Imposter Syndrome: The Hurdle That’s Preventing You From Being Your Boldest Self Every Day (and in Life’s Toughest Situations)
Harvard Business School students—many of us would identify them as a privileged elite who are bound for professional and financial success.
But according to research, 75 to 80 percent of them experience imposter syndrome.
Harvard Business School students—many of us would identify them as a privileged elite who are bound for professional and financial success.
But according to research, 75 to 80 percent of them experience imposter syndrome.
And according to Dr. Amy Cuddy, a social psychologist, author, and speaker who lectures on the psychology of leadership and influence at Harvard University (and gave the second-most viewed TED Talk of all time), impostor syndrome is preventing most of us from being our authentic best selves, too.
But first, what is an authentic best self?
When we spoke to Dr. Cuddy about how we can feel powerful in life’s toughest moments, she was quick to point out that “authentic best self” is a phrase that’s frequently used, but not well defined. Here’s the meaning she intends:
“Let me just take a moment to say by authentic, I don’t mean unfiltered, right? I mean, there are times where we need to be mindful of who we’re speaking with and be respectful in our interactions and you could still be authentic.”
“I’m talking about the person that you are in the best moments of your life. If you think back, over the last, say, two or three years, think about the very best moments. These moments would be times when you feel totally connected,” she says. “You feel on, you feel seen, you feel heard, and you feel that you’re seen in hearing them and you feel happy and relieved. That’s your authentic best self.”
Dr. Cuddy concludes that impostor syndrome is keeping many of us from tapping into that state and exuding our best qualities and points out that we’re too distracted by fear in many interactions to tap into our authentic best selves.
This brings us to the definition of impostor syndrome, which the Harvard Business Review identifies as “a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success.”
Sounds like the fear Dr. Cuddy is referring to, right?
I asked her how we can bring that authentic best–self presence into situations where we’re interacting with other people, the stakes are high, and we feel like we’re being judged. What I wanted to know: “How do we bring presence to those types of situations and what prevents us from being present in those high-stakes environments?”
Her response:
“Well, I think the key is that we feel powerless in these moments. Feeling that you’re being judged and being very focused on the outcome as opposed to the process. Again yeah, feeling that the stakes are very high makes it really hard for us to even remember who we are well enough to be able to access that person and present that person.”
Imposter syndrome often involves a feeling of lying to others and ourselves and a fear of being caught in the act.
Dr. Cuddy says, “It's about feeling powerless, it's about feeling that you somehow accidentally got the job, or the award, or whatever it is and that you're going to be found out at any moment.”
She highlights that it’s an inability to stay present and authentic that contributes to this behavior—and the fear.
“When we're not present, it reveals itself to others, right? In some ways, not being present is the same as not bringing your authentic self to the situation. It looks like deception.”
When it comes to overt lying, there’s an asynchronicity between the words we use and our body language because we’re suppressing our true story and “telling another, different, false story.”
This involves suppressing our true story with words—which most adults are pretty good at—but also suppressing the emotions that go with the story.
Dr. Cuddy says “It's almost impossible for us to do that,” and goes on to share that “what happens is that we see these asynchronicities between the emotions that go with the words and the emotions that are leaking out through people's body language. When you're nervous and not authentic, the same kinds of things happen. People seem asynchronous. They seem off. Their words don't quite match what they're doing with their bodies, because you have too much to think about and not enough cognitive bandwidth to be telling the story and also matching your nonverbals to it. That's too much choreography.”
Of course all this comes into play when we’re experiencing imposter syndrome, which is a lot more common than you might think.
Dr. Cuddy says part of the imposter syndrome experience involves “pluralistic ignorance”—“we think that everyone else who has that job or goes to that fancy school is feeling great and confident and deserving. They're not.”
Dr. Cuddy’s advice to anyone whose experiences with imposter syndrome are putting them on edge:
“The first thing is to realize that you're not alone. Everyone is feeling imposter syndrome at some point in their lives. If you are in a situation with people who've really excelled and in a competitive situation, chances are a lot of people are feeling that way.”
Is Imposter Syndrome a Gendered Issue?
Interestingly (but perhaps not surprisingly), Dr. Cuddy shares that “when impostor syndrome was first studied in this 1970s by a woman named Pauline Clance, she originally thought that it was much, much more common among women than men. Then she learned pretty quickly that it wasn't. It was just that women were more comfortable telling her that they were feeling that way.”
Dr. Cuddy says, “This is one of the ways in which gender stereotypes I think really hurt men,” and goes on to say that “men are feeling like impostors. I think the burden on men—so this whole idea that it's a woman's problem—is not only bad for women. I think it's bad for women, because it's like another thing to heap on top of the pile of all of these things that women are afraid of. It's also a burden on men because men believe that men generally don't feel like impostors and [if] you do feel like an impostor, that's really going to make it even harder on you.”
Dr. Cuddy says some 85 percent of men have probably have felt like imposters.
Regardless of your gender, Dr. Cuddy says an important first step in addressing imposter syndrome is noticing when you feel it.
She says in some senses, it’s like a game of whack-a-mole: It just keeps popping up, especially in situations where you feel very public or exposed, for example, a winning an award or being recognized for something you did well in front of a group or crowd.
Of course, it can also rear its head during the first few weeks on a new job or working on a project that feels “out of your league” or “beyond your wildest dreams,” even if you have all the prerequisites and have done a great deal to earn the opportunity.
“Use your body to change your mind.”
Rather than trying to escape imposter syndrome with self-talk and mental acrobatics, Dr. Cuddy highlights the potential to change the mind using the body. She notes that we lose personal power for so many reasons, from unfair inequalities to illnesses to chronic unemployment, and associates certain physical movement and behavior with exercising—or, in a sense, practicing—healthy personal power.
These poses, movements, and awarenesses can loosen the clutches of imposter syndrome, especially when we know a high-risk interaction is on the horizon.
Before going into a stressful situation, she suggests preparing yourself by using the following:
Stretch. “Stretch out, make yourself as big as you feel comfortable doing, but in private, right? Not in front of other people. You want to do it in private because you don't want to...offend people, [and] you also don't want to feel that you’re being judged. Do that before you walk in.”
Practice expansive postures. “Carry yourself with a sense of pride, but not in a way that's domineering. You're not challenging somebody to a duel—you're trying to have an interaction where you connect with them, where they see you as confident, but they also see you as likable and trustworthy and engaged and as somebody who wants to be there, who doesn't feel that he or she is the most important person in the room, but is someone who's there to connect.”
“You're not going to man spread when you're sitting in a job interview, you're not going to stand like a superhero or in the victory pose when you're in a job interview, but you can do it in advance,” she says.
Gesture intentionally. Dr. Cuddy says, “Palms up for example, [shows] that you are comfortable being there.”
Breathe. “When you breathe deeply and expansively and really fill your lungs, you are triggering what's called the relaxation response,” says Dr. Cuddy. “That is a complex circuitry in your mind that's telling your body that you are not in a threatening situation. You are in a safe situation. You don't go into fight, flee, or faint mode. You feel comfortable.”
Be mindful. Feeling 100 percent the imposter in a given moment? Stay attentive to your body language. If you suddenly “close off,” crossing your arms, touching your neck, or slouching, be aware. “Try to figure out what happened,” says Dr. Cuddy, who goes on to ask “How can you get things on track again?”
“Notice the times when you start to slouch and make yourself small and see what you can do to correct that,” she says.
“Pay attention to other people's posture.” When you’re in any interaction, she says, “Remember that presence begets presence. When you're present, you are inviting others to be present. When you're present, you're saying ‘I am authentic. I am here. You can trust me.’ They respond in kind.”
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3 Ways To Instantly Feel More Confident and Powerful
When you feel powerful and present you are bringing your best self to the table. I’m talking about the person that you are at the best moments of your life. Those moments when you feel totally connected. That’s your authentic best self.
The question is how do you bring that person to your most challenging situations where you’re least likely to be present.
When you feel powerful and present you are bringing your best self to the table.
I’m talking about the person that you are at the best moments of your life. Those moments when you feel totally connected. That’s your authentic best self.
The question is how do you bring that person to your most challenging situations where you’re least likely to be present. Those situations where you don’t feel in control, you don’t feel powerful, and your brain goes into that familiar panic and auto-pilot mode.
Those situations can be stressful and leave us feeling powerless. Luckily, Dr. Amy Cuddy, Harvard lecturer and best-selling author of Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges, can help us answer that question.
The key is to make yourself feel powerful. I’m not talking about power over people, but the power to bring our best self forth, to believe in ourselves, and to be present. When people feel powerful it affects their feelings, their thoughts, their behaviors, and even their physiology. You feel more optimistic, more happy, and more confident. You think more openly, more creatively. You generally see the world as a place that’s filled with opportunities, not threats. - Dr. Amy Cuddy on The Science of Success.
The first thing you have to do is understand that it’s OK to feel powerful. You don’t have to control others to feel powerful.
Think of it as power liberates you to be who you are. It frees you. - Dr. Amy Cuddy on The Science of Success
When you feel powerful you feel as though you have control of yourself. You feel as though you have the power to truly be who you are and are able to showcase that to the world and everyone you interact with.
It’s about you feeling that you control your own resources, your own inner resources. It’s the feeling that you have some control in your life and that you’re not being controlled by outside forces or situations. The feeling that you’re making these decisions and deciding who you are and how others see you. It’s a feeling of motivation and control. - Dr. Amy Cuddy on The Science of Success.
Imagine yourself in a situation such as a job interview. Really, you don’t have control over the situation at all. You cannot control where the interview is held, you cannot control who it is with, and you cannot control what questions they are going to ask you. What you do have control over however, is yourself.
Here’s the thing about it though.
We are horrible at talking ourselves down off a ledge.
If you are feeling insecure or you’re feeling completely powerless it’s really really hard to talk yourself out of that mindset. We’re just not very good at talking ourselves out of feeling bad.
What we are good at, is walking ourselves down off that ledge and changing the way that we carry ourselves. This means that rather than focusing on our mind-mind connection to help us change our state, we need to focus on our mind-body connection.
When we’re feeling powerless oftentimes it’s nearly impossible to talk ourselves out of it. It’s like our mind knows that we really don’t feel that way and shrugs off our efforts. The body overrides that. The body skips that step. If the body is acting as if it’s not threatened, the mind begins to fall in line with what the body is doing. - Dr. Amy Cuddy on The Science of Success.
By focusing on our mind-body connection is so strong we can override our negative thoughts and emotions. Where your body goes, your mind will follow.
Dr. Amy Cuddy shares with us four incredibly simple yet powerful (no pun intended) things we can do any time to override the stress in our minds and take some of our internal power back.
Expand
When we expand, we feel powerful and we control our expansiveness. - Dr. Amy Cuddy on The Science of Success
The idea of power posing is nothing new. Many popular figures including Tony Robbins have explored and demonstrated the incredible power that standing with confidence can have. When we stand like we are confident and we own what we are saying we begin to feel that way.
What’s even more incredible about power posing and increasing our expansiveness is the impact it has on our hormones. Research has shown that powerful people share more than just a job title. They actually all exhibit similar hormone patterns to one another.
Powerful (remember our definition from above) leaders tend to have higher levels of testosterone and lower levels of cortisol. Higher levels of testosterone (in both men and women) lead to increased feelings of confidence. Meanwhile, lower levels of cortisol lead to decreased anxiety and an improved ability to deal with stress.
All of these hormones can fluctuate dramatically and quickly. Your environment has also been proven to have dramatic effects on these hormone levels and changes in your environment can cause them to spike or lower at any time.
By striking power poses prior to stressful meetings and situations we can combat these fluctuations and maintain our sense of control of ourselves. This can take the form of standing up straight with your chest out and hands on your hip like a superhero.
We also want to look at expanding ourselves which involves sitting up straight and having your limbs away from your torso and placing your feet further apart than normal.
Dr. Cuddy provides us a list of the most common power poses…
It’s important to note that many of these power poses can be done in front of others. However, oftentimes activating this mind-body connection can involve moving around. Always be aware of your audience and your environment as to not come across as rude.
Speak Slowly
Another common symptom of feeling nervous is that we begin to speak more quickly. Think of a time when you were asked to read out loud in front of others. More often than not we just want to get it over with. As a result we speak so fast we almost forget to breathe.
This has a few negative impacts. First, it makes it more difficult for the other party to understand and comprehend our message. It can distract them from what we are actually saying and divert their attention to our speaking speed. Next, it can cause us to feel even more powerless when we realize we were not understood or when we are asked to repeat what we previously said.
To combat this we can use our hands to help slow us down. As speaking expert Matt Abrahams points out our mouths tend to mimic the speed of our body. By moving your hands at the speed and tempo you want to speak your mind and mouth align with your body.
Try it now, try to speak fast while moving your hands slowly or visa versa. I bet you couldn’t do it!
Research has found that when you can get people to slow down their speech, they feel more powerful and others perceive them as more powerful. - Dr. Amy Cuddy on The Science of Success
So next time you’re nervous to speak remember this tip and knock out two birds with one stone. Expand yourself even more by using your hands, arms, and body while at the same time using your arms like a concertmaster in the orchestra and keep yourself on tempo.
Breathe Slowly
Tempo is an important aspect of feeling powerful in your breathing as well as your speech. Getting oxygen to your brain will help you stay sharp and able to think even when you are feeling pressure.
Think about it, we’re back to expansion. Only this time we’re focusing on the expansion of your lungs. Before you are about to enter a potentially stressful situation take a few seconds. Let yourself take in three deeps breathes, close your eyes if you can, and move.
Next, throughout the experience try to focus on your breathing whenever possible and make sure you continue to take full, deep breathes.
When you breathe deeply and expansively and really fill your lungs, you are triggering what’s called the relaxation response. This is a complex circuitry in your mind that’s telling your body that you are not in a threatening situation. - Dr. Amy Cuddy on The Science of Success
Whether it be a performance, a speaking gig, a job interview, or any stressful situation you CAN retain your sense of power. Use the science of the mind-body connection to override your minds natural response to stress and potentially threatening situations.
Remember, your mind did not evolve to make you happy or to keep you happy. It evolved to keep you alive. While these days you may not be running from tigers or hiding from panthers your minds reacts to stress in the same way.
Use these tips from Dr. Cuddy and others to override your minds natural reactions and remain cool, calm, collected, and…