that you prefer keep, I would suggest that somehow try to keep track of yourself. There’s a whole number of apps, activity tracking apps that go under different and various names and I am not going recommend any single one, that is one way of going at it and in those cases what it is, is essentially a beeper system where you can program your phone or whatever to beep at certain instances. 

They ask you certain questions like, “What are you doing? How are you feeling?” With a number of different answers and you can collect these kind of information for as long as you want. You know you do it over the course of the week or so and then you look back at first of all, how you spend your time but more importantly, how you felt in these various kinds of situations and you can go through them and you can learn a lot about yourself. 

And I would predict that you’re going to have some surprises as to some activities you spend more time in than you ever imagined that you were spending and most importantly, you’re going to find that there are some activities that you know, I always feel crappy after them or I always have this kind of lingering sense of something is wrong or something. And then there are other ones where I always feel good and I think thinking like that is a good start for trying to create some plans for one’s self. 

[0:42:43.2] MB: And where can listeners find you and your books and your writings online? 

[0:42:47.7] RL: Well the quickest way, I have my website. It’s www.boblevine.net. If you are interested in a lot of the things that we talked about today, it’s all in my newest book called Stranger in the Mirror and particularly, there’s a new paperback edition, early revised paperback edition that’s published by the press at California State University Fresno. They can look for it on Amazon or you can look at it on my website or you can contact me through my website. 

[0:43:22.0] MB: Well Bob, thank you so much for coming on the show, sharing all this wisdom, it’s a fascinating topic and something that can really think about for a long time and I really enjoyed hearing your insights. 

[0:43:34.2] RL: Well thank you so much Matt, I really enjoyed talking to you. I hope we get to talk more, I really appreciate it. Thanks. 

[0:43:41.9] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you, our listeners, master evidence based growth. I love hearing from listeners. 

If you want to reach out, share your story or just say hi. Shoot me an email. My email is matt@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener email. 

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March 22, 2018 /Lace Gilger
Mind Expansion
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How You Can Hack Your Creativity, Productivity, and Mood Using Your Environment with Benjamin Hardy

March 15, 2018 by Lace Gilger in Focus & Productivity, Creativity & Memory

In this episode we discuss how your environment plays a tremendous role in shaping who you are, look at how personality develops and what underscores it, talk about how to engineering your own environment to make yourself more productive and effective, examine at how to battle self sabotage and much more with our guest Benjamin Hardy. 

Benjamin is a PhD candidate at Clemson University in Industrial and Organizational Psychology and is currently the #1 Writer for Medium.com with over 50 million page views recorded. He is the author of the upcoming book Willpower Doesn’t Work and his research and writing has been featured in Psychology Today, Business Insider, The Huffington Post, and more!

  • Success is about growth, never plateauing

  • Always be a student, always be growing

  • Living according to a value system that you believe in / a cause you believe in / serving people who you love

  • The difference between security and freedom. Many people base their security in something external to themselves.

  • Develop your own worldview / beliefs / values / goals to help form a more independent

  • Transformational learning experiences” helps transform your world view and perception of yourself

  • Stretch your mind, push your body - to start to open up your world view

  • If you do not create and control your environment, your environment controls you

  • The western belief that we exist independent of our context, what psychological research shows is that your environment has a tremendous impact. Your environment shapes who you are.

  • Mindfulness is awareness of your surrounding and how those surroundings influence you

  • You can also shape your environment, and this creates the possibility for radical change

  • Who you are is influenced and shaped by your environment

  • Epigenetics shows that your environment has a huge impact on your personality

  • Most people are unintentional in shaping their environment

  • Personality is more of an adaptation to situations and unresolved trauma

  • The false belief of western culture is that we think personality is a fixed trait - science shows that it’s not

  • Suppressed trauma can “freeze” your personality

  • Memories are social and contextual - they are shaped by your experiences

  • “You are a sick as your secrets” - the things you keep isolated are the things that keep your personality frozen, your personality changes and continues to grow, you are stuck as a child in some aspects of your personality

  • Will Durant - most people believe that history was shaped by heroes, “It’s not heroes that shape history, its demanding situations that create heroes - the average person could have double their ability or more if the situation demanded it of them”

  • The Pygmalion effect

  • How to “up the stakes” of your environment to create external situation to force you into the behaviors you want to create

  • The two kinds of “enriched environments” you need in order to maximize your performance

  • Only 16% of creative ideas happen when you’re at your desk (when the mind is in a rested state)

  • The concept of “psychological detachment” - letting go of work for a few days - really helps you fully engage when you come back to it

  • The vital importance of recovery as a key component of being both happier and more productive

  • How do you stop from self sabotaging? Put yourself in situations where its a self fulfilling prophecy. Create the environmental components necessary for you to succeed and thrive.

  • Creating “forcing functions” in your life to make yourself achieve the goals and results you want to create

  • Creating appointments with yourself so you can have creative time

  • Who you are right now is NOT what who you need to be to achieve the “big goals” you have set for yourself - otherwise you would have already achieved them and they wouldn’t be big goals

  • “Pressure can bust a pipe or it can make a diamond”

  • “Self signaling” concept from psychology - who you think you are is not a very stable perspective. You don’t really know yourself very well.

  • Its not your personality that creates your behavior, its your behavior that creates your personality.

  • Your behavior can reshape your personality.

  • “The unconscious will only allow you to have what you believe you deserve.” Dr. David Hawkins

  • How do you make yourself believe you can do/be more?

  • Invest in yourself, spend money on coaching etc towards what you desire. This upgrades your internal sense of what you can be, do, and have.

  • Creative output - “quantity is the path to quality” / “it’s better to be prolific than perfect"

  • What Got You Here Won't Get You There - You have to change your strategy. You can’t be tied to just what worked in the past.

  • Your environment is the world outside of you - unless you make changes out there, you will never make any permanent changes inside your head - you can only spend so much time visioning, setting goals, etc - you have to start changing the external environment to make big changes

  • Start by examining your environment - examine whats around you and what’s being created around you.

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Show Notes, Links, & Research

  • [Harvard Faculty Profile] Ellen Langer

  • [SoS Episode] Research Reveals How You Can Create The Mindset of a Champion with Dr. Carol Dweck

  • [TEDTalk] The Power of Time Off by Stefan Sagmeister

  • [Website] Dr. Gabor Mate

  • [Book] The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk M.D.

  • [Book] The Lessons of History by Will Durant and Ariel Durant

  • [Wiki Page] Pygmalion effect

  • [Wiki Page] Flow (psychology)

  • [Article] Why Even Ambitious People Rarely Become Successful by Benjamin Hardy

  • [Article] If You’re So Successful, Why Are You Still Working 70 Hours a Week? By Laura Empson

  • [Book] Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender by David R. Hawkins M.D. Ph.D.

  • [Website] John Burke Music

  • [SoS Episode] Why You Shouldn’t Follow Your Passion & The Rare Value of Deep Work with Cal Newport

  • [SoS Episode] A Powerful 2000 Year Old Life Hack & Creating Work That Lasts for Generations with Ryan Holiday

  • [Book] What Got You Here Won't Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful by Marshall Goldsmith and Mark Reiter

  • [Book] The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondō

  • [Book] Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown

  • [Personal Site] Benjamin Hardy

  • [Book] Willpower Doesn't Work: Discover the Hidden Keys to Success by Benjamin Hardy

Episode Transcript


[00:00:06.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:11.9] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success, the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the internet with more than a billion downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries. In this episode we discuss how your environment plays a tremendous role in shaping who you are. We look at how personality develops and what underscores it. Talk about how to engineer your own environment to make yourself more productive and effective. Examine how to battle self-sabotage, and much more with our guest, Benjamin Hardy. 

I'm going to give you three quick reasons why you should join our email list today by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the homepage. There's some amazing stuff that's available only to our email subscribers, so be sure you sign up, join the email list and check it out. First, if you join the email list, you’re going to get an awesome free guide that we created based on listener demand called How to Organize and Remember Everything. You can get it completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide when you sign up and join the email list today. 

You’ll also get a curated weekly email from us every single Monday call Mindset Monday. Listeners have been absolutely loving this email. It’s short, simple, filled with articles, stories, videos, things we found interesting in the last week. Lastly, you’re going to get an exclusive chance to shape the show. You can help vote on guests, help us change parts of the show, like our layout, intro music and much more, and you get to submit your own questions to our guests, which we often incorporate into interviews. So be sure to sign up and join the email list. 

Once again, you can go to successpodcast.com, sign up right on the homepage, or if you’re driving around, if you're out and about, if you’re on the go right now, if you're on your phone, just text the word “smarter". That's S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44222. that's “smarter” to 44222 to sign up and join the email list today. 

In our previous episode we took a journey into the inquiry known as The Work and uncovered the four-question framework that you can use to break down negative thoughts and limiting beliefs. We examined what happens when we argue with reality. Looked at the difference between being right and being free, explored the causes of suffering and much more with our guest, Byron Katie. If you want to radically transform the way you think about yourself and your thoughts, listen to that episode. 

Now, for the show. 

[0:02:47.8] MB: Today we have another exciting guest on the show, Benjamin Hardy. Ben is a Ph.D. candidate at Clemson University in industrial and organizational psychology and is currently the number one writer for medium.com with over 50 million page views recorded. He’s the author of the upcoming book; Willpower Doesn't Work, in his research writing has been featured in Psychology Today, Business Insider, The Huffington Post. 

Ben, welcome to the Science of Success. 

[0:03:14.5] BH:: Thanks, Matt. Good to be here too, bro. 

[0:03:16.2] MB: We’re excited to have you on the show today. I’d love to start out with a topic that I find really interesting, which is something you recently wrote about on Medium as well. How do you think about and define success? What does success mean to you? 

[0:03:31.6] BH:: Success for me is — Well, I mean, so there's one idea that for me success is always involving growth. Ray Dalio talks a lot about how we’re happiest when we’re growing, and I agree with that. So, one component of success is that you never plateau. A lot of people when they become successful, success becomes like this curse, and then it leads to failure. So regardless of how “successful” you are, you get to always be a student and always be growing. I mean, I think that that's one part of it. Then I think living according to some value system that you believe in, or pursuing some cause that's kind of more of a Vikor Frankl thing where it’s like success is something that comes from pursuing a cause you believe in or serving other people who you love. So I think that those kind of things go hand in hand when you're seeking a cause in helping other people and you’re continually growing. I think that that's what I view as success. 

[0:04:25.8] MB: In this Medium article you wrote a couple weeks ago you talked about the idea that success is not extrinsic. Can you can kind of share that notion explain what that means? 

[0:04:35.7] BH:: Yeah. I mean, for me, obviously you can have all of the external sayings that people seek out, whether that's money, fame, prestige. Obviously, we have seen many people with those things that we don't consider successful. On the inside they are wreck. So I think that, obviously, those things are not bad. Having money and all those things can be great as long as you have some internal stability. So for me it's more about where is your security. There's a big difference between security and freedom and a lot of people’s security is on things that are external, whether that’d be a paycheck, whether that’d be people's opinions of them. For me, the security has to be on the inside, and when you have that, then you can use your environment or you can use accolades. You can use those things to move you forward or to achieve your causes, but ultimately your security is still on what's inside, where who you are as a person or what you value. So I think that that’s kind of what I'm talking about. 

[0:05:33.0] MB: So if you're — Let’s say your self-worth or your security more broadly is rooted in what other people think about you, your achievements, etc., how do you transition or kind of relocate that to something that's internal or something that's kind of within your control? 

[0:05:51.5] BH:: Yeah. So what you're describing is basically a dependent state. Like if your security is based on other people and you’re just kind of operating based on what you think other people want you to do or something like that, that's dependence. I think the goal is to go up to independence, which is to start to develop your own worldview, start to develop your own goals, beliefs, values, and start to live according to that, and that's kind of creating some sense of independence. Hopefully a lot of people can do that through high school and college, but obviously I think people are plagued with like high dependence throughout their life. 

What I talk about in Willpower Doesn't Work is that independence itself shouldn't even be the goal. Even though that's the focus in Western culture where we live, the goal is to be super — Be your own thinker or have your own opinion and things like that, and I think that that actually limits people because you only have one filter, only one worldview that you're seeing through and obviously that one filter is pretty limited. So there’re a lot higher perspectives. In common speak we would call that interdependence. What psychologists would call the transforming self, where you are a lot more collaborative, where you're willing to learn from other people, you're curious, you're willing to have your worldview transformed, you're willing to reshape what you're seeking. So I think a lot of it is being a good learner, listening, working with other people, a few of those things. 

[0:07:08.2] MB: That makes me think of, we had a listener submit a question this on episode that I think is really relevant to that, which is John from Massachusetts was curious how — For someone who struggles to, let's say, shape their own goals or kind of figure out what their goals even are or what they want their goals to be, how can they kind of take steps to start to form their own goals, sort of form their own opinions and beliefs? 

[0:07:33.1] BH:: Yeah. I mean, I would be interested in how much time this person is spent actually having real-world experiences. Obviously, if they’re listening to this podcast they’re interested in personal growth. But what I find is that people who haven't actually gone out experience the world haven't done things, which what learning theorists would call having transformational learning experiences, where you see things where your worldview is disrupted, where you experience a lot of — Where your common beliefs or the assumptions you had growing up are questioned. I think that those types of things are really important for people to have, and that's what kind of triggered me on my path of growth. It wasn't until I left, where I was living and did like a humanitarian mission for a few years that I was able to likes see the world from a totally different perspective, engage in behaviors that I’ve never done. Read dozens of books. Took on different roles that I wasn't stuck in in high school and just began to like see things, read things, experience things, and then you can start to kind of formulate more powerful opinions on what you think is important, what you value, what you think you should dedicate your time towards. Until you have those type of experiences, you just kind of rely on what's been given to you rather than figuring out what you believe and see for yourself. 

[0:08:44.7] MB: So having transformational learning experiences is one strategy. Have you found anything else to be helpful or beneficial in terms of kind of anchoring your own, let’s say, self-perception, etc., in things that are out, sort of independent or outside of being anchored to external results? 

[0:09:02.5] BH:: I think that fitness regardless of a results is a really good place for a lot of people to start, because there's a lot of research at this point on kind of how fitness influences the brain and influences how you’re processing is mentally. It also influences your inner emotions, confidence, things like that. So I think starting to like run or push your body, changing how you eat, like those types of things are also really powerful things. Obviously, consuming lots of good stuff, starting to read books, whether that’d be about business, philosophy, biography, starting to study the history of the world. So, I mean, I think that those two things are really good; stretching your mind and pushing your body are really good places to start and they kind of start to open up different pathways of thinking. 

[0:09:49.8] MB: I want to get more concretely now into some of the lessons from Willpower Doesn't Work and kind of the core ideas. One of the fundamental premises of that book is kind of the the idea or the power of your environment. What does that mean and why is environment and surroundings so powerful? 

[0:10:06.7] BH:: Yeah. There's a quote from Dr. Marshall Goldsmith and he says, “If you do not create and control your environment, your environment creates and controls you.” 

Basically, this is very opposite, or juxtaposed from what most Western people think. Most Western people are trained or conditioned to think that we’re very independent of our situation or our context, that who we are in one situation is who we are in a different situation and we really prize that. We say that it's being authentic to be your real self. 

Really, what the psychological research shows, and if you really begin to think about it on a higher kind of more philosophical level as well, you begin to realize that who you are in one situation is very different from who you are in a different situation. So, like Harvard, the Harvard psychologist, Ellen Langer, she said that social psychologists argue that who a person is it any one time depends mostly on the context in which they find themselves. But what becomes powerful is when you realize you can create the environment you’re in. There's a lot of talk on what mindfulness is these days and, really, what it is from like a psychological science perspective, is mindfulness is awareness of your surroundings and how those surroundings are influencing you and how you're influencing those surroundings. 

So what Ellen Langer says is the more mindful we’ve become, the more we realize we can create the environments we’re in. When you realize you can create your environment, you also believe in the possibility of change. So this perspective is powerful, because when you have a really individualistic perspective, when you disconnect yourself from your surroundings, you think that who you are is like a fixed entity, and that's what psychologists would call a fixed mindset. You believe that your personality is fixed, that who you are is who you’ll always be. 

When you realize that who you are in one situation is different from who you are in a different situation, that we all have multiple personalities, that the relationship between us. Like, for example, the relationship between me and my wife determines who I am in that situation. There's a lot of meaning there. It's different than when I'm on a business trip or when I'm by myself. 

So when you realize that who you are is totally influenced and shaped by your situation, then you take a lot more ownership of that situation and how it influences your thoughts, your behaviors. And now there's all sorts of research in fields like epigenetics that are showing that it's not necessarily your DNA that determines your genetic expression. The cellular level is more determined by the environments you’re in, the choices you make. Yeah, I mean, at all levels. 

Situationally, relationships, all of those things are based on your environment. For me, it's powerful, because not only does it show that we’re more fluid, that we can actually be changed, that our environments aren't — I mean, that our personality isn’t fixed, but it's always changing and that it can change from one situation to another especially when you're purposely taking on new roles. But then you can make a lot bigger jumps in your self-improvement. Like, rather than just incrementally trying to improve something, like just kind of hacking away at some skill, you put yourself in situations that force you to operate at a higher level, and that's kind of why I think Jim Rohn said, “Don't surround yourself with people with low expectations. Surround yourself with a difficult crowd where the expectations for demands are high, because that's how you’ll grow.” Yeah, those are some thoughts. 

[0:13:22.7] MB: I think that's really thing point that out sort of identities and personalities can be changed by manipulating our environment. 

[0:13:31.1] BH:: Definitely. I mean, yeah. Our environment in a lot of ways shapes our personality. Like a lot of people that are unintentional about it. They fall into roles, that then they just like believed to be their intrinsic personality, when it's really just a role they’re playing out. Whether it's like being someone funny. 

Dr. Gabor Mate, he's one of the best thinkers on addiction. He's developed this really cool perspective, and it really isn't even his own. It comes from other people, but he's got this great perspective on personality, that personality obviously is definitely not some intrinsic trait, but it's more an adaptation and it's an adaptation to situations or to just dealing with unresolved traumas. So like if a child goes through some hard experience, they have this need for belonging, and so they'll adapt their personality to keep that need for belonging. Kids and high school students do that all the time. In order to fit in with the crowd, they shape their behavior, they shape their language, they shape how they act and think to fit a situation so that they can belong. 

So personality is not some fixed trait. It's an adaptation to situations. It's something that you use. The problem with Western culture is we think that personality is some fixed trait, that it doesn't change who you are when you’re born, it’s who you are when you die. We use personality tests to put ourselves in boxes. We don't realize that personality is something that's always developing, and that when you resolve internal conflicts, your personality will change. When you put yourself in these situations and then you're doing it intentionally, you can definitely alter your personality. 

There's a really other good book from a medical doctor. The book is called The Body Keeps the Score. It's all about trauma, and it talks about how personality can become frozen or fixed. If someone goes through a traumatic experience, kind of like PTSD, where someone goes through some hard experience and then it becomes suppressed. It has a lot to do his memory. 

So normal memories are very fluid. Let’s just say you have memories of yourself as a kid. Those memories are always being altered by new experiences that you're having. Memories are social and they’re contextual, which means that you can change them based on when you bring in new experiences. You go on a trip, you have new experiences that colors your worldview. It's kind of like the movie Inside Out. Your memories are always changing when you are calm and stuff like that. But traumatic memories, experiences that are hard, that you suppress, they get fixed and they're not contextual, they become isolated. So they freeze you in time. You stop growing in a certain area. 

So we all have multiple personalities. There are certain areas of your life that you are very mature and your developing and there's other areas you’re like a three-year-old kid. When that side gets triggered, all the sudden you don't know how to cope, and that's where most people isolate themselves. They turned to self-destructive behaviors and they try to avoid it rather than dealing with it. There's a really cool quote, the idea that you're as sick as your secrets. So the things that you keep stock, the things that you keep isolated are the things that keep your personality frozen. But once you can kind of work your way through those traumatic experiences, your personality changes. It continues to develop. You continue to grow. 

So the idea of a fixed personality is a really messed up concept, and I go into it a little bit in this book. It’s actually going to be the core concept of my next book. Yeah, personality should never be something that gets stuck. It should always be developed. We all have multiple personalities based on the situations we’re in and the roles we’re in, and personality should be something that you could actually tweak and transform as far as reinventing yourself in dramatic ways if you want to. 

[0:16:59.6] MB: That's really, really fascinating. I love the example that if you think about the different facets of your life, in some areas you might be really developed and mature, in other areas you may still really have kind of the feelings and belief and emotional reactions of the child, and that might be a result of some past trauma that has kind of frozen you. You’re frozen your emotional development in the particular area of your life. 

[0:17:22.2] BH:: For sure. Yeah. I think it's fascinating as well. It’s very uncommon perspective of personality in Western view. 

[0:17:28.0] MB: Who were the doctors you mentioned that have written a little bit about that or talked about that? 

[0:17:32.0] BH:: Dr. Gabor Mate, one of the best thinkers on addiction and trauma. Then the other one, let me look it up real quick. It's the guy who wrote The Body Keeps the Score. The Body Keeps the Score is finally starting to blow up. It’s a book that was written a few years ago and now it’s really starting to get some steam, Bessel van der Kolk, medical doctor. Body Keeps the Score. I would say the best book on trauma that’s around right now, and it's starting to finally get some steam. Yeah, it’s a really good book, mind-blowing book. Then anything written by Dr. Gabor Mate. 

[0:18:02.8] MB: Awesome. Well we’ll make sure to include all those things in the show notes as well so listeners can check those resources out. Coming back to one of the points you made earlier that I think is really, really important to kind of underscore and reiterate is this idea that most people are completely unintentional in shaping their environment and they just sort of let their environment happen around them, and as a result that creates certain behavior patterns and activities and sort of modes of behavior in their lives. When in reality you can kind of step back, create a different environment, shape your environment in certain ways and literally change your behavior, and thus change the outcomes you get in your life simply by making those tweaks. 

[0:18:42.4] BH:: Totally. Yeah. Charles Darwin, when he first presented his concepts on evolution, he talks about how there’s two types of evolution. One is kind of more of a natural or a random evolution that it generally happens out in nature, where animals or species of some type are just reacting to the changes that occur in the environment and. That creates a very unconscious and unplanned evolution.

Basically, traits are developed based on just reacting to environment. I would say that's how most people are. They just are reacting to the environment. Whereas, there is another type of evolution as well that Darwin talks about, and that's more of a — He would call it an unnatural evolution or its more of a preplanned evolution where you domesticate like an animal. 

Let’s just say, for example, you want to develop horses that are really tall, or that run really fast, or you want to like make your cucumbers huge, whatever it is. Like you can reshape the situation, and it's really cool when you actually start to realize this, how it influences like agriculture and stuff. I have a friend who is recently on a mushroom farm, like not a hallucinogenic type of mushroom, but like this farm grew like dozens and dozens of different types of mushrooms and the only way to kind of shape these mushrooms in different ways is to alter like the soil and like the type of air and the type of sunlight. 

So like in order to kind of create a preplanned type of evolution where you develop specific types of traits, you’ve got to shape the environmental factors to make it happen. That's kind of like the more kind of Darwinian perspective. Yeah, I would say that very few people are really intentional about the environments that are shaping them. Obviously, your environment is shaping you, but very few people shape the environment that shapes them. 

So I think that the most kind of high-level conscious perspective is thinking what type of environments kind of shape you and how do you put yourself in that situation. So there're a couple quotes that kind of build on this idea. One is the historian, Will Durant. He was being questioned and stuff like this, and I present this idea in kind of one of the intro chapters of the book. But most people believe that history was shaped by heroes. What Will Durant said — And he's one of the most famous historians of all time. He's created one of the most authoritative perspectives on history, and he said it's not heroes that shape history. Its demanding situations that create heroes. 

Then he says that the average person could have doubled their ability or more if their situation demanded of them. So basically we’re a product of our environment. We’re either rising up or falling down to the expectations of our situation. It's really cool, because — So there's an idea in psychology, it's called the Pygmalion Effect. Basically means that, yeah, you’re either rising up or falling down to the expectations of those around you. 

So when you realize this, then you can kind of connect some different dots and you can start to think about — Like let’s just go into like the concept of flow. Flow is something that happens when they are situational factors that make flow. Flow happens when there is like immediate feedback, when there're consequences for failure, when there's difficulty, when there's newness. When these things are in place, you become highly engaged and you can be absorbed in what you're doing. Flow doesn't happen when you're kind of doing the same thing over and over or like when you're not being challenged, when there is low consequences for behavior, when you're constantly distracted when you're in and out. 

If you think about most people's working environments, they're not set up for flow. Most people, they're not doing things they've never done before. They're not being highly challenged. They don’t have lots of responsibility. There's a low consequences for poor performance. There's not immediate feedback. So like most people — Then they’re like working on computers with multiple tabs. They open their smart phones next to them beeping and stuff like that. How could anyone get into flow in that type of situation? The idea that the average person, their abilities could be doubled or more if their situation demanded of them is really cool. Yeah, I kind of went on for a bit, but there're so many ways you can use this. 

[0:22:51.3] MB: First, I just want to chime in as well. I'm a huge fan of Lessons From History. I don’t know if it’s Lessons From History or Lessons of History. I forget the exact title, but great sort of summary of Will and Ariel Durant's work, and then you can read it in an hour or two. It’s very short, simple read. That's basically like the eight or nine core lessons that he took away from writing volumes and volumes and volumes of work on the world’s histories. 

What that makes me think of is this idea that how can we actually sort of create these high-stakes environments in our lives when we have all these Chrome tabs open and distractions? It seems very low stakes if I don't write this article, or publish this podcast or whatever. How do I create kind of that high-stakes environment or that place where I can double my ability?

[0:23:42.6] BH:: Yeah, for sure. So I think that there're actually two types of environments that are really important and you can't have one without the other. So like the idea of like — Let’s just use it in the realm of fitness. Really, easy thing is is, yes, rather than working at home, you could get a gym membership. Rather than just getting a gym membership, you can hire a personal trainer who you’re spending money. 

Number one is kind of upping the investment. When you increase the level of investment in what you're doing, that immediately increases the commitment. If you're financially invested, for example, then there're some stakes involved. Yeah, it may not be enough to like get you to go, but if someone's waiting for you that you've hired, that you've paid, like you're more likely to do it. If you're paying someone to push you, then you’ve already created somewhat of external situations that are somewhat forced, pushing against you. 

Obviously, you need your own intrinsic motivation as well, but intrinsic motivation can only do so much in an environment that's not kind of forcing you forward. That's one little thing. I mean, there're lots of others I can go into in a second, but there’s really other important type of environment. 

There’s two types of environments I talked about the book, and I call them enriched environments. One is environments that are focused on this high demand, high stress. The second is environments focused on rest and recovery. Because in fitness, for example, you could push yourself intensely, but if you don't give yourself optimal rest and recovery, then it’s going to kind of be for nothing. You not can actually get huge gains. Almost all of the gains happen in high quality rest. The same is true with work and creativity. So there's a lot of research that says that only 16% of creative ideas happen when you're sitting at your desk. Most creative ideas are going to happen when you're outside of your work environment, when you're out in nature, you're in your car. You could even be in your shower, but like it's when you're out and about and you’re actually totally resting. When your mind is in a rested state, all of a sudden your mind can wander and it can take what you've worked on, and it can connect it with different things. 

So you need to be focused when you're working, but then you need to go away and like let your mind rest. That's why there's a huge push for taking like off days, or doing mini-retirements, or going on sabbaticals. 

There’s a really good TED Talk, all about the power of sabbaticals, and it's about this famous New York artist who closes his studio once every seven years, leaves for seven years, travels the world. He says it's during that time that he gets — And he's just not even working. He’s just resting. He's traveling the world. He’s having fun. He is relaxing. It's during that one year off that he gets all of these best ideas that fuels all of his work for the next several years. 

I’ll just give a little bit more and then I’ll go into the practicality. Dan Sullivan, he's one of the founders of Strategic Coach, which is like considered by many to be the top entrepreneurial coaching program in the world, and he talks about how you need to have focus days and free days. So like days when you're focused, you’re totally on. You're working hard. That's a high pressure, high demand. Free days are where you’re totally off, where you’re not thinking about work at all. If you, let’s just say, get a text message about work and you look at it, then like you can't count it as a free day. So like you need to totally unplug, put your phone on airplane mode, go away, spend time with your kids or your family, or go do something fun or just unplug. 

So I think you kind of need both of these environments, and I think for most people they need to actually optimize initially for the high rest, because that's actually harder in the beginning. Because most people are so plugged in, they’re so addicted to technology, and millennials are actually the worst, and I'm a millennial. But like there's so much, like prize and always being available. It's not a good thing. There's a lot of research in organizational psychology that brings up this concept called psychological detachment from work. Basically what it means is unless you fully detach from work, which means physically, emotionally, mentally and totally unplugged, you actually have a really hard time re-engaging and fully attaching the work when you jump back in. For most people, they’re never fully on or fully off. They’re always semi-on, semi-off, kind of in and out of consciousness, in and out of distraction, in and out of being present. 

There’s a really powerful quote that brings all these together, and it’s basically wherever you are, that's we should be. So I think kind of step one to creating high stress in high demand environments is actually creating environments in situations where you can totally rest and recover, because that's where you’re going to get your clarity. Once you have clarity, once you've kind of stepped out of your routine environment and you’ve given yourself some space, you can actually make powerful decisions. You can kind of rethink your process, your approach, and then you can think about ways of how you can create more pressure, or demand, or challenge in your life, whether that's taking on bigger goals, whether that's giving yourself shorter timelines, whether that's creating some form of accountability in your life to other people when there's consequences, where there's feedback. 

For me, when it comes to creating more demand or pressure in my life, I think about it in a few different ways. One is just being open to certain types of responsibility. Like, for example, my wife and I became foster parents of three kids. When we became foster parents of three kids, and that was like right when I started my Ph.D. program, we went from 0 to 3 kids with like intense emotional needs and stuff. That’s increasingly — That's like intentionally putting a ton of pressure on yourself. 

But what's interesting is that we did that at the beginning of 2015. So from 2010 to 2015, I wanted to be a writer, but I didn't have the ability to do it. I just couldn't mentally get myself to start. But as soon as we became foster parents, which it's a paradox, because most people would think you have less time, that you would be overwhelmed and stuff. But that pressure from my situation actually was what gave me the clarity and the urgency to start writing. 

Then I started writing intensely, because I had to. I saw that it’s like if I'm actually going to become a professional writer, if I've got these kids that are relying on me, I've got to start now. It was actually the — Obviously not everyone needs to be a foster parent to do that, but in kind of practical ways you could also just hire a mentor. Spend some money. Get invested and then hire someone, kind of like you would a personal trainer. 

A lot of people probably in this audience know about Ryan holiday. He's written several best-selling books. He's one of the people I've hired multiple times to help me in different phases of my career. He helped me write my book proposal. I hired him. That put social pressure on me, but it also kind of — It kind of put me in a situation where like I was putting my money where my mouth was. I want to write a book. I hired someone I respected, and I was paying him. So he kind of expected that I would actually do something about it. Take what he was giving me and I turned that into a book proposal, which turned into a big book deal, which is book for Willpower Doesn’t Work. So I think that a lot of it's just investing in yourself, investing in environments, investing in relationships, and then taking on responsibility, whether that's in your personal or professional life. 

[0:30:31.9] MB: I think that the point that recovery is kind of the starting point, and creating those spaces for recovery is really, really important. That’s something that, as you said, in today's world, especially — I'm a millennial also, and so many people of our kind of age cohort, especially, really don't take that time to fully disconnect, fully step away, and I think it's really vital. The research and the science demonstrate as well that that's when you are the most creative, that's when you kind of bring — When you come back from that, that's when you bring the most productive and kind of high input work to what you're doing. 

There was a Harvard business review article that I read a couple weeks ago that talked about this, which we’ll throw into the show notes as well. I just think that that's a really, really critical point. 

[0:31:17.8] BH:: Yeah. I would say they without that, you're not going to be able to actually get the most out of the high demand situations. It’s like if you’re never fully giving yourself enough time to rest, you’re not getting good sleep, it doesn't matter how much you go into the gym. Your workouts aren’t going to be that good. The same is true of work. If you’re not giving yourself — Like Sean White, for example. He talked a lot about how he stays so good at what he does. He just won Olympics after being — He's been doing this for so many years. He says, “How do I stay so good at this? It's because I spent a lot of time away from the sport.” 

He pursues skateboarding and playing music and stuff. He gives himself tons of time away. So that like when he's there, he's fully present. Like 10,000 hours is not what leads to expertise. It's actually like iIt's an amount of time in flow. It’s in amount of time, like actually moving forward. There're people that spent a lot of time doing activities and make minimal progress. Then there's people who put a ton of — It’s kind of like it’s not the amount of — I think it’s hours you put into your — It’s not the amount of hours you put in. It’s what you put into your hours. 

Yeah, I mean, I just think that's probably where people have to start, is actually reconnecting with themselves. Kind of to that person's question before, I think a lot of clarity comes when you actually can reconnect with yourself. You’re not fully plugged in, not sucked into what you're doing and you actually give yourself space you start to get clarity. 

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[0:34:14.4] MB: Another thing, kind of back on the idea of creating these stakes for ourselves. I feel like one of the challenges I have with trying to do that sometimes, and I try to implement many of these kind of hacks to up the stakes and create environments where I'm forcing myself to perform. I feel like sometimes there's almost like a mental like limiting belief or sort of a self-sabotaging sort of short circuit to that where I say, “Oh, I set these super ambitious goals,” and I almost in the back of my head think, “Oh, well there's no way that can happen anyway.” So then I almost am sabotaging the motivation. I don't know if you've ever encountered that or have any thoughts on that, but it’s something that I feel like I’m really curious to see kind of what your thoughts are on that. 

[0:34:55.1] BH:: Yeah. I mean, think everyone experiences that all the time. If you say you want to make $1 million if you’ve never even made six figures. It's kind of hard to believe in that. For me, I mean, how I do it is that I really think situationally. It's like how do you put yourself in a situation where it almost becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy? How do you create the situation of the stakes so that you kind of have to make good on it? 

For me — And it's very similar to what I've talked about before, but it's like you got to put the environmental components in. So there's a guy I kind of detail in the book. His name is John Burke. He's a 29-year-old pianist who was recently nominated for a Grammy. He's a really cool guy. He talks about how he always pursues bigger and bigger goals with his piano. 

He's got a really cool process for doing this, and there's an idea in the book I call forcing function. So basically a forcing function is where you put some constraint in place where it forces you to operate how you want to. For some people, a forcing function would be literally investing money in a personal trainer. If you invest a lot in that, it kind of like you put the situation in place. But for John Burke, he does some really cool stuff. 

So first off, he's got the philosophy and the worldview that he's never going to do the same thing twice. Like every album he tries to create or project he does, it's always a new and difficult challenge, and that's really how the Beatles operated as well. I talked about collaboration and how the Beatles were so innovative and they were always infusing totally unique, different types of things in their worldview. But for John Burke, whenever he decides he's going to do a project, and it may or may not be kind of believable for him in the moment how big it is, how difficult it is. As soon as he decides he wants to do something, he does a few things. He puts a few things in place. 

Number one; he calls his sound engineer, where he records his albums and he gets on the guy’s schedule. It's like probably for three or six months in advance when he's going to come and record the album that he hasn't even like written a song for. He's just thought of the idea, and he pays the guy. He becomes like, schedule-wise, committed, but he also becomes financially committed that like in 3 to 6 months, and it's on the calendar, he's going to be there recording the album. 

Then he looks at his calendar and he plugs in throughout his week, for the next several months, times when he's actually going to create, like create the album. He puts creation time in his schedule and then if things pop up, like gigs or things where like they would be very appealing, if stuff pops up on his calendar during those creation times he says he can't. He says he has an appointment, and that appointment is obviously with himself. 

Then he creates social pressure, where he starts telling his fan that he's coming up with a new album. Says when it’s going to come out, etc. So like all these happens the day that he comes up with the idea or the plan. So, obviously, in the moment when he comes up with the idea, he could come up with a million reasons why he can't do it, why he can't create it, why he can't get there, but he puts all sorts of checks and balances in place to force himself forward. Why I think that this is so cool and I connect it with lots of ideas in the book is that, obviously, who you are right now is not the kind of person you need to be to achieve big goals. Otherwise you would have achieved those goals. I'm talking about big goals relative to whatever you want to pursue. If you were already that person, then those goals wouldn't feel big. They feel big to you right now because of your current behavior and your mindsets. 

So what you want to do is you want to put things in place where you can weed those things or you can upgrade yourself towards that new goal, and that's basically what John Burke does. He puts all these pressure on himself and then he — So there’s this quote that pressure can bust a pipe or it can make a diamond. You know what I mean? So he puts his pressure on himself and then he starts creating, and it's the act of doing and creating that kind of evolves you. 

In psychology, there's some really cool ideas. One is the idea of self-signaling. I've written about this a lot my articles and I’ve also written about in Willpower Doesn’t Work. But self-signaling is the idea that who you think you are is actually not a very stable perspective. You don't really know yourself very well as a person. None of us do. We judge and evaluate ourselves the same way we judge and evaluate other people. We do it based on behavior. 

So if you change your behaviors or engage in different types or levels of behaviors, you start to alter your worldview about yourself. So what's cool about this, and it kind of goes with everything we're just talking about on personality. It's not your personality that creates your behavior. It’s your behavior that creates your personality. 

For John Burke, for example, he starts taking on big goals. One of the things he does that I talk about in the book is that he writes songs that literally he can't play. He composes his own music and he writes it at skill levels above his physical ability to push the keys. Then he writes the songs. He's got this timeline. He’s socially told his fans it’s going to come out. He loves challenging himself. So he has to force himself to learn how to play music that's above his skill level that he himself writes. How does he do that? Well, he’s put all the things in place. He actually is composing or writing or doing things, because he put it in his schedule and because he gives himself the time to do, because he's pursuing this big goal, because there're all these social pressure that he put on himself, because he loves doing things that he’s never done before. He gets better and better and better and he does things he never done before, and that's how he grows into bigger goals. So I think that that's kind of just a good example of how you can apply what you're talking about here. 

One other just quick thought is that kind of going on with the idea that your behavior can reshape your personality, and it's kind of a theme I've been saying a little bit here. But there's this quote from Dr. David Hawkins, and he's wrote two really, really good books. He’s actually written many good books, but he wrote Power Versus Force, and he also wrote a book called Letting Go. A lot of people who are kind of very high-level thinkers consider Letting Go to be one of the best personal development books of all time. I actually am in full agreement. I don't think I’ve ever read a more high-level self-improvement book. 

You have to kind of get past some of the religious things if that kind of triggers you in negative ways. It does not negatively trigger me, but he's a medical doctor. He's brilliant. One of the things he says is that the — Or he says that the unconscious will only allow you to have what you believe you deserve. So if you look in your life, if you look at your environment, if you look at all around you, a lot of it is based on what you unconsciously believe you deserve. So if you are pursuing certain goals, it's because you believe you could have those things. So how do you shatter that subconscious belief system and upgrad it so that you can believe you can do and be more? For me, a lot of that has to do with two things; investing in yourself and investing in your environment or your relationships. Things like that. 

So like when I make investments in myself — And even just talking about small ones. You know what I mean? Like buying my domain name or buying an online course that taught me how to write viral headline so that I could learn how to write. Like those type of investments — Or even hiring Ryan Holliday to help me write my book proposal, like when you watch yourself spend money on something you desire and something you want and believe in, and then you start kind of engaging in environments and around certain types of people. That changes your subconscious patterns. It upgrades your sense of what you can be, do and have. 

So I think you’ve kind of always got to be putting yourself in new situations, be willing to invest in yourself, kicking in that upgrade and the psychology and then, like John Burke, creating conditions that make success happen. 

[0:42:33.7] MB: I love the example of John Burke. That was a really concrete kind of way to contextualize a lot of the stuff you’ve been talking about. That’s great example. Especially kind of the kind of early on in the example, the notion of creating an appointment with yourself and holding yourself to it I think is a really cool strategy. So I think that was a really, really good example. 

[0:42:53.1] BH:: Thanks, man. 

[0:42:54.2] MB:. I'm curious, how do you — Maybe contextualizing this with another example from your own life. How did you kind of concretely implement these things and shape the environment that enabled you to become the top writer on Medium? 

[0:43:09.1] BH:: Yeah. I mean, part one I already talked about. We became foster parents, which kind of really forced me to think hard about things. I had wanted to be a writer, for example, for five years before I started writing. As a foster parent, I knew my time was going to go fast. So that's what compelled me to start investing in myself. I bought a domain name, which was 800 bucks. Ton of money is a graduate student. $197 online course, which taught me how to write viral headlines. Then a lot of it, it’s just kind of doing some of the John Burke stuff. You know what I mean?

So there's a few ideas that I really love. One is when it comes to creative staff, quantity is the path to quality. You’ve got to pump a bunch of stuff out, and that's what I did initially. This was back in the spring of 2015, but over a period of a few months I wrote like 50, 60 articles and I was practicing what I was learning and studying and I was invested financially and my situation with my foster kids was demanding me to succeed, because my wife gave me an ultimatum basically, that she gave me basically a basically year to like really pursue this writing thing because I’ve been talking about it ever since she met me and I hadn't done anything about it. So now I’m like, “Okay. I’m going to really do this.” We spend 800 bucks on a domain name. I started spending some money on it and she’s like, “All right. You’ve got a year to try this.” 

So there's a timeline, and then just pumping it out. So quantity is the path to quality, and also it's better to be prolific than perfect. For me, I've never dealt with the whole perfectionist’s mind. Like I often publish articles and I’ll get emails and stuff with people saying, “Dude, there's so many typos and stuff. What is your problem?” Obviously, I try to be professional, but it's better to be prolific than perfect. 

So I pumped out a bunch of stuff. I practiced. I got some good training and then I just studied the craft. I'm a part of a lot of mastermind groups where people are teaching about how to be salesman and stuff like that. How to do really good marketing? I think that that stuff is really important. I have spent a lot of time learning marketing. But for me I really like Cal Newport's perspectives, that to be so good you can't be ignored. You know what I mean? 

So for me I think if someone really takes advantage of mastering their craft where you develop rare and valuable skills, you become a craftsman, not a salesman. Because a lot of people they’ll spend like 10% of their time developing a product and 90% of the time figuring out how to sell it. For me it's like spend at least half of the time, at least half the time developing something amazing and then — Yeah, get really good at marketing or positioning it so that you can actually make an impact with it. 

Yeah. I mean, what it looked like for me was writing a ton of articles, figuring out platforms where my work could be most spread. So kind of studying the different situations and environments. rather than creating my blog, I found out about platforms, like Medium.com, Quora, LinkedIn, places where there was already pre-existing audiences, places where there were already millions of people. Then just studying how to go viral on those things and then practicing like crazy. Writing a ton of stuff. Failing a lot. Quantity, quantity, quantity and then eventually hitting quality and eventually developing confidence. So that's what Cal Newport talks about as well. It's actually really relevant to psychological research. 

A lot of people think that it's confidence to create success. It's actually success that creates confidence. So like once you’ve done something enough times and you start to make some small wins, like you become more confident in your ability. You start to develop those skills. It kind of breaks another notion as well. A lot of people think that it's inspiration that creates action, but it's actually action that allows inspiration to come. So I think if you just acting moving, it brings all these ideas together. It's like your behavior shaped your personality. Your successful behavior creates your confidence and your inspiration, and all of these things, thinking about how your situation is either forcing you forward or slowing you down. I mean, that’s kind of how I've applied it, and I've written a ton since then. 

Then kind of at various stages — There's a book, really good idea. It's called What Got You Here Won't Get You There. It's by Dr. Marshall Goldsmith. So there's another idea that basically every next level of your life will demand a different version of you. What got you to a certain place is not what's going to get you to the next level, and not getting so caught up in what worked in the past. That's why most people, their success creates failure, is because they keep doing what they thought worked, but to get to the next stage they actually need to do what’s different. 

For me for a long time, what worked was I needed to write a bunch of articles and get better and better at writing viral content and learning how to turn that content or those views into email subscribers. But then when you jump into bigger and different games, you go from being a big fish to a small fish when you jump into a different pond. Then you kind of got to learn the new rules. Like for me, now I want to blow up in the book world, and that's very different than just writing tons of articles. It's a very different skillset to write good books than it is to write good articles. So just continually not getting stuck at one stage and continually figuring out the new rules of each stage that you're playing at. 

[0:48:01.6] MB: That's awesome, man, and a great example. I think one of the key points from that is this idea that environment is not just sort of your physical environment. Though that can have an impact on your behavior, but it's kind of this broader term. It’s people, situations, etc., that you put yourself in and surround yourself with that can really shape who you ultimately become and the results that you achieve. 

[0:48:25.6] BH:: 100%. Yeah. I mean, I think that that's where the new — I think that this is a concept that people are going to see more and more, as a lot of science is coming out in psychology, but also biology and stuff. It's finally becoming kind of brought to the cultural context, or kind of like the collective awareness of Western thinkers kind of my prediction. It's kind of a big prediction with this book, is that you’re going to see this more and more. People are going to be talking about environment a lot more and more. They’re going to be talking about surroundings and context and all these things and how they influence and shape thoughts, behavior, emotions. When you start to take control of these things, you can start to control your interstate. 

Yeah, I think it’s profound stuff and I think that it's also more honest. A lot of people who are trying to improve themselves, they're lying to themselves if they don't actually make those changes out in the real world. Like, yeah, you can kind of live in your head and you can create vision and goals and all that stuff, but your environment is the world outside of you and unless you’re actually making changes out there, you’re not actually going to make any permanent changes inside your head. 

So my challenge in this book is to put your money where your mouth is and actually change the world or at least the world around you so that you can live in congruence with the dreams and the values you have inside of you. 

[0:49:37.4] MB: Yeah, I think that's another great point. You can only spend so much time in your head kind of setting your goals and visions, etc. But once you start to make those changes in the external environment, making commitments to people, hiring people, etc., that's when it really starts to become really concrete and real. 

[0:49:53.6] BH:: Yup. That's when the commitment goes out. 

[0:49:56.3] MB: One of the other topics that I'd love to just touch on really briefly that I know you've kind of talked about and written about in the past is the idea of kind of being proactive versus being reactive and how to live your life in a more proactive place. 

[0:50:08.8] BH:: Yeah. So going back to the Darwin stuff, either you're reactively being influenced and shaped by your environment or you’re proactively shaping who you want to be, what's around you, who you’re around, what you’re doing. So I think that's just taking the initiative, making the choice, deciding what you want to do. A lot of it I think starts — There’s obviously the cliché concept of morning routines, but it's just a true principle. Like when wake up first in the morning, you either start reacting, whether that's to like your cellphone and news medias. You either start reacting or you proactively create space where you can think about who you want to be and then you can start acting in a place where you can actually be who you want to be and live out in the world. So I think it's just kind of living either consciously or unconsciously. 

[0:50:56.0] MB: What is one piece of homework that you would give to listeners to kind of concretely implement or start implementing some of the ideas that we’ve talked about today?

[0:51:05.3] BH:: Yeah. I would say first things first. Actually begin examining your environment. Examine what surrounds you and what's created around you, because your external environments are pretty clear indicator of your internal mindset and viewpoints and belief systems and things like that. Then ask yourself; is this really what you want? Is this really what you value and believe in or is this kind of just something you've fallen into unconsciously?

It's really gave — There's that book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. It’s actually really true. I mean, if you just — This kind of goes into essentialism as well, is just the idea that literally like remove a lot of the stuff that's in your environment that's nonessential, that that's not high-value to you. It's funny, but you literally can start your closet Throw a bunch of clothes that you devalue. Go into your kitchen and throw away the food that you really genuinely don't want to eat. Maybe make some phone calls to people who are — Relationships that haven't been serving you or them and kind of either try to re-evaluate the expectations or kind of — I'm not saying you have to cut off ties, but you need to be honest. That's kind of why the rubber meets the road is because you can't just leave in your head. You actually have to impact the lives of other people as well. 

Then I would start investing money even if it's small amount in a certain goal or interest or skillset that you want, or relationship. Start investing even if it's just a few bucks. Start investing money in yourself in ways that will kind of change your environment, whether that's changing your skills or changing your proximity to people. Putting yourself around people you'd like to be mentored by, or learning from them. 

[0:52:45.2] MB: Where can listeners find you and your writing and your book online?

[0:52:50.2] BH:: Yes, benjaminhardy.com. My challenge is definitely just go to Willpower Doesn't Work. You can find it on Amazon obviously. So just that book. All my writings on medium.com. 

[0:53:01.2] MB: Well, Ben, thank you so much for coming on the show, sharing all these wisdom. Tons of resources, ideas and concepts. Really, really good insights. Thank you so much for coming here and sharing all these knowledge. 

[0:53:11.1] BH:: Cool, Matt. It's been fun, man. Talk to you later. 

[0:53:13.2] MB: Thank you so much for listening to The Science of Success. We created the show to help you, our listeners, master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story or just say hi, shoot me an email. My email is matt@successpodcast.com. That's matt@successpodcast.com. I'd love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener email. 

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Next, you're going to get an exclusive chance to shape the show, including voting on guests, submitting your own personal questions that we’ll ask guests on air and much more. Lastly, you’re going to get a free guide we created based on listener demand, our most popular guide, which is called How to Organize and Remember Everything. You can get it completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide by signing up and joining the email list today. Again, you can do that at successpodcast.com, sign up right on the homepage, or if you're on the go, just text the word “smarter” to the number 44222. 

Remember, that the greatest compliment you can give us is a referral to a friend either live or online. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us an awesome review and subscribe in iTunes because that helps boost the algorithm, that helps us move up the iTunes rankings and helps more people discover The Science of Success. 

Don't forget, if you want to get all the incredible information we talked about in the show, links transcripts, everything we discussed and much more, be sure to check out our show notes. You can get those at successpodcast.com. Just hit the show notes button right at the top. 

Thanks again, and we'll see you on the next episode of The Science of Success.


March 15, 2018 /Lace Gilger
Focus & Productivity, Creativity & Memory
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Four Questions That Will Change Your World - An Exploration of “The Work” with Byron Katie

March 08, 2018 by Lace Gilger in Emotional Intelligence

In this episode, we take a journey into the inquiry know as “The Work’ and uncover the 4 question framework that you can use to break down negative thoughts and limiting beliefs. We examine what happens when we argue with reality, look at the difference between being right and being free, explore the causes of suffering, and much more with our guest Byron Katie. 

Byron Katie is an American speaker, author, and founder of the method of self-inquiry known as “The Work”. She has worked with millions of individuals at both private and public events in prisons, hospitals, treatment centers, universities, and schools. She is the author of three bestselling books and her work has been featured in TIME, The Huffington Post, Oprah, and much more!
 

  • What happens when you don’t accept reality?

  • Do you like it when you scrape your knee?

  • How should you deal with negative experience?

  • Missing the miracle of life by arguing with it

  • What happens when we get caught up in having to be right?

  • Why it’s painful to “believe your own thoughts” and why you should question your own thinking

  • The Four Questions of “The Work” that can allow you to challenge your negative thoughts and limiting beliefs

  • Using the “Four Questions” to meditate on and reflect on challenges in your life

  • How to become a better listener, listening is powerful

  • When you argue with someone else, you miss valuable information and become disconnected with that person

  • We are often looking outside for the answers to our questions - we should instead look inside

  • The only way to change the world is to question what you believe about the world?

  • How to be open and fearless

  • What you think that causes your suffering - it's only what you’re thinking and believing that causes your suffering

  • Test it for yourself

  • What we think and believe create our identities

  • What you THINK causes your suffering - it's not the external world. The events of the

  • People don’t need to change - what you think and believe about them could use some work

  • Be aware of your life right here, right now - the value and the gift of life and how to take care of it.

  • The Four Questions of the Work and how you can apply each of them

    • Is it true?

    • Can I absolutely know that it’s true?

    • Who am I when I believe this to be true?

    • Who would I be without this thought?

  • Turnaround

    • You can never change others but you can always change yourself

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SHOW NOTES, LINKS, & RESEARCH

  • [Website] The Work

  • [Book] Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life by Byron Katie and Stephen Mitchell

  • [Instagram] Byron Katie

  • [Facebook] The Work of Byron Katie

  • [Blog] The Work of Byron Katie

Episode Transcript


[00:00:06.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:11.9] MB: Welcome to The Science of Success, the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the internet with more than a million downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries. In this episode we take a journey into the inquiry, known as The Work, and uncover the four-question framework that you can use to break down negative thoughts and limiting beliefs. We examine what happens when we argue with reality. Look at the difference between being right and being free. Explore the causes of suffering, and much more with our guest, Byron Katie. 

I’m going to give you three reasons why you should join our email list today by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the homepage. First, you’re going to get an awesome free guide that we created based on listener demand. This is our most popular guide, it’s called How to Organize and Remember Everything. You can get it completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide when you sign up and join the email list today. 

There're some amazing stuff that's only available to your email subscribers, so be sure you sign up and join. The next thing you're going to get, you’re going to get curated weekly email from us every single Monday called Mindset Monday, short, simple articles and stories that we've loved or enjoyed over the last week. Listeners have been loving that email. We get a ton of positive feedback on it, and if you're on the email list, you're going to get it every Monday. 

Lastly, you’re going to get an exclusive chance to shape the show. You can vote on guess. You can help us change parts of the show, like our interim music. You can even submit your own questions to guests that we often ask during the interview, and you can enter into special listener only giveaways that we do very frequently for our email list. So be sure to sign up, join the email list today. You can do that by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the homepage, or if you're out and about, if you’re driving around, if you're on the go, just text the word “smarter”. That's “smarter” to the number 44222. Text “smarter" to 44222 to sign up and join the email list today. 

In our previous episode we discussed the danger of getting addicted to your screens. We looked at how technology is designed to be as addictive as possible and how those addictions specifically make you spend more time on things like social media and news that make you less happy. We discussed how screens rob us of time and attention and why it's so hard to break away from them. We also looked at how you can structure your environment to spend more time away from your phone and create ways to get out of these addictive behavior loops with our guest, Adam Alter. If you want to know the real dangers that Silicon Valley insiders have been trying to hide from you about using technology, listen to that episode. 

Now, before we dig into the show I want to kind of to tell you about two things. One; I really want to note the audio quality of this episode. We had some audio issues, partly my fault. I had my mic set on the wrong setting, so it sounds pretty bad. I'll be honest with you. But I think there's value in this interview and I still wanted to share it with you. That's completely my fault for botching the audio on my end. 

We also had some issues with Katie, as she is known, her audio and some background noise, but we soldiered through it and I just wanted to give you kind of full transparency about the audio of this episode so that you know going into it that the audio quality is not our best. 

The second thing, I wanted to tell you a little bit about Byron Katie's work and sort of what she does and what she works on to give you some context going in this conversation, because we really kind of jumped into things in medias res, and I want to make sure that you have the right tools and the right context to understand what's going on and what we’re talking about. 

The Work, as it's called, is a method of inquiry. It's essentially a series of questions that you can use to break down negative thoughts and limiting beliefs and it's a framework that I’ve personally used many, many times. It's really impactful and really powerful and it's a simple four-question framework. The first question you ask yourself, and then then there's what she calls at turnaround at the end of that. The first question is; when you have a limiting belief or a negative thought, let's say, “I'm not good enough,” or “I can't sell,” or “That person doesn't like me,” etc. We’ll use I can't sell as this example. 

So the first question you have to ask yourself with the inquiry is, ”Is this true?” and I'll give you the four questions and then we'll go briefly into them and then we'll talk to Katie. So the first question is, “Is this true?” and that's kind of your gut reaction. The second question is, “Can I absolutely know that this is true?” That's a much deeper question. It's really hard to absolutely know really anything, and in many ways our perception of reality is often very skewed and limited and kind of low resolution, to borrow a phrase. 

The third question is, “Who do I become, or who am I when I believe that thought to be true?” When you're going through these questions, often the best thing to do is to kind of take some time, journal about this belief or this limiting belief or this negative thought and spend some time on each of these questions. So who do I become when I believe that thought to be true? 

Then the last question is, “Who would I be without that thought?” and this is an opportunity to create an image of your life, your experiences without that negative belief. Then finally, you have what she calls, what Katie calls a turnaround, and this is essentially a new belief or a new thought or sort of a reverse of the negative thought that you had before. So if your belief was, “I can't sell,” for example. You’d start with, “Is that true?” and your gut reaction might be, “Yes. It's true. I'm never been successful at sales.” 

Then the question, “Can I absolutely know that that's true?” Well, absolutely knowing that something is true is very different then thinking that it might be true. So do you absolutely know for a certain that you're not good at sales? Can you prove that scientifically, or is that just been your experience so far? Would it be possible that maybe with some changes in your behavior or the right coaching or the right strategies or a change in your mindset that you could be good at sales? Is it possible that other people that have a similar personality or background have succeeded at some point in the past at selling? It's definitely possible, and so it's much harder to know absolutely if that's a true belief or not. 

The third thing; start to look at what is your life look like when you believe you can't sell or when you believe that negative belief really create a vivid scenario how much suffering, how many problems? What does it cost? What does that stop you from achieving and doing? And then working with that last question, “Who would I be without this belief.” Who would you be without the belief that you couldn't sell? You would be out there hustling, making your dreams come true, achieving the things you want to happen, being successful, building your life. 

Again, sales is just an example. You can do this with any limiting belief, but that's a really simple one and a lot of people have the belief. So it's a good example. Then the turnaround of that would be something as simple as, “I'm an amazing salesperson.” So that's kind of an example of the four questions. Now we’re going to segue into the interview. 

I just wanted to give you a little bit of context, because, again, we kind of jumped in right in the middle of things, and I wanted you to know what the four questions are, what a turnaround is and how that all feeds into this conversation with Katie. 

I also wanted to point out briefly that this episode, much like occasional episodes we do, like Robert Thurman and others, is less grounded in science and research, but, again, I think this framework is really powerful and impactful. Certainly made a big impact on my life, and so I still found it valuable to share it with you. 

So, now for the episode. Remember, the audio quality, not the best. I apologize profusely for that. But I still think there is value in this conversation, and so I wanted to share it with you today. 

[0:07:51.0] MB: Today we have another amazing guest on the show, Byron Katie. Katie, as she’s affectionately called, is an American speaker, author and founder of the method of self-inquiry known as The Work. She's worked with millions of individuals at both private and public events, at prisons, hospitals, treatment centers, universities and schools. She's the author of three bestselling book and her work has been featured in Time, The Huffington Post, Oprah and much more. 

Katie, welcome to The Science of Science. 

[0:08:16.2] BK: Thank you, Matt. Thank you for having me on. 

[0:08:19.5] MB: Well, we’re very excited to have you on here today. So I’d love to start out with and really kind of explore some of the fundamental premises of The Work. Starting out, and this is something that I think about a lot. We talked a lot about in the show, is what happens when people argue with reality or don’t accept things kind of as they are?

[0:08:43.2] BK: Well, it’s like war breaks out in those moments. If I believe — For me, I’ll just talk about myself and my own experience. If I fall down and scraped my knee, to me, it’s like some kind of amazing, awesome experience, because it’s not about me scraping my knee. It’s about the experience of actually noticing what I tripped on. Noticing the falling in real-time, and it’s like in slow motion even though it appears to other people as happening quickly. 

Then scraping my knee is an experience. As I understand after years of inquiry, that all pain is either remembered or anticipated. I get to be in that experience and I don’t miss it and it would be — I have experience of falling down, like — I don’t know, maybe 50 steps, and in that slow motion, because I’m not anticipating where I’m going to land or where I’ve been. It’s like I don’t miss the miracle of life, and all these years I cannot find anything to argue with. 

Now, if I fall down prior to me discovering this inquiry in myself, if I would argue with someone, I had to be right. And I say one thing, they say something else that contradicts it, then I have to argue my point. But today I say something, let’s say my husband says something else, an entirely different point of view, I have some something to contemplate, because more often than not, people are right. Even if they’re not, it gives me another point of view. It gets me in touch with who they are. 

There’s so much there that I could go on and on and on about that people are here to educate me, not the other way around. So I love listening and thinking for myself, because ourselves are all we’re ever going to deal with. 

[0:11:09.1] MB: There’s a lot of different things that I want to unpack from that. Let’s start with the concept of having to be right. For someone who’s not familiar with you and your work, what happens on why do people get caught up in having to be right? 

[0:11:24.8] BK: It’s ego-based. It forms our identity, and if I can hang on to what I believe, then I am right, and that is always an I-ego that’s right, that there’s an argument. But if someone has another point of view, even if it directly contradicts mine, even if they’re appear to even be angry in it, am I listening beyond what I’m believing about their anger? Am I listening? Am I open? Am I growing and expanding this mind of mine? Is it something I haven’t considered before? I just don’t have to be right. I’d rather be free. We get stuck in that. 

If someone says, for example, “Katie, you’re wrong,” then my response would be, “I haven’t even considered that.” Maybe I might say that or I might just cut to the chase and say, “Tell me more. Tell me where I’m wrong.” So now I have my point of view and I have someone else’s point of view that can move me forward and even more with a mind that’s even more open and educated. 

Why do people get caught up and having to be right? Because we’re believing our thoughts. But what if we questioned what we were believing? If we have an open mind, that’s where the freedom lies. Moving out of a stuck place and to a place that is more informed, a more enlightened point of view and free, free to grow. 

[0:13:17.1] MB: I think that’s a great point. I want to dig in and circle back. Can you share again and just talk briefly about sort of the importance of each of the different questions and sort of the four questions of the work? We’ve talked a lot and had some examples of about how you can apply it in a context. But just for listeners who want to have sort of each of them as a tool that they can use, will you share each of the questions and sort of how that question functions and works?

[0:13:42.3] BK: Yes. Is what I’m believing true? Now, the ego will take that inquiry over if we don’t write — Read through it as a one liner, like he doesn’t care about me. If I don’t write it down, and I have a worksheet for that on [inaudible 0:14:01.5].com. It’s always free, of course. I write it down. So there it is, my thoughts on paper. Another way of saying that is my mind is stopped. It may be running radically in my head, but that portion I want to question is written down and it’s clear. So he doesn’t care about me. There it is in writing. 

Okay. Now the mind is going to try to shift all over the place and I’m going to keep coming back to what I’ve written. Just simple assumption, and the mind would say, “No. It’s true.” So I won’t call it assumption here. Just a concept, judgment. So he doesn’t care about me. 

So I want to know for myself if that’s true, if what I’m believing about him is true. I want to know, because a person can say, “I care about you,” and we don’t believe them anyway. Sometimes we do, sometimes we don’, but we don’t necessarily believe them anyway when they say, “I do like you.” So I’m questioning, he doesn’t care about me. So it is true?

So now I’m going to contemplate that and I’m going to anchor on that situation, last night at that social event, where I was standing, where he was standing, I’m going to contemplate as I witness that situation again in my mind. So I’m going to anchor there, he doesn’t care about me. Is it true? And I’m going to witness and I’m going to listen, and I’m not going to — If it’s a yes, it’s true. If I’ve really witnessed that, and that’s what I come up with, then that’s my answer. If I come up with a no and I’ve really witnessed the situation from last night again and in my mind’s eye. As I meditate on that moment, if I come up with a no, then that’s my answer. 

Then the next question I would move to, there are only four questions, is, “Can I absolutely know that it’s true he doesn’t care about me?” And I’m going to contemplate that. If the answer was no, I just move on to three. If the answer was yes, I’m going to give it some more time, and I absolutely know that it’s true, he doesn’t care about me. 

Now I’m not going to guess just no, because the word absolutely is there. I’m going to really meditate on that moment in time until I’m listening. So my answer can still be yes. That’s okay too. I’m going to continue with the next question and notice how I react, notice in my mind’s eye witnessing last night’s event, that situation in my mind’s eye now as I sit this morning meditating on that moment in time how I reacted when I believed the thought, how it felt, what I said, what I did. I’m going to silently witness how I reacted last night. I’m going to be shown in my mind’s eye this morning witnessing how I reacted when I believed the thought he doesn’t care about me. I’m going to witness it this morning in real-time, then I’m going to be shown, and a lot of emotions come up.  

So I can see how I reacted, and when I feel educated there, like I really am aware of how I reacted and what happened and how it felt, what I said, what I did, then I’m going to move, “Would I be in that same situation if I didn’t believe the thought he doesn’t care about me?” Really, I’m just taking that PostIt off of him and I’m witnessing him and I’m witnessing me and I’m listening to what he said [inaudible 0:18:05.6] doesn’t care about me. My mind is very open, extremely open, because I’m not at that social gathering now. I’m at home along sitting in my chair meditating in that moment in time. So I can see without the thought he doesn’t care about me. I experience clearly that when I believed the thought, that was because of my suffering. It wasn’t him. What I would be without the thought? I’m listening, I’m at ease. Who am I when I believed the thought? How do I react? Very stressed out. So is what I’m believing about him, that is the cause of my suffering. 

Then I turn it around, he doesn’t care about me. I don’t care about him. Then I witnessed, I continued to stay anchored in that last night event, that moment in time, he does care about me and open my mind and see if I can find any clues. I’m not going to concoct something. I’m not making nice. I’m not using positive affirmation. I really want to know and to know I have to get really still and listen and be shown what I missed last night, because my mind was so — I was so believing he doesn’t care about me. He does care about me. I’m going to sit there until I can see just try on like that new pair of shoes or boots that I’m trying on. Just witness maybe the least of all thing, he does care about. It has to be the real deal. I really got to know. 

When I have said in that, meditated there, I’m going to see if I can find another opposite to he doesn’t care about me. I don’t care about him. That’s an opposite. So where is it that I was uncaring last night? Now I’m going to witness again. If I was, again, anything against my most intelligent self, my wisest self, my kindest self. Those are terms for kind, true nature. It’s a match to the heart, to kindness. I don’t care about him. 

So I’m going to see things here in my situation. Things that I need to admit to him in our next conversation, and things I need to apologize for. I going to get that job down, because peace is another word for wise. Peace is what I’m about, because I know there’s a way from experience, and that’s my invitation, and I do this by invitation. He doesn’t care about me. I don’t care about him. Then I make that right. [inaudible 0:21:13.2] right. He doesn’t care about me. 

Then there’s another one; I don’t care about him. He doesn’t care about me turned around, I don’t care about him. Where is it that I was uncaring about myself in that situation? Then I witness the ways that I really did, that I really was out of order, and that’s not carrying about me. Anytime something like that shows up, it shows me I’m doing the right things sitting in this inquiry. It’s a beautiful thing, this unending circle, this love affair with the self. 

When one loves themselves or care about themselves we’ll see in this situation, then we begin to care about others. I don’t like me, I don’t like you. If I like me, I like you. So there’s only one person to ever work with in this world, and it’s always one self. I can’t change you. It’s difficult enough to change me, and only enlightenment changes me. I can’t pretend change. It’s going to catch up with me. It’s the truth that sets me free. To care about me, is to care about you. 

That’s the just 20 minutes every morning, sitting in one’s self. Just that inquiring mind. I’m great. I think Socrates said, if I’m not mistaken, an unquestioned life is not worth living, and that certainly is my experience.

[0:22:59.6] MB: So just to clarify and make sure listeners understand. The example you’ve been using kind of throughout this is if you ran into somebody at a dinner party and you got the impression that they didn’t like or kind of rub you the wrong way, this is a way that you could use the questions of The Work to break down that belief and decide, is that really true, and sort of get at the root and sort of the underpinnings of your thoughts and around that and the negative emotions that you experienced bout that. 

[0:23:27.5] BK: Yes. Just to see what’s true and what’s not. We’re guessing, and we walk around with these minds that are just — How do we react with these thoughts running on our head. Notice the energy it takes. It brings us up. We could be living wiser, kinder lives and really taking care of what needs to be taken care of with it not being all about me. 

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I’m a huge fan, personal user of the product, and I wanted to share that story with you, but they’re offering something special for listeners of the show. Anybody who’s listening can get 15% off of their first order of Ample, and this is exclusively for The Science of Success listeners. All you have to do is when you’re checking out at amplemeal.com, just use the promo code success15 to check out to get your 15% discount on your first order of Ample. I highly recommend checking it out if you’re looking for something simple, easy and on-the-go. 

I also wanted to tell you about our second sponsor for this episode, Ample K. Ample K is the first all-in-one keto meal to provide sufficient healthy fats in a powdered and mix on-the-go format. I’m a huge Ample user as well. In fact I’m having an Ample for breakfast today, and they sent us a couple of free samples. It took me forever to actually try one, and once I did I was completely hooked. There’s like 400 calories, almost 30 grams of protein. A great balance of healthy nutritious fats. It’s really exactly what you could look for in a sort of a meal, powdered meal on-the-go shake, and I have probably three or four Amples a week. Great. 

I just ordered along with the producer of the show, Austin, who’s also a big fan of Ample. We just ordered a huge — Like whatever the biggest boxes. We have these giant boxes of Ample just come in. I’m a huge fan of Ample as well. So I’m really excited to have them be a sponsor. 

For a limited time, they’re offering our listeners 15% off of your first order of Ample K. So to get this exclusive offer only for Science of Success listeners, you can go to amplemeal.com and use the promo code success15 at your check out to claim a 15% discount of your first order of Ample K. 

Back to the show. 

[0:27:56.2] MB: So tell me a little bit more about this notion of believing our thoughts. If somebody is listening to this and they’d never really kind of woken up to the fact that getting caught up in your own world and not accepting reality and believing your thoughts can cause so much pain and suffering in your life. What does that mean to believe our own thoughts? Why shouldn’t we do that?

[0:28:19.1] BK: Well, we do, but it can really painful. If someone contradicts what I believe, then if I’m ego’s in play, I’m going to stay stuck and that’s going to look like argument. So after the argument, let’s say I argue with that person. I’m right, and they say, “No. I’m right. Here is why.” “Well, I’m right, and here is why.” We have that going back and forth. Later I can sit down and question it. For example, they say I was wrong. 

So I invite people to contemplate, and what they’re believing that causes stress and to question it. So I’m wrong that person says, and so I see them as wrong. I’m going to sit down later and I’m going to just consider that they’re wrong. That’s what I’m believing. That person is wrong in what they say. The first question, there are only four; is it true? Can I absolutely know that it’s true that that person is wrong at what they say? And I’m going to contemplate that out of my own personal experience, because that’s all I have. This is inner work. So I’m meditating on that moment in time in that argument and I’m going to anchor there in this meditation and then I’m going to contemplate and witness in my mind’s eye with my eyes closed how I reacted when I believed the thought that he’s wrong. 

So now I’m going to the first thing that we usually are in touch with, our feelings and emotions. So he’s wrong. How do I react when I think that thought? I can witness that moment in time and actually feel it as I see it in my mind’s eye. I’m sitting in a chair on the phone and he was so, so, so wrong. How did I react when I believed that, the emotions? So I’m going to take my time as I continue to meditate on that moment in time when I believed he was wrong. 

Then I’m going to witness the argument. What I said and how my voice would rise and fall and the indignation maybe, that righteous indignation of, “I know,” and I’m going to witness that very stressful moment in time. Then I’m going to move to that last question of the four and witness who would I be without the thought he’s wrong? 

So that allows me in real-time now to really listen and hear and contemplate what he was actually saying. So now I’m in a place where I can hear him. There’s no one to argue with, so I’m listening to his voice, the voice of then now, and now my mind is starting to open. It’s as though I’m taking that post-it off of him. Those stick post-it, he’s wrong, he’s not listening, he is stuck, he is trying to hurt my feelings, etc. Who would I be without those post-it’s that I’ve put on him in that experience? Who would I be without my story? Who would I be without the thought he’s wrong? 

Again, this is meditation, and it takes an open mind. A mind that would rather be free than right, and it doesn’t mean I’m not right. But where am in in opposition to anything that would confound what I believe, that’s ridiculous. It’s crazy. Everyone has a lie to what they think and believe and say, and I’m at war with another human being. So I just notice all of that. Then I find opposites. I just experience opposites, like he’s wrong with what he’s believing. I’m might turn it around to; he’s right in what he’s believing. That can feel really stunning at first, even confrontational at first, because the ego is at play here. It needs to be right to exist, to apparently exist. 

So he’s right in what he says. So now I have to get really still and I have to consider with an open mind, is it possible that he’s right about that? Now that taps me into a whole other world, a whole other world that I was blind to as I was defending my own identity. I am the one who knows. I’m right. 

So after contemplating that turnaround, that opposite, I’m wrong in what I believe. I’m wrong in what I believed to be true. Now after listening to him in this silence, hearing now what I couldn’t hear then, I could be wrong, I believed. So I have his information now that I’ve taken in, because now it’s always a safe place to listen again. So my entire mind is being shifted, and I’m ending the war with him, a disagreement with him and I’m doing nothing, but sitting in these questions and experience and what I was believing then that caused me more the disturbance and me to be so small-minded. It still doesn’t mean that I’m wrong when I said that I am wrong in what I believe. It can certainly flow over to what I pointed to earlier, I began to realize that he has a right to his opinion and I feel closer to him, because I know his internal and where he’s coming from. So I’m more connected. I’m closer. I’m more respectful when I run into this human being again, because all these post-its I had on him have dropped. I’m a better listener with everyone. I understand without having to plan it, that listening is powerful. I understand that I’m more connected when I am not overwriting another human being’s belief system. I’m more aware that when I will stay at war, arguing with someone, that I miss what they have to say. I’m missing valuable points, and it disconnects me from that person. I’m learning so much, I can go on and on and on. It becomes a way of mind. 

There’s nothing we cannot apply — I call it The Work. It’s inquiry. But four questions [inaudible 0:35:33.0]. And there’s nothing we cannot apply this to in our lives. It’s a way to end our own ignorance, and war is ignorance, and it would be if you imagine you at breakfast this morning, then would see you, let’s say, at your kitchen table or grabbing a piece of toast on your way out the door. Whatever it was for you. Then if you imagine yourself at dinner tonight, then you have that self of that past in your mind’s eye, that self of the future in your mind’s eye, and then the self listening now. So who are you? You know the question; who am I? It really is not a tough question. I am not that self at breakfast. That is a me in my mind’s eye and that is not me at dinner tonight. How do I know I’m not there? How do I know that’s not my self at breakfast? I’m not there. 

But that’s where we live. We live in past future. But what if we were just aware, and it’s not to stop these images and what we believe on to these images. That’s not the trick. The trick is to be aware. To be awake to what is reality and what is fantasy. So we can do the work that we are here to do, and it’s not a stupid way to live or ethereal thing that I’m pointing to here. It is you, that wise self that isn’t diluted or spread all over the place. If you want to little guilt, give it past. If you want a little wear and tear, get a future, or just the difference. 

For me, it’s not enough to just see these images. We have to question what we’re believing on to these images of past future to get free of those selves, to wake ourselves up to the self and live this selfless life and which we found a little strange to some ears. 

[0:38:06.5] MB: What’s one kind of short, simple piece of homework or actionable advice you could give to somebody listening so they could start implementing the work in their lives? 

[0:38:16.3] BK: To go to thework.com and the simple directions are there, and if you need a little help, there is a free help line on thework.com, and there are facilitators there to support you in how to fill in the worksheet. There’s also a one belief at a time worksheet. There’s also an app online. Just go to the app store, The Work, and the directions are there. I have a nine-day school for The Work coming up in March that I just can’t recommend strongly enough for people who can afford those nine days out of their lives and the money it would take to get to the school for The Work, and that’s why it’s free on thework.com for people who cannot afford those two things; the time and the money. It’s nine days of just stepping out of the world and identifying what we’re thinking and believing about sexuality and fear and terror and relationships and money and ourselves and others and — What else, James? 

[0:39:36.4] J: Oh! About our attendance and technology and the government. The whole world, really. 

[0:39:44.3] BK: Whatever we encounter in life just as a usual. It’s nine days just to sit in that with my guidance there. A lot of experience. Nine days, when we step out of those nine days, the work, this inquiry. It’s just a part of our mind. It is like everything I think ends in a question mark, and those nine days — This happens for everyone. It’s like he doesn’t care about me. Oh! He doesn’t care about me. When inquiry is alive in us, it’s like he doesn’t care about me? It’s a whole different thing. It’s like, “Oh! I did it wrong.” “Oh, I did it wrong?” It feels like that. The whole mind shift literally turns around. 

So, of course, my job is to make sure that people know these questions exist and that anyone with an open mind can do this. It’s stepping into another world. The world that I came from was one of more than a decade of serious depression, and my world now is — It shifted so radically, that even my children didn’t recognize me. Same body, different mind. It’s radical. 

[0:41:13.1] MB: Katie, where can listeners find you and The Work online?

[0:41:17.7] BK: Instagram, Facebook, thework.com, byronkatie.com, and my books are on Amazon, or you can find those on thework.com as well. People can — It may sound a little strange, but they can always find me inside themselves as I, like you, Matt, we can only be no more and no less than people believe us to be. The bottom line is who do I believe me to be and who do I believe you to be? That’s the world I love.

[0:41:52.5] MB: Katie, thank you so much for coming on the show, sharing all these wisdoms. The questions from The Work have been tremendously impactful in my life and really help me deal with a lot of limiting beliefs and negative thoughts. I really personally thank you for creating that framework and thank you for coming on the show and sharing your stories and experiences with our listeners. 

[0:42:11.0] BK: Oh! You’re so welcome, Matt. Again, thank you for your good work and for having me on. 

[0:42:16.1] MB: Thank you so much for listening to The Science of Success. We created the show to help you, our listeners, master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story or just say hi, shoot me an email. My email is matt@successpodcast.com. That's matt@successpodcast.com. I'd love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener email. 

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Next, you're going to get an exclusive chance to shape the show, including voting on guests, submitting your own personal questions that we’ll ask guests on air and much more. Lastly, you’re going to get a free guide we created based on listener demand, our most popular guide, which is called How to Organize and Remember Everything. You can get it completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide by signing up and joining the email list today. Again, you can do that at successpodcast.com, sign up right on the homepage, or if you're on the go, just text the word “smarter” to the number 44222. 

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Thanks again, and we'll see you on the next episode of The Science of Success.


March 08, 2018 /Lace Gilger
Emotional Intelligence
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The Secret That Silicon Valley Giants Don’t Want You To Know with Dr. Adam Alter

March 01, 2018 by Lace Gilger in Mind Expansion

In this episode we discuss the danger of getting addicted to your screens. We look at how technology is designed to be as addictive as possible, and how those addictions specifically make you spend more time on things like social media and news that make you less happy. We discuss how screens rob us of time and attention and why it’s so hard to break away from them. We also look at how how you can structure your environment to spend more time away from your phone and create ways to get out of these addictive behavior loops with our guest Dr. Adam Alter. 

Dr. Adam Alter is an Associate Professor of Marketing at New York University’s Stern School of Business, with an affiliated appointment in the New York University Psychology Department. His research focuses on judgement, decision making, and social psychology. He is the bestselling author of Drunk Tank Pink, and Irresistible, and his work has been featured in The New York Times, The Washington Post, WIRED, and much more!

  • Technology programs like Facebook are not designed to make you happy - their designed to be as addictive as possible and consume you

  • Steve Jobs didn't let his children use iPads

  • Why technology giants in Silicon Valley often don’t let their children use technology (and why that’s important for you)

  • The four negative affects of being addicted to your screens

  • Your psychological wellbeing

    1. Your threshold for boredom declines dramatically

      1. Bordem is good, it creates creative and divergent thinking

    2. Negatively impacts your social wellbeing

    3. Lowers your emotional intelligence and your ability to read the emotions of others

    4. Negatively impacts you financially

    5. In app purchases

    6. Negatively impacts you in a physical way

    7. Too much time in front of screens

  • Screens rob you of time and attention

  • Can’t get into Deep Work

    1. Get less sleep

    2. Not spending time being present, enjoying time with loved one and friends

  • The Drug of Choice Today is the PHONE

  • There’s a huge rise in behavioral addictions today

  • Social media and news make you LESS HAPPY when you use them - leaving you hollow and unfulfilled

  • People spend 3x time on average on apps that make them unhappy

  • Is Adam a luddite for hating on smartphones?

  • AR and VR will make it even more difficult to break away from technology addiction

  • Apps today are built like slot machines - they are intentionally designed to hook you and not let you go

  • The same strategies used to keep people gambling are used in apps and technology to keep you addicted

  • Humans don’t like open loops - goals help close them

  • “Email is a lot like zombies” - you can kill them all and they just keep coming

  • The abscence of stopping queues makes technology keep you addicted

  • How can we mindfully create stopping queues in our own lives?

  • You must become the architect of your own environment to control your own stopping queues

  • How to break your phone addiciton?

  • Set alarms to get off technology

    1. Make your phone as physically far away from you as possible

  • You can engineer experiences that encournage positive outcomes, just like you can engineer negative outcomes

  • Games can treat pain - playing a game during a physically painful experiecne takes your pain away

  • Actively introduce a rule that physically distances you form your device - that’s the best way to do it

  • It’s not easy or desirable to live in a tech free universe

  • Propinquity - the things that are close to your physical space have the biggest impact on your psychological experience

  • The story of “Drunk Tank Pink” and how subtle changes in your environment can create huge changes in your behavior

  • Homework - create as much distance as possible between yourself and your phone every single day

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This weeks episode is brought to you by our partners at Brilliant! Brilliant is math and science enrichment learning. Learn concepts by solving fascinating, challenging problems. Brilliant explores probability, computer science, machine learning, physics of the everyday, complex algebra, and much more. Dive into an addictive interactive experience enjoyed by over 5 million students, professionals, and enthusiasts around the world.

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Show Notes, Links, & Research

  • [SoS Episode] Why You Shouldn’t Follow Your Passion & The Rare Value of Deep Work with Cal Newport

  • [SoS Episode] Everything You Know About Sleep Is Wrong with Dr. Matthew Walker

  • [Article] Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation? By Jean M. Twenge

  • [App] Moment

  • [Article] B.F. Skinner: The Man Who Taught Pigeons to Play Ping-Pong and Rats to Pull Levers By Marina Koren

  • [Twitter] Adam Alter

  • [Author Site] Adam Alter

  • [TEDTalk] Why our screens make us less happy - Adam Alter at TED2017

Episode Transcript


[00:00:06.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:12.1] MB: Welcome to The Science of Success, the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the internet with more than a million downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries. In this episode we discuss the danger of getting addicted to your screens. We look at how technology is designed to be as addictive as possible and how those addictions specifically make you spend more time on things like social media and news that make you less happy. 

We also look at how screens rob us of time and attention and why it's so hard to break away from them. We also look at how you can structure your environment to spend more time away from your phone and create ways to get out of these addictive behavior loops with our guest, Adam Alter. 

I’m going to give you three reasons why you should join our email list today by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the homepage. There are some amazing stuff that's only available to our email subscribers, so be sure to go there, subscribe and sign up. There are some incredible stuff, including an awesome free guide that we created based on the listener demand called How to Organize and Remember Everything. You can get it completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide by signing up and joining our email list today. 

Next, you get a curated weekly email from us every single Monday called Mindset Monday. It’s short, simple, filled with articles, videos, stories, things that we found interesting or exciting in the last week. Listeners have been absolutely loving Mindset Monday, by the way. 

Lastly, you're going to get an exclusive chance to shape the show. You can vote on guests, help us change parts about the show, like our intro music, or even submit your own personal questions to our guests. Again, there are some incredible stuff, but you have to sign up and join the email list to get access to these things. So go sign up. You can sign up at successpodcast.com right on the homepage, or if you're out and about, if you're on the go, if you're driving around, just text the word “smarter”, that’s “smarter”, to the number 44222. That's “smarter” to 44222. 

In our previous episode we discussed how to become a super connector. We looked at the idea that networking is not about tactics. It's about a fundamental shift in how you think about interacting with people. We examine how to break free from the lazy and shallow networking that social media often creates. Discussed why you should never ask how can I help. Looked at the power of curiosity and asking better questions and much more with our guest, Scott Gerber. If you want to learn why you should throw out networking and start focusing on building real human relationships, listen to that episode. 

Now, for the show. 

[0:02:59.4] MB: Today we have another exciting guests on the show, Adam Alter. Adam is an associate professor of marketing at New York University Stern School of Business and as an affiliate appointment in New York University psychology department. His research focuses on judgment, decision-making and social psychology. He’s the best-selling author of Dunk Tank Pink and Irresistible. His work has been featured in New York Times, Washington Post, Wired and much more. Adam, welcome to The Science of Success.

[0:03:21.2] AA: Thanks, Matt. Good to be here. 

[0:03:22.8] MB: We’re excited to have you on here today. So something that we were talking about kind of before we started recording, which I think is a great starting point. There's been a lot of revelations in kind of the technology world in the last few months about the core thesis of your book, Irresistible. I’d love to start out with Sean Parker came out recently and talk about how Facebook is essentially designed to sort of make you addicted to it, and I’d love to hear your thoughts about both kind of what's been going on recently and also that idea more broadly. 

[0:03:50.7] AA: Yeah. It's one of the big questions people ask me whenever I speak about this work and the question I have is; are these companies just making the best product possible, which happens to be hard to resist because that's part of what makes a product good, it’s something you want to keep using, or is there an explicit call when they’re creating the product to get you to use it for as long as possible irrespective of whether that's good for you? For a long time I had to hitch, because it's hard to get behind the curtain of these companies. 

Then I think it was November, Sean Parker came out and said, “Well, actually, Facebook from its very early days was focused much less on the consumer well-being and much more on ensuring that you spend as many minutes as possible on, first, on the program online and then on the app.” That basically validated what I assumed to be true, and it certainly true at other companies. We've heard from other tech giants at other companies, early investors, people who are quite seniors in these companies saying the same thing, that essentially they’re in the attention economy. There’s a hot wall for your attention. There are a lot of different companies that are vying for your attention at all times. So every company in this arms race has to use every tool at its disposal, and as a result, they’re all trying their very best to tweak even very small features that they think will capture an extra minute or two here or there from everyone who uses the platform. 

Yeah, this is something that I’ve been focused on, and it's also — It's been great, because now when people ask the question, I actually have people that I can point to. I can say, “Yes. These companies admit, or the people who’ve invested in these companies admit that the companies are founded on the principle that we need to get you to use these products for as many minutes as possible, and actually, to be totally honest, your well-being as a consumer is a secondary concern.” 

[0:05:26.7] MB: It's interesting. I think you mentioned in your TED talk as well that, for example, Steve Jobs didn't let his children use iPads. 

[0:05:35.7] AA: Yeah. That was very surprising to me. It was quite early on in the research for the book and it’s one of the nuggets I discovered that led me to really pursue the book. What I basically found was that a number of tech giants were very, very careful about their own personal use and the use by their kids of the same products they were touting publicly. Publicly they’d get up on stage and say, “This is the greatest product of all time. You should all earn one. Your kids should earn one. You should use it a lot.” But then when you look at the way they approach the same products privately, behind closed doors, they were much more wary about their use. 

It’s, I wouldn't say, quite universal, but the number of tech giants in this position is pretty staggering. There’s a school in Silicon Valley that doesn't allow kids to use screens, like iPads. It's a private school. They don’t allow kids to use iPads until they’re in 8th grade, so roughly 13 or 14 years old, and 75% of the kids there have parents who work in fairly senior positions in Silicon Valley. So these are parents in the tech world who are choosing to send their kids to school that explicitly forbids the use of screens until age 13 or 14, which is staggering, I think. The idea that these are tech evangelists who are being very careful about how much tech they expose their kids to. 

I guess what that suggested to me early on was there was some digging to be done. What is it exactly that these people know that we don't know, the rest of us don’t know, and what should we be concerned about? If they’re not letting their kids near the same products they’re promoting publicly, should we also be concerned in the same way? What exactly is it we should be concerned about? And that's why I have spent so much time on this topic. 

[0:07:06.5] MB: So let's dig into that a little bit. Why exactly is it dangerous or bad to be addicted to our phones and our screens?

[0:07:14.7] AA: Yeah, it's a good question. So there are four main effects that spending too much time, not just on screens, but in general, in anyone behavior can have on your well-being. The four main areas, they can affect your psychological will being. So for example we know that when you spend a lot of time with screens your threshold for boredom declines pretty dramatically. This is what you see when you get in an elevator and people are using their phones even when they go in between two floors for three seconds in the elevator. No one is capable of dealing with boredom today. We all pull out our phones instinctively. It's important to be bored occasionally, because what boredom does is it pushes you to think a little bit different, be a little bit more divergently, a little bit more creatively. Otherwise, you keep thinking down exactly the same well-trodden paths over and over and over again. It's boredom that acts as a roadblock that pushes you into new territory. So that's one effect; psychological. 

Second effect is social. So we know that people who spend a lot of time on screens, especially kids but also adults, are less capable of distinguishing emotions, subtle emotions that other people are sending off to them or giving off to them. Especially kids again, are less capable generally as social beings. It becomes more difficult for them to interact with others. 

So for example, we take for granted that if humans are empathetic as a species. So we care about the well-being of others. Of course there were exceptions to that rule, but most of us don't like to be in the presence of someone whom we've hurt or whose upset or unhappy. That comes to some extent over time, you learn how your behavior affects other people. A child needs to sit in front of another child and take a toy from that child and see that other kid’s face crinkling and the tears start to flow to learn that taking someone else's things is not a good idea. But if that same child never gets that experience because most of his or her time is spent in front of screens for many of his or her first few years, that's obviously a problem. You never really developed those same capacities. 

Now, that the kids who were born into the smartphone and tablet ear now are now only about 7 to 10, maybe 11 years old, some of them. We don't know what they’ll look like when they’re teens, when they’re entering the workforce, when they run in government and so on, and there’s a chance that, in some sense, this generation that’s growing up with screens will look socially quite different from other generations that came before, and that I think is a big concern. 

We’ve got the psychological, the social, the financial. So a lot of the screen experiences we have can be quite costly for us. This applies especially to games, where you start playing a game, you end up deep down the rabbit hole and you spend many hours playing the game and then you hit a roadblock where the producer of the game says to you to continue playing now or to level up so that you are a stronger character in this game so that you can beat the next boss and continue, you’ll need to pay $10. Things like that, and a lot of people say that play these games with in-app purchases, these premium games where they end up spending hundreds, sometimes thousands of dollars that they don't have. So a lot of these addictive experiences are designed to capitalize on the idea that once you spend a lot of time immersed in them, you will end up spending a lot of money to continue, and so they can be financially quite damaging. 

Then the final consequence is physical, that some of us are spending a lot of time without exercise, without spending time outdoors, because we’re spending so much time in front of screens. So that's another fairly major concern. That, again, this whole generation is spending so much time sedentary in front of screens that we just aren’t exercising in the same way, we’re not moving around, and that's obviously bad for us. 

[0:10:40.5] MB: So let's dig in, I’d love to talk a little bit more about kind of the psychological aspect and some of the negative psychological consequences of screen addiction.

[0:10:49.1] AA: I think the main thing is how we develop socially and how we perceive the world socially. So if you spend a lot of time in front of screens, anything you do gets very delayed feedback, if it gets any feedback at all. This is one of the reasons why YouTube comments are so incredibly nasty, and a way that most people would never be face-to-face. We would never say most of the things that you see people on YouTube saying. It's not that everyone who is on YouTube is a horrible person or the people making these comments are horrible people, it’s that the platform allows you to distance yourself from the consequences of the things you’re doing. So if you're saying things that are critical, you can do that without accountability and without having to expose yourself to the negative feedback that you’d get as you obviously make the person who's posted the content upset or unhappy. It’s one of the consequences. 

I mentioned also that this tendency to boredom, to struggle with boredom in a way that we as a species haven’t been really had to struggle before, and again I think it's quite important that we caught boredom, that we accept it, that we deal with it, that we work our way through it so that we can get the other side where really interesting things start to happen. I think those are the two biggest consequences psychologically for us. 

But obviously when people say, “Why is this bad?” This is a personal question. The question is what exactly is your screen time encroaching on? So what is it taking away from? And for a lot of us it takes away from sleep, which is obviously psychologically very damaging. A lot of us it takes away from our ability to work an efficient way. So every time you check your email, which happens constantly for most of us throughout the day, depending on which statistics you look at, it can take a number of minutes for you to delve back into the task you are in before you check your email. As a result, you’re never really in the zone of maximum productivity. Email just keeps distracting. It keeps removing you from that zone. So you end up spending much longer, eating up many more hours doing much less good work. That seems like a problem as well. 

Of course, something that's very personal for many of us is the idea that spending a lot of time on screens means you're not spending time with loved ones, with friends. Even my wife and I a number of years ago noticed that we were sitting on the sofa together and we were both on our screens for sometimes hours at a time not speaking. The room was completely silent. And obviously that wasn't good for our relationship. And so we vowed to change the way we were using our screens in each other's company. So I think that there a lot of consequences, but the biggest thing that screens do, broadly speaking, is they eat up the time that you would spend doing things that I think can be for a lot of us very enriching and important throughout our lives. 

[0:13:16.4] MB: Those are great examples. It's funny, we've had a couple of previous guests who’ve touched on the importance of some of these different things. For example, talking about attention and having your attention being robbed. We had a previous interview with Cal Newport where he talked about deep work and how getting into that state of distraction-free work is such a highly valuable place to be. For listeners who interested, that’s definitely something you can check out. Or we had another one about how important sleep is, Dr. Matthew Walker. It’s incredibly important. It is amazing how few people actually get enough sleep and how important sleep really is for you. So I think that those are really, really key lessons. 

[0:13:52.4] AA: Yeah, I think so. I think this idea of deep work, of having time that's not fragmented during the day where you can really delve into a task. All of us take a little bit of time to get deeply embedded in the task to enter that state known as flow that's become so popular recently that’s proposed by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, the Hungarian psychologist. This idea that when you're in a flow state you really are embedded in the task, you stop noticing time passing. That requires a level of engagement that we don't really have very easily anymore. You have to actively turn off your emails, put your phone on airplane mode. Otherwise, you’re constantly interrupted. You’re removed from that flow state. 

Obviously, sleep, again is a massive thing. The fact that our ability to sleep is declining. The depth of our sleep is declining. What's most staggering for me about smartphones is that for the hour and a half before bed, if you happen to be exposed to the light that is emitted from a smartphone, your body effectively interprets that as a queue that it's daytime. So you’re inducing jetlag. Basically, by looking at your phone in the hour and a half before bed, you may as well be traveling across the world and subjecting yourself to the same effects that you'd have if you were jetlagged, which is not good for us, and a lot of us do that every single day. 

[0:15:03.4] MB: I'm curious, have you seen or read — There’s an article in the Atlantic in, I think, September of 2017. It’s called; Has Smartphones Destroyed a Generation? And it was all about how teenagers today are physically the safest teenagers in history; automobile accident, racer down, not getting into as much trouble, crime, etc. They’re very physically safe, but there are also sort of from a psychological standpoint experiencing record levels of anxiety and depression and negative psychological states and it’s because, essentially, they're just not leaving the house. They just sit in their bedrooms on their phones all the time. 

[0:15:40.3] AA: Yeah, it's a sort of staggering, depending on how you look at it, the staggering upside, is that the accident rate has declined. The other thing that's declined is teen drug addiction and drug use, and that's because the drug of choice today is the phone. It's the screen. So what usually happens is if there is a psychological deficit, if there's something that needs to be treated, you're unhappy or depressed, you're lonely or anxious, whatever it may be, some people turn to drugs in those cases. But what we usually do is we turn to the path of least resistance. 

Now, for those of us who have strong social networks and strong relationships, often the path of least resistance is to get social support, but if drugs are the path of least resistance, a lot of people turn to drugs. Today, for a lot of teens though, easier than drugs is just pick up your phone. Go and talk to someone. Go check Instagram for the 78th time that day. That is soothing in its own right, and it ends up being an alternative to drug use, which is a sort of perverse, but positive effect of this huge use of screens among teens and among other generations as well. 

But it also shows, I think, how powerful these screen experiences are, that they’ve become a substitute for drug use. It shows you that they have many of the same effects on us. They are effectively like drugs without the substance. So the thesis of the book, of Irresistible, is that there's been a huge rise in behavioral addictions. Behavioral addictions began with gambling. Gambling is not particularly new, but now you find many of the same mechanics that make gambling and slot machine so addictive in a lot of the experiences that we all have access to from birth. So there's been this huge rise of behavioral addictions that have replaced substance addictions to some extent and certainly replaced going out of the home, and so you do see a drop in accident rates as a result. 

[0:17:22.7] MB: I want to dig in to the science of behavioral addiction, but before we do, one of the other things I found fascinating was — There are a few apps that are kind of beneficial from the sense that they leave users happier before they started, but many of the apps that people spend the most time on, things like news, social media, etc., were actually some of the biggest culprits for making people unhappy. 

[0:17:45.5] AA: Yeah. This is something that I found very surprising, that the creator of an app called moment, this is a tracking app that basically measures how long you spend on your smartphone screen and what you're doing during that time. His name is Kevin Halasz, and he's in Pittsburgh, and I spoke to him and I asked him about some of the data which he shared with me, and what he does is he basically asks people a couple of questions as they’re using the app during the course of the day. He'll say, “What are you using now and how happy are you?” 

He finds that some things routinely make us happy and some things routinely make us less happy. Social media makes us less happy. We fill sort of hollow and unfulfilled. The same is true of spending hours trolling through the news. The same is true of a number of other things like spending a lot of time on games. We just feel a little hollow and unfulfilled when we do that. 

What he found looking through the data was that people spend about three times longer on the apps that make the most unhappy than on the apps that make them most happy. So we’re spending a huge amount of time doing things that are actively making us unhappy. Part of the reason for that is the things that make us unhappy are the things that are easiest to get hooked to or hooked on. It’s easiest to bake these hooks into those particular platforms, things like social media and games in particular. That's less true of the things that make us happy. The things that make us happy are educational tools, meditation tools, mindfulness tools. Those make us happy, but by nature they tend not to have those hooks built into them. They’re not designed to exploit you in the same way, and as a result we spend much less time on them. 

That I think really encapsulates the problem here that the screen itself is just a vehicle for content. It itself is kind of neutral and it can be used for the good of for the bad, and that's true of almost all tech. What we happened to be seeing today is that most of the things we do on our screens happen to be bad for us, happen to make us unhappy. That doesn't necessarily need to be true. There could be a world in which the things we do on our screens are good for us, that we do them in moderation, that the things on the screens that we interact with are not designed with maximum use in mind, but rather with maximum consumer well-being, and that’s what people like me, like a number of others, what we’re trying to suggest, that that is an alternative that's really appealing that I think we should work towards. 

[0:19:57.4] MB: So what you say to someone who hears this and sort of accuses you of being a Luddite?

[0:20:02.4] AA: Yeah. I mean, I think a sort of lazy description of what I'm saying and what people like me is saying. I think tech is absolutely miraculous. When I first moved to the United States in 2004 I had to talk to my family on the phone but could never really see them. The capacity of the web cams in those days wasn’t great. Now I have FaceTime, I have Skype I have incredible tools to expose my kids who are under the age of two, I have two children under two, to their grandparents who live in Australia. I think technology is a wonderful thing. I just think we need to be more mindful about how we use it. In fact we wouldn't be having these discussions if technology were bad, because no one would want to go near it. 

So I don't think tech is bad. I'm certainly not a Luddite. I don't think we should roll back the curtain to the 50s. I just think we should be more mindful going forward about how we use tech, and part of the reason why I think we need to be mindful is because we aren’t at some destination. The world we’re in right now is not the end point. We’re still moving forward, and we’ll look back in 10 years at Facebook and Twitter and Instagram and Snapchat and we’ll think of them as curiosities to some extent as early versions of what we’ll be doing in 10 years. We don't even know what that will look like. 

One thing we know, though, is virtual and augmented reality will become a bigger part of our lives as general consumers, that we already got a place, that we got a niche place in the world now, but if you speak to people in AR, in VR, in those tech worlds, they'll say to you that in the next few years we will all our own personal AR and VR devices. We’ll have goggles, possibly haptic vests that give us feedback as though we we’re actually immersed in that world, and when everyone owns those devices in the same way as they on the screens that we use today, on our phones and things like that, imagine how difficult it will be to immerse yourself in the real world, because what you’ll effectively be doing at any moment in time is trying to decide between this perfect idealized game universe and the complex, messy, real- world, and if we can't spend time in that real-world when we just have these small rectangular devices nearby, imagine how much more difficult it will be when we have whole rich phenomenal worlds in front of us that we can turn to. That's my concern, and I think we need to deal with this today and consider it today, because tech is marching forward as it should, but our ability to deal with it, to use it in a way that's good for us, I think is going to be compromised unless we are very careful about how we engage with tech and how much we allow it to take over our lives. 

[0:22:24.4] MB: I think this is a good point to kind of dig into a little bit more concretely, the biology of behavioral addiction and kind of what happens behind the scenes when we get addicted to these devices. Can you tell me little bit about that? 

[0:22:36.2] AA: Yeah. I think people are very focused on what's going on inside the brain during these experiences, and to me that's to some extent a red herring. It's not really the right question to be asking on its own. People will publish papers saying things like; when a teenager checks Instagram then sees a like, the brain will look much like the brain of a heroin addict. That's sounds really interesting. It sounds fascinating, and I think the public, when it hears things like that, freaks out, because that makes it sound like looking at a like when you’re a teenager as much like taking heroin, like taking a drug, and that sounds very concerning and alarmist. 

The thing is when kids eat ice cream, the brain also looks that way. When people who are being treated in hospital after surgery, when they’re getting very, very pure opioids, drugs that are treating the pain, their brains look the same way. The thing is when most people leave hospital after they've had that treatment, after they've had those pain drugs, they don't develop an addiction. Some people certainly do, but the people who leave a hospital who don't develop an addiction tend not to, because they have social support networks, they tend to have jobs that they return to, and it's not just about the fact that the brain is experiencing this great flush of pleasure, although that is certainly part of the biology here. It’s about that being paired with some psychological deficit with the thing that needs to be soothed, and that can be a lot of different things. For a lot of us it’s things like anxiety, or depression, or loneliness, and those things are certainly major concerns and they can be soothed by, for example, checking Instagram one more time. People, when they’re nervous and anxious, will do that. They will use their phones as a way of soothing those nerves, those concerns. But you need both of those things. You need that experience, that flush of pleasure that you get from the release of dopamine in the brain, but you also need to have that psychological deficit that that that experience is treating, that it's soothing. 

If you don't have that deficit, if you have strong social networks and social support and you have all of the frameworks that protect most people from those kinds of addictions. You won’t see these sorts of behavioral addiction. So you need pairing of those two things; the deficit and that flush of pleasure that comes from experiencing these rewards. 

Much of it really rests on unpredictable rewards. For example, if you look the way we play slot machines, we play and mostly lose, but when we win, there’s this huge flush of pleasure, this little spritz of dopamine that our body and brain interprets as pleasure, and that obviously feels very good to us in that moment, that unpredictable reward that comes through from time to time. That's true of how we experience a lot of social networking. We might post something, and every so often a post will catch fire and it will be shared widely, re-tweeted, re-gramed, shared, liked and so on. Many comments will be made in response to it, things like that. 

So this unpredictability, these unpredictable awards are a really big part of what drives us to pursue these experiences, and companies will bake them in, these unpredictable rewards. They are huge part of what they're trying to do. 

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Back to the show. 

[0:27:06.5] MB: So, in essence, these apps are being designed to function like a slot machine where you're getting kind of a variable reward that constantly keeps you addicted to it. 

[0:27:16.5] AA: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, basically if you follow the money, all of these begins with the gambling world, with the casino world, with the design of slot machines. Slot machines today am much more sophisticated than they ever were 20, 30. 40 years ago and they continue to become more and more sophisticated over time. There are very smart people who devote all their time to building a slot machine that gets you to sit down and play for as long as possible. 

Now a lot of the mechanics that go into that were then borrowed by game designers. If you're designing a videogame, you could take some of the elements of that slot machine experience and put them into your game. More recently still, people who are designing social networks and other apps in the online platforms are borrowing from those videogame designers who in turn borrowed from the gambling world. So the same tools that were being used to encourage people to gamble are being used to create irresistible behaviors and in domains like social networking, like app usage, like email, like texts, things like that, they use a lot of the same mechanisms. 

We've already mentioned one of them, which is this unpredictable or variable reward feature that humans find, and actually all animals find very, very attractive, and appealing, and interesting, and engaging. You even see this in pigeons, in rats, in monkeys, they will do the same thing. If you put some of them in a cage where if they push a button they will get predictable rewards. Say, every time they push a button 10 times, they get food. They will do that for a while and when they’re no longer hungry, they’ll stop. But if you put them in a cage where pushing a button is unpredictable, sometimes they'll push it three times and get a reward. Sometimes they’ll push it a hundred times and then the reward will only come then. The ones who are playing in that casino environment with uncertainty built-in, they will keep pushing that button long past the point when they’re hungry just because it's fun to see whether they’re going to win. And so these mechanics have very low level evolutionary roots, and they’re a big part of what's going on. 

Another thing a lot of these companies do is they are building goals, artificial goals. Humans don't like open loops. We like to close loops. We like things to be tied in a neat bow. What a goal is, essentially, is the opening up of the loop that isn't closed until the goal is reached. And so you see people with smart watches, with Fitbits, things like that who’ll say, Today, and in fact every day, I need to walk a certain number of steps, and the loop is open until I've hit that number.” 

So it may start out being 10,000 steps and you’ll do that for a few days. Your watch will beep to say you’ve hit 10,000 steps, and that's that little burst of positive reinforcement. But eventually what you find, and this again borrows from some of the terminology in the drug world, is you develop a tolerance. So 10,000 doesn't really do for you what it used to do. You hear that ding, but after 10,000, that's not really enough, and so you'll see people escalate. You typically see that people after they’ve walked a certain of number of steps for certain amount time will go to 11,000, or 12,000, or 14,000 steps, and so they escalate from there. 

This creation of goals that escalate over time also encourages engagement and increasing engagement across time. So those are just two of the mechanisms, but there are a whole lot of these little hooks that can be baked into products and experiences, all of which together make those experiences quite hard to resist. 

[0:30:18.5] MB: It's funny to see some of the lessons of B.F. Skinner’s work with pigeons many, many years ago. It’s some of the foundational work in kind of modern psychology. Has so many modern-day applications. 

[0:30:29.3] AA: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I think the basic principles of behaviorism, stimulus and response of doing something and receiving a reward for doing that thing. Those principles are very powerful. There’s a reason why they work in animals and why they work in humans. There are elemental parts of human psychology and of animal psychology as well. And so if you can find a way to weaponize them, to turn them into tools that get people to continue doing something that they might otherwise not do for their own well-being, they might turn to some other experience. 

That's when you start to see these kinds of outcomes, and that begins in the gambling world, but it obviously doesn't end there. We’ve now seen the same thing happening in social networking and use of email as a culture, and in fact almost entirely as a planet all rests on, basically, the same principle, the same set of principles that Skinner and then his successes discovered, that the way you present these pairings of stimulus and response of behavior, and the reward can guide people and animals behave in a certain way, sometimes many days or even months at a time. 

[0:31:30.1] MB: One of the other things that I find interesting with kind of modern-day applications and how they become addictive is the absence of stopping cues. Can you talk a little bit about that and why those are important?

[0:31:39.4] AA: Yeah. If you think about media in the 20th century, there was stopping cues everywhere. Stopping cues were little signals that say to you, “It's probably time to at least consider moving on to a new task.” If you think about the way we used to read books, you’d get to the end of a section or chapter. If you think about the way we used to watch longform TV where you'd have, say 12, or 13, or 22 episodes in a season, you’d get to the end of an episode, the episode would end and you would know that it would be another week before the next episode would come on the TV. So you knew that for that intervening period you had to do something else. The stopping cue was the end of one episode and then you had a week between that time and the next one. 

The same is true of the way we consume written material; newspapers, magazines, everything has a natural endpoint. You can either complete the whole newspaper or the whole magazine or you can just complete an article or a section of an article. Everything had these built-in stopping cues, these moments when you were led to believe, “Hey, it's time to move on now.” 

I think what the tech world, and in fact what the business world broadly is trying to do now is to remove as many of the stopping cues as possible. Again, going back to casinos, they’ve been doing this for a long time. There's a reason why casinos are dark. You can’t see what time of day it is. There were no clocks anywhere. They don't want you to have a cue that says, “Oh! 6 PM. It's time for me to stop.” They want you to just keep going, to lose track of time. 

The same thing happens on social networks. There’s a bottomlessness to feeds that we troll through. They automatically repopulate with new information. The same is true of news sites. The news just rolls on. You can find a million different interpretations of pretty much every event that occurs and you can keep reading endlessly. The same is true of email. Email just keeps coming. There’s one comment that email is a lot like zombies. You can kill them all one day and when you wake up in the morning there’ll be more waiting for you. 

And so this tendency for things to just roll on is really what's happening, the systematic eradication of the stopping cues, and that's made it harder for us to know internally that it's time to move on to do something new, and so we just perseverate. We spend much more time doing the same thing over and over and over again in the absence of these cues. 

You even see now this removal of friction from experiences happening in the way we shop. So Amazon Go, for example, the idea you can shop without needing to check out. That is the removal of a barrier. That's the removal of a friction point or a pain point that might have discouraged people from shopping for longer or shopping as often as they otherwise might. 

Big companies know the best way to encourage people to spend is to remove those friction points and to ensure that the point, the line between, “I think I need that thing,” to actually paying for the thing is as direct as possible, as straight as possible with as few barriers as possible. 

[0:34:20.8] MB: Is there a way that we can artificially create stopping cues in our lives?

[0:34:25.3] AA: Yeah. I mean, I think we have to be very mindful as consumers. You set your own stopping cues or your own stopping rules. You could set an alarm if there's something you want to be doing at a certain time. You need to set your own alarm because of this cycle, the platform itself may not do that for you. You see some people have 50 alarms programmed on their phones or even more alarms. Create one. Say something like, “In an hour, I’m going to watch this one episode of TV,” and with Netflix, for example, the next episode will automatically roll on. So there is no stopping cue there. But what I'm going to do is I know that in 47 minutes this episode will end. I'm in a set my alarm on my phone to ring at the 47 minute mark and I'm going to put my phone at the other end of my home, my apartment, whatever it is. The only way I’m going to be able to shut it off is to get up and walk over and turn it off. It's going to be annoying to keep watching while that alarm goes off constantly. So I’m going to be forced to get up and move. That is the stopping cue that you introduce yourself. 

There are lots of little things we can do. We become the architect of our own environments, or our own local environments. And that's the sort of thing you can do if you know that your self-control alone is not going to guide you to behave the way you'd like to behave your long term will be. So setting alarms is just an easy one. 

Another thing that a lot of people do is they’ll say, at a certain time of the day, “Every day, I will make sure that my phone is far away as physically possible.” Some people will start with dinner, for example, and they’ll say, “No matter where I am, who I'm with, what I'm doing, I'm going to take my phone and put it in the next room. It's going be either in a bag under the table or it's going to be in my bedroom locked in a drawer, and for the entire time I'm having dinner there will be no screens, no tech around whatsoever.” Things like that. I think these natural stopping rules that we have that when dinnertime begins, tech time ends. Those things become habits over time just through repetition, and I think the more mindful we are about how we’re using tech, the better equipped we are to create the stopping cues and to adhere to them. 

[0:36:21.7] MB: And what about more probably, are there opportunities to use some of the kind of the strategies that this technologist is using to make us addicted? Can we use those same tactics to break our addictions or even sort of, conversely, to create positive habits?

[0:36:37.5] AA: Yeah. It's an interesting question. I was grappling with this, and when I was writing the book I kept thinking about that. If these experiences are very hard for us to resist, truly, there are things we should be doing more of where it would be good for us to struggle to resist at least to some extent. Now, it's a slippery slope, right? If you think about the Fitbit, which I mentioned earlier, it's great that a lot of Americans who used to be sedentary are now moving around more, and that's one really positive effect of this smartwatch or fitness watch industry. 

The problem is that it can go too far. A lot of people go to the point of injury and then beyond. They’ll sustained major stress fractures and injuries. So even good things, you can have too many of those good things, and that's a concern. But having said that, I think you can think of a lot of outcomes that people struggle to achieve, things like exercising more, eating better, saving more money spending more time learning rather than procrastinating, things like that. I think you can engineer experiences that encourage those positive outcomes in the same way as you engineer experiences that are not great for you, that just suck up a lot of your time, and you can use many of those same tools, things like setting goals that open up a particular loop for you. That's one approach. 

Obviously, the variable reward you get. There are some companies where you never really know what you're going to get from there the app or the platform, but as you use the platform, you may get positive rewards. It may be a case where you don't get positive rewards and it’s unpredictable. There’s a variable reward feature built-in, and some people keep doing the thing over and over hoping that they'll get positive outcome. You can certainly use that to encourage people to save. So maybe you could create a little finance app where every time you take a little bit of money from your bank account to the app, every, say — There’s a randomizer built-in and occasionally the app itself will double the amount that you’ve just invested, which encourages you to invest more and also means that you're going to be encouraged to do it just because we know people like to find out if they’re winning, if they’ve won.

So you could imagine a lot of ways to bake these experiences into more positive contexts. We also know for example that games and other experiences can treat pain. There’s fascinating study showing that people who are being treated for burns, for very serious burns, when they’re having the dressing changed, which is very, very painful, they actually do better when they play certain virtual-reality games. They feel better, they feel less pain than when they’re given morphine. The reason is these Virtual-reality game experiences are so immersive that a lot of the cues that they normally spend so much time attending to, watching the burns being removed and anticipating the pain. Those are replaced by the subversive world they’re in the virtual-reality context. 

The immersive properties of virtual-reality might remove you from the here and now for the bad. That might mean that don't spend time with loved ones and doing work. But if you're having dressing changed of the burns, that's obviously a great thing to have, to have the option to be removed from the here and now. I think all of these is context based, and certainly a lot of the same tools can be used for the good. 

[0:39:34.2] MB: I know we touched on a couple of them, but are there any other strategies for breaking a phone addiction that you’ve found to be really effective?

[0:39:43.4] AA: I mean, I think always the best strategy is to actively introduce a rule that distances you as much as possible from the device. That sounds really simple, but it's easily the most effective and that's the easiest one. You want to pick a strategy that's not hard for people to follow and that they tend to adhere to. So the thing that's been most successful in my experience is people saying, “I'm going to pick at time and a space each day that is tech free,” and it may be dinner. It may be between the hours of five and seven. It may be the hour and a half before bed at the hour and a half after waking up. Those kinds of rules are very effective. 

I don’t think it's easy or desirable to live in a tech-free universe. Since the book came out, it's almost a year now, I've had maybe half a dozen emails from people who say to me, “I don't use tech at all. I’m tech-free,” which makes me wonder why they're emailing. Anyway, that aside, let's imagine the email is the only form of tech they’re using. That seems undesirable to me. It's very hard to be exist in the mainstream world when you are completely tech free. You can't really work easily. You can't interact with other people very easily to a large extent, especially people who aren’t nearby. It's hard to travel and so on. 

So I don't think what we’re trying to do here is say that people shouldn’t use tech at all, but just that they should use less of it and use it more carefully. We know that in the last two years, from 2015 to late 2017, the average time spent by an adult on screens went from three hours to four hours a day. Now three hours is staggering, because we don't have that many free hours in the day. It's now four hours. So in the space of just two years it went up in a whole hour, so an increase of 33%. Not much changed about the infrastructure. We’re still using smartphones. We’re still using tablets. VR and AR had not gone mainstream. So I this is, I think, in a bit of a concern. So what we can do is just roll that back a little bit. Look at your feedback, download a tracking app. Try to implement these strategies like not using your phone at certain times and then look at whether your usage goes down over the course of weeks and months, and it should. If you’re using the strategy and adhering to it, it certainly should go down and you should find that you have more time to do other useful important enriching things with your time. 

[0:41:59.7] MB: It's funny, that reminds me of kind of one of the simplest or easiest strategies to lose weight or stop snacking, which is basically just don't have snacks in your house. And that’s something that kind of we do at our house. I’ll often find myself two or three times a day sometimes going and looking in the pantry, looking in the fridge. There's no snacks to eat of any kind, but I keep doing it, but then there’s nothing that I end up eating. So in many ways it’s kind of the same strategy. As long as you sort of physically remove your phone and make it hard to access, you’re changing your environment enough that you can actually create behavioral change. 

[0:42:32.9] AA: Yeah. I mean, it seems simplistic, but it actually works. We know that very old principle in psychology known his propinquity. It’s basically the idea that the things that are occupying your physical space. The things that are closest to you in physical space have the biggest effect on your psychological experience of the world. 

It’s not surprising. It makes sense, surround yourself with people who are productive, you will be productive. Surround yourself with people who eat well and you will eat well. The same is true of the objects we surround ourselves with. If you keep your phone on you all the time, and we know that 75% of American adults can reach their phones 24 hours a day without moving their feet. They sleep next to their phones in addition to being with them during the day. You will use your phone more if that's your approach. 

So just as a very, very small step, try to make sure that for at least an hour or two, or 3, or 4 a day, and maybe when you're asleep as well, you would have to move your feet to get to your phone. Even that for many of us is an improvement. We keep our phones near us, they’re mobile for a reason. They’re basically almost implanted the way we use them. 

So the extent to which you resist that, I think, predicts whether you will be able to spend less time on your phone, and that seems like — For most people it's an admirable goal. When I speak to big audiences about this, I get a range of responses. Not everyone wants to change. Some people are quite happy with how much they’re using screens and tech, and that's fine. I think there should be a range. But the vast majority of people say they’d like to change either something bigger or something small, and I think a lot of the first steps are small steps that any of us is capable of making. So I think it’s something that certainly we could do better on. 

[0:44:06.8] MB: Getting into kind of the discussion of how environment shapes behavior reminds me of some of the core ideas from your first book, Drunk Tank Pink. I know we don't have a ton of time to go into it, but I’d love to just hear kind of a short synopsis or at least tell the story of Drug Tank Pink and kind of what that is and how it came about. 

[0:44:25.5] AA: Yeah. I've always been very interested in how very subtle changes in the world around us. As I mentioned, propinquity; this idea that things that are close to us have the big effect on us. I've always been curious about how subtle changes in the environment where in the people we surround ourselves with, the colors around us, the weather, all these different factors can have outsized effects on how we experience the world. So Drunk Tank Pink is basically a compendium of these effects. It looks at a whole range, from very small to very large cues and how they influence us. 

Starting very small with the things like the names we give each other, the names we give our children, the names we give companies, how that influences outcomes. All the way to very big physical cues, like the weather, the colors we paint rooms with. Drunk Tank Pink, the title, is based on an anecdote from the late 70s, early 80s. There was a couple of psychologists in Canada who decided they were going to test whether certain colors improve the behavior of students in schools, and the Canadian government allowed them to paint a whole lot of different classrooms across Canada, and they used a whole lot of different colors from blues, to greens, to yellows, and one of the colors they used was this bright pink. 

I found that the students in the bright pink rooms behave the best. The ones who were badly behaved before behaved better. They were more engaged. They became curious about the properties of this bright pink color and they found — They argued, at least, that bright pink tranquilized people. It was a nondrug tranquilizer that calmed people down and it made them more engaged. They started to use it in other place as well. They used it in jail cells, in a naval prison. This is where it gets the term Drunk Tank Pink, it was the idea that you would take someone who is badly behaved, or drunk, or aggressive and put them in a drunk tank that was painted pink just briefly, and they would emerge 15 minutes later bitter behaved, more compliant, and that's what these researchers reported. 

Some football coaches started to use it as well. They paint the visiting locker room drunk tank pink colored where they wouldn’t do that for the home locker room. So, in theory, the visiting team would be tranquilized weaker. 

Even very recently, there were reports that some of the players of the Australian Open Tennis tournament has grand slam tennis tournament were wearing pink, because they thought they could tranquilize their opponents. They could weaken their opponents. It's a fascinating anecdote. 

The science behind Drunk Tank Pink is a little shaky, and may be more than a little shaky. We don't know how strong the effect is. It replicates on occasion, but not all the time. It’s not the most robust effect, but it's very interesting, and I thought it was a nice emblem for what I was discussing in the book, which is this idea that you could make changes to a feature in the world and that would then have big effects on how people engage with that world. And so that's what Drunk Tank Pink is. 

Then Irresistible is the natural flow on from there. After writing Drunk Tank Pink I started to wonder, “What is the biggest thing right now? The biggest cue that is shaping us?” I think, to a large extent, for many of us, by time and by its effect on our psychological experience of the world, it is the screens. It’s the technology we’re interacting with. 

[0:47:22.5] MB: What would one kind of piece of homework be that you would give somebody listening to this interview if they wanted to concretely implement some of the ideas we’ve talked about today? What do you think would kind of be one simple action step that you would recommend for them? 

[0:47:35.2] AA: I think it would go back to this idea of creating as much distance between yourself and your phone as possible for as much time of the day as possible. So I would say to everyone, it usually works better when you don't focus on time of day, because we’re doing different things at different times every day, but all of us eat dinner every day pretty much, most of us at least. Say, tonight, or if you don't want to start tonight, say, tomorrow night. Whatever you’re doing for dinner, your phone will not be within reach of the table. 

Ideally it should be in a different room. It should be on silent and it shouldn't be vibrating in a way that makes it noticeable. You should put it as far away from you as possible, and you may have a [inaudible 0:48:12.3]. You may experience, basically, withdrawal in the first day or two as you do this, but you will find that over time you enjoy dinner more. You’re more engaged with the people around you. If you're alone, it'll give you a chance to think. You don't have to be with other people obviously when you’re having dinner. But even if you're having dinner alone, maybe read a book. Just think. Sit and think. We do that so rarely now that it's a real luxury to have a chance to just sit and think. So that would be the first step, I think, is just to carve out this time in the day where every day you will be tech free, you will be free of your screens. 

I think in my experience working with a lot of people, almost everyone, it's almost universal that people feel better over time doing this. It makes the rest of the day a little bit brighter, a little richer, a little more interesting, and it certainly makes that moment, that screen free, more interesting and more enriching. 

[0:48:59.7] MB: Where can listeners find you and your books and your work online?

[0:49:03.4] AA: I have a homepage, adamalterauthor.com. I'm on Twitter, @AdamLeeAlter. The books, available wherever books are sold pretty widely, and so those, I think, are the best places to begin. 

[0:49:16.1] MB: Adam, thank you so much for coming on the show for sharing all these wisdom. Some really practical and powerful advice about how we can break our phone addictions, and I think it's really something that personally I’m going to take into account and change some of my own behavior. So thank you so much for coming on the show and for sharing all these wisdom. 

[0:49:32.5] AA: Thanks so much, and thanks for having me, Matt. 

[0:49:34.4] MB: Thank you so much for listening to The Science of Success. We created the show to help you, our listeners, master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story or just say hi, shoot me an email. My email is matt@successpodcast.com. That's matt@successpodcast.com. I'd love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener email. 

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Next, you're going to get an exclusive chance to shape the show including voting on guests, submitting your own personal questions that we’ll ask guests on air and much more. Lastly you’re going to get a free guide we created based on listener demand, our most popular guide, which is called How to Organize and Remember Everything. You can get it completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide by signing up and joining the email us today. Again, you can do that at successpodcast.com, sign up right the homepage, or if you're on the go, just text the word “smarter” to the number 44222. 

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Thanks again, and we'll see you on the next episode of the Science of Success.


March 01, 2018 /Lace Gilger
Mind Expansion
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How You Can Become A Superconnector with Scott Gerber

February 22, 2018 by Lace Gilger in Influence & Communication

In this episode we discuss how to become a “superconnector." We look at the idea that networking is not about tactics, it’s about a fundamental shift in how you think about interacting with people. We examine how to break free from the lazy and shallow networking that social media often creates, discuss why you should never ask “how can I help?”, look at the power of curiosity and asking better questions and much more with our guest Scott Gerber. 

Scott Gerber is CEO of The Community Company and founder of Young Entrepeneur’s Council. He is also an internationally syndicated columnist, the co-author of Superconnector and the author of Never Get a “Real” Job. Scott has been featured in the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, Bloomberg and has even been honored by White House.

  • How do we cut through the quagmire of endless linked-in connections, twitter followers and more?

  • Self awareness is one of the key attributes of super connectors

  • Rather than being authentic, we are being internet authentic - social media conscious

  • We have to reverse course away from the lazy networking of social media

  • Providing real signal, being human, allowing your humanity to show through - amplify your humanity

  • We have conflated the idea of connection with being connected

  • We live under the illusion that vanity metrics determine social status

  • Step one is the cultivation of emotional intelligence

  • Focus on being of service to others

  • Networking is not about tactics, its about a fundamental shift in how you think about interacting with people

  • One of the key principles to networking is that you have to be a real, authentic human

  • What kind of service / value do you want to bring to a community of peers?

  • Failure is often a result of not building your relationships and communities

  • Come from a true place of wanting to help others first

  • Don’t be a “networker":

  • A taker

    1. Out for yourself

    2. Wolf in sheeps clothing

  • We don’t live in a tactics world - we’ve created one

  • Get back down to the basics - guru nonsense, marketing hucksters etc are full of it

  • A connector thinks about - what questions / context do I need to ask that this person is not giving me, so that I can figure out how to play a role to help them in succeeding in life or business - where I can be helpful?

  • Focus on actually being helpful instead of just asking “how can I help you?”

  • Why asking “How Can I Help” is the Worst Question

  • You put the onus on the other person to tell a stranger how they can help

    1. Directionally it provides no guidance

    2. It shows you don’t care - because if you actually wanted to help, you would be curious, keep asking questions, to come up with a thesis and then say “here are some ways I CAN help, proactively”

    3. Offer actual assistance, not the platitude that you can help

    4. It’s the new social script - but it has no meaning or value

  • You MUST ask better questions. The best connectors are curious.

  • Most people like to talk about how obvious things are, but they never actually implement it.

  • Great question - “what does success look like for you?” “what are the steps you need to take to get there”

  • How to cultivate curiosity and ask better questions

  • Start with auditing your conversations

    1. Be curious about the other person

    2. Figure out questions that you want to ask people

  • Most introverts are better connectors in many cases

  • Listen!! Sometimes shutting up is the best thing you can do as a connector

  • Should you go to networking events? Before you do, you need to “select your pond” more effectively

  • Great questions to figure out context for how to talk to people

  • What are challenges your facing right now in your business / life?

    1. What’s a major strength or major win you’ve had recently?

  • Put yourself into a space where you're comfortable is a key component of effective networking

  • A lot of content today is “thought leadership garbage” - metric driven traffic with a goal in mind

  • You can’t force a personal brand - if you suck at creating content or your content is “networker-esq” - you have to figure out if you’re a creator of content or a curator

  • Place yourself at the center - building walled-off access to the people and things that matter will eventually be the “keys to the kingdom”

  • Those who are able to curate the right people together, to create thriving communities beyond just the founder are going to be the most powerful from a social capital, profitabilabilty, etc level

  • Technology is meant to amplify humanity and not cheat it

  • Create a safe space, creative collective value not just 1 on 1 value

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SHOW NOTES, LINKS, & RESEARCH

  • [Website] FollowUp

  • [Book] Superconnector: Stop Networking and Start Building Business Relationships that Matter by Scott Gerber and Ryan Paugh

  • [Book Site] Superconnector Book

  • [Twitter] Ryan Paugh

  • [Twitter] Scott Gerber

Episode Transcript


[00:00:06.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:11.7] MB: Welcome to The Science of Success, the number one evidence-based growth podcasts on the internet with more than one million downloads and listeners in over 100 countries. In this episode we discuss how to become a super connector. We look at the idea that networking is not about tactics. It's about a fundamental shift in how you think about interacting with people. We examine how to break free from the lazy and shallow networking that social media often creates. Discuss why you should never ask, “How can I help?” Look at the power of curiosity and the importance of asking better questions and much more with our guest, Scott Gerber. 

I'm going to give you three reasons why you should join our email list today by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the homepage. There are some amazing stuff that's only available to our email subscribers, so be sure you sign up and join the email list. This includes an awesome free guide that we created based on listener demand called How to Organize and Remember Everything. You can get it completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide when you sign up and join the email list today. 

Next, you’re going to get a curated weekly email from us every single Monday called Mindset Monday which our listeners have been absolutely loving. It’s short, simple, filled with actionable and valuable insights, videos and articles that we found interesting within the last week. Lastly, you're going to get an exclusive chance to shape the show. You can vote on guests, you can help us change parts of the show. You can even submit your own personal questions to our guests, and much more by becoming part of our community and joining the email list. You can do that by going to successpodcast.com, signing up right on the homepage, or if you're on the go, if you’re driving around, just text the word “smarter”. That's “smarter” to the number 44222. That’s “smarter” to 44222. 

In our previous episode we discussed becoming a super learner. We dug into questions that I've pondered for a long time. Does speed-reading work? Can we actually speed read and improve our reading comprehension? Are there strategies that you can use to improve your memory, and most importantly, how can we align the way we think, learn and remember with the way our brains actually operate? We go into this and much more with our previous guest, Jonathan Levi. If you want to learn the secrets of the world's memory champions, be sure to listen to that episode. 

This episode is sponsored by Audible. That's right, we’ve made it to the big leagues. But seriously, I'm a huge fan of Audible. I listen to it in an almost daily basis. Right now I've been really enjoying the book Shoe Dog by Phil Knight, the founder of Nike. It’s a fascinating story and I am particularly enjoy listening to biographies on Audible. They really have a great narrative flow, and even when you're driving around or on the go, you can still capture the core essence of the book. Right now, Audible is offering something special for our listeners. You can get a free Audiobook along with a 30-day free membership to Audible. All you have to do is go to audible.com/success or text the word “success” to the number 500500. That’s audible.com/success or just text the word “success” to 500500. 

Now for the show today. 

[0:03:42.6] MB: Today, we have another great guest on the show, Scott Gerber. Scott is the CEO of the Community Company and founder of Young Entrepreneurs Council. He's also an internationally syndicated columnist and co-author of the books Super Connector as well as the book Never Get a Real Job. He's been featured in the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, Bloomberg and he's even been honored by the White House. 

Scott, welcome to The Science of Success.

[0:04:05.9] SG: Thanks for having me, man. 

[0:04:06.9] MB: Well, we’re very excited to have you here today. 

[0:04:08.8] SG: Let’s share some awesome stuff. Shall we? 

[0:04:10.5] MB: Yeah, for sure, for sure. So I’d love to start out, I’m really fascinated with the book Super Connector and all of the work you've done. In today's world where we’re flooded with tons and tons of LinkedIn connections, Twitter followers and all of these kind of superficial relationships, how do we work our way through that quagmire? 

[0:04:29.6] SG: Yeah. I think it's first understanding we’re all guilty. That's the reality. I think self-awareness is what we consider to be one of the key attributes of successful connectors. People who actually accept faults, understand who they are, what their strengths are, what their weaknesses are and then build upon the proper foundation. 

Today, we have been sort of led to believe that our personal brand social media presence is the definitive reason for being in a lot of ways. It's who we are. It’s how people see us. The reality is that has leaked sadly into this network-y style personality that a lot of us have created for ourselves. Rather than being truly authentic, we are being internet authentic. We are being social media conscious before human conscious, and it's really sad because, again, it's not just like the newer generations that are stuck on their phones all day. It is the generation of people who are getting lazier that don't want to go to that event and go meet more people or think that sending a LinkedIn connection to someone is a real connection. 

So I think we have to reverse course. I think that the people that will be the most successful in the social media age as noise continues to proliferate are those that actually can provide real signal and be human and allow their humanity to show and allow the technologies and media platforms they use to amplify their humanity and not their messaging or their networking speak or their guru personalities. I think those are the ways forward for this generation. 

[0:06:06.2] MB: I think that's really well said, and the lack of authenticity, this almost [inaudible 0:06:09.7] in the year of these kind of fake social media profiles, I think is really a problem today.

[0:06:15.6] SG: I just think at the end of the day, we have been put into this incredible ecosystem of what we believe to be communities that we can tap into. The problem is is that we have conflated the idea of connection with connect poor or connect it, and I think that these terms are not semantics. It is not semantics to say, “I enjoy connecting with people,” versus “I am very connected.” Those are two fundamentally different principles. Yet we turn them into this idea that vanity metrics determine social status. It’s very Black Mirror if you're a watcher of the Netflix series in a lot of ways. It's this sort of idea now that vanity project has become the real project. Whereas if you ask any real connectors, again, whether in business or the personal lives of those that just live by these core principles that we think are the right ways to go about relationship building, they'll tell you that, “Yeah, social media is great and it’s a wonderful way to message. It’s a wonderful way to connect with those you already have relationships with,” but these people that are using it for, frankly, the bastardization of the original intent, which is to amplify a persona I think are going to find themselves very alone in the world when they’re 15 minutes of fame have ended and realized that those that they are connected to are not actually connections. 

[0:07:37.7] MB: So where do we go from here?

[0:07:39.6] SG: I think we first have to take step one and say are we emotionally intelligent in our daily lives to actually realize empathetically that we can be of service to others and not just share content, not just look at how do we position ourselves or strategically create the right mood, feel and look of what we are and who we are to the outside world, but actually be of meaningful service. Not to look at a lot of the things we talk about in the book are not tactics. It is a framework for fundamentally changing your life. It is the idea of saying, “Hey, I'm not going to go on nutrisystem for five weeks and lose some weight if I'm going to actually change my lifestyle to lose the weight and live a better life. That's what we’re suggesting here. There is no five steps to success of relationship building. It is fundamentally understanding a couple key principles. Number one; humanity is not going anywhere. You can't automate out humans. You can’t vanity metric your way to building meaningful, long-lasting relationships that are going to be there for you and you for them. 

So I think it's about looking at yourself and saying who do you want to surround yourself by? How do you want to live your life? What kind of service and value do you want to bring to a community of peers or what community do you even want to create for yourself and around yourself? 

I mean, I take this back to 2010 where I had been just out of a business after really hard knocks learnings around failing because I had no one around me of real value, and I don't mean value in the sense of money or connections. I mean, just people that could’ve help me in the rough times in my first business that failed miserably and almost bankrupted me. That's why I found it YEC. It wasn't to create a sphere of influence around young entrepreneurs or crayon platform. It was because I genuinely wanted to have real conversations with people that had had similar experiences to me that together we could've masterminded our way to find mutual success, and I had not built those fundamental steps and therefore I failed as a result. 

So in correcting course admitting that I could not be a team of one, I could not be a success powerhouse of one and realizing that bringing a community around me and me around them we could be more powerful as a collective. My next business was ultimately a much bigger success and that allowed me to now create the kinds of communities around that ethos that really came from a true place of wanting to help others so that others could also help me in times good and bad and everything in between. I think we are forgetting the fundamentals of what a relationship is, because we've been told that a like and a share is the equivalent. That is a mistake. 

[0:10:18.9] MB: There are so many things I want to dig into in that. Just the idea that networking or relationship building or whatever kind of term you want to use, it's not about tactics. It's about a fundamental shift in how you interact with people. 

[0:10:32.0] SG: It’s so true. I mean, I have people that have come up to me and say, “Wow! I really love how you run your events. I’m going to run my events exactly like you run them.” They asked me advice on that and I'll say, “Look, you could take every single step of what we do, but come off as a networker,” and our definition of a networker, again, is someone who is out for one’s self, a taker, someone that is sort of the wolf in sheep's clothing of trying to be helpful, but really out for themselves, “and [inaudible 0:11:05.9] the entire idea of what you're doing.” Great! You serve the food one way and you created an atmosphere that seemed wonderful, but at the end you handed out the business card and said the wrong thing or gave the wrong feeling or just room the entire room, because it was a charade for your own good. 

These are the things that I think people don't realize. We do not live in a tactics world. We've created one. The five steps to this. Three tips to do that. Again, sometimes that’s meaningful. I'm not going to say that I'm not going to offer tips and strategies on what's worked for us, But it comes with a fundamental understanding that you could put a lot of bolts on a really big piece of crap, and those bolts that you're adding on aren’t going to make it stronger.

So I think that this shift in mindset, this de-masking, this idea that we’re getting back down to the basics because we’ve so strayed from those basics because of market speak and MLM hucksters and Guru nonsense that has been blasted in our face and then amplified through social media from people who are out for themselves, trying to come off as people that are actually in it to help us, has distorted us, they’ve created the distortion field. We’ve got to realize, if you can't look someone in the face and have an actual conversation that doesn't in 30 seconds make you think, “What can I get from this?” You don't get, and I think too many people think they get it and will say, “Oh! I’ll do these three things,” but still in the first 30 seconds of a conversation their immediate thing is, “Oh! I can eventually get this from this person.” 

If that's what you think, you're going to lose in the end, because a connector doesn't think like that. The first 30 seconds in their mindset, they’re thinking, “What questions and contacts do I need to ask that this person is not giving me that I can extract from them to figure out where I can play a role in their developmental or business success? Where I can actually be helpful instead of just simply saying, “How can I help you?” So that the person thinks somehow that that social script means I care.” That, I think, is something people aren’t doing right now. They're still taking the paint job, but they're not building the house. This has to change if we’re actually going to have a society worth having conversations in, worth building communities for and worth playing a meaningful role in. 

[0:13:37.2] MB: That's a great distinction, and I think the idea of coming from a place of truly wanting to help people is one of the cornerstones of networking. Obviously, Keith Ferrazzi talks a lot about that. He was a previous guest on the show. But I love your distinction there. It's not just about saying, “How can I help?” Because that’s sort of platitude that doesn't really actually do anything. It's about digging in and trying to get the context or the right questions to figure out how you can actually help. 

[0:14:04.1] SG: So I’m going to tell you. I’m don’t tell many people, and so maybe your audience realizes that there is a human on this side that can admit when he’s wrong too. I used to be a person that would ask that question at ad nauseam. The difference was is that in my mind it wasn't the social script that others used on me, right? I actually was coming from an authentic place with it. I truly was. But in listening to myself and having people talk to me about the kinds of help they were asking for, I realized I’ve gotten lazy. It was wrong, and I finally corrected course. 

I remember I went on MSNBC and, of course, they ask you for your top tips and what's your advice, and I said, “Asking how can I help you to actually be of service,” and then a couple weeks later I was with a connector friend of mine, he says to me, “So, Scott, I'm sort of embarrassed for you.” I love this guy. So it's totally cool that he could call me out, and sometimes you need those people, a true community. That should be the reaction.

He goes to me and he says, “Scott. How could you ask how can I help you as your question?” I thought about it for a minute — Now this goes back a couple of years, obviously. Go back and I'm thinking, “Wow! That truly is the worst question, and why is it the worst question?” And that’s I wasn’t asking myself. 

So I thought about it — And let's just talk about why. Number one; you're putting the onus on the other person to actually tell someone who, in most cases, you've met for the first time, like this monster thing that they can do to help you as if that is even reasonable. That's number one. Number two; directionally, it provides no guidance. It’s very much not only putting the onus, but directionally it’s coming off as, “Oh! No matter what you asked me to help you, I’m your guy,” which makes no sense. Number three; it shows you don't care, because if you actually wanted to help the person, what are you going to do? You’re going to listen, be more curious. When you don't understand something, ask more questions, then more questions, then smarter questions on top of those questions to come up with a thesis and then you’re going to actually say, “Well, here are some ways I can help you.” proactively offering the actual assistance rather than the lazy thing of, “Oh, great! I’m glad we talked for 45 minutes. I've clearly got nothing from you. So I’m just going to ask this thing to make you feel like I'm totally listening, “How can I help you?” You’ve gotten lazy. 

So all of these things together on top of the final nail in the coffin for me, which is it is like every other marketing ask, speak or platform. The first people that I ask, “How can I help you?” umpteen decades ago were probably very wholesome, not out for themselves, not networking authentic people. The second generation, it started to tweak a little bit. By generation and iteration 100, it is the new social script, because if you don't ask that question, you're a horrible person. When you ask that question — Oh, “even if you can help”, you're still a good guy. I argue that people now are still realizing that as a garbage, not listening, not personal nonsense question, that it gives you that bad taste in your mouth like, “Oh! I’m so glad I just wasted 15 minutes of my life talking about all these things,” but actually you didn't give a damn. 

So what I tell people is the cure, anecdotally, and I could can speak to this in a number of ways, is you've got to ask better questions. The best connectors are curious. Now, I'm sure someone on your show is going to listen to this and they’re going to say, “Oh! But Scott, that’s so obvious. What an obvious tip. You have to be curious. Oh, man! Thanks for the tip.” You know what? I would then push back and say, “Relive your last five conversations and tell me how curious you were.” 

Most people love to talk about how obvious stuff is, but they don't actually do it. They won't actually deep dive more than surface level or one step below surface level. If you end up in a conversation where the answer on the other side is yes no or a phrase or a sentence, you stink at what you do. You should be able to have conversations with anyone, anytime, anywhere by basically — Whether you know the subject matter not, by the way, just by consistently asking questions or better questions to start a conversation. So instead of like, “Hey! What are you working on these days?” How about, “What are you working on right now that makes you wake up in the morning excited?” People love talk about that. Then all of a sudden it's, “Oh, great! Tell me, like what are goals for that? What is success look like for you? In a year from now if we talk again, what makes it so that that thing you did was a winner or a loser? What are the steps you need to do to get there?” 

In that five or six question series, there is no question that any good connector is in their mind is thinking, “Who do I know? What resource do I have? What five people can I connect for more knowledge here for this person and then in the end be able to actually facilitate it?” Even if the help at the end of the day didn't get them over to the goal line, by actually going that level of methodical series of steps, you will have a relationship in place with a continuing conversation over time that shows you care.

[0:19:08.7] MB: There's a lot of stuff I want to unpack from that as well. I love, first of all, just the insight that most people talk about how obvious things are, but never actually just do it even though it's really simple. I think that's a great just observation in general. Not just about kind of relationship building, but I think more broadly really, really applicable. 

I'm curious, I want to dig in on this idea of asking better questions and cultivating curiosity. Tell me more about how we can get better at that. 

[0:19:32.6] SG: Yeah. I mean, first and foremost, like anything else, you got to do an audit of yourself. You have to actually look at conversations you've done, and this takes some thinking. Again, this is an intellectual exercise. Or it's catching yourself as you’re starting to retrain your brain of how you want to be. Bottom line is, Matt, I mean, at the end of the day, if you are someone who really wants to be more authentic in your relationships and you don't care about people or care about what they have to say or selectively care or only care when it is applicable to what you do every day or only care when you see a benefit for you in it, you don't get it. 

So you need to actually start patching yourself. Again, I don’t think the people are awful people if they do these things. I think is how they’ve been built bill or how they’ve been trained, like any bad thing, biting your fingernails, doing horrible — Spitting, whatever you're thing is. Your thing that you got to do to get over, to get over the hill, it takes training and petition and constantly checking yourself and improving incrementally to get better. 

I think that in order to be a curious person you first have to figure out, could you sit in a room with someone that you share no commonalities with, that you don't understand anything about what they do, that in a room where you were with that person, you would ever even want to read a book, let alone a blog or anything on the subject matter of relevance to them. Could you take all that and then say, “Okay. I’m going to have a conversation and by the end not be a subject matter expert on this person,” but have a fundamental series of at least understanding, points in the sky that you could aim towards to actually make it so you learn something, and not just learn something necessarily to help that person. I mean, the one clear offshoot in value and there’s going to be a lot of people you can’t help or people you shouldn't help or people, frankly, that you are not going to provide enough value to, so you shouldn’t just try. 

But I think that there's something to be said about just being okay with great conversation. You’ve got to be okay with that. Even if you're introverted, right? My partner and I, the reason we wrote this book together is I'm an extreme extrovert. He's an incredibly extreme introvert. So the perspectives in this book aren't like, “Well, if you’re not a type A, you shouldn't be a connector.” That's nonsense. Most introverts are actually better connectors in many cases and extroverts could learn a lot from that. But either way, peripherally, you need to understand that regardless of who you are, you need to actually, whatever environment you're in, be able to pull in that context and understanding. Not to be a major on the subject, but to care. So I think that's what you need to do. 

Asking better questions, it's more of just forward thinking, conversational questions that actually continue your curiosity, that don't just lead to, “Oh! Do you like today's weather?” or small talk. Small talk is horrible. What is small talk? Small talks is another version of how can I help you. It’s that lazy thing that a networker does when they're shaking your hand with one hand, handing you a business card with the other, talking to you about themselves while looking over your shoulder, who else is in the room that they should be meeting after they're done with the social scripts of you. 

So anything that comes up is lazy is probably not correct. So audit yourself. Determine ultimately, are you guilty of some of these things? Start figuring out questions that you feel you want to ask people. There's no set of correct once. Again, along the lines of what are you working on right now that excites you? Something that is in the moment, something that has a series of steps that can go up, something that is meaningful to the other person that helps them to talk about themselves which most people don't. 

Then I’m going to give you the fourth one, which most extroverts are going to be like, “Oh my God! This is crazy. I’ll never do this.” Listen. We are so bad at listening type As, because we’re always like, “Our minds works so fast. We want to get the next word out.” Sometimes — You know what? Shutting up is the best thing you can do as a connector, and then listening to take in that context. So you could build a profile of someone that actually allows you to figure out what next words you should say, because typically if you think too fast on your feet as a type A, the next word you're always going to say without listening are the wrong words or is about you or sets up something that the other person’s going to be sort of taken aback by or eyes glazed over, because it shows you were just waiting to get the words out. So these are the kinds of things that you just be okay with and learn from and adapt to that new reality of conversational tone.

[0:23:58.5] MB: I want to dig in a little more broadly too about kind of the art of conversation. Let's say you meet somebody at an event or a cocktail party or something like that. How can listeners learn how to sort of communicate with anyone about anything? 

[0:24:12.4] SG: It’s interesting. So I am going to argue against the premise, but not to say you're wrong, obviously, but to give you a sense of what a connector is going to do before they even put themselves in the room. So the difference is is that people look at things like networking events as, “Oh! I go to a networking event, because I want to meet people,” but they often don't ask themselves a lot of questions before they go into that room. 

Number one; should I be attending this event? Number two; if I am, is there anybody with me? Am I sort of going with anchors that already have a built-in series of relationships or foundational understanding in the room? Are they already a connector in that space? So there's a lot of things that go into selecting your pond, if you will, because, again, connectors are methodical, productivity hackers, people who are very methodical about the time and the place and the surroundings, not just environmentally, but the physical space, the intimacy of a room versus the large-scale room. It's knowing the kind of connector you are, because that's how your conversational tone will be effective. 

As an example, if you’re introvert, you probably don't want to just go to some random networking event, and you're not wrong for thinking that. What an introvert might do is say, “Okay. I know there's this big conference that's coming to town. There's no way I'm going to put myself in a room with 2,000 people. I’ll have a panic attack. But it's a subject matter area that is incredibly relevant to me. So what can I do?” Well, maybe you could go and reach out to 15 or 16 people that are going to be at that event that you found on social media, or that your friends know that are going to attend, or you have two or three of the 16 that are really fundamental members of your community or your world that they can invite the top people in the space that matter, and you bring them to an oasis, a private space that’s intimates, that takes them away from the action, that makes it a very highly valuable experience not just for you, but for them. People that are also attending these kinds of activities with the intent of the goal of meeting great people, but you're doing the work. You're curating the experience. 

How do you first communicate with anyone? You put them in an environment that's a safe space for you. The second is you figure out the key areas that those people bring to a conversation before they come in the room. For example, in our events in YEC, if you go to an event in any of our communities, in YEC in particular, we’re going to survey on what are two challenges you're facing right now in your business and what is a major strength or a major win you've had in learning something big that helps your businessman in last year? Then, of course, we’re going to give you the CV LinkedIn style details. We’re going to put a digest together. We’re going to send that to every person, and then we’re going to make suggestions of who should make sure they talk by the end of the event, because we know what both sides of the challenges and the strengths are. All that work allows people to come in, especially you as the connector with a whole lot of conversations you can have right off the bat. 

So I think the way you communicate with anyone about anything, it starts with the curiosity. It goes with the selectivity and curation of creating that safe space or that environment whenever you can. Putting in yourself at least in the space that you're comfortable in. I mean, an extrovert. There are people like myself that could walk into a thousand person conference room or a conference center rather and create great relationships, but I still want to take those folks back to a safe space, because you might want to pick the right people you want to keep in touch with at a big room like that, but still bringing them back to something intimate, and small, and meaningful, and then deliver on an experience that’s highly valuable where you're not the only one that is having the conversation, but you’ve brought in a lot of stakeholders that see you as the sphere of influence, the reason that these great conversations occurred, but not necessarily the person that even has to speak. 

Now you’re the sphere of influence, the center of these conversations of many different conversations. You’re seen as the ringmaster, if you will, of the whole thing, and you might not have even spoken all 16 people, but all 16 people, because of the value that they’ve created based on your creation of this safe space is going to be the person that walks away probably with the most fundamental relationships and foundations for those relationships established. 

[0:28:25.1] MB: I wanted to stop and once again let you guys know that this episode today is sponsored by Audible. We’re really excited to have Audible as a sponsor. As I mentioned, I'm a huge fan of Audible and I listen to it on an almost daily basis. I did more than 10 audiobooks last year on Audible and I've really been enjoying a number of books recently, and I mentioned Shoe Dog by Phil Knight and the Intro, and another book that I recently finished on Audible that was fascinating, and I think listeners of this show in particular will really enjoy, was the Undoing Project by Michael Lewis. I found the book to be fascinating. It's about Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky, to the founders of behavioral economics and thinkers that had a tremendous impact on psychology as a whole and me as an individual and really shaping in many ways what the show has become. 

Michael Lewis, incredible author, a really great story, compelling, gripping. You’ll find yourself laughing. You'll find yourself stunned by some the conclusions, but that was a great audiobook. like I said, I really listen to Audible all the time. Being podcast host, somebody who listens to podcasts and audio, Audible in particular is something that I really care about and use nearly daily. So I'm really excited they're sponsoring this episode and they're offering a free audiobook and a 30-day free membership for our listeners. So you can get that by going to audible.com/success. That’s audible.com/success or by texting the word SUCCESS to 500500. That’s SUCCESS to 500500. 

Guys, check out that offer. If you haven't, be sure to check out Audible. You can get it at audible.com/success. I would love to continue having them be a sponsor of the show. 

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Back to the show. 

[0:31:23.4] MB: You touched on this a little bit, but I think in Super Connector you dig more deeply and talk sort about related concept. But the idea of sort of being a curators versus being a creator. Tell me a little bit more about that. 

[0:31:36.2] SG: Yeah. I mean, look, some people are wonderful at writing content and some people are wonderful at curating content. Just as a basic example, a lot of content today is thought leadership garbage. It is advertorial, click bait, funnel metric-driven traffic with a goal in mind. Now, I don't want to make it sound like connectors can't profit at some point in their lives. These folks can't be nonprofit only zealots that only care about others. Clearly, you have to be able to create value for yourself in order to create value for others, or what value ultimately do you provide. 

But at the end of the day, creators are people that, let's say, in the form of content, could put out really valuable content that brings people together and creates dialogue and conversation, which is ironic, because right now that's sort of the big thing with Facebook and all these major social media outlets now that realize how much garbage is on their sites and they’re trying to now make it back to the original founder’s intent, creating conversation around the high-value content initially driven by individuals, not brands, not media companies. This is very much in line with where I think the world's going in general. 

But those creators can create tribes because the content and the value they’re creating is so impactful that they can create. Some people can't do that or shouldn't do that, but they can create highly valuable curated pieces, pulling the best minds together that have created really thought-provoking pieces of content that on a newsletter, let's say, could spark massive dialogue amongst the top intellectuals or the top professionals in a certain field. So I think you can't force — Again, going back to the tactic discussion. You can't say, “Oh! I read a blog that talks about content marketing, and so I have to put a personal brand out there,” because — You know what? If you suck at creating content or you are, again, networker-esk in your content approach, out for yourself, icky transactional oriented, it’s not going to work anyway. 

So I think you need to — Just like you need to figure out are you an introvert or an extroverted, I think you have to determine, are you someone that could gather people together to inspire dialogue, and the gathering is based on the creation of very valuable and raw information that people will really have deep conversations about again? That puts you in the sphere of influence, because you are the curator of that experience? Or are you someone that does have something very relevant to say that can create dialogue around the words, thoughts, insights that you are bringing to the world yourself Neither of those is right or wrong. It's just a fit for you or not. 

[0:34:16.4] MB: So it seems like both of these strategies, and also kind of circling back to the idea of when you're going to an event, creating sort of your own safe space, revolve around the key principle of placing yourself at sort of the center of what's going on. 

[0:34:32.3] SG: Absolutely. Community today and the ability to build walled-off access to the people and things that matter will be eventually what is the keys to the kingdom? Because, at some point, the noise is just going to get so loud that the people that matter — And I don't mean that in the sense of it's just the C-suite or just the intellectual set. The people that matter to you are going to need that, say, space, because they’re going to flock from these overcrowded, oversaturated platforms in the real-world and in the online one. Those that are able to curate the right people together that can basically allow for these thriving communities to sustain beyond the founder, him or herself, are going to be the ones that ultimately are the most powerful from a social capital level, from a he potential profitability level, from just the reality of where I believe and where my coauthor, Ryan, believes, the real relationships that change the world, your world, the big world, whatever you want to call it, are going to come from. 

So people need to invest in others to surround themselves with amazing people, because amazing people do what? They bring in other amazing people. When you put a thesis together, Let's again take, say, the YEC, Young Entrepreneur Council. That ethos was initially we really care about youth entrepreneurship, and the idea of building the next generation of young entrepreneurs and inspiring them through our actions. As a direct corollary, if we combine our efforts to do, not only could we create impact, but by connecting together in general we can also help one another to ensure mutual success where we can continue to give back to that original message, that original thesis. What brought us together initially? 

So it builds and builds and builds, but it doesn't mean that Scott Gerber or Ryan Paul have to drive every initiative, every conversation, everything that matters, because the group is built so much on to that fundamental principal and they all so buy into it. It's about helping young entrepreneurs succeed that they want to be a part of that conversation proactively and reactively. 
But YEC has grown far beyond the original intent. It was not meant to necessarily be in the thousands of people, but those thousands of people are all incredibly curated, amazing and vetted because of the initial foundation we put out. So not only is it created, obviously, a business. I don't want to be coy about it. It’s created a business, but it’s also created a mastermind and a hive for people that also like me, when I started it, felt alone. They couldn't talk to anybody else. There was no one else that understood them or they didn't just have enough, what I'll call, general knowledge outside of their subject matter expertise, or their specific location, or their specific industry, and they wanted to become more worldly, and what better place to become more worldly than the smartest people in our generation in various different other market sectors, countries, and so on? But at the end of the day, the direct and indirect access that Ryan and myself now have because of not just the people we’ve brought to that community and our team has brought to the community, but the community has brought to the community, allows for it to have an exponential value to us and to the company as a whole while simultaneously providing exponential indirect and direct opportunity to the members themselves. And that is a real win-win. That was based on a wholesome intent. That started with a smart foundation. That almost in the movie, Inception, is an idea that once it's planted you can't “buy that real estate”. It's an idea you own. It's an idea that is implanted in you. It's something you believe in with her for heart and mind, and that is something that no marketer, no MLM person, no one, can go and just buy their way into. 

[0:38:29.6] MB: How does somebody who’s a super connector — And I think the community answers here just talking about kind of addresses in some way, but I'm curious specifically maybe from your perspective, but how is someone who’s a super connector kind of manage or stay on top of such a huge amount of connections in a way that's authentic but also kind of — It can still be executed and sort of managed in a meaning way?

[0:38:54.4] SG: Absolutely. It's funny. There are some secrets of the trade, just like any other mindset shift. I think people have to realize that technology is meant to amplify humanity and not cheat it. I think, today, a lot of people view technology or these platforms that can help you systemize and create value for others as a means to convert or have a funnel click or get a like or a share. Again, just like everything else, you got to take it back and you have say to yourself, “Okay. What works for me so I can remember this information that I just learned about John Smith at the bar tonight that he likes this kind of drink, that he's changing jobs and looking for this position, that he likes the Caipirinha, that his son is an all-star basketball player.” So on and so forth. How do I just keep that treasure trove of information that only I have that is not on a LinkedIn profile so that I can keep in touch in a meaningful way with that person? 

So some people, like me, keep it be very simple. I put a contact information in the notes section of my contacts in my iPhone, and then I will put just a reminder, “Hey, check in with him in X-number of weeks or X-number of months or X-number of days depending on what we talked about,” and in the follow-up CC, which is what I use. Some people use Boomerang or other scheduling tools or reminder tools, but in my follow-up CC, I’ll and myself an email that says, “Hey, talk about these couple of things. Check in on this. See if you could provide value here, here, based on what happened from what we talked about at this time.” Simple as that. 

It is not cheating for me to send myself a reminder, but then no offense to the person I was talking to or anyone else, forget about it until it comes back in my circle, because either I'm helping other folks or I have to, again, be successful myself in order to help others and dedicate the time that is necessary. So it’s finding the cheats to your time that are not cheating the person or cheating the goals of the communication of the person, but simply cheating your productivity and hours in a day that I think is really about the mindset. 

There are some connectors we talked about, like this wonderful man named Michael Roderick. He's in the book in Super Connector, and wonderful, wonderful connector. He is just the salt of the earth. But he has literally developed a multi-level documents that is just this monster spreadsheet online that not only has all this contextual data about all these conversations with relevant points and relevant things about a person. But he has different scores for people, and not scoring them as, “Is this a good person or a bad person?” but does this person fit in this category of how I deem someone or that category. Again, just helping him instantly be able to search in a document based on his own rubric a series of keywords and then be able to basically sort those keywords by how he has graded these individuals by type of person to try to find the right people when he doesn't think a connection makes sense to someone. Introduce an extrovert with an extrovert in this specific subject area. I need someone that was having this challenge solved with this expertise in this period of time. 

It’s a series of creating, again, whether it's high-end CRMs or low-end SaaS tech that help cheat productivity but not people, but that's most of it. I think a lot of things also comes down to how well you schedule yourself the best connectors also are people that care about the minutes of the day, and I think that comes down to ensuring that you’re providing the proper amount of time to yourself and creating a series of things that you just won't do. You have to be able to say no also. A lot of people say yes to everything, “I’ll help you with this. Let me take time for that,” and then by the end of the day you realized, “Oh, man. I didn’t actually moved myself forward. So what does that do?” 

I think there does come a point where you need to be able to develop systems around your own efficiencies so that you can remain efficient to other people. That could be blocking time. It could be using virtual assistance or in-person assistance. It can be scheduling meetings that are about like, “Hey, let’s go grab a coffee in clusters,” like if 10 people want to meet you for coffee. Don’t go 10 meetings. Bring 10 people together for one coffee meeting. Again, create a safe space, curate people together, create value that is collective, not just one-on-one. But these kinds of systems in real estate that you need to create are personal, and that’s why in the book, in Super Connector, none of these things are if you do this you will be successful, but rather here's a series of traits, anecdotes and value-add frameworks that work for certain people. Take from what you will these different things to make them your own. I think that's sort of my final message to everyone. No one, no one, myself, my partner, any of the best connectors on planet Earth can give you that step-by-step guide. There is no five-minute abs formula here. 

But we can share with you the best practices that we've made our own, that we feel in our hearts are true, that are wholesome and that create value for all involved, including ourselves, but in a way that makes us go to bed at night and say, “You know what? We’re good people with good intentions that truly want to change and help people’s lives, but with the understandings and frameworks that are going to help us be efficient at doing just that.”

If you could take away one thing from anything in this interview, if you are amazing enough to buy the book, which I would love and I appreciate every person that could buy this book not because I'm looking to be a rich author, but because I believe these practices will lead to better human interaction. If I can leave you with one thing, it's that. It's don't try to cheat real-time. Relationships take real-time and real effort. Cheat your own time, but not the time it takes to build relationships with others. 

[0:44:43.2] MB: I think that’s great advice and it makes a ton of sense applying technology in the right context, but not necessarily in a way that’s sort of magnifies that social media noise that we talked about before. 

I’m curious, what’s kind of one actionable piece of homework be that you would give to somebody listening to this interview that they could kind of start to concretely implement the ideas we’ve talked about today?

[0:45:05.3] SG: I think first and foremost I go back to the idea of really having some introspection and audit yourself to see where you really are. Have a moment where you actually are not trying to be on stage, whether that is a real-world stage or a digital stage platform if you will and just ask yourself some basic questions. Am I someone that can see beyond transactional value? Not showing off for anybody. If you say, “No, I'm not.” Well, at least you have an answer. 

Then you ask yourself, “Okay. If I am beyond transactional value, if I can get beyond this and I can create a series of methodologies and systems that work for me to create value for others, how would I start that process? Do I have a community currently? Do I have a group of people that I believe, fundamentally, are my anchors, the people that are around me in a meaningful way that can begin this foundation of something I care about and build that community around me?” But just asking yourself a lot of questions, deep thought and being honest with yourself. Getting your back down to you’re being naked. Getting rid of that paint and that arrogance that we've been putting on, whether you're an introvert or extrovert, for years of always potentially trying to be the belle of the ball on a public stage. Instead just really asking yourself some fundamentals and not lying to yourself, and then when you figure all that out and if you find yourself to be someone that you feel you want to be a connector, tracking in the back your mind without like scripting yourself. Just doing what you've always done in your next couple of conversations and seeing if you catch yourself. 

Are you really being honest with yourself or did you just trick yourself into believing you are honest with yourself. Do you really have that transactional mindset? Because John's dad runs a carwash when you met him at an event and he wasn't really valuable to you. Did you say to yourself, “You know, I really need to get away from this person, because he doesn't help me.” Did you even have that instinct in your head? If you did, it doesn't mean you’re a horrible person. But just being honest with yourself. That is to be the best way to help rebuild yourself. I think those small steps, assessing who you are, will be the foundational understanding if you can be the emotionally, intelligent, self-aware curious person that it will take to be a super connector. 

[0:47:21.3] MB: It's amazing. The notions of self-awareness, emotional intelligence, probably the two most recurrent themes on our show regardless of what kind of skillset we’re talking about developing. Those are some of the fundamental cornerstones of developing nearly anything. 

Scott, where listeners find you and your books online?

[0:47:40.8] SG: Absolutely. Well, thank you everyone. I really appreciate the platform and the time, Matt. This is a subject matter we really care about. If you want to check out the book, obviously it will be available everywhere books are sold. It goes on sale February 27th, 2018 with preorders available now. You can go to superconnectorbook.com to check out the book, some of the connectors, and you could follow my partner and I, @ryanpaugh or me, @scottgerber on Twitter. We’re very active and love to engage in conversation around these types topics, so feel free to check us out there. 

[0:48:17.1] MB: Well, Scott, thank you so much for coming on the show, sharing all these wisdom. Great strategies really solid principles for building authentic relationships in today's environment. 

[0:48:27.3] SG: Thanks for having me. 

[0:48:28.6] MB: Thank you so much for listening to The Science of Success. We created the show to help you, our listeners, master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story or just say hi, shoot me an email. My email is matt@successpodcast.com. That's matt@successpodcast.com. I'd love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener email. 

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Next, you're going to get an exclusive chance to shape the show including voting on guests, submitting your own personal questions that we’ll ask guests on air and much more. Lastly, you’re going to get a guide we created based on listener demand, our most popular guide, which is called How to Organize and Remember Everything. You can get it completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide by signing up and joining the email us today. Again, you can do that at successpodcast.com, sign up right of the homepage, or if you're on the go, just text the word “smarter” to the number 44222. 

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Thanks again, and we'll see you on the next episode of The Science of Success.


February 22, 2018 /Lace Gilger
Influence & Communication
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Brain Scans Reveal The Powerful Memory Techniques of Memory Champions, Greek Philosophers, and SuperLearners with Jonathan Levi

February 15, 2018 by Lace Gilger in High Performance, Creativity & Memory

In this episode we discuss becoming a SuperLearner. We dig into questions that I’ve pondered for a long time - does speed reading work? Can we actually speed read and increase our reading comprehension? Are there strategies you can use to improve your memory? And perhaps most importantly - how can we align the way we think, learn, and remember with the way our brains actually operate? We go into this and more with our guest Jonathan Levi.

Jonathan Levi is an author, learning expert, and founder of Super Human Enterprises. He is the author of the book Become a SuperLearner and has helped over 120,000 students improve their learning methodology through his online courses. He has been featured on the TED Stage and his work has been published in Inc. Magazine, The Wall Street Journal, and more.

  • How Jonathan went from a “troubled student” to a learning and memory expert

  • Memory strategies from greek philosophers to current day experts - what actually works?

  • What to do if speed reading doesn’t work?

  • You average college graduate reads about 250 wpm, at Jonathan’s peak he was reading 750-800 wpm with 80-90% comprehension

  • Its vital to distinguish between rote memorization and how the memory actually works

  • Most people have no concept of how powerful and effective memory techniques actually are

  • By doing memory work you can change the physical structure and neurochemistry of your brain

  • "Paleo Learning” - Get back to what actually works, from an evolutionary standpoint, with learning strategies

  • Using our brains in the way they are intended to use - aligning our learning with our evolutionary design - creates an huge impact on your learning

  • The framework of 40 day study with 30 minute sessions per day

  • Strategic memory techniques you can use to improve your memory

  • What FMRI scans reveal about the brains of world memory champions

  • How these two specific memory techniques could more improve your memory by 135%

  • Short amount of training can impact your brain in a big way

  • Pygmalion effect and the golem effect - people typically conform to the expectations of teachers and leaders

  • The same thing happens with your ego and your perception of yourself

    1. Even if these techniques don’t work for you, they still work for you

    2. Your ego’s incentive is always trying to prove you right

  • Lessons from both the hard and soft sciences on how you can improve your memory

  • Our brains are built in clusters / neural networks

  • There are more neurons in your brain than stars in the known universe

  • The human brain is the most complex object known to man

  • The 3 primary strategies for improving your memory

  • Strongest memory effect are SMELL and TASTE - very deeply rooted in your brain

    1. Second most effective memory sense is sight - the "Picture superiority effect”

    2. Next most powerful is location-based memory

  • Visual memory and location based memory are deeply ingrained in your brain and the keys to unlocking super learning

  • Can you remember what was on your mom’s nightstand when you were a child?

  • Connecting all of your knowledge to preexisting knowledge

  • “Hebb's Law” - Neurons that fire together, wire together

  • Our brains thrive on novelty and newness - our brains are amazing at recognizing patterns and connections

  • Always think of novel and creative imagery to remember things

  • Learning how to use the memory palace technique

  • Create strange / novel / unique visualizations

  • Imagining that I get stabbed!?

  • Create a visualization you already have and then connect them - even if they don’t make sense

  • Memory palaces can get jumbled, but they are free, and you will effectively never run out of places / physical spaces

  • You need a different memory palace for each thing you want to plant in there

    1. What if you get it wrong?

    2. Doesn’t matter as long as its wrong consistently

    3. You can use the levels of your favorite video games

    4. You can use fictional places / structures - as long as they are the same

  • Create artificial logic and connections -

  • Memory palace - go along the outside walls of the room - go clockwise or counter clockwise - up to you

  • LeVeShel - to cook, in Hebrew

  • What are visual markers and how can you use them to memorize literally anything?

  • How has Jonathan been able to improve retention with speed reading?

  • How does speed reading work and is it actually a hoax?

  • How you can read at 600-800 words per minute and actually increase your retention and comprehension

  • Crash course in speed reading in 30 seconds

  • Minimize back-skipping

    1. Minimize Subvocalization

    2. You can only listen at 300-400 wpm

  • Jonathan rejects the notion of being an auditory learner -you may get even more out of visual learning strategies

  • Spaced repetition is a key component of boosting retention

  • Review

    1. Pre-reading chapters

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Thank you so much for listening!

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SHOW NOTES, LINKS, & RESEARCH

  • [Website] Tony Buzan

  • [Wiki Page] Harry Lorayne

  • [Wiki Page] Malcolm Knowles

  • [Wiki Page] Pygmalion effect

  • [YouTube Channel] Jonathan Levi

  • [Website] SuperLearner Academy

  • [Website] Becoming SuperHuman

  • [Radboud Univ Article] “Super-sized memory is trainable and long lasting”

  • [NCBI Article] “So Much to Read, So Little Time: How Do We Read, and Can Speed Reading Help?” by Rayner K, Schotter ER, Masson ME, Potter MC, and Treiman R.

Episode Transcript


[00:00:06.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:11.8] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success; the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the internet with more than a million downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries.

In this episode, we discuss becoming a super learner. We dig into questions that I pondered for a long time; does speed reading work? Can we actually speed read and increase our reading comprehension? Are there strategies you can use to improve your memory? Perhaps, most importantly, how can you align the way you think, learn and remember with the way your brain actually operates? We go into this and much more with our guest, Jonathan Levi.

I’m going to give you three reasons why you should join our e-mail list today, by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the homepage. There is some amazing stuff that’s only available to our e-mail subscribers, so be sure to sign up, join the e-mail list. There’s so much cool stuff on there that only subscribers are going to get, including a free guide that we created based on listener demand. A guide called How to Organize and Remember Everything. You can get it completely for free, along with another surprise bonus guide when you sign up and join the e-mail list today.

Next, you’re going to get a curated weekly e-mail from us every week including our Mindset Monday e-mail, which listeners have been absolutely loving. It’s short, it’s simple, videos, articles, things we found fascinating within the last week.

You’re going to get an exclusive access and ways to change the show. You can vote on guests, you can help us change our intro music, you can even submit your own personal questions to our guests and much more.

Be sure to sign up and join the e-mail list, become part of our community.  You can do that by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the homepage. Or if you’re on the go, if you’re out and about, if you’re driving around, all you have to do is text the word “smarter”, that’s S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44-222. That’s “smarter” to 44-222.

In our previous episode, we discussed how money messes with your brain. We look into the obvious traps we fall into when we think about money. Examine how cultural influences shape our financial choices and explore the key biases that underpin the most common and dangerous financial mistakes that you are most likely to make, with our guest Jeff Kreisler. If you want to understand how you often misunderstand money, listen to that episode.

[0:02:49.1] MB: Today, we have another awesome guest on the show, Jonathan Levi. Jonathan is an Author, Learning Expert and Founder of SuperHuman Enterprises. He is the author of the book Become a SuperLearner and has helped over a 120,000 students improve their learning methodology through his online courses. He’s been featured on the Ted stage and his work have been published in Ink, The Wall Street Journal and much more.

Jonathan, welcome to the Science of Success.

[0:03:13.7] JL: Thanks so much for having me. It’s a pleasure.

[0:03:16.1] MB: Well, we’re very excited to have you on here today. I’d love to start out, but I’ve got a ton of questions and fascinated with memory and speed reading and all these things. I’m curious, how did your own personal journey with becoming a memory expert begin?

[0:03:31.2] JL: Yeah, that’s a great question Matt. See, the way I always tell the story is I don’t think you devote your career to becoming an expert in memory and improved learning, because you’re seen as a bright student growing up. I think it takes a certain amount of coming home with tears streaming down your face. That was certainly my case. I was always a problem student.

I was a bright kid, to hear my parents tell the story, but I had a lot of difficulties with learning in an institutional environment. By the time I was eight, it was no longer acute anymore that I couldn’t sit still and my parents had me tested for ADD. Rather than condemning me and having it put on my record, they had me tested very quietly and privately and then dealt with it on their own.

I spent a lot of my youth and student career just drugged out on real and which to my parents’ defense turn out to be a really, really good thing, because it was the only way that I got through high school, university and graduate school. That was basically the way that I thought that I had to learn. I thought that I needed drugs to learn. I thought that I was never going to be an exceptional student, except for in English essentially. I thought that in order to succeed in the framework that we’re all forced to learn in the school system, that’s what it would take.

I was very fortunate that I – before going into my master’s degree, which was going to be very condensed one-year program, or 10-month program, where you do two years’ worth of course work, I was very, very fortunate that I met someone who I would later call a super learner. The story goes that he had done a couple of PhDs in machine learning and information systems and coincidentally had gotten married to a woman who was working with special needs children, specifically children with dyslexia, memory issues.

The two of them sat down when they had kids and said, “Can we build a methodology to ensure that our kids are able to learn effectively?” They studied a lot of the greats, the Tony Buzan’s, all the way back to the Greeks, and the memory techniques that even Aristotle was doing. They started teaching them not only to their kids, but to other children that  were in their lives, in their professional background and career.

I was very, very lucky that I managed to run into this person while doing an unpaid internship before my MBA. I immediately said, “Well, you know what? I don’t believe in all that stuff. I tried the Evelyn Wood speed reading program. I tried the PX method and none of the stuff actually works.” They said, “What do you have to lose?” Well, they gave me a money-back guarantee and I sat down with them for six weeks and did intensive one-on-one tutoring.

Then I went off to my MBA and I was just a totally changed animal. I won’t say that I was able to sit through 12 hours of course work with Ritalin, but I was able to actually for the first time in my life do all the reading material, keep up with other students and enjoy what I was learning and memorize things much faster.

To make a long story short, after finishing my MBA, I didn’t know what I would do, where I would go and what kind of entrepreneurial opportunity I would pursue. I decided to try and see if I could take their lessons and put them online, apply the things that I had learned, such as speed reading and memory to learning more about this field.

I did more research. I did more studies. I picked up more techniques and obviously did a good bit of learning about online courses and how to run an online business and many, many other things. We’re very blessed to have success right out of the gate, because I think this is something that so many people want to learn and need to learn.

Also, I think that the proofs and the pudding I sat down and over the course of a weekend read everything I could about how these marketplace websites work and how online courses work, and how do you record videos and how do you edit videos and all the stuff. The results don’t lie, I suppose. From then until now over the last four years as you’ve said, we’ve gotten about a 120,000 students through the program. We have courses at every different level and a book and a weekly podcast. Yeah, that’s our mission is to help people learn anything and everything faster and with more ease.

[0:07:47.5] MB: I remember you sharing an interesting anecdote in your Ted Talk, where you talked about a friend of yours who could read I think 2,000 words a minute?

[0:07:57.5] JL: Yeah, that was the gentleman who introduced me to his wife. Now 2,000 words per minute I do want to say is not a 100% retention. It’s a peak speed, of course. Probably his every day reading speed is more like 900 to 1,200 words a minute. Yeah, to give people a little bit of context, your average college graduate in their native language reads about 250 words per minute.

I at my fastest ever when I was reading reams of paper every day and I was really in my best shape, I was reading about 750 to 800 words a minute with 80% to 90% comprehension. You’re talking about on average about a 3X improvement in reading speed.

[0:08:38.2] MB: That’s staggering. I want to dig into really concretely is how you did that and how specially you maintained the comprehension, because that’s been one of my biggest struggles with speed reading is how that impacts comprehension. Before we do, I wanted to underscore one of the things you said that I thought was really interesting, which is your struggle through the current education system and more broadly how science has taught us a lot of things about how the brain learns. Yet, it seems like our society really hasn’t actually implemented any of those or taken any of them into account when crafting our educational curriculum.

[0:09:15.9] JL: Yeah. It’s a really incredible thing. I had the very  blessed opportunity to sit down with Harry Lorayne, who started – I mean, if you think about Tony Buzan as the father of mind maps, or the modern father of mind maps and speed reading, Harry Lorayne is the father of mnemonic techniques. He used to go on the Johnny Carson show in the 50s and 60s, memorize everybody in the audience 1,500 names and then recite them on-air.

Talk about just someone who brought these techniques and who actually rediscovered them in many ways from the ancient Greeks who were using them. I asked him, I said, “Harry, I’ve been at this three, four years. You’ve been at this 55 years. Why is this not in schools?” He said, “Schools seem to have – they try to be progressive and they seem to have this phobia around the word memorization.”

He told me the story of how he went in to a superintendent and said, “Well, I’m an expert in memorization,” and the immediate response was, “We don’t teach memorization. Memorization is the enemy.” He goes, “Okay, well you’re teaching kids the grammatical rules of a language, you’re teaching kids how to use formulas in Algebra, how do you think those things are getting into their minds?”

I think we need to distinguish between rote memorization and actual memory. I think there is a huge problem in schools today where they shy away rightfully so from memorization, but they throw the baby out with the bath water. What we’re doing is we’re not using memory techniques, mnemonics because we’re afraid of this idea of rote memorization. When in fact, there are certain things – Pythagorean theorem you need to memorize, multiplication tables, you probably need to memorize even though every student has an iPhone in their hand at this point. Vocabulary words we need to be memorizing.

I think that’s part of the big problem. I think the other part is people just – they have no concept of how powerful and effective these tools are. Only recently have we started seeing studies that are actually testing, not drugs to enhance concentration, but actually what happens in the brain when we sit someone down, we teach them the method of loci, we teach them visual mnemonic strategies and the results have been staggering.

I think it’s really starting to become a renaissance in understanding how the brain works, and I guess we have to credit a lot of the research that’s been done around meditation over the last couple decades, because it’s really led the way in saying, “Oh, my God. The brain is so incredibly plastic.” Who would’ve thought that you can actually upgrade your brain? You can change in structure of the prefrontal cortex, you can cortical gyrification, you can change all these incredible things just by using your brain differently, in the case of meditation by concentrating on your breath for 10 minutes a day, you can actually change the physical structure of the brain and the neuro-chemistry.

I think what’s happened is once that research started to become accepted and started to become legitimate, people could then say, “Hey, we’re going to sit down 30 people and 15 of them we’re going to teach how to use a memory palace and 15 of them we’re just going to give a list of numbers to memorize and let’s see what actually happens to their brains.”

[0:12:23.2] MB: It’s funny, evolution obviously crafted our brains to learn at certain ways, and yet most of the strategies and tactics that we use both in and sort of public education, but also just in our own lives trying to learn and memorize things are almost at odds with that.

[0:12:41.0] JL: Yeah, it’s beautiful what you just said, because I like to – I joke around. A friend of mine is Robb Wolf who I also met through podcasting, and I really admire his work and I always like to tell him that what he does for diet and nutrition, I want to do for memory. I want to talk about paleo-learning, because it’s really exactly the same learning.

If you’re familiar with Robb and his work and Dr. Lauren Cordain it’s all about, let’s just – what we did with our bodies and our digestive tracts before the agricultural revolution, let’s just go back to that, because everything was a lot better when we were all eating natural, healthy, unprocessed food from nature. It’s the exact same thing with the super learning technique.

We weren’t learning in these boring rigid textbooks, we were learning in very visual and very graphic ways. We were learning around spatial awareness, which is what the memory palace technique does and why it works. We’re reconnecting everything to our pre-existing knowledge, and if you go even as far as 1955, you look at the works of Dr. Malcolm Knowles. People are starting to discover like, “Wait a minute. Adults need this connection to pre-existing knowledge. They need to understand pressing applicability to the things that they’re learning.”

It’s exactly as you said. It’s going back and it’s using our brains the way that they’re intended to be used, as opposed to the way that the industrial revolution intended, which is how do we turn out workers as fast as possible and in the most efficient way as possible for limited tasks that have limited creativity?

If you look, I mean I’m the product of great schooling and so I don’t want to completely bash the school system. It was designed very intentionally around an industrial economy that turns out worker bees. It’s rare that you find someone who develops their creativity and their entrepreneurial spirit and all these things that we today in our service economy value and prioritize and reward.

It’s very rare that someone learns that in school. They learn it at ballet practice. They learn it with mentors. They learn it with their parents at home. They learn it even with the teacher after school. Wrestling practice is where they learn that discipline and that charisma. They’re not learning it in the classroom, which was designed around a totally different set of ends that are no longer valuable to us, I think.

[0:15:08.1] MB: I’d love to hear a little bit about maybe some examples or some specific studies that talk about how the brain actually learns and what the science says about it.

[0:15:19.0] JL: Yeah, absolutely. Not too long ago, a little under a year ago, we got in our Google alerts just to get – you would think if you looked at this piece of research, that we funded it or something like that, but it was just a gift that fell into our laps. It turns out that researchers at Radboud University in the University of Netherlands had basically decided to do this study that we’ve been trying to fund on our own for quite some time.

What they did is basically they took a bunch of people, and they did a 40-day long study, with 30-minute training sessions, which is actually coincidentally exactly what’s in our market materials is study for this long for 30 minutes a day.
What they did is they taught a group of people strategic memory techniques, specifically the memory palace technique. If anyone isn’t familiar with the memory palace technique, we can go into that in more depth. If you’ve seen Sherlock, that’s the technique. It’s actually a real thing. Then they had people do rote memorization and then they gave people no memory training, whatsoever.

They gave them lists of words to try and remember. 72 words and they asked them to try and remember as many as possible. Then they came back and had the same groups of people try to without any continued training, four-months duration, tried to do the same thing.

They were trying to understand two things; number one, in the immediate term, are we actually getting better results? Are we able to immediately after learning skills for a matter of minutes or hours, are we able to improve our memorization? Four months later, if we tell these people, “Okay don’t practice. Don’t bother with,” are you actually seeing lasting effects or is it a fluke?

In tandem to that, they also studied the brains of 23 word-class memory athletes. I don’t know where they found 23 of them, because the memory athlete community is pretty small and pretty selective. 23 world-class memory athletes and 23 people similarly aged with similar health, similar IQ, but with self-described average memory skills.

What’s so exciting about the study is they actually were able to use FMRI, which is pretty new technology and leaps and bounds above what MRI imaging can do, because you can actually observe the blood flow changes that are happening in the brain in real-time. Totally huge

Here is what happened, basically they realized that the only differences between people who are memory athletes and normal people was the connectivity patterns in the brain. If you look today at an Olympian like Michael Phelps, you’re going to notice that there are some actual structural changes. In the case of Michael Phelps, he has a longer wingspan, which allows him to move water more effectively.

If you look at Olympic cyclists, they have crazy high VO2 and stuff like that. Then you’re actually seeing in many cases mutations – I don’t want to call them mutations, because people straight go to X-Men, but you’re seeing uniqueness in their physiology that is allowing them to do a lot of the stuff. Dean Karnazes, ultra-marathoner we recently had on the show, his body reacts differently to lactic acid and oxygen and stuff like that.

However, with these memory experts, all you’re seeing is that their brains know how to make connections differently across 2,500 different areas of connectivity in the brain and a specific subset of 25 connections really stood out. They were being used by the memory athletes and they were not being used by other people.

Now anyone who has studied mnemonics gets this, immediately understands, because the difference that we train in our students is number one. Well, I guess I should say out of three, number one visualization. Enhance every type of memory with visualization, visualize everything that you want to memorize. Number two, connect it to preexisting knowledge, right? That’s two arrears of the brain that we’re now lighting up.

They are not being lit up when someone else learns something new. Then number three in the study they were using as I said, the method of loci, the memory palace technique, which is a whole different part of the brain. When you’re dealing with locations and remembering specific areas and putting memories into those specific areas; in a sense, creating a visual library in your brain.

With regards to the other piece of the study really, really interesting, taking completely untrained people essentially before the training, individuals were able to recall on average 26 to 30 words. Those with the strategic memory training could recall more than double. They could recall an average of 35 more words and those who just had some short-term memory training, not specific memory palace technique, only got 30% better. They could recall 11 more words. Those who had no memory training whatsoever, just were practicing over and over and over and coming up with their own strategy, but not actual training, could remember only seven more words.

A day later, these results stayed the same. I know you guys are wondering what the hell happened four months later. Only those with the strategic training, those who actually learned the memory palace technique were able to show substantial gains. Here is what’s so cool, the same day they were able to do 35 more words on average, so over a 100%, about a 115% better performance. Four months later without even training these techniques, they still got over 22 more words per training. That’s a 80% improvement give or take. Just incredible.

Like I said, if I had begged and pleaded and funded the study myself, I couldn’t have asked for a better study, because this exactly explains what we’ve been trying to show people that it’s just a matter of using your brain the way that evolution intended, actually harnessing different parts of the brain that are being used when you’re just repeating over and over and over and over and over with rote memorization. Exactly as we say, if you train for a short period of time and it’s just 30 minutes a day, you’re essentially relearning how to use your brain and there are very, very long-lasting changes in the way that your brain works. Not so much in the structure, but actually in the way that you’re using the equipment that’s given to you.

[0:21:49.3] MB: It’s really fascinating and so interesting. I’m sure you get this all the time, but it just makes me think of how can this really have such a huge impact? For somebody who’s listening and maybe thinking to them self, “Oh, yeah. That sounds great. If I’m going to try it, it’s not really going to work.” What would you say to someone?

[0:22:06.6] JL: Yeah. I get that so much that I actually came out with a lecture recently in our program. It’s a concept. It’s around the concept that I call the Intellectual Pygmalion or Golem Effect. If anyone is familiar, anyone has studied management, the Pygmalion effect is the idea – this weird unexplainable phenomenon that came out of the Rosenthal Jacob study, which I believe, don’t quote me on this, but I believe if memory serves was 1979.

What it says is if a manager or authority figure, such as a parent, teacher or whatever believes that a student is a high-performer, is intelligent, is going to be successful, whether or not they communicate that – in fact, even if they tried to suppress their beliefs in a situation where they’re supposed to be objective, such as in academia, teachers are not supposed to show that they believe or don’t believe in a student. They’re supposed to show that they believe in every student, even if the authority figures tries to suppress that, the student will actually perform better or worse.

Better is the Pygmalion effect, the golem effect is the opposite. If I hire an employee and after the first week I start thinking, “Oh, man. What a dufus. I completely screwed up hiring this guy.” You can actually take an A performer and magically turn them into a B performer or worse. What I realized over half a decade now of teaching this stuff almost, is the same thing is happening with ourselves, that the highest authority figure to each and every one of us is our ego.

If people walk around telling themselves, and I’ve observed this in myself. If I told you Matt that I always use the memory techniques that we teach, I would be lying. Because probably five times out of 10, I don’t even use them. If it’s not a significant memory challenge, such as memorizing a 16-digit number, I’ll just say a credit card number and I’ll remember it.

Now what I realized is that something along the lines of what Harry Lorayne told me which is, even if these techniques don’t work for you, they’ll still work for you. What I realized is that just by believing that I have an exceptional and extraordinary memory by trusting my memory, I’ve flipped from the Pygmalion effect to the golem effect. My ego’s incentive, my mind’s incentive is always to prove me right.

If I’m telling myself I have a lousy memory, I’m really bad with names, or I don’t know – I hear so many of these. I get e-mails every single day, Matt. I’m a horrible language learner. I have this undiagnosed learning disability. I have always been told that I am not good at math. Those things become self-fulfilling prophecies.

I think one of the greatest side effects, if you will, of any program, whether it’s ours, whether it’s my friend Anthony Metivier, whether it’s Tony Buzan’s, any training program is people start to believe, “I have this tool in my pocket. I’m actually incredibly bright and I’m actually incredibly gifted with my memory and I actually can do this and I can remember this phone number.” People see just a dramatic switch, a really, really dramatic switch solely by believing in themselves.

I know it sounds so touchy-feely, but like I said the research backs it up and I tend to believe if a manager can influence your results, just imagine how much your own self-talk and walking around telling people, “Oh, my God. I’m such a klutz. I’m so forgetful. I have the worst memory.” Just imagine the effect that that has on you.

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Back to the show.

[0:27:07.1] MB: Let’s get into some of the specifics of how the brain is supposed to work from a memory standpoint. I know one of the things you’ve talked a bit about the picture superiority effect. I don’t know if t hat’s a piece of it, or if that’s one of the cornerstones. I’d love to hear your thoughts about that specifically, and more broadly how our brains should be learning and how we can start to learn and memorize in a way that speaks the evolutionary language of the brain.

[0:27:32.4] JL: Yes, absolutely. I will preface this by saying I’m not a neuroscientist and I don’t even pass as one on the internet. What I have been able to do is take a lot of neuroscience and a lot of research both from the soft sciences; so from psychology and stuff like that and from the hard sciences, understanding the small amounts of neuroscience that I do putt into my courses and synthesize those.

The truth is I have to say that they’re all sync up and meshed u perfectly together. We know a lot of different things about the brain, despite the fact that we know less about our brains than we do the bottom of the ocean floor. We know actually quite a bit about them. One of the things that we do know is that our brains are built in clusters, in networks. A lot of people are hearing the terms neural networks thrown around.

Many people in fact who are software developers may not even realize that that is a real thing outside of computer science. Neural networks refer to the clusters of neurons in our brains. Now our neurons are basically electrically excitable cells. We have, if I’m not mistaken, a 100 billion of them. There are more neurons in your brain than there are stars in the known universe, which is a really, really amazing thing if you think about it.

The human brain is far and away the most complex object known, which I just think is so cool. It will probably be another 100 years before we’re able to design something as complex and sophisticated as the human brain and yet, it runs on 20 watts of power.

Little aside on how amazing our brains our, these neurons are connected by synapses, which are just think of them as little electrically connective pathways. The way that they’re setup and built is essentially in clusters. The brain is highly plastic. It’s always building new connections. Every time we go to bed, it’s building connections, it’s removing connections.

You can think of your knowledge as organized in these clusters, these chunks, which are called neural networks. The way that we enhance our memory is really three-fold. I like to think of it as three-fold, and then I’ll put it into context a little bit, as far as some of the research goes and what some of the theorists on adult andragogy or learning have said.

The first thing is as you said, picture superiority effect. The way that our brains work really interesting, our strongest and most memorable scent is actually smell and taste, which are effectively the same sense. That’s because smell and scent are way older than any of our other senses. In fact, they’re hardwired directly into the brain. I believe it’s the thalamus. Again, don’t quote me on it.

That’s why if someone passes out and you put smelling salts under their nose, they will wake up, because smell is very, very deeply rooted. Unfortunately, that doesn’t help us for a lot of our learning challenges. Our second most memorable sense, which makes sense from a very evolutionary perspective is sight.

What’s going to be your most powerful evolutionary advantage, it’s probably going to be smell and taste, because so many of our ancestors died from food poisoning and bacteria and poisonous foods and poisonous spiders and God knows what. The next thing is going to be visual. How do the berries looked that poisoned the tribe? What are the colors of the enemy that I need to be aware of? Of course, location which is so closely related to visualization. Where is the watering hole? Where did I bury the food?

Both visual memory, as you said the picture superiority effect and location are deeply ingrained in us. If anyone doesn’t believe me, I challenge you to think back to your childhood home, whether or not you have been there in the last 20 or 30 years and just imagine yourself going into your parents’ bedroom, which is probably a room that you weren’t allowed into very often.

Then go to your mother side of the bed and ask yourself whether or not there was a nightstand. If so, what was on that nightstand? I’ve asked this question probably to a thousand people over the years. Every single time, even with people who tell they’re not visual learners, even with people who tell me they have lousy memories, every single time people have told me exactly what was on that nightstand, or that there wasn’t a nightstand, and in fact the dog’s bed was there. Really interesting. That’s principle one.

Principle number two, which again ties in very, very deeply with the adult andragogy theory is connecting all of our knowledge to preexisting knowledge. As I said, our brains are built on these connections and there is something called Hebb’s Law, which says that neurons that fire together, wire together. Meaning, the more connected a memory is to other memories, the stronger those connections will be and the more easy it is going to be fire that neuron when we need it.

Everything that we learn should be connected to other pieces of knowledge that we have. Malcolm Knowles as I said, suggested this. I mean, essentially he was working for three decades on his theories of adult andragogy, then 1980 finally published his four principles. One of which was that experience, including mistakes must provide the basis for learning activities.

In other words, she found that experience and connecting to preexisting knowledge is so much more relevant for adults than it is for children. Which makes perfect sense if you think that adults have so much more experience and children are able to learn just because of the novelty and newness of things that wears off for adults.

Then I would say, yeah the third thing is exactly that, is even as adults we could take advantage of novelty and newness. Our brains thrive on novelty. They’re always sensing patterns. In fact, as I said, they are the most sophisticated super computers in the known universe and their specialization, what they can do that even the most powerful super computers cannot do is pattern recognition; things like recognizing exactly what is in an image.

The reason that we all do so many captures every day is because if a piece of text is even slightly outside of what the computer expects to see, they can’t do it. Yet, a two-year-old child who spent a week memorizing the alphabet can do it. Novelty is really, really powerful for our brains. They are pattern-sensing machines. If anything falls outside of the pattern, they pay very special attention to it.

Coming back to lesson number one, we always want to be thinking a very novel and creative imagery. Then I would say as a bonus is learning how to put things into space, so learning how to use the memory palace technique and then combining all of the above. The beauty of the memory palace technique is you’re taking imagery, which is you’re putting images at what we call markers in the course, into an imagine the visual locations such as your childhood home, or your office, or whatever it might be.

You were then connecting it to that preexisting knowledge, because it is a location that you know, and they are images comprised of elements from your memory. Then you’re making things incredibly novel and unique. You’re making strange visualizations that make no sense logically, but are therefore highly memorable.

That in a sense is the way that you really take off all the boxes. You learn to structure your memories, you learn to build out deliberate neural networks, you learn obviously on top of that to do reviewing and space repetition in the right ways. It sounds so simple, but you’d be amazed that the results that you can get simply by taking advantage of these and by restructuring the way that you learn and memorize new information.

[0:35:28.9] MB: Many different pieces of that that I want to dig into. Tell me a little bit more about how do we encode our new knowledge onto preexisting knowledge?

[0:35:41.6] JL: Yeah, that’s a great question. Well, why don’t we take something that we want to learn and let’s play around with it. Toss me something that I could memorize, maybe we could do a foreign language word if you want. We could do any fact. We could do numbers, figures. I guess, I could give you some foreign language words that I’ve learned over the years and we could play around with that.

[0:36:02.1] MB: Yeah. I’m down for whatever. However you want to do it.

[0:36:04.5] JL: Yeah, cool. I’ll never forget. This is one of my favorite learning stories, because I – I learned basic conversational Russian over the last couple of years. Russian is a very, very hard language, so I feel like as any foreigner, you always have to qualify. I didn’t Russian – I learned very basic Russian. I speak like a two-year-old. In any case, one of my favorite words in Russian is otkrytyy, which means open.

I like that example, because it literally sounds nothing like open. Like otkrytyy. Totally strange word. The way that I would teach a student to learn a word like that is to break it down into component elements until it’s recognizable, right? Ot and maybe krytyy. Now the beauty of using this method is if we need to use preexisting knowledge, it therefore would mean that the more preexisting knowledge we have, the easier it’s going to be to learn something.

For example, when I give this lecture in Israel and I talk about otkrytyy, it’s actually easier for people in the audience to learn, because ot in Hebrew means letter, letter as in alphabet letter. Krytyy is actually the way that you would say critical. I ask people to imagine a critical letter, the most critical letter in the alphabet and then imagine the fact that it’s opening up to give them a hug.

Now if you’re an English speaker, you can still do this. Let’s imagine we want to go with obviously very vivid, maybe even violent imagery, because it’s going to be more memorable. I want you to imagine a situation in which you’ve been, heaven forbid, stabbed. You’re holding your gut and you run up to the emergency room, and you think to yourself that it really should be open, it ought to be open, because I’m in a critical situation. You have the ot and krytyy.

Then you realize, “Thank God, it is open.” The emergency room is always open, so now you’ve encoded that meaning to maybe some preexisting image, or concept, or idea that you have about an emergency room. If you really wanted to supercharge it, you would think of maybe a specific movie or situation in which someone was stabbed. You might even think of Julius Caesar doing it, because that’s going to connect with all different ideas and knowledge that you have about stabbings and betrayal. It’s literally as easy as that. As taking a visualization that you might already have for something that seems unrelated, right? What is a stabbing have to do with the Russian word for open?

I guess, what I would stress to people is that the actual connection themselves don’t make really any difference whatsoever, so much as that you make them. You make these strange logical jumps, but just the fact that you make them is really what gets the job done. I recently built a memory palace, because I’m studying piano and music theory as well.

I needed to come up with a memory palace to have this circle of fists. I come up with the most ridiculous visualizations. For some reason, an A – the A chord for me is army guys. B is a bass strap, because it happens to be in my recording studio. It doesn’t matter. As long as I remember that a bass strap is B. I remember – I can’t say some of them, because they’re pretty indecent, but let’s see. An A sharp is only sharp, so it’s where I stand with my computer and I check the videos in the room.

Really any connection works. It doesn’t even matter. G sharp is a G-shock watch in the closet of the room. It’s just a matter of making these logical connections and connecting. I remember when I was 13 years old, these G-shock watches were considered really, really sharp and everybody wanted one. That’s when I think of a G sharp, I just get a G-shock. It’s much more memorable to remember that than trying to remember the letters G and hashtag, or pound in the corner of the room. It’s so much easier or visualize something that I already know what it looks like.

[0:40:15.8] MB: Do memory palaces get crowded? If you’re using the same image, or the same space again and again, do those memories start to get jumbled and bleed together? Especially one of the examples I’ve seen, you start doing some memory homework on my own is using the same image for numbers. After a while, I feel like it would start to get – it start to sort of bleed together and become really, really hard to inherently recall any of those memories.

[0:40:43.7] JL: That is precisely right, Matt. I always say that these techniques are a victim of their own success, in the sense that I’ve created memory palaces and then years and years and years and years later, I still remember the order. It literally works that effectively. I’ve made a mistake in the past. I was coaching my girlfriend on a Ted Talk that she had to give.

I said, “Okay, well why don’t we do it in a place that we both know.” I wasted effectively one of the best memory palaces I could use, which was a new apartment that I not so long ago moved into. Now it’s her Ted Talk and I can’t reuse it. I mean, I could if I really wanted to do the spring cleaning. I know a lot of memory athletes, in fact most of them do reuse memory palaces. That’s typically for things that they go through once in a competition.

When someone’s memorizing 24 decks of cards back-to-back, they’re using a predetermined memory palace. Or when they’re doing speed cards where they try to memorize a deck of cards and the current world record is 24 seconds, you don’t have time to build a new memory palace on the fly. They use the same one over and over.

It’s not something that they’re reviewing. Whereas, when I’m memorizing a speech, or memorizing words in the rest in vocabulary, or the circle of fist, I’m reusing that memory palace over and over and over to get to really, really, really ingrained in. Fortunately, memory palaces are free. You can create as many as you want, whenever you want. It’s very easy and you’ll effectively never run out of places.

Every shop you’ve ever gone into you can use as a memory palace, and you’ll find that so many places if I think about it there are 10 different grocery stores that I go to in my neighborhood depending on what I want to buy that day and I know the layout of all those grocery stores automatically. Most people in the audience do too.

I remember so many classrooms from my childhood, I remember all of my aunts and uncles and their houses. If not, when in doubt, I’ve met many memory champion who will just window shop. You need a new memory palace, you go in to a clothing store, you say, “Yeah, this place looks big enough.” You walk in. “Can I help you with anything?” “No, just browsing.” You just walk around and create a memory palace.

It’s really all it takes. You really don’t need more than that. In fact, people ask, “Well, what if I get it wrong? What if I forget?” It actually doesn’t matter. As long as you get it wrong consistently every single time. You can use completely fictional areas. You can use the levels of your favorite games if you have them memorized. You can use streets, cities. You can use completely fictional structures. The main point is that you always consistently remember the exact same layout and order of things.

[0:43:38.2] MB: This is going to get into the weeds, but I’m curious like how many things will you typically put into a given room of a memory palace and how do you ensure that you pull them out of that room in the right order?

[0:43:52.9] JL: It completely depends. Sometimes, I’ve coached chess prodigies who need to memories hundreds of things in a room and we’ve worked on creating structures that allow that kind of density. I’ve done simple memory palaces, like I said for a 10-minute Ted Talk, where I want to structure the information in such a way that each idea is in a room. It may end up that I have three sentences on a specific idea.

Again, you create completely artificial logic. The part where I talk about the person getting sick, well that goes in the bedroom logically. Or the part where I talk about the years of hard work I did, that goes in the office. As far as order, there is a method to the madness when you go through a memory palace. If it is something like a speech that needs to be done in order, you go along the outside walls of a room. You can do it clockwise or counter-clockwise. Personally, I like to go clockwise. But I know when I’m working with people in Israel because of the way that Hebrew is written, they like to go counter-clockwise, right to left.

A lot of scenarios by the way, if you’re memorizing vocabulary doesn’t really matter. Sometimes I’ll structure by letter. K is kitchen, O is office, B is bathroom, so on and so forth. What I’ve realized, actually a student of mine pointed it out to me is that doesn’t really help me, because there are a very few situations in which I’m searching for a B word, unless you’re writing poetry. He pointed out to me and I love it when students improve the methods and pass it back to me.

He goes, “It’s more often that you’re going to be searching for a verb, or you’re going to be searching for a specific adjective.” I mean, even in English when you’re talking, you have something right on the tip of your tongue you’re like, “What is that? What is that adjective that I need right now?” He said, “Why don’t you set it up that the entire first floor of the house is nouns, the second floor of the house is adjectives, third floor is verbs and so on.”

Since he said that, I’ve realized that that is a much better way to structure your memory palace. It actually doesn’t matter the order of things and where you put them. You just go based on the logic,  right? If you have an entire floor which has the dining room, the TV room and the kitchen all in one floor, then the verb for to saute goes on the stove. The verb to cook goes to the right of the stove where the oven is. The verb for to wash goes in the sink.

Then you’re again connecting that preexisting knowledge, creating more encoded connections, because you know that that’s where you wash. Just the fact, even if I forget the actual word, I just go and I visit the sink and I go, “Okay, why the hell do I have a care bear rubbing a grasshopper on his face? Okay. Right, right, right. To wash is so and so.” Does that make sense?

[0:46:52.9] MB: That does make sense. I think the other key point that I want to underscore or understand a little bit better is how you – when you say you put a verb on these – the stove top for example, what is that verb? Like when you go and look at the stove top, what are you actually seeing?

[0:47:08.9] JL: Yeah. That was an example I just pulled out of nowhere. Why don’t we actually do it? I’m going everyone a word in Hebrew. To cook in Hebrew, every infinitive word starts with la, like in English you would say to. To cook, le veshel. La or le. I guess, in English, you would spell it L-E-V-E-S-H-E-L, le veshel.

The le, you probably don’t have to encode, but we could encode it anyway. Most likely if you’re studying  the language, you would just know that that is the infinitive form. What I would do if I were relearning Hebrew is I would actually take the root. All semitic languages, again a little bit of a detour out into the weeds, but all semitic languages, like Arabic, Turkish, I believe Amharic, Farsi have this root, where if I know these three letters I can form any word around it. I can form any form of the word.

For example, cooking, like culinary cooking is bishul. I cooked, beshalti, veshalti. What else? Cook this, te vashel edze. You know based on the B, or V, the BVs, which is I chose a tough example, but based on those letters I can form anything. What I might want to do is just form a visual marker, getting back to your questions, around B-E-S-H-E-L. Are you with me so far?


[0:48:40.4] MB: Yeah, definitely. I’m trying to think about in my head, like what a visual marker would be. Maybe I’m thinking a shell of some kind, maybe wearing a lei so I could get the le part.

[0:48:52.6] JL: Perfect. Perfect. I want you to think, that’s exactly what I needed because I want to use your imagery, not my own. A lot of people ask me they’re like, “Why don’t you sell a library of images that you have an animator come up with for each language. A lot of our students want to learn biology or whatever.” I say, “It’s not going to work, because I need your imagery.” I love the idea of a lay. Let’s imagine, you go to the stove and you’re wearing a lei.

Then what you do is you actually lay down on the stove a shrimp, because you’re about to cook it. The thing is you realize that this is the best shrimp you’ve ever seen, because the shell is so bright red. Or we could even make it a lobster. Le beshel, in this case it would actually be le veshel, because the word has to change. There is a weird grammatical rule, but we’re going to go with it.

You could also just think of something with a ve. For examples, vest. You want to try and avoid encoding these extra characters. Le is perfect, ve how could we think of? This is why when I said actually the more languages you know, the easier this becomes. We want to think of something with a ve. For example, the lobster is writing a vespa, or he’s wearing a vest. Then shell is perfect, remembering that lobster is wearing a shell. Now you want to take that actual visualization, you want to put it right there on the stove, the actual stove that you’re thinking of.

[0:50:26.4] MB: Yeah, that totally makes sense. I’m envisioning slightly different thing, but I’m seeing like a giant seashell riding a vespa and I’m gently laying it on the stove top.

[0:50:35.9] JL: Yeah, just remember you want to encode the order –

[0:50:38.5] MB: That’s important.

[0:50:39.5] JL: - careful. Yeah, because otherwise you’re going to come back with ve lashel, or something like that. Ve shela. That’ a very tough word specifically. I like it when – this is always why I tell people, the more languages you learn, the easier this gets, because you have a larger library of sounds. I can’t think of anything in English that works with just ve. Let’s see, ve, ve, ve. Whereas, in Hebrew, ve it means aunt. Super easy, right?

[0:51:07.5] MB: Yeah, I was thinking maybe like a ve or like victory or something.

[0:51:11.1] JL: Yeah, that’s perfect. That’s perfect.

[0:51:14.0] MB: I think this is a good example of a visual marker and how to create one.

[0:51:17.4] JL: Exactly. Exactly. For anyone on the audience who’s wondering like, “Oh, my God. This is impossible. How is this not so much slower?” Once you’re practiced at it and a lot of what we do is actually creativity training, because a lot of these takes retooling the way you think creatively. To the point where when someone introduces himself, or herself and says, “My name is Sangita,” you immediately go to this woman sitting in a gi, which is a karate uniform in the sun and remarking, “ah.” That’s one that I just came up with. Now so you immediately get to this place very, very quickly, Sangita.

[0:51:56.9] MB: That’s a great example. There’s so much more I want to dig into about memory palaces, but I know we’re winding up on time. I want to dig in a little bit on speed reading as well, because I know that’s another area that you’re an expert in. Personally, I’m really curious, because I’ve always considered myself an auditory learner.

My fear is if I completely move away from sub-vocalization, that is going to reduce my comprehension. I think more broadly, a lot of people have that fear of if they’re going to get into speed reading, it’s going to really negatively impact comprehension and retention. I’m curious as somebody who teaches this and is an expert in it, what’s your experience been and how have you been able to in some cases, actually improve retention with speed reading.

[0:52:41.3] JL: Yeah. This is a really, really great question and one that I’ve dug into very recently for a YouTube series that we’re doing on just exactly this question, like how does speed reading work and is it actually a hoax?

What I realized is we were in a lot of ways feeding into a lot of misconceptions, because when people hear the term speed reading, they’re thinking about these Howard Berg 12,000 word a minute, or Ann Jones, 5,000 word a minute guarantees. As I dug into the research, I mean we don’t make those kinds of claims. But as I dug into the research I realized that that’s what people specifically academics think of when they think of speed reading. Most of that is bullshit. In fact, the vast majority and Jones has been tested with 5,000 words per minute.

Howard Berg claims to read 12,000 words a minute. He also went to prison for false advertising. There’s a lot of controversy around speed reading, and so I want to very clearly out front explain to people the kind of speed reading I’m about to talk about is not 5,000 words a minute, it’s not even 2,000 words a minute. It’s 600 to 800 words a minute.

Interestingly enough when you look into the academic papers and the research that are supposedly disproving speed reading, they in around about indirect and intentional way prove speed reading, because they say in our test we were only able to confirm people reading between 600 and 800 words a minute and so on and so forth.

Really interesting and we have a video coming out on our YouTube, where I analyze the most prominent paper disproving speed reading by Keith Rayner, Elizabeth Schotter, Michael Masson and so on. In any case, essentially the core claim, the core technique behind speed reading is the same no matter who you talk to, whether it’s us or the guys claiming 5,000 words a minute.

When you get up into the really fast speeds, people are claiming things like photo reading and reading an entire page at once and that’s all BS. The reasonable claims are very simple. It’s training your eyes to recognize even the stuff that’s slightly fuzzy outside of what’s called the fovea, the exact area where eyes focus. Training the brain to recognize a couple words at once even if they’re a little blurry, or even a few words, minimizing the motion of the eyes and minimizing the amount of focus that you have on the edges of the pages.

Then of course, minimizing back-skipping and most importantly the thing that everyone agrees on is minimizing sub-vocalization, or that voice that we hear in our heads. Now you said something very, very interesting Matt, which I want to touch on. It’s this idea that I worry if I completely get rid of sub-vocalization that I won’t be able to comprehend and you’re absolutely right.

We realize that our trainings were not completely clear, because we were telling people reduce sub-vocalization, reduce – when in fact, the word we should’ve been using was minimize. Minimize, but not eliminate. You cannot eliminate sub-vocalization. It’s just the way that our brains work. Because reading is a linguistic activity, you’re always going to hear some of the words in the mind’s voice.

The trick of speed reading is to try and minimize that as much as possible, because it does slow you down. We can process verbal information, auditory information at about a maximum of 340 words a minute. Some people, 400 words per minute. If you want to test this out, go on YouTube, or better yet go on something like overcast, which allows you to actually take audio beyond 2X. YouTube has realized this and so they only allow you to go to 2X.

The average person speaks at about a 140, 150 words a minute. The mass checks out. If you try to go to 3X, you’ll quickly realize that you can’t differentiate the words. Whereas, with speed reading you start at 450 words a minute, and as I said the research indirectly proves that a lot of speed readers are able to get 600, 700 and even 800 words per minute with very high comprehension. The way that you do that is in fact, minimizing, but not reducing sub-vocalization to an absolute zero.

[0:56:58.6] MB: What about for somebody’s who’s primarily an auditory learner, is that going to have a more negative impact on their sub-vocalization?

[0:57:05.6] JL: I reject the idea of someone being an auditory learner, similar to the way that I reject someone as just being inherently weak. If you take someone who’s inherently weak and you put them in a weight room and you train them on how to properly do squats and how to properly do dead lifts, they will quickly become strong.

I think the same is true of the various ways that we learn. I think many people, not to throw you under a bus here, Matt, but I think many people who claim to be auditory learners are auditory learners because they were taught in an auditory fashion. They spent most of their childhood listening to someone lecture.

Generally, when I sit down with someone like that and I teach them visual learning strategies, it’s night and day for them. With that said, I don’t completely shun auditory learning. I think it has a very valuable place for us, especially given how much we all spend in our cars and on our bikes and walking our dogs. I think it’s great to listen to audio books.

Even in the case where you are doing auditory learning, I always encourage my students to be setting markers to be doing the visual work. As you’re listening to that podcast, if there are things that you want to remember, if there are book titles that you want to note for later, create a memory palace as you’re going. Gary Vaynerchuck starts talking about one of this favorite books, create a marker for Cloud C. Hopkins. How are you going to remember that? Then put it right on the tree next to where your dog did its business, so that you’re going to remember it later, because otherwise a lot of that stuff, even for self-proclaimed auditory learners is going to go in one ear and out the other.

I think the same is true by the way when we read a book in a normal fashion. When we all just sit there and read a book, how much do we actually remember, even if we’re reading it slowly at 200, 200 words a minute, how much do you actually, actually remember three months later? Whereas, my students will flip back through that same book and go, “Oh, yeah. This is the part where Benjamin Franklin took that wheel barrel. Right. Yeah, he did say that he did—”

They will actually have archival knowledge based on the images that they’ve created and the visual linkages and the encoding of the knowledge that they’ve done. I think that’s 70% to 80% of the benefit of our program is teaching people how to use their memories properly in any situation. Whether it’s you meet five people at a conference all at once, everyone shakes hands. Four out of those five people, besides the person who’s been trained immediately forget the names. That’s one situation.

Remembering a phone number that you need when you don’t have a pen and paper, that’s another situation. Whatever it may be, I think the crucks of the method and the real value is maybe not so much even in the speed reading, so much is the ability to actually retain the information that you profess to learn.

[0:59:55.3] MB: Just focusing on our creating these visual memory anchors while you’re reading, does that slow down your reading speed?

[1:00:04.4] JL: Yes and no. We advise people to create these markers during pauses, after paragraphs, while flipping pages, in between chapters and things like that, because for most people it’s not something that you can do at once. You can’t be using the visualizations such as the brain to read and do that visualization at the same time.

With that said, I have experienced and many other people who’ve taken the course and we don’t make this guarantee, because it’s inconsistent as to when it shows up for people. After maybe six to eight months of practicing this stuff myself, the visualizations usually just come up in my mind automatically. Then it happens as I’m going from one line to the next, then I start to formulate these images as I go along. In that case, it doesn’t really slow you down.

What does slow you down is you do need to review back. We do tell people, as soon as you finish a chapter, or an idea, close the book, hold your finger where it is. If it’s a kindle, you just put it down. Review back and flip back, and that’s something that’s called spaced repetition. Then do it again when you get to the end of the next chapter. What are the last three chapters that I read? You need to be doing that review process. That does slow you down.

We also advise people to do something called pre-reading, which is where you flip through the chapter and start assessing what are going to be the different things that are going to be talked about at about eight times the speed you would normally read, but just to get an oversight and to prepare your brain for the things that you’re going to be learning. What are some of the key words? What are some of the questions that they’re going to be asking or answering? What are things that I want to look out for? What are things that raise my interest that I’m unclear on? Why is this appearing in the text? All those things do slow you down, but on average you’re still going to find that you’re reading significantly faster. They also serve to improve your focus, so you’re not back-skipping nearly as much.

[1:01:54.9] MB: Do you have any recommendation, or tactic about reading paper books versus kindles or digital reading? Is there one that’s better than the other?

[1:02:05.2] JL: Yeah. Well, let’s see I like the Kindle for a couple different reasons. Number one is I can adjust the size of the text, which is important. If you’re speed reading, you want to be able to get the text to exactly the size where two to three [inaudible 1:02:16.9], or two to three fixations are going to be fixations are going to be the right size for you.

I also think, I love the little x-ray preview feature, because I can preview it very quickly. I just tap on the pages and then I hit the X button and I’m back on the actual page itself. Then the other thing that I think is really, really, really valuable that you’re not going to get unless you’re reading digitally is I highlight. Then what I do is I highlight key areas, key points and then I just go to, I think it’s read.amazon.com/myhighlights. I just review.

Instead of actually flipping through the book and searching for my highlights, I just scroll through them. Every time I finish a book, I go through the last few books that I’ve read. Once a year, I’ll get nostalgic usually towards the end of the year and I’ll flip through all the books that I read the previous year and I’ll review. My knowledge of the books that I read, even though I read an absurd amount, like any given year I might read 20 to 40 books. My knowledge of those books versus someone else who reads at that quantity is pretty remarkably high.

If you were to quiz me on a lot of these books, I think I would do pretty well. That’s because I actually take the time to review the books, and that’s so much easier when you have them all on one webpage stored on Amazon, that all I have to do is flip through them.

[1:03:36.7] MB: What would one piece of homework be that you’d give to somebody listening who wants to maybe take an action step, or a first step towards implementing some of the strategies we’ve talked about today?

[1:03:47.2] JL: I love that you ask that question, Matt. First action step, I think is just to make the world a little bit of a better place by making some connections with real humans. It’s nice to be able to memorize all the capitals of all the countries in the world. I think what the world needs is to people to look one another in the eyes and smile and relate to other human beings just a little bit more.

The homework that I would give is to just go out today and learn the names of 10 completely random strangers. They can be the bad boy at your supermarket. They can be the person who clears your table at the restaurant. Look 10 other human beings in the eyes and smile at them and say, “Hi, I’m so and so. What’s your name?”

Then memorize those names using the techniques. Imagine Mike holding a microphone. Imagine Robert with – dressed up like Robert E. Lee. Imagine Mark dressed up as Mark Twain and see if you can remember those people’s names.

[1:04:44.8] MB: For listeners who want to dig in, learn more, find you, your books, your course etc., online, what’s the best place to do that?

[1:04:51.2] JL: Yeah. I’ll give you a couple different options here. For people who want to try out the course, we offer a completely free trial with no credit card required. People I think can take the entire first two sessions of the course. They can test their memory and reading speed and everything. They can do that if they come at superlearner.com.

For folks who want more super human optimization around nutrition and memory and productivity and lifestyle, they can go to superhuman.blog, where we put out a weekly free podcast with some of the world’s top performers, similar to yourself Matt.

[1:05:29.0] MB: Well, Jonathan thank you so much for coming on the show sharing all of these wisdom, so many practical strategies and tips. I really think that both for speed reading and this enhanced learning memory techniques etc., in many ways a meta skill that if you master that –

[1:05:45.6] JL: 100%.

[1:05:46.2] MB: It’s like a domino that makes everything easier. Makes everything more effective. It’s something I definitely personally need to step my game up on. I’m really glad that we had this conversation. In fact, I really got a lot out of it. Thank you so much.

[1:05:56.9] JL: It was an absolute pleasure. You know what, I couldn’t agree with you more. I’m often quoting as saying learning is the only skill that truly matters. I believe it. I went from completely dissatisfied with who I was academically, socially and professionally to just through learning, whether it’s learning leadership skills, academic skills, business skills, financial skills, even athletic skills and picking up new hobbies. I literally was able to become someone that I’m very proud of to look in the mirror and the only difference was that I learned how to learn more effectively.

[1:06:34.7] MB: Jonathan, thanks again. Really appreciate having you on the show.

[1:06:37.5] JL: My pleasure. Take care.

[1:06:39.1] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you our listeners master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story, or just say hi, shoot me an e-mail. My e-mail is matt@successpodcast.com. That’s M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener e-mail.

I'm going to give you three reasons why you should sign up for our email list today by going to successpodcast.com, signing up right on the homepage. There are some incredible stuff that’s only available to those on the e-mail list, so be sure to sign up, including an exclusive curated weekly e-mail from us called Mindset Monday, which is short, simple, filled with articles, stories, things that we found interesting and fascinating in the world of evidence-based growth in the last week. 

Next, you're going to get an exclusive chance to shape the show, including voting on guests, submitting your own personal questions that we’ll ask guests on air and much more. Lastly, you’re going to get a free guide we created based on listener demand, our most popular guide, which is called how to organize and remember everything. You can get it completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide by signing up and joining the e-mail list today. Again, you can do that at successpodcast.com, sign up right at the homepage, or if you're on the go, just text the word “smarter”, S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44-222. 

Remember, the greatest compliment you can give us is a referral to a friend either live or online. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us an awesome review and subscribe on iTunes because that helps boost the algorithm, that helps us move up the iTunes rankings and helps more people discover the Science of Success. 

Don't forget, if you want to get all the incredible information we talked about in the show, links transcripts, everything we discussed and much more, be sure to check out our show notes. You can get those at successpodcast.com. Just hit the show notes button right at the top. 

Thanks again, and we'll see you on the next episode of the Science of Success.


February 15, 2018 /Lace Gilger
High Performance, Creativity & Memory
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Why Your Brain Struggles To Understand Money with Jeff Kreisler

February 08, 2018 by Lace Gilger in Money & Finance

In this episode we discuss how money messes with your brain. We look into the obvious traps we fall into when we think about money, examine how cultural influences shape our financial choices, and explore the key biases that underpin the most common and dangerous financial mistakes that you are most likely to make with our guest Jeff Kreisler.

Jeff Kreisler is a bestselling author and the winner of the Bill Hicks Spirit Award for Thought Provoking Comedy. He is most recently the co-author of the new book Dollars and Sense: How We Misthink Money and How To Spend Smarter with Dan Ariely. (who we have previously had on the show as well?) Jeff is a regular contributor for CNN, Fox News, MSNBC and more!

  • Get rich cheating??? What’s that all about?

  • The common tropes within the self help industry (and how many of them are not based in evidence)

  • The power of satire to explore the underpinnings of human behavior

  • What is money?

  • Why do we have such a hard time thinking about money?

  • Awareness of your biases is a huge difference maker (even if you do nothing other than just being aware of your biases)

  • Spending is very obvious in our culture, but saving is not

  • Research shows men are more willing to admit they take viagra, than how much money they've saved in their 401ks

  • We dig deep into several of the mental biases that stop you from understanding money

  • The relativity bias and how that impacts spending habits

  • ‘What do you want for dinner” vs “would you rather have chicken or fish for dinner”

  • One of the most obvious traps that we fall into with money

  • “The Pain of Paying” Bias and how it impacts what we think about money

  • “The credit card premium” and how using a credit card makes you pay more

  • Anchoring bias and arbitrary coherence.

  • How your social security number could impact how much you pay for a bottle of wine

  • We often obsess about small financial decisions, but make judgements on a whim with large financial decisions like buying a home or car

  • Self control is really hard

  • “Ulysseses contracts," reward substitution and how to create self control

  • How self awareness is the cornerstone of making better financial decisions

  • The locksmith example and how we misunderstand value and fairness

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SHOW NOTES, LINKS, & RESEARCH

  • [Book] Dollars and Sense: How We Misthink Money and How to Spend Smarter by Dr. Dan Ariely and Jeff Kreisler

  • [Book] Get Rich Cheating: The Crooked Path to Easy Street by Jeff Kreisler

  • [TEDTalk] TEDxEastSalon- Jeff Kreisler: Get Rich Cheating

  • [BluRay] Magnolia

  • [Personal Site] jeffkreisler.com

  • [Twitter] Jeff Kreisler

  • [Twitter] JK Behavioral Sci

  • [Website] People Science

  • [SoS Episode] How a Judge Literally Rolling Dice Could Get You Double The Jail Time - The Anchoring Effect

Episode Transcript


[00:00:06.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:11.8] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success; the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the internet with more than a million downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries.

In this episode, we discuss how money messes with your head. We look into the obvious trap you fall into when we think about money, examine how cultural influences shape our financial choices, and explore the key biases that underpin the most common and dangerous financial mistakes that you are most likely to make in your life, with our guest Jeff Kreisler.

I’m going to give you three reasons why you should join our e-mail list today, by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the homepage. There is some amazing stuff that’s only available to our e-mail subscribers, so be sure to sign up and join the e-mail list. Number one, you’re going to get an awesome free guide that we created based on listener demand. Our most popular guide, which is called How to Organize and Remember Everything. You can get it completely for free, along with another surprise bonus guide when you sign up and join the e-mail list today.

Next, you’re going to get a curated weekly e-mail from us every single week called Mindset Monday. Listeners have been loving this e-mail; it’s short, simple, filled with actionable videos, articles and things that we found enjoyable within the last week.

Lastly, you’re going to get an exclusive chance to shape the show. You can vote on guests, change our intro music, even submit your own questions to our guests and much more when you join the e-mail list. You can do that by going to successpodcast.com, signing up right on the homepage. Or if you’re on the go, if you’re driving around and you’re out and about, just text the word “smarter”, that’s S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44-222. That’s “smarter" to 44-222.

In our previous episode, we discussed how to build a rock star brain. We went into the neuro-chemical compositions that create moods from happiness to depression. We looked at how you can change the building blocks of those neuro-chemicals by changing your diet and your daily habits.

In a world where people are more stressed than ever, sleeping less and trying to do more, we look at the causes of brain drain and what we can do to have physically happier brains with Dr. Michael Dow. If you want to think with crystal clarity, listen to that episode.

[0:02:28.1] MB: Today, we have another exciting guest on the show, Jeff Kreisler. Jeff is the bestselling author and winner of the Bill Hicks Spirit Award for Thought Provoking Comedy. He is most recently the co-author of a new book Dollars and Sense: How We Misthink Money and How to Spend Smarter with Dan Ariely, who was a previous guest on the show. Jeff is a regular contributor to CNN, Fox News, MSNBC and much more. Jeff, welcome to the Science of Success.

[0:02:54.1] JK: Thank you for having me.

[0:02:55.6] MB: Well, we’re excited to have you on here today. To get started, I love to talk a little bit about a previous book that you wrote and there is a Ted Talk around this as well, just called Get Rich Cheating. Tell me a little bit about what inspired you to give that talk and what underpins that.

[0:03:13.2] JK: Sure. I can give you the short-ish version, which is that I was spent many years doing political comedy. One of the things that drove me into that was pointing out the hypocrisies that’s obvious in politics. Through that, I ended up getting up to and to work for Jim Cramer’s thestreet.com writing a humor column about finance.

Then through that, I got an opportunity to pitch a book idea to a publisher and I pitch this idea of get rich cheating. It was basically looking at these get rich quick books. Typically it’s how to flip real estate is almost all of what their suggestions are. Looking to that, combined with this study of hypocrisy, I guess you could say I had both in the world of finance and politics and sports and people showing up their pre-package advice, all of which sort of had the same theme.

It felt like it was a great way to use a vehicle of satire to make a commentary about our obsession with money and really what our system of gaining money was really about. Whether it was the restriction in this real mobility that we talked about, or just the fact that we became so obsessed with getting money and getting rich that we often could justify cutting corners and being unethical.

The book became a combination of really digging to the research of the Enron’s and Bernie Madoffs and the steroid scandal, and even the lesser known things. I mean, I’m sure many of your listeners remember world com. There were plenty of smaller scandals where people got rich, but didn’t get in trouble. Or the trouble they got in was a small fine. One of the over-arching themes of the book, which is what then fed this lecture and talk and show was everyone’s doing it, no one is getting caught, why not?

It was a cost-benefit analysis. There’s no cost. One guy get caught, Bernie Madoff, no one else got in trouble. The benefits are gigantic. This message resonated in a weird way. Like I spoke at business school sometimes doing a satirical thing and I wouldn’t say it was a joke. It was obviously funny, but just interesting ideas and people would say, “Yeah, that makes sense.” Because it eliminated the idea of ethics. Obviously, ethics and morality are important for society function. If you’re strictly an economic actor, just cost-benefit, you’ll latch onto it.

I went a little far from the question being, like how was it inspired? It was inspired as a unique vehicle to expose some of the hypocrisies and challenges in our system. It was a lot of fun to do. I did it. Theaters and business schools and comedy clubs and all over the place.

[0:05:51.4] MB: Well, we’re definitely going to include your Ted Talk in the show notes so the listeners can get a taste of that. I just found it really fascinating, because the show – The Science of Success is all about evidence-based growth, and we really try to focus on science, the data, the evidence. I found your speech to be a really great amalgamation of a lot of the tropes within the self-help industry that totally the opposite of evidence-based. People hawking their own personal systems and these kinds of things. I just through it was a great expose in many ways of a lot of those methods and behavior for lack of a better term.

[0:06:29.0] JK: Yeah. One thing I do when I created the show and when I took it off the book page was I looked at the Tony Robbins. I actually think Tony Robbins has some value to add, but he is a great avatar for these self-help people. Remember Tom Cruise’s character in Magnolia for those that might know that relatively obscure reference.

It was just about, like as you said, it wasn’t evidence-based that I was presenting, even though I was using facts about people that did it. It was just these things that resonated with people emotionally. I think I had a whole setup, whereas like you’ve got to visualize your dreams and I would talk about getting rich and being so rich, you could afford [inaudible 0:07:03.9] egg omelets and you can bite your half.

To visualize your dream, then you confront obstacles to your dreams and it’s stuff like ethics and it’s stuff like society and your board of directors. Then you bust through those obstacles to achieve your dreams and stuff about how you cheat on your 10B5 forms, or whatever it is, or how do you take steroids, or who do you use to back you up and all the different ways that people cheated.

It was all in this very emotion-triggering format of visualizing dreams and being a real man and like, “Let’s go get it.” That is what a lot of self-help tends to be is it goes for that emotional response, not the factual one, not the intellectual one and that is what we fall into. In a way, we’ll get in this later. That’s sort of what that my latest book about money is about is about how – when you make financial decisions based upon emotion and often unconsciously based upon emotion. We’re led away from the best scientific rationale intellectual choice. Certainly when it comes to cheating and it comes to get super rich at any cost, the emotion is in there. Our eyes get big and we get excited for all the things we can do and stuff we can buy with money.

[0:08:18.4] MB: Let’s dig into that a little bit. Tell me about your book Dollars and Sense and how – let’s start really simply, how do you define money? What is money?

[0:08:27.3] JK: Sure. Money is essentially supposed to represent the value of other things. Money is a great development and despite a lot of my work criticizing sort of what money has done to us, it has allowed society to become what it is. If not, we’d be constantly bartering, constantly struggling just to survive.

Money allows us to specialize to pursue arts and sciences, to save, money is divisible, money is storeable, it’s fundable and exchangeable. It’s a wonderful thing, because money represents other stuff. Money really represents opportunity costs. Many of your listeners may have heard the concept opportunity cost. They know what it is. An opportunity costs is basically like what are the other things you could do with money besides what it is you’re about to spend on.

If you’re going to buy coffee and buying coffee is the common financial example, so I’ll just stick with that for now. Think you will spend $5 on a latte, what else could you do with the money? Now there is tons of stuff. You could save it, you could buy five lottery tickets, you could buy whatever 500 penny candies.

There’s a world of opportunities both now and in the future and that is what’s great about money. But it’s also what is the challenge about money, because that’s a lot to think about. It’s a lot to conceive of all the possible things you can do with money. It’s impossible for humans to do that. Strictly scientific economic basis, that’s what we should do is we should think about that opportunity cost.

What ends up happening is that because it is so difficult, because it’s so difficult to really evaluate all the options for this $5, we’d end up taking shortcuts. That’s okay, but oftentimes taking those shortcuts, it goes to such extreme lengths that we lose sight of even any other options.

My co-author Dan Ariely who some of your listeners may know from his book Predictably Irrational and other books. He didn’t experiment where he and some colleagues went to a Toyota dealership. They asked people at the Toyota dealership, “Hey, you’re about to spend let’s say $25,000 on a car. What else could you with that $25,000?”

They couldn’t think of anything. They just couldn’t like even get out of the idea of spending it on a car when pressed further. They said, “Well, if I don’t buy a Toyota, I could buy a Honda.” Even there, they thought of an alternative, but it was still within the same category. It was still about buying a car, when really $25,000 is five vacations for five years. It’s a quarter of a year less work in your life. It can be so many different things.

Money is about opportunity costs, which is great, but is also tremendously challenging and it’s why we have such difficulty thinking about money and evaluating what we should do and why, because of that difficulty we end up taking shortcuts that are often not the best decisions.

[0:11:19.4] MB: I feel like it’s really challenging. I mean, someone who comes out of the financial world, I used to work on Wall Street and I’m still an investor by trade. The infinite possibilities of the opportunity cost of money, how do we start to wrap our heads around that?

[0:11:37.1] JK: Well, one thing you can do and one thing  that drove us to write this book is to start being cognizant of the biases that we have, or the value queues, the shortcuts essentially that I’m talking about that we take when we can’t evaluate a financial choice. Once you’re aware of those, then we don’t want you to face every decision and then spin in your head, but you can start setting up systems to help yourself perform better.

For instance, we know that we don’t save enough money. We know that we burn through our discretionary spending at a rate that we probably shouldn’t. If you’re aware of that, then you can setup a system, one idea that we put forward that’s improving the work is if you have a separate account, like a checking account and then you have a savings account and you get some money put in your savings account, some in your checking account.

Because most of us think about how much money we have to spend based upon what’s on our checking account, what’s on that balance when we take out money from the ATM, we can trick ourselves into thinking we have less money, that even if we stop to think about we know, we have 50% of our paycheck went over to this other account. But what we see is how we decide what to spend. We can trick ourselves to end up spending less. That’s one simple suggestion.

Ultimately, the biases and value queues and shortcuts that we talk about in the book and then others talk about elsewhere, being aware of those is the first and the biggest step towards then developing a personal system, or a system within your family, or a system within your company, or even your community to make better financial decisions.

It feels a little woo woo, but it is very true like just awareness is a huge difference maker. If you just think about how in this country we don’t really talk about money that much. I mean, it’s ironic. In a way, we “talk about it,” because we obsess about it. Our sports heroes make their money like who’s making this much and like we’re always thinking about money, but we never think about how we think about it.

In particular, we never think – excuse me, we never really talk about savings. Spending is very obvious. When people are spending, it’s easy to compete. Your neighbor has a new addition on their house, or a new car, or paints their house. Or your friend gets a new flat screen TV. It’s easy to compete on consumption, but you never are aware what people are saving.

Really that’s one of the most important things you can do with money is to save it, or to invest it for college for your kids to go to college, for you to retire. We never talk about that. I doubt very highly that any of your listeners or many of your listeners know what their friends are saving.

Actually there was a study that men are more willing to admit whether or not they used Viagra than how much they’ve saved in their 401K. I mean, like you think the thing about just how dysfunctional and tiny your savings is will be more impactful and more personal and private than Viagra use, but it’s not. It’s something that I hope that as a culture we can start to break through that wall and be a little more comfortable talking about money. It’s understandable that we aren’t. I come from a family that never really talked about those things either, at least not about savings, but just that awareness that it’s an issue, I think will help us grow and develop better habits. If we can compete on the good aspects of money, as well as the bad ones, I think we’d be better off.

[0:15:03.2] MB: I think that’s a really good point. The whole idea of how money in many ways is a central focus of our society with things – you talk about The Kardashians and lifestyles of the rich and famous and all these things, but at the same time it’s only one facet of money. Really the most important facets, things like saving, investing, etc., really aren’t on the forefront. I think in many ways, one of the things that I look at is it feels like our education system in many ways is going to fail to educate us about – in most cases even basic financial literacy.

[0:15:36.0] JK: Right. Absolutely. We could talk for several more hours or days about our education system has failed us on, but that’s certainly true that we don’t have a system that really gives us useful tools to be more financially literate. Part of the issue is that they’ve done studies that show that financial literacy lessons that are very distinctly, like you should do this, like [inaudible 0:16:00.2] and you should put 10% of this check into this. Those things fade. You get that lesson and it disappears from your memory eventually.

Again, our hope with the book is that it’s more like if you – instead of getting that this is what you should do, we present this is why you’re doing what you’re doing, these are the forces at play, then hopefully that will create within yourself an ability to develop your own system, because what limited financial literacy there is and as you’re correct to point out there isn’t much of it, it doesn’t really stick with people, because it’s presented almost like a fact.

Like who remembers the capital of South Dakota? I think it’s Boysie, right? No, it’s Idaho. See, even I don’t know and I’m sitting here, I got a computer, I could look it up. The point is people don’t remember those hard fact rules, but if you give them other tools that help you become emotionally connected to the things that we do, the decisions that we make, you’re more likely to help them make better decisions in the future. That’s not how we teach when we do teach finance. It’s not what we do.

[0:17:01.4] MB: Let’s dig in concretely into some of these biases, as we call them biases, value queues and shortcuts. I want to talk about a couple specific one. To start out, in the work that you did with Dan, what were some of the most obvious traps that people fall into or biases that people fall prey to?

[0:17:19.5] JK: The one that I’ve often used to introduce what the book is about and it’s pretty obvious is this concept of relativity, which is that we often measure something based upon comparing it to something else. The easy example why this doesn’t work and this is the holiday season, is sales. You go and you go to a store and you’re more likely to buy a sweater that used to be a $100, but it’s marked down to $60, than you are to buy a sweater that’s just listed at $60.

It’s because you think there is more value, because you’re “saving $40.” It used to be a $100, and I compare it to a $100, $60 is a great deal. Whereas, just $60 on its own, there’s nothing to compare it to so you don’t know how to evaluate that. It is a simple trap and it’s a simple solution. You shouldn’t ever think about what your “not spending.” You should think about what you are spending and besides is that worth it? Now maybe it’s worth it to buy a $60 sweater, so be it. Go for it. Maybe you would’ve paid a $100, so in a way like you do feel like you’re getting value. 

Don’t just look at that number that at what it used to be. That is something that retailers and so many commercial interest do is they put a price out there and then that price is slashed, because that helps us compare the two.

One real-world example I like to give people, what’s an easier question to answer? What do you want for dinner tonight, or would you like chicken or fish for dinner? The first, it’s a whole world of possibility. The second, you have something to compare it to, do I like chicken or fish better? That’s an easy choice, or it’s an easy process to decide yes or no. Whereas, if it’s wide open, you can’t.

The same is if you’re looking at a sweater and it’s $60 and you’re trying to decide, “Is this worth it? I don’t know if it’s worth it to spend this money if I valued that highly or not.” That’s more difficult than would you like a $60 sweater, or a $100 dollar? Of course, I like the $60 sweater. That’s what that choice becomes. It doesn’t become, “Do you want a $60 sweater, or do you want to spend money on a sweater becomes you want $60 or a $100.” That’s really obvious trap that I think we all fall into frequently is getting suckered by sales, by stuff being marked off.

Another one that really has stuck with me and I think I’m seeing it more and more is something called the pain of paying. That is the concept and the idea that when we pay for something, it stimulates the same region of our brain as when we feel pain, physical pain. That’s important. Feeling pain has an evolutionary purpose. You put your hand on a stove and that burn teaches you not to touch the stove anymore.

We should learn from pain, but often what happens in the financial world is instead of healing that pain and being conscious of what we’re doing and learning not to do it, we just numb the pain. You stop feeling it. Financially, the way that the pain hits us is twofold; one is just being aware of the spending. When you pull a $20 bill out of your wallet and you hand it over to someone, you’re aware that you’re spending that $20.

When you use Apple Pay and just swipe it at something really briefly, you’re much less aware how much you’re spending. There are studies showing when people use credit cards as the classic example of less awareness of paying, they spend more, they tip more and they’re more likely to forget how much they spend.

I ask people all the time, “Do you use credit card?” “Yes.” How many people know at the end of the month exactly what their credit card bill will be? Almost nobody knows that. We forget how much we spend and just adds up. 

An amazing thing to me, a study that I found that just floored me was that a fact, they call the credit card premium, it takes place even when you don’t actually use the credit card. If you just put out paraphernalia for a credit card, like a credit card swipe machine, a little MasterCard sticker, just putting that at the place of payment makes people spend more and more likely to forget how much you’re spending.

It’s less than using the credit card, but it still impacts. We’ve become so in-tuned with that shortcut, with that value queue, that bias that it’s just a trigger to us. It’s Pavlovian. Not being aware of that pain of paying. Not feeling that pain makes us do things that maybe we wouldn’t if we just stop to think, “Is it worth it?”

Many of your listeners I imagine, are a point in their lives when they’re probably starting to save like 401Ks, like starting to save for retirement, starting to invest more. You think about funds where you invest in like an index fund and there’s a management fee. For ease of numbers, let’s say there’s a management fee of 1% and you’ve got a million dollar portfolio, in which case you should buy both of my books, not just one.

Let’s say you got a million dollar portfolio and there’s 1% management fee. What happens is that 1%, you never see that 1% leave, right? You just get your statements at the end of the year. Somewhere there is a line that says that they took their 1% off of everything. But what of instead of it just being buried in a statement, at the end of every year, you have to write your broker a check for $10,000? You’d feel that pain and you would at least stop and say, “Oh, is it worth it to pay $10,000 for what this broker is doing or not?”

We don’t feel that pain and therefore, because we’re not aware of it and therefore, we don’t have that hand on the still burning moment of saying, “Oh, should I change or not?” That’s this pain of paying are really the way that our culture has evolved to numb that pain of paying is a huge, huge thing that we fall into and it’s something that concerns me as I look at the way technology has really advanced. I mentioned Apple Pay.

Many of these FinTech developments are “make paying easier.” Yeah, it’s easier but it’s makes paying easier. It doesn’t mean it makes your choices better. It just makes it easier for that money to flow out of your pocket. That isn’t necessarily a good thing. Again, we don’t want people to become freaks and think about every spending decision and you have decided to have your coffee every day for 5 bucks. Great, just spend it.

When you’re not aware of decisions at all and it just flows out when you’ve got Amazon technology everywhere with one-click spending and you never think about what you’re doing, that’s not financially healthy. I think what ends up happening is it’s like – it’s almost like we have an obesity crisis in finance, but no one is aware that they’re obese.

We have a spending crisis, but no one is really aware they’re doing it because we don’t feel that pain of paying. The relativity and the pain of paying are two of the early ones we talked about in the book. There’s tons of them, but those are two that I always feel like everybody deals with that and gets what we’re saying when we explain it.

[0:23:50.7] MB: I think those are both great examples. The relativity bias makes me think of a joke. My father-in-law always says, which is when his wife comes home from shopping he goes, “How much did I save today?” Instead of he say this like, “How much was everything on sale?” I’m curious, is there a component of anchoring bias embedded within that bias?

[0:24:10.3] JK: Absolutely. Everything isn’t totally clean. It’s just one force impacting another. Anchoring is very much at play when it comes to sales. Anchoring is the idea that you see the first figure that you see about a product will determine what you think it’s worth. Especially when it’s something you can’t assess.

One example is where they came out with the iPhone. Steve Jobs said this iPhone is on sale for $600. When you come out with the iPhone, how did you evaluate what an iPhone is worth? You’ve had cellphones, but all of a sudden you can do all these other things, have this functionality. You can look at pictures, you can go online, you can do amazing things, but how do you evaluate what’s the worth? We said, $600. 

Then a few weeks later the price was lowered to $400. Suddenly, oh my gosh, that’s a great deal. Then the factors at play both that relativity, like it seems like a relative great deal, and the fact that we had heard $600. We think, “That’s the number associated with it.” We are drawn to. I mean, it’s called anchoring, because it’s like an anchor that you just can’t get too far from it.

When I was looking at the research here, one of the amazing things about anchoring is not just how often it comes into play, but that it is so powerful that the numbers don’t have to necessarily relate to the product you’re buying. There is a thing called arbitrary coherence. Arbitrary is the keyword here that they didn’t experiment with.

I have people write down the last two digits of their social security number completely random. Like what the numbers could do. Then they would have them bid on items that they really couldn’t assess the true value, like obscure wines or random chocolates, or new technology thing. Stuff that you didn’t know what it was worth at all.

They found that those people that had written down high two numbers like their social security ending in 89 or 94, they would bid higher on all the other products that were random, than those that had low social security numbers, like 24 or 12. It was just because they had had these high numbers primed into their head.

Now by all rights, the social security number has nothing to do with the price of a bottle of wine. But because we are creatures that seek consistency, that seek to make logic, that look for value queues, we will grasp on to whatever number, whatever anchor we can find in order to give ourselves some stability.

It’s something that you should be aware of as consumers. You walk by a store and they have a $1,000 item, a pair of sneakers for a $1,000 in the window. No one is going to buy a $1,000 sneakers. You go inside and suddenly there’s a $250 sneaker and subconsciously, you have that $1,000 crazy thing in the window that anchored you to this is a place to buy expensive sneakers and $250 doesn’t seem so bad.

Anchoring is something that works with relativity, that is everywhere. Go to buy a car and there is a car on the showroom floor that’s all suit up that’s $75,000. Suddenly spending $35, $40,000 doesn’t seem like that big a deal.

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[0:30:07.2] MB: What are the other examples that when you’re talking about fees and the pain of paying, and if you look at your brokerage statement, one of the mental models that I think is one of the most powerful around finance, money, personal finance, etc., is the power of compounding and how incredibly impactful compound interest can be over time.

One of the most interesting ways to look at fees specifically is to think about the compounded value of fees, especially percentage fees over time. That 1% that you don’t see gets compounded essentially out of what you’re doing over time. If you run the numbers, even small differences in the management fee can make a huge, huge difference over like a 20-year time horizon and what the compounded end result is.
[0:30:56.6] JK: Yeah. That’s one way that you might better think about looking at the – a fee is like a – it’s like a negative compound interest. I’m not sureif that’s quite the right term. But yeah, you lose that $10,000 and it’s not just, “Oh, is it worth $10,000?” The question is is it worth $10,000 this year? Well, next year is actually $11,000, which the following year is $12,100. Again, two component for some off the top of my head.

Yeah, is that value worth it? I mean, it’s staggering and there are people that have developed charts to show what you lose. That’s not to say the choice is, “Okay, have something with no management fees, or the lowest management fees. Because that isn’t always the best choice. It’s just be aware. What often happens is that we obsess over these sorts of details for small financial decisions, but not large ones.

We go to a supermarket and we can’t decide if we should get the organic tomatoes that are 35 cents more than the regular tomatoes. We sit there and we weigh and we think about whether or not organic is really good for us. What is our health [inaudible 0:32:01.8] and all the stuff. Then we go and we buy a house, or we remodel a home for $200,000 and someone comes and says, “Hey, for an extra $5,000 you can have something Italian. You’re going to have some marble thing.”

You’re like, “Okay, whatever. It’s just $5,000. Who cares?” All the tomato saving in the world is not going to add up to that $5,000, but oftentimes it’s the little ones we obsess about, not the big ones. We would suggest that you obsess about the big decisions and let the little ones go. That we reversed the mindset.

I remember my own personal life example is I went on a family vacation. I can’t remember. It was a long time ago, but we went to Capri, the Island of Capri. Which is a super expensive island, and I’m sure it was a real expensive vacation. It was a special trip. I don’t know exactly what it cost, because I was along for the ride as a little kid back when this happened.

Let’s say the trip cost $15,000. I don’t know if that’s what we know. Say that that’s the figure. I can remember my parents arguing with a cab driver over like $2 of a tip. Spending 20 minutes arguing about this. I didn’t think about it at the time, but in retrospect it’s like, “We just rode off. Hey, let’s spend 10 grand, but we’re going waste our time arguing over $2.” I think there are deeper psychological reasons and I don’t want to get too much on the couch here and talk about my mother and my feelings towards my family. From a perspective of rationality and money and what’s the standard of scientifically-backed approach that wasn’t the wisest choice at which battle to pick.

[0:33:35.6] MB: For someone listening, how can they pick the bigger battles when they’re facing that decision?

[0:33:42.8] JK: I think it’s up to them to decide whether the less frequent to special spending times, and by special I mean you can just categorize it as large. Buying a house, buying a car, starting a new job and signing up for your benefits and your 401K withdrawals. Think about those things that really have a significant amount of money involved with it, because those are the ones, it’s almost like the compound interest deal. Those are the ones where the little decisions will mean a lot.

Don’t worry about that other stuff. Now that’s not to say you should never think, “Should I spend $5 on a latte?” Our advice would be, they’re spending that is infrequent and small. You go to buy a pack of gum once in a while. Don’t worry. Don’t jest about that.

Then they’re spending that is relatively small, but it’s frequent. That’s a habit. You decide to spend $5 on a coffee, or you just decide every night I’m going out to my favorite restaurant and bar and I’m spending a $150. Don’t think about that every time, but once in a while, once every  year, once every six months, look back at all that spending and decide whether or not it’s worth it and how you might adjust that habit. Then it becomes a habit again, but do consider it once in a while.

Then there is the big spending things. For those, because you have so much of impact, because the result of that choice can impact your ability to do all those other smaller choices and  have the money to have a $100 dinner every week, it’s worth taking some time and thinking about what are the real forces at play here and what really matters to me and ultimately, what are the opportunity cost as your listeners move forward in their lives and get to a point where I am, like I have two young kids and we have a nice house. It’s a small house and it’s like, “Oh, we could spend more to get a bigger house. But does that mean that we can’t take some cool real experience vacations that might enhance our lives more than just having more room?”

It’s a difficult choice, but it’s something to think about and it’s a way. Oftentimes, with that example people are just like, “Oh, I got to get the bigger house.” They don’t think about what they’re giving up. Our advice would be at those moments, that’s when you do think about it. Don’t worry about what you’re giving up when you’re buying that $1.50 piece of gum, but do one it’s a $150,000 more of a house or so.

[0:35:57.2] MB: I think this also comes out of being in the financial world, but it’s definitely not a perfect model, but the yardstick that I typically use to think about the opportunity cost of spending, and again more for big picture spending items, like you’re talking about. It’s to think about sort of, I just one alternative and that’s basically if I were to invest this at a – let’s say between a 6% and 8% compounded annual return for 20 years, what’s a better use of these funds? Just spend it on this, or is it just to invest it?

That’s definitely not a perfect proxy, but it’s a good enough proxy in many ways to just think about, “Okay, what’s a better use of this capital? Is it to spend it on a new sofa and renovating the kitchen? Or is it to spend it on investing this money, so that I can have savings and build some wealth over time?”

[0:36:45.7] JK: Right. It’s great that you’re able to think about that, because that’s a difficult way. It’s challenging for us to think about the future like that. We have a chapter on the book all about self-control and that itself could be a whole book. The real challenge of self-control particularly when it comes to savings and investing for retirement and while we have such retirement prices is that people have a hard time thinking about the future selves.

Even though it’s me when I’m 65, 75, I’m not connected to that emotionally as much as I am to me right now. To think about my needs later, it’s really hard to connect and to feel obliged. We always think of ourselves as being better in the future. I may not save now, but in a couple of years I’ll start saving. You keep making those promises to yourself.

Or you think everything will be fine. “I’ll be fine by the time I’m 70.” You don’t think about all the things you need and part of that is because we’re not emotionally connected, and when it comes to saving it’s also because it’s so hard to figure out. In retirement, you have to forget how long are you going to work? How much money will you have saved? How long are you going to live after you stop working? What’s your cost of living going to be? What are your health issues going to be? What are your kids going to be doing? All these things that are just totally unpredictable.

In some ways it’s easier to not think about all that hard stuff. At the end of the day, a lot of what we humans want to do is we want to go the path of least resistance. We want the easy solution, the quick solution. That’s understandable. That’s human nature. We don’t suggest you try to change human nature. You just are aware of it and every now and then you choose the hard path.

Also ever now and then, you create systems to let the easy path happen. Places that have speaking of retirement that have made it so that you start a job and the default option is that you are putting aside money for retirement, as opposed to you have to select that. You have to opt out instead of opting in, because you’re automatically in. That the savings right is skyrocket. I mean, it’s tremendously different, just because the easy way is just to let the default ride.

When that default is savings, people do it more. You can apply that to so many things. I mention having two different account, like you can go one time to your HR department and say, “You know what? Put $200 of every check combined into this separate account.” You put it in an account and it’s there and you never have to think about it again. You can set up default systems, so that you don’t have to think about it every time. That’s what we would advise you to try to do as much as possible when you recognize your own financial failing.

[0:39:16.6] MB: Let’s dig a little bit deeper into self-control since we started talking about that. What were some of the lessons that you saw from the work that you did around the book?

[0:39:24.9] JK: That self-control is really hard. That we looked at different situations and it ultimately is about emotion. I’ll take a mini-detour to say that when it comes to the world of finance and particularly, let’s be honest comes to men, I’m thinking about world of finance. We don’t think emotion plays in. We think it’s just a number game.

Really emotion does play in it. Emotions are things like being connected to the desire of now to falling for the temptation of now. To falling for like I want this motorcycle, I want this sound system, I want these things that I can feel now as opposed to that stuff that’s way in the distant future that you’re not emotionally connected to.

I mean, an easy study, or example is studies that show that  in a state of arousal, people will do totally irrational, unethical, immoral things, because they are emotionally compromised. One lesson, or one sort of practical piece of advice is to try to insulate ourselves from those challenging emotions, to insulate ourselves from the difficulty of self-control.

There are thing that we call Ulysses Contact. Called Ulysses Contract, because in the story of Ulysses, he wanted to hear the sound of the sirens, but he knew that you go by the sirens and all these ships crash against the rock, because they were so tempting. He had himself tied to the mast and he had his crew put stuff in their ears so they couldn’t hear the sirens and he told them, “No matter what I say, don’t let me tell you to go sail closer to the sound.”

That worked. They got past the sirens. He heard the songs and it was great and not on Spotify. He didn’t crash. You can setup systems for yourself to do the same thing and make it so that you can’t take it out, that you can’t misspend your money, that you can’t fall victim to your feelings of self-control.

In some ways, that tax penalty that comes when you setup an IRA and you are penalized, I think it’s like 10,000 or maybe it’s a percentage. I’m not sure. You’re penalized if you take early withdrawal. That’s an essence, a Ulysses contract and you’re getting punished for not sticking with the promise you’ve made to yourself.

Being aware of that, being aware that you may have to lock yourself into the good behavior can be a way to overcome self-control. There are other tricks, something we call reward substation, which is if you’re having trouble doing something because it doesn’t feel good, that you find an alternative, a way to reward yourself in a way that does feel good.

Obviously, you don’t want to undermine the benefits, like if you’re having trouble exercising, don’t reward yourself with a milkshake. That’s silly, but if you’re having trouble exercising, reward yourself with an hour of Netflix, or reward yourself with something else that provides you pleasure, so that pushing through that difficult thing that you don’t want to do becomes about achieving a goal that you want, not about achieving whatever the goal is of exercise, of losing weight, of better health and all that if you don’t connect to it.

[0:42:18.9] MB: In many ways, you know that makes me think of essentially using decision architecture to create self-control for yourself similar to everything about weight loss or something like that. Taking all these snacks out of your house, so that there’s nothing to snack on. Or putting your gym clothes next to the bed ready to go, so that you are – make it easier for yourself to go to the gym the next morning.

[0:42:41.0] JK: It’s exactly that. It’s recognizing and being comfortable admitting that we have human failings, that we’re not like perfect machines and saying, “Okay, I’m not a perfect dude that’s just going to get up and work out and never eat candy. I have to make it hard for myself.” Studies regarding like people trying to have better diabetic outcome. That literally show putting a bowl of healthy snacks, celery, carrots, grapes, whatever it is, put in a bowl of healthy snacks in the front of the fridge, or on the counter has tremendous impact versus, like having it be that candy.

You walk through a lot of offices. They have administrative cubicles in the middle and people have little candy. It’s great. You go and you grab some candy and you chat with that person and it’s a great relationship. Because it’s so easy, you just grab it. If you do hide the bad snacks and we’re not saying don’t ever have a snack, you’ll be a miserable person if you never eat a piece of chocolate. If you hide them, you’re less likely to eat them. That’s admitting that it’s a challenge.

I don’t have the data on this. I haven’t seen it, but I know that guys, especially guys who consider themselves high achievers, they don’t want to admit their failings. That is actually the best thing you can do and in some ways, the strength – it’s a sign of a really strong person is recognizing those areas that you’re not also met and seeking to improve them. That’s what we can do when we see what our failings are, whether it’s we eat too much snacks, or we don’t save enough money, or we buy too many thousand dollar shoes.

[0:44:11.9] MB: I mean, that is probably the single most recurrent theme on the podcast, the idea that self-awareness is really the cornerstone of improvement, making better decisions and understanding what needs to be done to get where you want to get and whether it’s saving money, whether it’s your own personal health, whether it’s achieving your goals, you have to start with a really honest assessment of who you are, where you skills are today and once you are capable of doing that, you can really move past any obstacles.

If you get trapped – caught in the trapped of self-sabotage, it becomes really, really hard to – and lack of self-awareness becomes really hard to ever move beyond the same thing that keeps stopping you over and over again.

[0:44:54.8] JK: Absolutely. I will say I’ve been speaking more to groups that are involved in the investment community, like fund managers and people in New York and London, who are super high-achieving alpha dog guys, largely men who – top of the finance game. A world where you think is very just need jerk reaction opposed to things that sounds what I call woo-woo, soft science like self-awareness and mindset.

I have been really pleasantly surprised by how receptive they become. I don’t have the data to say they weren’t receptive 15 years ago, but I feel like that they probably weren’t. I mean, that’s not hard science. Regardless, I’ve been happy to see how they have embraced that, even these highest achievers in a field that you think are very closed off to emotions playing a role. They’re very open to it.

I tell people, like if these super alpha dogs get it, the rest of us can certainly get it. You see in sports too, like Tom Brady is an alpha dog, but he is very like, “It’s about your mind-body set. It’s about  your health, mental health, your physical health, and having all those pieces together.” I’m really pleased that that’s extending to all different practices in all different fields.

[0:46:13.4] MB: One other bias that you wrote about that I want to touch on is fairness and effort. Tell me a little bit about how we sometimes think erroneously about that.

[0:46:22.5] JK: Sure, as I said before what happens is it’s hard to assess the value of something in the financial realm and other realms is what’s it worth to pay. We go for these shortcuts. One shortcut that we take is we assess the effort it took to produce something. People are more willing to pay for a locksmith that fumbles around and breaks them stuff and have to run back to his shop 10 times, it takes an hour to open your door.

Then locksmith who comes and opens it in a minute, not because it looks like it was a lot more effort, that it was a lot more fair to pay for all that work. When really what should matter is what’s the value to you of getting into your house? It shouldn’t matter how long it take. In fact, that first – the second person who spend just one minute is more valuable, because in the other hand that other locksmith you’re paying for his incompetence.

We don’t know how to asses value. What’s the value of getting into your home? What is that worth financially? Unless, you’re working hourly and the tab is running, or the meter is running in your house, there’s no way to know what that’s worth. We fall for effort.

It’s something that happens to us outside of the locksmith. People will pay more for data recovery if a technician takes a week to fix and save your computer data than if they take an hour. Consultants. Large firms hire like a McKenzie or an outside consultant. They show up with a 600-slide PowerPoint presentation explaining everything they’ve done. The food was served on the flight out to Columbus that week to study with you. All you care about is the final slide and the final recommendation, but they had this long thing, because it shows how hard they worked and then they throw you a check for 250 grand for your company and you sign off on it, because it’s hard to assess the value of what they’ve done. You look at the effort of whether or not it’s fair.

It’s a real challenge, because people can take advantage of that. You might say, McKenzie takes advantage of the fact that we don’t know how to assess their value. There are times and that’s good and times when that’s a challenge. There is a story, I think it’s just a fable, but it’s illustrative that a woman saw Pablo Picasso in a park and walked up to Pablo Picasso and said, “Will you paint my portrait?” He said, “Sure.” He looked at her for a minute, then with a single brush stroke, he painted a perfect image of her and gave it to her and she said, “Oh, my God. This is beautiful. You captured everything about me. I don’t know how you possibly did this. How much do I owe you?”

He said, “$5,000.” She said, “What? That’s totally unfair. It took you no effort. It only took you a minute.” He said, “No, it took me a lifetime plus a minute.” She judging just on that effort couldn’t assess the value of his whole lifetime of knowledge. It’s those knowledge economy, the people that are professional writers, but they only take an hour to do something. She is paying for that hour, you’re not really paying them what the value is. We oftentimes will underestimate value, at the same time will overestimate, because we see the effort.

Restaurants are great at playing into this. You get a menu item at a fancy restaurant and it describes everything about the food, like where the spinach was grown, the meat, what the name of the cow was and how often it was petted by aboriginal kids, all these things and how far it traveled across the land and how many people lost its fee bringing this piece of meat to you. It’s really just a cheeseburger, and you’ll pay $35 for it, because it seems like it was worth the effort. A reliance on what we can see is a challenge.

It’s been interesting to me to see how companies become more aware of that, not just to be that manipulative person, but also to proactively – I mean, the City of Boston had a real problem, because there are tons of potholes in the winter. Let’s say there are a 10,000 potholes around the City of Boston. If you live in Boston, you open your door, you see three potholes on your street, you call the city, you never see them fix it. You’re going to think they’re doing nothing.

The City of Boston, they created basically a website that show the 10,000 potholes and also showed which ones they fixed that da. If you went there and saw, “Oh, they fixed 25 potholes today. It wasn’t the one on my street, but they’re clearly working.” Suddenly, you see their effort. Suddenly you appreciate the value of took enough steps, like your tax dollars and your government and all that. The point is they are showing me effort.

Oftentimes, companies that are being undervalued, or people that are being undervalued could show their effort more. The trick is of course when to know as a consumer are they showing a real effort that we should value, or are they showing effort in a fake attempt to inflate their worth?

[0:50:49.5] MB: I love that Picasso story, and it’s funny. I was actually going to give that example, but you beat me to it. It’s one of my favorite stories and I commonly share that with people. I’m curious, we talked a little bit about this and as we’re wrapping up, what are some practical pieces of advice, or maybe a piece of homework to give to somebody listening to this, that they could start with as a beginning step towards understanding their own biases and how that impacts their thinking specifically within the realm of money?

[0:51:19.8] JK: Well, there are a ton of things you can do. Before giving a piece of advice, it applies to everyone. The suggestion would be to look at which bias, or which value queue really resonates with something you do, and then sort of address that. One common thing you can do is if you are – the pain of paying I mentioned is something that’s very common and that a lot of people suffer with is start paying cash a little bit more.

It’s a challenge in our economy to try to be all cash. Many places don’t even take it anymore, but start paying cash a little more frequently and see if you make different choices. Similarly, you could look at your monthly credit card bill, or even get a buddy, a spending buddy and I don’t suggest you use a spell, so if a neighbor listeners are married, but get a spending buddy and go through your monthly credit card and just explain every item on there and justify it and say what it was.

Then you’ll find just having gone through that process when you start spending again and you have your next credit card bill, you either do it again with a spending buddy, or just be aware of that. You’ll be more conscious of what each item is that you spent. Talked about the idea of having a different account for discretionary spending and you can do that. If you have the ability, you can try using a prepaid debit cards for weekly spending.

If you really are spending too much money on a week-to-week basis, like you go out and you spend a lot, set up as give yourself a prepaid debit card of however much money you think you can spend each week and give it to yourself on Monday. Don’t give it on Friday, because Friday you’ll go out on the weekend and spend it all. Give it to yourself on Monday and that’s all you can spend.

Stuff like this is pretty restrictive and I wouldn’t suggest going through your life like this, but you do it two or three or five times and you start to recognize your own patterns and you start to get into better habits. Then you can go back to stuff that’s maybe a little less cumbersome. To whatever extent possible, don’t have things on autopay. Don’t just use the latest technology, because it’s easier to pay. Amazon developed a store recently where you just walk in, you never go to a checkout counter, you walk in, you put stuff in your bag and a little chip reader, scanner somehow connects your credit card and pays. You walk in, you walk out.

That’s so much “easier” to shop. That’s not good for your spending. Don’t leap to the first new technology thinking it’s great, without thinking about what it really does. Ultimately, the thing is just to stop and think every now I then, I mentioned the different type of spending, the small spending, the habit spending and the big spending. Every now and then just stop and think about those habits, stop and think about the big spending, and just take a beat and think about opportunity cost, think about what else you could do. You’ll find that that adjust your mind and adjust your mindset and adjust the way that you value money in the future.

[0:54:07.9] MB: Jeff, where can listeners find you and your books online?

[0:54:12.0] JK: JeffKreisler, K-R-E-I-S-L-E-R.com. My Twitter is JeffKreisler. I also have a behavioral science Twitter JeffKreislerbs and the [inaudible 0:54:21.8] to there. Starting in 2018, I’ll be the editor of a new website called peoplescience.com, which is all applied behavioral science. Certainly just going to jeffkreisler and following down that rabbit hole.

Plus I speak for groups all over the nation, colleges and companies. I’m often near you wherever you are. Folks coming out around the world, so I’m hoping to get abroad on 2018. Jeff Kreisler is a good start. Yeah, that’s it.

[0:54:51.5] MB: Well, Jeff thank you so much for coming on the show sharing all of the wisdom that you have about personal finance, biases and how we often missthink money.

[0:54:59.8] JK: Thanks so much for having me. It’s a great podcast. I hope you have the greatest success.

[0:55:04.2] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you our listeners master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story, or just say hi, shoot me an e-mail. My e-mail is matt@successpodcast.com. That’s M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener e-mail.

I'm going to give you three reasons why you should sign up for our email list today by going to successpodcast.com, signing up right on the homepage. There are some incredible stuff that’s only available to those on the email list, so be sure to sign up, including an exclusive curated weekly email from us called Mindset Monday, which is short, simple, filled with articles, stories, things that we found interesting and fascinating in the world of evidence-based growth in the last week. 

Next, you're going to get an exclusive chance to shape the show, including voting on guests, submitting your own personal questions that we’ll ask guests on air and much more. Lastly, you’re going to get a free guide we created based on listener demand, our most popular guide, which is called how to organize and remember everything. You can get it completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide by signing up and joining the email list today. Again, you can do that at successpodcast.com, sign up right at the homepage, or if you're on the go, just text the word “smarter”, S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44222. 

Remember, the greatest compliment you can give us is a referral to a friend either live or online. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us an awesome review and subscribe on iTunes because that helps boost the algorithm, that helps us move up the iTunes rankings and helps more people discover the Science of Success. 

Don't forget, if you want to get all the incredible information we talked about in the show, links transcripts, everything we discussed and much more, be sure to check out our show notes. You can get those at successpodcast.com, just hit the show notes button right at the top. 

Thanks again, and we'll see you on the next episode of the Science of Success.


February 08, 2018 /Lace Gilger
Money & Finance
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The Evidence Based Habits You Need To Build an Unstoppable Brain with Dr. Mike Dow

February 01, 2018 by Lace Gilger in High Performance, Health & Wellness

In this episode we discuss how to build a rockstar brain. We get into the neurochemical compositions that create moods from happiness to depression and look at you can change the building blocks of the neurochemicals by changing your diet and your habits. In a world were people are more stressed than ever, sleeping less, and trying to do more - we look at the causes of “brain drain” and what we can do to have physically happier and more productive brains with Dr. Michael Dow. 

Dr. Michael Dow is a psychotherapist, neurotherapist, and a New York Times Bestselling author. He has been the host of several television series examining relationships, brain health, addiction, and mental illness. Dr. Mike is frequently a guest cohost on The Doctors and his work has been featured in Today, Good Morning America, Nightline, and more.

  • Your brain is being drained every day by stress, life, etc

  • The 3 subtypes of brain drain

  • Adrenaline

    1. Norepinephrine

    2. Cortisol

  • What happens, neurologically, when you suffer from “brain drain” or brain fog

  • What are we doing in our daily lives to cause brain drain?

  • The brain balancing neurochemicals that are the antidotes to stress hormones

  • Through everyday lifestyle changes you can transform your neurochemicals

  • EPA and DHA Omega 3 Acids - and why they are important co-factors in building a healthy brain

  • People are feeling more stressed than ever, working more, sleeping less

  • How are we causing “brain drain” with our daily habits and activities?

  • The 24 hour relationship between cortisol and melatonin

  • Throughout the day, your melatonin level rises and your cortisol level decreases

  • What we do every single day has a far more profound effect on our neurochemicals than we even realize

  • Lifestyle interventions you can implement to rebalance and change your neurochemicals

  • Stay away from foods that boost your glycemic index

  • Sugar and flour drain and shrink the hippocampus - which is the main site of neurogenesis

  • Eat more spinach, quiona, bannanas

  • How do we cultivate GABA?

  • Glutamine from spinach

    1. Vitamin B6 in bannanas, magnesium and zinc

  • Eat seven servings of whole fruits and vegetables every day

  • “Probiotics are the new prozac”

  • Are vitamins and supplements are useful tool or should we get all our nutrients from whole foods?

  • The importance of getting Omega-3 fatty acids (EPA and DHA)

  • EPA = Feel Better Omega 3 (stress less Omega 3)

    1. DHA = Sleep soundly Omega 3 (promotes restful sleep)

    2. EPA and DHA compete for space in your cells

  • Vegan and vegetarian options for Omega 3 fatty acids (ALA)

  • Omega 3s are one of the best foods you can eat for your brain - they are the building blocks of yo

  • You can build a “rockstar brain” with a modified mediterranean diet

  • Lean protein

    1. Nuts

    2. Olive Oil

    3. Fish

    4. Lots of fruits and vegetables

  • How soybean oil & Omega 6 fats cause brain inflammation

  • The modified mediterranean diet has been shown via research to combat major depressive disorder

  • "You are what you eat, ate"

  • Common sources of omega 6 fats - soybean oil and factory farmed meat products - most intense source of omega 6 fats which cause brain inflammation

  • Strategies for shifting the brain from the sympathetic to the parasympathetic

  • Progressive muscle relaxation

    1. Autogenic training

    2. Self hypnosis

    3. Mindfulness meditation

    4. Mantra based meditation

  • Fit people release 40% less cortisol than those who are out of shape

  • The right exercise at the right time is essential to balancing your neurochemicals, for example Interval training is great long term for weight loss, but spikes cortisol levels in the short term

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SHOW NOTES, LINKS, & RESEARCH

  • [Book] Heal Your Drained Brain: Naturally Relieve Anxiety, Combat Insomnia, and Balance Your Brain in Just 14 Days by Dr. Mike Dow

  • [Book] The Brain Fog Fix: Reclaim Your Focus, Memory, and Joy in Just 3 Weeks by Dr. Mike Dow

  • [Personal Site] Dr. Mike Dow

  • [Twitter] Dr. Mike Dow

Episode Transcript

[00:00:06.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:11.9] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success, the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the Internet with more than a million downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries. In this episode, we discuss how to build a rockstar brain. We get into the neurochemical compositions that create moods from happiness to depression and look at how you can change the building blocks of the neurochemicals by changing your diet and your habits. 

In a world where people are more stressed than ever, sleeping less and trying to do more, we look at the causes of brain drain and what we can do to have physically happier and more productive brains, with Dr. Michael Dow. 

I’m going to give you three reasons why you should join our email list today by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the homepage. There some amazing stuff that’s only available to our email subscriber, so be sure you sign up. First, you’re going to get access to awesome free guide that we create based on listener demand, including our most popular guide; How to Organize and Remember Everything. You can get it completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide when you sign up and join the email list today. 

Next, you’re going to get a curated weekly email from us every single week called Mindset Monday. Send it out on Mondays, by the way. It’s short, simple, links, articles and stories that we found interesting, exciting and motivating in the last week. Next, you’re going to get a chance to shape the show. You’re going to get to vote on guests, vote on things like changing our intro music and even submit your own personal questions to our guests, which we will mix in and ask in our interviews. So be sure you sign up, get on the email list. Only people on the email list have access to these and other amazing content that I haven't even told you about. 

You can go to success podcast.com and sign up right on the homepage or if you’re driving around, if you’re on the go, if you’re on your phone, just text the word “smarter”, that’s S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44222. 

in our previous episode, We explored luck. Does luck exist? Is there a science behind luck? What does the research reveal about lucky people and unlucky people? Is it possible to manufacture your own luck?

We spoke with the research psychologist, Dr. Richard Wiseman, and learned the truth about luck and how you just might be able to create a little bit more in your own life. If you want to be luckier, listen to that episode. 

Now, for the show today. 

[0:02:31.3] MB: Today, we have another exciting guest on the show, Dr. Mike Dow. Mike is a psychotherapist, neurotherapist and New York Times best-selling author. He's been a host of several television series examining relationships, brain health, addiction and mental illness. He's frequently a guest or a cohost on The Doctors and his work has been features in Today, Good Morning America, Nightline and much more. 

Mike, welcome to the Science of Success. 

[0:02:54.0] MD: Thanks for having me. I appreciate it. 

[0:02:56.1] MB: We’re very excited to have you here. So I’d love to start out with when — And I think this is a more common phenomenon, more and more common phenomenon. When we feel kind of cloudy or we don't feel like ourselves, we feel like kind of sluggish, what is that and what’s going on? Is that just a natural part of aging? Is that a natural part of life or is there something deeper there?

[0:03:15.1] MD: To some degree, 1% of it is a natural part of aging. Our brains tend to shrink a little bit as we age, but most, 99% of it, I would say no. What's really going on is our brains are becoming drained. Of course, the title of my book is Heal Your Drained Brain, and I was inspired to write this book, because I was looking at the statistics and I was looking a brain scans, I was looking at what I was countering in my clinic, in my private practice. Just to be honest, a lot of my fellow authors, my colleagues, my friends, what they were experiencing in everyday life and how hard it is to be a high achieving human being these days if you want it all. 

So if you've ever seen like a madman, you look at these old days when you could kind of go to work and you had somebody taken care of your calls and you sat a quiet desk and you focused and then you came home and work rarely bothered you. Those days are over, but I guess the question remains; what is happening? What is all that chronic stress do to your brain, especially if you are somebody who is trying to juggle your romantic life, your personal life, your friends, your families, your career where our brains are becoming drained. 

I'm sure we can jump in to some of the neuroscience and the neurochemicals involved, but that feeling is what I call brain drain, and if you look at the stats, more and more Americans and, by the way, people around the world are now experiencing this condition of brain drain and chances are — It was funny, I just got back from New York and Rachael Ray and I were talking about this and she said she started up the segment by saying, “I don't know what a drained brain is, but I think I have it,” and if you're like her, you probably are in her shoes. If you have this drained brain, you're going to feel it. You're not can have the energy. You're not going to have the resiliency that you need to get through everything you need to do in your daily life. 

[0:05:14.1] MB: Tell me a little bit more about that, kind of what's going on at sort of a neurological level, neurochemical level when we’re experiencing this brain drain.

[0:05:22.1] MD: Yeah, a couple of things. So neurochemicaly, if you have a drained brain — I've created these names for the subtypes of drained brain. There are three stress hormones that I call your three brain drainers. They are adrenaline, norepinephrine and cortisol. So in a healthy brain you encounter a stress. So let's say you're creating a new app and maybe you're in a new relationship and you got those texts flowing in, rapid fire on your phone and that stress. Every time you get that new text of, “Hey! We have a new deadline approaching.” 

In a healthy balance brain, you have two waves. The primary wave is adrenaline and norepinephrine secreted from your adrenal glands, and then you have this secondary wave of cortisol. Ideally, of course, it’s a little bit easier in the book because you have — I have these nice X-Y graphs, but if you could kind of just visualize two waves. 
Imagine the ocean, you have the primary wave, that's adrenaline and norepinephrine, and then you have that second wave, and that's cortisol. Now what happens in drained brains is a couple of different things can happen. So in what I call the sort of the garden-variety, sort of light drain, all three stress hormones go a little bit too high. In what I call skyrocket drain what happens is they sort of — As the name implies, they skyrocket and then you have panic attacks, you have like feelings of absolute dread. The anxiety becomes almost paralyzing in that case. 

Then you have what I call drop drain. So we've seen in research that some people when you have that stressor, you have that initial response. So if you look at those two waves, you will see the waves of these stress hormones going up, but then it's like imagine two waves hitting a brick wall just as they're cresting. Instead of being able to rise and gently fall, they sort of rise and then they drop. 

Now, while generally speaking, we want to decrease the brain drainers. We also want this normal healthy response, because remember that stress hormones are designed to help you charge through that presentation, get through all the stressors, because a little bit of these brain drainers can be helpful. Then you have this fourth subtype of a drained brain, which is what I call X-treme drain, and I spell X-treme, X-treme, because if you look in an X-Y graph, it really does form an X, meaning the adrenaline and norepinephrine are going up, but cortisol sort of paradoxically stays low. 

So if you stress yourself out for too long and that is left untreated, or we also saw this and scientists and researchers were actually surprised, if you’re a vet, if you are somebody who’s been through a trauma, if you're the survivor of abuse, people who are diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder, and if you’re left untreated and you don't take some of my advice in the book, then you're going to have this extreme drain. So you're going to have low levels of cortisol that sort of remain too low and adrenaline and norepinephrine run too high, which creates the state that sort of this you're going to feel wired but also tired.

Cortisol actually helps to wake us up in the morning. In the wee hours, our cortisol starts to rise and that sort of helps to wake us up. So in these brains, the cortisol just stays too low and the other brain drainers are high. So it sort of forms this X, right? So that's sort of — In terms of the neurochemicals, those three brains drainers are at play, and then what I call the brain balancers, which sort of are the antidotes to these stress hormones, so that acetylcholine, GABA, serotonin, melatonin, endorphins, all of these feel-good hormones and neurotransmitters, they're basically running too low. What’s incredible is that through everyday lifestyle change, this is how you exercise, this is how you eat, you could make more of the brain balancers, you can make more GABA, more serotonin naturally, and of course later the show I’d love to tell you how, and then you can also manage the stress hormone spikes, which is really incredible, because we want to sort of regulate the brain drainers, and this is important overall. 

I'm talking about the chemicals now, but now, if we just shift to brain structure, what happens is in drained brains, you are literally shrinking your brain. Unresolved chronic stress we know shrinks the prefrontal cortex. That's a part of the brain that separates you from animals. It is the part of the brain that makes you a human being. It is the most advanced part of the brain. It helps you to put the brakes on urges. It's been said that if a soul, if you're soul lived in a part of the brain, it would be in the prefrontal cortex, right? So that part of the brain shrinks if you don't do anything about this drained brain. Also, if you are eating the wrong foods, we know that, for example, spiking your blood sugar too often shrinks another part of the brain, and hippocampus, and then some solutions, some of the foods in my 14-day program are really designed to help prevent sort of this shrunken drained brain by restoring the brain balancers, making sure your brain doesn't shrink. 

Our brains do, again, shrink a little bit as we age, but if you're getting the omega-3 super foods, especially the EPA, the DHA that's found in seafood. I can talk a little bit about vegan sources of omega-3's if you'd like and getting these B vitamins, especially B12 and B6, all of these vitamins and minerals that act as cofactors that help your brain and body to naturally manufacture the feel-good neurotransmitters that you need to balance this brain drain. 

[0:11:20.3] MB: I want to dig into the strategies we can implement and lifestyle interventions to create kind of a happier, healthier brain. But before we do, I want to look a little bit more at sort of what kind of the inverse side of that coin, which is what are people doing that's causing so much brain drain and kind of brain fog today? 

[0:11:40.2] MD: Yeah. That's a great question. So some of it is — I've a chapter in this book, in Heal You Drained Brain called wired for worry. There is some genetic loading, of course, and then people who are — If you have this family history of any sort of anxiety disorder, you're more likely to think in ways. For example, if you're anxious maybe you get caught in what I call paralysis analysis, which is another way of saying rumination or stewing in anxious thoughts. That drains your brain. It can be a little bit of genetics. It can be what you went through if you're the survivor of trauma, if you didn't have the kind of healthy parenting that you wish you had, but it can also be the result of our everyday lives. 

Even if you don't have a family history, even if you had great parents, it seems like everything in the modern world, Matt, is set up to drain us. So if you look at the stats, the American Psychological Association has been doing this landmark study for over a decade now, and 2017, last year, was the highest reported average stress level Americans had ever reported. So we really are more stressed out than ever. We sleep an hour less than we did a generation ago. We’re working more. This is especially true for Americans compared to other countries. We just — We work all the time. Our commutes have gotten longer as — it's great that our economy is doing so well, but that is also forced people to live further away from their jobs and further away from city centers. So our commutes have actually got longer, and then we’re on the rapid fire text, email, Instagram. It's almost as if the very technology — I always make a joke that it's funny isn't it that social media tends to make some people antisocial, because they're so glued to their social media accounts that they don't have any real friends. Remember that these technologies were invented to supplement or to help us in our lives not take the place of them. 

I think the danger for so many people these days is we are using our phones, our social media accounts as replacements for things like five minutes in nature, a walk with our dog, a sit down dinner without a phone for like 30 minutes. Our phones are great. I love social media. I love texting my friends. I love texting my mom. I don't like long phone calls. I'm not that kind of person. Thank goodness for texts. It’s how I stay in communication with the world mostly, but we have to also remember that dividing our attention — We know that in brain scans, what's happening. If you think you're multitasking, you're kidding yourself, because in brain scans, what you are doing is you are rapidly switching tasks. So what you're doing is you are rapidly single tasking so that it feels like you're multitasking, but in reality you're probably not. 

If you're multitasking between two things that are simple, that's fine, but what happens is as the complexity of the tasks will grow, you start to lose efficiency by switching from task to task in your brain. Even if it feels like you're doing two things at once, you're actually switching really quickly. And then your brain starts to slow down, and then if you are what researchers deem as a heavy media multiuser, so if you're sitting watching Netflix while you're completing a spreadsheet and then you have your phone in your lap and your checking on your Instagram account and you do that 24 hours a day, you lose the ability to filter out irrelevant stimuli. That means when you're at a meeting and you're at a job interview or you’re trying to land a client and somebody is talking to you, you're going to lose your train of thought. They're going to say something and you're going to say, “What? What did you just say?” and that's not going to look good, right?

So it's important to be — It's great — I'm guilty of it to. I love sometimes at the end of a long day sitting with my laptop in my lap and sort of perusing emails as I have something mindless on TV, but we should also know that we can't do that all the time, because it really is fogging our brain. It drains our brain. It increases our level of stress hormones. 

The subtitle of my book talks about how my program not only relieves anxiety and stress, but also insomnia. I also want to talk about the 24-hour relationship between cortisol and melatonin. So I think I mentioned before that cortisol spikes in the morning to help wake you up as melatonin dips, and then throughout the course of a day, your cortisol level should go down as melatonin rises. 

Think about that. At night when you go to bed, your cortisol levels should be at the lowest point they’ve been all day. One of those brain drainers, that stress hormone cortisol, and your melatonin levels should be at their highest, but if you are sitting at 11 PM in bed checking emails from your phone, number one, the stressful email from your boss is going to shoot up your cortisol levels when your cortisol levels should be going down, and then the blue light from all electronics screens — And by the way, if you have one of the newer iPhones, you should use the night filter, because it is the most [inaudible 0:16:46.7] production, but is not perfect. So it's still going to suppress a little bit of melatonin production. Television, phones, it's really taking the melatonin production in your brain. It's suppressing it at the very time when you want melatonin high and cortisol low. Basically everything we’re doing is in some way draining our brain and there's just so much we can do to naturally reverse that process. 

[0:17:09.2] MB: It's fascinating, and I love hearing kind of the sort of interplay between all these different neurochemicals, and something we talk a lot about on the show and I spent a lot of time thinking about, especially kind of how to cultivate things like GABA, serotonin and even dopamine. Is this kind of a good point to segue into and look at some of the positive interventions and ways that we can make lifestyle changes that can actually start to rebalance the neurochemicals within our brains?

[0:17:35.8] MD: Yeah, absolutely. I think it's really important for people to realize that what we do every single day has a far more profound effect on our neurochemicals on the state of our brain than we think. I want to give you an example. We mentioned serotonin. Serotonin is really our main feel-good downer. Dopamine is really our main feel-good upper, and then it I would say that GABA is also sort of a — Serotonin and GABA sort of are a little bit different, but they're both sort of feel-good downers. If you take a Xanax or releasing a lot of GABA, serotonin — People like the street drug molly, because that releases a lot of serotonin. It tends to make people very feel really good, but very calm, versus dopamine. 

So let's look at, for example, serotonin. First of all, we want to shift away from foods that spike our blood sugar, foods with a high glycemic index or glycemic load. All of those foods that you already know are bad for you, but they're probably worse for you than you think when it comes to your brain. We now know from recent research that your brain will shrink, that spiking your blood sugar with anything that contains sugar or flour, that is going to drain and shrink the hippocampus in your brain. That's a really important part of the brain that you don't want to shrink. It’s the main source, the main site of neurogenesis or the birth of new brain cells and connections, and sugar is basically undoing that and it's shrinking that part of your brain. 

We want your brain to get bigger and better. If you want to have it all in this world, if you want to have a life where you can have a healthy relationship, a rockstar career, you really do want a big beautiful brains to manage all of that stress and juggle all of those things. Let's say you're going to have a rich diet and you're going to eat — A lot of people, when they think of amino acids, they think of muscle growth in bodybuilder, and that's one of the — A variety of fruits, vegetables, and amino acids, but the other reason is for these brain chemicals. 

For example, tryptophan, which is an amino acid that’s found in, for example, quinoa. So if you’re shifting from pasta or pizza and the sugar and flour that's going to shrink your brain to healthy quinoa, you're also going to get this amino acid. Now, your body and your brain converts tryptophan into 5-HTP, which is then converted into serotonin, which is then later converted from serotonin into melatonin, but your body needs cofactors to make this conversion. 

To convert tryptophan into serotonin and melatonin, i needs folate, it needs vitamin B6, it needs vitamin C it needs zinc, it needs magnesium. So that's why you want these healthy food. So for example, you’re going to get some — Let's say you have the salad. So you have the quinoa, which is a great source of tryptophan. You have spinach, which is a great source of folate, a.k.a. vitamin B9. By the way, I like leafy greens, because folic acid, the synthetic form of folate, not nearly as good as folate, the authentic nature’s form of folate found in things like spinach, and then your body is going to convert that to 5-HTP, and then with the help of vitamin B6 from bananas, maybe some vitamin C from raspberries, maybe some think from chickpeas, maybe someone magnesium from Swiss Chard, your brain is going to convert that into serotonin. 

Now, the same thing — Let's talk about GABA, right? Something that also helps you to relieve anxiety. Same thing here, glutamine is an amino acid found in spinach with the help of vitamin B6, magnesium and zinc. That is converted into feel-good GABA. Then the same thing for your main feel-good upper. Tyrosine, with the help of these the same cofactors, these vitamins and minerals, it converts that into dopamine, right? This is why I recommend in my 14-day program that you eat seven servings of whole fruits and vegetables every single day to ensure that you're getting all these vitamins, these minerals that are going to help your brain to make the feel-good neurotransmitters that you need to start to keep
Feeling good and relieve that drain brain. 

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Back to the show. 

[0:23:41.9] MB: I want to want to dig in to some of these solutions a little bit more, but for something like vitamins, for example, what are the effects or is it beneficial to take, for example, a vitamin B supplement or fish oil supplement, the kind of supplement your diet if you maybe are not getting enough of these foods naturally or is it not as bioavailable or is not as effective. Tell me a little bit about that. 

[0:24:02.8] MD: Listen. I think it's a great safety net for a lot of people. Nature has a way — I will say this. Nature has a way of putting things in combinations that increases our bioavailability. It’s just fascinating the way nature just knows how to put things together. 

In many ways, yes, when you do get in a natural form, I like to see the synergistic effects — Something else that heals your brain, probiotics, which I call the new Prozac. If you're eating a diet rich in probiotics, there are prebiotic, but then there are probiotic boosters. If you're eating natural healthy foods, that actually enhances the effect of other feel-good neurotransmitters. There is something to be said about synergy and synergistic effects of foods, but I will say that for a lot of people, supplements can be a really great safety net. 

What I don't want people to do is to supplement and then think that taking a B vitamin supplement means that you can skip all the other great sources of vitamin B6, B12 and folate, because those three B vitamins, 6, 12 and 9, a.k.a. folate, are just so vital. I have to say that I love supplementing, especially when I'm traveling and I’m not getting a healthy well-rounded diet. I can actually feel the difference when I get a little supplement of those B vitamins. So they are really helpful. 

It is also very difficult for a lot of people, unfortunately our world is polluted and it is polluted a lot of our seafood. In my book; Heal Your Drained Brain, I have what's called the omega-3 super food list, which is the list of fish that have, number one, high levels of omega threes, but number two, low levels of toxins, like mercury, and a lot of people just think, “Oh! I just should eat wild caught all the time,” but that’s actually a myth, because for salmon, that's true. Wild salmon, you want to stay away from farm raised salmon, but there are some farm raised varieties of fish, for example, farm raised rainbow trout that are actually very high in omega threes, but actually quite low in mercury. So it's safe to eat all the time, just about as safe as it is to eat wild caught salmon. Of course the same is not true for farm raised salmons. So you want to stay away from that. 

But supplementing with an omega-3 can be fantastic. In this book, in Brain Fog Fix, I call the two omega threes, the two usable forms of omega threes, EPA and DHA. In my book the Brain Fog Fix, because that book is really talking about brain fog, depression, dementia. EPA is your feel — I called it your feel-good omega-3, because it's been shown to relieve anxiety and boost mood, and I called DHA your think better omega-3, because it's also been shown to improve cognition and prevent dementia. 

Now, in this book; Heal Your Drained Brain, because I'm talking more about stress and insomnia, I call EPA your stress less omega-3. We know that supplementing with high levels of an EPA supplement with very low levels of a DHA can reduce your anxiety by 20%, but the ratio of EPA to DHA in a supplement needs to be 7 to 1 or higher for you to get that effect, and that’s because EPA and DHA compete for space in your cells. 

Now, in this book, I called DHA your sleep soundly omega-3, because it's also been shown to promote restful sleep. So even though I eat a lot of clean seafood and omega-3 super food, I do tend to also take on most days, not all days, I do really like taking an omega-3 supplements. I have a family history of heart disease. I'm always on planes. I’ve been to New York and back, been to LA , New York, LA in the past — What is that? Five or six days. So sometimes that's a little stressful packing and unpacking, waking up at 4 o'clock in the morning. A high EPA supplement can really help to relieve that anxiety, and if you're a vegan or vegetarian, I think what a lot of people don't understand — So number one, if you’re man, or number two, if you're an aging woman, what's interesting about the vegan sources of omega-3's, the ALA that you're going to find in walnuts and flaxseed, people don't understand that when they see a thousand milligrams of omega-3's that's like fortified and added to a food or maybe it's found in walnuts, your body has to convert that into the two usable forms that I just talked about, EPA and DHA, and it's not really good at this conversion, and men are not as good at this conversion when compared to women. 

We think that it has something to do with hormones. Theoretically, we know that younger women are probably better at this than older women. We also know that there is a difference between racial, people with different racial and ethnic background. So really, the best way to ensure you're getting the EPA and DHAs going straight to either the omega-3 super food sea foods or supplement. I'll tell you, if you are a vegan or a man and you're eating a lot of the vegan omega-3's, like walnuts, flaxseed, your body is okay at converting ALA found in walnuts into EPA, and it's a great food. Don't get me wrong. It's fantastic. I recommend everyone eat a lot of walnuts and all the other sources of ALAs that omega-3, the plant-based omega-3. But your body is terrible and men are especially terrible at converting ALAs into DHA, which, remember, is the omega-3 that helps you to think better and sleep soundly. 

If you are a vegan, you can supplement with a plant-based DHA supplement. For all those vegetarians out there who don't eat fish, that may be something, and especially the male vegans out there or vegetarian, you may want to pick up that supplement. I think people, when they think about in this way, it’s now, “Well, do I eat healthy or do I supplement?” It's sort of looking at who you are, your lifestyle and seeing which one works best for you and always using supplements hopefully as something to either augment, enhance or as a safety net for those times, like those busy travel periods where you just can't find. You’re at some chain hotel in the Midwest and in the suburbs and you know that all there is fast food around your hotel. That's a great time to get a great supplement to make sure you're getting all of these vitamin and mineral cofactors to heal a drained brain. 

[0:30:42.3] MB: It’s fascinating. I never knew that I can learn so much about just omega-3s. It’s really interesting. 

[0:30:48.7] MD: I love them. Omega-3s are probably one of the best things for your brain. Part of my 14-day program is you have to eat one omega-3 super food each and every day. It’s the best thing you can do for your brain in terms of food, that is. It's the building block of your brain. It’s why pregnant women need DHA to give their developing infant’s brain the building block that the human body needs to construct a brain, and if you're building new brain cells — And by the way, of course, I always talk about use it or lose it, and for a lot of people who are trying to enhance their productivity, it's use it and improve it, and if you're trying to improve your brain and you’re trying to boost neurogenesis and have a better brain, a faster brain, a bigger brain that is going to be able to handle more and be the best in your field, you really want those omega-3s, because it is the building block of your brain. It is important, and you can't go wrong if you supplement, if you supplement as a safety guard. Again, I do both. I supplement and I eat a lot of the omega-3 super foods. 

[0:31:52.6] MB: When you say that they are the building blocks of your brain, you mean sort of litearlly at a cellular level. It's one of the cornerstones of building healthy cells, correct?

[0:32:01.4] MD: Yeah, exactly. I mean, I really compare — When people don't understand what DHA is, that omega-3, I say imagine DHAs like play doh. It's your brains play doh that is actually constructing, or Tinker Toys is may visually is actually a little bit more accurate in terms of what neurons look like in the synapses and dendrites and all that. It really is literally the brain’s building block. People who had — If you have had a stroke, a traumatic brain injury, if your brain is healing from anything, high DHA supplement — My brother has a rare brain disease and had a massive stroke when he was 10 years old, and the first thing my brother, we started — I was 15 at the time and not an expert on brain health, but my father was a physician and did a lot of research and the first thing we did was we got my brother on a high DHA omega-3 and it really helps the brain to rewire. So even if you haven't had a stroke, if you are trying to make your brain better, DHA is probably one of the best things you can take. 

[0:33:04.3] MB: Really, really interesting. What about kind of — We touched on this a little bit, but macronutrients more broadly, sort of each of the different macros, so carbs, fat, etc., and protein, how do each of those kind of play into brain health?

[0:33:18.6] MD: That's a great question and a really large question in terms of what we could talk about. So let me just say that a couple of really interesting things when it comes to sort of that breakdown. I think it's really interesting. I think as Americans we are sort of all or nothing thinkers, right? Remember, a fat-free craze and then it was sort of the carb free craze. One day, everyone in America was eating bagels, fat-free bagels, and then everyone was on the Atkins diet and they’re eating no bagels, but they are eating bacon all day long, and I think what I recommend is the healthiest by far when it comes to having a rockstar brain is what I call a modified Mediterranean diet. That is a diet that is looking at sort of a nice healthy balance. So it's not going carb free. It's not going fat-free, but you’re shifting away from the high omega six fats. So you have this balance, and I call it modified, because in my program, it's a pretty — I would say it's a lower, but not carb free. It's a lower carbohydrate, Mediterranean diet. If you really want to lean body and a lean brain, you want a modified Mediterranean diet filled with the lean proteins, the nuts, olive oil. Those are your best fats.

Olive oil, there's a lot of — People are insane for coconut oil these days. I think coconut oil, if it's a high quality extra-virgin expeller-pressed organic, I think that can be a great treat, but in my opinion, extra-virgin olive oil is still the winner if those two were to be a wrestling match, coconut oil versus EV oil. I think extra-virgin olive oil is still the winner there. 

So you really want this balance. You want this modified Mediterranean diet that can really help your brain to become its best self or you to become your best self and your brain to become bigger and better. We know that shifting away from all of these oils that you will find in almost every food. One of my pet peeves is when I'm in an airport store and I see natural, some sort of a nut and it’ll say like, “All natural almonds,” or something, and I'll look on the back and it's nuts with some terrible oil. All of these oils, especially the worst oil, which is soybean oil, these oils are just terrible for you. If it's not extra-virgin olive oil, all of these disgusting oils, they’re just crap, because they put your brain in a state, something I don't think we've touched on yet. 

The other thing is it put your brain in a state of chronic inflammation. We know that the inflammatory response in the brain is just terrible for the brain. We want to shift to the brain from pro-inflammatory to anti-inflammatory, and if you take out all the crap oils in the standard American diet and you shift to oils found in nuts, nuts with no added oils, extra-virgin olive oil for cold preparations, and then extra-virgin olive oil isn't as stable at high temperatures. So if you're cooking, you can use just regular, sometimes it’s labeled light olive oil or just olive oil, if you're heating it, shifting you from high omega-6s, a.k.a. inflammation, to higher omega-3s anti-inflammatory response in the brain and the body. This used to be just a few years ago. We thought that this was sort of a preventative approach, but in the past, I believe it was just about one year ago, there was a human clinical study published that show that even for patients diagnosed. So this is not prevention. This is now treatment. Patients diagnosed with major depressive disorder who followed a what I call this modified Mediterranean diet. Some of them actually went into remission. So that's kind of huge for any of us. Even if you're not facing major depressive disorder, we know just how powerful this modified Mediterranean diet is for your brain. It's just fantastic. So it's a lot of fruits and vegetables, nuts, olive oil, fish, and then if you are eating animal products, I tend to try to limit mine. I think a lot of people eat too much. 

When you eat a lot of meat, by the way, your body and brain to get a little boost in stress hormones by eating a lot of meat, so you are going to get a little bit of that brain drainer. So you do want healthier meats, and research also shows that when you favor organic, grass-fed, pastured, humanely raised, all of these words aren't just great for the animals. They're great for you, because you are what you eat ate. 

If animal is humanely raised, grass-fed, free-roaming, organic, and they are actually outside and they are actually eating grass — Food companies can get away with some of these labels and trick you and feed them industrial grains, but if they’re organic, still get away with some of these. So you want as many — I try to go for as many of these words as you can find, and they're becoming less and less expensive these days. We know that animal products that have these words have more omega-3s, which again are great for the brain and less omega-6s when compared to conventionally factory-farmed animal products. Whether you're drinking milk, eating cheese, chicken, beef, no matter what it is. If you favor the organic, you're going to get more omega-3s and less omega-6s. You're still not going to get as many omega-3s when compared to eating like an on omega-3 superfood, but you're definitely going to get more than the conventionally raised crap meat that a lot of Americans are eating all day long. That's sort of a good overview, I think, may be of proteins and fats and sort of the macro approach. 

[0:39:16.5] MB: Just to give some examples. You touched a little bit on soybean oil, but what are some other kind of common sources of omega-6 fats?

[0:39:23.9] MD: I would say the most offensive villain here is the factory-farmed meat. If you go anywhere in the country, it’s pretty much anything you find in processed foods is going to have soybean oil and then it's going to have a factory-farmed meat product. So those two are the most egregious offenders of this high omega-6, a.k.a. a pro-inflammatory diet for your brain, and you just really want to shift away from that, if at all possible. 

[0:39:51.3] MB: I'm curious. Are there other kind of strategies that you recommend or have we missed anything in terms of kind of digging into the various interventions that we can implement to kind of get away from brain drain and build a really smart, healthy, vibrant brain?

[0:40:06.3] MD: Yeah. So I have a lot of practices. The second week of my 14-day program is all about these practices that help to shift your brain from a sympathetic nervous system dominant state, a.k.a. fight or flight, into a parasympathetic dominant one, a.k.a. rest and digest. 

If you kind of look at these two sides, I always use the analogy, this visual of a seesaw, your brain is always going to be tilted towards one or the other. If you're not stressed out and you’re nice and balanced, the seesaw will be tilted towards parasympathetic, rest and digest. If you're drained, it's going to be tilted towards sympathetic nervous system, a.k.a. fight or flight, and it's going to stay there, right?

We basically need to find a practice, and hopefully it's going to be a practice that's natural. I think the other thing that we’re relearning is the less people can rely on prescription medication, the better. So if you don't need to take a Klonopin or a Xanax or an Ativan to shift your brain away from fight or flight into rest and digest, the better. 

I have a lot of clinically proven practices, like progressive muscle relaxation, autogenic training, self- hypnosis, mindfulness meditation. I think this these things used to be sort of very hippie, airy fairy, but I think they've come into the mainstream and I'm so glad, because they really do work, and I think —I have a script of all of these practices in the book and sort of mantra meditation in the book, and it's sort of finding that tool that works for you. 

I've done a lot of mindfulness meditation and a lot of self-hypnosis. My brain, I prefer self-hypnosis in terms of how deep I can go how quickly, and if I'm feeling really stressed, that's a little practice that I can use in my own mind if I'm — No matter where I am, that works for me. Having that toolbox of what is that little practice, that 30-second practice that works for you. Also, exercise, right? 

In the chapter in Heal Your Drained Brain called jog for joy, it's fascinating. People are just loving — They're going nuts over this chapter, the people that have read and reviewed this book, because I've really broken down exercise into these brain chemicals. For example, overall, we want to be more fit, because during the course of the day, fit people release over 40% less cortisol, that stress hormone, that brain drainer, compared to people who are out of shape. You want to get in shape, but you also want to be really careful and you want to use the right exercise at the right time. 

So let me tell you what I mean by that. If you get on that treadmill and you're having a really bad day and you carry around a lot of anger and you're just having the worst day you’ve ever had, and then you do intense interval training. Recent research shows that you may increase your risk of a heart attack. It's kind of interesting that that would, for example, be a great day to do yoga or something, maybe something that's not interval training. 

Interval training, by the way, is one of the best ways to get in shape fast, and if you need to lose some belly fat, interval training is fantastic, and we do want to get in shape rapidly, because as I said, it's one of the best ways to sort of globally reduce your stress hormone levels, because fit people release less cortisol throughout the day compared to people who are not in shape, but interval training actually spikes your cortisol levels, your stress hormone levels in the short term, but then you get this long-term benefit. 

Another thing that I have in the book that people love is this new form of interval training, and it's a 10- minute interval training protocol that's been clinically proven in research. In this research, they found that cardiovascular health improved in these two groups in equal amounts. One group was doing standard interval training, about an hour class. The other group was doing 10-minute, these high intensity, let’s call it sprint interval training, where it’s sort of warm-up, jog, all out for 30 seconds, jog, all out for 30 seconds, jog, all out for 30 seconds, jog, cool down, a little 10-minute. Over the course of — I forget what the timeframe was, but I think it was about a month. These two groups had similar improvements. 

So this is not to take away from an hour long interval training class. You should absolutely do that. I do a lot of those classes myself, but it proves that 10 minutes — This is a little trick that I use. When I'm in a hotel gym that's disgusting and — It's like basically in this little room and it's hard to motivate yourself when you're tired and jetlagged and you're in this little hotel gym with like one treadmill. You can do this little 10-minute workout if you only have a little bit of time, and it's certainly better than nothing. If in fact, we think that if you follow this format that's in my book, that it may be just as effective in many ways as a longer class, because you're just pushing your body and then pulling back, but you also want to make sure that you're, again, choosing the right exercise for you on the right day at the right time, because it really does have a profound effect on your brain health. 

[0:45:28.8] MB: So many good strategies and kind of practical tips. For somebody who’s listening to this interview, what would be kind of one starting point that you would give them as kind of a piece of homework or an action item that they could use to implement the ideas that we’ve talked about today?

[0:45:44.5] MD: I would say just starts slowly. Remember that when it comes to brain health and healing your drained brain, my 14-day program is certainly a great jumpstart and most people start to feel a lot better, but at the end of the day, your brain health, it's not a sprint, it's actually a marathon, and a lot of the choices are choices that you're going to make for the rest your life. 

That being said, if it is a marathon, the biggest change — The pyramids started with one brick or the Empire State building or whatever that visual is that you love. Just do one healthy thing that you didn't do yesterday and do it today and gradually you’ll start to feel better, and a lot of times when people make one change, they start to feel a little better, and that provides them with the momentum and the positive feedback that makes two changes easier to do tomorrow. If you're somebody who maybe does need a little bit of a boot camp, my 14-day program is great, but what I don't want people to do is go all out and then feel hopeless and then say, “Oh! I can't do it. It was too hard.” 

If you’re in that boat where you’re just feeling, “Oh, gosh! There’s so much I have to do differently.” All you have to do — I would say today, do one thing that you've heard today that is going to be better for your brain. The positive feedback will carry through and hopefully tomorrow you'll do two. 

[0:47:03.7] MB: And where can listeners find you and your books and all these information online?

[0:47:07.8] MD: Yeah, you can go to my website, drmikedow, like Dow Jones, .com, drmikedow. I’m on social media, Dr. Mike Dow on all my accounts, and my new book; Heal Your Drained Brain, is available in all major bookstores; Amazon, hayhouse.com, all indie bookstores. It goes on sale February 6th, 2018.

[0:47:32.4] MB: Mike, thank you so much for coming on the show and sharing all these information. I learned a tremendous amount about brain health, omega-3s and much, much more. So thank you so much for being a guest and sharing all these wisdom. 

[0:47:42.6] MD: Thank for having me, Matt. 

[0:47:43.8] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created the show to help you, our listeners master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story or just say hi, shoot me an email. My email is matt@successpodcast.com. That's matt@successpodcast.com. I'd love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener email. 

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February 01, 2018 /Lace Gilger
High Performance, Health & Wellness

“The Most Innovative Experimental Psychologist In The World Today” on Luck, Deception, and Success - Dr. Richard Wiseman

January 25, 2018 by Lace Gilger in Mind Expansion

In this episode we explore luck. Does luck exist? Is there a science of luck? What does the research reveal about lucky people and unlucky people? Is it possible to manufacture your own luck? We speak with research psychologist Dr. Richard Wiseman and learn the truth about luck and how you just might able to create a bit more in your own life.

Dr. Richard Wiseman has been described by The Scientific American as “The most interesting and innovative experimental psychologist in the world today” and his books have sold over 3 million copies worldwide. Richard started his career as a working magician and now holds Britain’s only Professorship in the Public Understanding of Psychology. His work has been featured across the globe and he has delivered keynotes to The Royal Society, The Swiss Economic Forum, Google, and more.

  • How Richard went from being a performance magician to being deeply interested in human psychology

  • How studying "the psychology of deception” taught Dr. Wiseman to subtly influence human perception and behavior

  • Most people think they are good lie detectors, but they are in fact not - they are no better than chance

  • When you focus on reading only a transcript - average people go up to 60-70% effectiveness in detecting lies

  • People prefer to lie with the spoken word rather than with written word

  • Ask people “can you email that to me” to catch them in a lie

  • Does luck exist?

  • What research reveals the difference between lucky and unlucky people

  • For the most part, people are CREATING THEIR OWN LUCK by the way they are thinking and acting

  • The research supports, with enormous consistency, that you can create luck

  • The differences between lucky and unlucky people

  • The “newspaper experiment” and how it demonstrates the difference between being lucky and unlucky

  • How your “attentional spotlight” filters your perception and reality - causing you to miss basic opportunities - this is what the “unlucky” often do to themselves

  • Then, Dr. Wiseman taught subjects in experiments to “think like a lucky person” and these simple exercises caused the “unlucky” to be more lucky

  • Keep a “luck diary” - the most positive thing / positive thought that happens in a day - will rapidly reorient you towards being more “lucky”

  • The lucky tended to be more intuitive, risk seeking, and resilient

  • Generating “negative counterfactuals” and “finding the silver lining” can help you generate more luck

  • You are creating your own good and bad luck by what you are thinking and feeling

  • What happens if you don’t think you can train your mind to be more positive?

  • Try these “luck producing strategies” for 1 month and you will be luckier in your life

  • How people get stuck in an identity of being “unlucky” can sometimes trap you in a certain behavior pattern

  • Creating and cultivating flexibility in your life - taking a different route to work, changing your conversational style - enables you to capture luck in your life

  • Lucky people are “team players” and constantly look for win-wins - trying to help other people become successful and engaging and talking with other people constantly

  • Buying lottery tickets all day by exploring opportunities and relationships in an open way is how you can “create luck” in your life

  • The biggest myths of self help - and what evidence actually says about them

  • The danger of visualization - and why it doesn’t actually work - in fact “visualization is a terrible idea”

  • Visualizing endpoint threatens your motivation and ability to actually achieve those results, visualizing process is much more effective

  • Brainstorming reduces creativity by 20% in a group setting for 2 reasons

  • Social Loafing

    1. Group gets dominated by people who may or may not be the most creative

  • The far more effective brainstorming strategy is to brainstorm on your own - then everyone shows up to a meeting with their own perspective

  • The Harvard Motivational Study is a “complete work of fiction” - it’s never been conducted

  • Asking for evidence is essential - don’t believe something because it sounds plausible and it’s easy

  • The power of writing your own eulogy and how it can shed light on your true goals

  • The one technique you can use to shed light on your true intentions and goals for life

  • Terror management theory - how we respond to the things that scare us

  • Life is short - live the best life possible right now

  • The “As If” Principle

  • You have NO IDEA how you feel until you observe yourself

  • How the “As If” principle can help imapct phobias, anxiety, and depression

  • Ask yourself “how do I behave when I’m happy” - DO ALL THOSE THINGS and you will feel happier

  • The effects happen within 30-40 seconds

  • How do you generate the will power and motivation to act “as if”

  • I’m not nervous “I’m acting as-if I’m excited” - you can use labeling as a tool to act “as-if”

  • The power of the pre-mortem and finding out the risks, downsides, and problems of any project before you get started

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SHOW NOTES, LINKS, & RESEARCH

  • [Book] 59 Seconds: Change Your Life in Under a Minute by Richard Wiseman

  • [Book] The Luck Factor by Richard Wiseman

  • [Book] The As If Principle: The Radically New Approach to Changing Your Life by Richard Wiseman

  • [Youtube Channel] Quirkology

  • [Personal Site] Richard Wiseman

Episode Transcript


[00:00:06.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:11.9] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success, the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the Internet with more than a million downloads and listeners in over 100 countries.

In this episode we explore luck. Does luck exist? Is there a science behind luck? What does the research reveal about lucky people and unlucky people? Is it possible to manufacture your own luck? We speak with research psychologist, Dr. Richard Wiseman, and learn the truth about luck and how you just might be able to create a little bit more in your own life. 

I'm going to give you three reasons why you should join our email list today by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the homepage. There's some amazing stuff that's only available to our email subscribers, so be sure to sign up. 

First, you're going to get awesome free guide that we create based on listener demand, including our most popular guide; How to Organize and Remember Everything. You can get that completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide by signing up and join the email list today. 

Next, you’re going to get a curated curating weekly email from us every single week called Mindset Monday, short, simple, actionable science-based advice that you can implement into your life. Listeners have been loving this email. Next, you’re going to get listener exclusive content and a chance to shape the show, vote on guests, change our intro music, even submit your own questions to upcoming guests. So be sure to stay on the list. Only people on the email list have access to these opportunities. You can sign up by going to successpodcast.com signing up right on the homepage, or if you’re on the go, if you’re out and about, driving around, whatever else, you can text the word “smarter”, that S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44222. 

In our previous episode, we discussed the habits of high achievers, the motivation myth, the deep into the habits, routines and strategies you can use to achieve more in less time, talk about the balance between hustle and hard work versus recovery and much more with our guest, Jeff Haden. 

If you want to get the habit and strategies the top performers use to achieve results in the real-world, listen to that interview. 

Now, without further ado, here's Dr. Richard Wiseman. I did want to give you a heads up. He is in England, so we had a little bit of a choppy connection. Nothing too bad, but I just wanted to let you know before the interview starts. 

Here we go. 

[0:02:28.7] MB: Today, we have another awesome guest on the show, Dr. Richard Wiseman. Richard has been described by the Scientific American as the most interesting and innovative experimental psychologist in the world today. His books have sold over 3 million copies. He began his career working as a magician and now holds Britain's only professorship the in public understanding of psychology. His work is been featured across the globe and he’s delivered keynotes to the Royal Society, the Swiss Economic Forum, Google and more. 

Richard, welcome to the Science of Success. 

[0:03:00.6] RW: Pleasure to be here. Thank you very much. 

[0:03:02.6] MB: We’re very excited to have you on today. I love to start out. I definitely want to dig into a number of things you've written about and spoken about. To start out though, your background and the journey of how you kind of became fascinated with all these different subjects is fascinating. So I love to begin with that, hear a little bit about how you began and sort of where that journey took you. 

[0:03:23.5] RW: I guess I began with my passion in life, which was magic and performing magic. So when I was surrounded about 8 years old, I sold my first magic trick, really got into it and went to the public library and started reading a lot about magic. I was professional before in my early teens, and then started to look more at the psychology of magic, because if you're going to be a good magician, you need to understand how your audience thinks and feels. It’s a pretty order, because you're standing in front of a group of strangers and you need to do psychology experiments about magic tricks myself night after night and fool every single person in the room. 

You can't have a good night where you just fool 80% of people. You do have to understand how people's minds work, where their attention is, how they’re perceiving what’s in front of them, how they’re remembering the performance afterwards, particularly when they discuss it with their friends. I just became interested in that very practical, applied aspect of psychology and essentially became so interested in it that I studied as an experimental psychologist first at University College London, which perhaps not surprisingly is in London. 

At the end of that, I was looking for an interesting Ph.D. and by chance I saw a poster up on the wall. These were the days before email. So we used to communicate with posters. There was a poster up on the wall saying that there was a professor at the University of Edinburgh in Scotland, and he was interested in psychology of deception and was looking for a candidate to explore that topic with him. 

I applied to the University of Edinburgh, was accepted on that course and spent four years looking at deception, and then at the end of that, I came back down to the south of the U.K., at the University of Hertfordshire and started to work on social psychology and on the psychology of self-development, and that's where I’ve been ever since. I've only really have one proper job, which has been at the university and that's been for 20 something years now. But that is basically the kind of line through in terms of my career. 

[0:05:25.4] MB: So the psychology of deception sounds fascinating. Tell me a little bit of what were kind of some of the fundamental conclusions or ideas that you uncovered when you were working on that?

[0:05:36.0] RW: Partly, again, was looking at the psychology of magic. Magicians need to convince you of a certain and that narrative has something impossible in it, that somebody levitates or appears or disappears or whatever it is. But behind that narrative, you have the real narrative, the method some magicians like to call it the trap doors or the mirrors, and we are looking at ways in which magicians encourage you to think one sets of things and not all ask certain questions. 

If you take a very — I don’t know, a very kind of simple trick where you ask people to think for a number between 1 and 10 and the magician might predict that people are going to say number 7, that’s to do with the fact if that trick fools you. It’s to do with the fact that you don’t realize that seven is the most frequently chosen number and so. They hide that a little bit away from you. That was one part of it. 

The other part was looking at the psychology of lying, and particularly weather people, when they lie, give off more information, give off more tales if you like using their body language or using the words they say. We carried out quite a well-known experiment on the British media where we had a very well-known political commentator go on to a television program, and I interviewed him twice, once about his favorite film and he told me he loved Gone With the Wind, and then asked him a second time about his favorite film, and he told me he'd love Some Like it Hot, because one of them was a complete lie. Yes, he hated one of those two films. 

We have the public vote on which they thought was the lie, and in line with all of the experimental work into lying, they were about 50-50. No better than charms. Most people think they could lie detectors, but they really not. When we took just the soundtrack of those two interviews and put them on the radio or just to publish the transcripts in the national newspaper, people's lie detecting abilities went up into the 60%, 70%, and the reason for that is that when we lie, it’s very easy to control our body language. Whether we gesture or smile [inaudible 0:07:39.9]. It’s much harder to control the words we say and how we say them. If you shift people's attention on to those attributes, they become much better lie detectors, and that was all parts of that deception work as well. 

[0:07:52.9] MB: That's fascinating. So an average person will be essentially no better than 50-50 chance of detecting a liar if they're looking at a video of someone, but if you take them to the transcript, you said it was up to 60 %to 70%?

[0:08:06.2] RW: Absolutely. It’s one, the simplest of fixes. If you're thinking someone is going to lie to you, actually just guessing them on the phone is much better than interviewing them or speaking to them face-to-face. In fact, actually I returned that. I know we’ll probably talk about 59 Seconds later on, but I returned that topic in 59 Seconds, which is my book about these sorts of things. The other aspect of lie detection is that people don't want to commit the lie to paper, to something that whether you can look back and go, “hold on a second. You told me that at that point.” They rather like the idea of it being a spoken lie, because then can say, “You’ve misremembered what I said.” 

In 59 Seconds, I was talking about some of the research, which if you want to find out whether someone’s lying to you, the magic words to use are, “Can you email that to me?” If they are lying, that email will never arrive, or when it does arrive, it's somewhat different than what they just told you face-to-face. I became just interested in these simple winds, these things, which evidence-base, that can have a very big impact. 

[0:09:13.5] MB: That’s fascinating. I love that symbols sort of practical strategy of just asking some to email you and then sort of gauging whether that's different from what they communicated to you. 

I’d love to transition, because there're so many things I want to talk about in this interview. Your work on luck is one of the most fascinating things that I think you've done. I’d love to kind of start out with many people think of luck, they think that it's kind of randomness of chance or sort of arbitrary. From your perspective and from the work in the research that you’ve done, what is it mean to be lucky and does luck exist?

[0:09:48.3] RW: That work dates back a long way. It dates back to the 1990s, actually, and at that time — And this was before, really, the kind of evidence-based self-help movement was around. It was a little bit before even what’s called positive psychology was around. I was talking to people about key moments in their lives how they ended up in certain relationships and certain careers and they would talk about these lucky and unlucky moments. They would talk about themselves being a lucky or unlucky person. 

At that point in time, really, people, psychologists, had dismissed the concept of luck. They had said, “Look. It’s just random. It's like winning or losing a lottery. There’s no science to be had here,” or these people are kidding themselves. They’re not really lucky. 

I embarked on this research project, which was gathering together about a thousand people who consider themselves exceptionally lucky and unlucky, and then presenting them with various tasks and seeing how they responded. What we saw even very early on in that research within probably the first six months, it was a four-year project, but within the first six months, we saw very big difference emerging between the lucky and the unlucky people. So we came to the conclusion towards the end of that project that for the most part, it’s not true of every aspect of your life, but for the most part, people are creating their own luck by the way they were thinking and the way they're behaving. 

They didn't realize that it didn't look like that to them, that it will be like a magic trick. To them it looked a magical thing that was just happening that they were either destined to do well in life or fated to do badly, but we could see unconsciously that we’re using certain tricks to accomplish that, and that then formed the basis of my very first book, which was the luck factor, which again was the first kind of evidence-based take on self-help where we were saying to people. “Look. Don't just listen to her self-help guru. Ask for the evidence. We've done the experiments. We can tell you what we found, and here are some exercises that hopefully will make you luckier in life.”

[0:11:52.0] MB: I want to dig in to how to create or manufacture your own luck, but before we do, I'm really curious if you could share maybe an example or two or a story from some of the research you did around luck, because I know there's some really kind of interesting and compelling examples. 

[0:12:07.9] RW: We had a lot of them, and there's enormous consistency. I think the lucky people, always in the right place at the right time, lots of opportunities, they always fall on their feet and so on. In terms of the unluckiest people, we had one woman who had five car accidents in one 50-mile journey, which she put down to her jinxed green car, and then one day she came to the University and watched her trying to park the car, and we realized there were a few other factors in there. She’s also unlucky in love, so she signed up with a dating agency and first date came off his motorbike and broke his leg. The replacement day, walked into a glass door and broke his nose and eventually when she found someone to marry, the church they're going to get married in was burned down one day before the wedding, and that was how her whole life had gone. That was very typical of the unlucky people. Everything I touch was an absolute disaster. 

Then on the flip side, you have these lucky people who wanted to start with a new kind of business venture and went to a party and met somebody there by chance and that person was exactly the person they needed in order to catapult themselves forward, and they became millionaires and so on. So very big differences between the two groups. 

[0:13:24.4] MB: And how can somebody, for example, the woman who was consistently unlucky, how could she sort of transition or become someone who is lucky, and what were some of the differences between her and a lucky person?

[0:13:37.2] RW: Well, if we start with the differences, one was very interesting, almost perceptual different actually in terms of how they were seeing the world, and this was the form, the basis for an experiment we did. This then became quite well-known in terms of having people look at the newspaper. 

We asked people to come into the lab to flick through a newspaper and just count the number of photographs in the newspaper. It's a fairly dull thing to do. What we didn't tell them is there were two large opportunities placed in the newspaper. One was a half-page advert with massive type that said, “Stop counting. There are 42 photographs in this newspaper,” and the other was another half page advert that said, “Say, you’ve seen, tell the experiment you’ve seen, and win,” whatever it was, 100 pounds or something. 

What was fascinating was the lucky people tended to spot those opportunities, and so they would stop and go, “My goodness! That's great. I don’t need to count all the photographs, or could I have my prize now?” The unlucky people literally turned the page and didn't see them, and that's to do with this notion of attentional spotlight, that when we look at the world, we’re not seeing everything that's in front of us. We’re seeing a small part of it, where we place that active attention. When you become worried and anxious and concerned, as the unlucky people were, that becomes very small. You become very focused, and in doing so, you don't see something if you don't expect to see it. 

The lucky people were far more relaxed and far more cheerful, had a large attentional spotlight, and so more likely to see opportunities they don’t expect and also act on them. That was the type of study we’re doing in order to try and tease really what was happening, why one group would say, “My goodness! I get all these opportunities,” and another group would say, “I never get a break.”

[0:15:35.8] MB: I love the newspaper experiment. That’s one of my favorite examples, and I’m so glad you shared it, and it just demonstrates really clearly that it's not necessarily sort of fate and random chance that's causing people to be lucky or unlucky. Obviously, there is a factor of that, but in many ways you can kind of create your own luck.

[0:15:56.0] RW: Absolutely. That was the premises of the research. Then what we did was to go on and test that. So hold on a second. If we take a group of people who are not particularly lucky or unlucky and we get them to think and behave like a lucky person, does that increase their luck? That data forms the basis, the luck factor book, and we found very simple exercises. The simplest one, but one of the most popular and which is now a well-known exercise, but at the time it wasn't, which is just getting people to keep a lucky diary and at the end of each day writing down the most positive thing, positive thought that they’ve had during that day, or one negative event that used to happen is no longer happening, or some sense of gratitude they have, their friends, or family or health or job or whatever. That starts to reorient people quite quickly. 

So one of the issues with focusing is that if you are an unlucky personal or think you are, you literally do not see the good things in your life until you start to carry out that exercise. It’s a very, very simple intervention found, well it’s the simplest of interventions that had the most powerful effects, but you could see dramatically over the course of a month or two people becoming more positive, becoming luckier because of those interventions. 

[0:17:12.7] MB: I’d love to dig in to a few of the other kind of tactics and strategies that you talked about that people can use to create their own luck.

[0:17:20.2] RW: There are lots of them. We looked at intuition. Lucky people tended to be a little bit more intuitive than unlucky people. They tended to be risk-takers without being reckless. They also tended when bad things happen to be very resilient. So whereas the unlucky people would always generate what are called positive counterfactual, that is when a bad event happened, they always imagined how it could've been much, much better. 

If they — I don’t know, fallen on the stairs, broke their leg. They said, “Well, I could have fallen down the stairs and not broken my leg, and therefore this is a terrible, terrible outcome.” What lucky people do naturally is imagine they could've been [inaudible 0:17:59.4], and so they’d go, “Well, I could've fallen down the stairs and broke both of my legs,” for example. That automatic generating of an negative counterfactuals really helps people with resilience as does finding the silver lining, that no matter how bad the event, there will be something good that has come from it. Again, lucky people very naturally do that. Unlucky people, it's very, very hard for them until the exercise is pointed out to them to find that the positive in what seems like a negative event. 

All these things are very simple, but I think we're the first people to really try and put numbers to the them, to kind of go, “Okay. Let's test this. Let’s find out what works and what doesn't work.”

[0:18:43.3] MB: I just wanted to confirm again for people listening that your research came to the fundamental conclusion that people who are and think of themselves as unlucky can learn these basic behaviors and literally sort of manufacture or create their own luck and become a luckier person just by implementing a few of these behaviors. 

[0:19:04.0] RW: That’s right. It doesn't feel like that at the time. It feels like, as I say, something magical or supernatural is happening, but it is deeply psychological. It's not true of everything. I mean, there are some events in your life that really are chance and nothing to do with you, but for the most part you’re creating your own good and bad luck by the way you're thinking and feeling. More importantly, change how you think and feel and you can increase the luck you experience, and that was the very radical notion which underlie the luck factor book. 

When that came out, it sold right across the world and became this kind of big bestseller, which was a lovely thing to see, that we could take our research and give it not only a national, but an international platform for people.

[0:19:43.6] MB: And what would you say to somebody who’s listening and sort of things to themselves, “Yeah, that sounds great, but that’s not work for me, or it's not going to happen when I do it, or I can't train my mind to see the positive in things.”

[0:19:58.7] RW: I guess — We heard that a lot from the unlucky people, and what we found was it was the simplest of interventions that have the big effects. The problem with some of these more [inaudible 0:20:09.4] interventions is that people get confused or they don’t have the willpower to keep going or they’re not quite certain what they should do. Everything is very simple. We know it works with the vast majority of people. I have to say, [inaudible 0:20:23.8]. There’s around about 20% of people that rather enjoy being unlucky, and what I mean by that is their self-identity is bound up with that. They’re the person that goes to parties and knocks over glasses and, “Oh my goodness! That's clumsy me. Everything I do, absolutely terrible,” and at some level they’re enjoying that and at some level are deeply afraid to move away from that identity, and those folks are very hard to reach, actually. But for the vast majority of people, actually these things do work, but you do need to do it. If you give up before you stopped, clearly it's not going to have much of an impact. You need to do these things. The person says, “Well, they’ll work or won’t work,” I would say come back after a month of doing them and then tell me that. If you tell it to me right now, I'm going be a bit skeptical, because you’re giving up before you started.

[0:21:16.8] MB: So you mentioned the luck diary. We talked a little bit about sort of find the silver linings. What are some of the other really simple strategies that people can implement?

[0:21:26.6] RW: Part of it was about flexibility, that even when the unlucky people saw an opportunity, they were very scared to move forward, because they were in a rut and they rather like routine even though it wasn’t a successful routine. Getting people to be more flexible, getting people to try things they haven't tried before, going to work or college with a different route, listening to whatever it is, radio that you don't normally listen to, trying different types of food, altering your conversational style. If you’re [inaudible 0:21:57.3] spending a bit more time, vice versa if your introverts, going two hours without saying the word I. All of these things give you a sense of flexibility, and that means that when an opportunity comes along, you're far more likely to make the most of that opportunity rather than go, “No. I'm not that sort of person. I am not a sort of person who’s flexible and changes.” 

[0:22:19.2] MB: Even these simple sort of daily interventions, things like taking a different route to work, changing the conversational sort of strategies or styles that you’re using, maybe going for a walk randomly or to a different place that you don’t typically do. All of these create sort of the behavior or the sort of competency of flexibility, which then enables you to kind of capture “luck” when it sort of falls into your lap. 

[0:22:45.1] RW: That's pretty much it. It puts you into the mindsets in that instance of somebody who’s flexible, who changes. The one thing we know about life is it’s not predictable. The strategies that worked last week may not work so well next week. So you need to be able to change and alter the sort of person you are., and lucky people were like that. They were very open to an uncertain future they thought they’d be able to cope, but they were very open to an uncertain future, where the unlucky people really like the idea of a plan. Even if that plan didn't work out, they would still keep on repeating it, because at least it have some certainty to. 

Also, lucky people tended to be team players. They tended to be trying to negotiate win-wins all the time and to build up a network of contacts around them. They were be very, very well-connected. The unlucky people tended to be socially isolated. If they had an idea they hadn't really going to want to bounce it off of. They haven’t got that experience or talking to somebody and then going, “Oh! You should be my friend.” They’re really interested in that, and that plays an absolute key role in success. That was about the social side of it rather than the cognitive side.

[0:23:55.2] MB: That's really interesting, and so that’s kind of another one of these learned behaviors, is that if you become more social, you can also create luck essentially through sort of the network effect of meeting and engaging with more people. 

[0:24:09.9] RW: Oh, absolutely. I can remember one lucky person who came into the lab and they were trying to sell their car. So we’re doing the experiment, on the way out, they spoke to one of the secretaries in the department and they were chatting and then the secretary, “You’re not interested in buying a new car, because I’ve got a car I’m trying to —” and the secretory, “Oh! I am actually. How weird you mentioned that. I am.” The two of them got chatting and he ended up selling his car to her. Now that's a very, very good example of him creating his own good luck. He will look back on that and go, “My goodness! What are the chances? I just happened to bump in to somebody.” 

The fact is, he was bumping into people all of the time. He was buying a [inaudible 0:24:49.0] times a day in that sense and occasionally have hit the jackpot. The unlucky people simply weren’t buying the tickets, that they weren't spending any time with other people or exploring those relationships in an open way, and so they weren't getting those opportunities. 

[0:25:02.7] MB: Yeah, it’s the old kind of analogy that you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, right? So lucky people, it sounds like — And according to the research, are essentially sort of constantly dabbling and exploring all these potential opportunities and sort of things that may emerge, and then when it does, they’re like, “Oh! Look at that, that opportunity kin of emerged.”

[0:25:24.4] RW: That’s right. Also, particularly with social networks, if you hit a node, if you hit somebody who's very well-connected, then you’re massively increasing your chances. You’re not just talking to that person or that party, your essentially talking to all the people they know. So if you're talking to somebody who’s well-connected, it might be that that opportunities is not for them, but they'll say, “Oh! Let me introduce you to so and so.” With networking, the way it works in terms of how we connected to others, it's very easy to get access to a very large number of people, and that’s what the lucky people were so skilled at doing. 

[0:26:02.1] MB: I think digging down the rabbit hole of how to build relationships and social networking is probably beyond the full scope of our conversation, but for visitors who are curious, we do have another interview with Keith Ferrazzi that goes super deep into a lot of strategies you can use to implement many of those different things. 

I'm curious, I’d love to kind of transition a little bit. I mean, the luck factor and all the work you did there is really fascinating, but I want to talk about some of the other work you’ve done, because I also think it's really aligned with what the show focuses on and what we often talk about on here. In 59 Seconds, which is one of your other books, you talk at length about sort of debunking some of the myths and confusion points in self-help. I'm curious, what kind of lead you to want to write that book? 

[0:26:46.7] RW: 59, I mean, all the books have slightly old origins. 59, was because I went out for lunch, I think it was, with a friend of mine who’s quite the CEO in quite a big organization, and she started to talk about happiness and she said, “Oh, you know a bit about happiness. How does it work in terms of psychology?” 

I started to answer and she said, “I’m quite a busy person. Can you really tell me and sort of cut it down a bit?” I said, “How long have you got?” She said, “Around about a minute,” and I thought that's kind of an intuition. [inaudible 0:27:19.2] ideas in psychology, that can be conveyed [inaudible 0:27:22.5] .Originally, the book was called 60 Seconds, and we round, and it was about evidence-based — In less than a minute, and at one meeting I said precisely that, I said less than a minute and someone said, “It’s not 60 seconds. It's 59 seconds,” and that's a much better title for all sorts of reasons.

So part of that book is debunking the myths of self-help, things which we all like to believe, which simply aren’t true and therefore are hurting us, and then the other parties, and here is what you can actually do to be more successful in these various domains, such as happiness and relationships and parenting and so on. That was the origins of that book, and it then became a very successful YouTube channel and has been all around the world again. So it is probably the book I’m best known for, and actually the quickest one to write. I think that was probably written about two months. So it was [inaudible 0:28:15.6] stuff that I've been storing up in my head.

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Now back to the show. 

[0:29:36.7] MB: What were some of the bit myths that you uncovered that kind of permeates self-help?

[0:29:42.0] RW: I think the biggest one was this notion of visualization, that there are so many self-help books that tell people to visualize endpoint. That is to visualize yourself in five years in the perfect relationship, perfect career, whatever it is. When you look at the psychology to an experiment, there is a single experiment that doesn't say that that is a terrible, terrible idea. It makes you feel good, which is why people like doing it. The problem is in terms of success and in terms of bringing that [inaudible 0:30:17.6] into reality, it sets your expectations very high and encourages you not to do anything else. All you need to do is dream. 

So when that future doesn't emerge, then you become very discouraged. You think like, “I gave it my best shot, and I’m quite fatalistic,” and so very unlikely to move on throughout the strategies. There’s probably about 10, 15 papers now showing across pretty much every domain, that aspect, that application of visualization is a terrible idea. 

There’s an equally large literature that says that visualization is a powerful tool, but you visualize process, not endpoint. If you want to do well in an exam, you visualize yourself doing the sorts of things. good students do; asking questions in class, revising, going a little bit further than the other students, or whatever. You don't visualize yourself sitting down and having a wonderful exam or opening an envelope and taking out an A-grate certificate. I think that was one of the key things. I mean, that notion, that visualization of endpoint is now all over the place, but I think we’re the first to sort of bring it into kind of public consciousness. 

[0:31:25.9] MB: That is a great distinction, because I think it gets lost on a lot of people when they talk about visualization. The methodology itself can be effective, but it needs to be applied to a process as opposed to an endpoint. 

[0:31:38.1] RW: That’s correct, then there’s a large literature suggesting exactly that. Even [inaudible 0:31:42.9] it wasn't known, and so all these athletes were being encouraged to visualize exactly the wrong thing. So it's a complete waste of time. It was nice to sort of dig up some of these. 

The other one was brainstorming. This notion of all getting together in the room and coming up with ideas, again, reduces creativity by around about 20%. As we speak, there’ll be organizations around the world where everyone is sitting around in a room and trying to solve a problem in a creative way brainstorming terrible and apply it in that particular way. 

What is far more effective is everyone brainstorms on their own, and they arrive at that meeting of ideas and you go around the table and everyone discusses their three ideas. Then you see big increases in both the number of ideas, obviously, and the originality. It’s a very simple tweak, but it’s very important one. We’ve been getting brainstorming wrong for many, many years. 

[0:32:42.0] MB: That makes a lot of sense. What was the sort of science or the reasoning behind why brainstorming in a group is so ineffective? 

[0:32:49.9] RW: There’s two bits of science behind it. One is social loafing, which is anyone in the group, and some people would just simply not try very hard, because [inaudible 0:33:00.1]. One, they’re thinking, “Well, if I come up with a key idea, the whole group gets the kind of glory for that, which I don’t like the sound of.” The other is, “I can just lean back and let everyone else do the work,” and both of those ideas means that people don't tend to engage very much. 

The other is that within any group, you’ll get some people that dominate, and who knew the most dominating people are not the most creative, and they end up telling you all their ideas and the quieter people don't get a word in. So simply by having this very simple intervention would change of everyone arriving with three ideas get rid of all of those problems very, very effectively. 

[0:33:40.7] MB: What were some of the other kind myths that permeate self-help that you uncovered in 59 Seconds?

[0:33:47.8] RW: There’s quite a few of them in there. I mean, right I think when I was writing it, the notion of the Harvard motivational stuff, which is the study where the Harvard researchers — I mean, [inaudible 0:33:59.1]. It’s credited various universities, but normally Harvard. Harvard researchers go in, ask kids what they want to be when they grow up and only 3% know, and that 3% for 20 something years accounts for 90% of the income of the cohort. Used all over the place to encourage people to get their kids to focus very young, and when you look at the evidence for it, there’s simply isn’t any evidence. That's a complete work of fiction. That experiment has never been conducted, and people need to know that. there is no hard evidence that getting children to focus very young will have any positive impact on their the long-term success or career. 

Again, parents didn't know, and I regularly taught organizations, and you get people in the audience saying, “I just had no idea that's entirely fictitious.” There's quite a lot of kind of myth busting in that book. 

[0:34:52.1] MB: I’m curious, because one of the things that we focus on a lot on the Science of Success is what we call evidence-based growth, which is basically thinking about the world from the perspective of evidence first and trying to understand what does the science say, what does evidence say and what is that mean for us as individuals trying to achieve our goals and sort of create a better world? Why do you think that it's so hard within self-help to bring that evidence to the forefront? Often, it seems like there's so much noise that it's really challenging to sort of distinguish what the signal is. 

[0:35:34.1] RW: I think it’s [inaudible 0:35:34.7] two reasons. One is that we’re equipped with common sense. One of the problem being is often wrong, but intuitively, it feels like if you get kids to focus young, that would be a good thing. Intuitively, it feels that sitting around a room and kicking around some ideas is a good thing. Intuitions are often wrong. 

That’s one reasons why it’s tricky. The other is that the psychological literature is really spread out. I mean, it is immense now, and that you need a fair bit of expertise to even find out where the relevant papers are, and even more expertise be able to read them and actually know what they're trying to say in terms of the data. 

I think it is very, very tough for people to actually find the evidence, and that was really the thinking behind 59 Seconds, to be honest actually. We’re saying to people, “Look. I will do all that hard work for you,” and I think I probably read close a couple of thousand papers, academic papers for that book, “I will do all that hard work and then I will present it in a way that I think is fair and with some take-home messages.” But I think it’s very, very difficult, particularly now with the web when there are just so many websites out there telling you so many different things, and unless you have access to those primary sources, you’re not really going to know who or what to believe.

[0:36:51.6] MB: And so what can sort of a well-intentioned individual who is not a scientist do if they're looking for these kind of bastions of evidence-based strategies in today's world?

[0:37:04.9] RW: Obviously, read my books is the main thing. That's why I always advise anyone that. But I think always ask the question, “Where is the evidence? Where is this coming from?” Also, how much are you investing in it, because if it is something which is going to take you a couple of hours every day or something like that, you’re going to want to know that there is some kind of evidential underpinning that is in a peer-review journal or whatever it is. I just think asking for evidences is absolutely key, and not believing something just because it sounds plausible or it's easy. If it’s the sort of thing which you enjoy doing, well, it may not be having a wonderful effect on your life. Also, if you're not becoming more successful with it, if it’s not making you happier or improving relationships [inaudible 0:37:51.5], just stop and do something else. It's not rocket science, and I appreciate that it can be quite tricky for people particularly on the evidential front. 

[0:38:00.6] MB: Yeah, I think that’s a struggle that we think about a lot, is how can — Obviously, on the show, we take a lot of time. We read through a lot of the research. We try to find people who have done their homework and actually speak from a position of sort of scientific authority, but it’s definitely a struggle, and I think a lot about there's so much just noise out there. How can we see through the mist and figure out, “All right. What’s actually true? What's actually effective?” It’s something that's kind of a mission of ours and that we spent a lot of time thinking about.

[0:38:34.7] RW: It’s important work, and it’s even more important when you move out to the health domain where people are doing all sorts of weird procedures that aren’t helping at all. Some of the sort of cutting edge health research showing some of things we thought were extremely helpful [inaudible 0:38:48.8] in terms of some sorts of surgery and pills and so on has simply having no effect. If it's a problem there, it’s definitely going to be a problem when you move over to psychology. 

[0:38:59.5] MB: I'm curious, there's one other strategy that you talked about and 59 Seconds that I thought was really interesting, which is the idea of writing your own eulogy. Can you talk a little bit about that?

[0:39:11.5] RW: Yeah, it’s a lovely idea. I mean, it's — Well, not when you come to do it. It’s quite a terrifying idea [inaudible 0:39:16.9] it’s lovely, which is this notion that we don't realize perhaps [inaudible 0:39:21.6] life is and it’s very easy to get distracted and to just simply have a good time and not think about the bigger picture. It’s only when you get slightly drawn in life, these thoughts to realize there are things you wish you had done and that something’s a little bit more meaningful than others and so on. Writing your own eulogy is a nice way of cutting to the chase. So you say to somebody, “What do you want someone to stand up at your own funeral and say about you?” It's a very effective way of setting goals. 

If you ask people to do that, then look at the discrepancy between what they've written for that perfect eulogy and their life as it currently is, you can see people suddenly start to shift and go, “Well, I'd like someone to stand up in my funeral and say what a kind person I've been and I’ve helped to my friends and family, and then you say, “So, currently, are you helping your friends or family?” They say, “No, I'm not,” and so is fairly obvious where the shift is. 

It’s a lovely exercise. There's a lot of psychology to the back that up and into a field called terror management, and it's very interesting. Yeah, it's something I recommend actually to all my students.

[0:40:31.7] MB: What is terror management?

[0:40:33.3] RW: Terror management theory is this notion that there are certain things that scare us and how we respond to that. Of course, the biggest thing that scares us is death, and so most people run away from death. Actually, you want people to confront the fact [inaudible 0:40:52.7] on the few things we know with 100% certainty. Actually, it isn't quite scary. It can be quite empowering, and that is a very old idea. I mean, the idea of memento mori, which was you see skeletons in paintings or something like that, those of there to remind the viewer that life is short and that you should live the best life possible right now, because your life might end much sooner than you think. So it's a very old psychological intervention [inaudible 0:41:22.4]. 

[0:41:23.1] MB: I want to segue now and get into a little bit, just talk about the as if principle. I find that really, really fascinating and that’s something that I think is worthwhile to share with the listeners. Would you talk a little bit about kind of what that is and how you came to talk about that? 

[0:41:40.8] RW: Yeah, the as if principle, again, dates back to the roots of psychology, and particularly to William James who’s one of the founding fathers of psychology around the turn of the last century, and the obvious way of looking at the link between — Let's go with behavior and emotion, is that your emotions create certain behaviors, and that feels like common sense. When you feel happy, you smile. 

What James did was to question that and turn it on its head and say, “Well, is the opposite true? Is there a kind of back channel?” which is that if you face, forced your face into a smile, do you end up feeling happier? He was an experimentalist. He was a philosopher, and so pose that question in various domains before the experimentalists come along and start to go, “Let’s ask that question. When you behave in certain ways, does that affect the way you think and the way you feel?” and they found that it did. You behave as if you are happy, you feel happier. You behave as if you're confident, you feel more confident. That is the basis of the book which in America is called the as if principle. I just explored that very simple idea in lots of different domains.

[0:43:00.0] MB: Is that essentially the idea of fake it till you make it?

[0:43:04.6] RW: A little bit. I think it's not same as that, and in part because the word kind of fake it has a slightly different meaning to it, but it is that notion that if you, yes, behave in a certain way, that will affect how you think and feel.

Fake it until you make it is often about how it [inaudible 0:43:23.8] to perceive you and it’s not quite that. It's more about how your behavior affects yourself, and then that affects others. The fake it till you make it is, “Oh! I’m going to appear very confident and other people will see me as more confident.” The as if principle is, “I'm going to act more confident. That makes me feel more confident, and therefore I am perceived as more confident.” 

[0:43:45.6] MB: Tell me a little about the science behind that. What does kind of research say or should you share some of the specific conclusions or examples from some of the studies?

[0:43:55.4] RW: Well, in terms of the [inaudible 0:43:58.2] pathways, we don’t really know, to be honest. There is a very profound theory that sits behind it, and this is why it interested William James. The theory is that your entire common sense notion that you feel happy and, therefore, smile, is simply wrong, that you have no idea how you feel until you observe yourself. It gets to the roots of consciousness.

So the idea is that sort of there’s someone sitting in your head that’s watching your behavior and then deciding how you feel. So according to that theory, it’s absolutely crucial that you behave in sort of certain ways, because it really does influence how you literally see yourself. There is a profound debate within the consciousness movement about why it might work. 

What we do know is across very many different domains, you see the same effect again and again and again, and so in fact actually one of the most controversial illustrations of it, but still one which I think [inaudible 00:45:08.3] merit is the power posing, which is Amy Cuddy’s work, where you stand in some ways and you feel more powerful and so on. Now, there’s a lot of debate about that particular brand work, but still the fundamental principle there, which is your actions dictate how you and think, I think is sound. 

[0:45:28.3] MB: Tell me a little bit about specifically, how does the as if principle apply in the context of things like phobias, anxiety, or depression? 

[0:45:37.2] RW: Well, if we take the last of those, depression, it's a very effective way of getting people out of depression, which is that you get to behave as if they're not depressed. If you get [inaudible 0:45:46.7] depressed people to be far more active, to do things like gardening, to be more involved in exercise and so on, it alleviates the depression reasonably rapidly. The same with phobias, where if you're scared of whatever it is, a spider, if you slowly bring a spider toward someone, you get them to behave as if they are not afraid, i.e., they relax and calm down, it gets rid of the phobia very quickly. 

It's a very simple idea, but it sits throughout the entire history of psychology and all these different domains which actually hadn't ever been pulled together before. So that book is talking or reviewing areas which actually within the academic psychology would normally be seen as quite separate and populated by academics that don't normally talk to one another across those areas. 

[0:46:34.8] MB: You have kind of a specific, kind of concrete example of how somebody could apply the as if principle to happiness, for example. Just thinking about if I want to be happier, what sort of things would I do if I were happier that make sense?

[0:46:51.0] RW: Yeah. Well, happiness is the easiest one, because you think, “Well, how do I behave when I’m happy?” Maybe you sing and maybe you dance and maybe you smile and maybe you talk to other people and maybe you go out for the evening to a party. Well, do all those things. Do all those things and you will feel happier. 

The problem is motivating yourself to do that, but once you do these things, you’ll feel happier. So all you say, “How do I behave when I think and feel like that? Okay, I'll force myself to do that,” and the effect is very, very fast. So you feel those effects within about 30, 40 seconds. They’re some of the fastest moving effects in psychology. It's simple stuff, but for some reason it’s not something that often comes up on people's kind of common sense radar until the start to think about it. 

[0:47:38.4] MB: Dow do we regenerate the willpower, the motivation to actually take those actions, especially, I feel like it’s hardest to do that when you're in a negative state. 

[0:47:49.0] RW: It is hard, but it’s not that hard. I think singing if you’re on your own, singing a song, dancing around, whatever, they’re not that difficult things to do. It’s not like some huge happiness intervention where you need to think about your explanatory style or whether you’ve just supplied it, but It is just having a good time. I think that's very important. 

It's also in terms of explaining in a way your internal states, and so if you're either nervous before a talk and you can feel these butterflies in your stomach, you can re-label those. You can say, “Well, I’m not nervous. I'm acting as if I'm excited, and that re-labeling then changes how you see yourself and you go, “Well, I’m excited to give this talk. Let me get up there and start.” Not, “I'm nervous. I don’t really want to go up there and start.” It can also apply to how do you label and perceive internal states. 

[0:48:42.1] MB: Labeling could also be kind of a powerful component of acting as if you were happy or confident or excited, etc. 

[0:48:50.7] RW: That's right. If you see your own behavior in a different way and in a more positive way, then that, again, changes how you think of and feel. It’s a curious one, because the principle, the theory, links together all these different ideas in psychology and it's, for me, why the book was interesting to do, because it goes right across motivation and persuasion. So if you're trying to get someone to do something and you stop paying them more and more money, their motivation drops. The reason being, well, what sort of tasks you need to pay me to do a task that I really don't like. So when you stop making [inaudible 0:49:29.8] behave as if I don't like this task by giving me more and more money to do it, you see my motivation drop. It starts to explain these kind of counterintuitive findings that you see in psychology. 

[0:49:41.4] MB: What would be one piece of homework you would give our listeners to concretely implement some of the ideas and strategies that we’ve talked about today?

[0:49:50.3] RW: Oh my goodness! I think I see picking up on what you’re saying, the eulogy I think is good. I would say probably the best thing that comes out of 59 in terms of excess is the pre-mortem, the idea that before any — You convince yourself, that project has been an utter disaster, and you try and figure out why it failed so badly. It's one of the most effective ways of finding our problems with a scheme before that scheme starts, because otherwise you get this huge rose-tinted view, you're convinced it's going to be great and you don't take the necessary precautionary steps. I think the pre-mortem is very helpful.

[0:50:26.8] MB: And where listeners go if they want to find you, your books and all these resources online?

[0:50:32.4] RW: Richardwiseman.com is my websites and the links off there will take you to my YouTube channel, which is In 59 Seconds, which has all these tips and hints there in minutes. Then, obviously, there’s the books. We’ve spoken about Luck Factor and 59 Seconds, as if principle [inaudible 0:50:52.1] sleeping and dreaming and a book called Night School. This is all out there and it’s lovely when people read that material and feedback, and so if people have supported that work over the years, my thanks and gratitude to them. 

[0:51:04.1] MB: Richard, thank you so much for coming on the show and sharing all these wisdom, so many different strategies and concrete evidence-based things for people to implement their lives. It's been an honor to have you on here. 

[0:51:14.2] RW: Thank you very much. Thank you for the opportunity. 

[0:51:16.3] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created the show to help you, our listeners, master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story or just say hi, shoot me an email. My email is matt@successpodcast.com. That's matt@successpodcast.com. I'd love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener email. 

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Thanks again, and we'll see you on the next episode of the Science of Success.


January 25, 2018 /Lace Gilger
Mind Expansion

The Real Strategies Top Achievers Use To Create Results with Jeff Haden

January 18, 2018 by Lace Gilger in Focus & Productivity

In this episode we discuss the habits of high achievers, the motivation myth, dig deep into habits, routines, and strategies you can use to achieve more in less time, balancing hustle and hard work vs recovery and much more with our guest Jeff Haden. 

Jeff is a contributing editor for Inc.com, author, and ghostwriter. Jeff has ghostwritten nearly 40 non-fiction books including four amazon best sellers. He is the author of the upcoming book The Motivation Myth: How High Achievers Really Set Themselves Up To Win and his articles for Inc.com were read by over 20 million people in 2016 alone.

  • How Jeff achieved his dream and realized it wasn't nearly as exciting as he thought it would be

  • Top achievers don't have special sauce - its hard work and hustle that gets them there

  • In interviewing and studying top achievers and the lessons from studying them

  • The power of process and the power of routine

  • Map out and create a blueprint of what you want to do

  • The power of doing the right things every day without fail

  • How do we find out what the right things to do are?

  • Find someone who has achieved what you want to do, look at what they did to get there, create a blueprint based off of that and execute it

  • You don't need to reinvent the wheel

  • The hard part is actually what gets you to where you want to be

  • Motivation comes from action and progress - not the other way around

  • Your muse comes from action, you get ideas from doing things, you get inspiration from getting out there and getting started

  • 2 quick and easy tricks to be as productive as possible every day

  • A fantastic daily productivity strategy you can implement right away

  • Setting your daily MIT every week to avoid decision fatigue and make high leverage choices every week

  • "I can’t” vs “I don’t” and what research reveals about using one phrase vs the other

  • The benefits of working out in the morning

  • How to generate energy in the afternoon with small rest periods

  • How do you balance hard work and hustle with recovery?

  • High leverage thinking, focusing questions, and avoiding busywork

  • The “breaking a sweat” principle - starting with the smallest thing possible

  • How do you deal with big, far off goals? “the distance between here and there”

  • How Jeff did 100,000 pushups in a year

  • Set big goals, but focus on the routine/process every single day to execute

  • How talking about your intentions and big goals can actually prevent you from achieving them

  • How Jeff want from being a factory manager to a prolific writer, writing more than 40 books and countless articles

  • Jeff’s daily writing habit and how he developed it

  • Break down into parts, and execute each of those component parts by day

  • The power of being an “and” instead of being hyper focused

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SHOW NOTES, LINKS, & RESEARCH

[Book] High Performance Habits: How Extraordinary People Become That Way by Brendon Burchard
[Book] The Motivation Myth: How High Achievers Really Set Themselves Up to Win by Jeff Haden
[Inc. Author Page] Jeff Haden
[SoS Episode] The Psychology Secrets of Extreme Athletes, NFL Teams & The World’s Top Performers with Dr. Michael Gervais
[SoS Episode] Break Your Phone Addiction (& Your Other Bad Habits) With Charles Duhigg

Episode Transcript

[00:00:06.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.
[0:00:12.1] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success, the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the Internet with more than a million downloads and listeners in over 100 countries.
In this episode, we discussed the habits of high achievers. Talk about the motivation myth. Dig into the habits, routines and strategies you can use to achieve more in less time. We talk about balancing hostile and hard work versus recovery and much more with our guest, Jeff Hated. 
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Next, you’re going to get a curated weekly email from us every single Monday called mindset Monday. Listeners have been absolutely loving this email. It’s short, simple, filled with evidence-based strategies, articles, TED Talks and more that we found interesting in the last week. Lastly, you're going to get an exclusive chance to shape the show, vote on guests, submit your own questions to our guests, change our intro music and much, much more. So be sure to go to successpodcast.com, sign up to join the email list right on the homepage, or if you're driving around, if you're out and about, if you're on the go right now, just text the word “smarter”. That's S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44222. That “smarter” to 44222.
In our previous episode, we explored the motion and facial expression in depth with one of the world's top experts, the psychologists who pioneered much of the work in this field, Dr. Paul Ekman. We discussed the 6 to 7 major universal emotions. How emotional reactions are unchanged across cultures, ages, even species. We talk about micro-expressions, reading people's faces, how to manage and control your own emotions and much, much more. If you want to learn more about emotion, listen to that episode. 
Before we get started today with Jeff, I just wanted to throw out one little thing. We did have a few challenges with the audio quality on Jeff's end and I wanted to give you a heads up about that. We've done the best we could in editing and postproduction to clean it up, but that audio was a little bit rough. I just wanted to give everybody a heads up. We still thought the episode had enough value that we wanted to share the lessons that Jeff brought to us in that episode. 
Here's the show today. 
[0:02:47.3] MB: Today, we have another exciting guest on the show. Jeff Haden. Jeff is a contributing editor for Inc.com author and a ghostwriter. He's ghostwritten nearly 40 nonfiction books including four Amazon bestsellers and he’s the author of the upcoming book; The Motivation Myth: How High Achievers Really Set Themselves Up to Win, and his articles on inc.com alone were read by more than 20 million people in 2016. Jeff, welcome to the Science of Success. 
[0:03:13.8] JH: Thank you. I’m excited to be here. One of my favorite things to do is talk to people that are smarter than me, so I'm going to be in hog heaven today.
[0:03:21.2] MB: You’re very kind. Well, Jeff I love you — For listeners who might not be familiar with you, I’d love to start out and hear a little bit about kind of your background and your story and kind of what brought you into the world of personal development. 
[0:03:33.1] JH: Wow! This will be really brief, because I'm a pretty boring guy. I worked in manufacturing for about 20 years and worked my way up to where I was running a plant. I thought that was my dream, and it was my dream for a long time, and I got there. Like many dreams, once you're there, you realize that it's not nearly as exciting as you hoped it would be, and it doesn't become your lifelong ambition. Actually my wife talked to me into trying to do something else and I started writing, and I was really, really poor at it at first and had no audience and had very limited success, but I plugged away and just kept working, which in all the successful people that I talked to when I write for Inc., that is the way they succeed. They’re not incredibly talented. They don’t have some flash of special something. They’re the people that I work and outthink and out-hustle other people. So that's what I tried to do. 
In the process of that, I guess the best way to put this is in the process of talking to people who've achieved really big things. I got really interested in how they do that, and that's where my interest in personal development really came from. I think everybody’s interested in personal development, but I really got into it because it was fascinating to see people who had done these things and to realize that it wasn't, again, this special something. It was what they did, not who they were. It was what they did.
[0:04:54.3] MB: I think that’s a critical point, and this idea that top achievers don’t necessarily have some kind of super special sauce, but really, it's about the actions that they take and what they do as supposed to who they are or where they started. 
[0:05:08.4] JH: Yeah. I’ve met a few that have egos big enough to think that they were just born that way. The vast majority say, “Well, I worked really, really hard and I got lucky,” and I think the luck part is overstated and work hard part and work smart part is understated, but that's really the key. 
[0:05:27.2] MB: What are some of the other kind of common themes you’ve seen from interviewing ghostwriting for and studying and working with so many top achievers?
[0:05:35.7] JH: The biggest one to me is the power of process or the power of routine. People that achieve really big things set out to do so by figuring out what it will take to get there and mapping that out and creating a blueprint and then following that blueprint every day, which is what led me to my whole motivation [inaudible 0:05:56.4], which I'm sure we’ll talk about at some point. But it’s the power of doing the right things every day without fail, which is not always easy to do, but if you do that, success may not be guaranteed, but it's really close and you'll probably get to at least 90% or 95% of whatever it is you wanted to do.
[0:06:16.0] MB: How do we determine what the right thing to do are? 
[0:06:20.3] JH: My favorite — It is actually a chapter in the book that’s called do what the pros do. I think what a lot of us like to do, we all think we’re individuals. It’s like that Monty Python thing where we’re all individuals and the one guy says, “I’m not.” We all think we’re individuals, and so we all have to have this special process or special routine or special approach that is just our own because we are so unique, and actually we’re not, and I know I'm not. So if you look around and find someone who has done whatever it is you want to do, and it could be personal, it could be fitness, it could be business, it could be whatever you want it to be and really look at what they did to get there and create a blueprint based on that and say, “If it was good enough for them, it's good enough for me.”
Too many people try to reinvent a perfectly good wheel and there are all kinds of good wheels out there. Pick one and start and followed, and if it is hard, that’s okay, because the hard part is what actually gets you where you want to be. Then later on down the road as you get good at whatever it is you're doing, you can start to adapt some of that stuff to who you actually are. I have a couple examples of that, but there's no reason to wait until you figured out this perfect process for yourself when there are all kinds of awesome processes out — 
[0:07:40.3] MB: Yeah. That's one of my favorite mental models, the idea of studying what others have done to achieve the goals you want to achieve and then working the process and doing exactly what they’ve done. Many of the things that I've achieved in life are direct result of doing exactly that, studying closely people who have achieved what I want and then trying to emulate and do exactly what they did or follow the process that they did and not spending a bunch of mental energy on reinventing the wheel, but really just trying to cultivate a process based on what has worked for others.
[0:08:10.5] JH: Yeah, a good example of this, and it's a personal thing, but some years ago I was way out of shape and I couldn't run because my knees are terrible and I'm old, but I needed something cardio related. Somebody recommended that I try cycling, and I thought, “Okay. I can try that.” But I hated, hated the idea of it. Hated a bike, hated riding a bike. I went riding the first time and thought it was like hot death. Just hated it. 
What I did was I found a local guy, a mountain biker, Jeremiah Bishop. He’s a professional cyclist and has been for about 20 years and he’s won national championships and all sorts of stuff. I just sat down with him and said, “I want to ride your Gran Fondo. It’s like 110 miles, 4 mountains, 11,000 feet of climbing. It’s just a disastrous thing. I said, “If you were me and you had four months to get ready, what would you do?” and he laid it out for me. The first day, I had to go riding for like two hours, and it was awful and I thought I would die, but I stuck with it, and within a few weeks I felt stronger, I was fitter, I was in better shape. I saw that there was light at the end of that tunnel, and so I just followed his plan. Was it perfect? No, because — But halfway through we realize that I don't respond well to lots of recovery time. I'm better if I do things every day. So we quit building in rest periods, and I did well with that, but I still followed his plan. That idea that we’re unique and we have to find that special something. I think that holds a lot of people back because it causes you to wait, and really success starts with action. 
[0:09:56.6] MB: To me, that's one of the central ideas of achieving results, this idea that many people get confused and think that you would need to be motivated to start taking action, but in many ways it’s actually the reverse that just starting taking action, getting started, making a little bit of progress is really what ultimately creates motivation. 
[0:10:18.2] JH: What happens as we read stories of people who, when they were like five years old, figured out their life's purpose, and that's what they became and we assume that that has to be how it works for us. I don't know anybody like that. I know there are people out there like that, but I don't personally know anyone like that. So waiting for that burst of inspiration that will help you find your passion and will give you all that motivation you need to carry on through the obstacles and the roadblocks and blah-blah-blah, then that means you wait forever. I think it actually works in reverse. I think success, even a really small success, creates — It makes you feel good about yourself. That gives you motivation, and then that causes you to be willing the next day to try again, which leads to success, which leads to motivation, which leads to trying again. 
So I think the motivation actually comes from the action and the small bits of success, not from this lightning bolt that you get upfront, and the cool thing about it is that lightning bolt will always wear off no matter who you are, but if every day you're doing the right things and if nothing else you're feeling good about the fact that today you accomplished what you set out to accomplish, even if it doesn't make you feel like you're getting any better. If you did what you said you were going to do, that feels good. If you think about days when you finally sit back after your day is over and feel like, “Wow! I had a really good day.” It doesn't mean that you bought a new car, got a new house, got a promotion, got all that stuff. That's nice, but usually what makes us feel good is, “Hey, I had stuff I wanted to do today and I didn't. I worked hard. I did what I wanted to do. I feel good about that,” and that carries over into the next day. To me, motivation comes from action, not from inspiration. 
[0:12:03.5] MB: I think many people fall into the trap of sitting around waiting for inspiration to strike, and they end up wasting a tremendous amount of time. I think your example is a great one, because in maybe a business context, it's easier to think about, “Okay. Action creates motivation,” but for someone who's an incredibly prolific writer. You’ve written almost 40 books. In a creative sphere, people think, OH! I have to wait for my muse to strike,” but it doesn't seem like that's necessarily the case. 
[0:12:32.6] JH: No. I think your muse comes from the action. You get ideas from doing things. You get inspiration from actually trying things. I’d never had the blank piece of paper or blank screen syndrome, because every day I get up and my job is to write and I know that. So I have a plan. I know what I'm going to start with and I kind of roll on. Actually, that’s one of my favorite tips for being productive all day, and I’ll give you two really quick. One is the idea that the night before you decide, “What is my most important thing I need to do tomorrow? What matters most?” Set that up the night before so that when you get up and you get to your office or wherever it is you work, that everything is ready for you to do that. You don't do other stuff.  You don't check your email. Nothing. That is what you're going to do, and you knock that out, and when you're done, then you can do your other stuff. But by completing what was really important, you get that motivation to work hard the rest of the day and it builds momentum for the rest of the day, because you achieved what you set out to achieve. You feel good about yourself. That's motivating, and that will create the momentum. For me, that creates this really cool cycle of, “Hey, I did that. that was great. Now I’m going to do this. I did that. That was great.” That’s ease your way into the day thing. I guess it works for some people, but I don't know anybody that's really successful that does that. 
It's more of a, “Let me do something right away that makes me feel good about myself.” Not in a happy way, but in a success and achievement way. That'll make you feel good and that will give you the motivation to keep going. That is my favorite tip to give people who say they have a hard time getting known. 
[0:14:15.6] MB: Yeah. To me, the idea of setting out kind of your most important task the night before is one of the cornerstone productivity strategies that I implement my own life as well. I even will basically set out on Sunday. I’ll kind of do an audit of my previous week and then I'll put together, basically, one to two what I just call MIT's or most important tasks for every day of the week. I’ll set out, “All right. This is Monday MIT. This is my Tuesday MIT,” and the idea, basically, as soon as I start working, before I get sucked into email and all these other busywork and everything else, that I execute those things, basically first thing in the morning. 
The goal of that kind of Sunday review process is to figure out, “Okay. What of the big levers that I can pull? What are the big rocks that I need to move? What are the few things that I can really execute on that are going to make the biggest difference in my business and sort of progressing towards my goals?” 
To me, even if I do nothing that entire week except for execute those four, five most important tasks, that keeps the ball rolling forward and keeps creating the most amount of results possible despite distraction and lack of productivity and busywork and everything else.
[0:15:26.2] JH: That's a really good point and it leads to — It’s kind of like the same thing as the environmental architecture that people use sometimes to eliminate choices so that they do the things that they want to do. What you’re doing on Sunday night is you’re actually eliminating choices during the week about what you might decide to do, because you know what you need to do. You don't have to sit there and think about it. You don't have to decide, “Hmm. Is this more important? Is that more important?” In that moment, which is in the moment is usually when we make the wrong decision, and so you're creating a system where these are the things you’re going to do and you don't even have to think about it. Just like the guy that brings his lunch to work every day and it's a healthy lunch. He doesn't have to decide what he’s going to eat. He does not choose to make a healthier choice and drain a little bit of that willpower. It’s just what you do, and that's your system. 
When you have something like that that is just what you do, it’s really, really easy to follow. It kind of fits into this — There's research around two sets of words. I can't and I don't, and this may get boring, so stop me if it does Researchers tried to experiment where they wanted someone to start or a group of people to start a new habit, a new program. So they each were — Different sets of them were given different things that they would say. Some of them would say, “I can't do this, because I'm trying to do that.” Others said, “I don't do this,” and then another group didn't have any strategy to use at all.
What's funny about it is that 8 out of the 10 people that said I don't actually stuck to the program. One out of 10 said that said I can't stuck to the program, and the people that didn't have a strategy at all, 3 out of 10 of them actually stuck to it. So saying I can’t is actually worse than having no strategy at all, and the theory behind it is if you say I don't, you're identifying with whatever that is. So it fits I don't miss workouts or I don't, let’s say, fail to follow up with people. Whatever it might be, if that's who you are, then it’s not a choice. It's just what you do. If it's I can’t, you're opening yourself up to, “Hmm, I do have a choice.” So I can't have the bowl of ice cream, but you know what? I think I will, because it's okay right now, and you come up with some kind of rationale for why that works. 
In a long-winded way, that goes back to that whole choice architecture of if you layout your most important tasks and you decide them when you have time to reflect and it's not momentary decision, you're much more likely to accomplish them because you're not making choices anymore. 
[0:17:59.2] MB: Yeah, I think that's great, and we love research examples on the show, so I appreciate you kind of bringing that example in as well. 
[0:18:07.2] JH: I have another one then for early in the morning. I talked about I have like my most important thing to do. Some days though I choose to get up and work out first. Again, that's a choice and it’s part of my program. There are a whole bunch of reasons for that. If you're into intermittent fasting, it’s the perfect time to work out. If you have a busy day, it is hard for you to get to the gym in the evening. It's the perfect time to work out, because you can always get up early, but there is research that shows that working out first thing, and I we’re not talking hard. You can do 20 minutes of like moderate cardio, which is getting your heart rate to about, say, 110 beats a minute, which is not super high. If you do 20 minutes of that, you actually improve your mood for like the next 12 hours of the day.
So if you want to feel better and feel a little more like upbeat, not just physically, but emotionally, if you do that first thing in the morning, that kicks off the rest of your day. Whereas if you work out at night, you’re going to go to bed in a few hours, so you lose some of that 12 hours that you could've taken advantage of. 
The key to doing that though is if you work out, and even if you work out hard, you have to have a process that says, “Okay. I’m going to do that. I’m going to take my shower. I’m going to eat,” or whatever it is, “and I'm going to roll right into whatever is my most important task.” if you workout and then say, “Oh, wow! That was tough. I better lay back for a while.” You’ve lost all that momentum that you filled by getting something done right away and you don't get that cool little virtuous flywheel of success, equals motivation, equals success, equals motivation. Working out first thing is an awesome way to start your day both physiologically, but also emotionally, but you have to create a routine that allows you to go right from that to other things that will also keep you rolling. 
[0:19:54.6] MB: I agree. I’m a huge proponent of morning workouts as well, but you're right. The critical point is you have to be able to transition from that work out right into that sort of MIT, most important task, before you get sucked into the whirlwind of emails and phone calls and all of these incessant kind of nonsense that can end up destructing you from the really high leverage activities. 
[0:20:18.6] JH: That leads to an interesting point about that whole rolling into the next thing. There's a book that’s out, it’s fairly recent. It’s called High Performance Habits. It’s by Brendon Burchard, and he studied hundreds of people that have net worths of way more than mine, very successful people, and he looked at how they sustained their energy throughout the day, because the average person, about 2 or 3:00, if you’ve been working pretty hard,  you're starting to tail off, and there are tons of strategies out there for people that say, “Hey, you’re going to tail off.” Do stuff that doesn’t require creativity later in the day, and he found that the high-performing people didn't approach it that way. They thought they could sustain energy all through the day, but what they did is they found recharge moments between activities. 
If you're in a meeting, if it takes 45 minutes and you’ve got 10 minutes until your next meeting starts, most people will use that time to like catch up on emails or take your phone call or do that other stuff that drains more energy. The high-performance people said, “I'll deal with that stuff later. For the next 10 minutes, I'm going to recharge so that I am back in the right frame of mind and I have the right energy for whatever my task is next.” For some of them, it was meditating. Others was a snack. Some took a walk, but they had something that allowed them to actually generate energy from that intermittent period rather than draining more of it away. He's got guys and women that do 12, 14-hour days and end the day really strong, because they are constantly recharging during those little bursts. 
Back to your original point, that's what that morning is for. You get up, you workout. You get the benefits of that, but then you leverage that right into something else that keeps you rolling and not that causes you to just sort of sit back, because if it’s me, if I start that day slow, my whole day is slow. I don't have the oomph to go from vegging for an hour to then converting to high-energy the rest of the day. I have to start strong. 
[0:22:25.1] MB: That kind of balance between stress and recovery is something that a lot of people at the top of the performance psychology field really think about and write about. People like Josh Waitzkin, who’s one of my all-time favorite sort of performance psychology expert, or Michael Gervais, we’ve interviewed on the show in the past, talk about these ideas of having these undulating periods between stress and recovery and how vital recovery is to peak performance. 
[0:22:52.0] JH: Yeah. It’s the same with like — If you workout — You’re familiar with interval training. It’s the same principle there, where you do a burst. You have a small recovery period. You do another burst, and over time that actually makes you fitter than the person who just grinds it out, and I think with high-performing people, the ability to go in those intervals and to do a burst and a recovery and a burst and recovery is what makes them have greater stamina period, which leads to [inaudible 0:23:22.6]. I mean not stamina, just physically, but mentally and decision-making and everything. That leads them then to be able to do that over longer periods of time without feeling like they've gotten so drained that they need a break or they need a vacation right away or they just have to stop. The antidote I think to burnout is not to work less, but to create more chances to recharge. 
[0:23:45.4] MB: How do you think about balancing the kind of notion and the idea of sort of hustle and hard work and he who works hardest the longest wins, versus the importance of kind of stress and recovery and having these recovery periods. What's the right balance between those two things?
[0:24:08.7] JH: If we knew that, we do it. I think that that starts with — That hard-work and hustle, there are plenty of people that work hard, but they're not necessarily working hard at the right things. So I think that it's a little bit like your Sunday night routine where you step back and say, “Okay. What are the right things that I need to do this week?” and you're going to work really hard at them, but you're going to identify those. 
I know a lot of people that start businesses that they work endless amounts of hours, but a lot of what they're doing doesn't generate revenue, doesn't create new customers, doesn't create efficiency. It's just work, and there is a difference between the right things and just working. That I think is the place to start. 
Like for me, some years ago, I like I got pretty busy and I don't have a staff and I was writing a lot of books and writing all kinds of stuff and I got tied up with lots of things that were ancillary to that, and I finally one day kind of step back and say, “Okay. Where do I create my value? I create value by writing, and all the other stuff is interesting in its busywork, but it doesn't actually generate any revenue and it doesn't create value, so I stripped away a bunch of it and I've farmed out the little bit that was left. 
I think that's the first place to start is what are the right things and what leads to success in a predictable way. Then I think you have to kind of take a step back and say, “Okay. What supports that?” For me, fitness helps support what I do and I enjoy it. So I could do that. Clearly family and all the other things around also do that as well. I think if you focus on the right things and do those, you can free up some time that allows you to do to recharge things, but there is no one-size-fits-all clearly. What do you think?
[0:25:52.4] MB: I think it comes down to, kind of as you said, one of the most important things, and this harkens back to sort of the Sunday ritual and all these other pieces of the puzzle that we've been talking about. But it's all about what I call high leverage thinking, which is basically the idea of identifying the leverage points of where it's worth to invest your time and where you should be outsourcing, delegating, etc., and constantly asking yourself that question, “Do I need to do this? How can I outsource or delegate this to someone else? What are the really key things that I personally need to be focusing my time on?” 
I think if you can master that, then it's almost a recursive process where you keep applying the same set of questions to whatever current sort of set of problems you have are, and every time you apply this set of questions, you weed out some tasks, you delegate some tasks, etc., and then you do that again and again and again and you keep getting more and more leverage as you apply that. 
[0:26:49.6] JH: That set of question things is interesting and there's — In the book I write about Herb Kelleher, he’s the CEO of Southwest Airlines, and he makes dozens, if not hundreds of decisions today, but basically he applies the same framework to each one of those questions. Will this make Southwest Airlines the low-cost provider? Does that in any way help us be the low-cost provider? If it does, then he'll look at it, and maybe it's a yes. If it doesn't, then it becomes a no. I think that's important for people to do, not to be the low-cost provider, but to figure out what is it that you want to be. If you're an entrepreneur, will this help my business grow? If it's yes, yeah look at it. If it isn't, then it's a no. If you’re trying to get fitter, will this make me fitter? Will this help me be whatever it is I'm trying to become? If it will, cool. If it doesn't, well, then you can set that aside. 
If you just apply that one question too pretty much anything that comes up during your day, it actually strips away a lot of that fluff and get you to the core of what you're really trying to do. 
[0:27:55.0] MB: Circling back to kind of the idea we’re talking about a little bit earlier and just another thing made me think of, when I think about action, creating motivation, one of the pieces that really seems effective for me, it's not just even about — I think the MITs and the daily — Kind of executing those high-leverage tasks every day is critical and I think that's how you make the big moves and the big changes in your business and in your life, but I think to get the motivation even sometimes to get into sort of a productivity mindset, sometimes for me the smallest little things make a big difference, and that's — I think of a couple days ago, I just had a stack of mail that have been sitting on my desk and I was kind of listless and not really doing anything and I just went through the mail. I like kind of answered a couple of the letters. I wrote a check and like put it in an envelope, mailed it. Started doing all these stuff, and then like an hour and a half later I had like done all of these things and it all started with that really simple act of just cleaning up that pile of mail that had been sitting there. Sometimes just cleaning off your desk or just organizing something, those little tiny wins in many cases kind of snowball into a productivity burst that will last, in many cases, for a couple hours. 
[0:29:11.6] MB: To me, strikes me — I kind of characterize that as that breaking a sweat principal, where if you're thinking about — Like when I was cycling a lot, sometimes I would have to go on like five-hour rides or something and I would — Ahead of time you’re just dreading the crap out of it. Don't want to go. Don't want to do it, but if you can just get started and break that first swat, then all that stuff goes away and then you're engaged and then you’re rolling. 
for you to pick up that first piece of mail, that's all you really needed to kind of get past the hump, but sometimes it's really hard to think about starting, and I think that's because the distance between “here and there” is so great. If you're — I don’t know. Let's go bigger. If you're trying to — Say you want to run a marathon, but you're not a runner. If you go out and run a mile today and that was hard and you’ve let yourself think about the fact that someday you have to run 26, the distance between here and there is massive and it is demotivating and depressing and you will probably stop. If all you decided was, “Hey, I’m going to run on mile today. That's my goal. That’s my routine, and if I run that mile, I get to feel good about myself, because I did what I was supposed to do.” That carries you on to the next day. 
For you, you pick up the one. You do something with it. You throw it away or you put it in the mail. That's cool. Let me do the next and the next, and so you just focus on what's next and suddenly you get your really big places. That's the power of numbers to me where you create a routine that just allows you to accumulate numbers, then you can get to a really cool place at the other end. 
Last year, like I did 100,000 push-ups, that was something I decided I would do, and I broke it down into 374 a day. If on January 1 I had thought about the fact I had to do 100,000. It would've been hot death, but all I had to do is 374, and I can do 374. By the end of the year, I've done 100,000, which is a meaningless accomplishment other than that it proved to me that if you put your head down and do the work, you can eventually pop up and look around and say, “Wow! I did something really cool.”
[0:31:25.7] MB: I think that's great, and that is kind of the next topic I wanted to dive into, which is you’ve written and talked a lot about this, the power of process and routine and how that — You touched on this kind of at the opening of the conversation, but how these routines in many cases are really kind of the secrets that’s underpinned successful achievers.
[0:31:45.6] JH: I think a routine — When you first start to do something. Let's say you get promoted and you’re a supervisor. Okay, you’ve got the title. Maybe you’ve got the clipboards. You’ve got all the stuff. So you’re a supervisor, but that doesn't mean you're a leader. People who are leaders have actually motivated people, inspired people, developed people, trained people, brought groups, helped people achieve things. There’s all that stuff that goes into being a leader, and by having your routine that allows you to do that, at some point you don't look at yourself as a supervisor anymore. You look at yourself as a leader. 
In the fitness world, if you start out trying to run a marathon. Well, you're somebody that’s trying to run a marathon. Somewhere down the road though, you become runner, and that becomes this intrinsic thing that allows you to shape how you see the world and how you see yourself, which is a very motivating thing. When you feel like you’re runner, it’s much easier to go running. When you feel like you're a leader, it's much easier to walk into that room and try to inspire the people that work for you. That routine takes you to really cool places, which I know is not the question that you asked me, but the power of routine is that it allows you to start to see yourself differently, and when you see yourself differently, that informs your actions and makes what you do much, much easier. If you're a parent, you don't have to motivate yourself to take care of your kids. You're a parent. You take care of that. So you can use that power of routine to help you become other things, which will then make it really, really easy to do things that you need to do, because that's who you are. 
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Now back to the show. 
[0:34:40.5] MB: How do you — For somebody who's thinking about kind of this daunting task or goal, let’s say the hundred thousand push-ups. How do you divorce that end goal from the kind of day-to-day activity so that you stay motivated?
[0:34:57.1] JH: That’s something that I’ve found at least by talking to incredibly successful people. They have that ultimate goal, and it's as if they set the goal, but then they forget that and they focus on all the things that it would take to get them there. So some weird little mental shift you have to make, but you really have to just say, “Yeah, that’s my end goal. That's cool. I know this is where I'm going, but what I really care about is routine and the process that will help me get to that place,” and it takes a little bit of time to adjust to, but if you give yourself three or four days, like with the push-up thing. I gave myself three to four days and I said, “No matter what, no matter how this feels, I'm at least going to get to Friday.”
By Friday, I had started to embrace the, “You know, all I really have to do is check this off on my little calendar,” and that's cool and I've done that and that feels good and I, for the most part, had forgotten about the end result, because I really was just worried about the day. That leads me — It's kind of a tangent, but it leads me to some other research that shows that people who talk about their intentions are much less likely to follow through on those intentions. 
So let's say that you planned to hike the Appalachian Trail. It’s from Georgia to Maine, runs up the Eastern Seaboard. Plenty of people have done it, but it’s like 2,200 miles, I think. Let's say you want to do that, and so you say to me, “Hey, I’m going to hike the Appalachian Trail,” and you talk about the stuff you're going to buy and you talk about the fact that you’re going to trail name, because everybody gets a nickname and they go by the nickname, not by the real name. You talk about all that stuff. Research shows that the act of just talking about that makes you much less likely to do it, because you have gotten some of the little emotional and mental kick out of imagining it that you would've actually gotten from achieving it. I’ll tell that to people and they will say, “Yeah, but I need the power peer pressure and I need to tell people my plans, because that way they can hold me to them.” That's really cool, and if you need that, that's great. Tell people what you're going to do. Tell people your routine to get there, not the actual getting there. 
So if it's preparing to hike the Appalachian Trail, tell people, “Hey, for the next month I'm going to do X, Y, and Z,” and then if they want to check in with you to make sure you’ve done the things that you need to do to prepare, that's cool, and there's your peer pressure, but not, “I plan to do X,” and then talk about it as if you've already gotten there, because that kill your motivation to actually do that stuff. It’s a little bit like the — There's other research that shows that the act of planning a vacation is almost as fun as taking the vacation. People that spend months planning vacation get all that fun and anticipation and enjoyment out of the vacation, and actually once they’ve taken it, their happiness set point goes back down to where it was before they took the vacation. It's the same thing here. Imagining yourself in a certain place or doing a certain thing, and that's fine, and yet that also makes it harder to do the thing, if doing whatever that is requires hard work and dedication and some degree of perseverance. 
[0:38:09.9] MB: Yeah, I think the principal exactly as you described it, which is this idea that just by talking about it, you're getting some of the kind of psychological and emotional rewards of dreaming about achieving it. So you're demotivating yourself in some sense. 
[0:38:26.4] JH: Absolutely. I know you’ve had Charles Duhigg on your podcast and he's obviously an expert on habits and creating habits and stuff, and one of his methods for building a new habit is you got the stimulus and you got the action, and then you have the reward, and that dreaming and thinking about a thing is a reward or maybe it's a tangible reward, like if you —We’ll use my marathon example again. If you have to go run 5 miles today and your reward the other end is you can spoil yourself. I think that reward wears off after a while, because you're used to. 
A much better reward is to — And this is what I used to do when I was cycling a lot. I would come home, get off the bike, sit in a little stool outside, drink some water and just think, “Wow! I just rode 55 miles in X amount of time. That feels awesome,” and I would just sit there and feel good about the fact of what I did, and that became my reward. I sort of had to train myself to see that as the reward, but I got to where I really look forward to that, because it was — I don’t know. It was a chance to kind of sit there quietly in yourself and say, “Huh! I did that. That was hard and I did that and that feels really good.” 
If you can create that intrinsic reward rather than, “If I go running, then I get to have a bowl of ice cream kind of reward.” That takes you to that place where you could come something and it makes it much more easy to stick with your routine, because you don't need external reward. You're getting it from inside.
[0:39:59.9] MB: I want to get specific and talk a little bit about your writing habit and your writing process. How did you develop that process and what is your kind of habit look like? Because, I mean, many people fantasize about writing kind of a single book and get overwhelmed and never even complete that task, and writing 40 books is obviously tremendously more, plus all the articles and everything else. How did you go from somebody who was a factory manager to an incredibly prolific writer and how did you develop that process and what is it look like today?
[0:40:34.5] JH: The early motivation was that I left a very good job and went to a job where if it was to be, it was up to me, and if money was going to come in, I had to produce. So that was incredibly motivating, and it cost me to work a lot of hours. 
If we talk about books, you can think, “Hey, wow!” book is, say, 300 pages, “that’s so much. I don't know how I'm going to get from here to there,” but a book is really just a series of connected ideas or connected strategies or tips or whatever, whatever it may be that takes you on a journey from A to Z and leaves you at the other end, hopefully motivated, informed, maybe a little entertained, ready to do something. At least if it's nonfiction and if it's in the how to kind of world, which is where I tend to live. It’s just a series and it’s just a lot of little chunks, and so that fits perfectly within my idea of process, because I don't have to write the whole book. If it's today, I have to write this, this and this and I know that that will then lead to other stuff and that will lead to other things that I've mapped out and I'm confident enough now that if I get to a certain place and I say, “Wow! This took a different turn. I found some research that caused me to look at this differently. I talk to someone that caused me to change my perspective on this.” Well, then I can adapt and it all becomes part of a whole, but a book is a lot of little chunks along the way. 
My goal with anything that I do, because I am the king of being afraid of the too daunting challenge, I can turn something easy into something that seems impossible really easily in my mind. So I just break it down into what do I have to do today, tomorrow, the next day? What are the pieces and parts? And let's start assembling that puzzle. Each time I get a little piece or part done, I feel good about that, because it’s like, “Okay. Got that. Got that. Connected this. Put that together,” and some day you wake up and you've got a manuscript, which I know sounds simplistic, but it really is that way. I'm all about, “Let me break this down into component parts and then let me start accomplishing the parts.” 
[0:42:46.1] MB: Do you set a quota for yourself or X-number of words per day or per week or something like that, or how do you structure that piece of it in terms of it's like the 300 push-ups a day? What is that kind of daily goal? 
[0:42:58.7] JH: I used to have daily goals. I don't anymore, because I've gotten good enough at the process part of it and the sticking with it part that I don't need like a quota to keep me going. Some days it comes easier. Some days it comes harder, and if you have a quota and you're thinking, “Well, I need 5,000 words today and I'm only 3,000 and I’ve been at this for eight hours and how am I ever going to get there?” That can cause you to give less focus or attention to stuff that she really should be working harder on. You might give short shrift to something that you should be working harder on. 
I don't really do that, and what that means is that some days — Let's pretend that 5,000 words a day is my goal. It's not, but let’s pretend. Then if I hit 3,000 today, but I know that I was doing the right things and what I created was good, then that's okay, because tomorrow I might do seven or eight, because I may really get into the flow and it may come really easily. So I don't do word count totals. When I first started, and I was mostly writing articles for other people as a ghostwriter, I did have some quotas for myself, because it was revenue-based. I knew I was going to get X-amount per article and I knew I needed X-amount of money per day, per week, per month to kind of meet the targets I had for myself. So then I definitely did break it down and say, “Okay. I need to do —” Let's pretend. “I need to do six articles a day, because that's how I'm going to hit my targets,” and so that’s what I’m going to do. If it takes me 14 hours to get there. It takes me 14 hours to get there. If it takes me six, then cool. I’m going to [inaudible 0:44:35.1] or something like that. 
I think you have to adapt that to what you're doing, but early on I think it does help to create some quotas for yourself. Otherwise you end up fluffing around and turning the right things to do into things that you think you should do or that are more fun to do that don't actually contribute to your success. 
[0:44:57.6] MB: So what would one kind of action or piece of homework be that you would give to listeners to start concretely kind of implementing some of the ideas that we’ve talked about today?
[0:45:08.5] JH: One of my favorite ones is really simple, and it's another one that's based on research. There are a number of studies and one in particular that shows that if you want to be — Let’s say you want to be happier. I think that's a goal we can all probably embrace. If you write five times a day, if you find five ways to say thank you to or to express gratitude or appreciation or to say something positive to someone that you know. It can be, “Thanks for doing this.” It can be, “Wow! You did that really well.” It could be, “You made this difference in my life.” Whatever it may be. If you do that five times a day and you do that for eight weeks, which sounds like a lot, but really shouldn't be if you think about it, then people's happiness set point, which we all have one, increased by about 50% over that 8-week period. So they felt happier simply by saying nice things, making a difference in other people's lives. That's a really cool thing and that is the power of process and that's the power of numbers, and that by doing things and accumulating numbers of those things, you can get yourself to a really cool point. I think that would be a really fun place to start, because who doesn't want to feel like they've made a positive difference in somebody else's life and who doesn't want to be a little bit happier? 
[0:46:31.1] MB: Where can listeners find you and your various works online?
[0:46:35.6] JH: The easiest place is probably inc.com. Just search my name and you will find about 1,300 articles or so. My book comes out on January 9th. It’s called Motivation Myth, and it will be on Amazon and everywhere else, and there's an audiobook version which based on my voice. You can tell they did not ask me to read. I don't think anyone wants to hear my southern nasal twang for three or four hours, and that's pretty much it. I’m easy to find. 
[0:47:04.0] MB: Jeff, thank you so much for coming on the show, sharing all these wisdom with the listeners, tons of actionable insights and valuable ideas. 
[0:47:12.8] JH: Oh, you’re welcome. Can I make one more point really quick?
[0:47:15.3] JH: Yeah, absolutely. 
[0:47:17.2] JH: This applies to you and it will clearly resonate with you I'm sure. You're doing the podcast, but then you're also at French Hospitality, so you’re an “and” with quotes around that word. You’re a person who does this and this and this, and I think there are so much information out there that says people should specialize and they should focus and they should even hyper-focus and find these really small niches within which to succeed, and I think that's true, but I also think it's true that you can be a number of different things either at the same time or you can have what I call serial achievement moments where you go and do one thing, achieve it, pick something else you're interested in, work hard, initiate that. those are both really, really cool things. If you’re person at home who is not as satisfied with the things you’ve done, want there to be more to your life, want to achieve more things, want to be more successful, however you decide to define that, because you get to define success, then just take something you're interested in and start and create a process for yourself. Look around, find one that someone else has used that will get you started, and then put your head down and do some work. 
Even if it doesn't lead to anything that makes you wildly successful, you'll learn a ton along the way. You'll have fun doing it, and it may lead you to whatever it is that you choose to do next. So my best advice is always stop talking, stop thinking, stop dreaming and just start doing, because really good things happen when you start doing. 
[0:48:56.2] MB: Great advice, Jeff. Thank you so much for adding that at the end. Once again, thank you for coming on the show. Great insight, great conversation. I really enjoyed having you on here. 
[0:49:05.9] JH: Thanks, sir. It was awesome. Thank you very much. 
[0:49:08.6] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created the show to help you, our listeners, master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story or just say hi, shoot me an email. My email is matt@success podcast.com. That's matt@successpodcast.com. I'd love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener email. 
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Remember, that the greatest compliment you can give us is a referral to a friend either live or online. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us an awesome review and subscribe in iTunes, because that helps boost the algorithm that helps us move up the iTunes rankings and helps more people discover the Science of Success. Don't forget, if you want to get all the incredible information we talked about in the show, links, transcripts, everything we discussed and much more, be sure to check out our show notes. You can get those at successpodcast.com, just at the show notes button right at the top. 
Thanks again, and we'll see you on the next episode of the Science of Success.

January 18, 2018 /Lace Gilger
Focus & Productivity

Simple Keys To Reading Anyone’s Hidden Emotions with Psychology Legend Dr. Paul Ekman

January 11, 2018 by Lace Gilger in Emotional Intelligence, Influence & Communication

In this episode we explore emotions and facial expression in depth with one of the world’s top experts - the psychologist who pioneered much of the work in this field - Dr. Paul Ekman. We discuss the 6-7 major universal emotions, how emotional reactions are unchanged across cultures, ages, and even species, we discuss micro expressions, reading people’s faces, how to manage and control your emotions, and much much more. 

Dr. Paul Ekman is best known for his work as a pioneer researching the field of emotions and how they relate to our facial expressions and as founder of the Paul Ekman Group. These studies along with many others led to Paul being named one of the top 100 most influential people in the world by Time Magazine and One of the Most Influential Psychologist of the 20th Century by the American Psychological Association. Paul has written over 14 books and 170 published articles having his work appear in Psychology Today, The New Yorker, Oprah, Larry King, and more.

  • Reading facial expressions with definitive evidence

  • There is some universality to our expressions across cultures, ages, and even species

  • Expressions are a product of evolution

  • There are 6-7 major universal emotions

  • Fear

    1. Anger

    2. Sadness

    3. Disgust

    4. Surprise

    5. Enjoyment

    6. Contempt (maybe not as robust evidence)

  • You have to avoid “Othello’s error” - you can read an emotion, but that doesn’t tell you what TRIGGERS it

  • The face, as a universal signal system, conveys a tremendous amount of information

  • There are 16 different types of enjoyment

  • How poker tells can teach us about emotional expressions and how we often read them wrong

  • We can know HOW people feel, but we cannot know what triggered how they feel

  • In one hour you can learn to read anyone's face

  • How making voluntary facial expressions can turn on and create any emotional statement

  • The hardest emotion to turn on is enjoyment

  • Emotions are memories, expectations, changes in what we think, and changes in how we can remember

  • When we are in the grip of an emotion - we most readily perceive things that fit the emotion we are experiencing and ignore things that don't

  • It’s not easy to manage your emotions, but it is possible

  • Fast onset vs slow onset emotional reactiveness

  • Fast vs slow emotional offset

  • The specific steps you can take to manage your emotions and create a gap between emotional triggers and emotional reactions

  • Diary/journal is a powerful tool for understanding and managing your emotional states

  • Record negative emotional experiences

    1. See what they have in common

    2. See if you can anticipate and prepare for negative emotions

  • Lessons from 50 hours with the Dalai Llama

  • Emotion is useful, powerful, but also can become cumbersome

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SHOW NOTES, LINKS, & RESEARCH

  • [APA Journal] Emotion

  • [Sage Journal] Emotion Review (EMR)

  • [Book] Emotions Revealed, Second Edition: Recognizing Faces and Feelings to Improve Communication and Emotional Life by Paul Ekman Ph.D

  • [Book] Emotional Awareness: Overcoming the Obstacles to Psychological Balance and Compassion by Dalai Lama and Paul Ekman Ph.D.

  • [Wiki Article] Charles Darwin

  • [Training Tools] Micro Expressions Training Tools

  • [Personal Site] Eve Ekman

  • [Personal Site] Paul Ekman

  • [Website] Atlas of Emotions

  • [Article] What Scientists Who Study Emotion Agree About by Paul Ekman

Episode Transcript

[00:00:06.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.
[0:00:11.8] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success, the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the Internet with more than a million downloads and listeners in over 100 countries.
In this episode we explore emotions and facial expressions in-depth with one of the world's top experts, the psychologist pioneered much of the work in this field, Dr. Paul Ekman. We discussed the 6 to 7 universal emotions. How emotional reactions are unchanged across cultures, ages, and even species. We examine micro-expressions, reading people's faces, talk about how to manage and control your own emotions and much, much more. 
I'm going to give you three quick reasons why you should join our email list today by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the homepage. There's some amazing stuff that's only available to our email subscribers, so be sure to sign up. First, you're going to get awesome free guide that we create based on listener demand, including our most popular guide; How to Organize and Remember Everything, which you can get completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide when you sign up and join the email list today. 
Next, you’re going to get a curated weekly email from us every single Monday called Mindset Monday. Listeners have been absolutely loving this email. It’s short, simple, filled with evidence-based strategies, articles, TED Talks and more that we found interesting in the last week. Lastly, you can get an exclusive chance to shape the show, vote on guests, submit your own questions to our guests, change our intro music and much, much more. So be sure to go to successpodcast.com, sign up to join the email list right on the homepage, or if you're driving around, if you're out and about, if you're on the go right now, just text the word “smarter”, that's S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44222. That's “smarter" to 44222. 
In our previous episode we discussed everything you ever wanted to know about sleep. We examined the findings from hundreds of studies across millions of people and pulled out the major findings about how vitally important sleep is. The global sleep loss epidemic, the stunning data about sleep and productivity, the simplest and most effective evidence-based strategies for getting better sleep, and much more, with Dr. Matthew Walker. If you want to sleep better at night, listen to that episode.
[0:02:36.7] MB: Today, we have another titan of psychology on the show, Dr. Paul Ekman. Dr. Ekman is known for his work as a pioneer in researching the field of emotions and how they relate to our facial expressions and is the founder of the Paul Ekman Group. These studies along with many others led Paul to be named one of the top 100 most influential people in the world by Time Magazine and one of the most influential psychologists of the 20th century by the American Psychology Association. He’s written over 14 books and has 170+ published articles. His work appeared in the New York Times, Psychology Today, and much much more. 
Paul, welcome to the Science of Success. 
[0:03:12.8] PE: Thank you. 
[0:03:13.7] MB: We’re very excited to have you on here today. Your work has informed tons of what we talked about on the show. So it's truly an honor to have you here. 
[0:03:21.2] PE: Oh, ready to be available. 
[0:03:23.6] MB: I’d love to start out and dig in a little bit about kind of the universality and the power of facial expressions. 
[0:03:32.4] PE: Well, when I started out more than 50 years ago, it was believed that expressions were poor source of information. Just a harbor for stereotype and misunderstandings. That has shifted from that to the belief that while there is information in the face, but it's culture specific. And what my work and the work of others has shown, and I think as definitive as evidence ever gets, is that there are some universals of expression, that our expressions are not unique to each culture and that some of our expressions you can see in great apes and chimpanzees, that these are the product of our evolution and culture does influence what triggers the expressions. Culture does influence our attempts to manage our expressions. Culture does influence how we feel about our face. But culture does not write the rules as to what muscles will be activated when fear is felt or anger or distrust. There’re actually six or seven emotions that have a universal expression on the face. 
Those are — I have to count them on my figures as I tell you; fear, anger, sadness, distrust, surprise, enjoyment, and the evidence for contempt I think is almost as good, but it's not as widely replicated. So that's a lot of information from our faces. You don't need a Berlitz book to read the face, but the mistake you have to avoid is what I call Othello’s error. Othello red just about his fear expression accurately. What he misunderstood is what triggers it. Emotions do not tell you their trigger. You could know how someone's feeling, but you don't know what triggered it. 
Often our preconceptions about what should be triggering it may be misleading as it was for Orthello. But the face has a universal signal system. Charles Darwin was not the first to point this out, but perhaps one of the most influential and famous people to point it out, and he learned that because in his five year voyage on the beagle around the world, wherever he went, he was convinced he could understand their facial expressions but not their gestures, and he was right on both counts. Gestures, things like the A-OK are terrible insult in Sicily, for example. Gestures are culture specific, mini-language. I say mini, because they don't really have a grammar. Gesture rarely will you you admit four gestures in a row linked by a particular order. Gestures are pretty much singletons. I think culture specific, unlike the expressions which are universal. 
[0:06:45.0] MB: I find it interesting that out of all of those emotions, they're all skewed towards kind of negative emotions. You have enjoyment as the one positive may be surprised, but that could also most definitely be negative.
[0:06:57.5] PE: Well, I have 16 different types of enjoyment, but they pretty much share the same facial expressions. So there isn't just one way of enjoying yourself. There are at least the 16 that I've identified, but they don't have different signals. The signal is the same. It may differ in strength or in its timing, but it’s the same signal. Why is that so? You’d have to ask a higher authority than me. I don't answer the why. I just answer the when and how questions. 
[0:07:30.3] MB: That make sense. You know it's funny circling back to the idea you talked about a second ago of Othello’s error. I'm a poker player and it makes me think of poker tells, which obviously are very kind of wound up in this. If you can see a tell that might be a strong emotional or reaction, but you don't know if it's a reaction, because they're bluffing and they're scared or they have a great hand and they're scared that it still might lose. It’s so very dangerous to read into certain reactions, because you can sort of commit that error of not understanding what's actually triggering that emotional response. 
[0:08:01.2] PE: Right. We often think it's what fits our preconception of what should be triggering it. That may not be right at all. So it's a danger. We can know how people feel, but we cannot know from their expressions what triggered it. Now, sometimes we can tell by what we just said that it led to an immediate response. Even that can sometimes be misleading. So facial expressions tell us the emotion. They don't tell us the trigger. 
[0:08:32.1] MB: I want to dig in a little bit more and hear about how kind of scientifically validated and universal the work you've done around facial expressions is. 
[0:08:43.3] PE: You would have a hard time getting any respectable scientific journal to publish new evidence on the universality of facial expressions, because it's been established in the judgment of most of the scientific community. There are a few holdouts who do not agree, but I published a paper a year or two ago called what emotion scientists agree about. I first identified how many scientists in the world consider their special area of interest to be emotion. Well, 248 as of two years ago. 
Then I surveyed them. What do you think has been established beyond reasonable doubt? Well, certainly the universality of facial expression was the opinion over 90% of emotion scientists had been established beyond reasonable doubt.
Much less about what areas of the brain are involved? Much less about the triggers. Certainly, the universality of facial expression, pretty well-established. It’s well-established as any scientific fact could be established. 
[0:09:55.5] MB: I think it's fascinating. I read somewhere that you, through the course of your work, studied more than 15,000 people and you found these conclusions across everything from — In some instances, kind of apes and nonhumans, to infants, to many different cultures as well. 
[0:10:11.2] PE: True enough. 
[0:10:12.3] MB: Tell me a little bit about specifically your trip to New Guinea. I know that was one of the most influential moments or kind of inflection points in your work and your research. 
[0:10:22.1] PE: Well, I started out by doing studies in some 16 literate cultures. Some in Asia, some in South America where I would show the photographs of a facial expression and asked them to choose of six or seven words what was the emotion being signaled, and I found a very strong evidence for similarity for universality regardless of the language or culture. But it wasn't conclusive, because all the people I was studying, whether it was in Thailand, or in Argentina, had all been subject to the same mass media influences and perhaps they had all learned expressions, the meaning of expressions from the media. Not from their evolution. 
So deal with that loophole, I had to find a culture that was visually isolated. That it had no exposure to media, no books, no magazines, no photographs, no films, no video, and if possible, no outsiders. In 1966 when I searched for such a group, there weren't many left. I knew time was running out. I had to go to the highlands of New Guinea, Papua New Guinea and hike for four days to get into a visually isolated culture where I was the first outsider that ever seen. I showed them the first photograph that I ever had seen. 
That research was the most difficult to perform, but the most important in ruling out the possibility that similarities and expression were due to learning from common media instead of being a result of our evolution as a species. 
[0:12:21.4] MB: So I think we've established that these universal expressions are evidence-based, that they’re universal, that they're detectable. You can see on people's faces whether they’re experiencing anger or fear, sadness, etc. How do we practically integrate that information into our day-to-day lives? For somebody who's listening, how can they take that science and use it in some form or fashion, practice — 
[0:12:49.2] PE: Well you’re already doing it. You don't need me. Everybody responds to people's faces. It’s a very powerful stimulus, commands attention. You don't need to go to school to learn how to interpret it. From about six months of age and on, you can get good evidence of differential response to different facial expressions of emotion, but you didn't is before my work and the work of others, is whether it was the same across cultures. Yes, it is. You don’t need the Berlitz book of facial expressions when you travel around the world. You know what triggered it and that may well be different. You know how the person feels about the emotion that they're showing that they will be different. But regardless of culture, if the person is not succeeding and interfering with their expressions, you'll see the same configuration on their face. The same expression for the same emotion regardless of culture, and that’s for six or seven emotions. 
[0:13:56.7] MB: I know one of the ways that you’ve practically kind of grounded this, and you've done a tremendous amount of work on this as well, is in detecting liars and detecting lies. Tell me a little bit more about that. 
[0:14:07.4] PE: Well, that's a specific application. We could all lie with words very easily. I was really impressed with what President Trump told me this morning about what his next plans are, and he listened to my questions. I think I said that in a very effective and meaningful way. It's a total lie. So we can with words. That’s what words are made for. They’re made for communication, but it's very easy to lie with words. Much harder to lie convincingly with your face.
I found only about 10% of thousands of people I studied who could effectively lie with their face in a way that I could detect. Now, most of us are suckers for facial expression even rather poor, faked expressions are believed. That’s because most of us don't want to know the truth. We want to know what the person wants us to know rather than how they actually feel. Do you really want to find out that your spouse is unfaithful, that your adolescent is using hard drugs? No, of course you don't. In a sense you do, but you do and you don’t. 
We are all unwittingly collaborating and being misled by rather poor facial expressions. They don't mislead me and they don't mislead the people I train on how to detect lies from facial expression. Takes about an hour to two hours to learn how to do it effectively from the face. I even have a program on the Internet the people can buy that teaches them how to spot lies from facial expression. Learning how to spot it from the sound of the voice and from the words is more complicated and there is no currently available training tool, like the one I developed for the face that's available on the internet. 
[0:16:11.0] MB: Tell me a little bit more about that. So this is a trainable skillset that somebody who has — Who’s listened to episode wants to go out and in a few hours be able to read somebody's facial expressions. How do they do that?
[0:16:22.9] PE: They go on the internet and they put in the letters M, like micro, E like a motion, T like training, and T like tea, METT, and up will come the training tool and they will pay a fee. I think it's around $50. It will take them about an hour interacting with the training tool and they’ll become very accurate in being able to spot micro-expressions. The very quick expressions that leak attempts to conceal feelings. It won't change somehow to spot false expressions. I know how to do that. I can teach people how to do that, but that's not the tool I developed. A tool I developed was just for training people to spot the micro-expressions that occur that leak concealed emotions. 
[0:17:20.9] MB: Is this something that takes continuous practice to be able to wield or is it like riding a bike, where once you’d learn this, you can continue to recognize every day and see people when maybe the twinge of sadness or anger or something kind of flashes across their face?
[0:17:35.7] PE: We did some research to find that out, and we found out that it does not decay over time. I believe the reason is that once you learn it, you use it. So you're practicing it and honing it all the time. I would like to do an experiment where I train people and then blindfolded them for the next week so they couldn’t practice and see whether they still retained it, but nobody's willing to be a subject in that research that and I'm not going to do it.
[0:18:07.9] MB: What about defending against someone you can read your kind of facial expressions? Whether that's planting false expressions or covering up your own micro-expressions. Is that something that's possible and can it be trained?
[0:18:19.6] PE: I run a training in lie catching. I don't run a school for liars. So I have not tried to train people to be better facial liars. So I don't have any evidence whether or not it's trainable. My suspicion is most people cannot learn it well enough to fool someone who's received my training in how to spot such deceptions. 
[0:18:47.4] MB: So in my poker game, I’m out of luck in terms of my ability to conceal my emotional reactions on my face?
[0:18:53.9] PE: From someone who’s been trained using my METT, my micro-expression training tool, yes. Your best bet is to wear a mask. 
[0:19:02.1] MB: Fair enough. Fair enough. So I want to now talk a little bit about how our facial expressions can actually impact our emotional state. I know you've done a lot of work about that. Tell me a little bit more. 
[0:19:14.4] PE: Well, it was a surprising finding. I didn't expect it. Those of the nicest findings. Those are discoveries. A lot of research you do is simply proof of something that you suspect or know already, but you need the evidence for. Then there is discovery research, where you didn’t know what you’re going to find, and you find something you didn't expect. Td that so about the fact, which I think it's pretty well-established at this point, scientifically. That by voluntarily making one of the universal facial expressions, you generate the changes in the body and in the brain which occur without emotion is evoked more naturally. 
You can turn on any emotion if you could make the face. The hardest one to turn on paradoxically is enjoyment, and the reason is that one of the two muscles you have to move, the muscle that orbits the eye. Only about 10% of people could do voluntarily. The muscles movements for anger, fear, sadness, discussed and surprised, everybody, nearly everybody can do, and so they could turn those emotions on if they want to. The muscles for enjoyment, everybody can do one of them, the one the pulls your lip corners up, but only about 10% of people can, at the same time, contract the muscle that orbits the outer part of their eye muscle. 
[0:20:50.2] MB: Tell me a little bit more about that muscular movement. Is that kind of widening your eyes or what exactly is it? 
[0:20:56.1] PE: There are two muscles that orbit your eye. The inner one is a fairly close circle. If you drew a circle right over your — Or above your upper eyelid, down about a half inch below your lower eyelid, that's the inner or virtual orbital muscle, which we call muscle six — I’m sorry. Muscle 7. There is a larger one, and everybody can do that. You squint, you do that. There is a larger one around that that goes above your eyebrow, around the top part of your cheek, and only about 10% of us can voluntarily contract that muscle. Unless you contract that muscle at the same time you contract the muscle that pulls your lip corners, you won't be able to turn on enjoying them. We’ll have to do something enjoyable to turn it on, not by contracting the muscles. 
[0:21:57.9] MB: I'm sitting here right now trying to contort my face to see whether or not I'm capable of doing that. Is it possible through muscular training or other activities to learn to turn enjoyment on like that?
[0:22:08.0] PE: Yeah, we could train people to do it, but I haven't spent much time doing it. It's tedious to do and it would be a much more difficult task to develop an online training tool to do that. So I run a set of techniques for lie catchers, not for liars. 
[0:22:29.7] MB: That make sense. That makes sense. So I know that that discovery led your work into looking more broadly at how we interact with and deal with our own emotions. Tell me a little bit about that journey and how you became so fascinated with our own emotional worlds. 
[0:22:46.8] PE: Well, once you open up your question of emotion, an expression is a signal of an emotion. Expressions aren't the emotion themselves. The emotions are directed by number a of circuits in our brain, which nearly all of us have if we’re not brain damaged, that are innate. But their expression is influenced by our development and what we learn in the course of growing up. It’s a duel influence, and emotions are not simply our only expressions. That's the signal of the emotion. They are memories, expectations, changes in how we think and what we could remember. Emotions act as filters. When we are in the grip of an emotion, we can most readily perceive things that fit the emotion we’re experiencing and will by enlarge March ignore things that don't. 
In a similar fashion, we can remember from our memory things consistent with the motion we’re feeling and we’ll have a hard time remembering things that are inconsistent with it. So our emotions act as filters on what we see in the world and what we can access in ourselves. 
[0:24:12.7] MB: And what led you to begin digging into the rabbit hole of emotions? 
[0:24:17.9] PE: It was there. Who could ask for more? A ripe, important problem that had not been well explored, who is waiting for me. So I took it on. It took me between 5 and 10 years to make real progress of steady work on it, and I was pleased to find something so important that had not yet been well explored, and I was glad to have the time and the funding to be able to do so.
[0:24:48.5] MB: What were some of the first of the findings that you discovered when you began your work on emotion?
[0:24:55.1] PE: Well, the universality of facial expression was the very first finding. It was the first issue I took up, and other scientists have said that the publication of universality of facial expression, my publication of that, resurrected the field of emotion, which had been left dormant for 30 or 40 years. There was probably a bit of research on it in the 20s and 30s, and then it was dropped completely in the 40s and 50s and got rejuvenated after the publication of my findings on universality. Now, it’s a hot field. There are two scientific journals dedicated just to the field of emotion, publishing research just on emotion. 
[0:25:42.8] MB: If you don't mind me asking, which journals as those? We’ll make sure to include those in our show notes for the listeners.
[0:25:47.2] PE: Well, one of them is called emotions. That's a really easy. It’s published by the American Psychological Association, and I don't remember the name of the other journal. It’s probably something like the Journal of Emotion, but I don't remember. I don't read those journals of this point in my life. I'm retired. 
[0:26:06.5] MB: What did you find in terms of emotional reactions across different cultures? Do we have similar reactions or they sort of culturally shaped? 
[0:26:15.0] PE: They’re both in part because we have emotions about our motions, and cultures differ and how —What they teach their members to feel about feelings. When you get angry, do you get afraid of your anger? Do you get excited about your anger? Do you enjoy being angry? How much does it depend on who you're angry at? These are all things that different cultures and within a culture you’ll will find differences on. 
[0:26:43.3] MB: I want to dig a little bit deeper into emotions. When we find ourselves behaving in an emotional way, how can we start to step back and not only understand that better, but kind of deal with situations like that more productively or more effectively going forward?
[0:27:01.7] PE: It won't be easy. Now, individuals different in what they call their emotional profile. For some of us we go from no motion to a moderate or a strong emotion in less than a second. We have what I’d call a fast onset. While others go from no emotion to a strong emotion. It takes quite a few seconds. Most people have a better chance of being able to control their emotions or even sidestep and not engage. Our former President Obama was a good exemplar of someone who had a very slow emotional onset. Our current president, I think, but I haven't been able to study him as much, has fast emotional onset. 
I wrote an article which was published somewhere about what are the personality characteristics we should want in our leaders and the people who can initiate a war, or at least the first steps of the war. One of them, those characteristics, is a slow, not a fast emotional onset. It's safer. They have more time to consider. Do they really want to engage? That's the major difference that I've studied. 
Now I propose that we also differ, and once we’re in a grip of an emotion, how long it endures, and that we also differ in what I call the offset. Once it begins to decay, does it take us a long time to get over the emotion or do we go back through a neutral state very quickly? I know that people differ in their emotional profile, their onset duration and offset. I don't know. Someone could do research to find out how early in life is this apparent and how consistent is it across the lifecycle. I don’t know. If I was 10 years younger, I would take that question on, but it's a 10-year question, probably take 10 years to resolve, and I don't have 10 years to live. 
[0:29:14.2] MB: You know, that's interesting. In my own personal experience, I can definitely see that I feel like I'm someone who has both a slow onset of emotions and also a slow, I guess, offset of emotion. So it takes a long time for an emotion to kind of hit me, but once it does, it really sticks with me for a while and it's hard for me to kind of move beyond it. 
[0:29:32.0] PE: You have a long-duration, long onset, long-duration. Then once it begins to add, does go back quickly or does it take a while for you to get over it as it ebbs?
[0:29:46.5] MB: I think it varies. I mean, it's not a huge amount of time, but I think it definitely — If I get put into, let’s just say a negative emotional state, it takes me a little while to kind of come out of it. I've done a lot of work on — And we’ll get into this more, but journaling and mindfulness and other strategies that have helped me understand and manage my own emotions more effectively. 
[0:30:06.5] PE: Well, having a long onset means you’ve got a better chance of being able to manage your emotions than people who have a short onset. There isn’t enough time for them to become aware of the fact that they’re in a grip of an emotion, because it’s got them in a fracture of a second, and there are people like that. We should not want such people to be our leaders. 
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[0:31:48.8] MB: For somebody who's listening that maybe has a short onset, is there anything that they can do to help widen that gap between kind of reaction, sort of trigger and reaction?
[0:32:00.8] PE: Yes, here are the steps to take. Keep a diary of regrettable emotional episodes. Those times you’ve got an emotion which afterwards you think, “I wish I have either — I wish that I hadn’t felt any emotion or I wish I hadn’t of acted the way I did act.” Just write a sentence or two about each entry in the diary. 
If you’ve got 30, take a look at them and see what's in common. What’s the common trigger? It’s setting off regrettable emotional episodes. Can you by that means to learn how to anticipate such episodes and either avoid them or prepare yourself. 
I sometimes, if I know I’m getting into what will be for me a difficult emotional episode, I’ll rehearse in my mind. I’ll play out a whole movie script in my mind of a different way of handling that. I also find that it helps to notify the other person. If I’ll say to my wife, “Is this a good time for us to discuss a difficult emotional matter?” She may say, “No. Not right now. I’m not ready,” or she may say, “Well, let's talk about that Saturday morning?” So we’re both set and prepared. 
Step one, make a diary of regrettable episodes. Step two, see what they have in common. Step three, see if you can anticipate and prepare yourself for your next encounter what will trigger a difficult emotional episode so you don't have to act in a way that you will subsequently regret. 
[0:33:41.6] MB: Tell me about has there been research or have you done research specifically around the kind of diary or the journal and why that's such an effective tool for managing negative emotions or emotions in general?
[0:33:53.6] PE: I haven't done any research on it. I thought of it too late in my career beyond the point where I had the funding for research, nor has anyone to my knowledge. Take it for what it's worth. I think it's right. I think it'll work. It makes sense from what we know about emotion, but it has not been tested in research. 
[0:34:16.8] MB: I asked mostly, because I’m really curious. I'd love to dig in and kind of understand. I found that strategy be very effective for myself personally as well, that I really would love to get into some of the science and figure out more effectively kind of what it says about that question specifically. 
[0:34:31.2] PE: Maybe someone who listens to this program will take this on for their doctoral dissertation. 
[0:34:37.1] MB: Great idea. Listeners out there,  you heard Dr. Ekman. Get on it. Another tool that you’ve talk a lot about is mindfulness. Tell me about how you came to mindfulness as a strategy for managing your emotions or managing emotions more broadly. 
[0:34:51.1] PE: It was an accident. My daughter, Eve Ekman, got interested in it and in the Dalai Lama and we threw her. I got to meet and spend actually — The Dalai Lama and I spent about 50 hours in one-on-one conversations, which in our conversations about emotion are published in a book, paperback book called Emotional Awareness, and we called it that, because the key is to develop awareness of what you're in an emotion. 
Now, emotions usually occur without having any awareness of it when we’re in the grip of the emotion. It's usually not until after the emotion that we may realize particularly when someone says, “What was wrong with you just then?” You say, “Oh! Gee, I lost my head.” What you mean is that you were unaware of being emotional. That's in the nature of emotion itself, is to keep awareness out. That's what saved your life. That's why you could drive on the freeway and avoid cars that are veering towards you in a dangerous way without thinking about it. But that very skill that allows you to drive on the freeway is the skill that means that you're not going to be aware of the onset of emotions. 
The benefit of mindfulness, which is only partially substantiated in research, and there's nothing that really contradicts it, but there isn’t as much research as I would like to see to supported it. is that that's a practice that will increase the likelihood of your being aware, of being in the grip of an emotion when you are in the grip of the emotion, not just afterwards. We don't really have a set of psychological tools for generating that kind of awareness. 
Again, if I was still at a research lab and had 10 or 15 years in front of me, I would take on doing that research, but I haven't and I don't know anyone who has. 
[0:37:08.1] MB: Fair enough. I’m just curious about what topics still fascinate you. Once again, I think that could be a challenge to people out there listening. Maybe it's an opportunity to do a little bit more homework and a little bit more digging. I'm curious, I want to know more about your experience with the Dalai Lama. 
[0:37:23.3] PE: Well, I felt once we started spending time with each other, that I've known him all my life. I felt he was a brother. I've never had a brother. I had a sister, but I never had a brother. I really felt like I’ve met a family member. So strange, because you probably couldn't find two more dissimilar people in terms of upbringing.. He's a Buddhist monk and I’m sort of a renegade non-practicing Jew. I’m raised in a Westerners, and he’s raised in an Easter tradition, and yet we really hit it off. 
He believes it's because of the previous incarnation, we were brothers. Of course, I don't believe in reincarnation. I have no explanation. He has an expiration, which I reject. He finds it amusing that I, the scientists, can't explain what he — The Buddhist has an explanation for, but that's where we are. We’ve had a wonderful time conversing and I think our book, jointly authored book, Emotional Awareness, reaches the Dalai Lama and Paul Ekman and it’s in paperback. I know it's a book of dialogue and it pretty much captures, pretty well captures where our conversation went and what we learned talking toeach other. 
[0:38:40.7] MB: That's fascinating, and I'm a huge fan of the Dalai Lama and his work and we’ve had several previous guests you've also interacted with him and learned from him. So for someone who's listening to this episode that wants to kind of concretely implement the things we’ve talked about today in some way or another, what would be kind of one piece of homework that you would give to them as an exercise or a practice or a starting point to implement something that we’ve talked about today?
[0:39:09.1] PE: Go online and use the micro-expression training tool, METT. That will certainly open your eyes and make you a more accurate perceive or emotion. Do search for Eve Ekman, my daughter, and see what she's next giving a workshop. But I know that I think this coming weekend, she’s doing a one-day workshop on mindfulness here in San Francisco at a local meditation center in the Mission District, which you can find that by searching on the internet for Eve Ekman Workshops. There's a couple of things you can do. 
[0:39:53.9] MB: We’ll make sure to include that in the show notes for listeners who want to dig in and find both training tool and see if there are any upcoming workshops near them. For listeners who want to find more about you and your work, what’s the best place to find you and your various books and research online?
[0:40:11.2] PE: I have a website, and I think it's called paulekman.com, or just go on the internet and do a search for my name and it'll come up in the first few. Also, take a look at something that my daughter and I developed and put on the internet. Dalai Lama said to me, he really wanted to get to the new world we needed a map. So could you make a map of the emotions? So my daughter and a local cartographer created a map of the emotions, and if you go into any web browser put into it map of emotions, it'll come up and you'll see free of charge and it is a map of how the emotions work and it will help you understand your emotions better. There's some concrete suggestions. 
[0:40:59.6] MB: Paul, thank you so much for coming on the show, sharing your incredible story journey and wisdom. You're truly one of the most influential psychologists in the field today, and so it's truly been an honor to have you on here and learn more about your groundbreaking work. 
[0:41:17.7] PE: Well, thank you for asking good questions. The worst nightmare is when you're being interviewed by someone who asks really dull questions, but you ask good ones. So thank you for that. 
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January 11, 2018 /Lace Gilger
Emotional Intelligence, Influence & Communication
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